 I recovered, I recovered, I recovered, I recovered, I recovered Let's go I'm on a journey to discover the truth Living life and recovery is lovely You got the power in you Surround yourself with positive energy Judges hitting people with provocative penalties Need to make a change Advocate and change the laws Through the people that it's not insane When you stand behind the cause I'm here to speak about the pain Recovered loud to normalize the disease That's been killing all my friends Hit my family, the time is now To let it all go and recover loud The benefit is healthy people, family and friends That never have to overdose Ever again, never have to bleed out To a lesser defense I'm proud to say that I recover loud I never thought I could But I'm so proud that I discovered how To live my life again Controlling my own destiny I needed recovery I still needed desperately Addiction never defined my identity I recover loud here to tell my own story I recover proud save a life of like 40 I recover loud, yeah, I recover loud I recover loud, yeah, I recover loud I recover loud here to tell my own story I recover proud save a life of like 40 I recover loud, yeah, I recover loud I recover loud, yeah, I recover loud I recover, I recover loud, I recover, I recover loud, I recover, I recover loud, I recover, I recover loud. Welcome to another episode of Recover Loud. I'm your host, Mike Paddleford, and I Recover Loud. When I entered my recovery journey four years ago, I really didn't know who I was, or what I was going to be doing the rest of my life, now that I wasn't using substances to hide from all my responsibilities. One of the things I was able to do was become a recovery coach where I could turn around and help some other people find a path that might work for them. Back in 2020, I was able to start Recovery on the Road, a Facebook group where I provide recovery support and resources to anyone from around the world who might be looking for a better tomorrow. Starting the show last December was a great honor and something I really didn't know was going to work out in the end, but I was willing to try as a way to help the next person. My guest today is Melody Rose-Paul from Bangor who has found a path of recovery that worked for her and she's begun to write books about it. Melody, welcome to the show. Thank you for choosing to Recover Loud with us today. Your second book is coming out, or just came out. How does that feel? It feels good. It's kind of, and it's something that I don't even know, can I erase that? So I'll just start over. So it feels really good. I'm excited about the second book because I wrote it and I put my heart into it. I'm hoping that it's able to help other people in recovery. It's my 12 steps, but it's also a guide too. So there's tips in there for people that might be new to recovery, that don't understand the process and the first year and getting a sponsor and going to community centers and not knowing if it's going to be the fit for them. Yeah, so basically you describe your experience as your journey so that other people don't have to be nervous or scared or not know what to expect. So when I first started my journey back in August of 2018, I was really nervous about being around people. I was afraid that I would not fit in and I thought I wouldn't be able to talk or anything. I was actually the quiet one in the corner. So there was some anxiety just about trying to get better. I know it's a crowd of people that we might not know, but for me it was a crowd of people who I may have used with in the past or had a history with and for me I know it was nerve-wracking. And doing it in a different area because I went down to Portland really helped me out because I went to it and not expecting to know people. What I actually found out was a lot of people that I did know and it actually helped me feel more at ease once I got going. So Melody, can you tell us a little bit about yourself? Where did you grow up? I grew up on a reservation called Escsoni and it's in Nova Scotia. It's in Nova Scotia and it's really isolated there and it's a beautiful area. I left there 20 years ago when I moved to the Bangor area and I didn't know what I was getting myself into being a mcmack. I didn't know that there were other natives in Bangor until I started going to the certain community center where I met other natives and then I started feeling comfortable and I made friends. So back on the reservation, is there a lot of people? You lived there until you were almost 20? 17. So you were 17? Yeah. And that was the life you knew coming over here to Bangor and I'm sure that was scary. At what point in your life did you start using substances? I started using substances. I started drinking in my 20s and I avoided hard drugs for a long time. But I did get hooked on prescription pills for I think about 7 or 8 years. I use prescription pills my own and my ex's. I called it the pill shuffle years where if I didn't have it I'd go look for it and it wasn't a good time. I was very depressed and depending on always to get me feeling different it's not like that today. My addiction started the same way with a slip and fall injury. I was prescribed painkillers myself and in the beginning it didn't seem like such a big deal. If I ran out I did get some but I wasn't using excessively more than I was prescribed because honestly I was prescribed quite a bit. So being able to stay under what the doctor recommended actually justified it in my mind that I wasn't doing anything wrong in those years. The first time I tried heroin it was 2016 and as soon as I tried it I instantly liked it. What happened? Can I just say real quickly what happened? So I was clean and sober for three and a half years but without a program. I was maybe one to one meet in a month. I had no sponsor. I slated from people and I was like I limited my community like stuff. I didn't volunteer. I was I guess white knuckling it. And then I had a relapse. So what was it that brought you to that first period of sobriety? I mean why did you decide to do it then? Before the three and a half years rehab because the pill phase got me where I ended up having DHS involvement and they were like you're gonna have to go to rehab for three months at least. So it was kind of forced on you at that time? Yeah it was like kind of like so I manipulated the system. I'm gonna be honest about that and you can share it if you want. Like I manipulated the system and the DHS system and counselors. And in my mind I was thinking you know when I get past this and get my son back I'm gonna go back to my doctor and get my meds. That's what I was thinking. I ended up coming to like a realization like I don't even need the volume anymore. I'm off it now so why do I want to go back? So I did the three and a half years without any substance but I was not going to medians. I was not doing a program and I think that's what got me in trouble. So in 2016 I met somebody and they