 On this episode of the anxious truth, we're going to get really nerdy and talk about some technical concepts and recovery. Now you guys know that I dig this stuff and I think it's really going to help you, so let's get cooking. Hello everybody, welcome back to the anxious truth. This is podcast episode number one hundred ninety three one nine three recorded late January of twenty twenty two. If you are new to the podcast or the YouTube channel, this is the first time you hear. I am Drulene Salada creator and host of the anxious truth. This is the podcast where we talk about all things anxiety and anxiety recovery. So if you're having a problem with things like panic attacks, panic disorder, agoraphobia, monophobia, OCD, social anxiety, this is the place for you. I'm really happy that you're here. And if you're a returning listener or viewer, of course, I'm happy that you're here. Thank you for your continued attention and support. I appreciate it. So today we're going to talk about a really interesting concept. And this is the idea that when we try to learn how to pay attention and focus as part of the recovery process, focus on something other than the fear and our sensations and our thoughts, we can be helped in that effort by understanding that thinking and feeling is not the only event happening in any given time. So this is a really cool concept that comes right out of acceptance and commitment therapy, which is a thing that I'm learning about that I'm really, really digging. But before we get into that, I want to remind you of something. The anxious truth is more than just this podcast in this podcast episode. There's seven years worth of podcast episodes. You can check them all out. I've written three really good books on anxiety and anxiety recovery that you can find on my website at the anxious truth.com. There's a ton of free information on my social media. So if you're not following me on social, go do that. You can find me at the anxious truth.com slash links. We'll have all the links to all of my stuff. And the last thing I remind you of is that every weekday morning, I publish a little email newsletter called the anxious morning, which is a little three to 500 word anxiety recovery lesson that you can read at your leisure. There's also a podcast that goes with it. You can listen to it if you like that better outside of the doom scroll of social media. And I dig producing them and everybody that reads them and listens loves them. So go to the anxious morning.com. If you're not subscribed, it's 100% free pop in your email address and you will get them every weekday morning. However way you choose to follow me or support my work, whether you buy my book, subscribe, whatever, it doesn't matter. I appreciate you. Thank you very much. So let's get into today's topic. You hear me talk all the time. If you follow the podcast, you follow me on social media. You hear me talk all the time about the idea that part of the recovery process is learning how to change your reaction and your relation to anxiety and fear. And part of that is learning where to put your attention, your anxiety and fear, anxious thoughts, sensations, symptoms, all of those things will beg for your attention and demand it. Pay attention to me. Talk to me. Let's do two hours of what if thinking for fun. That is what it wants you to do. And part of the process of building a new reaction to and relationship with anxiety is to learn how to not do that. Part of changing your reaction is to put your focus somewhere else, to pay attention somewhere else. And we talk about this all the time. I talk about meditation as the act of learning how to pay attention and train your focus. We talk about mindfulness as the act of just paying attention. So it's the thing we talk about all the time. But I do understand if you're listening right now and you heard me say these things over and over and you think, but this is so scary and these thoughts are so powerful and the sensations are so disturbing that there is no way how on God's green earth am I supposed to pay attention to something else? And I hear that all the time and I understand that. I really do. That's legit because I do understand how powerful those thoughts and those sensations are. They will make you feel like they are the most important thing and that they are worthy of all of your attention all the time. But just in that phrase, worthy of all your attention, there's a hint in what we're going to be talking about today. So I understand that that might be one of your objections. Like I get it. I have to learn to pay attention to other things and focus outward. You hear me say all the time, refocus outward, refocus outward, or focus on your breath instead of the inner dialogue. Focus on a point. Pay attention intentionally somewhere else. You hear me say that all the time. And if that seems impossible, today's topic might help you because it puts a little different wrapper around it. So in acceptance and commitment therapy, without getting too geeky and nerdy about it, there is a concept called self as context, which essentially tries to help us understand that while we may think in an anxious state, and this is the self-centered nature of anxiety, you are not selfish or self-centered in any way, but a disorder of anxiety is totally selfish and self-centered. It will decide for you and it will demand that you treat everything that's going on inside you how you feel, what you think, what you're feeling, what you're thinking, and what you're thinking about what you're feeling are the most important things in the universe all the time. And that means that you exclude everything else. So you exist in a vacuum in that state. Only how you feel matters to you. Only your thoughts matter. Only what pops into your head matter. And that's an error because really and truly, the idea of self as context and acceptance commitment therapy teaches us that we have to try to