 Sucks is kind of overrated y'all. I'm just saying sucks is like cooperative fitness. You know, it's a great workout It's good cardio. I don't need it. I Fell in love quickly I Fell in love quickly my voice is starting to look behind two one go Yeah What's going through your mind a lot of stuff Like you know if I was like six feet tall I kind of lay on my side right here and like take this whole row but like every time I'd hear the ad phrase of You know, I still haven't been able to say it throughout my entire life Even when like my family say it to me or my friends would say it to me or when my partner would say it to me I think despite all the training I've done of watching movies I still don't register or follow with like what love means You know, it's it's not it's like when I was looking into Lexifamia I was looking at a lot of like the basic emotions that we we look at like happiness and sadness and fear and anger Those things are a little bit easier to understand because there is actually like neurochemical things that are going on Love is a bit a bit different It's it's a little bit more nuanced and hard to characterize because there is actually a hormone that's involved in it called oxytocin but You know, um The idea of love for people. It's very much like a social construct thing. I think even like the concept of Love and romance in general is is quite a recent like creation in terms of humanity So I can understand why it's confusing for for him Ah, here we go Lay down right here. Actually this floor is dirty, um You were talking about Not experiencing what love is supposed to be and I feel like I caught you in a mental trap that I spent like Years in the thing with media and music and like movies Is that we're told like this is what neurotypicals experience and this is the peak of existence And there's no supposed to whatever you feel and brings you joy is Your path and that's one of the things that makes our love so unique actually that that's I I kind of feel like because I think what I've Talked to Ray earlier about I'm more of a shower than a teller Like these words of affirmations like saying things like I miss you It's things that I'm not very strong at talking about and more in my actions. I can Show things that I care about you you know like Also, I don't know if you guys have the same experience but Like definitely for me Like learning about romance and love and relationships from movies Like I used to learn a lot of things like tried to learn social skills and stuff from watching movies Um, it never it actually was probably a bit more harmful than than helpful than anything Like I found it really like to be not helpful at all Like learning learning these things from movies It's very much like a glamorized approach to what life is like in love I'll bring you food Or I will I will hug you harder and I'm like I got you girl I feel like I definitely need to get this guy out of the box strong feelings for him quickly you um Did things that were very difficult to ignore like write me love poems and share them on stage Just how I did it I'm not on strongly agree because We're still figuring out what these feelings mean. So I'm hesitant to fully Be vulnerable. Thank you Yeah, hesitant to fully be vulnerable and it's not a bad thing. Yeah, I mean I saw you kind of agreeing Yes, uh, I think being on a spectrum sometimes we just Love bomb. I was like write him letters. I was like probably way too much at the beginning like Obsessiveness I was just like, yeah, her eyes immediately Around a month into a stating we were just like talking it in and out and I um I fell asleep and he just like let me like sleep with like my head in his lap and I was like I want to be with him forever, but I just kept that to myself because no one says that a month in My partner wants more physical intimacy than me Three two one Okay, we've got a huge Well, it's not that I don't Like physical intimacy, but I know clearly ray definitely likes it more than I do Yeah, I I did lack a lot of physical intimacy Since in my childhood I learned Physical affection more through fists than hugs. What did caught me more was that there was a certain way that ray hugged Me differently than the way that I naturally got hugs You're supposed to like keep like a strong like tight hug for like 20 seconds for optimum release of oxytocin Like this feels really warm and nice Um I don't like getting naked. I feel like Sex is kind of overrated y'all. I'm just saying sex is like cooperative fitness You know, it's a great workout. It's pretty gorgeous. Like it ain't a bad thing It's a pretty great thing I don't need it Yeah, so that's that's a a balance that's hard that's hard to maintain sometimes um I've definitely had to tone back my Desire for for physical Interactions, I get a lot of those needs met through Handholding and hugging. So I'm like basically always Hugging chai It's funny like when I first asked ray May I place my hand into your hand or can I run my face into your face? Because I didn't know Like how to because consent is important. You know like You know, gotta gotta get that consent. I need the verbal cues to be like am I may have your permission to do Get like the forms out. You can take sign sign here here and here Are these are these okay? Do I have direct direct like communication around this oh, man You don't you don't really get that when you when you're dating neurotypicals. I'll tell you that I'm about to do to you So that's kind of what needed a lot If she says I'm feeling I'm like I got you and she says I'm not feeling it. I'm gonna turn off It seems That there's