 Just like uncle Nani has just said we are appreciating all the girls out there, so Queen's Wednesday So when you're making your song by the way and now make a marambili I see you and I appreciate you You're watching right in the morning still so the latest breakfast show around my name is still Valentine or at Calamity Val and you can find us at white five on Facebook white two five four channel on Twitter Hashtag is why in the morning so you know it's that time it's girl's talk and today the topic is hot Okay, let me just tell you a secret in between me and you before we get to the panelist These guys have never been on set all three of them together So it's me Kaisu and you who know their strengths and who know how late this set is about to be They don't know themselves, but it's gonna be good You don't want to miss it. Okay, you really don't want to miss it So we have all the way till 10 a.m. So do not touch that mean welcome and let us say hello. Hi You guys have never been here together have you You've you've never yeah, you're about to just be surprised I am so excited because you're all very strong personalities, and I like the way you argue Why are you looking for a fight? People who know what they're talking about when they come together. It's delicious. Okay, let's start with the king today. Hi Good morning. Hi. Good morning. Please introduce yourself to the people who don't know and the people who cry for dr. Zulu Okay, we have heard you we have heard you please introduce yourself. Zulu Benjamin is my name. Yeah, I'm a psychologist live coach Oh, and the husband. Did you forget? Okay, I'm fine I've been away Come here Something good was cooking somewhere Just graduated from Pumwani girls. Ah Yeah Congratulations, is it a boy's a girl a girl a mother of girls Look at you. Yeah Okay, but one day when I'm sure it ain't no comedy known as teacher charity. Yeah Hi, how are you? Hello, it's it's growing Fun, it's about growth. Yeah some developments and then You're glowing even thank you. Can you please do tell them? I'm a trial joshua Student of political sense at Mount Kenya University Yeah, Carrie Busan a set now ladies and gentlemen boys and girls because Just in case you don't know what the topic is we are discussing common dating mistakes Now if you just go simply and do what normal people do and Google common dating mistakes We're just dating mistakes. You will find several pages Who doesn't know? 9 common seven 10 15 But I got the average of the ones that I found and those are the ones we're going to attack and I'd like them To be a bit close to home Examples If something has happened to you and you don't want to say it is okay. We can pretend It's your friend mr. Choma. I promise I got you at white five for Facebook white two five four channel Hashtag is white in the morning. What do you think of the common dating mistakes off the top of your head? Look if you're a tree, you know, okay, but not on a coser key dating game This is it. Oh, I can't let them choose. Oh, I'm a dad. There's something that we're doing wrong No, yeah We get to be overprotective Yeah, I did not see that actually I didn't see that coming at you a protective How those insecurities that makes us behave like CCNF bi And you know once you start that Making a mistake because when you're going to lose trust between you and your partner and then there is also the issue of Come on an issue quivo. It's like a piano final even then you start competing on something. That is not even happening Yeah In as a one a six seven cents. I'm a Tony over Imagination they call natural map It happens when you have a handsome guy one you would really have to like It's not an issue the guy is handsome You're not beautiful What is this argument? We get to be overprotective when it should not really apply You're about to hear from the doctor this comment And I like that and but part of being overprotective let's start here when you truly in love You should be protective of what you love That's not in security. Is that the same thing as being territorial? Thank you That's being territorial you're protecting what you own. So we don't expect you to say I don't care who they are with but yet You love them You care Now the next level what she's talking about overprotective is the level of insecurity Being paranoid exaggerated fear without any grounds and also Interfering with my freedom as a person remember I said when I date you you don't own me neither do I own you It's it's a partnership, but we still have our individualities and one of the mistakes and I'm sure she's Having one not like I said many young is a Pallage you is doing the right thing at the wrong time along the dating process Dating is a process like marketing. You don't mention price the first time you see the client you scare them You first describe the valley until you hook them to desiring And then mention price is something already Cannot compare without your getting So don't bring conditions when we are still new to each other neither should you unleash your gold To just a new prospect You risk being swindled and complaining and I told ladies also say I think I've been loving too much No, you've been loving the wrong way or you've been loving the wrong people There's not such a thing is loving too much