 Whatever, whatever, whatever, whatever, whatever, whatever! Greetings, I'm my sacred siblings. Today, um, I've got the windows open and the living room, perhaps you can hear that. Bummer, probably didn't mean to do that. But you know, once we start meaning to do sit on this show, maybe we fucked it up. They've come for a nice cold beer, not a sponsor of the episode. But a full-time sponsor of my good attitude today. I don't know if you can tell, I feel a little disheveled. I'm feeling a little bit out of sorts today. I feel like, uh, not necessarily trying to talk about my life today. I had a very dramatic day helping out a friend yesterday. And I cannot tell that story yet. So I'm going to avoid it as much as I can, but it's on the top of my mind. So I want to talk about it like I did just then. I had a dramatic day helping out a friend. I can't talk about it yet, uh, because there's a court case pending. And now I just can't talk about it any more than I just did. But if I'm fucking being weird, it's because of that. Um, today I decided to answer, um, a question that I got in Hello Bunk. Hello Martin. What else is here? I don't know. It's happening so fast. Uh, today I'm going to take, uh, a question from my inbox and see if I can turn that into an episode. We're 53, some odd, I think, episodes into the show here. And, uh, I haven't really done any requests or topical things. Uh, which is strange. It might also explain the lower viewership of the show. Um, today I want to talk about a few different things, but, um, I got a note from a friend and the thing was like, I wish you'd talk, uh, in the show about why you dress the way you do and if you have any tips for normal guy. I respect the normal people out there that, uh, that aren't obsessed with the things I'm obsessed with. Uh, but I'm happy to explain the fucking thing I'm doing. Um, I, uh, I consider myself a, uh, a communicator and my, my mode of communication, my medium is through beauty. So I study beauty for a living. I believe that's my job as an artist is to communicate through beauty. How many times can I say that in a different way in a row? Um, and so I, I try and like dress beautifully when I can. Um, I do it for me. It feels so good. But also it's just sort of a good practice to help me not be depressed. Um, I don't know if any of you guys struggle with that stuff, but I do. And, um, I don't mind saying so. Uh, it's a, to almost daily, um, battle for me to not feel depressed and completely debilitated. So, uh, getting dressed, uh, makes me feel powerful. My version of, uh, beautiful is as good as it's going to get. For me, it's like a nice white shirt and like a little blue jacket, maybe a little pocket square like this. It's better if it shows up a little bit more in the fucking camera. The fucking filming part of this is actually one of the tougher parts of the gig because maybe it's nice that like you can't tell that I haven't ironed any part of my shirt. Uh, except for like the most, the most bare minimum section that I possibly could and still be able to say I made a, I made an effort. I, I have this section of my shirt ironed because it's a quarantine show. I don't, I've never even stood up on this show before. So what the fuck? Why would I worry so much? You know, maybe this pocket square would be a little cooler. I got them in front of me because I wanted to kind of talk about this stuff today. I mean, kind of a cool effect, right? Isn't that a cool effect? It's just sort of like this friendly little flourish in your jacket to let them know you care about beauty. Um, who's them? I don't know. Them, the people in your brain. You know? Um, so I want to talk about two little things in that area today. I want to talk about kind of like basic masculine beauty aesthetics. And then I want to, I want to talk about one other trick that you can do. This episode fucking not brought to you by anybody, except motherfuckers wanted to know how to be a little bit more beautiful in their masculine way. Good for you, friends. Um, my personal, um, spiritual practice is dedicated toward maximizing the masculine power within me and the feminine power as well to get the results I'm looking for. Uh, and so as part of that has taken me down the road of studying my own feminine nature. And this is not necessarily related to sexuality. This is more related to, uh, modes of thinking. So, oh, hey Stephanie. Oh my god. Stephanie says she was impressed with my attire the first time she met me. Well, golly. Uh, that's a nice compliment. Tasty cold beard. Not a fucking sponsor of the show. But, um, I don't know. I'm a, I'm a, as an artist, I've gotten interested in this shit. So one thing you can do as a man to instantly up your kind of basic beauty level is, uh, in my opinion, get a white button down shirt, preferably long sleeved. Even though I'm totally wearing a short sleeved shirt under this jacket. It's against the rules. Um, long sleeve, slim cut if you can manage it, um, white shirt. And then, uh, you fucking create a V effect with your buttoning