 J-E-L-L-O! The Jell-O program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Kenny Baker, and yours truly, Don Wilson. The orchestra opens the program with, This Can't Be Love. Ladies and gentlemen, you know I've been thinking that today is a day of universal thank you. Everybody's unwrapping Christmas gifts, everybody's saying thank you to somebody else, and we want to say it too. We want to thank you listeners for your gift to us of friendship and loyalty during the past four and a half years. You made us mighty happy, tuning in every Sunday night, and we hope that we in turn have helped make you happy, and brought you some pleasant half hours. So for the makers of Jell-O, and for every one of us on the Jell-O program, thank you and Merry Christmas. It was This Can't Be Love played by the orchestra. Now, ladies and gentlemen, this being Christmas Day, we look in on Jack Benny's home in Beverly Hills, where he's holding open house for all his friends. Take it away! Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle around the table, oh what fun it is to ride in a rumble seat with Gable, jingle bells, jingle bells, I'm the... Mary, I wish you wouldn't jingle this ladder, I'm liable to fall off. Oh, I'm sorry, Jack. And hand me the rest of those ornaments, I want to get this tree decorated before the gang gets here. Yes, sir. This is a fine time to be trimming a Christmas tree, it should have been done a week ago. Well, I wanted to look around and get a real good one. I never saw such a droopy tree, it looks like Zazu Pits in a green dress. Mary, all this tree needs is a few decorations. Now, hand me up those candy canes. Here you are. And hold the ladder. Hey, I had 12 of these candy canes, now there's only 11. Where's the other one? Don't look at me. I'm not looking at you, I'm asking you. All right, I ate it. Here's 10 cents. Smartie, I bet you'd be surprised if I took it. I wouldn't be surprised if you sued me. Mary, I want to get this finished. Hey, Rochester. Yes, boss? Where's that big glass star I told you to pack away last Christmas? You mean that shiny one with the three points on it? That star has five points. Well, it went down two points this last year. All right, bring it anyway. Mary, hand me some of that silver tinsel there. Here you are. Say, Jack, are your socks dry yet? Yeah. Well, take them off the tree. People will be here soon. Okay. Now, hang on to the ladder, Mary. I want to fix these top branches here. Hold tight now. Well, I'll be darned. What's the matter, Jack? There's a little squirrel up here on the top. Hello, squirrel. Hello, nut. Get away from me. Shoot. Mary, hand me that Cupid doll I won at Ocean Park. I'll hang that on the tree top there. Oh, Jack, that looks so corny. Why don't you get rid of it? Listen, Mary, I threw over 100 baseballs to win this doll, and I'm going to keep it. That's right. Say, how much tin foil have you got saved up by now? About three tons. Oh, shut up. Hand me a couple of those popcorn balls. There's a door, Mr. Benny. You want me to answer it? Look, Rochester, I'm up here on the ladder. My arms are full of ornaments. So what do you think? Well, how long before you'll be down? And to the door. Yes, ma'am. Say, Mary, this tree is beginning to look pretty good now, isn't it? That tree wouldn't look good if Earl Carroll hung chorus girls on it. Oh, I don't know about that. Well, well, happy Euletide, gentlemen, on tree. Oh, Jack, they're the boys from Phil's Orchestra. Gosh, what they did to my house last time they were here. Come in, fellas. Merry Christmas, everybody. Rochester, take the boys in the other room and give them some refreshments. You mean that punch you fixed up this afternoon? Yeah, help yourself, boys. Take it easy, man. It ain't nothing to get excited about. That Rochester doesn't think punch is any good unless you have to crawl away from the bowl. Now, let's see. Say, Jack, who's all coming over tonight anyway? Well, there's our whole gang. Then I invited some very important people. See, Robert Taylor and Barbara Stanwyck, Clark Gable and Carol Lombard, Ronald Coleman, and Ginger Rogers. Oh, a whole flock of them. Well, gee, I ought to run home and put on a dress with a lower back. Lower back. It's down to San Diego now. And, oh, Merry, you want to hear something terrific? I asked Barbara Whitney to come here as my guest. Barbara Whitney? Yeah, you remember the girl I took away from Phil Harris? The girl you took away from Phil? What are you laughing at? That's like taking your hair away from John L. Lewis's eyebrows. Yes, the same. Phil will burn up when he sees her here. Is she coming alone? No, I asked Don Wilson to stop by and pick her up. Now, Merry, hand me some more of that tinsel. I want to get this tree finished. Well, I guess they're starting to arrive