There's a meme at a place if you must love with your heart just carry your brain. Yes Take it drag even if it's if you say Yes, on what to miss wenge said it is true that healing what treating suspicion is very difficult And once it gets into an a relationship it becomes a problem to the end Once you start suspecting something you may be sus you start suspecting the moves or maybe the company That's a proper ingredient to a divorce or a break up proper and then You know, we are old people Let's set my age teaching me new tricks may not be easy. So you get me now You want to tell me or you you you you want to Make me behave the way you behave it may not be easy Like in my condition, it's hell. Someone like me. I'm very popular very social and like to my husband He's a very quiet man. I'm very reserved man. So when he sees me with the people maybe in charge It becomes a problem to him. Yes, so understanding each other is also a very big issue Yeah, I Would like to start off with a slide so that we can have a Straight line, but maybe we take one umbrella then break it down as far as we can is that okay And we are still looking forward to your comments. So please do not be afraid I know we are expat in this a particular topic common dating mistakes Okay So the first one is and this of course is referring to the ladies because it is girl's talk So the first common dating mistake that I found is playing too hard to get Play too hard to get or playing games Play too hard to get or playing games. What do you think? It depends on what you think you are You know, I had them talking of these after after results sensors We are 23.6 million and you're 24 million and you're still asking where we got your number If you have no lines, don't console don't hide behind figures from the sense. Amen They are lines that will just you know, you get on But there are those that They try and then you like It's not even to you. Mm-hmm. How we became a mahal. It's not about being hard to get sometimes You're not just interested. Well, there are places that you'll gain interest along the way But there are places that you are not interested. It's not playing hard to get I just don't want to play hard to get you should really know No, but before you change direction Support the first direction that these men want women to be easy to get if she was easy Some of those would have gotten her before you came And then they would say is she going now? Let me tell you the process There are five stages. There's a stage that by its name it's called bait and switch that stage three You're supposed to withdraw bait is not the point start from stage one Stage one is called charming or seduction Before you meet a prospect whom you like always look charming switch on your beauty Don't dress from here to there Leave a little a little to be seen. Yes expose enough of your flesh to a rose curiosity without satisfying it Learn your body learn what what pops learn what people have complimented about you over time Then certainly not brazenly or loudly. We're not saying you look at the offensive No, but we have cut lengths and what they say about you. I'll talk about that next time Okay Yes How am I minding my own business You're telling the people who would have asked you that's liberal. We call you also call it liberal But you've already answered the questions. I mean my own world But for it also goes with the shape of your body if you are slim of your it also the scat varies Scat length varies and what it's saying but you're saying dressing away that you look playful inviting like It's a going dynamic not conservative and saying leave me alone The way you dress communicates body language communicates 65 percent of the old message you communicate 65 percent is non-verbal What you're saying here is only that five percent. So stage one is being writing B is a going We're not saying with everyone when you identify somebody whom you like Now go stage two into bonding start interacting with them. This is not the time to play had to get Okay This is what you do as a woman. You're not without help. You're not help place that you sit there. I hope he comes Fake like it's just my life that you like the fact that I studied this that's my psychology You've always had this interest of learning about psychology. It can be fake or true Life is a stage learn to act. This is not lying this acting So fake interest in his life not him personally so that it does not reveal interest directly Fake interest in his life. And then men like talk about their lives. Everybody is a narcissistic zero And if you I pray to a woman who wants to know about me. Oh my I'll tell you my lungs and my heart and my liver And when he's talking to you download and take notes about his wishes And then gently mold yourself to match those wishes for two purposes one to be the woman of his dreams Number two to check whether you enjoy it You are tuned you're more important first. I need to first see if I can enjoy so that I can mold So the stage two is called bonding. It's also called the examination. It's called trial The stage so it's about we are connecting and we are checking whether we are good for each other You get that's when you are molding. We are talking and you're downloading you're taking Even you need to write