 The speakers, come on. It's all up. This time it's already all. Tech support is way ahead of us. You may fool tech support once but not twice. Welcome. Good morning. Great that we all can come together this morning because it's such an intimate day yesterday. It's always best once the nut cracks open it's easier to get to what's inside. So however long it takes to crack the nut open it doesn't matter. It's precious to get to what's in our hearts. So we all felt strongly to come today to be here with all of you. And just to open it up to your experiences and the calling of your heart. Nothing more precious than using time in this way to bring yourself into that peace and stillness. Life was never meant to be dramatic. At first it's hard to believe that but actually in the end it's the truth. And all of us are in the process of taking steps that are coming to us internally. I think we could be a reality TV show if people knew the comments and the language we share they would have such a good laugh. Walking over this morning Jenny said to Jason your wife was so helpful to me last night. And Jenny said to Jason that your wife was so helpful to me last night. And then hell on the birth of the laughter. It doesn't take a joke or anything it's just... Just the word wife sometimes. Yes, remember to laugh. We'd love to open it up. If anybody has anything they want to share. Actually this laugh and this cheerfulness is very... I like it very much. Because it opens everything. It's not like this cheerfulness opens up to hear your inner voice actually. Enjoy to be cheerful. I would like for you to tell them about what they did something. Actually yesterday because the guy he always went to the past and made corrections and then another correction and other. Actually on this retreat I was also through all these happenings and thoughts coming up and talks and everything. There came a lot of old memories in my mind. Very concrete it wasn't like it was very... And I saw the whole picture from the front of me. It could be days, it could be whole I don't know month or all these feet. Very concrete like he saw. And then I noticed I don't have to make any corrections actually. I just saw them and even if I'm in these my films I had pain or something. But then it's just all these left it was just a film and I just looked at the film and somehow I was happy to have this film. And sometimes I could make new experience here. And it was I was free to enjoy. Yeah I'm glad you're sharing that because it's that's really getting to the essence of forgiveness. And of course in miracles Jesus says forgiveness is quiet. And does nothing. It just looks and waits and watches. And it's just a film. And does nothing. It just looks and waits and watches. And judges not. So when you come to the point of trying to practice a course in miracles to miracles in the truest and deepest way you are going beyond the concept of levels evolution and beyond the new age of teachings of you create your own reality because of course in miracles there's not teaching that you create your own reality is teaching that God created reality and the most you can do is accept reality exactly as it already is. So what seemed to be a step in the right direction was the ability to manifest and use the power of thought. To make good memories instead of bad memories. To make better memories. To make good memories instead of bad memories. But now we're starting to see that all of the memories are a block to the awareness of God. The good ones and the bad ones. Many people believe that they have come to earth that the world is their oyster and basically they're to try to use what's there to make the best memories possible. And the good memories are seen as needing to offset the terrible bad memories. But this will never work. In the old days they used to take photographs and wait for the pictures to be developed and be happy if the pictures turned out good and angry and upset if they wasted their memories and money on the pictures that weren't even there Nowadays with digital phones and cameras people take lots of pictures they have photo overload and they have to keep deleting and letting go of some really good pictures because there's no more room for the pictures. But for lasting peace we have to be able to stop trying to make good memories. And many people may say what's the point of life if I can't even make good memories anymore? We have a little teaching movie we have called Time's End and the main character is tormented by his wife's death. He just can't get over the grief and really he can't get over the thought that those good memories are gone forever. He's turned very dark and pessimistic but his healing only comes when he sees that the good memories and the bad memories are the same. On a surface that can seem absolutely ridiculous but good memories are positive judgments and bad memories are negative judgments. And the positive and the negative are all part of the same continuum of judgment. If you ask a person on the street which one is better, a compliment or a criticism? Most people will say well I'm sane and rational and I will tell you a compliment is better than a criticism. But actually they are the same. And when you are able to see them as the same, you can see them as the same. And the negative and the negative are all part of the same continuum of judgment. And the negative and the negative