now, huh? Hey, Mr. Benny, are you still up on that ladder? Yes, I am. OK, then I'll answer it. Well, that's mighty sweet of you. See, now I think I'll put something on this branch here. Oh, Jack, why don't you stop fussing with that tree and come down? No, Mary, Miss Whitney will be here. And I want it to look beautiful. Oh, Rochester. Hello, Mr. Baker. Merry Christmas, season's felicitations, and wipe your feet. Hiya, Kenny. Merry Christmas, everybody. Come on in, Kenny. Hang up your hat and coat and make yourself at home. OK, Jack. Am I the first one here? No, the orchestra boys are in the other room. Hey, Kenny, don't hang your coat on the Christmas tree. Would need something. Well, it's not that bear. Oh, say, Jack, here's a little present for you. It's nothing much, but I hope you like it. Oh, thanks, Kenny. Here, catch it. Gee, I wonder what it is. I'll bet it's a baked apple. Bet it isn't. Say, it's a pretty package. Oh, Kenny, these are beautiful. They're the very latest thing, Jack, musical handkerchiefs. Musical handkerchiefs? Yeah, every time you blow your nose, chimes ring. Well, I'll be darned. I can hardly wait till I catch a cold. Well, why don't you try one, Jack? OK, I will. Now blow hard. Well, isn't that a novelty? I wonder how they ever made these. They must have crossed a piece of linen with a hunk of xylophone. Mary, you're positively brilliant. Say, Jack, as long as the orchestra boys are here, I'd like to go in the next room and brush up on my song. Well, go ahead, Kenny. We'll want a little entertainment. OK, see you later. Now, Mary, we've just got a few more things to put up. So hand me that big paper bell there. Here you are, Jack. Hey, Rochester, there's the door again. I've got my shoes off. Well, put them on and answer it. OK. You know, Mary, the way Rochester's been acting lately, I've got a good mind not to give him his Christmas present. What'd you get him, Jack? A brand new vacuum cleaner. A vacuum cleaner? Yes. Oh, that's lovely. He can play with it on his day off. Well, at least it's something practical. Here you are, boys, a couple of telegrams, boys. Telegrams. See where they're from, Mary. OK. Christmas greetings, I suppose, huh? Oh, Jack, this wire is from Robert Taylor. Oh, Bob, huh? Yes, he says that, dear Jack, terribly sorry that Ms. Stanwick and I are unable to come to your party tonight, as Ms. Stanwick's dog, Grover, is quite ill. I don't believe it. That's just a thin excuse. What's the other wire, Mary? Here it is. It says that, dear Jack, believe me, Mr. Taylor is telling the truth. I have a terrible headache signed, Grover. Well, it doesn't take Sherlock Holmes to see through those wires. I'm glad they're not coming. That burns me up. Hey, Jack, should I try him a song now? Yes, go ahead and try it. What do I care? Mary, hand me some more of that lousy tinsel. Oh. Oh, town of Bethlehem, how still we see thee, lie above thy dearest sleep, the silent stars go bright in the dark street shine, the little ones send to us. Now, the Rose Bowl game. The round shiny thing on top. Jack's head. It is not. It's a silver moon. Hey, boss, another telegram for you. Take it, Mary. I wonder if I should put a popcorn ball on top there instead of a star. Oh, Jack, this telegram is from Ronald Coleman. Oh, Ronnie, what does he say? He says, dear sir, I can't exceedingly that I cannot attend your holiday gathering. And incidentally, how did you get my address? How did I get his address? He lives right in back of me. Well, there's another one off your list. Yeah. Oh, darn it, that top bulb went out. Hold the ladder tight, Mary. I guess I can reach it. Oh, Jack, here comes Don Wilson and Barbara Whitney up the front steps. Oh, fine. Let him in, Mary. OK. Gee, I hope Barbara liked the Christmas present I sent her. Same to you, Mary. Merry Christmas, everybody. Hello, Jack. Oh, hello, but was that the door, Mr. Benny? No, that was me. I fell off the ladder. Oh, I won't. Help me up, Don. Oh, I sat on some ornaments. I hope somebody sent me a pair of tweezers. Here, give me your hand, Jack. That's too bad. Oh, I'm awfully sorry, Jack. It's all my fault. No, it isn't, Barbara. I'd have probably fallen off anyway. Gee, I'm glad to see you, Babs. Hey, did Don drive carefully on the way over? Well, he drove pretty fast, but he had his arm around me so I wouldn't bounce out. Oh. Oh, so that's it. Why, Don? From Harris to Benny to Wilson. Now, wait a minute, Mary. I'm not a bit jealous of Don. He's my friend, aren't you, Don? Yes, Jack, and believe me, I acted like a perfect gentleman. Did he, Barbara? Well, he did whisper something in my ear that was kind of cute. Oh, yeah? What was it, Don? Well, Jack, I'll admit, I did sort of lose my head for a minute. All right. Come on, Don. What did you whisper in Barbara's ear? Well, I got all excited, and I said, roses are red, violets are blue, jello is tempting, and so are you. All right, Don Wilson, look at those big red blushes on your face. Say, Babs, did you get the Christmas present I sent you? Thanks, Jack. They were lovely, but I never wear pink ones. Oh, Don and Barbara keeps them. Gosh. Oh, boy, Jack, you sure something devil. Stop laughing, Kenny. I bought Barbara a pair of pink gloves. I bet they got lace on them. They have nothing on the kind. Now, come on, everybody. Let's go in the other room and have some refreshment. Let's try and get some of these. Hey, boss, boss. What is it, Rochester? There's somebody at the back door who wants to see you. Oh, yes. I know who it is. Excuse me a minute. Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way. Oh, hello, Andy. Hi, you buck. Not so loud. Wait till I close the door. Now, look, Andy. You'll find the sandy cloth suit out there in the garage. And as soon as you're dressed, you climb up on the roof and come down the chimney. Well, I better put a beard on so they won't recognize me. Yeah, you better put one on your tonsils, too. Now, here's the bag with all the presents in it. OK, gee, this is going to be fun. Quiet, Andy. Quiet. They'll hear you. Oh, say, buck, here's a little Christmas present that Ma sent you. I hope you like it. Well, that was very sweet of her. What is it, Andy? Well, it's a combination salad, fork, and back scratcher. Well, say there's a comb on there, too. Now, that's for your hair, are you? Wait a minute, Andy. Say there's a comb on there, too. Well, that's for your hair, as you're going by. Oh, yeah. But it's too late now. Now, look, remember, Andy, remember when you're all dressed up. Look it, when you're all dressed up, get up on the roof. See? And here's your cube. When you hear me say, sandy claws will be here in a minute. You come down the chimney. OK, see you later, buck. I feel like a darn fool. Quiet, Andy. Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way. Dumb, dumb, dumb. Well, here I am again, gang. Hey, I'm sorry, Barbara. I had a little business to attend to. Oh, that's quite all right. Say, Jack, another telegram just came for you. It's from Clark Gable and Carol Umbard. Oh, what does it say? It says that we would love to be with you tonight, but we were invited somewhere else in the nick of time. Well, of all the... that's the last time I'll ever invite them. I hope Ginger Rogers doesn't wire me that she can't come. She couldn't wait. She telephoned. Oh, that's fine. The next time I'm going to invite them, I'm going to invite them. Oh, that's fine. The next time I'll give a party, I'll get a crowd if I have to change my name to Elsa Maxwell. This is awful. Yeah, what are we going to do with all this food in the kitchen? I don't know, Rochester. Oh, gone. I'll be eating so much cranberry sauce I'll be red in the face. That's a neat trick if you can do it. Red in the face. Say, Jack, isn't Phil Harris coming over tonight? Phil, of course he is. And wait until he sees Barbara Whitney here. Why, Jack, didn't you tell Phil I had a date with you tonight? No, let the wise guy find out for himself. Hey, boys, how about playing a number? Now, listen, we'll wait and we'll dance till dinner is ready. And leave the punch ball on the table. You can go back. Come on, Babs. Let you and I dance. I'm sorry, Jack. I promised the first one to Don. Oh, I see. Well, Mary, it looks like I'm stuck with you. Oh, no, you're not. I'm stuck with Kenny. Well, play, boys. Hey! Rochester. I don't want to dance. Newspapers, get out of that easy chair. Hit it, boys. Who does Clark Gable think he is anyway? I enjoyed that dance very much. So did I, Don. Say, Mary, I'm some dancer, ain't I? Kenny, you're marvelous, and believe me, I'm kidding. Thanks, pal. Hey, Jack, what are you doing up on that ladder again? I want to put these ornaments back on top of the tree. Now, Mary, hold the ladder steady this time, will you? There's the door, Rochester. The door's gone every time that bell rings you up on the ladder. Listen, Rochester, you'd be trimming this tree yourself if you weren't colorblind. Mary, hand me up those scissors. Well, well, Merry Christmas, Mr. Harris. Hi, you Rochester. Say, Jack, it's Phil Harris. Oh, boy, Wadeley sees Barbara here. Merry Christmas, Phil. Same to you, Jackson. Say, Jack, I brought a friend along. Do you mind? No, no. Who is it? Joan Bennett. Joan Bennett. Hello, Joan. Hello, Jack. Well, Jack, what are you doing in that ridiculous position? Who, me? It's a non-carb, but you don't know it. Help me up, Mary. Well, Joan, I'm awfully glad you dropped in. She was nice of Phil to bring you. Oh, he and I are old friends, aren't we, Phil? You said it, baby. Baby. You know, Joan, every girl he takes out, he calls baby. Well, he can't remember