 Welcome back. So we were looking at overcoming challenges. We're going to spend some time looking at some. What does the Bible say about certain life's challenges? We look at a couple of instances, one on what if the spouse is not a believer? We look at divorce, we look at remarriage and we will look at how do we deal with it when there is a death of a spouse. So these are practical instructions that we can look at because there may be situations and time people ask you, what do you do in different situations? So let's look at the first one where the spouse that you've married is an unbeliever. Now, there are many times that sometimes people do get married and then become believers or one of the spouses become a believer or there are unbelievers who get married and through the course of marriage one becomes a believer. So what do you do? There are challenges that happen just because of faith that comes about. So what do you do? Do you continue to live with one another? So let's look at what scripture talks about. So someone can read 1 Corinthians 7 verses 12 to 16. So the others I say, if a Christian man has a wife who is an unbeliever and she agrees to go on living with him, he must not divorce her. And if a Christian woman is married to a man who is an unbeliever and he agrees to go on living with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made acceptable to God by being united to his wife and the unbelieving wife is made acceptable to God by being united to her Christian husband. If this were not so, their children would be like pagan children, but as it is, they are acceptable to God. However, if the one who is not a believer wishes to leave the Christian partner, let it be so. In such cases, the Christian partner with the husband or wife is free to act. God has called you to live in peace. How can you be sure, Christian wife, that you will not save your husband? Or how can you be sure, Christian husband, that you will not save your wife? Okay. So what does this passage tell us? What do we do in these situations? So it's like if you're already married and then it's like when you, only when you come to know, okay, you're already married, maybe you're a believer and your spouse may not be a believer. And then you come to know that it's not right to get married to an unbeliever, but you're already married. So if that person is still wanting to live with you, stay with you, continue to move on with your life. Okay. All right. So an instruction to all the young people here is what? To marry a believer. Okay. Because that in itself can cause a lot of challenges. So the Lord gives us the wisdom to be yoked with only a believer. All right. And so what does this passage say in case you are married to someone who is an unbeliever and you become, you believe, do not separate, it says, right. And if a Christian woman was 13 is married to a man who is an unbeliever and he agrees to go on living with her, she must not divorce him and the previous also he must not divorce her. So you do not divorce, you do not separate if you are in a marriage where you've married an unbelieving spouse and you have become a believer. And what should this unbelieving spouse do to walk in love and to walk in submission to the spouse as to the Lord. Provided there isn't anything that makes you violate your faith. Right. So you continue to do that knowing that or trusting that God is the one who will change your unbelieving spouse. The second is it says in verse 14 being if this one not so their children would be like pagan children but as it is they are acceptable to God. So because of you being a believer in that union, the blessing goes to your spouse as well as your children. Even though your spouse is not in the Lord, they are sanctified, they're blessed because of your faith in God. And lastly, if at any point of time the spouse wants to leave you, let them leave. Let them leave. They are free then to dissolve the marriage. Okay. Right. We have a question, Francis. It's like one counseling section is happening regarding marriage and family. So one boy asked like this question to making fun of that pastor who is taking the section. So he said like this if I'm getting married with an unbeliever wife, I'm converting her to a Christian. So what is wrong in that there is no problem in that I'm doing right only everybody can do that. So it's like a kind of Islam is saying Jihad kind of that. What is wrong in marrying an unbeliever because I'm converting her to a Christian? He's saying like that. So how we can answer like is it a good way or wrong way? So now I think it really matters. And I've seen many cases like this where a believing person has actually married an unbeliever because they have felt that they've been led by the Lord. Okay. And in future that unbelieving spouse has become a believer that has happened. Okay. But that's not a generalization. That's something you can't say because it happened to Mr. A and Miss B. It's going to happen to me. Okay. It's a very specific instruction that was given to them. But as a general rule, God's given us the instruction to not be yoked to a unbeliever until and unless they are personally being led by God to do that. And that's something that you do with absolute discernment and wisdom. Right. Because we have to really question ourselves to see whether that's come from our own selfish desire to marry someone we love and who's not a believer. Or is that something that's genuine that God has genuinely brought this two together. Okay. So if we are approaching