 You are dating or in a relationship with a guy and this guy is so annoying. How do you send him all the wrong signals so that you end up driving him crazy and making him want to run away from you, screaming, kicking, crying and never wanting to talk to you again? That's what we're going to be talking about today. Hello my name is Matthew Coast and welcome to Commitment Connection. Today we're going to be talking about how to lose a man in seven easy steps. How do you send him all the wrong signals and make him want to run the other direction from you? So that's what we're talking about today. Let's get started. So number one, first thing that you want to do if you really want to get rid of a guy is to assume that he's cheating on you and then interrogate him every single chance that you get. So turn everything that happens that's going on in the dating relationship thing, everything that he does into him potentially cheating on you. So he shows up late from work, he's not getting back to you immediately, he's spending time with anyone but you, could be family members, could be friends, could be anyone. Accus him of cheating. You know he's cheating. You know it. Accus him of it. Tell him that he's cheating on you and say that you're not going to stand for it anymore and every single time he does anything like that, accuse him of cheating. If you're with us right now in this live stream say hi and tell us where in the world you're watching this from. It's cool to see so many women from all over the world watching these live streams. So step number one is assume that he's cheating on you and then interrogate him every single moment you possibly can. Number two is get his friends drunk and hook up with as many of them as you possibly can. If you want to remind and then once you're done doing that remind him of how you hooked up with his friends anytime he tries to do something nice for you or even when he doesn't just tell him every chance that you get or you don't actually have to hook up with any of his friends but just tell him that you hooked up with his friends because that's kind of a better solution than actually hooking up with his friends. So do that every time you can remind him or tell him that you hooked up with his friends and tell him how many guys you've hooked up with and try to make it a really big number right like take your actual number and multiply it by like three or five or ten or something like that and tell him that you're always on the prowl looking for a new guy to hook up with. Number three is sorry this isn't funny maybe it is a little bit funny. Number three is get upset about everything that you can and make sure that you cry about it. So cry about things get upset use phrases like am I not enough for you and do you not love me and just question whether he loves you and what's going on in the relationship and whether he actually cares about you and why he's not doing the things that he should be doing and just do it as much as you can and then cry and then blame him and attack him for it every single chance that you get and trust me that will that if the first two haven't worked yet number three will definitely get him. Number four is quit your job move in with him and then replace all of his stuff with your stuff and then so move into his place take his stuff throw it out get rid of it donate it somewhere that's the best especially if it's expensive donate as much of his stuff as you possibly can replace it with your stuff and then when he starts asking about it which he nor you know naturally he's gonna be like hey what happened to my guitar what happened to my lucky hat what happened to my dog you know I don't know what a good dog's name is Billy the dog let's say Billy's Billy's the dog what happened to Billy what happened to Billy and just tell him that whatever he's asking about was ugly and you needed to get rid of it because you don't have ugly stuff in this house and he's too good for that kind of stuff and try to get as rid of as many things as possible and just tell him when he asked just tell him it was ugly your dog was ugly that's what you that's what you want to tell him your dog was ugly so if you get what I'm talking about say I can say I get it in the chat if you don't get what I'm talking about I guess you can ask questions about it or ask whatever questions you want about whatever is going on in your situation and I will get to it here at the end it's number five is use sex as a bargaining tool and tell him that you're not going to have it with him unless he does what you want and use it as often as you possibly can and make it for really for for doing lots of lots and lots and lots of things right so just whenever you get a chance tell him that he's not gonna get he's not gonna hook up with you tonight if he doesn't act right and do what do what you tell him to do right he he's not getting that cookie he's not getting the cookie unless he does what you tell him to do and do that as many times as possible and throw it in his face as much as you can all right number six is accuse him of wanting to leave you and do it as much as you possibly can so you know are you gonna leave me did you find someone else are you sleeping with that girl at work are you gonna leave me for him or her then cry about it and accuse him attack him I think maybe you're getting maybe you're getting the picture here so again if you if all the stuff before this hasn't done it then start accusing him start framing things as him wanting to leave you and he's going to leave you and everything means that he's gonna leave you he's leaving you and you're the you came over work are you leaving me you don't love me anymore you don't want to be with me do that as much as possible and it I mean right now if you haven't driven him crazy at this point I do number seven right number seven is to tell him to compliment you once every hour and then lose your mind if you doesn't so say things like do I look beautiful and what do you think of my hair and what do you think of my outfit it just constantly bait him for compliments just all the time just constantly kind of he doesn't tell me doesn't love you and ask him if he's sure and question all of it right and just do that over and over and over again and I promise you if you do these seven things you will absolutely drive him crazy and run him out of your life no questions asked about it again number one you're assuming that he's cheating on you and interrogating him every single chance you get number two is get his friends drunk and either hook up with him or don't and just tell him that you did number three is get upset about everything that you can and then cry about it number four is quit your job move in with him and then replace all of his stuff with yours and when he asks about it tell him how ugly his dog is number five is use sex as a bargaining tool and use it as often as possible and try to get him to do all kinds of crazy stupid things for it and