 The David Feldman radio program is made possible by listeners like you. You sad pathetic humps Well, this is a very very special episode of the David Feldman show the world's smartest man is with us in our lovely studio here Not to be contentious, but it's the smartest man in the world. What did I say in the world's smartest man? I'm a Mel Brooks catch when I'm on your show The two thousand year old smartest man well help me out because I'm I just got off the phone Doing a bit so my I'm a little frazzled. I see world It's hard for you to get back to the real world when you're in character because of your craft and your commitment What my show is called the smartest man in the world the podcast smartest man in the world But you can call me the world's smartest man if you like well you are thank you and Smartest man in the world Book. Yes, that's the name of the smartest book in the world the smartest book in the world I did I brand so far you're over to Felda that and that's Dan Pasternak and I need you To help me because I can't keep up with this man Greg Brooks I'll do the best I can Alex Bennett. Yes. Who is Alex? I'll expand it was a radio show host. He'd been around what New York, Texas all that jazz in the 60s And and then came to San Francisco. I presume in the Early 80s late 70s and then he had a show there that had all the comics on live every morning for what three hours The first hour was him with the news person then the second three hours of the last three hours of the show was comics live so you Warren Thomas Bob Rubin I me Matt Winehold of Mary and everybody. I remember doing it with everybody and Meeting because everyone who did a press junket that came through San Francisco did his show. So I remember meeting Excuse me. I remember meeting. Um, uh, uh, Mista Holland the movie director Dennis Farina Eric Stoltz I can think of a Donnie Osmond a Brit Eklund. I remember meeting was that all one show Yeah, yes. Well and what a show that was Donnie Osmond and Mista Holland and Brit Eklund is an unforgettable radio hour And so they you would meet all these other famous people that were coming through town as well as being with all the comics And and then whoever was playing in town. That was an out town headliner so he really promoted comedy in a huge way in the mid-80s in San Francisco and He didn't like me at first which he always brings up but then we got to be friends and He put on these live shows. So it'd be like me David Warren Alan what's his name? Alan from Texas he was one of the Kinnison guys Alan Steven Oh, it'd be like those kind of shows and there'd be four or five comics and everybody and everybody get high and You know Ruben be there whatnot and and he paid good money and that was the thing So if you did his show a bunch you could fill your club and those days there were ten full-time clubs in the barrier You know and three in San Francisco. So you really great name them No, oh golly. Well, there was the punchline the Holy City Zoo Cobbs the improv opened later and then in the East Bay. There was Tommy T's There was a punchline in Walnut Creek as well There was to a club in San Jose that I don't think I ever played Rooster T feathers Rooster T feathers in Sunnyvale and They all went all the time Foo bars Foo bars Foo bars That's only three John's John's Club button that was in Martina's moved It was in one pleasant or pleasant pleasant in yeah, and they all went seven days a week or at least five days a week And so if you were playing like I remember I hosted Alex's show one week Cuz he was on vacation or something and I was playing Rooster T feathers And I filled the place every night because all you had to you were on for four hours a day And they loved when I would Guest host because I mentioned the call letters Alex never did the signature, right? He never went you're listening to the quake or whatever it wasn't or live 105 I guess it was at that point and I said it every two seconds so they were like that was a great show Right no matter what I did it was a great show cuz I got this great proofs on live 105 We'll be right back on live 105 and they were like oh my god Do you say the name of the station a thousand times and that's all we really want? Well, so what was Alex's psychology? He just was a professional curmudgeon who would bite the hand that fed him absolutely which doesn't exist anymore No, he was they would call it a shock jock I guess in those days, but he wasn't like Stern it wasn't very stripper although I've met a few porn stars on the show It wasn't that stripper porn oriented sit on a vibrator thing It was really way more about comedy and politics and and Stern admits that he learned a lot by listening to Alex on WPL J and WMCA and That's why Alex came to serious. I mean Stern was a was influenced absolutely and then Alex was always Yes, you say a curmudgeon if Stern got brought up on the show in the old days You know, I can't believe that guy and then he'd go off into a 15-minute tangent about how much he hated Stern Having said that Alex had a real conscience and he he was anti-death penalty was pro-choice for all of his purported, you know miss on misanthropy misanthropy and Misogyny on the air. He really wasn't a bad guy. He had a good heart and he was nice to us, you know He was nice us and he was and he's still alive by the way He's just talking to me because I'm in New York and I haven't called him. That's why I know he's pissed off at me but I'm going through a hard time and Having to talk to Alex when you're going through a hard We're all going out to rock away He I think he helped Bob Rubin probably more than any comic because Rubin when I first saw him was a bartender at the zoo And used to do awesome Conceptual routines which now would be considered a vaunt by the new wave of young comedians He would go I remember he plug it a hairdryer into the Sack the suck you remember this one He put a hairdryer into the socket on the stage at the Holy City Zoo and put the microphone in front of it And then get two flashlights out and just go like this like he's pulling planes in and He went from that to being a giant headliner in San Francisco off Via so much exposure on Alex's show his bits were known when you played with Bob people would scream out his beds And he could do interaction with the audience. I was always surprised that Ruben didn't get more traction in TV I remember Roseanne did yeah, the Saturday night special Saturday night special and I remember like Seeing these really inspired very conceptual pieces and I thought like someone's gonna you know when the show doesn't last is It seemed inevitable it wouldn't someone's gonna pick him up and use him as a Michael Richards kind of character in a sitcom or something because he had that kind of you know big Huge hard laugh kind of comedy by the way, that's Stan past your neck. It is you said that before I introduced you and you're responsible for Marin show and comedy bang bang and well if you want to use the word responsible I don't know whether you're crediting or blaming and you were one of Jonathan Winters closest friends Which I think is the most important thing to say about you that one I will accept an interview Jonathan and Help venerate him which is a something that we were talking about before you came in You were doing your comedy bit downstairs and had no time for us and That's what we were talking about was that that no one goes around like a ray. Oh, yeah, just died and Bob Elliot pardon me. I'm mixed very good with Bob Goes around and gets the old comics and just talks to them for hours He said he what was it Burrell you interviewed it Milton Burrell said Caesar Bob Newhart a lot of these guys have had Mostly for this project for the television Academy called the Archive of American television these expansive conversations that are You know several hours long great one with Bernie Brillstein a great one with George Slaughter. Yeah, and I mean, you know these these People and their stories are the foundation upon which I think we stand absolutely And they're a total resource and no one goes to the show business is so ratty that way I mean that's the brilliance