as far down as you dare. I do it that far, but definitely this is an answer as well. The only really wrong answer is this. I think unless you're like going to literally a board meeting, you don't need to be buttoned up that much basically ever. If you're going to undo the top one, my opinion is do the next one too. That, my dad would fucking do that. You know, grow up. Me though, I let it go one more because like, I'm just in fuck it, Bill. I don't really care what happens anymore. And I like it. I like to create more of the V effect. What you're going to try and do with your clothing, gentlemen, is you're trying to create shapes with your clothing. You're trying to accentuate the shapes that are already in your body. But there are some basic aesthetic ideas that work on everybody. Nice square shoulder that works on just about everybody. That's why a nice little sport coat or a blazer, whatever suddenly makes you look more handsome because you just look a little bit more symmetrical and, you know, for a lady, and obviously there's lots of right answers, but for, let's just keep talking about for a man, I guess, for a man, you're looking for basic shapes, nice kind of hard edge kind of shapes, a nice square in the shoulder, a nice kind of V headed down the body. That's kind of what you're looking for. Very powerful masculine shapes. Feminine clothing often will have more of the rounded shapes. Even like a female, a feminine kind of approach to a collar does seem to have a little bit more shape to it. Now, that's not to say that, you know, if you have a dick, you're not allowed to wear clothing with rounded shapes on it. That's not what I'm saying or the vice versa. That's not what I'm fucking saying. What I'm saying is if talking about basic stereotypical masculine beauty, the thing James Bond is doing that everybody fucking likes is the shit I'm talking about. And, I don't know, also just for the season. That's the other side of it. I recently got a haircut, as you can see. It's much fucking shorter than my hair usually is, but I just told my hair lady if I could give me the summer fuckable, you know? Just the summertime fuckable. Give me vaguely fuckable. Just give me in the neighborhood. So, a little jacket, a little white shirt, even like if you're not going on a date, it's just nice to feel pretty. And I do recommend a little pocket square for yourself that costs fucking nothing. And all it is is like a little piece of silk like this, you know? It's usually got kind of two designs on it. And you can kind of take it like this, okay? Give it a little twist. And now here's a shape you can put in your pocket. Or you can turn it upside down, right? You do it the other way. Let me get a brighter one so I can see the texture change I'm talking about. Okay? A little twist gives it the fucking sexiness. You want it to look like you just jammed at the fuck in there, you know? So, here's another one. You can kind of tell what color patterns, you know, what colors you can totally fit in with this. Wear yourself a nice tan jacket, nice blue jacket. You're going to look real sexual, aren't you? But I just like doing this kind of thing. Turn it up like this. I got your spikes. I consider it a little more casual, but a fucking cool look, you know? There are going to be a couple right answers and wrong answers. I think that if you're talking about white, for instance, and it's going to look like shit on camera right now, I think white, pure white is actually probably the most formal and looks kind of the most flower-like. So that's probably the most casual version you could ever make of that. But you can also take these, of course, and fold them up, blah, blah. I don't find the fold to be very moving, you know? Something like this. Just like a little square on the top of your jacket. I think that's sort of dumb. If you're going to have it, why not make a choice? It's fine. It's fine, right? That's what James Bond would have, just kind of like an accentuation there. Pointing at the shirt. That's a little too fucking tame for me, you know? I don't know if you can tell what kind of person you're dealing with. But that's the fucking kind, you know? So for me, I'm looking at that kind of a thing. I can't believe I'm sitting here talking about this, but I got asked about it, so what am I supposed to do? That's what I'd be doing, but it looks like shit on camera, so I'm going to try and choose something a little more camera-friendly here. I'm just doing the same move with all these, but there's a few variations, a few different moves you can do. Now, see, I think that is even like pretty fucking conservative. But it's fun to like be conservatively dressed and then be a far out motherfucker. You know what I'm saying, France? So there you go. There's like a cool version of that. So, you know what I mean? So, it just kind of looks cool. It took me just a second to do it. It's going to stay that way forever. And it doesn't cost anything. They're like a dollar each online. And, you know, if somebody wants to blow their