then don't give it to him anyway don't don't don't give it to him anyway just keep him on the cycle just say oh no now you need to do this now you need to do that now you need to do this number six is accuse him of wanting to leave you and do it all the time so you want to frame him as wanting to leave you and that he's going to leave you and that he doesn't love you and that he doesn't care and just do that as often as possible accuse him of finding someone else and then number seven constantly bait him for compliments do I look beautiful you're just saying that you're lying to me do you sure I don't think you really care you don't love me just do that as much as you possibly can and I promise you I promise you this will drive him completely insane and run him out of your life okay so what questions do you have about what's your biggest frustration what's your biggest challenge what is going on in your dating and relationship love life that we can talk about here let's see what people have to say hello hello hello hello everybody from Botswana ask aksa Anna Jane is he some guys need oh is he says hi from the UK some guys need to watch this Matt yeah I mean lots and lots and lots of people need to watch this really everybody Ellie says hi the second one laugh out loud it's not funny it's not okay might be funny it might be a little bit funny as says it's hilarious man okay maybe it's hilarious but do you love me your dogs ugly alright maybe you don't need to say that but if you want to get rid of them definitely tell him that his dog is ugly unless his dog really is ugly and he takes pride in that because some I mean there's nothing wrong with ugly dogs let's just be honest some of the best dogs in the world are very ugly dogs yeah Gem says yeah this worked for me today although was home and with my kids how does that happen okay Char says the sad thing is there are many gals that do this kind of messing around that that is true that is true kooky cutie says Matt I can't okay all right Christina says this is ridiculous you used to be helpful why would anyone want to get rid of a guy I hope this is a joke or a slow day yeah I mean this is a joke right if you if you haven't caught on to it there's it's a little bit of it's a little bit funny and it's also there's a bit of seriousness to this right because I'm sitting here telling you how to get rid of a guy and you know from one standpoint yeah you can absolutely use this to get rid of a guy and drive him crazy and run him out of your life well on the other side of this is a reality of a lot of things that maybe you're not doing it to these extremes but everything that I talked about sends the wrong signals and so if you want to know if you're sending the wrong signals just look at what I say and pull it back a little bit because I was kind of making it extreme right like you know asking him if he loves you every hour or whatever questioning whether he's you know sleeping with other people and cheating on you and all that kind of stuff and at the same time it's behaviors that I know I've experienced in dating and relationship situations before which totally turned me off I mean imagine if a guy was doing that to you right another woman in this was talking about how guys need to watch this and it's it's kind of a warning right it's like don't do these kinds of things because they drive people crazy and push them out of your life and so you can look at it from either side Christina Carter you know sometimes people don't get my jokes when I when I talk about him on my YouTube channel and if you don't get it that's fine I'm laying it out for you right here right these these are ways to drive a man away from you and drive him crazy and and lower your value in his eyes and make him feel like he doesn't want to be around you and he doesn't like you and he's not going to be attracted to you anymore and so you can take it as you know your as the joke if you want to take it as the joke or you can look at it from the serious standpoint of you know am I doing these things and am I pushing men out of my life and am I pushing a guy away by doing this kind of stuff or you could use it to actually push a guy away if you want to do that and if you want to get my system for how to attract a great guy who loves you and sees you and cherishes you make sure you check out the foreverwomanformula.com because it is a great program and it'll show you how to do everything right instead. Sissy says hi hey Sissy how you doing? Aggy says I get it except poor dog yeah I mean you know I mean you know Char says never use sex that way for those that don't get the humor here. Yeah don't do any of these things for those who don't get the humor here unless you really do want to get rid of a guy and then you can do this. So kooky cutie says Matt your impersonations impersonations are gold. Yep yep yep yep. Pauline says yes this does work to get rid of a guy. See there you go we have evidence we have people who know that this is actually getting rid of guys. Sissy says I love the acting Oscar performance. Okay okay okay okay. Right see as says right there we can use this list as not to do things unless we want to lose the guy. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Okay. Okay so who has who has a challenge or something that's going on in your life that's really really challenging for you right now. For you right now. For you right now. So Tammy says you are so funny this is the best left out loud. See why does an ex say he wants commitment after we get back then few days he says he doesn't want because he remembers all the bad things that happened. What should the woman do. Could there be someone else. Well it's so one of the things that I want to talk about here because a lot of women do this and they do it in our community all the time and it's it really doesn't serve you to do this and it's immediately assume that there's somebody else. I mean unless this guy is a super player which if he is then my suggestion is you stop dating players. He's probably he probably doesn't just have somebody on the side he probably isn't just finding other people all the time right. A lot of people assume that he is right a guy is oh he's losing interest in me. Oh he doesn't want commitment. There must be somebody else right. And it's kind of throwing it into this thing where it's like all of a sudden there's somebody out there. I mean there could be a whole bunch of different reasons why he might not actually want a commitment and the first reason would be looking at what he actually says right. So if he's like hey you know I remember all the bad things that happened. I would assume that he's remembering all the bad things that happened right because that's that's usually like I've been in a few situations in my own personal life where I've had exes try to get back together with me and the biggest thing that prevented me from getting back together with them wasn't somebody else. It wasn't you know dating