 The Anderson Family Mary, this is your birthday and Junior and I have a little surprise for you. Oh, Oliver, I hope you didn't buy something foolish. I didn't. Look, a fur coat. Oh, no, Oliver. How could you? How could I? Why not? But that's that old secondhand coat Mr. Jacobs has been trying to sell everyone in the neighborhood. Gee, Pop, were you taken? I was no such thing. What's wrong with it? I simply won't wear it. You can take it back to him and get your money. But I couldn't do that. I wouldn't wear that imitation weasel to wash our car. Uh-oh, here we go again, folks. Well, this whole thing started when Oliver Anderson and Junior decided to surprise Mary Anderson with a birthday gift. The spirit was there, but the merchandise was weak. But let's not get ahead of our story, for right now, Martha Meister, the lady next door, is talking with Junior and Mary. I tell you, Mary, I don't know what I'm gonna do with that, Homer. My. You never saw a husband so set on getting something for his wife for her birthday. Hmm, that's one of his good traits. When is your birthday, Martha? Next month. But Homer always starts a little early to fix up a surprise for me. My birthday is day after tomorrow. I'll bet Oliver doesn't even remember it's my birthday. Gee, Mom, you don't ever tell anyone anymore you're having another birthday. Why, Junior, I do too. I just don't make so much over it is all. Well, that ain't the way Homer is. He's right out with the thing. Why, do you remember what he got for me my last birthday? Two wash dresses. Prettiest things you ever see. Here's Pop. Hi, Pop. Hi, young man. Hello, honey. Gee, you're looking sharp tonight. My gosh, I believe you look younger than when we were married. Bosh. What's that, Martha? I say it's bosh. When a man talks that way, he's got something on his mind and it ain't good. I know. Why, Martha? Ah, here I was in a swell mood and I have to meet this smudge pop. Why, Oliver? Oh, I understand him, Mary. He don't mean half, he says. You've got to be around a man a long time to understand him like I do. Anything new, develop, Pop? Oh, yeah. You know. Oh, no. Now, if you step out in the hall, I'll explain to you. Oh, sure, yeah. Excuse us a moment, ladies. I don't get it, Pop. Has something happened? What are they up to? I'm sure I don't know. Of course. It ain't none of my business, Mary. But if he can't talk to his son in front of you, I'd look into it. Oh, don't be ridiculous, Martha. They must have a certain amount of freedom, you know. Fur coat, Pop? You should have seen the prices on them. I just can't afford one, Junior. Gee, Mom will be disappointed. She's been looking at fur coat ads for a week now. Oh, well, don't give it away. You may be finding something we can afford. Yeah, yeah. Keep looking, Pop. It'll soon be hot weather again, and all the ladies will be putting their fur coats on. Well, when Martha goes, we'll see if there's something else she'd just as soon have. I hope Mrs. Meister goes home soon. She's been over here three hours. Well, did you come to an understanding? I think we understand each other. Mary said she's having a birthday. Yes, I know. I don't forget those things. Oh, it is Homer. Now those two wash dresses he bought to me last year. Yes, I remember them all. The ones you had to put these in the hips? Well, they were a bit snug. But Homer spent $6 on them. I couldn't hurt his feelings, could I? Look, Martha, Homer's home, and he's probably wondering where you are. Let him wonder. That's funny. Mary, look. What is it? Mr. Jacobs going in to see Mrs. Briggs across the street. Oh, what's funny about that? Nothing, but the Briggs' and the Jacobs' ain't spoken for months. Oh, well, take no business of mine. Wonder what he wants with her. Yes, Mr. Jacobs, what is it? Mrs. Briggs, I have something for you. Oh, something for me? Come in. Thank you. Could we go someplace where we can talk privately? My, must be a secret. However we can talk here. Free Baron is still downtown. I wouldn't want anyone to know I was offering this fur coat to sale. A coat? No, though not just a coat, Mrs. Briggs, but a genuine Bronx wool almost extinct. Well, I don't think that I would... I was talking to Mabel this morning, my wife, you know, and she said, darling, I wouldn't sell this