write ladies. We have a good memory for that purpose That's what God gave you good memory, but you keep abusing it and you're just memorizing useless things The name of your property Next attack now. That's something I recognize Sorry about that with the door, but we are saying stage two learn him as much and then mold yourself See whether he has enough sense to mold himself to the man you keep describing of your dreams Okay, if it's working in stage two, then you go to stage three what you call now with the door Kunaki Twitter Tendeka you realize that he is not exclusive with you. He has other exes hanging around him So after you've realized after you've demonstrated that your woman who is dreams If then he is hooked is he just can't do without you but they are beings in his life He has not yet corrected. He has not fixed his past. There's an ex who keeps calling. There's something that is not okay now run away Hold it right there. Hold it right there every slide. We are going to identify what phase that is number one two three We have talking too much about your ex. That is another Commentating mistake talking too much about your ex and that's exactly where you left it off But I want teacher charity to talk to me first Have you Can you imagine a situation where okay find someone has been hurt? They're vulnerable and then this guy comes along mr. Right. He's charming. He's nice. So he's talking to you But all you can do he's talk about the one who hurt you. Oh my gosh. I can't trust you because nani did this to me He used to like man you also now you don't want anyone who likes man you how do we overcome that as girls Okay, the fact that remains is that It's very difficult to forget about someone that you are You are very close to you know You have to accept that you are the next he's gone and you're ready to launch out You're you're you're moving forward. So when you get and when you get into a new relationship stop Maybe comparing your current Uh, your current person in the person who hurt you and so on if at all is going to do the same thing In fact, if your heart it even gave you an opportunity to learn Maybe you you you you it it it gave you a room to grow That's right. So that in the next relationship, you know what to do what you know to do So breakups are there you must accept them and when you get into a relationship another relationship one Stop reminding or maybe thinking of the one And it is very important, but check it positively How does it make a guy feel if all I can talk about was the man before This principle if you don't heal from what hurt you you keep bleeding on people do not cut you Okay, and remember the following After you come from painful relationship. It's very healthy to take a break in between to heal To regain your center to regain your balance Whether you are the one who dumped or the one was dumped the breakup is always painful Nobody wanted to have to quit something they loved Now we talked about stage two of bonding This is what I tell you that women Because you are so emotionally sensitive more than us and you get attached with all of him I told first year students I told first year students to stop starting to swim from the deep end So while you are mingling with this guy we are liking each other We are talking for four hours for our calls are possible ask safari come And you point yourself buying like air-tell and telecom those cheaper lines And you use that night only See that people being sleepy in the mornings because they did not sleep last night. They were chatting with new day So the point is while you are into it keep at the back of your mind. This might not be yet yet So I'm trying it. I might I might have to swim out So stage this stage usually interrupted by a crisis who may realize he is not exclusive Or you begin seeing attributes in him that you don't like the purpose of marriage counseling or relationship counseling Those who come to my office those visitors you tell them is to help you choose the right partner And also to adjust the one you get because after you buy phone you put the settings you want It is to you even download the apps that you wanted. Yes So even after you get a right man, if you don't set standards So tell ladies this bonding stage avoid getting intimate sexually if you must do it make it very scarce Seems scarce avoid getting a baby baby interrupts everything because now you're hooked to the baby daddy You might want to move into hide the pregnancy by creating a long-term problem A baby daddy doesn't have to be your lover. It's the baby is a father to baby But there was a guy here on man crush Monday just Juzy I'll it won't be a game. Yes. He ends up one meal At he cannot date someone with a child only one meal game. He wants a zero He was describing his view not the view of all men when I was dating I was willing to get a quality woman whether she has a child or not. I will not punish her for mistakes of another idiot You're not dating the child you're dating the woman But a woman comes and such a child is an assurance that my marriage will never be childless No, if you have the problem Don't don't give that woman pressure like you know, you had one so I also have to if you are not capable You are not capable Okay about getting a woman with a child