nose in it, you can tell them to keep it. You know what I'm saying? Or you can like hand it to somebody and you can like put a little of your perfume on it, which will be the next thing we talk about. Put a little bit of your perfume on it. And not a lot. You're not chlor-forming a motherfucker, but if they need to, you know, fuck a tiny little hint of your smell on it, it will help connect you to the memory when they pull it out later, just saying. Now, the other thing you can fucking pull in your approach for how you move through the world, another thing you can do is smell nice. Oh, I know you don't stink and I'm not trying to tell you that you stink. I'm not trying to tell you that you're a fucking old stinky old bitch with your fucking balls all smelling like cheese or whatever. I'm not saying that. But here's what I am saying is you're not putting weight on the other side of the scale of that issue. You're not actively trying to smell good. And if you are, you may be using something out of a can from the grocery store. I can't recommend that, friends. I can't recommend that. I have to recommend proper perfumes. And so now I'm going to recommend to you some affordable perfumes of varying, I guess, price range. But I'm going to have a lot of affordable stuff in here. I'm going to talk about this stuff and give a few summertime man recommendations. 420. Oh, I'm so high now. Looks like something might be delivering something at my house. That would be weird. So, really quickly then. I've got four recommendations that you may be ought to look at. And then one that I definitely don't want you to purchase. Okay. First thing I want to talk about is this one. This one. You probably won't be able to read it because it'll be backwards on your screen. It's called Versace Blue Jeans. Nice kind of like spice, fresh, spicy kind of vibe. It really does sort of remind me of I don't know, like a big stack of clean denim. This smells sort of like fresh, clean, spicy. That's how I'd recommend this for you. If you like fresh, clean, spicy, I think you can get this shit for about 15 bucks if you're looking around pretty hard. The next one. This is by Jean-Vervais This is by Jean-Vervais. It's called Artisan Aqua. Jean-Vervais Artisan Aqua. You can get this one around all the time. It's such a juicy smell, man. And I've actually reviewed this one on my YouTube channel and I said it smelled like a sexy well. And this is sort of my aquatic choice for you. If you like kind of ocean vibe without like I know it's got just a little bit of saltiness a little bit of sweetness a lot of flowers happening but it's a very masculine smell very clean. Clean's good for the summer sweet's not very good for the summer unless it's very specific because in high heat the fucking sweet is the fucking devil. Alright, another one. Aqua di Gio Profumo Okay? Now, this is an Italian brand and it's got incense and patchouli as two of the main notes. This smells very clean and fresh as well but that incense note really makes it more of like a mature and it's more of a compelling smell. Everybody's gonna like this but it's not necessarily come fuck me. It's more like you know, cause I'm the boss and I smell good and I'm a professional and shit. If you're needing to smell good in the office you could wear any of the stuff I've already talked about and you'd be pretty safe. We talk about how much you're supposed to put on later maybe but this is for like even more the office or just a hot day out with your friends and don't regret smelling like this but you're also not gonna just murder everyone with it. So, that's good. And the last one I have to recommend is Chanel Allure Aum Sport I do, I do. I think somebody's coming to my house. It's always the worst. I never know why people bother me. It's quarantine! Alright, anyway Chanel Allure Aum Sport This is the one I'm wearing today. This is the sweetest of the bunch here. It's got kind of a roundness to it. It's got a little bit of like a vetiver vibe. This is Allure Aum Sport O Extreme You can see it there. Allure Aum Sport O Extreme is a flanker to the original and I believe it to be a better smell. But this one's probably the most expensive on this list. Like a 70 plus dollar bottle perfume. And it's one of the fancier ones I've got. One more! This one I don't think you should buy. This is Liz Claiborne's Curve You'll know it by its classic green and gold color scheme which is just so bad. Here, I've actually got some tissue here I can spray this and we can just bitch all about this. Oh, not too much. Oh God! Yeah, God dammit! This shit smells so bad. This shit Liz Claiborne's Curve for men. It smells like God, help us. It smells like if Spree could take a piss. It's the worst! God, it smells like bug spray had sex in the back of a van. It's the worst! God, it smells like it smells like if they embalmed your grandmother in this you'd send her back. You know what I mean? Not even as good as the embalming fluid. Liz Claiborne's not a sponsor of the show if you can't tell. I hate this