coat to just any woman. On Mrs. Briggs it would look superb, but, you know, Mabel likes you. But, Mr. Jacobs, I can't buy a coat of this kind. I have a certain position and I must keep it. Do any of the other ladies have a genuine Bronx wool? Oh, I don't think so. That's what I mean. You don't want to look like every other woman with a fur coat. With this, you'll stand out. And for $72.50. Really, Clarence? I can't even bear to touch it. You don't like it. I am horrid. Let me show you the lapels. See? Fur on both sides. Please, Clarence, I don't want it. Wrap it up. It's practically new, Mrs. Briggs. It was owned by a school teacher who didn't go out much. Looks like new. I don't care for the coat. I don't care for Bronx wool. And I don't care to discuss it further. Why, Clarence Jacobs, this is a surprise. Quick, Mrs. Anderson, let me in before anyone sees me. Before anyone sees you? I'm always nervous when I have something valuable out of our store. Is anybody else home? Anyone else? Why, no, Oliver and Junior are downtown. What's wrong, Clarence? Mary, that is Mrs. Anderson. You remember I told you I'd keep watch for a good bye in a fur coat. Oh, I was just talking. I can't afford a fur coat right now. That's where you're wrong, Mrs. Anderson. When this coat came in yesterday, Mabel said to me, why don't you show Mrs. Anderson this coat? Oh, but really, Mr. Jacobs, I... But she says with a nice, slim figure like Mary has, this coat would be beautiful. Mabel likes you, you know, so... Oh, pardon me, Clarence, but I don't have the money now. Oh, let me show it to you. Your eyes will pop right out of your face when you see it. Well, what kind of fur is that? Mary, that's genuine Bronx Wolf. Almost extinct. Bronx Wolf? Almost extinct. I never heard of it. Of course not. That's what makes it so rare. Here, just slip it on. No, no, I don't think I'd like it. Oh, come now, just see in the mirror how it fits. It's practically new. Oh, but this sleeve is worn thin. The shoulder's all ripped. Oh, now, Mrs. Anderson, those things don't count when you're getting real Bronx Wolf. You'll never know it was there when the tailor gets through with it. Oh, but it's been worn and I... Mary Little Mary. It was owned by a school teacher who didn't get out much. No. No, I don't think I'll even try it on, Clarence. Mabel will be so disappointed. She told me not to even stop at the Meister home. You know how heavy Martha is. It would look like the wolves were still in it. She insisted I let you have it for practically nothing. $75 even. No, no thanks, Clarence. Too much? Well, it's not so much the price. $70, Mrs. Anderson. I know Mabel will be very angry with me, but after all, we're all friends and neighbors. Yes, I know, and I'd like to stay friends, Mr. Jacobs. Maybe Mr. Anderson would like to look at it. No, all of us downtown with Junior. He won't be home for an hour. Oh, I see. Is he driving? No, no, I think they took the bus. I see. Well, Mrs. Anderson, it hurts me to see someone else get this beautiful skin. Oh, well, we all have our little worries, Clarence. Right now, mine is getting dinner on. Well, I won't keep you, but I know Mabel will be so disappointed. Okay, Junior, get off. Here, I'll take that package. I'm all right. Now look, I'll get on the curb. Don't, don't, don't. Okay. Gee, that bus was crowded, Pop. Yeah, even some of the men were standing up. You can see what the fur coat situation is. $300 is too much for us. I wonder what else Mom would rather have. I think she'd be crazy about having that big chair covered. Yeah, but that isn't like a real present, Pop. Girls are funny about those things. Oh, they are? Yeah. I was wondering if we couldn't look around in some store where the furs aren't so expensive. Well, yeah, but you see, if it isn't mint, sable, gray squirrel, silver fox, or ermine, it just isn't fur to them. Stop. Mr. Briggs come out of the drugstore. Well, I'll bet they follow him out to collect for that newspaper he's got. He sees us. Oh, hi, Briggs-y. Nice to see you. Oh, good evening, Anderson. You sound happy. Though I don't know why. Oh, it's just the time of year. Mary's having a birthday and we always make a lot of it. Millicent is having a good tomorrow. And I don't know what to get her. She wants a new fur