somebody else. It was usually me remembering how our relationship was and then thinking I don't want to go back to that. I never want to go back to that. And so if you want a man if you want to get back together with a guy you have to make him believe that he's coming into something new. That he's not going back to what you had. And so you want to break the pattern break his image of who you are of what this relationship is going to look like with the two of you. And then once you break that then it's a lot easier to to build things up right and you want to build things up by building up your value first right making him put in the effort making him chase you getting him to invest from an emotional and mental and physical and financial and every kind of aspect that you can get him to invest because the more effort that he puts in to you the more that he is going to value you. And so you want to do all that before you end up hooking up with him or doing anything or even agreeing to be in a relationship with him. My suggestion is that if you reconnect with the guy instead of going straight into okay are we going to be in a committed relationship and you know are we getting back together and all this other stuff. Instead my suggestion to you is go yeah you know I'm not really sure that I want to get back together either. You know like I realize that I had a bunch of weird things going on with me when we were in that relationship that we had I realized that all your complaints about the things that were happening between the two of us those were legitimate complaints. And I've been working on myself and I've been growing myself and I've been you know doing a whole bunch of things in my life and I love my life now and I've been having a great time and creating a great experience for myself and I'm not really sure that I want to get back into this relationship where I was trying to convince you and prove to you and you know I was constantly nagging you and you were doing whatever you wanted and you didn't care about my needs and you know you know I was doing all these things to hurt you. I don't want to go back to that. I don't want to go back to any of that. You know if I'm gonna get into a relationship I want something that's completely different than what it is that we had. And so that's my suggestion for you if you're going back into it is instead of instead of trying to get him to go back to something that you were in break that old pattern right break the image of who he thinks you are right make radical shifts in your behavior in your appearance so that you break that that pattern of who he thinks you are and then make him work and put effort in to hanging out with you and spending time with you and getting back together with you and that way you create a new frame around your relationship where he looks at it as something completely new that he's getting into he values you a lot more and you're not going back to this old thing that he doesn't want to be in you don't want to be in it either because it's just gonna get you back into the same situation that you were in when he left and so you don't want to be in that situation at all. That's my suggestion. Carmel says I get this but way too much effort for someone you don't like prefer straight-up honesty. Yeah I mean you can definitely the honesty thing works really well it can you know sometimes it doesn't sometimes it doesn't work well and you can ask the women in our community and some of the women here and they will tell you that being honest with a guy doesn't stop a lot of guys some guys will continue some guys will continue to pursue you no matter what you say to them. Jem says what is wrong with me well Jem I would say that the biggest thing that is wrong is you asking the question what is wrong with me and instead my suggestion is that you use a different question because if you ask yourself anything your brain is going to come up with answers for it's your brain's not gonna say oh there's nothing wrong with you instead your brain's gonna say oh you just asked me this question it's like putting something into a computer right if you type something into the computer the computer doesn't ask oh is this the right question for you to be asking or is this the right thing for you to be inputting instead it gives you data back from whatever it is that you asked like let's say you type in something to Google right it's just gonna give you answers for whatever it is that you ask and so what you need to do is you need to change the question that you're asking and create much much higher quality questions right so I'm not sure what's triggering you to ask yourself what's wrong with me but here are some better questions that you might want to ask yourself a better question might be you know how can I love myself more than I already do how can I create the relationship that I want to have how can I enjoy and love my life to the fullest extent possible how can I create joy and love within myself so that when I'm around a man he just is totally in love with the experience of being around to me right just come up with much better questions than the questions that you're currently asking like that that is a that question right there will drive you crazy and it will destroy your self-esteem and your self-image of yourself and make you hate yourself so stop doing that and instead ask questions that are much higher quality about how you can love yourself more how can how you can create a better relationship how you can create a better connection how you can you know do something that you want right focus on what it is that you want and stop focusing on asking yourself questions that are going to give you really bad answers aha Valerie says all of the above sounds good I want to get rid of a certain person see somebody's here trying to get rid of somebody I knew it I knew there would be somebody friend Francis I have done some of these but I feel guilty yeah you know it happens it happens to the best of us it happens to the best of us it happens to the best of us as a big e s as a good boo as a good boo as a boo nika says in my love life I don't know how long I can keep posting him I don't know what that means but okay Cherice says talking to a guy for two months now that he has the beer bug how is he is not communicating I don't know how to handle this please well if he's not communicating with you you're not going to there's not a whole lot that you can do right you've been talking to a guy for a couple months well my suggestion is you stop getting attached to men that you haven't met in real life that is my first suggestion I have a video about how to detach yourself from men my suggestion is that you start with that and my second suggestion is to stop getting overly attached to guys stop investing in guys stop spending tons of time thinking about and emotionally connecting to guys that who aren't really you know that you haven't even met yet you know it's a huge red flag