a lot of commonalities here. I've literally heard her say some of the same words. You just said it She's like, you know, okay, give me your hand. I'm gonna put my hand in your hand now And I'm like, you don't gotta ask for that And she's like, okay. I'm gonna hug you. I'm my babe. You might like you like my whole wife It's a awkward thing for me with when it comes to Physical because I still to this day I ask for consent a lot of times because this doesn't come naturally I don't know. I'm like in the middle. I don't think that's that's bad like if you're someone who struggles with like constant like physical connection with somebody like it makes sense to like I def like I definitely do like I couldn't like hug someone for like extended periods of time or like I need my space, you know like physical space but you know whenever I would Want something like it's always good to ask like Or like invite somebody I think because you never know what Like people's social batteries alike and whether they they're over stimulated You know communication is really good and it seems like as well as Like having commonalities that they they all tend to be very like communicative or like insightful about their experiences Which is really cool Well, because sometimes I'm overstimulated. So he might try to give me affection and I might be like, ah You know right now is not a good time. Um, I my youngest is the the same way we get overstimulated really easily So she's like, don't touch me. Don't hug me. You know, but sometimes I need a lot of affection Sometimes like this come on like, you know comfort me. I need comforting and other times I'm like, uh, you know, this is too much I don't Need that right now Like I mean I experienced a lot of overstimulation That basically makes me more inclined to like set my skin on fire than this to to want to Like be like in a like a romantic like touching situations sometimes I I struggle with the question I guess because it's not me. That's just like how my body reacts to my environment It's not something like I identify with it's just if anything it's just a cause for for annoyance Which is something I think one of the one of the issues about like particularly like long like cuddling for like long periods of time She looks really upset Is like It's it I don't know. I feel like definitely like during the evenings Like I want to be like time to kind of relax and chill and I feel like although it is pleasant to have You know physical connection with somebody it can be quite overwhelming or like stimulating I guess just in general so I think having At least at least like being able to have like a little bit of a time on your own Just like fidget and just like release all that energy that you have at the end of the day It's useful for me But it's very it's very dictated on like what my mental health is like if I'm going for a burnout like no chance The thing that I that I try not to do because that really just makes it worse But um generally I consider myself in like spirit and personality like I love affection. I love physical intimacy. It's it's really good And it helps my heart like Heal in many many ways I was nervous to join this relationship three two one So are they nervous I wasn't necessarily looking for a relationship And um, I was not aware that Chai was on the spectrum Until we started dating I I just thought he was awkward I mean that's still true Which is still true For me, I immediately knew that the relationship was going to be more difficult than I thought it was going to be But it wasn't a oh a make or break deal This was also my first relationship And you know Ray gave me something that not a lot of socially awkward introverted Guys with level self-esteem is that um was you know attention and affirmation, you know kind of direct affirmation I don't know. I don't know about you guys, but I feel like I kind of definitely like need some like level of like direct affirmation with with anything like I'm not just speaking about romantic things I mean like friendships You know talks with strangers, you know if people can give like some direct feedback On things or like just say like you mean a lot to me or that kind of thing. It kind of sounds a bit needy which Um is weird because I'm definitely not like needy in that way but I think it's just because I don't like assume things like within relationships Any any relationship P.m. Feria, how are you doing? Nice to see you AA batteries for people with low self-esteem All right, I forgot what the problem does oh nervous. Yeah. Oh, yeah also nervous Just like how I'm doing it right now. Um, it's it's hard because it's a brand new experience He's got like some some godly like introverted energy like like charisma Interesting for me. I didn't know what I was doing. I'm just Let's go and see what happened I love to hear from on this side. We have some disagrees Well, I'm dyslexic. So I read that the sign's wrong. Oh, no, I'm on the wrong side I was gonna say I somewhat agree at the time when I Met terry I was in the military and I didn't know I was on the spectrum But I knew there was something going on So I was somewhat nervous because I was Afraid that he was gonna think I'm a little weird or different because I already knew that I am very different than the You know neurotypical person the craziest thing was we discovered her autism after we discovered our children's Because it was just like Wait a minute You did that and and you do that and you talk like that and you you know, it was like Oh, wow like and we just started to educate educate educate So I strongly disagree and