coat, of course. Good evening, Junior. Good evening, Mr. Briggs. Oh, she wants a fur coat, eh? Have you seen the prices? Millicent thinks it's for me to look at a price tag. Well, I thought she could read numbers. I'm ignoring that, Anderson. Millicent won't have just any, oh, big. So, of course, I buy her the best. I'll run on a head pop and tell Mom to get dinner on the table. Okay, son, I'll be right along. Oh, fine little bed there, Anderson. Yeah, pretty nice little guy. Psst, Anderson. Here's Mr. Jacobs. Oh, eh, oh, good evening, Clarence. Good evening, Oliver. My, I was so worried I thought I'd missed you. Missed me? Why? Could we step in this doorway a minute? Doorway? Eh, what for? Uh, I'm sure the gentleman won't mind. The gentleman? You know Mr. Briggs, don't you? Oh, oh, of course. I didn't recognize him with a haircut. Uh, I want to show you something. Uh, fur coat. Uh, fur coat? Really? Uh, free bear, and I'll see you later. Just a moment. Is there any reason why I can't see this fur coat? Oh, of course not. It's so bad. But if it got out, I had a genuine Bronx Wolfskin. We couldn't handle the customers. Oh, look now, kind of stand around in front of us there, Briggs. We don't want anybody to see it. There. Isn't it beautiful? It's fur all right. Rather expensive-looking too. So help me, Mr. Briggs. No place in town will you find another Bronx Wolf. It's individual. Smart. Gee, I suppose it's pretty expensive, huh? Look, Mr. Anderson, Mabel says to me this morning she says, Why don't you offer this exquisite number to Mr. Anderson before we let anyone else look at it? You know, Mabel likes you and your wife. Well... Mabel's offended by two, Clarets. Let me see it a bit more of the light. Now, just a minute, Briggs. This is an Anderson deal. Now, Mabel said so. Now, gentlemen, please, no doubt in this. Well... What's the price of this, Wolf? Well, I don't like to be mercenary, believe me, and I'm offering it exactly at cost $98.99. Well, sir, that's not bad. I was looking at some of them for $300. Would that code fit Millicent? Millicent? On her, it would look like a dream. Now, just a minute, Briggs. I'll get first crack at this code. I'll offer $110. That's the way I do business. I'm interested. Go on, Mr. Briggs. A hundred and a quarter. Wrap it up. You ingrate, Anderson. I'll never forget this. Maybe I could locate another code. No, it's Bronx Wolf or Dunn. You're going to be very sorry, Anderson. Oh, that's a fine way to act, Briggs. I'm glad he didn't buy it, Mr. Anderson. On his wife, it would look like a dish towel on a haul tree. Oh, now Millicent isn't that bad, Clarence. She's a nice girl. A hundred and thirty-five, you said. I said a hundred and twenty-five. Well, I'll wrap it up for you. It's yours, Mr. Anderson. And you've made me so happy. Okay. Here's your money. Genuine Bronx Wolf. Oh, boy. Little Mary sees this coat. And now back to the Anderson family. Oliver Anderson shopped around for a fur coat for Mary's birthday but couldn't afford the best. But on his way home, he met a neighbor who runs a small clothing store and he bought a fur coat from Mr. Jacobs, the neighbor. But he doesn't know that Mary had been offered the same coat and would have no part of it. Oliver is just entering the house with a fur coat in a package under his arm. Oliver Anderson, what held you up? Oh, I had a little talk with someone at the corner. Well, please hurry. We're waiting dinner. Uh, what's in the package? Nothing important. Just a little something I picked up. Don't let it worry you. Not, but I thought I recognized the package. No, no, not this one. Goodness, what's this all over your coat? Looks like hair. Hair? Oh, oh, that. Well, that's fur. I'll put this up here. Oliver, wait. Huh? Let me see what's in that package. Oh, Mom, don't be snoopy now. I want to see what's in that package. No. Oliver Anderson, have you seen Mr. Jacobs? Well, uh, yeah, yeah. I talked to him a couple of minutes at the bus stop. Oliver, you didn't buy that fur coat. Fur coat? Why, why? I won't have it. Oh, now come on. We can afford it. I won't wear a thing like that even if I could. And I wouldn't pay $75 for it. $75? Then you did buy the coat. Oh, well, another birthday gone. Why can't we be like other families? Surprises and all. Because