are all part of the same continuum of judgment. You will be free of guilt forever. Compliments that are aimed at form are part of the self-concept that the ego made. And if you want proof of that, you can some of you remember the Bible. The Gospels. I would read the Bible, they gave me a Bible where the words of Jesus were in red letters. Everything else was black but Jesus's words coming out were always in red. And I didn't particularly like to read ever, so I just read the red words. I said this is a big book, it seems like the end of the book is the most interesting. And the red words are the most interesting, so I just read the red words. And I would notice when I would read the red words, I would notice there was this presence behind the words that was so loving and so transcendent. And so basically you have the apostles and Jesus living together and you get to hear about his teachings and their life together. But the red words were never typical human dialogue. Jesus was like, James, how do you like the fish? Oh Peter, I like that hairstyle. Mary, where did you get that bracelet? The red words had none of the chatter of human interpersonal talk. Instead it was before Abraham was, I am. I am the way, the truth and the life. I am the way, the truth and the life. I am the resurrection and the life. It was like eternity speaking. So I began to watch the red words and I thought, Jesus never compliments the apostles once. And when I was reading the red words, I saw that Jesus does not compliment the apostles. Where did he say, no one compliment the apostles? John, the color is good on you. But also not one single criticism of the form. If he made any commentary, he was talking about their soul. How to free their soul from these crazy beliefs. And even when he talked about the scribes and the Pharisees, he was giving us a teaching on the ego. And saying, don't waste your time to go in that direction. We'll profit you nothing. He wasn't criticizing the people. He was saying, join me in everlasting life. So I had other people that would read the red words sometimes too and they'd say, this one I don't like. When he said to the young man, follow me. And the man said, that's good, but I can't right now. I have to go and bury my father in the next town. And Jesus just said, don't waste your time to go in that direction. And Jesus just said, let the dead bury the dead. So people would say, I don't like those red words. They said, why shouldn't he be a little more kind with this man? His father just died and he wants to bury his father. It only may take a few days or a week for the funeral and everything and then he can come back and follow you. I said, no, these are not harsh words at all. This is coming from eternity. It's saying, come return to eternity right now. Join me now in everlasting life. We don't have a week to wait. The kingdom of heaven is at hand. And even though he didn't say it, I could feel it, that it is eternity speaking to you now. Give up this crazy belief in death because it's holding you back from eternal life. And we don't even have an instant to waste. I am calling you out of the world. If you hear my message, leave everything behind. Don't even look around your house and see if you want to grab a memory or a cherished object. Just come right out of the door right now. So for me, behind the red words was not only eternity. But there was a sense of immediacy. I wouldn't even say urgency. You don't have to waste another moment. Feeling good. Feeling good. Feeling good. Feeling good. Feeling stuck in this world. So in A Course in Miracles, Jesus says, you may wonder how you'll ever find yourself in this world. And he says, if you have this thought, just ask yourself one question. Who is the I that's living in this world? You can never find yourself in a dream because the ego made the dream. And you're not the ego. The ego is a creature of time, it believes in time and space. And every identity of this world is rooted in time. So there have been times where people ask me, well, what about you? You're still here in the world. And I say, am I? You're still here in the world. And I say, am I? I don't feel that way. I don't feel located. When I went to Argentina, they asked me about my president. Because there were bombs dropping and they were very angry. I told them, I have no president. I have no president. I have no president. I have no country. And in a few minutes we all were singing John Lennon's song, Imagine. Even in Argentina, they all knew the words in English. Imagine there's no country. I wonder if you can. Yeah, we were singing. We were happy. That was the last question about countries or politics. We had too many important things to discuss. Even though there were riots out in the street. One time I went to a city in Iowa in the United States. And the Mississippi River had gone over its banks. The three quarters of the town was under water, the buildings. And as I was flying in, I saw this massive water. I was flying into a massive flood area. But the people picked me up at the airport. They took me to a dry building. But we all were dry. We were all dry. And I did like a three-day retreat. I had to go to the airport. I had to go to the airport. I did like a three-day retreat. For three days I said, ask me anything. We talked about sickness and death. Separation. Relationships. Perception. Guilt. Shame. But in three