 Why you won't hear from the narcissist for a while. We always talk about the narcissist Hoover. We always talk about how they come back after they discard you. But sometimes months can go by and you don't hear from them. And you may wish that they would come back to you because you invested a lot of your time and energy into them and you don't want to accept that it didn't mean anything. So you're left seeking validation from the narcissist. You're left seeking recognition that your feelings and opinions are valid and worthwhile. You're seeking affirmation that you're worthy of their attention because you're left in a state of shock. You're confused. So you're trying to make sense of it. You don't understand how you couldn't have meant anything. It doesn't make any sense to you but it does make sense because there is something you did that caused this to happen. There is a reason why you don't hear from them which you may not be aware of. The narcissist has been studying you. They know everything they need to know about you. They know you like the back of their hand. They have very detailed knowledge about you. They know what parts of their manipulation has been effective. They know what has produced a desired and intended result. And they know what hasn't worked on you. The more time you spend around them the more you learn about them the more you understand their behaviors. The more you understand their tactics and you may even reveal this to the narcissist. You may tell them what you think about it. You may stand up for what you believe is wrong. You may start speaking about the messed up things that they are doing the things that make them look bad. You start speaking about this more. You start showing them that you're against it. So they know you're intelligent enough to know what's going on. They know you've figured them out and the most effective way for them to act in opposition to that is to withdraw all communication with you to end their personal relationship with you suddenly and without explanation until they see an opportunity for them to return. After some time has passed and sometimes when you don't hear from the narcissist they may have found someone else even though you may have done a lot of things that they liked it didn't matter because they couldn't manipulate you they couldn't gain your approval they couldn't persuade you to support them this new person they have may not be doing even a fraction of what you were doing for them and they may secretly desire to come back to you but they know you've figured them out which puts them at risk of rejection it puts them at risk of being humiliated by you it puts the power in your hands and it gives you the opportunity to crush them if you choose to and they don't want to put themselves in that position they don't want to go through that they have too much pride they have too much ego but the reason why you don't hear from the narcissist is because you were no longer responsive to their games you were no longer susceptible to their manipulation you refused to lose your advantage in the face of opposition you stood your ground you stood up to them instead of reacting to what they were doing until they realized that they no longer had control over you which is all the narcissist really cares about if they cannot control you you have no use to them they're not going to stick around they're not going to come back because they can't derive benefit from you they can't take advantage of you and maybe you have other people who align with you and support you you have other people who are on your side and the narcissist isn't going to put up a fight they're not going to put themselves through struggle to gain or secure you so instead they will leave you waiting for their decision to answer they will remain undecided and unsuiting they will keep you in suspense in the hopes that it will leave you desperate because they know you're seeking a sense of resolution they know what they're worth holding information from you and if you react strongly to them they're going to know that the jig is up they're going to know that the schema deception has been revealed and they're going to be far less likely to return to someone who has figured them out it would be a waste of time because they don't want to be around someone who isn't going to validate the illusions of their false self if you figure them out they're not going to be able to manipulate you they're not going to be able to play any games with you it would be a waste of time why would they come back to you? why would they hoover you? there's nothing for them to gain there's nothing more they can get from you so why would they come back? they'd have a better shot at getting what they want from a new and unsuspecting person someone who doesn't feel any suspicion someone who isn't aware of any danger or threat even if you're a good person even if you're physically attractive and you have money even if you have empathy none of that matters to a narcissist if you figure them out because then they're not going to get what they want it doesn't matter who you are once you figure them out you're all the same you're no different to anyone else a narcissist hate people who care about them they hate people who love them the more you love and care about them the more they hate you which is how they can treat complete strangers better than you they can give them more respect than they give to you because there's no one they hate more than the person who loves and cares for them they bite the hand that feeds them they behave badly and in an ungrateful way towards the person who they depend on because although you may be doing all of these things for them they don't appreciate it because once they start devaluing you they've already lined up someone else once they know that you're starting to figure them out once you're no longer satisfying their excessive need for attention and admiration it's time for them to get out of there but if you're still full of uncertainty and you're reaching out to them they can see that you're still in a state of confusion they can see that you haven't fully figured them out so in those situations they may come back to you if they think you're a fool if they think they're still able to deceive you but when you go no contact and you're not reaching out to them you're not checking on them and a few months have gone by they know it's all over they know you're not coming back because you're not even making any attempt to come back to them some narcissist will return even a few months after no interaction with you but it's only because they're desperate they're experiencing a bad situation they don't have much money so they're looking for someone to rescue them from difficulty and they come back in the hopes that you have forgotten about how they treated you in the hopes that they can make you have the feelings that you had for them in the past but it's only because they're in a bad situation they need something from you they're not going to make up for their wrongdoings they're not going to try to make things better they're just seeking your help and assistance they're using you so if the narcissist comes back to you it's only because they still think you're a fool they still think you're not smart but if they don't come back to you it means that you've figured them out and they realize that you're not so stupid after all