I won't wear a rabbit skin coat. Gee, Pop, let's see it. Leave it in that package. I can't look at it. I see. All right, I'm sorry. I don't seem to be able to please anyone. Well, if you'd only asked me first, I could have told you. Oh. Gee, I hate to see Mom unhappy. Well, so do I. But how do I know about furs? And just five minutes ago, our home was a happy one. Sunshine and smiles. And I came in with a cloudburst, huh? Oh, I didn't mean to infer that, Pop. Well, you... You've been impulsive, if I may coin a phrase. But let's face facts. You're stuck. You've been taken again. I am not stuck, and I haven't been taken. Look at that fur shine. What's wrong with it? Well, I'm no judge, Pop. Hey, don't shake the coat. There's more hair on the floor than there is on the coat. I should have looked at it in the light. Hide it, Pop. Why, I paid for it. I'll see who it is. Hey, Mr. Meister. There's Paul home. Yeah, won't you come in? Yep, yep, people will. We were just going to eat, Homer. Well, I won't stay long, Oliver. I just want to be where I can see a friendly face. Take a fast look. A smile to warm a broken heart. Oh, Oliver, I'm a beaten man. Excuse me, Mr. Meister, I'll eat my dinner. Yep, yep, you run along, young fella. Oh, me, Oliver. Youth. Yep, wonderful thing. Oh, let me sit in that chair and you take this one. Huh? Yeah, it's got a sharp spring sticking up in it. Now, look, Homer. I'm in no mood tonight to corner you or anyone else. I know, I know. Oh, me, my heart's heavier than a pan of Marthy's biscuits. Marthy again? Yep, yep. Well, of course, it was my own fault. Marthy got to looking at ads for fur coats, and I, like a darn fool, told her I'd get one for her. Fur coat? For Marthy? Yeah, yep, yep. Marthy's a good woman, Oliver. Yep, she deserves the best. Why, I just spent up to $150 for a good one. But there just ain't any for that price. Fur coat. Uh, look, Homer. Have you had your dinner, Homer? Yep, yep. Sure have, Mary. Thanks. Homer, remember now, I'm not promising anything, but I might be able to locate a good buy for you in a fur coat. You can? Marthy says she's gonna have a birthday soon. Yep, yep, yep. Next month it is somewhere around the tent. Mary, let me talk to Homer a minute, will ya? Oh, excuse me. How stupid of me. Well, it's not that. I'm helping Homer out of a spot. Hey, did you say something about a fur coat, huh? That's right. Now, listen, Homer, did you ever hear of a Bronx wolf? Well, no, no, I can't say I have. But I remember back on the range, I shot a Nebraska coyote once. Yeah, yeah, I know that. Well, then you know all about furs. You can see how rare this coat is. I know where you can pick up a Bronx wolf fur coat. Worn by a school teacher who didn't go out much. Doin' over? You don't mean old Abigail Snoddress wore a brown dress? No, no, no, no, no, no, not her. And that's, that isn't the point. Now I can locate and deliver a three-quarter length double fur collar, which will go clear around, Marthy, and still have room to button it. Well, now you got me all hepped up. Of course, coat like that would be kind of expensive, huh? Out of the 125 sound. Well, sounds like it'll fit my budget. Where is it? It's in that chair. Wait a minute. Pull that shade down. Shade? Well, now, uh, anything wrong with it? No, no, no, no, nothing. Hey, that's real fur. Could any woman be happier than owning this coat? Well, uh, who's is it? Yours. 125 dollars. Well, now, let's see how long it is. Wait, wait, wait, wait, don't shake it. No. Never shake Bronx wolf. No, sir, that's right. Now, look, I'll wrap it up. And you keep it out of sight till Marthy's birthday. Well, now, that's right. Nice of you, Oliver. Oh, I don't know. He lifted a load off of me. Here's some of the weights going off my heart. Well, that's, that's, that's well. I mean, here, here, quick, take it now. Bring me the money, right? Yep, right, right, yep. I'll get it for you right away. And if Martha wants to look at it, don't let her. Oh, no, look, I know how to handle her. I'll be right back, Oliver. Well, I think I can eat now, folks. Is Mr. Meister gone? Yep, and also the coat. Oliver, and this. You didn't sell that coat to Homer. Sure, Martha won't know the difference. Well, I think that was a pretty mean trick. Martha knows all