and some of the you know, if we want to describe it as quirkiness That's what made me fall in love with her. So I was very rigid stern strong cold She was very You know What are you talking about let go, you know and eventually I was able to just let go So I think I definitely gained from being I think autistic traits are definitely very attractive for me Like I don't know whether it's it's just because of the fact that I'm kind of online quite a lot and I You know talk to lots of people who are autistic or not, but definitely like It's cute in a relationship where So I strongly agreed because there was something so Genuine about connor. It didn't even like Registered to me at first that he was autistic too the day. He told me he loved me I told my best friend and she was like well like what does he want? I was like, I don't know But since then It's been incredible and he's created such a safe environment for me And it's it's the best relationship and I love him very much. So I remember when we first met we were at a park with a bunch of people we barely knew and you're both stressed about that Like the first time I even caught her eye We gave each other like a stressed outside glance from being in a social situation and like yeah Yeah, because I tend to I've always gravitated towards people who are not like who are not neurotypical And you know like she's she's not normal, but it's okay It's okay nothing wrong with that We had talked a lot about like wanting to find people like How we'd wanted to find someone that we could like open up to Um in the face of trauma that we've both experienced and it was at that point I was like, okay, like the nervousness Will have to come to an end and I think this is the person that I want to like retrain my brain into like doing that with Yeah, that's that's another really big factor. I think the you know Just the start looking at like the stats on autism and negative life experiences like it makes sense like we're probably gonna have like more than more than not very likely to have some kind of baggage with us in terms of like traumatic experiences or just general like distasteful experiences with neurotypicals Uh Pedro says anything for me would be nice generally. I guess that's what I'm a negative person. What do you mean? Okay, we've got some more some more adverts brilliant Well, um, I think this is actually really interesting. I'm very pleasantly surprised about This video very much like it Not not really sure what I was expecting to be honest Kids on the spectrum I want kids on the spectrum Yeah Yeah, I don't like this. I would like design a baby. I would I would make changes I'm also an engineer and and there are things that like in my life I would love to have an autistic kid I would not like to have a kid who has mental health issues. I wouldn't want to like pass on my mental issues on mental health issues to them But yeah, definitely like having autistic kids like you'd be able to connect with that child like So much and and just be able to like understand what they need and what what stresses are occurring for them In regards of affirmation. Yeah I mean, it's it's sometimes it is it is hard. Definitely I don't feel attached to and if I could I would change just from like a genetics point of view So um I don't see That there's any fault in being on the spectrum Because this disability is just that society sees as our inability to communicate or talk to people that portray Our intelligence not by our minds but by the way we speak Why wouldn't you want like To love your kids, whether they're on the spectrum or any spectrum any sexuality any race gender or however I So it's mostly my strongly disagree comes from what the way the world is kind of seeming like going now for our future generations So that's more like uh darn kids I mean, uh probably not really We have children on the spectrum and uh man Being with iU me and having kids to discover that Has literally changed my life. It's changed my patience. It's changed my observations of self. It's changed All of the trauma that I grew up with, you know, like although it is definitely a learn as you go experience And I definitely don't have you know a closet full of all wins You know, I definitely am grateful for that opportunity They are amazing like literally the most talented little girls ever I I do feel, you know sad because they do have challenges with Making friends and not being able to like that's not an issue with them That's that's an issue with the society that we have at the moment We don't have enough autism education within schools like some of the the most like brilliant outcomes that I've seen in terms of like Making sure that autistic people have can be socialized is is when you actually talk to them Narrative people kids and you like explain it explain it to them Like explain how they're different what's different about them You know what what might happen with them sometimes Intensely meltdown sensory overload But also like I feel Like a lot of kids they they want to include people. They just have that natural Desire to I'm talking but by my experience within sort of special needs teaching Um But yeah, it's it's definitely like a peer-supported awareness is is massive Absolutely massive But we don't have it. It's not it's not mandatory within schools sadly as Be the neurotypical kid and being able to understand directions right away So I I do have to think like do I want another child to you know have to go through that So I I say somewhat the things that we have to go for there's a lot of challenges that I had to go through that My kids