 J-D-L-L-O The Jello program coming to you from Campon, California brought to you by Jello and Jello Pudding starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Dennis Day Rochester and yours truly Don Wilson. The orchestra opens a program with Let's Be Buddies. Today friends, Jello gives you more flavor, more real rich enjoyment than ever before because today Jello's famous flavor is locked in to bring you added pleasure by means of a new and exclusive process. Jello's grand goodness is locked right into the tiny Jello particles and that assures you of extra rich flavor. Never before has Jello been so wonderfully good. Never before has its bright, scintillating color looked more beautiful. Never has its tangy, intriguing flavor tasted more delicious. For here's flavor that makes you think of the real juicy ripe fruit itself. Flavor that's better than ever now that it's locked in. You can prove that it's locked in with your very next package of Jello. Simply open the package. Notice that there's no telltale aroma, no sign of escaping fragrance and flavor. Then dissolve the tiny Jello particles and notice how Jello's captive goodness comes pouring out in a rush of richness. Get Jello tomorrow. You'll find extra delight in Jello's grand locked in flavor. That's the buddies played by the orchestra. Now, ladies and gentlemen, from Camp Han, California, we bring you a man who pedaled here all the way from Hollywood on the rear end of a tandem bicycle, Jack Benny. Thank you. Thank you. Jello again. This is Jack Benny aching. I mean talking. And Don, you can joke about it if you want to, but believe me, a tandem bicycle is a way to travel nowadays. You pull into a service station, the attendant checks your tires, wipes off your goggles. You stick your tongue out at the gas pump and away you go. Now it's really marvelous. Well, Jack, you'll pardon me for saying so, but you know, you and Rochester was certainly a funny looking sight cruising along the highway on that two seated bike. Funny looking. Yeah, Rochester, these chauffeur's uniform and you and that, by the way, Jack, what was that weird looking thing you were wearing on your head? You looked like Buck Rogers. Oh, that. Well, you see, Don, I've got a girlfriend that's a deep sea diver and she lent me her helmet to keep the wind out of my eye. It was really darn nice of her, you know. Deep sea diver. My goodness. That's a pretty strenuous job for a woman, isn't it? Oh, she's rugged. In fact, Oh, really? Oh, she is something. In fact, I took Myrtle. That's her name. A Myrtle Minkle hopper. Anyway, I took Myrtle to the wrestling matches the other night and on the way home in the cab, she won two falls out of three. She's got shoulders like Victor mature. Well, if it if it isn't the Jell-O oomp girl. Hello, Mary. Hello, Jack. Hi, you fellas. Whistle at me like you did outside. Say, you're really popular here, Mary. You got a nice hand. That ain't all they're applauding, brother. Oh, yes. Your figure is more alluring than the average top sergeant. Yes, yes, indeed. Oh, say, Mary, I tried to reach you on the phone early this morning. I was going to give you a lift here to camp on. I wish you had done. I drove in with Phil in the orchestra. They chartered a bus. Oh, the orchestra boys took a bus, eh? Yeah, 18 wolves on a greyhound. They are a spirited bunch of fellas, you know. Oh, yes. I'm only kidding, Jack. They behave like gentlemen. In fact, they rehearse their band numbers all the way down here. In the bus? Uh-huh. Boy, is my neck stiff from ducking a trombone. Well, you've got my sympathy, Mary. Phil's orchestra blasting away with that corny music and you and the driver had to sit there and listen. What driver? He jumped out the window on Pomona. Oh, he couldn't stand it, eh? Well, who drove the bus, Phil? No, I did. Phil was up on the roof taking a sun bath. A sun bath? What a character. Well, here comes the orchestra leader and head waiter of the Biltmore Bowl now. Hello, Phil. Hi, you, Jackson. Well, here I am, fellas. Make off like I'm Kate Hudson. Make. Thank you, boys. Thank you, and hi, y'all. Hey, that was some reception, eh, Jackson? Hey, Jackson. What? I said that was a tremendous reception, huh? Yeah, they sure love Kate Kaiser here, I'll say that. But I'll say one thing, Phil, you look good today. Your face is nice and tan. You like it? On my way home, I'm gonna do my back. You didn't get cute enough on that gag, listen. Hey, that