 In 1969, a Christmas presentation was brought into the world, and that presentation was Frosty the Snowman, a celebrated flick that has withstood the test of time. But should it be the holiday classic that many think it is? I don't think so. This is a deranged short story featuring several crimes, a kidnapping, murder, poor messages, and a very disturbing ending that I'm going to get into. So today I'm going to do the one thing that Frosty fears more than anything else. I'm going to roast his fat ass. Let's talk Frosty the Snowman. Movie fires up with Jimmy talking about how great that first snowfall is. I guess I'm a half-glass empty kind of guy whenever I see the first snowflake I think, wow my commute just tripled. We transition to a classroom where there's a bunch of kids super jazzed about this snowfall outside. Teacher introduces a magician for the holiday party. I've hired Professor Ingle, the magician. This is pretty unconventional for me. Listen, I know this is the 60s, but I don't recall in my time as a kid in school ever having a magician show up for a holiday show, especially one in the classroom that has zero decorations for Christmas. It's a little weird. It's a bizarre party. Maybe it was the last second Hail Mary from the teacher. I don't know, let's keep going. Professor Ingle is the name of the magician and he sucks at his job. I'm not sure why he's a professor. I'm not sure what he's a professor of. Magic? The eggs have turned into evidently not. Missy, messy, messy. As an aside, the sound effects here are out of control. Ingle flubs an egg trick before throwing his hat in a fit of rage. He's looking for his rabbit, Hocus Pocus. At this point we see his hat go completely flat, an accordion back out where, boom, the rabbit shows up. This is truly magic right now and these kids are not impressed in the slightest. Hocus hops on Ingle's head and right into our hearts and then out of the classroom. The kids laugh at his folly because they're trash. School bell rings announcing the end of the day. The kids push and shove past the professor like they're on their way to save $10 and a toaster oven at Walmart for Black Friday. The disrespect is crazy. The children now happily outside make themselves an anthropomorphic snowman. I don't even know how they made arms and legs like this out of snow. Incredibly impressive stuff for kids that appear to be no more than seven or eight years old. Now they have to debate over the name of this character. What'll we call him? Yeah, shall we call him Harold? One kid who sounds like he's 75 with a smoker's lung says this. I am at a loss. I have no idea what he said and how he says it is chilling to the bone. Let's listen again. What is going on with that voiceover? Frosty! Karen throws up the name Frosty and the rest of the kids are on board. Frosty? Yeah! Frosty it is! Frosty the snowman it is. Not sure where they got the broom, the corn cob pipe, or the red button nose but if the future is any indication of the past they probably stole these things. Hocus Pocus shot out of a cannon leaves the school still hat bound. A gust of wind throws the hat soaring into Karen's hands. She plops this thing down in the snowman's head which instantaneously brings this thing to life and then he says his first words which are happy birthday. Okay now while it is technically his birthday Frosty's not all there. Something's a bit off with this guy we're gonna find out. The group decides the hat must be magic. Magic? My hat magic. And this is going to be confirmed when the headgear flies off the snowman leaving it lifeless once again. The hat goes back to Professor Hinkel who's super pumped that he has an actual magic hat on his hands he can pay his bills he can really climb to the top as a magician. Needless to say the kids are pissed. They say the hat doesn't belong to him anymore it's Frosty's now. I disagree. I didn't see uh I didn't see them pay him any money for this hat but Frosty's just snow that the hat blew on top of this is Hinkel's this is Hinkel's property and he's gonna keep the hat and walk away. Crest fall in the kids go and embrace Frosty saying we know you're real we love you we'll get the hat back or something they they're they're just so sad about all of this and who can blame them? Who can really blame them? The title card finally kicks in five minutes into a 25 minute presentation. After the second rendition of the Frosty the snowman theme Pocas takes the hat off of Hinkel runs it back to the children. Now back on top of that guy's head he once again states happy birthday. Frosty then attempts to count to 10. 