of the podcasting is at least For better or worse, we're gonna have our say in this generation You only wish there was a podcast when Jonathan Winters was swinging because imagine his podcast each week If you just turned the mic on it would still be going right Podcasts, you know, I put them together with Marin and had a great WTF with Mark and Mark was great with them Yeah, our friend Kelly Carlin did a lengthy interview with them. That was great And then Overton had him on overview as well And I think that may have been the last one and the green room prevents. I had him on the green Well, yeah, I helped set that up for Paul and No, and Jonathan Absolutely destroyed and it was one of my it's probably one of my favorite days on the planet because it really was It was a beautiful moment for Jonathan not only to realize how beloved it beloved and respected He was but to also, you know show that, you know, the lion could still roar. He was great He was great on that the thing Dan and I had this conversation last August, but the the thing about Jonathan is People always talk about improv and all this jazz and I get asked about improv He's the greatest improviser of all time. He didn't need a group. He didn't need other people to tag him out He didn't need a premise He came on stage and did it and I remember interviewing about his albums and saying did you ever write down the thing? He went no, I improvised all these albums and you're like, this is astounding And he's the quickest the darkest the most satirical He had a hard edge that people don't really remember about him You know venal politician self-absorbed children horny old ladies He didn't actually he was cuddly because he looked so cuddly and he was lovable And that's how he got away with doing like murderous policemen as characters and stuff when so I put him up I mean Robin obviously because Robin was a force of nature and an extraordinary and his recall and his intelligence But if you want to just lay it down like who's the greatest improviser of all time I don't think there's any argument And and that counts second city and and every other great improv group when you say greatest I only mean that is the his originality the honor of being a true improviser and that Most other guys will draw from previous improv sessions. He was came or he didn't go into Everything was new. He might have had licks that he that he hit on again. I mean, you know, certainly characters I think the last time I saw him and Robin were some horrible benefit and Pasadena or something And he started doing the Indian chief, right? Like that and Robin went like this to him and Jonathan turned and went don't ever touch me Was Robin telling him not to go in no, no, he was simply performing with him on doing the thing and he went like that Now you are known to many for your improv skills. Yes and and And there's an example of it right there was that's how you do it Because I've got lucky and got on whose line a long time ago And I'm one of a kid came up to me the other night at a show in Oklahoma and he goes I want to make a living as an improviser. What advice can you give me and I had to You know stifle myself because I was like you're not going to make a living as an improviser It's like I said, I'm one of eight people that even comes close to making and I don't make my living I must stand up. I do lots of other stuff being there's no five-year plan to being That's not improvisation like I'm on it I'm on a TV show. That's the only improv TV show and now we're on our fourth year It's 26 years into this and it was pure luck at the beginning. You know what I mean? And or whatever you went to England. Yeah, and so what it was an English TV show So it was luck that I got on it luck that the people who got on it got on it But in terms of taking those improv skills, don't you feel that there are now more? opportunities In film and television for actors who are improvisers to bring those skills No question like Judd uses a lot of improvisation Look who he does and the entire cast of SNL and all the sketches are people all Of course, I think there's a lot of in Larry David, right There's a lot of room to do it and right Larry David improvised his ship. Well, I don't know I never did one of them, but if I had a writer like Larry David I wouldn't be improvising in front of them that much. You know what I mean? I would go like here. Can I have a line here to make this funnier? I Always felt like that. I Was the angry Jew and the baptism episode, right? So did you did you guys really improvise everything Larry didn't give people lines He he would let you improvise and then he'd say do it again But don't do that right now. How did how did you find your character? What were you drawing upon as? I don't know being a Methodist as you are a Methodist. Yes a Methodist doctor So he didn't he didn't give lines to people but he did you said, you know, this is your friend of Bob's and you are mad that he's Converting to Christianity and you want him to come back to the fold walk up to him and say something and I didn't know what the Fi was doing right, but Rick Overton. I think you know Rick Overton down gave me the greatest advice because you know how Constipated I am as an actor. He goes just whisper. I go what he says just whisper He says you'll you'll be able to improvise and it'll seem like acting and Now whatever yeah, I walked up to Larry and I said hey, I'd like you to speak at my daughter's butt Maybe much easier. Yeah, just whisper bring it down. Isn't that brilliant? Yeah, such a he's such a nurturing dude And it's such a key like thing to say to someone. Uh-huh. That's extraordinary. Don't don't be big. So with improv You've lived in both worlds very few comics overton does overton that Robin did Not that many but so I'm I just hate comics for some reason and comets hate improvisers and I understand both Why do you understand why comics? Here's my theory as a stodgy constipated stand-up who says to an audience? Here's my brick. Here's another brick. Here's another brick. Hang on I'm gonna pause for dramatic effect and another brick I Always feel that improv people are self-destructive because they're When they stumble into something absolutely brilliant, it's lost for the ages and I'm too greedy Just to come up with something that's absolutely brilliant and not be able to repeat myself That's not that I'm not saying I hate improv people. I don't understand it. Well, I mean There's two ways to look at the universe this way and the other way. No, I think with improv With improv there there's no finite limit to humor So like I improvise my podcast every week a good deal of it other than what I'm reading out of the newspaper And I did a big long thing last night that I don't remember because I was kind of high and If I go back and listen to it I could probably piece it together But I can never be bothered to go back and like write it all down I'd rather make it up on stage and then try to remember it and then work through it that way But I think the reason why most comics hate improvisers is they think well you're doing the same thing all the time and it's just crappy games and my favorite comment ever was why not prepare something funny and Which is true and then improvisers hate comics because they think comics are self Absorbed and I want to cut to the joke immediately and and don't honor the stage somehow or whatever And I don't agree with either of those. I mean, I think you can be funny both ways. Okay, so you're on. Yeah I mean the interesting thing is I Do feel because I sort of draw upon both groups for a lot of projects that I work on and I feel like This is an interesting Maybe I think an interesting thing to liken it to so my wife and I my wife is actually sitting here right now We talk about you know planning a vacation and do you want to go back to the place? Where you've been year after year because you know, you like it the place is comfortable. It has great food We know we're gonna have a good time or do you want to discover something new and exciting and goes to place? You've never been before and I think both are valuable great And so I