reminds me, maestro, when your boys were inside that bus rehearsing, why weren't you down there with them? Me? Yes, you. You're the leader. Don't you wanna know what the boys are playing today? Look, Jackson, I just stand in front of them and shake a stick. When they're through, I stop. Oh. Unless I had a bad night. Well, you're honest, I'll say that. Oh, by the way, Phil, as long as you rented a bus, I think I'll load my bicycle on it and ride back with you and the boys. A bicycle? You mean you pedaled all the way here on a bike? Why, sure. Over them hills? Of course. With your legs? Now, just a minute. What's wrong with my leg? It looks like they should be sticking out of a molded milk. Why, what are you talking about? When I played Hamlet and to be or not to be, I wore tights and my legs were gorgeous. Weren't they married? Yeah, but you wore a lot of padding around them. Padding? You could have played Hamlet or football. You were all set. Oh, you're like all the girls in Hollywood, Mary. You're jealous because I happen to have attractive limbs. I've seen better looking limbs on a crab apple tree. Virgil, listen, you're only the sound man here, so stop budding in. Oh, are you jealous because I went with Myrtle before you did? Oh, and any time you want, you can have her back. Anyway, Phil, on the way back to town, I'm loading my bike on your bus. Say, Mr. Benny, on the way home, can I Hello, Dennis. Hello. Say, Mr. Benny, on the way home, can I... Thanks, fellas. Say, Mr. Benny, on the way home. How are you feeling, kid? Oh, fine. That's good. I had a little attack of hangnails, but I'm over it now. Good, good. Say, Mr. Benny, on the way home, can I ride in the bus with the rest of the gang? What is that, Dennis? I say, can I ride in the bus with the rest of the gang? On the way home? Of course, Dennis, certainly. Boy, am I glad to hear that. It was so windy coming down here, I could hardly catch my breath. Oh, it wasn't so windy. Don't tell me. I was sitting on the handlebars. Well, what of it? You had a nice soft cushion, Andrea. Some cushion. Every time Rochester rang the bell, I'd darm near Wiggledore. Well, all right, Dennis, you can ride home in the bus. So stop complaining and let's have your song. What's it gonna be, kid? I'm gonna sing She'll Always Remember. Well, I'm gonna sit right down here and enjoy it. Virgil! Virgil, my back doesn't squeak, so stop with those silly sound effects. Virgil isn't here. He went out for a smoke. Oh. Oh, was that me? My goodness, I'll have to have my oil changed. Remember, sung by Dennis Day and Dennis, you're an excellent boy tonight. You know, that bicycle ride down here with the wind blowing in your lungs did you a lot of good. And I'll last longer, too. Last longer? Yeah, I read in the paper where you're supposed to keep plenty of air in you for the duration. Dennis, that's for tires, not human beings. What a kid. And now, ladies and gentlemen, as I announced last week, for our feature attraction this evening. Here we are at old camp on in the state of California. Wait a minute, Mary, wait a minute. We don't want any of your corny poems tonight. Well, I wrote one and I'm gonna read it. Sorry, Mary, nothing doing. You let me read my poem or I'll tell everybody you're hoarding sugar under your toupee. I just put a couple of lumps under there to give me away. That's all. All right, Mary, it'll make you happy. Go ahead. What's the what's the title of your little epi? I'm wacky over khaki. Go ahead. Here we are at old camp on in the state of California. And the guys here are so handsome, Heidi Ho and Ocha Charnia. So far, nothing. Go ahead, Mary. I met a boy right after lunch. He got me away from the rest of the bunch. He kissed me, then ran like a deer. He comes back, I'll buy him a beer. Still nothing. Go ahead, Mary. When he grabbed me, I near froze, but his aim was bad and he kissed my nose. Oh, he kissed her nose. However, boys, I'm not complaining. He'd only had his basic training. Well, that explains it, I guess. Proceed. We're glad to be here. Oh, camp on Phil and Dennis, me and Don. What about me? And good old Jack, who is our clown man and Virgil Raymer, world's best sound man. You keep out of this. All right, Mary, let's get this over with. How many more verses 11, but 10 are no good. Then read the last one. Let's have it. You Yankee soldiers can't be beat. You'll run those jabs right off their feet. And when you catch them, don't let