days no one asked me about the water. They knew the water floods will recede and eventually it will dry up. And we're not going to waste one minute with David talking about water. That's the kind of urgency that you have to cultivate in your heart. Because you're worth it. Because this is about escaping from time and experiencing the present moment. Jesus says in the Course, can you imagine what it's like? To be calm and quiet all the time. But that is what time is for. But that is what time is for. To learn just that and nothing more. You don't have to learn a damn thing about this world. Analysis will get you nowhere. And even processes of synthesis are still implying that there's some process that must occur. Even with the idea of synthesis, like integrating, it still implies that there is a process that must occur. But this presence is prior to all processes. It's much more accurate to say, just drop it or stop it. Put your willingness and your desire to just cease to participate in the thoughts of time. And surely you have some of the same questions that I had. Because of course the miracles came into my life when I was in my 20s. A time when you're supposed to be building a career. Having a family. Carving out your position in this world. Adapting and adjusting to time. Becoming a well-adjusted human being. Jesus doesn't want a well-adjusted human being. Becoming a well-adjusted human being. Jesus doesn't want a well-adjusted human being. What good will that do in eternity? How practical is that in eternity? So this is a presence that's calling you to leave the path behind. Like you all did in that angel bath yesterday. That was probably the most surprising thing, the lack of resistance to love. To say, oh my God, this feels great and I didn't do anything for it. It might have had a moment of hesitation, but you stepped right through that. It felt how easy love is. How natural love is. How you don't have to prop it up or do something to make it be what it is. You might have had a moment of hesitation, but you stepped right through that. You said, I received, I allowed myself to receive the love. That little bit of allowance, so much. So that's really what you have with the opportunity with all of us here. We've all had the same kind of past. We had schooling, we had conditioning. We went through relationships. That's why we have a laughs when she hears the word wife or husband. Because it's just a concept. It can be a serious concept or a very funny concept. Depending on your state of mind. But this is the opportunity to start to look honestly at what concepts am I still holding onto. This is the moment when you can really start to look at what concepts am I still holding onto. It was a very intense time. And that was so transparent. Just step right in in the middle of the retreat and say, here's what's going on in my mind. Because underneath that is, I want peace in my heart and I'm worth it. I want to experience a love that will never end. What state of mind could look upon a marriage or a divorce with the same presence? You weren't here but Helma described how she and her husband bought a divorce cake. And they joined hands to take the knife together and have a piece of cake, a divorce cake. And they filled out the divorce form on the internet and pushed the send button together. And they filled out the divorce form on the internet and pushed the send button together. It was a very surreal scene because in marriages, people often times the bride and groom will take the knife together and cut the cake together. And the whole marriage ceremony is everybody's joining together and witnesses and so forth. And it's, let's do this together, let's go on this journey together. But how wonderful we're seeing now that marriage is not a beginning and divorce is not an ending. Birth is not a beginning and death is not an ending. There is an underlying continuity of the high end presence that is always with us. Closer the breathing, because it is our very self. And that is the only point that is worth dealing with in the dream, is waking up from the dream. It's the only point worth any effort in this journey. So if somebody listens to you and they go, what is the point, you say, to wake up? The only question that is valuable to ask yourself is what is the purpose? Even with marriage, the only question that is valuable is what is it for? And at every point you should be able to ask yourself, is this taking me in the direction of healing and awakening? Jesus is not big on form. He's not interested in the form of the marriage. He's interested in the content. Is it an experience of love and union? Or is this holding me back? Am I playing out some past belief? Day after day. Feeling I'm stuck and I can't change. And it takes great self honesty. All of us have had to ask that with our relationships, with our community. Why would you even stay unless you had a purpose for it? And the purpose is forgiveness. Seeing the false is false. Imagine new wedding vows. Do you take this woman as your wife? Imagine new wedding vows. Do you take this woman to see the false is false? And do you take this man to see the false is false? Until you transcend all of human perception? And wake up to eternal life? The question wouldn't be, do you love him or her? Not even if you will love them in the future. That's a trick too. Because love is not in the future. Love is not in the