needed a ride to the doctors. For a surgery and I drove them and the doctor said don't be alone for 24 hours. So I was the one that was gonna be there with them. And first thing you know he's like they gave me volume and they gave me pain pills. Do you want one? And that's when my relapse started. I caved I don't know. Now do you remember? Did you have to twist your arm? I did refuse like that first like hour maybe but then like into the third hour he was already feeling good and I looked at him and I was like it brought back those years of doing pills and I was like I was already I was like I had no I think if I had a program and like if I really understood I would have maybe went differently. Yeah because so you had your relapse you went back out must have been for a couple years? No I went out for nine months straight and I just was on a nine month rampage and I did everything I could possibly do to get drugs on a daily basis. It was bad I was like I think I sold everything in my apartment that was valuable. I was being manipulative to anyone around me I was I would do things for money that was illegal like you know and then it came to like a stop when I got so desperate that like somebody somebody like said to me like hey can you buy me some drugs and I'll share with you and I had no money at the time so I said okay my addiction my mentality wasn't there like I was first thing I was thinking was well I'll get it for her and then I'll get high and then that'll be that but it ended up I did get high and she ended up passing away you know she had an overdose and she passed away and still didn't stop me from doing what I was doing. I continued to be manipulative you know yes it was painful because it was my boyfriend sister that happened to and it was hard it was hard it was hard but my I was so sick that I didn't care I was just the feed in the monster I was trying to feed the monster still and so I got arrested and I ended up going to be locked away for 15 months and in jail in prison. And that charge was a direct result from that night? Yeah it was a direct result and it made me like realize in the county jails when I like realized I was like wow what am I like doing like why as soon as like a few weeks went by and I was thinking wow why do I do this to myself right like do I hate my life that bad and what is my pain why do I need this why do I need drugs to like know why am I numb and out right so I did like dig deep and so I did everything I could possibly do to like find out in my core what is the problem and why am I hurt and so I did everything I could possibly do I went to all meetings that was available to me in the prison I went to self health classes I read I started writing and that was my I realized that writing was my therapy growing up speaking mick mack and being bilingual it's even hard today sometimes to vocalize what I mean yeah so writing it down for me is easier like sometimes if I'm having problems with like saying something to somebody if I write it down and then give them the letter it's easier for me yeah so I I just I started writing it and is that how your first book came about yeah this my first book savage to wellness it's a memoir and I wrote it when I was incarcerated and it took me eight months to write and it's my story and it just it was all it was good for me to write it it must have been pretty healing it was healing yeah yeah so you know I I've done some writing myself and just like you it's easier for me to write or type it is for me to speak so starting my Facebook group when I did you know that was fine because I didn't have to get in front of a camera I didn't have to talk to people and for anybody that's been part of recovery on the road from the beginning you know probably remembers that I was not the guy that wanted to do a Facebook live video or you know get out in public and take pictures with people you know but this has evolved quite a bit for me and you know your story has continued and evolved and you know recently you you just got your second book walking the recovery road and I've had the opportunity to to read through some of that and you know what I found is the stories that you are sharing in there obviously they're important to you they mean something to you but I was almost instantly able to connect with you know the you in that point in your life because you know I've had some of those same experiences so it's it's healing to us as well I get a chance to read it and as you're writing it and you know going through you know that's healing for you so you know I appreciate you putting these out there as a way for us to to gain that experience that we may not have or to learn from the experiences as somebody else goes through it one important part of your journey mentioned you know a 12-step type program I know that there's different programs for different people and population groups you actually use well bride which is a Native American focused recovery program can you tell us a little bit about that so well bridey is a is a 12-step program that is a little bit more spiritual like it is like a or in a it's just the wordings different and it touches the the books and the literature it touches a little bit on our culture like the cultural pieces in there where we use like a talking stick in our circle we in our meetings we do a circle it's a circle and then we pass a talking stick and everybody has a chance to share we smudge at the beginning of the meeting smudge and helps to cleanse any energies that are around and it's spiritual and people love it and it's just it's 12-step and some of their some of their literatures from a a yeah so I just I connect it really well with it because because of the like Native American piece and I was able to understand some of it their cultural stuff is my cultural stuff so that's where I connected where you know I I do go to a 12-step meetings as well besides full variety because I need to that's my medicine yeah so I'm open to any meeting actually because I'll go to any meeting because I'm an out of control mess if I don't if I'm not medicated with my meeting yeah like any help because I'm I'm all over the place I need I need support I'm open to support and I used to never be like that yeah asking for help and you know finding a community of people that are willing to help those are all things and you know when we isolate when we hide from people when we you know ignore those that love us you know that's when we're you know not in a pet in our best place and so you know go into meetings and finding a group of people that you know it's beneficial you've actually started some meetings you've brought a variety to other areas of the state yes I brought so when I first started going to meetings you know I started volunteering my first year of sobriety I volunteered at the Angora area recovery network and that to me was so healing because I was able to that's where I got to know people and I was vulnerable and