think that that's the analogy that I think of when I think about okay, we know this is the laugh We know we're gonna get this laugh. We've road tested it and it's reliable But isn't the thing that's always the most exciting even for a karmic like yourself is that new piece of material that That thrill of the first time like wow it works and the discovery. All right, so Speaking to that you started with proofs and breakman And I give it you for and you were a brilliant comedy team Some of that was scripted, but I would assume a lot of that was improv We scripted everything and then I would start going off the script and that's when we had disagreements and then he ended up moving to LA I was living in we were in San Francisco He moved LA and then I was left on my own and so I floundered for year But then I joined an improv group and so I did improv for a couple of years And then I came back to doing stand-up and I found that after doing the improv I had a lot more I didn't want to get up alone I'd worked with a partner and I was really afraid that like I didn't think I could just hold the crowd by myself I like being in a group. I like being in a gang and I remember when you came back to stand I remember that I'm started as an opener again. Yeah, and I remember thinking he's not like no He's not gonna be able to do it. He doesn't have You know here or I'm certainly a couple of years ahead of him now because yeah Were you competitive back then you were a little right? I remember I was but I don't think I was in an asshole Was the San Francisco scene competitive? I think it was I was it healthily Healthily is that the I think it's more competitive than the New York scene because I've started at the beginning again I'm at square one. I'm rewriting my act. I'm getting a divorce. I can't you know in my act It used to be how much I hated my wife and my kids Because it wasn't true right now when I tell those jokes, right feels kind of true I was gonna say this is so close to the bone. Yeah, so now I'm writing a new accent I'm starting at the beginning and one of the things I'm noticing about New York is how A generous the entire scene is and if you make it I make it I don't think that's generational though I mean, I definitely felt because I bounced back and forth in the 80s between LA where I grew up and where I was based in San Francisco and I felt like I was one of the few people could sort of do that because Sort of the San Francisco scene hated LA and all the LA comics, and of course the LA comics didn't know Right didn't care. Yeah, it was always a one-way rivalry. It was always like the the relationship between Boston and New York, right? It was gonna be Boston. We hate New York and people in New York. Where's Boston, right? Is that near Philly? Yeah, you know being from LA It's like Marin's joke about his ex-wife who remarries and he goes so that's her game He's still thinking about her and she's off having a family, right? But at the time I really found the San Francisco scene to be You know very pure very artistically pure and I found that the intentions of The the scene the the people in the scene in San Francisco then when LA I think was very at that point was very about like Getting the tonight show and God bless you. God bless you. God bless you. God bless you. Dan past your neck I know right say that again about the San Francisco the intentions the intentions were pure You had to earn your stage time. You never took the stage time for granted and the goddamn gatekeepers in San Francisco Were murderous or snobs and if you didn't pass their muster you were not gonna get the stage time You know I never take stage time for granted because it's gold Also, nobody at that time in San Francisco to my knowledge or at least to my knowledge at that point had Representation so oh no only a few what Bob Fisher was one of the few managers taking around we had taxation though, right? But no relaxation. Yeah That's an expense there for just for you young kids. That's why Greg proofs is a big star and I'm not go He is the smartest man in the war or the world's smartest man if you're a circus actor or dyslexic Yeah, I think you're right about that and I think that do you think it held you back because I think I think yeah I think the purity I think seriously it was it was difficult. It was difficult to get into the regular world because you'd play in San Francisco Say for instance that Wonderland that was the other cafe in the 80s the one that was on Carl and Cole And you'd murder for the whole weekend and then you'd go on the road and do the same act And they would stare at you because you were too high concept. There was too many sub references. We were Violently opposed to any hackery and that was the biggest crime in San Francisco if you came from the South Bay or the East Bay And you were a hack then you got a lot of frosty attitude from all the San Francisco comics But if you were conceptual and intelligent and played above the crowd and did your own thing I mean, okay slow down hang on for one second for my benefit Because I'm not as smart as you and you're saying something that is just in my bones if you were conceptual and playing above the audience's IQ or Appealing to their better angel than you were celebrated in San Francisco, right? I mean like an Earl, right? So and so if you killed if you pulled into town and killed Right then and there you were suspicious Especially if you got too many laughs or the audience liked you too much The idea in San Francisco was always that the audience wasn't exactly your partner in comedy that you were going to present Them with to this thing and then they had to discern. Well, what I found about that audience It's interesting because I know this sort of circles back David to what you were talking about sort of the New York Scene right now is I felt it was a very literate comedy audience in San Francisco in San Francisco in the 80s I actually feel that the New York comedy audience is just as literate now No, but it wasn't it wasn't in the 80s. I wasn't here in the 80s I was only on the West Coast in the 80s, but I really did feel that Greg kind of like Another way to maybe say what you're saying is they appreciated authenticity more than funny Yeah, do you know what I mean? Like somebody like will derse to I'm still friends with to this day. It's like sometimes The stuff that derse right it's it's so smart and so clever But it's not necessarily like you're gonna bust a gut laugh sometimes it is and I think he's brilliant But I think that people just kind of went like wow He just kind of distilled that idea in the most efficient clever Anybody who did rap songs or anybody who did too much flu for a onstage or too much? How you do in tonight? In the 80s if you were a magician or a guitar act other than like Leland master that one or two venerated guitar action San Francisco Everybody kind of sniffed and was like, oh, I don't want to follow the juggler I'm a wordsmith for goodness sakes. I'm up here My act should be printed on brass tablets and everyone should have to look at them in the town square You know like I think there was a lot of that going on and I think that was the healthy part Yeah, tom Sawyer who I think it just doesn't get the credit the cubs Tom Sawyer was the san francisco gatekeeper. I still to this day feel like I've never lived up to his No, me neither me neither, you know, he used to say things to me like, you know You don't have to do the same jokes every time to open and I'd be like You know, right, but it's working Right, I mean tom was somebody who started when we did and then walked away from it to manage cops Thank god. He walked away. It wasn't a very good comic. I thought he was okay. He was a brilliant I didn't know he started as a comic. Oh, yeah No, he was a stand-up comic. Oh, he would I remember I uh, I want to get a physical Physical, I want to get a figure in your head and cough again cough again The other one is a brilliant impressionist. Yeah, tom Sawyer is a brilliant impressionist Vincent price like really wild impressions that no one else does. Yeah, it was it was it was very do them for you After hours