expand our awareness beyond just ourselves. Our self as being what we think and what we feel is not really correct because me in this room right now, even though I'm the only one in the room, in this context right now, I'm the only one here, but me and what I am thinking and feeling is actually not the only thing in this context, in this situation. I'm in a situation. I'm in a room with a light on. There's a fan over there. There's a window. There's a tree that's blowing in the wind. There's plants. There's actually squirrel just ran by on my fence. That's pretty funny. My dog copper is in the next room. I could hear him walking around. So I am not the only thing in this context. There are other things around me. I'm in a situation and in a context. I exist as part of a context. And the things that are going on inside my body. Now right now I'm not in an anxious or panic state. So I'm not really too concerned with going on inside my body. But if I was having a swing and panic attack right now, even the things that were happening inside my body and inside my mind, the scary thoughts and all the scary sensations would be very powerful and attention grabbing events. They are internal events that are happening inside me. But I would have to look around and say, well, wait, there are other events that squirrel is out there living his life. The tree is blowing in the wind. The wind is blowing. The light is on. The fan is spinning. So this is not, it's going to sound a little bit like some of that grounding stuff. Find three blue things. Find four things you can smell. Find three things you can touch. It's going to sound like that, but it's not really that. The object of the game here is to say, okay, I am treating me and all the events happening inside me as the only thing and the only events in the universe. But that's not true. There's fallacy number one. I can expand my awareness and say, okay, even though what's happening inside me feels really strong and powerful and important right now. It is truly not the only thing. No matter how important I am judging it to be, there are other things happening and I can expand my awareness to that so that I understand, okay, there's some really strong thoughts and sensations happening right now, but there are also other things happening around me. I do not exist in a vacuum, nor does my anxiety. That's number one. Number two, I could think of this when I say, okay, well, I exist in the context. Now I have to also understand that all of the internal events that are happening, the sensations and the thoughts that come along with the sensations, or maybe it's chicken and egg. You don't know if it's thoughts or sensations first, whichever way the internal events that are happening inside me, even though they feel so dangerous and they feel so powerful and they feel like I should pay attention to them. They are very strong, but they have continually proven to be wrong. So number one, I'm not the only thing happening and I'm not the only set of events happening. There are other events happening outside of me and the thoughts may be powerful and the sensations may be powerful, but powerful doesn't always mean exclusive. Like they're the only things. So now I begin to interpret them a little bit differently. Other things are happening here too, not just my shaky legs or whatever might be going on. And the third thing would be that, okay, if I have to start to learn, have to pay attention more productively, why do I keep saying like all of my attention? If you're thinking of attention as a finite resource, like I only have so much attention and this is so powerful inside me that I have to spend all of it on the internal events and screw everything around me, doesn't matter. I'm going to pretend it doesn't exist. I'm going to use all of my attention allotment here. You'd be making a mistake. And I made that mistake too. It's easy to think there's no way I could focus outwardly. There's no way because all of my attention is going to go here, but you don't have. It's not all of your attention. It's not a resource. Attention is actually an act, paying attention. Let's think of attention and paying attention as a verb. It's an action. It's not a resource. Attention is not a noun. It's not a thing. Paying attention is a behavior. It's an act. So let me illustrate. I'll use the example of going to say to a concert. Let's talk about that. If you go to a concert and you're sitting there watching the concert, there's a singer. There's a guitarist and a bass player and a keyboard player and a drummer. And there might be dancers and there's a light show and there might be pyrotechnics. And there's big video screens and there's people all around you and the other people who are enjoying the concert and there's friends that you are with. So in the context of that, you also exist at the concert. You are part of that context and what you are thinking and feeling as you are in that context also are the internal events that are happening, internal events. But you are actually shifting your attention. You are verbing. You are behaving. You are acting continuously in that context. I'm watching the singer. I'm listening to the lyrics. I'm in the drummer. He's got a good groove going. Now I'm going to watch the bassist. Now I'm going to check out the dancers. Now I'm looking at the video screens. Now I'm checking out all the people dancing around me. See how that works? Your attention is not being spread thin like butter. It's actually just an act. You are acting to pay attention to multiple events that are happening in that context and your attention may shift. Boom, boom, boom. It's shifting, it's shifting. The singer, the bassist, the dancers, the video screens to your friend next to you. Same thing happens in the situation where you're in a high anxiety state or even a panic state. Same exact thing. You will be fooled into thinking, no, a panic attack is not like a