right for yourself you need to look at a big red flag for yourself saying I've been talking to this guy for two months and I'm losing my mind because he's not communicating that should be a big red flag for yourself in saying wow maybe I need to diversify where I'm getting my connection and where what kind of options that I have and you know putting all my eggs in this scarcity basket of this one dude right because this is so a lot of women complain about this idea that I call abundance right it's this idea where you specifically abundance of options where you're connecting with and talking to and dating multiple men at the same time usually up to three don't hook up with any of them and they complain about this a lot because it you know they just want this one guy and it's this one guy and I want to make him like you you know make him like me and whatever but here's the problem with what what's happening is you get into situations like yours where your only option is this one dude and he stops communicating with you and you're freaking out and you shouldn't be right you haven't even met this guy you're not even in a relationship with this guy you're you're not even you don't even know if this I mean I don't know how much you even know about this person he might be real he might not be real who knows what's going on with this guy and so you don't want to be in a situation like the one that you're in and so my suggestion is that you detach from this guy as quickly as you possibly can build some abundance and stop making it all about this one dude alright so Felicia says Matthew this is exactly we don't want when considering a relationship or a life partner even we are not perfect we want somebody who is understanding Lisa says it's called sarcasm yes yes yes yes yes yes yes Josie says no this is serious to me because I'm a pleaser so it's hard for me to tell a guy that I date last night that he's not my type yeah yeah it's it can be a challenge it can be a challenge you want you want people to feel good about themselves you don't want to anger them you don't want to freak them out you don't want to feel like the bad person you don't want to feel like the bad person and so you don't want to be too honest sometimes you don't want to be too sometimes Char says don't need the list just be obnoxious maybe maybe CJ says lose the dog if he ain't no gun one can't let them all in release release if he's no use okay as begin as a good boo as good boo is a good boo as a good boo says I have the challenge of keeping a guy so close to me you're saying it's challenging for you to keep them close to you are you saying that you are challenged with it are you saying that you don't you're saying I'm not sure what you're saying Lisa says hey guys I don't think he can see my comments anyone see my comments in the chat I can see your comments Lisa I can see your comments Fran Fran says trying to get rid of a guy but he is on his way you're just it's just getting worse Fran Fran I might give him another try we'll see he is sweet but no passion yep no passion gotta have that passion right what is how do you create let's talk about this for a second Fran Fran what creates passion in relationship what creates passion between two people Fran Fran what is the answer to that question have anybody knows answer it okay I'm gonna go ahead and answer it time up the answer is it's it's differences right so it's polarity polarity creates passion so anytime you guys are on opposite sides of a scale there's passion that's created so there's this term called rapport out there and rapport is like this matching thing right when when two people find alignment in things they find togetherness in things they're the same right they find anything that's the same that is that that's what creates this thing called rapport well if you break rapport that's actually what creates the spark right think about it like you're breaking rapport you're creating a spark which is mismatching right so it's it's a polarity I don't know if any of that made sense to you or not but the polarity can be things like dark light right if a guy is really light and you're really dark right that can create a mismatch that creates sparks which creates passion right it creates that chemistry if you have feminine masculine right that create that can create those sparks that can create that passion right if you're really feminine or he's really masculine or masculine or vice versa you're really masculine he's really feminine that can create a lot of sparks which can create a lot of passion just disagreeing on little things can actually create that believe it or not it's it's kind of a weird concept because it seems like it wouldn't make a lot of sense I was talking to this this coach the other day about it who wasn't a dating and relationship coach and and we're talking about you know what happens when two people meet each other and what needs to happen when two people meet each other and she's like well you need to start with rapport and I was like no no you do not need to start with rapport and you shouldn't restart start with rapport you should start with breaking rapport right you should start with a little bit of conflict a little bit of drama or something because what that does is it creates that spark right it creates this emotional kind of friction that creates passion in the relationship if there's too much of it it'll drive both of you crazy or at least one of you crazy and for men right for men one of the big differences between men and women is that for men if there's too much friction he will even if he's in love if there's too much friction he'll look at you and be like this isn't going to work right I'm not going to commit I can't see us being together for a lot of women they think they have this mindset of like love is all we need right if he was in love with me then he would commit and if he was in love with me then he would you know want to have kids like I do or if he was in love with me he would get rid of his idea of wanting kids or whatever it is that they're trying to get a guy to do because they want him they want him to behave like a woman would which is or the feminine would which is they fall in love and they get in touch with their emotions and they listen to their emotions right that's what the feminine does the masculine on the other hand it might be connected with its emotions but it doesn't it doesn't make all of its decisions based on that right and so that was kind of running off on a tangent there but I hope that helps there friend friend so Christina says guy right out of divorce says he doesn't want to get serious but actions show he wants more right invites me to sleep over texts and calls all day so Christina I want you to listen to this because it's a very very very important listen to this a man's timeline though the way that a man gets into commitment and the way that a woman thinks about commitment those two are different totally different right so