4 5 9 6. He cannot because he's an idiot. The Frosty the snowman theme song kicks in for a third time three times in seven minutes we are off to the races with this theme song. Uh oh. Frosty who's unsure of the amount of fingers he has is at least smart enough to know that he will melt in warm weather. Seeing as this is the first snowfall of the season I imagine they have a few solid months where the weather's gonna stay down and he'll be safe but now they need to figure this out like yesterday. They have to get Frosty to safety and so they immediately come together and decide they have to haul his ass to the north pole. The only place I'd never melt is the north pole. This leads to a celebratory parade where the theme song is uttered for the fourth time in under 10 minutes. You'll love to hear it. During the snowman pride parade a bunch of town folks freak out over what they're seeing. It's legitimately a good reason to freak out when you see a bunch of little kids with a giant snow creature. One woman clearly shatters her back. Never to walk again. Thanks Frosty. A cop gets so scared he swallows his own whistle. He's gonna have the most excited sounding farts in all the land. Frost marches these kids through some pretty sketchy areas of the town. I would imagine as a father myself some of the parents are gonna be quite concerned about the well-being of their kids not coming home from school. Where are they? Where are they going? Man screw them says Frosty. He's only looking out for numero uno. They enter the train station. The dude working here is off his rocker. They ask for one ticket to the north pole. This guy goes into beast mode. In a fury of stamping and flailing and all around nonsense he comes back to them with a stack of sheets. They're looking for one ticket dude not a book. By the way the sound effects at this point have completely lost the plot. This old psychopath says one ticket to the north pole is gonna cost three thousand dollars. That'll be three thousand dollars and four cents. I don't know what ass he pulled that number out of but he might be a magician himself. Hocus Pocus tells Karen to hocus focus as there's a train car over there they can jump into. Yeah sure might as well hitch a free ride just add one more criminal activity to the laundry list that you have queued up. Frosty's entire existence so far has been based on stealing things. Put it on the pile of crimes let's keep going. Speaking of Frosty since he doesn't care about anyone but himself he says yeah why don't you hitch a free ride too Karen. Come with me to the north pole. Which if money is any indicator is telling me this isn't just around the corner. This is a three thousand dollar train ride. Just to recap this girl has not checked in with her parents she's off on some kakamemi mission to the north pole has no money has very little on her person. I mean what is she gonna do? Does she have anything to stay warm in the night? Does she have a place to sleep? No No. Oh and just to make matters worse she's hanging out with a highly intelligent super bunny and a mentally challenged snow thing. What kind of story is this even? Okay I'm thinking kids bring a snowman to life with a magic cat and then the first thing he thinks about is how he's gonna die if he doesn't get to a colder climate that's the story that's the entire plot. 13 minutes in. The Frosty the snowman theme song has kicked in yet again. Hinkle catches up to the train and hitches a ride underneath. Dumb as dirt frosty realizes Karen maybe not in a good spot. She's going to freeze to death dipshit. Are you cold Karen? Professor Hinkle just trying to get his hat back jumps off the train when he sees they've left falling down the largest mountain known to man. He smashes down this thing and into a tree which I imagine killed him on impact. Every bone in his body sounds like it broke six times. He got so wrecked from this the sound effects continue long after he's fully disposed of. So Frosty it turns out heading into the middle of nowhere in the dead of night with a young impressionable girl that you stole probably not the greatest idea Karen is dying. And for what? And for what I ask. Pocas suggests making a fire. Frosty declines. Oh boy that's one thing I really can't do. What an asshole. HP determined to save this girl recruits a bunch of woodland critters and they make a fire while Frosty cowers off in the corner thinking of only himself. Hinkle's not dead after all. He's back in pursuit but not for long. We're now at the final leg of the film and equally the dumbest section as well. Which seems almost impossible. Frost comes upon a nice warm greenhouse for our little girl to get nice and cozy in. And for some reason he thinks he has to carry her inside instead of oh I don't know waiting outside and having