right now if I decide to move on nothing will stop me Because okay at this time I can see a baby can't stop me from moving on You find a man you love one the first thing how to feature come open You get to tell them, you know, I have a baby And here what matters now is your connection with the baby daddy Are you still that much connected or is the connection between him And the baby when the connection is between you and him because now the connection after you have left your Relationship the connection should be between you and your baby And the man you are incorporating into your life. So there's no emotional That's what she's saying. Yeah Your past you let it be your past Because your past actually if you don't make peace with your past it might interfere with what you are doing now Or what you will do in future So you have just to get to have some peace with your past and then baby daddy's My baby daddy right right now say we separate or we're not together anymore I decided to move on he won't stop me because The baby is mine anyway And I like this I am moving to the next life. Okay. There's something that is making us separate There's something that made us separate or there's something that will make us separate That is if we're not intending to get married But the baby should not be an excuse to keep me in a relationship that i'm not happy with Well, well, I don't know what you've done. What you've been eating keep eating it. I like it All right. Did you try it? Can I please? Val this is a mistake that most ladies have been doing they get into a relationship They do everything possible to get a kid So that's to to trap the to trap the man Which is very wrong And did you know that you can even give birth with someone you don't love it's true or someone who doesn't love you It happens. So then after the child is out You start It is not it is not that he damped to because of the child but because maybe a reality a reality came out That for sure we are not Compatible you're not in love. So you decide to go out and then it it it comes out that When you carry this kid to the next relationship Chances that it's that the baby's going to bring issues into that relationship. It's very High You get they may be the father wants the baby Or maybe your current husband doesn't want you to To to to maybe communicate to that man Forgetting that that man remains to be the father of your child. And you know the child is is now suffering innocently So when I get a kid with the father With with someone else and then I move into another another relationship. It does not mean that And that the cut between the father and the baby is over It is there if if at all there's maybe the father wants to see the baby There's nothing wrong. Well, let me add that the gender of the child matters If it's a girl a girl can transfer fully to the stepfather and forget about the other one It's boys who insist on getting the identity from the real father We can't I wish we had you on that other discussion for dating single moms See do you need to repeat guys? Do you think we should I think yes with me on board? Yes Okay, but I want us to dive into this one. So we have one of another common dating mistake I want to combine these two so it's high expectations and and very Outrageous demands high expectations and about demands. Let me crack a job somebody say It's a it's a second week into our dating and you're already asking for 5k. Is it the registration fee? Second week First week my friend And what is wrong? You know, it's good to be open if I love money, you better know it from the first time Other than maybe pretending that I'm good. You take me to cheap hotels and then with the time Money, but are you patient? It's not the love that who bothers me What bothers you don't understand where we are financially It doesn't matter when I love money. When I love money, you better know it So that if you're if you're not in a position maybe to to to to give me what I want you quit I get someone else. I get someone who can respond Val, let me answer to that group She's speaking on behalf of It's to say that when we are looking for wife materials, one thing we know is we want we don't want a materialistic girl Everybody needs money in this life because we need to buy stuff But I'm also talking about if you needed money, have you been working to get the money yourself? If you want a certain life, I should see how much effort you've been putting to build it yourself But doctor, it's it's it's very unfair in my opinion. You find maybe these two lovely ladies You find one of them you want to move and she's come from a well-off family Her father has or whoever is her guardian has taken care of her. She does not really Understand what means to work at the extremely hard is yes And I find a cozy and is getting you know, and this is just a scenario and they're getting money But they don't really understand A friend of mine has married from current those that girl has lived there throughout her life Yeah, and then you come in to tell her oh to say me She has always heard those those trappings That comes that live that there's a kind of driver for her those kind of live And since it means we're cooking At it's the same difference in dream social class differences and people's attitudes