most women that I talk to they have kind of this timeline right and these set of events that happen so you know a guy will hang talk to her a lot and he'll you know want to hook up together and he'll you know spend time with her and he'll tell her that he loves her and she'll meet his friends and family and he'll take her out on trips and all these things and she in her mind usually thinks well his actions are saying that he wants a something more with me but he told me he doesn't want something more with me so he must want something more with me that is not how men work men have a thought process that needs to flip right he has a mindset that needs to flip and so if he tells you right if he tells you that he doesn't want a commitment but he acts like he does believe what he says always always remember this believe if a man's actions and words are out of alignment do not believe his actions believe the worst of the two always believe the worst of the two because a man can take you out on dates he can show you to his friends and family he can message you all the time and talk to you all the time and tell you sweet things and tell you he loves you and I call you you know do all these kinds of things with you and not want something serious with you and he can do that indefinitely he can do that for years if he wants to and you need to know that right that it doesn't mean there's something wrong with him it means that he's wired a little bit differently than you might be and so you need to remember in your mind that no matter what he does if he tells you that he doesn't want anything serious you need to believe what he says believe him when he tells you that he doesn't want anything serious because if you don't you are setting yourself up for a heartbreak and what you need to do is tell him that's fine and I want something real and let go of him and move on to somebody else and if he decides that he wants to step up and want something real with you that's fine but don't do not think that he wants something real with you just because he his actions make it seem like he does his actions and his words have to be in alignment and if they're not believe which ever one's worse and in this case the worst one is that he told you that he doesn't want anything serious and so believe him you need to believe him Catherine said you're funny well thanks kath thank you kath thank you kath mm-hmm Ellie says I've recently started dating long distance and I want to know how to understand that it is serious and I'm not wasting my time well that is a very important thing for you to know Ellie how can I bring it up without scaring him away early on so first off I would go back to what I was talking about with that woman earlier where I said that you shouldn't be attaching yourself to any man right you shouldn't be attaching yourself to any man don't attach yourself to any one man until he is committed until he looks at you and says you are the only one I want and I want the same kind of relationship that you do whatever it is right you need to talk to him about that the only guys that are going to be scared off by a conversation about this are guys who are not looking for what it is that you're looking for those are the only guys that are going to be scared off by it and so it's not a big deal I mean you know you don't want to say that you're looking for it with him you just want to say that you know at some point I'd like to get married and have kids and a white picket fence and a little dog named Toto and I you know want to become a expert at underwater basket weaving or whatever it is right more seriously because that was that was a joke for those people that don't get my humor more seriously you want to let him know that you know you had a revelation about yourself and you realize that you you know want at some point to be in a committed relationship and you want marriage and you know you're not looking for something that's just casual just hook up just you know whatever kind of a thing you want something that's serious and you want to have that conversation with them and don't apologize about it don't be shy about it don't try to you know hint at it don't do any of that kind of stuff you want to have this real conversation because it's a very important conversation and if he is looking for that as well ultimately he's going to let you know and if he's not he's either going to let you know that he's not or he's going to avoid the conversation so it's not a conversation that you don't want to have it's a conversation you definitely want to have and if he's going to get scared off about that conversation that's great because you want to scare off the guys that aren't the right guys for you cookie cutie says cookie cookie cutie says talking about these cookies now i want to cookie i want to cookie now cookie cookie cutie i have a boyfriend but a married guy is literally begging me to quit my boyfriend and be with him i told him to leave me alone and that i am in a relationship but it only made him obsessed yep use what i just talked about and you will get rid of him and drive him drive him crazy friend friend said he nearly didn't come over earlier because you said i was in a bad mood but then he's on his way wow wow wow lisa said is he reading questions from facebook live because i'm not seeing the comments he's reading hahaha you're so funny lisa um maria says my ex was saying all the right things he introduced me to his family we were every day together and then two weeks ago he said he wants to be single i don't understand what went wrong you need to tell us a little bit more about what actually happened and what you guys did and you know what was going on in your relationship what conversations did you have about your relationship what conversations did you not have about your relationship and again if you want the best formula for getting into a relationship where a guy is committed to you and he loves you and he thinks that you are an amazing beautiful awesome woman that he wants to be with forever check out the forever woman formula dot com check it out forever woman formula dot com dot com dot com dot com dot com fiona says do you think our partners mirror things in us for example i'm attracting men that are charmed enchanted and emotionally interested yet hesitant for commitment is that reflecting something in me well the question isn't necessarily is that reflecting something in you although it could be right it could have to do with your commitment to yourself right it could have to do with your uh belief in what you deserve uh you know more than anything um you know you may be looking at the wrong things right so a lot of women they put a huge amount of emphasis on which guy they pick because of the things that you're talking about right here right so you say in this i am attracting men that are charmed enchanted and emotionally interested right so you know you're talking about things that that he is from an emotional