it from a from an understanding that I'm doing somebody a favor by them becoming a believer, I think that's coming out of pride and that's coming out of dissension. It's not coming out from a from a heart of submission to God. Yeah. Okay. All right. Any other question? So you mean a believer who's married an unbeliever sometimes loses faith. Yeah, exactly. And that's what we were talking about, right? That there are in fact, you know, you must at some point of time, if ever you get a chance to talk to someone who's married an unbelieving spouse, the difficulties they go through are significant. You know, just for the fact that they don't see eye to eye, faith is not being exercised. A lot of that the challenges that they go through, you know, it's it's sad. It's really sad. Yeah. Small suggestion. I want like I thought of talking today or tomorrow with one of our church member. So she is a believer and she actually fell in love with the person who is unbeliever and she is about to get married. I mean, it's not a decided, but she want to get married and she they told to their parents also. Is there any suggestions that you can give me like how to what points can it bring? So, so one of the things I think it's important number one for us to understand is that it's always helpful to have them. Ask her or ask him whoever you're talking to say, what do you think are the advantages? What do you think are the disadvantages being a believer? Right. Often people don't think on their own as to what can be issues. It's usually when we're telling someone, if I'm supposed to, if I were to tell you and then don't do this, don't do this, don't do this, don't do this. It's not as effective as you saying, you know, okay, these are things that I know is going to happen. These are things I know that will not happen. You will follow a lot more when you have understood and decided it for yourself. So more than telling this person, maybe one thing you can do is read this passage and say, what do you see from this? What do you think can happen or what is the instruction that God gives them? Why do you think he's giving you that instruction? What do you think is the good things of it? What do you think is the negative of it? Help them to think and come up with an answer. Okay. Encourage them to talk to somebody, to talk to a couple who has, one is an unbeliever, one is a believer. Because recently when, not recently, maybe one or two years back when someone like this came to me, I got them to talk to two people. Nevertheless, she didn't change her mind. She continued to marry an unbeliever. But I think it's, it's important for us to give them the opportunity to have conversations with those who are actually living this, right? And then the choice they make is theirs. But what we've done is helping them see something that's needed and be from their own perspective. And also, once they have made that decision, you know, love them still, don't be upset that they didn't take your word or any of it. But it is important that they themselves know what is the good, what is the bad that can happen. It will help them to think. Sorry. And the long-term implications of it. That's what you want them to know. Like how, what's going to happen to the children, right? Or bring scenarios, like in case, you know, your spouse or the family wants you to follow a certain ritual, right? In your house, what would that look like? Or they would like, maybe for example, place an idol in the home. What would that look like? What if they insist that the children should be born, should be groomed in the faith of the other spouse? What does that look like? Right? So put these situations to them and help them to practically think about what's going to happen. Right? So you can only be an interviewer and an influencer through questions. Okay? Right? You had a question, please? Similar to what Anand had. If a believer is in a relationship with an unbeliever. And like if it's starting, it's okay to tell them. But they didn't know initially, but like, they got to know, like the believer got to know that he should not be equally up with unbelievers. Like the thing is like, by the time he realized and he wanted to come, but what if the relation went deep? And now this believer, he actually don't want telling that person like, I don't want to marry you or else like, I will only marry you if he wants to accept Jesus. But that person is not willing to accept Jesus. And that person is in a stage where if you leave me, I will die. And this person don't want to marry who did not accept Christ. So what is the scenario? Like what we can do there? Okay. So the very fact, if now this is even in a normal relationship, if someone is going to come in and say, if you don't marry me, I will die. I see that as a right flag. That definitely shows that there is some immaturity in the way that they deal with a conflict or a stressful situation, right? That it becomes like you have threatened the person to be in the relationship, right? That if you don't marry me, I'll die. So then you have to marry because if not, she will die. Right? So that in itself is an emotional threat. It's a blackmail, right? There itself, I have a question that there is immaturity in that person that you are considering. Okay. Second is, you know, God gives us the freedom to not just gives us the freedom but also has given us all that we need to break away from something that he shows us as unhealthy, right? That even though you may have gone through the engagement, all of that would