fragrance. About 15 bucks for this shit that I've just flushed down the motherfucking toilet. And I keep it. You know, I know other people that it smells better on, I guess, but boy, there's just a million better answers. Not this. Don't do this. Don't do this. Do one of this. The fucking if you're a classy beautiful man and you want to fucking have some 70 or 80 dollar perfume on that's your shit. Chanel. One of the best houses. Chanel allure of sport or extreme. Very good. Little more affordable the aqua de joe profumo the three real famous aqua de joe the original aqua de joe which is one of the most popular Jesus Christ get this away from me. Fuck I spray too much of that bullshit. Do I balance it out? No, no, no, no, just let just live with what you did. God damn it, that's bad. Oh, I miss you too dear. Aqua de joe you got the original, you got this one is the profumo more incense and then they've got the absolute which is their kind of like amber aquatic and I know a lot of famous reviewers don't really dig that one but I think it's fucking ballerific magic I wore it while I was overseas or whatever and it was like one of the only fragrances I chose to take because I was going to sweat my ass off but I still wanted a little bit of the balanced sweetness of that fragrance wonderful fragrance. Full send on all three of those I'm afraid even though your dad probably wears it. Now, dads can be cool man get over yourself. A little cheaper still the Jean Valvatos Artisan aqua there's a whole big old line of these and some of them are good some of them are a little fucking abrasive but this one's perfect for me. It's got a cool bottle. You don't wear the fucking bottle but there it is it's cool bottle and it smells fucking way, way monster good better God, that one's good man and that one you could probably score for 50 bucks 40 bucks I think I picked this up at a Ross for like 30 bucks or something like that and I felt real real good about it and I still wear this I still get compliments on all this stuff or I wouldn't be telling you about it and then the Versace blue jeans it does not smell as cheap as it is I'm not sure if that's a very good compliment it's Versace but it's like one of their low-end fragrances but you know man if it smells good and gets you compliments I'm pretty sure that's what we're looking for right so Versace blue jeans for sure we'll do that and it's like this is the bargain basement fragrance on the show here this is I think I scored this at Ross as well or Marshalls or some shit and it was like 15 fucking bucks 15 bucks is usually the danger zone you do not want to wear a $15 perfume that is almost a guarantee and I've paid 15 bucks for this shit and it's you know not bad it's not like the total I don't know sex potion or something like that it's not sex panther there are no bits of real panther in this but it does smell clean and it's spicy and masculine classically masculine I guess we should say it's a good smell man full send on all these there's not a link in the description there's no more explanation I'm not even going to write it out that's the information those are the things I recommend and now I'd like to go back to like not talking about myself as much because I'm glad that we answered this question about like why I dress the way I do and like what or maybe some tips or whatever we went over a couple you know fucking trim your genital hair how about that you know how about a little note from the fucking everyone you'll ever talk to candidly yo you might as well trim it you might as well trim it just you know there magic three ideas there the white shirt blue jacket go for it always a good idea with the fucking pocket square that's what we're talking about that's the first thing second thing perfumes gave you some ideas there go for you third thing you know what it was you know what it was tasted beers not sponsored the episode have you got a bowl with you are you smoking bowls with me right now that's sort of what this show is hey Paul how you doing I bet you're not smoking a bowl but I'll smoke it for you here we go ready this one's for Paul well it's a good one Paul oh it hit me real low in the lungs this is a good one Paul oh I hope you can feel it where you are man because I'm telling you what man I had a bad day yesterday and sort of having a mixed day today but like being able to talk to everybody like this and being able to fucking smoke a monster ball on behalf of Paul out there oh Paul you'd be you'd be happy if you could get it yourself I give it to you just it gives me a lot of joy also drinking beers in the afternoon because there's nowhere to go is just also kind of nice you know it's sort of my self-appointed job to point out the sunny side whenever I can and part of the sunny side friends is just like you know fuck beers in the afternoon it's not so bad not such a bad way to live remember when we were like oh those Europeans they're you know drinking a glass of chardonnay with their lunch or whatever those goddamn hiddenness to Europeans and now we're