standpoint i'm i'm guessing right you're not talking about yourself here i think and so um you know that's not i mean that's important right it's important for a guy to be in love and be interested in all those kinds of things and at the same time you need to make sure from the very beginning that he's interested in the same kind of thing that you're interested in you know it's one of those things i'm not sure where you're meeting these men but it's one of those things that these days there are lots and lots of people men and women on these apps that are just looking to hook up right on these online dating things that are just looking to hook up and so most of the people if you're talking to people on those apps are people that are just looking to hook up with somebody and or there there's a lot of things going on with them and so if you just took like a portion of those people and you're like okay i'm meeting these people and they're all from these apps right it's you're probably gonna be mostly meeting people that aren't looking for a real commit and so instead of thinking that that's right that that the problem is that there's something going on with you instead you might want to like get a a better way of weeding these guys out right and and bringing up these conversations a little bit earlier and letting them know what you're interested in a little bit earlier and asking them what they're interested in a little bit earlier i know that there's some dating coaches that say not to do that and i totally disagree i totally disagree about that i mean you you know you should be talking to guys about this within the first couple of days you know you don't want to get invested in men who aren't aren't looking for the same things that you're looking for and there are a lot of people out there right now who are hurt and broken and confused and they are you know they're um avoiding having something real i mean there are people i was talking to some women in my family who are looking to do that now you know and and there's a lot of women in our community and you'll see it all the time where they're just ready to give up right they're ready to give up and they just want to hook up buddy now and they're just hooking up with people and i mean it's everywhere it's everywhere that's what people are resorting to now because the dating market is becoming more and more competitive more than ever before it's super highly competitive now and so a lot of people have these crazy ideas of what they want and what they should want and then they want people that aren't really the right kind of people for them but it's the those people are the kind of people that you know really connect with them and turn them on and make them excited right and so that's who they focus on instead of the the person that's actually really good for them because they're getting this thrown into their face so much right and it's so easy to connect with somebody who's not really good for you and who just makes you feel all the right things but isn't a good partner and it's those people that typically know how to make you feel all the right things that typically aren't the right partners for you that's that's usually the case right because think about it players it's it's funny when i hear about women talking about players and how all men are players and all that kind of stuff which is absolutely not true right the a very small percentage of men it's like five percent of men who are players right and the there's right now around uh somewhere between 25 and 27 percent of men have been celibate and haven't hooked up with somebody for at least a year and then there's five percent of men that are players and then most men are somewhere in the spectrum in between of that right and so if you're talking to players all the time it's because you are you know you're focusing on the wrong thing right you're focusing on how does this guy you know make me feel and that's it right and maybe you've been really charmed by guys in the past and so you focus on this narrow group of dudes because you want to feel the same thing that you felt with these players but most guys most regular guys they don't know how to act like that they don't know how to charm you and say all the right things and you know put you through all the right emotions because they don't practice it right players are good at it because they've been doing it a lot they've done it with hundreds or thousands of women or tens of thousands of women and so they're really good at making you feel all the right things whereas guys who are regular guys it's really really difficult for them now because they don't have that skill set they don't have the communication skill set of making you feel all the right things and so they're like getting passed over by these players who are getting all the women right and you know they're they're getting far far less availability of women than than ever before in history right and so one of the thoughts that you might want to have is if I'm constantly seeing all these guys and I'm dating all these guys and these guys are all these people that are this one way it might be a good idea to start looking at a different type of guy and start spending time with a different kind of guy that you normally wouldn't date just to see what happens there and I've had a lot of women that have taken this advice before just that advice and they've gone off and they found some amazing guy and gotten married to him because they didn't realize that they were chasing players or they're chasing you know emotionally broken guys or they're chasing guys that you know just they they were emotionally unavailable or had mommy issues or you know were just whatever right some had something going on with them and so you might want to look at that as well that was kind of a another long rant but I hope that was valuable to you Fiona I hope that was valuable to you Fiona. Nika says I'm really shy and awkward when I go on dates any suggestions on how to not be this way yes there are I have a lot of different suggestions on that the first one is to you know just do it a bunch right the more you do it the less shy you're gonna be and the more you kind of step a little bit out of your comfort zone because I came from the same world right normally naturally I'm a super shy guy like I grew up playing on computers you know I was a computer nerd back in the day and so I'm not naturally extrovert mr. talkative you know get into conversations kind of guy I've literally spent over a decade of my life learning communication skills so that I can develop relationships so that I can connect with people so that I can do YouTube videos and Facebook lives and you know I have a business like the one that I have and doing what I do and so it can take time right you just want to step out of your comfort zone a little bit more and a little bit more and a little bit more and just do things do things that you're afraid of and it doesn't have to