have happened. You look and see what is the cost that it has to you, the cost of obeying God or the cost of standing on your word, right? What would it be for a believer? It should be obeying what God's word says, right? So, and that you are giving up a relationship because of your obedience to God more than what your word matters, right? It's an obedience to what God wants, right? So, so those two things that if they are choosing to kill themselves, you can be sure that as you go on in life, they're going to keep threatening you for different things by using this one thing. If you don't do this, I'll go kill, I'll go die or I'll jump off, right? That in itself should be one of the biggest reasons why you cut off that relationship. And I think for you as young people, I really want to bring that about is that don't stay in a relationship. This is before marriage I'm talking about. Don't stay in a relationship for because of guilt. Like you said, a relationship probably has gone so deep, so much so they may have been physical intimacy before marriage, right? Because of that guilt that you have been physically intimate and you're not able to get out of that, that should not be a reason why you're sticking into that marriage. Repent, confess, and if you need to get out, get out of it. Because that's God showing you something, right? You may have violated God's desire for marriage. Nevertheless, you have repentance, you can confess, you can come out clean by doing so. So never stay in a relationship because of guilt and a threat. From your answer, you have to like, if God like, we have to stand to obey God more than our word. And if a God is telling us to cut off some relationships, we have to cut off. But also are we not supposed to look about what other people will go through? If I'm not thinking how it affects and I just see for myself and I just come out of it, is it not like being selfish, not thinking about other person? Yeah, so that's what I said. You have to see what is it that weighs important. Is it obedience to God or pleasing the other person? Correct, I agree. And that's why, you know, that's what we call as preventive. Preventive is what, even before the problem occurs, you've got to ensure that you don't get into the problem or you do things that you don't get into a problem. So which means, prevention means you shouldn't have gotten into a physical intimacy with the person, right? You should have waited before you have committed to the person. Now these are all preventive measures. If you don't take care of that, then what happens is the problem has come. Now you have to cure the problem, which means there's a whole lot more of trouble, right? So using the wisdom to end it off well, right? End it well. And I don't foresee that ending will happen very easily, especially when there's a person like that, but nevertheless attempting to do that. Okay, it's better to not be in a toxic, it's better to not be in a relationship than to be in a toxic relationship. Okay, someone who manipulates you and causes you, you know, you're almost bound and tied to what they feel, they think they do. Okay, alright. Okay, we look at the next one is divorce and remarriage. So let's look at what does God instruct about divorce and remarriage to a couple of verses here, we'll read all of them. Malakai chapter 2 verses 14 to 16, Matthew 5, Matthew 19 and 1 Corinthians 7. So maybe some of you can take turns to read this Malakai 2 14 to 16 Malakai chapter 2 reading from verse 14 to 16. You ask why he no longer accept them. It is because he knows you have broken your promise to the wife you married when you were a new. She was your partner and you have broken your promise to her. Although you promised before God that you should be faithful to her. Didn't God made you one body and one spirit with her? What was his purpose? What was his purpose in this? It was that you should have children who are truly God's people. So make sure that none of you break his promise to his wife. I hate divorce. She is the Lord God of Israel. I hate it when one of you does such a cruel thing to his wife. Make sure that you do not break your promise to be faithful to your wife. Okay, we'll just look at that and then we'll move on to the next. So what do you learn from this? God hates divorce. So it is important to be faithful to your spouse. It says it's a cruel thing that you do to your wife. So God does not like divorce. It is better to be in a place of faithfulness. Alright, let's read the next one. Matthew 5, 31 to 32 and Matthew 19, 3 to 9. It was also said anyone who divorces his wife must give her a written notice of divorce. But now I tell you, if a man divorces his wife for any cause other than her unfaithfulness, then he is guilty of making her commit adultery if she marries again. And the man who marries her commits adultery also. Read the next one, 19, 3 to 9. Some Pharisees came to him and tried to trap him by asking, Does our law allow a man to divorce his wife for whatever reason he wishes? Jesus answered. Haven't you read the scripture that says that in the beginning the creator made people make male and female? And God said, for this reason a man will leave his father and mother and unite with his wife. And the two will become one. So they are no longer two but one. No human being must separate than what God has joined together. The Pharisees asked him, why then did Moses give the law for a man to hand his wife a divorce notice and send her away? Jesus answered, Moses gave you permission to divorce your