when we're sitting around he brought Here's the thing that he did in san francisco. He would bring in acts from out of town Who nobody had heard of yet like kinnison? And this is going back to the standards uh rick overton brought jim carrey into cobs and Jim carrey Could not play san francisco because all he was Was an impressionist. Well, that's when he was doing his vegas act, right? Now by the way, and you know, you know the whole story of how he essentially tore the act to the ground Right. He did it at cobs. Well The interesting thing is kinnison was kind of the one who shamed him out of Doing that act which was killing for him. Yeah when mitzi had that room in vegas By the way, if you go back and watch Jim carrey's impressions, it was like a twilight zone episode. It was like he had made a deal with Oh, yeah, you're some task. I mean, it wasn't just vocal impressions. You would do face first during my favorite one It was beyond it was almost creepy. Yeah, it was so great And then they brought him up to cobs. I'm not gonna say cobs was per, you know Tom soya and rick overtome were personally responsible for the transformation, but he wasn't allowed to play san francisco With that mitzi vegas act He had to be changing but i'm telling you kinnison was the one because kinnison could get inside your head like nobody I've ever experienced in my life And kinnison was the one who kind of just scoffed at carrey went, you know, you're you're just an impressionist You're not a real comedian And that's when carrey threw out the act and literally went on stage with nothing and just built it from the ground up That's astounding. I mean, but those are the kind of standards that was in san francisco I mean, I worked there for a year as a house emcee at cobs They were the last club to headline me I was headlining everywhere else and he wouldn't Because he didn't think my act was up to, you know It's as smart as it should have been and then when I did headline for him He had lined me every year for a zillion years and gave me more money than any club owner I told him a couple years ago and he got very emotional like I wrote him this big long letter about how much he helped me and And how much I appreciated that it was no matter what I knew he was in my corner You know what I mean, and that means so much when you're a comic especially when you're young to have someone go I remember when he made me the house emcee because i'm going to give you a Week's work every month Wow, and you're like you were near an emcee you're like what, you know, and so I played with george wallace and Um, oh my god, not jeff stelson Oh, I can think of a million Greg travis yeah 80s comedians that came through san francisco and I hosted for all of them and uh He he he would give these terrible lectures to every comedian about how they were failing I never got a terrible one, but dana gulder and marisa dana gulder who's a genius And told him he wasn't living up to his potential, you know, and But I don't know that we needed it, but it was effective like I'm curious do tom Sawyer still exist That kind of that's the thing it's like when you go alex brazil, maybe I don't know how much you go on the road But like when you go to um When you go to a comedy clubs out in america There's no one tom was the owner bottle washer doorman. You know what I mean like he was standing there No one walked down to that stage that he didn't pass. I mean no one I remember when tom rhodes first came to san francisco. I said you should give this he's really funny indeed He I already worked with him a little so he put him up and he came over to me while tom was on 190 He goes he's a latitude and I went he's not Listened to him. So he put him up and I'm not saying I helped tom rhodes career or anything But eventually he did start to play him there and everything But he was rough, baby If he didn't like your look or your first few jokes Or he thought you were pandering in any way or playing I think his biggest thing was if you were playing below What he thought you I have a very vivid memory a very vivid memory. I was killing it at the holy city zoo Which was for clowns. You had to be clown That was the other cafe was for the surrey black side the other cafe was your eggheads Right, and I was I was a holy city zoo guy I was you know, I wanted and I think that's what robin kept in his heart the holy city I think he loved very much that like mark weiner at the time was like kind of like a big Holy city zoo guy remember mark weiner and the wienerettes. No, I don't know I I from nicolodium, but that was not The street performer guy who No, I get in the name room But there was a mark weiner and the wienerettes and he But I don't think of him as a holy city zoo act, but I do remember this Mill table, yeah, and larry brown said to tom You really should see david feldman. He's killing it at the holy city zoo. This was pre clown zoo This is before she'll do yeah, so I did I open with Sawyer's in the crowd and I open up with raymond donovan Something about the secretary of labor and ronald reagan three smart jokes They don't work I panic I go you want to confuse your cat leave one of your own in this box big laugh And I big laugh and I see oh i'm getting a standing ovation from somebody and it was the back of tom Storming out of the club and then he called up milton larry and screamed at them. Well, how the feldman sucks and you know And I've never gotten over that. I'm still to this day. Just Remember that that's hilarious somebody we were he would tell comics openly Yeah, I mean people would they play cards sometimes the cops afterward And I won't say his name because he's passed but there was a comic that would come and go And he said to tom one night. How come you never put me on at your club? And tom had had a few and tom goes because you're a fucking hack and you fucking suck And your fucking comedy is lowbrow bullshit that I don't want to put up in front of my fucking paying customers or beloved you know i'm like late and then Got swiftly Excalated to almost, you know, they had to be separated and shit and tom was a bulldog man Like if he didn't like it and you really really wanted to know the truth He would tell you the truth which no one wants to hear how much of the san francisco scene was about the hang How much in those days we all hung on but but how important was it to furthering your career? Well, I mean when when I first started which I think is around the same time you first started We're you did open like I remember mill label said to me in like 1983. I've done more I've hosted more showcases and I've been in more showcases than any comic in san francisco Like we're talking a couple hundred nights a year right He would do like five a year right Monday tuesday wednesday thursday and then if you had a gig blah blah blah I would I was an alcohol ago. I was trying to quit alcohol and I didn't like I still am David So this hurts a little and I didn't want to hang out in bars Yeah, and one of the things I found refreshing about san francisco was You were being judged solely on the five to ten minutes You spent on stage. There was nothing you couldn't glad hand You couldn't send Christmas gifts to there was nothing you can do other than be funny And I struggle with this now because alex brazil is always saying to me hang out Hang out with people I hate hanging out now. I'm way past the age of hanging out and but it is important to hang Of course it is and people think you're being rude because you you fuck off and you they think you're better than them and And it's like I'm married. I have I have stuff to do right But in those days when you were single in your 20s, it was like, but yeah, there was no shortcuts then I remember the first gig I ever got force and I did a set at the zoo for break force breakman I was in a very unfunny double act and Or team as we called them then and and the guys were very funny The phone rang downstairs and it was rebecca who was sitting upstairs at the zoo The zoo was the smallest club in the world and yet They would foam from upstairs. It was literally there, right? And it was a red phone like the bat