concert. Correct. A panic attack is not a concert. Those are two different places. You're 100% correct. But I'm not talking about evaluating what's happening in a panic attack or at a concert and comparing them. I am talking about the hard cold fact that your panic and the thoughts that come with it sitting in your living room or in the supermarket is an event in your living room or at the supermarket just like sitting in your seat or standing in the aisle at a concert is an event that is happening among many events at this concert. I'm not judging or evaluating, notice. I'm just pointing out a fact that no matter what you're thinking and feeling, it does not exist in a vacuum. And if I can stop for a second and say, let me expand my awareness outside of me and realize that, oh wait, other things are happening here. And if I have the choice to pay attention, verb, not dole out attention now while I'm at a concert, well, I can also practice doing that here. Based on the premise that I am safe even though I am uncomfortable and afraid that my thoughts and feelings are strong but wrong and that there are other things that I can possibly pay attention to. Are they the most interesting things in the universe? Well, you could probably say that at a concert that's a whole lot more interesting than the squirrel in my backyard. Sure, I wouldn't argue that. But we're not evaluating that. We're not evaluating, we're not judging it based on that. We're just saying that, oh wait, other things are happening here besides just me. And attention is a thing I can do, not a thing that I have to spread on a piece of bread and I don't have enough of it to cover the whole bread. So what else can I pay attention to? Now, in that context, you will pay attention to the squirrel. I will pay attention to the light. I will pay attention to this recording. Maybe you will pay attention to the email that you're writing or the conversation that you're having with your friend. Or maybe you will pay attention to the sandwich that you're eating or petting your dog or the steps as you take your walk or whatever it happens to be. There are other events happening in that context that you can choose to behave, pay attention, verb toward, as opposed to always pouring all of your limited resource of attention inside you. See the difference? See the difference? I'm not saying this is easy, but this shift, geeky, nerdy, technical and esoteric as it may be, can really make a difference. And as I'm reading about all the stuff as part of this journey that I'm on, I start to realize, oh, wait a minute, that was a shift that I made. I didn't know that I was doing that in my recovery. I didn't know that. But in my practice, I literally was beginning to just say, well, I'm going to have to engage in the world then. So you heard me write and speak things like, I guess I'm going to have to be anxious while I make my lunch, which is a thing that I literally said to myself. I had no idea that I was using the concept of self as context. I had no clue because I didn't know what that was in 2008. But I know what it is now. And now that I'm starting to know that, I can actually use that to help explain. So if you feel like, no, it's just, it's impossible for me to move my attention into anything but this. I want you to consider what you do at a concert. Not the last time you've been at a concert, a sporting event, a party. It doesn't matter. Pick any context where you can say, oh, yes, he's correct. I have actually paid attention to multiple things that were happening in this context. You've done this before. You've done it before. You just didn't know you were doing it. And now you can actually do it while you're in an anxious state. If we go based on the premise that thoughts and sensations are strong, but wrong, you can be afraid and safe at the same time. You know all these principles, right? If you've listened to me and you've heard all these things. So I'm going to try and I don't want to get, if I keep going, we're going to go here for an hour because this is, I could try and explain it a hundred different ways. This is a little bit, this is very nuanced, right? But the object of the game here, start from the premise that the thoughts and sensations that you are experiencing are events. They're internal events, but that they are not the only events because you and your thoughts and sensations exist in a situation, in a context where there are other things and other events happening outside of you. There are external events. And it is possible to pay attention to those. Not only to those. So let me address what's going to, I know what's going to come up here. Start from that premise. Okay. I can expand my awareness outside of myself and I can remember that attention is a verb here. Paying attention is a verb. It's not a limited resource. So I know I'm safe. I don't have to do scary things intentionally to things that don't feel right to do, but I know I'm going to be okay because I know I'm safe rationally. Okay. So now let me expand my awareness to the entire context that I'm in and let me make some choices that say, what else can I pay attention to? What else can I pay attention to? Because you will pay attention to the sandwich you're making and then you will pay attention to your racing heart and then you will pay attention to the email that you're typing and then you will pay attention to the thought that you might go insane. Then you will pay attention to the squirrel in the backyard like I got out there. He's actually having a good time right now. You may pay attention to the squirrel in the backyard and then you will pay attention again to the feeling that you can't breathe. So your attention will, will rotate around and that's okay. As you practice, you will get better at returning your attention to other events outside of yourself in the context. In the beginning, you'll snap back internally again and again and again and