future. Can you commit and be honest and say, I love you now? There's a part in the course, a section called the immediacy of salvation. Where Jesus said, future loss is not your fear. He says your real dread is present joining. And you could observe this perhaps with the angel bath. The love is so deep and so involuntary. And just observe that part of your mind that goes, this is dangerous. The ego is afraid of being gone. Like if you give yourself over to this love, there will be no more ego. All defenses, all protections will have to drop because it's a love. So we're really here to encourage you to take whatever steps are on your heart. And part of that is the Spirit just gives examples from our lives of how we've let things drop and fall away. And we're grateful. We're not filled with regrets. Filled with all kinds of concerns of the future. It's a very content and simple life. Of course it's available to all of us because that's what the red words are about. Can I ask now? This is the last thing I want to do. And this is exactly why I'm doing it. This is exactly why I'm doing it. The ego tells me that do not open your mouth so you will not reveal how stupid you are. It's so difficult to open my mouth when there's so many of you and it looks like a jury. It's much easier to speak to a private in a small room. We all know, yes. I don't really know what I'm trying to say but maybe it's about this angel path that we talk about this angel. When I was told what it means, it didn't feel difficult. It was very easy for me to touch others. Oh, I can touch people to different parts of their head, for example. And I touched them in a way that I knew that felt good for me. It has felt, for example, when me and my husband we touch each other. I touched the last angel that I didn't know what it felt like. But then I realized that I had limits. And then realized that I couldn't whisper or say anything to anybody. That was too scary. When I started to use my time to stop walking in the park, I felt that it was very difficult for me to talk to anybody. And then I realized that I couldn't whisper or say anything to anybody. That was too scary. I felt insecure. And I was thinking that how fast am I supposed to walk or do I know how when to stop and so on. In the beginning I realized that I was somehow... somehow disappointed. It didn't feel as good as I had wished and assumed. And I was kind of measuring of all the touches and what they were. I was more relaxed. I didn't know what happened but when I kept on walking a little bit further then I became more relaxed. And when Janne spoke that you are a love I realized that it felt very good. I felt that those words felt really really good. Later on I thought that I was somehow in judgment to myself that I didn't know how to read. That how people touch me and how they touch others. This is the first time I came to that point. And also how someone, for example, when Mirka was so... he was so self-conscious when he was walking. He was so joyous and happy when she was passing through the angel bar. I didn't really think that much about that later but it just popped into my mind now that we were speaking of it. And that same time I remember in the morning at the breakfast table. And when we had this discussion it was Aira and me and Antti. We are talking about that it's okay that all these emotions rise but the important thing is that Aira brings guilt to that emotion that rises. That was stupidness number 36. There was one event that came into my mind yesterday when David was... David was talking about what came into my mind when you were speaking yesterday. When you were speaking all that Jesus is with us when whatever happens to us in our life. I will tell you an example if you think about it. I was in the hospital at the end of the week at Nitsa. In the end of June I was going to Nitsa in France for one week. And I live in Seirauke which is in the middle of Finland. And I went to Helsinki in June and I got my son and his wife to live there. And they weren't at home. I had told them to open the door before they got there. I was not there so I was given a key so I could go and spend the night in their apartment. I spent the night there and in the morning when I was gathering my things I noticed that there was a scale there. I had a Baltic air flight where you can only have 8 kilos so then I started weighing my things that I have and too much weight. So I took my luggage to their bedroom where the scale was and then started weighing. And then my friend came and I tried to put everything in there. Then I was told that I would open the door when I left. And then we agreed that I would leave the key inside when I go. Then I put my backpack and my handbag here. And then I go outside, close the door and start walking downstairs. And then I realized that my luggage was inside the apartment. So I had my luggage behind locked doors and I didn't really have much extra time. So I had to catch the flight. Then I got the knowledge that their landlord is living next door. It was a quarter past seven in the morning. Then I knocked on the doorbell. No one came. I called second time. Then I started beating the doorbell. And he comes in a grove. So I told him that I had told my son that their landlord is open. So I told him what happened and that my son had told me that he had the key to his apartment. And then he told me that he