phone and And uh-huh, uh-huh, and I don't remember who was bartending went. Hey come here Becky wants to give you guys a paid set on wednesday and we were like Oh my god, you know, it was 1982 same year. Yeah me And I saw the seven dollars and fifty cents each or something like that. Was it steve pearl presents Oh, yeah, which meant steve pearl would go on and do An hour Then he would run the first act but an hour of lightning bolts from god. God was speaking directly to steve and pearl, right? Yeah, he the spanish few stooge's he would do Moe larry. What was it moe curly and lorenzo? I was obsessed with pearl so fun because i was from new york and he was from new york and i You know how you own certain things like i owned pearl I was convinced that only i really got the genius of steve pearl and i would say you don't understand How funny he is but he's a genius and you just don't get i get all the jokes i'm i really yeah I was very possessive funny the elvis presley nature trail. Oh, here's a two and all bush Oh, here's the second all lake So pearl would do an hour and then you bring up the first act then you do another hour Then you bring up the second act then you do another hour and bring up the third So, you know, you were up there to do 15 Yeah, if you ever got on at his show, which was his wednesday night show Yeah, but everybody came through there. I mean And it was a shithole it really was the bathroom was awful and it was right there next to the And when people had to go they had to walk in front of the stage If you were going to make egress or ingress to that club you walked in front of the performers every time Well, is it safe to say that jeremy kramer was robin's all-time favorite? I would say I think the comics that had the most influence on me were kramer because of his absolute fearlessness on stage There was years we would go by where he no laughs and he stood his ground all the time always I remember playing a weekend with him at the other and he turned to the window and sat and went jeremy jeremy Nobody likes jeremy for like a year, right at this point the crowd has no idea what's going on My wife who I was just dating them. It's how long goes is in hysterics and um him slayton Um slayton because he was cocksure Slayton stage presence impressed me more than anything else because he never smiled He just rattled the jokes off and wildly racist and misogynistic in san francis. Oh, yeah He's the only one that was allowed to be and I said you're lennie bruce without a conscience Plenty bruce had been stripped of any moral barometer, you know like Because he would do chinese people to chinese people He would do black people to black people and just murderize right and then durst because Durst helped me learn the craft. I remember going to a gig in Some shithole and sam rafael on a Tuesday night And I was getting 50 bucks or something and I presumed he was getting 250. This is the 80s And I go, what are you doing here on a Tuesday and he goes greg? I'm working I'm the comedian right and he goes there's something to be learned every night greg You don't just quit when you I'm in like you're a headliner and you get more money than me, you know like And and then he also said to me once so what did you do with that joke? You dropped it from your act and well, it's not timely anymore. And he goes never ever discard jokes You can recycle those jokes and rewrite them the idea is still there the kernel of it You're throwing material away by doing that And I'll you know as a 20 something I was like I never thought of that, you know So I've told him this too, which of course he hates to hear and everyone hates to hear when you're there They're an intentional mentor. No one wants to be that but I learned all that from him the economy of writing the keeping the writing The keeping the writing the writing has to be in a book and you have to go back to it and you can take a joke from 20 years ago and redo it. There's always a stupid politician Whether it was Reagan, whether it was w whether it was Trump I mean, you know like I'm not saying I'm using recycled Reagan jokes with Trump But I'm saying the idea of keeping that What's going on here My wife Honey, you know my wife Judy gold Judy you want to sit down? I'm Honey, can you just wait have a seat? How are you? Can you just sit and Do you mind My wife doesn't she doesn't There was one I don't know who they are I don't know where we are. In fact, so just wandered into a flat So So Will Durst said to me that it name dropping that it takes four years to get funny Now more. Well, is that Will Durst or Robert Durst has said that? Good one. Thank you. Three years to find the body And 40 years to admit that you just fucking murdered 85 people After a good set you go to the bathroom. I killed them. I killed them. Yeah, Judy gold has just joined us You're just joining us. I just joined you guys. How are you? You know, I'm I'm in rehearsals for Shakespeare in the park and nice. What are you playing? Well, we're doing an all-female version of taming of the shrew. I don't know if you guys have heard of it And I'm playing gremio. I'm playing a man. So we have had your patricio's Sidekick. I am baptista sidekick. Yes. I am the very wealthy Older gentleman who wants Bianca but gets tricked out of every and so we have to we were have been learning how to Walk like men All the things these things men do and The women who are straight. I happen to be a lesbian And it was right after I fucked david feldman. Yeah, um, I'm a carrier That would do a joke of vegetarians lost hot dog Exactly Exactly. It's it's not my joke And a lot of the women who are straight are having problems with their husbands and partners because they're like noticing all the shit they do So they're not you know when they don't want to listen or what have you learned From learning to be a man that um You david feldman Are probably A woman That you probably have Some sort of vaginal a uterus or somewhere hidden cervix. Well, we've had sex. Why don't you describe what you encountered? um What was down to tell the best part was putting my fingers through your hair uh-huh The one what that one right there Um, what tell every plug has been bought and paid for. Um, how was what was it like? I'm down there because you you explored my below my belt. What tell them describe it. Um You know those people on the beach with those, uh Things the metal detectors metal detectors Let's just say I could have used a penis detector All right I can't believe anyone has had sex. Do you make nasty sarcastic comments when you're having sex? No, I just say I just have my eye on the meter. Okay, gregg. I'm gonna give this is my mother passed away last, uh, june I'm sorry. Thank you. Thank you, gregg. Thank you. I'm happy about it. Thank you and I was thrilled. This is what the text She's still in your act though, right? Yes, and this is what I so she lives on right absolutely And I get a text, you know, everyone's like, oh, I'm so sorry about and I get a text from David Feldman that says Can you pick me up from the airport? And then I don't answer and it's like question mark question mark question mark And then she writes i'm sitting shiver. Yeah, and I said what time does it end because my flight comes in? And if you wouldn't mind I'm hungry Yeah, you gotta respect and doubling down on it. Yeah, that's true. That's true if you could bring up the ollie or something right now has alex heard of any sort of uh air conditioning or Uh, oh the fan moving at you know Point yeah, what's now ready for a nickels joke. There's a guy in the back going. Hey you buddy. Why is everyone else drinking? All right Enough talk about comedy Let's talk about all right tragedy Enough of your act David, how long is this going because you know, I'm recording a podcast here with mr. Proops. Are you? Yes, I am. Okay. Well, let's are we? Yes It's podcast ambush. Let's talk. Yes. I'm getting ambushed. All right I am I'm gonna make a statement and then you guys respond. First of all, let's dampen you mean refute Okay Daniel tell us why judy gold is daniel. You're very nice. Thanks. Tell us why judy gold is One of the funniest people who's ever held a microphone Uh She's jewish Thank you. Uh, and the sisterhood will be meeting at seven p.m. Uh sunday night for all right go ahead No, she knows who she is, you know, I think comedy is The the great practitioners are people who who know who they are and own it and I think that's what you've always been This is this is not a joke. This is not a joke His wife, sorry My wife is here Now Do you want I have to drink? Is is this are you a psychologist? Yeah, the worst combination Like I hate myself already, you know, and i'm already thinking oh, I'm a fuck, you know Like I wake up like you're an asshole. You're an asshole. You're an asshole. You're an asshole You didn't finish that new yorker article. You're an asshole. You're stupid. You think you're smart, you know, and then someone else Just berating, you know 800 questions. Well, why do you why do you think you did that because i'm an asshole i'm an asshole trump Have you heard of them? Are we changing topics? Yes, that was very No, no, we went right from asshole to truck. Oh, I see. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I was But I was gonna I was just fixating on what jitty was saying because I feel the same way I wake up in the morning. I'm like, what the fuck did I do? You know what I mean? Why did it happen? Why right in 1992? I could have done this and everything would have been different All I can think about and then I go I wonder the years that go by right right decade. What did I do? Yeah Why am I happy then wait? I thought I was fat then and i'm not i'm fat now You know, it's like right that you look in the mirror and you're like no fucking way Right. Well, Fran Liebowitz had a line where she goes, uh, uh, oh when you're 40 you take a picture of yourself and you're like Oh, I didn't like that picture and then she does the older you get the better that picture is when you're 40 Then I find myself looking at a picture of myself when I was my 40s and going oh, that was good, right God damn it I don't think anyone's funnier than Fran Liebowitz. She gets no credit But she's not a stand-up comic, but she's genius She's serious. What did she say the other one the other day? You see 40 year old men on skateboards because you don't see 40 year old women on skateboards because women grow up Yes chump What I was gonna say is that judy owns it and trump owns it and that's what's so appealing and Oh, yeah, hang on. Okay. I see deep deep down inside on if I if I held a gun to your head Yes, and after my erection subsided holding a gun to your head. I was gonna say I remember when we shot this movie in the early 80s Hung men of the night. I think it was called. It's not hbl. Yeah It's don't isn't there a huge part a huge party huge huge Why that loves trump of me? Yes No, but I would rather have dinner with him than Ted Cruz I live or I you know if you're gonna have dinner with trump There'd be stories. He'd tell you weird shit. There'd be secrets. He'd say something horrible Ted Cruz. I think Probably not want the trump stick. That's the only thing I would have that dinner Did you see in the times today? He they interviewed over 50 Women who have you know dealt with him. How bad was he? He was really bad. Any woman who votes for him is your rapist Did he did he forced himself? I didn't read the whole article Um, but that would be the that would be the hat. Not like you shouldn't skip down. All I have to say Is the person who is happiest for trump's success is bill cosby. That's all I Okay, so here's the conversation my wife and I were literally having on the train I'm just gonna caucus the the three of you here Do you think that there is any transgression any revelation that could come out about trump? That would change the minds of the people who are inclined already to vote for now That he would say something that is horrifying Something would be revealed about him in business or in his personal life Is there anything that you know, we could unearth about trump where you'd go? Wow, you know gosh now that I know that about trump. I I don't think I could Right Genius of trump is the candidate, right? Right. He's a he's a love rick even though he's a rich failed billionaire serial idiot You know, whatever you want to call him. He's a billionaire. Who's not a billionaire. He's a failed millionaire You know kind of vituperative misogynistic snake, you know, but the more hateful things he said he plays to the grandstand right and it seems that like That is a huge base that has largely gone huge huge that has largely gone unserved Well, yes, these are the people the white men who are having temper tantrums and you know Laying on farms in Oregon with their fucking guns. They're like, you know, it's representing me and now they have the biggest Fucking piece of shit asshole misogynistic fucking liar crap ass fuck ed Yeah, isn't it by the way that should be his slogan As I'm Donald Trump and I approve this message and and you know, I read this thing. No journalists have asked him what what When you say make America great, what do you mean? What era are you talking about the segregation era? The homophobic era slavery the confederacy which era was America great in that he's talking about a fictional white people Past that they keep fobbing off on us the anyone can succeed if they work hard enough trope That's the most in name piece of bullshit that's ever been funneled down the world And then the idea that keeping muslims out of the country is going to make america great And the future is an all inclusive future where everyone gets recognized and he's not having that and I think that's what The people respond to that love them and therefore nothing he did if he abused women Hey, I would have too. I was rich. I had money. You know what I mean, like how long I've known you since 1982 Yeah, you know me better than anybody in this room probably you've seen me at my worst points Like now wow why so it's worse than this No, it's never more. All right. Yeah, this is why do I love trump? What's love trump? Yes, I do Well, I think because he what's wrong with me you're you're a contrarian by nature and uh, he if I am yes I am He appeal he appeals to that element of your personality Uh, anyone who would ask for a ride, uh from someone whose mother's just died is going to love trump and as part of their sense of Humor, I think it is but I also believe he's doing a great service to this country. I do too. He's imploding the republican party possibly for 16 years What a lease date the republican party. I mean sort of I felt like with the emergence of the tea party It's like, oh, there's not one republican party anymore, right? I see I that that I don't buy until yeah, but look what bernie sanders is doing to the democratic party I think the the the g.o.p. Is like nbc In that and curry. Yeah The g.o.p. Is like nbc in that You get a programming director in there who puts on super train and hello larry and pink lady and jeff If you're gonna just do the whole fred silverman thing I don't want to replay that episode. All right, so it's like fred silverman go up nbc is ruined forever And then ronald reagan comes in as the program director of nbc and it's morning again for it So I I think in four years. So in your scenario ronald reagan was the brandon tartikov The grand tinker the grand tinker grand tinker what i'm saying is that and I mean this that The that that four people I know that trump is fred silverman. He's destroying the network But it's still an institution and overnight you can reprogram it Oh, sure And does he even want to be president? Let's get to the bottom line on this He can't really be president and if he was what would he do and what the fuck? What other people can what he's going to talk to other leaders of other countries, especially muslim leaders I know He didn't say he didn't say he hates first of all. He didn't say he hates muslims He said we have to stop new muslims from coming in till we figure out what's going on And I think that's a fair statement. Um, he doesn't understand what's going on. That's that's honest That's it. Okay Well, I think melanie. I'll make a wonderful First light. I mean