necessarily necessarily be on dates just go out and do things that you wouldn't normally do one of the things that I did to really get over my shyness was I went and what this was back although you can still do it today especially if you're I can't really see your photo all that well but it looks like you're a very pretty girl and so if you go out and talk to guys right just go out and doesn't even have to be guys could be anybody right I when I first started doing this I went to a mall and I would just walk around and I would ask people what time it was right because I was so incredibly nervous when I was in the military I used to be in the military and I came home from the Iraq war back in 2005 right and I remember trying to approach women back in those days and it was just it was crazy like I couldn't do it like I was scared out of my mind and it wasn't even like fear it was like this anxious nervousness that would just overcome my body and just it was so bad that would make me sick like I would get sick thinking about walking over and approaching a woman physically ill I would physically get sick and have to go to the bathroom and you know if I thought about going over and talking to a girl and so what I started doing was I would go to a mall and I would walk around and I would just ask people what time it was and I would just get used to approaching people and after a while people started looking at me like I was this extrovert because I would just go and do anything I'd walk over and say something and go do this and talk about that and you know like ask people directions and people are like wow you're really courageous and you you know are really great at talking to people and going up and walking up to people of strangers and talking to them and I'm like I've literally practiced this like this is a practice that I've gotten used to another thing that you can do if you don't want to go to that extreme level is you can just get comfortable figure out what it is about it that makes you feel shy right and just come up with things right one way is to have pre-planned things that you talk about so it could be questions it could be stories that you have about your life and you can practice these stories with friends that you know and people that you know and ask people that you know questions right just talk to people that you know and then when you go on a date you've already practiced it and you already know what it is and so you can say it to a guy and it's not that big of a deal anymore because you've spent some time practicing and memorizing and knowing exactly what it is that you're going to say and knowing what you're going to say creates confidence right because then you have what it is that you're going to say and you want a whole bunch of different things that you can say actually these are text messages here but if you're interested in a whole bunch of different texts I have a program called Irresistible Text you can go check it out it's a really inexpensive program right now you'll learn all about how to get a guy to chase you through text messages and all that kind of stuff I'm not sure if this is even really relevant to what you're talking about but I hope that helps you out a bit there okay so let's see where are we where are we where are where where Tina says he says he wants to commit but then doesn't even come for us to spend time together again look at a man's actions in his words and if they're out of alignment always believe the worst of the two always believe the worst of the two Andrea says I love that you are actually reading and responding to the comments listening while I sip my coffee here in Colorado cool I'm actually I actually lived in Colorado for a while I was in on Green Mountain I used to live on Green Mountain so Colorado is awesome is a great place Colorado our says thanks Matt you're right the thing he is he wanted to keep seeing me and was putting effort in spending time but why did he say yes then no he could just say no and be honest well you have to remember right like we we all might feel something or we might think something and it might be you know in the moment right because we all do that we all do that women do that guys do that everybody does that right so you might say something and you don't mean it you ever said something and you didn't really mean it or you said something you look back at and you're like ah that was stupid that I said that right we all do that right he might have seen you and thought man yeah I want to be committed to her and then went home and you know started remembering all the past times together and you know was like oh well I don't want to go back to that right and that's why you have to scramble you have to scramble what's going on in the past and create a new future for him to look forward to Char says sometimes a woman will love a guy a bunch but so insecure she doesn't see her value and will unintentionally mess things up know your value yeah absolutely I I agree with that one know your value know your value know how much you are about you okay I don't know I don't know what I'm doing anymore I don't know okay maybe I do know maybe I do know clear says he chased five months in he ended it wouldn't tell me the truth why I'm devastated sounds like there are some red flags that you're missing there Claire Katie says you say to have abundance and don't hook up which is good sounds great but my question is a lot of times is when we as women talk to guys a lot of them don't just want to be friends so I'm not sure what your question is here Katie they don't want to be friends yeah I mean of course they don't want to be friends they absolutely don't want to be friends and you don't need to you shouldn't tell them that they're just going to be your friends right because if a guy thinks that he's just going to be friend zoned if he thinks he's just going to end up in the friend zone he's not going to want to he's not going to want to continue pursuing you he's going to be like oh okay cool well I need to go find somebody that's romantically interested in me and he'll leave and go talk to women who have some kind of romantic interest in him so you can have a romantic interest but not hook up with a guy right you can tell him that you want to have a romantic relationship but that you want to be sure that he's the right guy and you want to get to know each other and go slow and you know um make sure that you're the right fit and talk to him about all the important things that you guys need to talk about and you know if he decides that he wants to step up and be the right guy for you then he can step up and be the right guy for you and if he doesn't then he won't right and so what you're looking for is commitment because anything previous to commitment is just dating right that's what everything is before commitment before he looks at you and says you are the one and only that I want to be with I don't want anybody else let's do this together and