had given the key to my boy. So he told me that he had given the key to my boy. And he told me that he had given the key to his son, to be given to his mother, to her. So she actually had the key. So the landlord did not have a key. He said that downstairs there is a message board where you have maintenance companies. I made his number. So just go and call there and then someone will come up in the door. So I called and there was a kind of man who went. So then he came in ten minutes without the bicycle and came out of the door. And I cried really well. But I had a great regret after what I had done and thought that I had done. I had a great amount of guilt afterwards about what I had done. I was bothering the landlord's morning of privacy and peace. And I told him that my son had given the key to my son. And that the landlord is very angry with my son and his wife about the door. And I was thinking that the landlord is very angry with my son and his wife about the door. And all these kinds of mothers walking around here and doing these kind of things in the morning and so on and so on. And as I was walking to the airplane, I called Katja, who's my friend of mine, and I was telling the story and so I was relieved. It made me feel better. But why am I telling this story? You said that Jesus is with us in everything. Yes. And then... Is he also with us that we leave him inside the song and get these experiences? Yes, this is what we talked about, about the practicality of the miracles. It will take a lot of miracles to convince you of this presence that is already in there. We are told there are many answers you have received but have not heard. So when this apparent separation from God or fall from grace seems to occur, the whole pathway back to God was given in one instant. Even though it seems to take millions of years to play out in time. So we all have had experiences like you are describing, because that's very common for human beings. We all have had experiences like you are describing, because that's very common for human beings. Being locked out of a house or a car or having obstacles seemingly come in front of you as you are going towards your direction. Needing a key or needing a specific information we have to come into the habit of prayer and receptivity because the answer is always available but of course the ego doesn't want you to hear the answer. It doesn't want you to hear the guidance of the Holy Spirit in Jesus it's purpose is to maintain a sense of isolation and separateness. And so as you practice it takes willingness over and over to stop and pause. And remember that this whole point of everything is this inner listening. And for me those miracles that I've experienced are so convincing when the answer is just allowed to be received. Because the ego always speaks first and the ego is very guarded and closed. What Jesus is really offering us is an entire different perspective on the whole cosmos. Really everything of the cosmos is contained in one instant. But when it's split up into separate people, separate events, separate times it seems to be very long. One time the scribe of the Course in Miracles, Helen Shuckman was with Jesus and they seemed to be flying around in a very high rate of speed flying in the mind. And she happened to glance down and she saw her entire life. The life of Helen Shuckman was just this tiny little blip. And she happened to glance down and she saw her entire life. The life of Helen Shuckman was just this tiny little blip. She almost flew by it and she almost didn't notice it. So it's a vast perspective, a vast way of seeing the whole world. But we approach that by being willing to listen and follow what is given us. Just one moment at a time. So it's easy, the ego always looks back and judges situations. It always has hypotheticals like if I only had a member in the luggage and it does that with everything, with relationships, with jobs. It's always if only, if only. But the addiction is the hypothetical thinking. Thinking that there are so many possibilities when there's really only one coming down to our knees and being shown there is just one way back to the truth. But it has to come to us in a way that's meaningful. We have to see that heaven is a decision and we have to devote our mind to making that decision. In reality heaven is not a decision. But for a mind that's sleeping and dreaming of separation heaven has to take the form of a correction. Sin is only an error to be corrected. It has no permanent consequences because it wasn't created by God. So we're just opening to follow the guidance and receive the correction. And as you practice you become more lighthearted with all of this. You're not hard on yourself, you can observe the thoughts go by. Like with the angel bath. Just observe. I was still measuring and analyzing. Interesting. That's like a learning experience. But you're learning your innocence. You're coming back into that pure state of mind. So thank you, thank you for sharing that. You're sharing your steps. And nobody thinks you're stupid. Can we have a small practical? Sure, that's practical, I like that. Okay, very good. We'll return. The question was, maybe the audience is asking the answer. It's like something worse than the online version. Is there anything to do with it? And you said just simply watch and it's enough. I like the first question. It's a really long question. It