Please understand that that girl is one of the most humble I've ever seen because she she never used the word carry when they were dating She always say it in gum When he went he realized okay, it's close towards going but it's actually current and it's not a rented home. It's theirs So she avoided bringing a team to lose a good guy So after that I come to see my son because my this girl has a lot of sense She did not put the live of her father in her family in my face to show me how far I am talking of sense Men why do you like personally yourself with this issue of sense? I mean if I'm brought up Well, if I'm brought up in a good family Actually, that is the life I'm expecting to live because maybe I know how my father was working to get what is It is not about sweating that much It is not that you provide for me I mean you don't have to provide the life that I Thank you, but you have I mean to try to get to a point where you are appreciated That's a bad attitude Because they don't know Maybe remember my father was doing one two three or maybe in one way or another He makes a mistake and then you tell them Okay, it should be done this way because I saw it being done this way. It's not about comparing backgrounds It's about making corrections where possible and then an acombia It makes less And okay talking of attitude you are talking of what she already said ladies love money What what else do you expect us to know? I did not say you love I said we need everyone needs money We need money Love of money is the root of We don't say we don't need money, but love of money. I'm talking about last greed Last being unrealistic not understanding the stage we are in life whose set is late guys my set is late Okay, it is not about loving money It is about getting to know what you want getting to I mean to understand what a man can afford Thank you What if we will not have that future together spend it now so that that future comes No, this is this another question do you love money? But not more than my wife I asked you ladies Love money, but I wanted to ask you do you love your man more than the money. No, just answer me. Yes But it's not my first priority. I need money. I love money. Yes, everybody loves money. Yes, if I have a problem Maybe We just got into a new relationship today and tomorrow I realize that I have a problem. Maybe it's my birthday You know, it's good to be I said we need money You're fighting a one battle the point you're driving is already home. Go to the next one, please We all say we need money So so this idea of men making for us a noise that women loves Okay, let's do this. Let's let's let's backtrack this a little bit because we're going this way. I want us to stay On route and this next slide is is very important because Honest, I can personally relate to that guys. I really can But you know, I don't know I don't know because I'm female and we don't know do you know, you tell me Picking unnecessary fights picking unnecessary fights. And I think we're all victims of this And if you're if you're going to tell me you're not you're lying to me What picking unnecessary fights? I like her but you see we are all emotional beings And it's good to understand your your partner's emotional status Very important You know, it's very important. It's also good to know the emotional status of your of your partner very important Okay, to some point we find that people who like let's say I'm vocal You'll find a man who is so concerned. I mean most of the time we're apart One is right opposite of the others. You find a very quarrelsome woman I'm Okay, it is always that way To some point I'm quarrelsome But I can't ask a question and then you just fail to answer me even if it is If that is what you call picking unnecessary fights Because when you pull I ask you a question and then you ask me That is why not the noise is going to start And then I start it you simply get to Answer what can be answered Handle what can be handled at that time to avoid unnecessary quarrels. Let me repeat something I'd say just in connection to the same every day Although a lion is a very powerful animal He can be chased from his cave by a chicken if the chicken makes enough noise many lions And sometimes although we are powerful we love peace And we can walk out of the cave if there's too much noise Even the nature is coming from a person who can't fight you really but her mouth is enough It is your way To the same My wife keeps asking me So I'll hear all these sounds like a rhetorical question That is it That rhetorical question if you have an answer Rhetorical questions have no answers But if you have an answer you just answer to avoid what is there next But also, you know, we have more words than them So by the time I said maybe to mend a case you see what now we are coming back We're all tired yes, but we still have a reserve man said That is why women were made to be loved not to be understood And then they make it hard for us to love them Very Me included At the Women need to talk more now schools on holiday and my wife is at home and I'm concerned because the reserve overalls were Oh Part of what's what she's saying is true ladies sometimes they just process by talking and there's a phrase she keeps asking All right guys, I want us to we're