again. But my friend Kimberly Quinlan said something on an Instagram live yesterday that really was a light bulb moment for me. And she said, what you don't understand is that the win is how often you can bring your attention back to those external events. She wasn't talking about internal versus internal events. A little different discussion, but she's a hundred percent right. So when you start to look at this and say, oh, I'm going to try this. I'm going to try this. I'm going to try to behave, verb my attention out there, find other events and things in this context that I can pay attention to and do that. You will always snap back to what's going on inside of you. That's okay. The win is like, oops, I got to pay attention out here again. Let me pick a thing out there, out there, out there. And this is the difference between trying to ignore it. You won't ignore it because your attention will keep coming back in and you have to readjust back in, readjust back in, readjust. You will continually feel the sensations. You will hear the thoughts. You just won't decide that I only have a handful of attention and I must pour it all inside. No, no, I have a lot of attention. I can I can choose where to behave to put my attention. And I can just keep going back outside. I can just keep going back outside from this internal to the external events. Okay, that could be really tiring. Sure was for me, but this is a way that you can look at the fact that you don't have to pay attention all the time to what's going on inside of you. This is the mistake of making it always the most critical important thing in the room. So if you start from the premise that like, that's a mistake. I can't keep treating it like it's the most important thing in the world. Even though it feels like it is, experience tells me that it's not. And when I keep treating it like the most important thing and worthy of all of my attention all the time, I'm stuck. So how can I pay attention out? Outwards doesn't feel right like this. Try it like this. What else is going on? What else can I engage with? How can I use my attention as a behavior or an action? And how can I rotate it in and out, in and out, in and out, in and out. And the more you practice that, the better you get at leaving your attention outside and external events, you will get better at it. But it's OK if it circles back inside. That's OK. It's pretty normal just like at the concert. You watch a lot of different things. And generally speaking, there's a reason why, you know, if you're a band, you take a really charismatic lead, you know, that the lead singer, she or he is very charismatic, got a great voice, commands your attention. That's what makes a great band. So in the context of a concert, your attention might come to keep coming back to the singer. The front man, the front woman of that band, the leader of that band is going to keep getting your attention just like your racing heart will keep getting your attention. But you can also say, oh, what else can I pay attention? Let me get the dancers for a minute. You're not making those decisions necessarily consciously. They just sort of happen automatically and casually. And in this situation, you'll have to make those decisions constantly consciously, which feels weird and awkward, but you'll get used to it. So that is the idea of a really kind of watered down trying to make a layman's description of the idea of self as context. Instead of I am what I think I am what I feel and I am the only thing that matters. No, no, no, I am part of a larger context and I can expand my awareness outside of me, in which case I just become part of this this situation. I'm not the most important thing in the situation and I can choose what it will be most important by what I choose to put my attention on where I choose to put my attention, you know, more often than not. And that's the way that's going to work. All right, so think about that a little bit. This might be as esoteric and nuanced and subtle as it is and a little bit geeky and nerdy, this may help you put this in a different framework where you feel like, yeah, whatever, man, there's no way I'm going to pay attention to anything except this, the thought that I'm going to go insane. Yeah, you can try framing it like this and try this exercise like that. You might find that it helps. I'm really open to suggestions on this. So if you're watching, if you see this post on, if you're watching on YouTube, please, by all means, go ahead and comment. I will do my best to key on on these or on Facebook or on Instagram. Wherever you're seeing this, if you want to ask a question and talk about this, we should because this is a cool concept. I think it's going to help, but it's definitely one that probably needs a lot of explanation talking about. We'll probably go back to this. Sure, we'll talk about it later in other in other areas. Maybe other podcast episodes, definitely on social media for sure. So I'm losing my voice a little bit. So I'm sorry for the little bit raspy today, more than usual. So thanks for hanging in there with me. OK, folks, let's wrap this up. 20 minutes is more than enough on this crazy topic. I appreciate you guys coming by. I'm going to play you out with the usual. I have to go by Ben Drake. You can find Ben and his music at Ben Drake music.com. Thank you, Ben, for letting me use it. If you're watching the podcast on YouTube, like and subscribe. Leave a comment. Helps a lot. If you're listening to the podcast on Spotify or iTunes or some place that lets you rate the podcast and leave a five star rating and write a little review because it helps other people find the podcast. That's why I do this to help as many as I can. We will be back next week with another episode. I don't know what we're going to talk about, but we will be here in the meanwhile. Thank you for your attention today. I hope this has been helpful and remember this is the way.