seems like my communication makes it more important. I think it's just good not to hold back. It's like popping the bubble between what seems to be a private or concealed thing or a public thing. That's just a bubble, thin film. So transparent that there's no difference there. In that sense, there's no trying to keep. People always say, I'm feeling very emotional, but I've got to keep it together. And I would say, keep what together? What are you keeping together? And it was taking a look at that. What is it that you keep together? Or what is there to maintain? But you're going into the experience of saying to Christ, show me that. Take me there and show me. I would like to save it. She just said that if somebody wants to have these recordings that he made, a copy of them, then he has recorded them in a way that he has the dates and the time marked. So he would need to know the dates and the morning session, Wednesday, for example. If you want to have a copy of it, then he can send the copy of the recording to anybody once. Okay, beautiful. That's good. And I'm putting mine up on Spreaker too. So I usually put it by topic, like if we have a topic going on, talking about community. It's great. Thank you for recording, because it helps to hear these recordings. At some point I would like to say something. Very good. And then after you say what you're going to say, we will start. You've been very patient. And the patient is exactly what I came here to get. And also faith and trust that this work that I've been doing sometimes surpassed through it. Now I have the situation like I told yesterday that my husband has moved out. We are still in good contact. And we can take care of children and there's no drama in that sense. But I feel that I'm really alone. And I know that it's of ego. Because in reality we really are never alone. But I've never cried so much as I have during this summer. And that I've been practicing forgiveness and of course miracles already for six years. And also I'm using this situation constantly for forgiveness. I have also a 14 year old daughter who hates me. And it's very good at expressing how bad mother I am. And there's another forgiveness lesson for me. I just graduated as a sexual therapist in June. And I think that sexuality is a great disease. And now I'm in a situation where nothing earthly gives me nothing. And all the time I'm just asking that I would remember God's love that I would remember. But nothing seems to happen. And now I need encouragement and a little bit help. Well the good thing that Jesus promises in the course of miracles is that you will not go on feeling this feeling of being alone. We are in contact with so many people all over the world that realize that they have a calling or a purpose that transcends this world. And a first step is verbalizing this like you've just done. Also now with the internet and there's so many symbols available through the internet. That it can be part of an acceleration of the awakening process. Even if you look back on the previous decades even with a topic such as dating you can see that now that communications and the internet has become involved in dating it has revolutionized the whole topic because the internet has become because people are finding all types of ways to connect in deeper ways. The internet was invented for military purposes and now the Holy Spirit and Jesus are taking it back for purposes of love and forgiveness The ego is trying to hijack it back to use it for distractions and isolation So what is it for? The purpose is again central but as you take these steps on this healing journey the witnesses to your desire for awakening will just start to flood into your awareness So I feel like that's a very practical way that you will transcend this feeling of loneliness Even all the tears that you've said this summer have been part of like a cleansing and a rinsing And your training in sexual therapy can be used by the Spirit very much as well As you come together with clients and just pray and say use me in the most helpful way And as you help people release their limits and their constrictions you feel with your mind easing as well Now your 14 year old daughter is providing a huge gift I always tell the story when I went to South America and got away from the big cities like Buenos Aires out into the country and a group of mothers came around me and they said our children are teachers the children are our teachers the teaching is so much I said can you summarize this what is the main teaching and they said the main teaching is you're done this game of superior and inferior is over now just because your body is bigger or you were born before me has nothing to do with our equality the role of mother and daughter and mother son is over and you're done give up and so this is like a primary lesson because your ultimate destiny goes beyond motherhood just as your daughter's destiny goes beyond being a daughter and as sooner we are able to transcend these roles and concepts and sooner we will be free of guilt and struggling in conflict teenagers can often be the fast track to undoing the authority problem so teenagers are very fast to undoing the authority problem way down deep in the mind far down in the subconscious is the belief that I can create myself any way that I want to be could be male, female, young, old Swedish, Finnish, American that is my