running out of time I can't believe it but it usually happens that we have a really fantastic time outside So what I'm going to do because you're very important any of the reason we do this I would like to read a couple of your comments from our facebook page So we have a man james In most cases men take advantage of it Week in normal yg classic since yg classic kenya still trending on youtube Oh, I get you. Thank you booboo, but we're asking the question. What are some of the common dating mistakes? All right, so we have A leash a leash barely people should stop rushing into moving in together I still need to feel butterflies when I see you. I still need to miss you It makes more things interesting and beautiful Honourable Sylvester sir gone. Good morning to you I wish you too The biggest mistake is me inviting the girl to my house the first time when she finds a bag full of somebody Hollow bamboos and she's like now. I'm dating a palo es bar. Wow All right, so move you all colossus. Good morning Erika's part of this matter be as you know, my day money is a thing. Yeah, I do as a lady shine way Gannies or but pay for example Oh Wait, wait, we talked about that on Monday, too. Ah, where were you guys? Okay, wait, Vic creeps is having a lady or a guy who is immature who is never understanding always influenced by Pay pressure no single time I'm tawa eskizana and I'm won't get like adults. He or she always wants to be miss or miss the right No future plans in the traditional unless he or she thinks about parting on my side I think that is the worst mistake we can make in dating Duncan o gangos is good morning dating a lady who doesn't understand or appreciate your small efforts and gifts Life is a mountain life is a sorry life is a small beginning keeping in mind that you can't move a mountain in the day Sammy Karan just is watching as usual in kiambo give them go And then Emma and James says good morning. Good morning. And then how are you? From yamera county watching you live. Thank you. The brachium balance is good morning biggest mistake Promises has yet to be fulfilled yet. The person is anxiously waiting and then men come and tell us we have high expectations That's not fair Lucas nor noriega way I see mother outing in a coup coup gionnetsha Coup gionnetsha not in any At the anajok pender sauna and lastly the interest is gone for love Oh, okay. All right counting down to a couple more common mistakes. We have peter tash this good morning Good morning peter one mistake is knowing that you would not like One mistake is knowing what you would not like And you go As in you do to them what you don't want to be done on to you Like because I'll pick calls assuming messages and such kind of nonsense Give me a boy. Good morning. Then we see he's locked from coast at the high valve. Hi, baby Mu and I think peer pressure need to make make fake promises and immature decisions Hello Me on a meme at some of one of the leading causes of men entering wrong relationship Sorry Says tuned stands stands I see you and I appreciate every single one of you remember it's at quite far from facebook I try to five four channel on twitter hashtag is one the money we have lowest more real ones Why zero exposing it before it's mature enough still lock And man James financial status can ruin the relationship Good morning to you all good morning. All color in our county were represented We appreciate you and man James imagines inexperience, okay, but I think to share your personal life on social media Massey You'll end up on post bay after two days When single you single you accept it when you're dating you're dating you'll be happy for it You post that you watch a suit opposed to your mwing in let me let me answer that Greetings to keep and we gotta go your financial status Your next move in your relationship status The problem with the special ladies is The more you put variety of men last month it was While had you dated them quietly until the thing matures when mothers get but they don't just show everybody They chat because it's also delicate. We don't know this guy yet. He could be he could be joneera to snake And you see So sometimes you need to You need to take a while before you expose who you are you are you know, you are new And the thing is let me see if you keep changing your status complicated in relationship single searching We suggest that facebook should limit how many times We're gonna wrap this up now. I want you to give us your social. My facebook is zulu benjamin page Gmail zulu benjamin at gmail your instagram zulu benjamin one. Thank you social media handle. I'm ralobeng on facebook twitter and Instagram then you made max ral jesho gmail.com. Okay, and You heard that here first guys. I told you it's going to be late. So you've enjoyed I knew these personalities are going to be For sure for sure for sure. You are my favorite panel this I think I don't want to say here But so far I feel good about this guys. All right. Thank you so very much for riding with us What in the morning is coming to a halt? However, Kuna repeat from 2 p.m. Like this until around 4 p.m. And tomorrow is hip hop Thursday with a handsome dj. So you don't want to miss it My name is valentine or at kala me val. It has been my pleasure. See you. Have a good day Yay