whether your commitment involves a ring or whether it doesn't because some women don't want the ring some women don't want to get married but some women do and so regardless you don't want to settle for anything less right some there's a trap that a lot of women there it's a trap right there's a lot of women that get into this trap where they get into the exclusivity thing right it's like they're so excited about this guy who wants to be exclusive with them which you know is is definitely a good thing especially if you're going to be hooking up with a guy however however exclusivity is not commitment it's not the same thing and it doesn't mean it does not mean exclusivity does not mean that things are moving towards commitment it does not mean that okay and you have to remember that right and women and men both do this right where they'll look at somebody and they'll be like I want you to be exclusive with me because they don't want you hooking up with other people or dating other people or getting taken by another person and so they will put you in the trap right it's a trap right you don't want to be stuck in the trap and the trap is that you get in stuck in this exclusivity thing you think it's moving towards commitment he never does and then you end up wasting a lot of years of your life right and it's the same thing with boyfriend girlfriend a lot of women want that label it's fine whatever it's not necessarily moving towards a committed relationship and guys know within six to eight months they're they've done studies on this they've done extensive research on this and guys know by the six to eight month mark whether they want what kind of a relationship they want with you they know exactly what kind of relationship they want whether it's commitment in marriage whether it's friend with benefits whether it's you know just friendship whether it's nothing whether it's you know dragging around and you're not getting what you want they know by the six to eight month mark guaranteed what kind of a relationship they want they might not move towards it right especially if they have some mental or emotional issues or whatever and they want that but they know and so my suggestion is that you don't waste time with these guys and exclusivity and you know friendship we totally like we totally went off on a tangent here katie but my the point is is that of course they don't want to be friends with you they absolutely don't want to be friends with you and they're not going to want to be friends with you one of the biggest pains that a man can experience is being put into a friend zone with a woman that he wants to be with right it's the same pain for a man to be put into a friend zone with a woman he wants to be with as it is for a woman who wants commitment with a guy that she's hooking up with it's this exact same pain right you're looking at him and you're thinking about how amazing it could be but they're not committing right he's looking at you and thinking about how amazing it could be and you know your babies and commitments and relationship and marriage or whatever but you don't want to hook up with them and so it's the same it's the same it's a very similar pain it's not exactly the same but it's very similar right and so yes men don't want to be your friend absolutely and they they well i mean you can say they should or shouldn't but it's it's one of those things right he can get stuck in that place forever right just like you can get stuck in the friend with benefits noncommittal place forever and he doesn't want that katrina says to be honest pushing them away is easy you don't even realize you're doing it as you're so used to being single that you don't open or give them room in a relationship yep you can do that you can do that mule mule negah says how do i get an x who's moved on back well you kind of have to start from scratch there mule and you know it depends on what you meant by mean by moved on right i've had over the last week i've had three women message me about married men three women i've had three women message me in the last seven days about married men the first one was this woman who is like she's in a relationship and there's some married guy trying to hook up with her and she's like well should i start dating this married guy and then the second one was this woman who has been seeing this married man and she told him he told her that he didn't want a relationship or he told her that he was single and then before they started dating he told her that he was married and then she dated him anyway and now he's going back to his wife and she's like what do i do you know and i can't remember what the third one is but you know if that's that's not the point of your message but i have no idea what moving on means to you and so you have to tell us what moving on is because if he's married or in another relationship that's going to be really really difficult and if it's not then what you need to do is pretend like it's the beginning and connect with him in a way that you would if it was the beginning lisa says i'm in a long distance he doesn't want to see others i noticed early on he was complimenting girls on their looks but not on my pics he said that would make him vulnerable if he did that with me right because yeah i mean it makes him vulnerable if he talks to you about you with his look i mean it's one of those things where i don't know i don't know i'm not sure i really buy that lisa i'm not sure i really buy that lisa i mean you have you have this guy and early on he was complimenting girls on their looks but not on my pics first off i would just recommend not not looking at people's social media right social media has it like destroys people's minds and it is driving people crazy and it is making people do crazy things and think about things that they wouldn't normally be thinking about and getting them all worked up about stuff that they shouldn't be getting worked up about you know the real question is how is he treating you don't worry about your pics on a social media site worry about how does he treat you as a person you know is he treating you the way that you want to be treated and if he's not that should be the question that you should be asking yourself you know is this something that i really want to be in and stop making it about some pics that he commented on early on and dating of somebody else and not you don't just don't put yourself in that situation don't be there lisa don't be there all right that's it um if you want to check out my irresistible text program you can check it out commitmentconnection.com forward slash text and thank you everybody for being here i really appreciate it uh you are the best part of our community so thank you so much for being with me here and allowing me to be a part of your journey so it was great speaking with you today i gotta get going but uh i hope you have a wonderful day and i will speak with you again soon and always remember you are worth it