menu to pick from and I can make myself any way I want to be and this is a great pain because it denies my spiritual reality as God created me so she is there in awareness as part of a very strong wake-up call it's like accelerated forgiveness when somebody is verbalizing that you're bad or you're terrible you've done wrong so she is there in awareness as part of a very strong wake-up call you really have to go inside and say do I relate to these things at all because if we have any fear or irritation, annoyance in our mind it will just get acted out and sometimes right in our face of course animals are very good for this as well they're just amazing mirrors so the most important thing is the feeling of connection, collaboration yeah I think there maybe some others want to even speak of all the opportunities there are to join in and connect in because our heart was really to have an experience and then to share and extend this experience to everyone and everything I just feel like there's something right there and I want to like burst and extend and stay with me the only thing that comes to my mind how can something that I feel in my mind I don't know what it is I just feel like there's something right there I feel it's been so helpful I'm just so ashamed for some reason it's like I don't have to live anymore it's not that anything that's ever helpful is wrong it's just that yeah it's just that at some point the whole ladder starts to fall away I mean we lose our reference point to the past and something inside of us just has faith and trust to just let it fall so just completely crack open and fall away and this is how it goes with Course in Miracles that it's just signpost and it's just pointing as we give ourselves mission to just let everything fall away as we give ourselves mission to just let everything go and when we turn back to look to the past for our solutions even our picture of how our life has gone it all just starts to fade away and fall through our fingers but this is important because you're not hiding or holding anything it's just relax and be transparent it's not that you don't know how to live it's just you don't know how to live from a past reference point and everyone knows there's lots of darkness that gets exposed but the forgiveness is just bright light it's just come to me look past everything look past everything even in your marriage with Kirsten you would reach points where you couldn't see the solution to the conflict like all of your past learning couldn't solve the riddle and then it keeps happening in our perception the form of our relationships keeps shifting and the prayer of our heart is just Jesus show me the way make this known to me why do I keep receiving people asking me if they're right or they're wrong I feel so bad if I don't tell them I think it's the undoing of this idea even in the end we have to let go of trying to help people and be helped in our soul and in our mind because even trying to help people will have subtle expectations tied into it can I just be quiet like right can I just say no yeah, Bill Thetford that was his best way to enlighten me but you are worthy of that you are worthy of being the observer it's like a way of transcending all the roles that came before that the presence of love in your heart is the gift whether there's words spoken or not scientists know that everyone around you there's such love and appreciation for you and you just have to receive that and allow that it's washing away this old belief that I'm only worthy if I do something to deserve it it's somehow my worth depends on being competent or skillful if you know that in harmony you would be rich or rich and these are the relationships that the ego has built in this world I'll do this for you if you'll do this for me I'll stay with you as long as you keep doing this for me but if you don't do what I want then I'll find somebody else and you can leave these are like little ego bargains and contracts and then somebody breaks the bargain and that's the end of the bargain but this has nothing to do with love love asks for nothing it just wants to give up itself so this is a beautiful time of self discovery where you step back from the roles and trying to uphold any kind of image and even with mind training you just focus on what am I feeling right now what am I feeling that's your one barometer just being honest with how do I feel right now regardless of appearances appearances cannot make me feel anything all going on inside so it's beautiful this is the authentic inner journey and just as we were sharing you'll be loved and supported for whatever you seem to need that's okay he doesn't want to help anyone anymore yeah it's angry I don't think I actually I have this example David he talked about our animals because I got a dog not too long ago that second dog and she's called Svea she's three years old when she came to me and she bit she was biting the funny thing is that I had felt her ever since last year I have felt her she was announced in an ad that she needed a new family and it wasn't until just recently that I received her hundreds of people wanted to have her but they said that they wanted me to have her and she came at the perfect timing just one week before a Holland tour it sounded crazy but it was the perfect timing I was joining with Nikolini and she succeeds via biting and bring it back to her mind where