about that coat, and it's way too small for her. Okay, just remember, swass on des secondes. Watch that, Pop. That means let the buyer beware, I think. You'd better get ready for bed, Junior. It's after nine. Yeah. I was just going anyhow. Good night. Yeah, good night. See you in the morning. Yeah, jeep, Pop, you're a sure shark tonight. Well, you should feel proud of yourself. What a memory of his father for a growing boy to remember. Oh, you put too much emphasis on remembering. He'll be busy earning a living soon enough. Now, who could this be at this time of night? I'll get it. Now, now, wait a minute. Homer, a deal's a deal. Oh, yep, yep. Oh, yep, yep. Just stop him, see if you'll marry one to get him all his milk down the corner with me and Martha. It treats on me. You crazy or something? Maldive milk? Come on in a minute. Hi, Martha. Good evening, Oliver. Uh, well, how's everyone feeling? Just fine. Oh, hello, Martha. Uh, how are you? Well, why is everyone so concerned with my health? Well, uh... Oliver shouldn't have sold that fur coat to Homer. Oh. And if you bring it back, we'll take it. Take it back? We ain't got it. Oh, no, sir. No, we ain't got it. Where is it? Mr. Briggs brought it from Homer. $175. $175? Oh, yep, yep. He saw me going home with it. He made me an offer, and by gum I took him up, Oliver. And, look here, here's your $125. Oh, look, Oliver. Now, Homer, Millicent will be upset about it. She won't wear the coat, either. Well, that ain't my lookout. He wanted it. And by gum I let him have it. It's in the bag, Oliver. Now, wait a minute, wait a minute. You knew he wanted that coat when you bought it from me. I could have had that $175 myself. Well, Oliver, you just ain't alert at all. Well, are you going with us? No, no, you're going, huh? Well, now look here, Oliver. You know, I don't want no hard feelings. Oh, that's silly, Homer. Of course there won't be any hard feelings. Ho, ho, ho, me. Way to let Briggs Feller seize that fur coat in the light. Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. Looks like someone used it to clean out fireplace. Did you see the shoulder? Oh, I don't like this, Oliver. Well, if it's Briggs, just let him start something. Think we should wait, Homer? Sure, Gully, I wouldn't miss this for nothing. Let me in. Now, now, wait a minute, Freebear. Let me in, I say. OK, but behave yourself. I didn't sell you the coat. My bishop is a peaceful one, Oliver. OK, well, then what's on your mind? This whole thing's been a mistake, Mr. Briggs. Yes, Mrs. Anderson, but Oliver and Homer are the ones who made the mistake. We did, huh? It's elegant to be. I don't see no sense in that kind of talk. Either you're mad or you ain't. Well, everybody stand back, Marthe. You stand back too, because I may start swinging. Oh, look out there, Homer. Please, please, boy, stop. Now, just wait a minute. Wait a minute. Now, let's get this thing straightened out. Look, you bought the coat. Fair enough, Briggs? Fair enough, Anderson. Well, please. And I gave the coat to Billicent. And she threw it out. She started to throw it out, and me also, Anderson, when she felt something in the lighting. Probably moss. No, no, no, it wasn't moss. No. It was this. What? Look, money. $100, Bill. No, no, wait a minute, Free Bear. No, not quit. No, not quit. Pushing me home and quit. Let me in there. Yes, Bill. Six of them sewed in the lighting. Six million dollars. And they're all mine, mine, mine. Homer, you've been on school. Why didn't you fail it before you sold it? Well, I felt all right then. How was I to know? Well, I remember part of that money as ours, Briggs. I should protect this with my life. One step, Anderson, and I'll scream for Billicent. We'll have screams. Stand back, you vultures. Hey, what's going on? Well, never. I want that, that, that, that, that, that. Homer, you little. Homer. Oops. The Anderson family is written by Howard Swart, directed by Herb Litten, and features Dick Lane as Oliver, Louise Arthur as Mary, Walter Tetley as Junior, and Herbert Rawlinson as Homer. Also in the cast were Jacqueline DeWitt, George Peroni, Ray Erlenborn, and Jenny Johnson. Music by Gordon Kibbey, and your announcer is Ken Peters. The Anderson family is a Hollywood broadcaster's production, transcribed in Hollywood.