wives because you are so hard to teach. But it was not like that all the time of creation. I tell you then that any man who divorces his wife other than her unfaithfulness commits adultery if he marries some other women. So what is one of the reasons that is given here that unfaithfulness is one reason that a divorce is permissible? Nevertheless, even in such situations what would you encourage couples to do? Is to reconcile, to make peace, to restore, to heal, to move forward. So as ministers, yes it is something that they can do. But nevertheless you encourage them to come to a place of healing. To come to a place of working through those emotions that they may have gone through. We spoke about that last time, about adultery and how it is important for them to cut off, amputate that relationship. So it's important to do that. Even though it is permissible, encouraging couples to reconcile, come to a place of healing and wholeness through that. Sometimes there is one of the partners who may decide to divorce. We know that that may not be the best but that's something that they can opt for. For whatever reason that they choose to do that, that's something that they can opt for. Let's look at 1 Corinthians 7, there are two verses there someone can read. 7, 10, 11 and 7, 15. 1 Corinthians 7, 10 and 11. For married people I have a command which is not my own but the Lord's. A wife must not leave her husband but if she does she must remain single or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife. 1 Corinthians 7 verse 15, however if the one who is not a believer wishes to leave the Christian partner, let it be so. In such cases the Christian partner with a husband or wife is free to act, God has called you to live in peace. So in this the next valid reason is someone who abandons. If the husband or the wife abandons the family, there again is another reason that is applicable for divorce. Now what should we do? Or how do we consider someone who's gone through a divorce? So as a believer when someone is going through a divorce we understand that it's a decision that brings about a lot of pain and a lot of anxiety, a lot of stigma, even social stigma. So as believers we are also called to deal with them in love, to accept and to deal with them, to continue to encourage them. Being gracious, being gentle, being supportive, including them and we continue to pray that God's mercy would be over their lives. And in case at some point of time do they decide to remarry, we bless them in that if they decide to do so. So when we're looking at divorce again, the overall arching understanding and knowing is that God hates divorce. However, scripture talks of two probable permissible reasons. Nevertheless we encourage them to reconcile, restore a relationship. But if there is a choice to divorce, then we encourage, we support, we are gracious. I think that was a question. Okay, Prabhu you've asked, when you said do not continue the relationship for guilt's sake, is that applicable with both the believer and non-believer? Now this question is basically done before marriage, okay, not after marriage. So yes, if it is whether it's a believer or an unbeliever, you should be in the relationship for good reasons. If you remember in chapter one, no chapter two that we did, we spoke about signs of immaturity, right, are as red flags in the marriage, in carrying on with the marriage, right? So if you do, if you're in a relationship because of guilt, that's not a good enough reason for marriage, right? So I'm talking about prior to marriage, I'm not talking about after marriage, right? That, you know, you've married someone and then you feel guilty about marrying this person because of right. I don't mean that, I'm talking about prior to marriage. When you are in the relationship and you want to marry because you feel you have violated them, the person, you violated God. Yes, so this is applicable for believers or unbelievers. Prabhu, did that answer your question? Okay, we'll move forward. Okay, all right. The next one is the death of a spouse. What does God's word bring about in times the death of a spouse? So a couple of verses over here is we see that it is the Lord who defends a widow or a widower. Psalm 68.5, he's a defender of widows. Psalm 149 verse 6, he relieves the fatherless and the widow. And Proverbs 15.25, he establishes the boundary of the widow. So all of this that you see is the Lord is the one who brings about comfort, who brings about strength and who defends them and works for them on their behalf. Okay, so the Lord is the one who works with them. There is a responsibility that family or a local church has towards the care of the widows. And that's what you read in 1 Timothy 5 verses 3 to 16. Verse 3 says, take care of widows who are destitute. If a widow has family members, let them take care of them because that pleases God immensely. Also, the widow is not supposed to exploit other people by saying that I don't have anything not supposed to exploit. It's for them to be able to live responsibly. Okay, and there is an entire lot of instruction that is given there. Okay, in case there's a death of a spouse. What about remarriage? Let's just look at 2 verses there, Romans 7, 2 to 3 and 1 Corinthians 7, 8 and 9. Romans 7 verse 2 and 3, for instance, a wife is legally tied to her husband while he lives. But if he dies, she is free. If she leaves with another man while her husband is living, she is obviously an adulterous. But if he dies, she is quite free to marry another man in good conscience with no one disapproval. 