she was biting and then a little bit later we left her at a kennel where she got to be with many more dogs so she doesn't like dogs so she got to heal that as well there she got to heal that and she got back with Angel and her back to us again and she got to be with Angel and the other dog was Angel so the other dog was Angel so both me and Angel they were completely different when they came back and it took the forgiveness of Nikolini before the tour when she almost stopped biting before the tour and then in the collaboration of the meeting just as she had opened up her heart and then continued joining with her and continued opening up her heart together and then Sandy she came and Sandy she started petting both of the dogs without wanting to pet them she got angry with the dogs because she was compromising so she was doing an action that she didn't feel from the heart so she said I want to stop that and I said yeah why aren't you why are you petting the dogs and she's like yeah why am I so she stopped and that's when she could have gone up her heart to Sviya so one morning I was watching them and I was like wow and she's like yeah I forgave Sviya and there was this love bubble together and then she felt that Angel was too needy that she would go just if we would be just some meters away and she felt so needy and then she would go oh my own neediness I need to look at that so she brought that back to her life and then she just felt all this love for Angel so she allowed herself in every step of the way of just whatever she was feeling and not compromising just what you were talking about yeah we're learning we don't have to compromise we don't have to compromise we remember you about the Angel about the Angel boss yes I realized that when it was just starting that I felt that how can I escape I was the first one to pass really excited I said oh there's the door I could just run I was thinking what would people think if I would just run out I realized that it went very quickly and I thought very quickly and at the end of the day it was a little bit like I didn't know or felt I could relax so it was the same in my life that it is very difficult for me to receive love and usually when I feel that the love is coming close to me I push it away or I run it was just an observation how my experiences is mirror directed in this situation as well in the same emotion I just wanted to change it and the other thing I realized when I was doing the translation I'm afraid of listening to those although I listen from speaker I listen to many of your stories and I thought that I wouldn't dare to listen to my own translations I'm afraid that I'm doing some mistake or something and I realized that I'm making comparisons with the other guy I decided to open up because I thought that I would be a compromise if I'm not sharing this beautiful courageously stepping forward like that that's it that's it I want to say that I'm very happy that we have new translations here and they will work too it's such a joint effort our morning for courage helping the mask laying everything bare just out on the table that's a very essential part of healing is just to be able to talk about things and lay things out and people will say why is that so important when you open up and you share what's going on and you're willing to share it it's just a symbol that you're not going to hide it from the Holy Spirit because the only way you hold on to judgments is by hiding them first you have to believe that judgments are true then you feel guilty and ashamed for the thoughts and beliefs and the ego said you can't tolerate that push that out of awareness push it down and hide it it's like that cartoon the lion king little Simba was present when his father was killed in the herd and then his uncle Scar appeared and made a judgment a conclusion that you killed your father run, run far away because you've done this terrible thing so he left his family he left all of his friends and he goes into the forest to eat bugs and try to be happy with the bugs he called it akunamatada but he still wasn't with his family and friends he had to go back and face his shame and guilt before he could be truly free and feel the spirits akunamatada honestly, no cares, no worries so it's only by hiding these private thoughts that we keep them and by exposing them we're really giving them back to the Holy Spirit who takes them immediately and they're gone forever so we don't have to hide anymore we don't have to run away and it's okay to go back in our own mind and find the light we don't have to distract ourselves with all these images all the stimulation and noise we don't have to be afraid of the quiet we aren't going to die in the quiet we're just going to sink we are the collaboration again it's a total collaboration comparing myself to others that's exactly right you guys are great with this this is not one minute okay, how are we doing? I guess, is there more to come? I just would like to say to Jason that I also feel like I don't know anymore how to live in my life I actually have never known how to live my life being just a struggle trying to figure it out and I haven't even been able to tell myself what to do right or wrong can you do something? I want to stand in the middle and have everybody come around yesterday was an angel bath this is called the love puddle it's dropped in the middle of the love puddle