go till it says Los Angeles City Limits in Tokyo. That was a swell poem, Mary. And now, ladies and gentlemen, as I announced last week, our feature attraction this evening will be a new type of quiz show called Try and Get It, in which they know me, in which in which I, Jack Benny will personally give away $24 to each of five lucky people, a total of $120. Jackson, you're drunk. I am not. In fact, I have right here in my wallet $120 in $1 bills. Here they are. Well, I'll be darned at those old big ones. They're legal tender. That's all it matters. But I see one of those bills, Mr. Benny. They went out before I was born. They're just the same as the paper money now, Dennis, only bigger. Now, Virgil, I want you to take these bills and put them in the cash register. Okay. Well, let go of them. Oh, pardon me. There. And now, folks, this novel quiz program will go on immediately after. Pardon me, I'll take it. Hello. Oh, Mr. Benny, this is Rochester. Riverside to put in the bicycle tires like you told me to. Uh huh. And I ran into down to a good crap. Uh huh. Rochester, what are you driving at? Well, I don't know exactly how to phrase this, boss, but you know that nice, shiny bill you had on your bicycle? Yes. Well, I just won that back. What? The rest of the bike is in escrow. Wait a minute, wait a minute, Rochester, do you mean to say you lost my bicycle shooting craps? Well, I was pretty lucky for the first three passes. Lucky. And then what happened? My dice went into a minuet and my opponent becomes suspicious. Well, I don't care what happened. I want you to go to that garage and tell your friend to give you back my bicycle. Without paying for it? Yes, without paying for it. Just grab it. Now, wait a minute, boys. That boy's got a razor that does everything but run out and get the mail. Well, Rochester, what are you scared of? You carry a razor yourself. Yeah, but it's only a Gillette. I'm out of police. I can't help it. Now, you get that bicycle and come over here to camp on. Goodbye. Goodbye. Oh, say, boss. What? If I ain't there in a half hour, send a Jeep with a jug of new skin. All right, so wrong. Take up some questions for this quiz. I'll be right back. But how did you know when to stop? I saw my piano player taking the cotton out of his ears. Oh, oh, I see. However, Phil, if you take the telegram, I believe you here at sign now scram. You forgot to give me a tip, Mr. Benny. A tip. Ain't no regulations can start. I'll tell you what, Mr. Instead of a tip, I'm going to give you a chance to make $24 by answering a few simple questions in my quiz contest. What do you say? No counts to this. No, have a seat. Now call you. Who's the telegram from, Mary? It's from Fred Allen. From Allen. Yeah, I get this. Understand you're giving away money tonight. Are you going to take ether or use a local anesthetic? Oh, that guy is so funny. Well, let's forget arsenic and old face and get on with our quiz show. Let's get on with the quiz show. I can hardly wait to give away all that money. What's that? Don't get excited, Diamond Jim. I just leaned on the no sale button. Well, watch it and close that drawer. All right, Don, announce me. And now, ladies and gentlemen, we present for your entertainment and education a brand new quiz program. Try and get it featuring Professor Jack Benny, that eminent authority on good evening, you lucky people. Now before we start folks, I'd like to explain the rules of the simple, simple, yet tantalizing contest. Each of you participants will be asked three questions and will receive $24. If you answer them correctly, if meaning you ain't got a chance. Mary, well, shall we get on with our mental taffy pool? Now, our first contestant this evening is a lovely young lady. What is your name, Miss Myrtle Minkelhoffer and I'm a deep sea diver. Quiet. Now, Miss Minkelhoffer, yes, stinky. I mean, professor. Now, here's your first question for $6. What tribe of Indian is liable to sue you? Concentrate, Myrtle. What tribe of Indian is liable to sue you? You don't have to sue, sue. Fendi and boy am I stupid. I guess I'm under water too much. Oh, you're just a little nervous. Now, would you like to try for the $12 question? I'm lucky to get the six handed over. But Myrtle, there goes $6. Next time she takes a dive, I'm going to cut her airline. Now, our next contestant, ladies and gentlemen, is Mr. Phil Harris. Tell me, Mr. Harris, what is your occupation? I'm a sunbather. Well, you