1 Corinthians 7 verse 8 and 9. Now to the unmarried and to the widows. I say that it would be better for you to continue to live alone as I do. But if you cannot restrain your desires, go ahead and marry. It is better to marry than to burn with passion. 1 Corinthians 7 verse 39. A wife must stay with her husband as long as he lives. If he dies, she is free to marry anyone she chooses. She will of course, she will all want to marry a believer and have blessings of the master. Okay, so for, okay, Chirad says, is it okay to be in a relationship before marriage? Okay. So Chirad, okay, your friends are asking what kind of a relationship Chirad? Okay, so the Bible doesn't really, and I think what you're talking about is probably being in a relationship, a dating relationship, right? Now the Bible doesn't specifically talk about relationships before marriage, dating relationship before marriage. A lot of this dating culture has come, I think in the 1950s or so, right? And it varies from culture to culture. There are some cultures who actively encourage it, some cultures that don't encourage a relationship before marriage. We look in our own country in itself, you see varied expectations of that. Maybe in the urban setting, it's more acceptable, but in a rural setting, it isn't as much, right? So you will find different understanding of it. Now, I think there are certain guidelines, and this can be, these guidelines are something that I think we take from scripture. But nevertheless, it's a personal decision and a choice that one would make. So knowing that maturity in people comes after a point of time. So young children getting into relationships as adolescents, like 15, 16, 14, is not a very advisable thing, because you're still growing, you're still developing in maturity, you're still understanding about the world. You have things and purposes God has for you as a 14 or a 15-year-old or even as an 18-year-old, right? So that's a guideline. The second thing is when you are dating someone, what is the reason for dating? Your reason for dating should have the perspective of marriage in mind, right? And not for fun, not for time pass, not because all my classmates have a relationship, right? It's to look in for marriage, right? Now, dating again should be done or should be followed wisely when you've actually got to know the person. And you don't have to date to know a person. You can just be among many people to know the person. And then if you find an interest, you can express it at a time when you are mature. And what would I say about maturity? I think is when you are financially on your own feet, you're not dependent on others. When you have prepared yourself adequately, so look back at that second chapter where we said seven areas of preparation. When you've prepared yourself adequately professionally, spiritually, financially, physically, even to groom a home, all of that is what shows maturity, right? The other guidelines is keeping sexual purity, even as you're dating. So there are these guidelines which are placed so that you're not in a place of, you know, not in a place of violating your emotional spiritual space. Neither are you violating somebody else's. So is it okay to be in a relationship before marriage? Now you can answer that question because I've given you some guidelines. So I'd say keep it as a friendship rather than getting into a romantic relationship. I mean, you can have friends who are men and women. Again, it's cultural, right? Like I said, that's maybe in an urban place, it's okay to have girls and boys being friends, but maybe in a rural place. That may not be the culture that you're doing something against the grain of a culture. So it is cultural. But if you need people to connect with, do so as friends. It doesn't have to be as a romantic relationship because you're setting yourself up for too many things even before you have cleared your mind of. Chirah, have I answered your question? Ma'am, is it possible to be pure in a dating relationship? What do you think, Chirah? No. So when you mean by pure, do you mean sexually pure? Okay. Yes, it is possible to be sexually pure in a dating relationship. And you are too, as in Koranthi's Paul says, you are to keep a control over your sexual desires, right? So there may be a temptation and that's exactly why there are these guidelines even in dating. Is that you, when you're meeting, suppose you're meeting with somebody, don't do it alone in a private space where there isn't anybody else. Keep physical boundaries of how you're going to use your hands, right? Keep distance. Those boundaries are very, very important to establish in order to remain pure, right? Even if you're a believer and a Christian, you're not exempt from a temptation, right? So you have to keep yourself on guard to not cross those boundaries. So it is possible to be pure in a dating relationship. Although the world around says everything else. The world will tell you that in dating, I mean, because you have live-in relationships, you have premarital sex. You know, all of this is something that the world is saying it's okay to do. But what is the calling that we have is to keep ourselves pure till the coming of the Lord, right? And that is also till you have married. And then in marriage, the blessing, we spoke about sex and sexuality, right? How the blessing of the Lord is there when you honor Him even in these aspects. So it is possible. Okay. All right. So the last thing we were looking at is marriage, right? So