her walk in. Are her legs no longer working? Because if that's the case we might have bigger problems on our hands. And not only does he bring her in he stays there. Just walk back outside. What are you doing dude? Hinkle now caught up and seeing how incredibly dumb this snowman is slams the door shut and just waits. Just waits outside. There's no lock on the door from what I can tell. Typically doors lock from the inside out so Frosty could just push it open and walk outside but no he's gonna stay there. He's just gonna hang out. See how it plays. Oh good Santa showed up just in time to save the day. He's gonna go down find Karen, see Frosty and realize he's dead. He has melted and is a puddle on the ground tragically traumatizing every child that watched this show including myself as a kid. Of course not really at the time understanding what a total dipshit Frosty is and this whole thing is just a complete fiasco that didn't need to happen. This does lead to my favorite part of the film. Karen's knelt over the remains of Frosty bawling her eyes out and we get this beautiful tasteful montage of all the things we've bared witness to so far in this flick with Frosty and his accomplishments which include in their entirety by the way him coming to life leading the kids on a parade and then dying in the middle of the woods at night. What an amazing accomplished character we have here folks. What an absolute icon Frosty the snowman is. Santa using Christmas magic of course brings Frosty back to life begging the question is the hat even necessary at all. Hinkle having the same question asked Santa if he can have his hat back because clearly he needs it for his job. He's hard up on cash, he's a struggling magician, must have failed at professing. I don't know what he's a professor of again but Santa declines and he goes a step further. He gives him an impossible task to accomplish. He wants Hinkle to write that he's sorry to Frosty over 100 zillion times. What kind of sick shit is this Santa? What are you doing dude? The mind games being played on this poor professor right here are astronomical. Shame on you Santa Claus. Shame on you Frosty. Santa secures the hat back on Frost's head and he comes to life saying for the third or fourth time happy birthday. It's very magical, it's very wonderful. And then once you know it the eighth rendition of the Frosty theme song kicks in. Film ends with Kringle and Frosty cruising around in the sleigh where they drop Karen off at her home on the rooftop in the dead of night without anyone knowing. How is she supposed to get down from here? What's the end game for Karen? She's gonna break her legs probably die trying to get down this icy snowy rooftop. This is game over. Absolute madman Santa is. The greatest irony in all of this is the entire second half of this film is trying to keep Karen from freezing to death only to drop her off where she will in fact freeze to death if she doesn't die from a fall first. Sick shit going on here in Frosty world. Happy birthday indeed Karen. Of course the girl's young and innocent doesn't understand what's happening so she waves a happy goodbye to Santa and Frosty as they fly off into the moonlight and the thump-a-dee thump-thump-thump-a-dee thump-thump song kicks in for the ninth or tenth or twentieth time in kind of an eerie montage overlaying Karen in her final few minutes of life. And that's for us to the snowman. A strange bizarre presentation that for some reason my family watches almost every year and wonder why we watch it. It's a train wreck. It's a mystery as to how this was made, why, who the audience was and it just goes to show that a coherent story, a likable set of characters really doesn't matter as long as it's colorful and there's a song repeated at Nazium. And that's what we have with Frosty the snowman. A touchstone iconic presentation from the 60s that for some reason has withstood the test of time. Alright let me know your thoughts on this bizarre little flick. Leave a comment below. Please like the video if you in fact liked the video, had a good time. It's all in good fun. It's all in jest. Subscribe to the channel if you want to hear more roast. I roast movies, really bad ones typically. It's also for fun. I do a lot of movie reviews, rants, all sorts of stuff every single week on the channel. Would love to have you stick around. If you really like what I'm doing, want to give for the holidays, become a Patreon at patreon.com slash adam does movies or right here on YouTube via that join button. You just hit join and become a member. You get exclusive perks, hundreds of exclusive videos. It's a good time for everyone involved. Alright, happy holidays. We'll see you soon.