are going through so but amazing people little humans I have felt difficult to love three two one It's gonna be average. I knew it I knew it. Oh my god Oh no Okay, I'm gonna make sure I the question's correct because I don't know. I just feel like there's a lot of things I I have going on like low self-esteem extremely um overstimulated and um Do you want to be on the strongman district? Yeah, I think I think you have to be on the side Wait, so you're saying you you're there you feel hard to like you're easy to love if you're on that side. Oh no Oh Like there's gonna be so many like there's gotta be like so much self-esteem issues with autistic people. No, not like just Because we exist as autistic people but like experiences that we have Oh my god Relatable Can we start all over The figures they were all lovely like just seeing them like how how can they be hard to love like it's crazy I mean, I'm saying that with you know I would probably put myself somewhere similar to them, but you know like They all seem really great Okay, we tell I teleported on this side I'll start for the top. Okay. So yes, I do feel like I'm very um difficult to love It's hard to be vulnerable And uh being on the spectrum on top of that. It's just hard for me to All amazing people totally Uh to be fair, I'd get the comprehension of these questions and stuff as well Yeah, me too be like taking a moment to everyone like takes a moment to like process like, hmm Where am I gonna go? If you communicate or am I overreact, you know, it just I feel like more than the typical person. I have a lot more things going on. So I'm just like, why would somebody love me when I have All these things I can't even follow simple directions or I can't even communicate something. So I just feel like I have lots of obstacles First I'm going to say that it's not to this room should be a living example Of our belief that we're difficult to love is not real because everyone probably thinks that way to some degree And she's easy to love. She's a great mom and I could sit up here and talk for hours about Why I do love her and how easy it is But I also understand she does have the challenges that she mentioned But so do I I also agree that I'm difficult to love even though I would hope that she disagrees But um, you know If you choose to love me, you know loving me for my strengths and help me through my weak weaknesses. So That's how I see it reach So it's funny for me like holding Connor santa being like I feel hard to love But autism itself is not the reason for that for me. It's other disorders that like because I experience a lot of Disregulated emotion like unpredictable waves of rage and paranoia and just Things that I think would be stressful for a person to deal with being with me but Connor has been very patient and I want to make him as happy as I possibly can even in the midst of my challenges Yeah the paranoia is real though like I think it's because You know growing up we kind of have to interpret all of these things that people are telling us and like it's not always It's not easy like and you kind of Just naturally like question what's going on around you, especially when you're like younger So imagine why I know kind of Growing up and now I'm having those feelings. It definitely like Blends into adulthood. I mean I formative they call our formative years for a reason Like they're very much impact like the way that we we grow up and relate to people Paranoia I think I come from insecurities about fitting in Yeah, I suppose that could be another another place. Definitely It's sad though, isn't it because they are just all really lovely and You know, it's one I kind of like shake him and be like hey Come on You guys are awesome For me finding her hard to love isn't something that I think about It's not something that I experience I find her easy to love because I love her a lot but in my personal experience like the way my brain seems to work is that like If my brain's in the mood to perceive myself is like not likable or unlovable It immediately summons the ghost of everyone in my life that I've ever thought displayed that kind of reaction to anything that I may or may not have done And so like I've had much more experience in that realm than I have in the self Like self love like oh, I'm great. Like I'm doing good It's been an effort for me to try to I retrain my brain to do less of that for less amount of like the time that I'm alive and awake Damn, love it. Love is pretty darn hard. Like yeah, I don't see how anyone could have figured this thing out So when people feel Alone when they're not alone Like you see how lonely that side is and how unloaning this side is to feeling like that we are alone Like how could this be? We're all sitting on the same line. We can't fit on the same line Like y'all would have been right here, but like there's just it's just not enough room for people to be alone Yeah, I really want to be in this line But I'm in this line because even though I've I've expressed feeling Not safe or feeling lonely or feeling like I don't know who to turn to or who will accept me I know that these feelings are transitions Um, and there's something that I need to find for myself within them. I'm trying to get over there It's hard work Yes And uh Especially when you different Really great both the chai for helping me get to that direction Well guys, this was an amazing conversation. This is a wrap You are all set Thank you guys so much It's all really good. What what's a wrap? Just take it it's super literally Huh look at that Yeah, this is nice one This is good. I like that