she is brilliant. Welcome to the vibe house. I have welcome to the vibe house. Would you like some tea? By the way, isn't uh, isn't actual definition of the word melania, uh, a cancer you will die from that's melanoma. Okay, sorry But we can call her melanoma. I can use those all the time for you melanomia. That's his that's his wife's name melanomia Yeah, do I love donald's is it possible that I love this country more than everybody in this room combined Oh to be sure david your patriotism has never been in question and I believe that's why you left the west coast Yeah, I I believe that that and his clinical depression Melania melanomia textbook depression by the way, okay, i'm in books uh My depression is done. It's a wonderful man. Your depression went from 1929 until 1940 I maintain that this country is so great and so strong and the system Works that not one man can destroy this country that that Trump probably not W didn't and he tried, you know, right hitler The difference between chump and hitler is hitler had a plan right No, the difference between chump and hitler hitler didn't wing it Hitler had taste when it came to architecture. Well, I mean, but he didn't just go We're gonna give about the jews until we figure something out The difference between chump and hitler is I think that hitler actually had Substance it was horrible substance, but there was actual substance there Trump has no substance what he has is great branding. That's what he does. This is a fucking reality show He calls the other people competitors. They were great competitors We're not on the fucking apprentice you asshole. I hate them. By the way, that is how he's gonna pick his VP You watch right and when we're the home stretch after I just can't believe elizabeth Warren is just like go fuck yourself on twitter and Like no one else is doing that to him But don't you think because I got into this with goofy elizabeth. Yeah goofy elizabeth Hey, he's so You you you this is what I maintain is no offense But you know you talk about scapegoating But you say trump is a scape scapegoating people. I think you're scapegoating trump. I think you Need somebody to hate and and and americans. I have you david Yeah feldman's hair or trump's hair pick one I'm gonna have to go with feldman's hair. Okay, because he paid so much fucking money for him And it's and he opened for me at carolines with a fucking baseball cap on He spent how much money on that fucking hair and then he's like comes on stage He looks like a big fucking slob. It's christmas eve. He's got a fucking but he's like oh my my manager said I need to wear baseball cups so I can look young and hip You mean like michael malley. Yeah, not young and hip. Yeah young and broken hip is what you are I No, I didn't want to show too much respect for the audience that's wow. Wow, that's right Up for them. Wow, you're so don't you wake up every morning wanting you talk about waking up and say I regret I should have done this what happened like what happened at the time and then and then you so you say it's trump's fault This is what you turn on. I don't say that actually scapegoating donald trump. I don't blame trump for my Shortcomings, but you need to be angry at somebody so you vent to you I'm I'm always been way more angry at dick cheney than than I could Yes, that is true. I fucking hate that. I will never forgive bush and cheney for what they did I think they destroyed the country. I think they set the world into a terrible spin And I think we're barely recovering from that after well that those hit those people From that era who were not educated are the ones voting for trump the fucking bush dick Cheney whenever someone dies. I'm like I can't fucking believe they're dead and dick fucking fake heart cheney Let's get back. Let's go because he said he was supporting trump the other day W even had the decency to say I am not involved in this right and cheney Well, it takes a dick to fucking support donald trump I think they did more damage to the country than uh than any president in my lifetime I hated reagan and I hated herbert walker, but uh bush and cheney really put the zang on everything And just the inhumanity of katrina and all those things. Oh, I know And no one fucking How the fuck can you be a black republican after that katrina shit? Well, how can you be a woman and vote for uh trump? And they're standing behind him. Yeah fucking asshole read iceberg slim And then you'll understand why women vote for trump. I don't have time. Okay iceberg slim I didn't put it there All right, bernie sanders Not my favorite. I mean, I'm glad he's in the race. I think he's fun and uh, uh, but I don't uh, I I said it before uh, uh, and you'll say it again. I will right now Joe clondon time magazine said it and it's true every jew has an uncle bernie I think that the people who are so excited Every every all the young people are excited about him that uh, all the white millennial You know fixed brake bike wearing fucking rescue dog named cobane drinking fucking Nick cap and 100 degree weather tattoo. He's fun and exciting because he yells and spits and shit But again, you know what it is. It's authenticity. It's again It's really interesting is this is the year where whether it's the illusion of authenticity with someone like trump Or I think the actual authenticity of somebody that's what people are okay I just want to say misplaced misogyny from both of them. I do. I I believe from from bernie. Yes. Oh, fuck Oh, come on big time Waving his finger while she's talking Bernie they're not going to anyone else. You're the only one fucking there. So stop waving and it's jane I totally jane sanders who hates hillary that is pushing him to continue on. I guarantee you think bernie I agree with jenny gold. You think dammit. Greg You you think that when bernie Doesn't like hillary its misogyny when he stands up to her stands up. How is he standing up? He's not a democrat who's taking money from the democratic party who's always suing the democratic party every time he loses He complains that it wasn't his fault that not enough people came out and then if hillary wins a state Oh, yeah, well, there was a lot of schwarzes in that state. So why should we why should we care or whatever He puts down women consistently. He puts down minorities consistently in my point of view in my point of view What about when he said it's because poor people can't can't vote. Oh, so every poor person is voting for you You're too stupid not to vote for him in his estimation And that just drives me mad and also taking tons of money So he's committing what we would call a fraudulent act by carrying on taking money in a in a puric campaign That he can't possibly win. I love greek proofs. I mean, I he has every right to run and I think it's exciting because it's galvanized Young people who have no idea how the political system works because our educational system has let everyone down so horribly utterly and completely I voted the minute I was 18 and I voted for jimmy carter because that's the kind of Don keody. Yeah He's really good for israel. Yeah, I am uh, but When people in new york complain like oh my god, I can't believe that you can't vote for Someone if you didn't register ahead for the party. It's like we've had this for a thousand years You guys wake up right fucking that's how california is too in the general election You can vote for who you like in the primaries you have to vote for who you register, right? It's not like a big complicated theorem that got fucking laid down right on bernie voters to suppress and why do we have that because An example of that would be rush limbaugh in 2008 telling republicans in texas to vote for hillary To throw the the convention in other words you you you register because if I were Allow to vote I would vote for trump because I want to destroy the republican party So that's why that that happens. I just wanted to bring this down to it while you're really taking the When you ask me about bernie and I've never given my real opinion on any on my podcast I didn't talk about it with on my podcast. It's all peace and love and we're all I accept all points