it is the Bible states that a widower, someone whose partner has passed away, is free to marry if they decide to. Okay. And we come along them and encourage them, bless them. We also recommend that they prepare themselves just like how a new couple would prepare themselves. It is to prepare themselves in coming together. Because sometimes in remarriage, there are also children that are involved, right, from both sides of the family. So to be able to decide and understand how that marriage will take place, how they treat each one equally. Okay. Right. Any questions? They were divorced and remarried. In Matthew chapter 19, we saw that Jesus himself will tell like if a man, except for unfaithfulness, if he marries another woman, he commits adultery with that woman. Like if it's like my understanding, like if she was being unfaithful, it's fine. But without other reason, if someone goes and marries her, he is committing and making her an adulteress. But there are some cases nowadays like where a husband leaves their wives or else sometimes a wife or woman come out of their marriage because of the abuse and they decide to get remarried because the relationship was so toxic. They come out of the relationship and they get to marry with some other. So is that making them as an adulteress? Is that okay or not? Yeah. So there is the command that God gives is, you know, there is a command that is there. But I know there are so many situations like this that happens where divorce does not happen because of either adultery or abandonment. Okay. Maybe it's like you said, it's an abuse or things like that. And it's important. Number one, let's say if it is abuse, important that the person who's being abused has safety. Right. You look for the safety of the person. And if there isn't a reconciliation, there isn't a restoration, then, you know, they go in for a divorce. We present the word of God to them. Right. You give God's word to share what God says. But releasing them to the decision that they take and believing that, you know, God has worked in their lives and will bring about whatever healing they need. It may be difficult for us to really judge to say, you know, they are adulterers, they are adulteresses. It is to show love, show grace. You know, even if they choose to remarry, we continue to. So that's why I said, you know, that's a choice maybe some people may make because of their circumstances and things like that. We present God's word to them and show them what God says and permit them to make that decision. Right. And keep away any form of judgment because another question is like some people like we're having a dual marriage. Some people have two marriages and if a believer is having a two marriage, like what's going to be like sometimes I know of some people like. The family was broken and sometimes like everyone were okay with it. And without the most they remarry again. No, having two wives. Having two wives. Okay. So that definitely is adultery because you're marrying too. What is the consequence for them? Sometimes I know of a brother, he was married, but later he was in an affair. But by the time he wanted more of it, it's too late and even he has children with that another person. So now he is like, I can't do anything. Like I can't leave it like that. So he was just got married keeping both. Yeah. So what is their consequence or how it will be in the side? So, I mean, when you, it's very clear that marriages between one man and one woman, that's very clear. Which means that's not a good ideal situation. It isn't right. They need to decide one or the other. Secondly, it's not right by law to have two wives. At any point of time, someone can put a case on him and he'll be behind bars. Right. So for that one reason also, it's a good thing to be able to annul one or annul the second. But because of the commitment, maybe there needs to be some way the person is recompensated, that family is recompensated. See, these are all problems of consequences of wrong choices. Right. You have to bear consequences. You can't run away from consequences. And that's why instructions like this are given. That you don't go so deep into something and then face consequences of it and later fall back again into sin. But restore it as best as possible. Yeah. Okay. I know these aren't easy answers. There's one. If one spouse leaves the other and marries a different person, even though there is no diverse process took place, is that okay for the other spouse to get married to a different one? Okay. By law, it is not by law. If you're not divorced, you cannot marry another time. Okay. So by law itself, I think we've answered the question there. And it is not, you know, as scripture says to be able to free someone off. That's what is needed to be able to do that. Okay. All right. There was a lot of discussion today. I'm going to close with a word of prayer. I'm going to ask one of my students here to pray. We'll ask Mikhil to pray. Father, we thank you for this day for this time. We come to your praises, Lord. We praise you. We worship you at this time. Father, we lifted your name. Father, we thank you so much for what you have taught us, Lord. We can apply in our lives. Lord Jesus, through these things, we can encourage people also. Father, thank you so much for this. All teachings. Father, give us wisdom understanding. Then we can understand deeply. Lord Jesus, thank you for everything. We give you glory on a Jesus name. I pray amen. Amen. Thank you all. Meet you all next week. God bless. Thank you.