all their names. Half of them you can't even pronounce. Oh, Joan, you know everybody here, don't you? Nearly everybody. Hello, Mary. Hello, Joan. Gee, that's a pretty dress you've got on. Thanks. You really like it? No, but it's Christmas. Mary. Oh, Joan, I don't think you've met Miss Whitney. This is Barbara Whitney, my latest. Well, how do you do, Miss Bennett? How do you do? She's a little young for you, isn't she, Jack? Well, I don't know. Well, that's me. Get them young, treat them wrong, and buy them nothing. You know, Joan, Phil is so witty at times. Hey, Miss Bennett. Miss Bennett. Yes, Kenny? Here I am under the mistletoe. I'll be over in about five years. Very good, Joan. Five years. Gosh, I'll be out of the mood by then. Look what's in the mood. Well, boys and girls, I hope you're all hungry. We're going to have a swell turkey. Don't tell me you went for a turkey. Yes, I did, Phil. We're going to have a marvelous dinner, everything from soup to nuts. How much is it a plate? Oh, just ignore that. Oh, Rochester, how's the turkey coming along? We're getting hungry. Well, it'll take time, boys. That's a pretty tough bird. Tough bird? He's been in the oven over three hours. I know, but every time I light the gas, he blows it out. I'll be darned. Now, you go out in the kitchen and rush that turkey along. Okay. Ma'am, that's the foulest foul I ever saw. I'm sorry, Joan, but you know, Rochester exaggerates so. The dinner is really lovely. Well, to tell the truth, Jack, I'm not hungry. Oh. Well, there's an unusual blonde. Quiet, Mary. Well, folks, let's have some of these hors d'oeuvres here till dinner is ready. Oh, Jack, Rochester made a mistake. What's the matter? There's only seven of us here, and he brought in eight olives. Joan can have two. Gee, it's good to see you again, Joan. Gosh, I haven't seen you since we finished making artisan models abroad. We sure had a lot of fun in that picture, didn't we? Yes, we did, Jack. It's playing around now. Have you seen it? Joan, you promise you won't tell anybody? I promise. I saw it 12 times. 12 times? Yeah. You know your part, Jack? It's a little trouble, didn't I? But say, Joan, no kidding. When I looked up at the screen and I saw you in my arms, it seemed just like a dream. You mean that scene where we were sitting on the park bench in the moonlight eating popcorn? Yeah. He wasn't marvelous. Well, I didn't think there was enough butter on us. I'm talking about us. Oh. You know, Joan, the two of us worked so smoothly together. How would you like to make another picture with me sometime? Well, Jack, I don't know. I couldn't really say right now. Send him a telegram. Everybody else does. Mary. Oh, say, Joan, I almost forgot. Come on out here in the hall a minute. I got a surprise for you. What is it? Oh, come on. Come on with me. You'll find out. Excuse us a minute, will you fellas? Hey, Jack, what's the idea? Never mind. Come on, Joan. Oh, all right. Don't pull me. Oh, I'm sorry. Well, here we are. Where? Right under the mistletoe. You know what that means, don't you? No. What does it mean? Well, it means this. Wow. Wasn't that swell, huh? Now let's go back and Joan act nonchalant, huh? All right. Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way. Dum dum dum da dum dum dum. That's the idea. Hey, Jack, what are we going to eat? All right, pretty soon, fellas, pretty soon. Now look, everybody, before we go into dinner, I want you all to sit around the fireplace and get your presents. Sandy Claus is coming down to Chimney. Sandy Claus. Now sit around the fireplace, everybody. Now put out the lights, Mary. Okay, Jack. Because Sandy Claus will be down here in a minute. Because Sandy Claus will be down here in a minute. Because Sandy Claus. I'm not clowning. Sandy Claus, are you deaf? Deaf nothing. I'm stuck in the chimney. That's it. Come on, fellas. This is the busiest season of all the year and you mothers know it better than anyone else. Well, here's one swell way to save time and trouble and keep your family happy. Get acquainted with the delicious new Jell-O puddings and serve them often. Well, they're quick and easy to prepare and the whole family will enjoy them. Jell-O Butterscotch Pudding, rich with old-fashioned Butterscotch flavor. Jell-O Vanilla Pudding, creamy, delicate and smooth. And Jell-O Chocolate Pudding, rich in chocolatey and tempting. All three can be made in next to no time for they require only just a few minutes cooking. And you get delicious pudding, the real homemade kind that's just mouth-watering good. So for easy, inexpensive, and delicious desserts, try the new Jell-O Puddings. Butterscotch Vanilla Chocolate. Good night, folks, and Merry Christmas. Here's on the Jell-O program for courtesy of Mervin, the Royal Production. This is the National Dog Captain, Captain Allen.