ought to try water sometime. Now, Mr. Harris, Mr. Harris, here's your first question. What great explorer was Columbus, Ohio, named after Christopher J. Columbus, the J I'm not sure of. But you won $6. Okay, I'll take a shot at the 12. Good, good. Then tell us, Mr. Harris, what great president was Lincoln, Nebraska, named after Abraham, Nebraska. That's Lincoln, but you're close enough. Okay, come on, now give me that $24 question while I'm hot. Very good. Are you ready? Yeah, shoot. This question deals with ancient history. At the battle of Chironia in the year 338 BC, holy smoke. Now, concentrate at the battle of Chironia in the year 338 BC, Philip King of Macedon succeeded in forcing himself into the Amphitianic Council, all of opposed by what noted orator? How to punch you right in the nose. And first, sit down, Mr. Harris, or I'll have myrtle knock you down. Now, our next aspirant is Mr. Don Wilson. Are you ready, Mr. Wilson? Yes, Professor. And here's your first question. Jello has that new locked in what flavor correct for $6. Now the 12, the $12 Jello is not only economical, but easy to concentrate now. Easy to what? May correct. Mustn't let him win. Now for the $24 question. How do you spell Jello? Capital J-E-L-L-O. Wrong, you left out the hyphen. Why? Conquestant is Mr. Mr. What's your name, buddy? Percy Kilbride, and I'm a messenger boy also. I see. Now, Mr. Kilbride, here's your first question for $6. Who invented the steam engine? Well, I see. You gotta think it out, you know. We gotta think it out. Take your time. Now tell us, who invented the... Sorry, time's up. Now for our final victim, or contestant this evening, we have Mr. Dennis Day. Are you sharp tonight, Dennis? What camp are we at? Good. Now listen carefully. Here's your first question for $6. How many men are George Bernard Shaw? Boy, that's a tough one. One is correct. Now, now would you like to... If I say the first thing comes in my head, I'll get it wrong. Sit down, Mr. Kilbride. You were late. Sit down. Now tell us, Mr. Day, how many men are Fred Mac Murray? How much have I won so far? One is correct. Very, very good. Now, would you like to try... I got the answer. I know who invented the steam engine. I told you your time is up, Mr. Kilbride. Now, Mr. Day, how would you like to try for the $24 question? No, I'll take the 12 and quit. You will not. Virgil, don't you give him a penny. Now concentrate, Mr. Day. This is for $24 or nothing. How many men are John Charles Thomas? Oh, I get it. One man. Wrong. John Charles Thomas are three men. Three men? Yes, John Barrymore, Charles Lawton, and Thomas Jefferson. And so, folks, try and get it to wind up the first contest by paying out a total of $6 to Ms. Myrtle Minklehopper. Congratulations, Ms. Minklehopper. Got the answer. Got the answer, Professor. The too late, too late play, Phil. Prepare to be praised, friends, when you serve this dessert because of something mighty grand. Its name? Raspberry cheese dessert and the more delightful treats you've just never tasted. You'll find it's easy to make, too, as just as simple as can be. And here's how you do it. Just dissolve one package of jello imitation raspberry flavor in one pint of hot water and turn into a ring mold. Chill until firm and after unmolding it, fill the center with cottage cheese. Then serve it with toasted crackers and see if it doesn't make an instant hit with the whole family. You'll love the way these two swell flavors blend together. The smooth, creamy goodness of cottage cheese and the rich, tangy flavor of raspberry jello. Make up this beautiful red and white dessert tomorrow. Order several packages of raspberry jello and be sure when you do, you get genuine jello because jello's new process locks in the flavor and gives you extra richness. This is the last number of the 28th program in the current jello series and we will be with you again next Sunday night at the same time. Meanwhile, I'd like to thank Colonel Cowley, Major Vickery, and Captain Stalkup for a swell time here at Camp Hon. Say, Jack. What? That quiz contest of yours was the biggest phony I ever heard of. What do you mean phony? I paid Myrtle $6, didn't I? Why don't you give her four more so she can have her face lifted? Oh, don't be so catty. Good night, folks. The jello program is written by Bill Maron. That's for the entertainment of the Army personnel and the track contest is an endorsement of the product by the War Department.