all like putting whiskey in our coffee and shit we're all doing that are we all doing that am I surely not all of us are doing it but I'm doing it a little bit oh oh oh just to oh you just never now about usage I don't really tell you users manual on perfumes and anytime I talk about it in public I try and go over this because motherfuckers have good intentions of smelling good and and being respectfully beautiful in the world trying to be one of the flowers blooming in the world good for you and with great power comes great responsibility and in the fragrance world but that means oh too little is so much better than too much okay so I'm talking about like what I just did there I didn't even push the button all the way down I was like oh that's why it took me forever I was like get just to just to eat oh and by the time you hear go that's fine for that spot other ear I do it right behind the ear because it's in the hug zone but mother figure is not going to put their face there if things get intimate and they put their mouth behind my ear you know man where am I supposed to put this shit it's the only place I can hide it and for that kind of situation but those little half sprays that's fucking plenty especially in Colorado because we're so used to like fresh air people are very very sensitive to perfumes and they'll tell you they're allergic but if you we're not too much they end up saying like oh my god you smell so nice not allergic anymore huh motherfucker oh well that's right so I do one behind each ear and I do a little bit I do one on the wrist because I want to fucking take hits of it too and behind my ear this shit's going to mostly float up and behind me when I walk around or whatever or but if I have it on my wrist I can like take a little hit man I'll do that right now oh god it's so good I love this fragrance and cause I you know man it's not easy to get me to spend you know 70 bucks but at the time there were these things called gigs and you could like do your art in public for the people that appreciate it and then like part of the money they spend you get and that was going very well for me the places that would like you know have you come and perform the art they would like pay you to do that you know and then the people there would like pay the bar and it just becomes this beautiful thing that all comes around and goes around and I go to the other shows and put my little dollars in the system and it's just that's how it used to work back back before the quarantine kids I know that not all of us were around back then or whatever so this is a long time ago it's a long time ago way back when before the quarantine and um we don't have that anymore but like for a while I was doing that and I was starting to do very well with it again and bought a perfume for myself once in a while and every once in a while I put it on when I'm feeling like I don't have very good resources and I feel like I'm not feeling very powerful I put it on and it reminds me like things have been good, things will be good again that kind of a thing I know is everything got to be like a mystical tool no but boy it's more helpful when most stuff is for me I kind of use a lot of stuff symbolically for myself in my story and especially perfumes and matter of fact one of the reasons I got into perfumes oh man maybe this isn't interesting probably none of this was interesting but that's not my job, that's your job to be interested or not interested I can't control that I got into perfumes because I live and work here at my home and so that's a really tough thing and you can never come home from work is the other side of it so I just needed a little bit of difference in my days sitting in front of the same computer every day working on music or whatever and what's the difference between a Tuesday and a Thursday at that point there is no difference and that's a, I don't want that because that keeps me from being in my present moment when everything fucking blurs together like that so what I started doing was putting on a different perfume each day now I'm not talking about owning 300 plus perfumes I'm talking about just having Tuesday and Thursday seem a little different on some fucking level I don't know it just seems like an important idea and it almost is to me it's very useful and you know maybe like Tuesday and Thursday I'm working on the same thing sitting in the same position wearing different stuff maybe but like looking at the same screen having largely the same sensory experience but if I fucking smell like Chanel on Tuesday and Versace on Thursday at least then there's just a little bit of a different flavor happening and it just it makes it easier to focus it makes it easier to come into my present moment and really be here anyway thank you very much for watching the show today I hope that was somewhat interesting or helpful or whatever help yourself to some perfumes out there and try the weed if you still haven't tried the weed it just seems like are you worried about where your boss used to think about it