 Do you ever wonder why a relationship that started between a couple who genuinely loved each other from the start suddenly comes to a halt without an apparent reason why it should? Before a relationship hits the rock, a lot of things would have been going wrong. Trying to make a lasting romance with your soulmate is a beautiful thing to work toward. But there are telltale signs why most relationships do not work. While the last thing you and your spouse want to consider is breaking up, the sad thing is, breakups happen too often. The American Psychological Association revealed data that proved that as many as 50% of marriages in the United States and in divorce, do you want a lasting relationship? What are the things to look out for if you want your relationship to survive? But how can you tell whether your relationship will survive? Well, there are surefire predictive signs like your bedroom habits, the way you argue, and how often you communicate. Even the way you carry your day-to-day conversation can shed light on your relationship's longevity. Watch this video to discover some of the most common reasons why relationships fall apart. 1. You would draw it during arguments In his 2015 research, published in the journal Psychological Assessment, Keith Sanford, PhD, a psychology professor at Baylor University, found that partners who admitted that they often would draw it during arguments reported being unhappier and more apathetic about the relationship overall. Withdrawal is the most problematic for relationships, Sanford said in the statement, It's a defense tactic that people use when they feel they are being attacked, and there is a direct association between withdrawal and lower satisfaction overall with the relationship. 2. You are not on the same page When Virgil wrote that love conquers all, he had clearly never been in a serious relationship. Yes, love can overcome many things, but if there's one thing that it cannot overcome, it is not being on the same page. You and your partner need to be clear about fundamental decisions like where to live, and if to have kids, and how to save and spend money. Otherwise, the relationship will fall apart. According to Leslie Doors, a certified relationship coach in Kerry, North Carolina, 67% of disagreements in a relationship never get resolved, and they don't need to, but the other 33% if not resolved can lead to the end of the relationship. Doors notes that this so-called deal breakers are often desires of one partner for the relationship to get more serious, personal beliefs and values, the kind of lifestyle each person wants to live and wanting to have children. 3. You hold your partner to unrealistic standards Your partner is likely doing the best they can, but like any human, they're going to mess up and make mistakes sometimes. And while a supportive partner handles the sleep-ups like an adult, an unsupportive one will treat their partner like they should be perfect 100% of the time, leading to frustration on both ends. When your partner doesn't measure up to something they deem even sign up for, there is a tendency to try to change them. With no understanding that your own behavior plays a huge role, says Doors. By focusing on your partner, it allows for justification as to why they are the problem. 4. You're afraid of being alone Many people will avoid conflict and pretend that issues in their relationship don't exist simply because they live in fear of being alone. However, this strategy backfires, as all conflicts will rear their ugly heads eventually, and by then it's usually too late to solve them. Being afraid of being alone and thus willing to accept any relationship no matter how unhealthy is another common pattern that keeps relationships from working, says Doors. Appropriate boundaries need to be identified and enforced. 5. You rely on body language to convey your feelings At the beginning of a relationship, couples tend to be honest and open about their feelings and emotions, but as things progress, many people doom their relationships by assuming that their significant other can and should be able to read their body language and just know what's on their mind. Where a conversation once existed, now there's silence, an eye roll, or edgy energy emitting that becomes divisive, if not ultimately crushing. Explained relationship experts Greg Berend and Amira Rotola, authors of It's called a breakup because it's broken. Over time we get too comfortable in our relationship, too lazy, or sometimes even become apprehensive and we stop communicating thoughtfully with each other. 6. You compare your relationship to everyone else's The worst things are in your own relationship. The better everyone else's relationship is going to look. But by comparing yourself, you're only going to feel worse. You're ultimately sabotaging whatever is left of your relationship. Comparison is a thief of joy. Notes Berend and Rotola Focus in your own relationship rather than coveting someone else's. The grass is greener where you water it and no relationship is as flawless as it looks on Instagram. 7. You refuse to compromise Compromising isn't just about letting your spouse choose which restaurant you go to every once in a while. In a healthy, committed relationship, the compromise is to make the conscious choice to accept each other for exactly who you are, writes Laura Schlesinger, a relationship expert and the host of Sirius XM Radio Show, the Dr. Laura program. If you want your relationship to last, you need to give up your need to be right and in control all of the time. 8. You don't express your emotions similarly Happy ever found yourself crying in a feat of rage while your partner hasn't so much as shed a tear? This may be a sign that your relationship is on the rocks. A couple's meta-emotions, that is, how they feel about emotion, need to be on the same page. As marriage researcher John Gottman, PhD, discovered meta-emotion mismatches were 80% accurate in predicting divorce. It's not about the conflict itself. It's about handling it in a complementary way to how your partner handles it. 9. You see your partner as inferior Heaven's contempt for your partner is one of the four behaviors that Gottman says is a tell-tale indicator of an impending divorce. In his research, he pulled couples on how often they behaved with contempt, criticism, defensiveness and stonewallon. Then he measured perceived relationship satisfaction and found that the behaviors were over 90% successful in predicting divorce. According to Gottman, seeing your partner as inferior in particular is the case of debt for any relationship. And this makes sense given that another 2010 study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that couples who showed contempt for each other within their first year of marriage were more likely to divorce before their 16th wedding anniversary. 