I was like sweeping the floor and doing whatever and just being around people and seeing other you know other people like me it made me feel like it was my home and so one day I was like I told one of my a couple of my friends I was like hey what do you guys think about like why don't we have you guys have a little variety like what do we have well variety and can we have it like they were like what's well variety I'm like well it's I explained it to them I said it's a it's a Native American kind of base but it's 12 step it's we are our prince of the 12 steps of like any other 12 step it's the same it's just worded different right it's the same principles it's the state it's the same steps but which is worded different yeah and it's a different little bit spin on it yeah um so I was like what do you guys think what do you think of having a meeting here I like did the research of like what time what what meetings which day so we picked the thirst you know at the barn and that was almost four years ago now yeah yeah and also it's it's been going good the meeting we have it two meetings in spring and summertime so besides the barn there's I've been able to do a meeting at the park in the Park in the summertime because friends have helped me connect there and then I've recently just a few months ago started to do well variety meetings at the Department of Corrections and window and I go to the Women's Center and I go to the pre-release and soon hopefully I'll be going to the men's side it's once a month for right now but we're we're working on doing it in the new year once a week well I mean we know that no one program is going to reach everybody and if we can connect culturally with you know a particular population that might be the secret for them that might be that missing missing link for them to get better so you know more options more availability you know it's just bound to help more people so getting these meetings out is pretty that's pretty special and when you went to the barn looking for that meeting you know it wasn't there but you know you've got it for yourself you've been running it for four years and now it's spreading you know I mean that that's this beautiful thing you know so you know I can appreciate that and I'm sure you love seeing people new people come in and connecting whether they're Native American or not right yeah we welcome anyone anybody coming in half our group is like probably non-native or more but they I've had people come up to me that have a few years of variety now and they're like will variety help me find my spiritual peace that was missing and I you know and that to me is powerful you know and I see their face every week and like it's like a family now I honestly I've gone through some stuff and being in recovery and you know I know if I'm having a bad day I can talk to the people at you know in the in the halls now I know where I have to go and yeah and you know you actually introduced it to me just by sharing it on your Facebook page and I've been sharing your posts now for as long as I can remember in recovery on the road because like I said we never know what's gonna help somebody and if that helps somebody else you know I'm willing to share that anyway and you post early in the morning you know I've told you before I think you know your well-private posts are one of the first things I see when I open up my phone in the morning and I haven't been to a well-private meeting but I always read the post I always connect and it always gets me started you know so you know I appreciate you bringing that to all of us and I will make it to a meeting sometime whether it's in Bangor or somewhere hopefully not the Department of Corrections meeting but at some point I want to. I thank you for sharing the post Michael every you know I see I've been following you and I see that you're doing good too and I'm like you know that's inspiring so grateful to be in recovery today and have friends like you and like doing the things that I didn't know I was gonna write two books like you know same reason probably you didn't know you're gonna have a show it's just recovery is miracle making right it's kind of like where it's we're doing things we we thought we couldn't do or what was holding us back is not holding us back anymore we can recover loud yeah and you know you being on your second book you know that's amazing if you'd like to tell people when the books going to be able to come out how they can get it so my second book will be available in a few weeks well it's it's going to be available probably in January online and in bookstores and I will be having a launch party at the barn on December 17 and percentage of both of these books that I have both of these books a percentage of these goes to recover centers in Maine yeah I'm gonna be starting like a mini tour in January so I will be posting dates and in a couple weeks actually I'll be at the Native Center in Boston December so it's just kind of like I'm doing things with my book stuff but I'm also working I'm gonna keep working my regular job yeah so I'm multitasking so if I'm seeing busy when you see me I am busy but I am approachable and I just want to say if you're new and you're not sure what's happening and you're scared of recovery don't be just let it all flow and just trust the process because it works and honestly I've never been so happy in my life and being with people that understand me and you know being able to to just open up and share my life with new friends that are in the community is a really good thing so if you're out there in your listen please don't be scared come join us and see what your potentials could be so thanks for coming up from Bangor today to share your book your story with us you know thanks for all the work that you're doing you know and running these meetings providing hope and options you know for other people is great so it was great to meet your melody and you know welcome to the county and have a safe trip home today thank you so much Michael for having me it's so beautiful up here I enjoyed it and it was like I just I had a good time thank you absolutely recover loud everyone on a journey to discover the truth live in life and recovery is lovely you got the power in you surround yourself a positive energy judges hitting people with provocative penalties need to make a change advocate to change the laws to people that it's not insane when you stand behind a cause I'm here to speak about the pain recovered loud to normalize the disease that's been killing all my friends and my family the time is now to let it all go recovered loud the benefit is healthy people family and friends that never have to overdose ever again never have to plead out to a lesser defense I'm proud to say that I recover loud I never thought I could but I'm so proud that I discovered how to live my life again controlled in my own destiny I needed recovery I still needed desperately addiction never defined