10. You take your anger out on each other. In a 2014 study published in the Journal, Current Directions in Psychological Science, researchers determined that the people you love most are also the people you're most likely to take your anger out on, given that you interact with them more than anyone. But unfortunately, what they also found is that aggression is harmful to individuals and relationships, meaning that the more you hurt the people you love, the more you raise pushing them away. 11. You're holding on to the past. It's hard to focus on the present when you're busy living in the past. And this is especially true in a romantic relationship, as your complete and undivided emotional and physical presence are required to make things work. If you want your current relationship to last, leave the past in the past and let go of the things that are holding you back. 12. You have trust issues. Trust is not an easy thing to build with someone, especially if you've been betrayed in the past. But you should have faith in the person with whom you intend to spend the rest of your life. Sometimes you build a partnership on the foundation of mistrust. You risk losing both physical and emotional intimacy. Plus, you can also guarantee that, eventually, your partner will get fed up and walk away. 13. You love alcohol, but your partner doesn't. If you love a good night cab before heading to bed, then you should be sure that your life partner enjoys one as well. One 2013 study from the University of Buffalo found that around 50% of married couples with different alcohol habits got divorced before they hit the 10-year mark. On the other hand, partners who had similar drinking habits, whether they indulged, abstained, or consumed alcohol moderately, only had a divorce rate of about 30%. 14. Your relationship is full of secrets. Secrets are no fun, especially in a long-term relationship. And what's even worse is lying about them, like when your partner keeps secrets from you and blames you when you call them out on their secrecy, says Terry Gaspert, MSW, LICSW, a relationship expert and therapist in Massachusetts and Rhode Island. They will say things like, you just couldn't handle it if I was open and honest with you, which is why I had to lie. Gaspert explains, if you notice your partner lying to your face and then holding you responsible for their lonesome actions, it might be time to sit down with them and address the problem directly before things escalate further. 15. You never take any blame. Every couple fights, but healthy ones end them with both parties apologizing and taking partial blame for what is transpired. But in a relationship that's reaching its breaking point, you might find that either you or your partner refuse to accept any of the blame, with one of you painting themselves entirely as the victim. We're all taught a language of blame when we feel powerful emotions, says Kerry Davidson, CEO of Integrative Healthcare Company, Torneau Wellness. It's so much easier to become a victim than it is to think about our emotions as our body's way of telling us that our core needs for growth aren't being met. 16. You're not empathetic. A healthy and happy relationship should revolve around how each person is feeling. In times of conflict, we shift our mindset toward recognizing core needs of ourselves and our partners, explains Davidson. We try empathizing with our own unmet needs, empathizing with our partners unmet needs, and then coming up with a plan for meeting them both. However, partners in unstable relationships often find themselves fighting with their significant other with little to no regard for how the other person feels. 17. Your relationship lacks respect. A couple will never understand each other when there's a lack of reverence in the relationship, and if one partner has a blatant disrespect for the other person's life choices, neither partner will ever feel comfortable talking about their day, let alone their feelings or beliefs. The biggest reason that I see on why a relationship does not work out is that one partner does not respect the other, says Alexis Dent, owner of wedding vow company Exo Juliet. That is a formula for disaster, as they will never be on the same page and things will fall apart. 18. A big life event rocked the relationship. A big and unexpected life event, like the death of a parent or a sudden job layoff, can shake a relationship to its core, and often, this life-changing moments will result in other changes that many relationships struggle to survive. Sometimes due to a death in the family, development of illness or simply a desire to change careers, a person may want to move to a different area, work less, or pick up bad habits like drinking, drugs, or sex addiction, says Regina Demio, a matrimonial attorney in Bethesda, Maryland. If your partner doesn't agree with these changes, then you no longer have a shared vision of where you need to be or where you're heading, which leads to irreconcilable differences. 19. You don't trust your spouse with money. It's not necessarily how each partner spends money that causes problems in marriage, it's how one partner thinks their significant other is spending that does. When Ashley LeBron, a graduate student at Brigham Young University, BYU, and her fellow researchers studied couples and their spending habits in 2017, they found that husbands who viewed their wives as big spenders had the greatest financial conflicts regardless of actual spending habits. When it comes to the impact of finance on relationships, perceptions may be just as important, if not more important than reality. LeBron said in a statement, 20. You only think about yourself. Relationships are all about give and take, and if you take more than you give, then the balance will be thrown off and your partner will likely seek comfort in other places and people. This is such a well-known phenomenon that experts have even given it a name. It's called the social exchange theory. According to Mark V. Redman of Iowa State University, the theory outlines how we are disturbed when there is no equity in an exchange or where others are rewarded more for the same cost we incurred. 21. You don't express gratitude. When your significant other spends the entire day slaving away on a home cook meal, don't forget to thank them for all that hard work. Otherwise, your partner will feel like all their efforts have gone unnoticed or that you feel like your time is more valuable than theirs. Taking a partner for granted on the mind's relationships explains Poppy Spencer, MSC, CPC, a certified counselor and relationship expert in Florida. Whether people acknowledge it or not, being of value to a significant other is essential. When gratitude is not expressed, emotional and sometimes physical health is compromised. You might think that your gratitude is implied, but it helps your partner to hear that they're appreciated. If this video inspired you, like the video. We love you.