of view and Stuff but since you ask that's how I feel about it. I agree with reg proves. He's a channel for the misogyny that young Guys feel toward women. I think guys in their 20s and early 30s, and I know I'm generalizing here, but this is what we do They feel frustrated the way that we keep characterizing middle-aged white guys who hunt ducks or whatever feel frustrated And I think that he is their key to for them the oh, he's all new and shit like that He's been in the senate for a hundred years if he was going to do anything substantive He would have done it Ah, yeah, I'll go I'll go one step further No one's ever listened to him like Tim or paid attention to him in his entire life until the last year And that's why he won't fucking sit down because now all of a sudden everyone listens to everything he fucking says And don't be a democrat if you're gonna fuck over the democrat party Don't stir the democrat party, you know, you know, you can't win and you were never a democrat You would say shit about democrats, but that's that's all coming back to the thing that I said originally You're gonna have to be nice to him tonight Which is trump is not a republican has never been a Never and bernie has always been an independent right, so it seems that what the electorate is saying is Oh, what we don't want are these two parties, right, right? They're also saying what we don't want is a woman and that that's a very big Now let me say something this is my one question if hillary was a man and bernie was a woman and bernie And it was a jewish woman. I would tell him to smile. I would tell him to smile. Okay. It was a jewish And stop bearing his lower teeth all the time And and dial it back. We're not done. Okay, so jewish woman socialist, right with dandruff and bad hair Right, and and it's Every third one And it's like, you know what you people you're gonna get rid of the banks They're screwing everything up And let me tell you something The minimum wage should be higher And we uh, this is ridiculous Okay, bella absinthe bella absinthe right now if that if all right. I love bella absinthe Was uh, you know well put together a guy who's sort of a moderate but a democrat but really very educated There'd be no fucking contest. Okay Well, but are men entitled to A certain aesthetic when it comes to female politicians. No They're not entitled to but they do constantly if a woman looked as dreary as bernie doesn't wore those awful fucking What about his fucking hair right and dandruff and there's no deal with that He would be pulling your fucking shirt. Am I am I a misogynist and those faces? Let me ask the question. You don't have to give an example. They have to give an example It's is it's like the preamble to the constitution. We hold these truths to be self-evident I'm gonna correct the smartest man in the world. It was the decoishment of independence He doesn't even he's never read the constitution. He knows nothing about pal No, donald's fucking asshole piece of shit nazi fucking Lying trump. Let me uh, I as he's known to his intimates. Yeah Jew Does it make you a misogynist? If you're threatened rephrased it now you're putting it on us doesn't make you a personal pronoun exercise here Okay Am I a misogynist? Yes? Because I don't want hillary to get elected because she's a woman Yes, that's who misogyny is Question is that that doesn't mean I what the fuck kind of question? I'm just trying here's the other thing that about What is that? All right. Does do I am I a misogynist? Yes, if I'm I would not pick him up at the airport If I am I get fucking dropped out at the my misogynist if I'm threatened by smart Intelligent women who I believe should be kept in a cage in my basement. Does that make me have a such No, it makes you a pervert It makes you the steed larson No, it makes you buffalo bill The other thing that I really About bernie and trump is um, I think that this should be a grand march to have to another Step into the future by electing the most qualified candidate in my lifetime hillary clinton And that I see I don't see bernie sanders as a big bonus Uh, uh, isn't it so wonderful that he threw his hat in the ring? I see him as a stumbling block in the way of what I perceive as The best possible future. I think he repeats the same thing over and over again I don't think he he has nothing new to add to the conversation when you ask him about uh, how you're gonna You saw the interview in the daily news, right where they go. Oh, yeah. Yeah, so you're gonna read you the banks How are you gonna do it under whose authority anyway? I got authority That's not an answer. I'm gonna check With my rab. Oh, I'm not jewish. I'm not gonna check with my rab. Yeah, you moved to vermont. So right away Right away. I'm off that fucking train. Uh, but I mean like she gets she gets pillared because oh, she's so boring Or she's inauthentic or she's not likable bernie and trump are the least likable people i've ever fucking seen my president I don't understand to me. She seems very likable. I've seen her speak live. She's been gauging. She's cute She's smart as the dickens. She if she was a man, there would be no fucking question The man had been first lady's a man had been senator of the man But again, wait, wait, wait, it's not about likability or not trump and bernie are not likable Again, I maintain. What is what is the quality? You know, george w bush? Well, he just seems like a guy you'd like to have a beer with right i'm telling you it's about Actual or perceived authenticity? No, I I want to I want to I don't want to have a beer with fucking george bush Because it would be a non-alcoholic beer. What's gonna say? Yeah, he's a bore Maybe in the 80s, it would have been fun to have a beer with him because then you'd have done a rail Yeah, I was gonna say then there'd have been cougar Now we can kind of crash today with his wife and kill someone. Let me ask you this question He was rich. So you know, yeah, good coke. There there is much Delivered by a portuguese guy with an anvil can I don't know now. I'll have the big package over there. I don't know that one looks good is I I am I I'm voting for bernie I'm what a surprise. That is such a really good vote. I'm registering in california as a sex offender And you should be voting for trouble that he's a sex offender. He has offended the act of sex All right, this is why I'm voting for and then you respond to this I believe there's much virtue in going apeshit that You just need to pick the right target to go apeshit on You know, uh, chainie and bush went apeshit on iraq. Now if I hated the iraqi people, which I don't Only the one right? If I hated the iraqi people I'd be very happy with what bush and chainie did because they went apeshit on iraq and look what's happening And what I hate is wall street. I hate sure wall street And I think somebody needs to go apeshit On wall. She's not going to well, even if he was president. He couldn't well I think why don't you wait for elizabeth warren to run right because she will actually go apeshit Well, I think what you might have actually read a book or have a plan or something You know what glass teagle is But this is why george w bush was stupid and he surrounded himself with people who knew how to go apeshit And I think if bernie sanders is stupid at least he's Pounding his chest and saying go apeshit on these people and he can bring in people who will Destroy wall street the same way we destroyed iraq. That's great. We need to go What about our standing in the world? Okay. What about our standing in the world with foreign leaders? hillary is just Look, yeah, she's not qualified. Yeah You know who's qualified Uh, okay You're certainly struggling on this one. You mean no, the governor of arkansas is more qualified Yeah, let me just say something to me if you've had all of their resumes on your fucking desk Okay, and didn't know male female black white green orange. Who the fuck would you pick for president? I would pick somebody who's new. I said which resume I don't I don't hire based on resume. I hire based on sexual orientation Which is legal in 30 states in america, by the way Did you know judy gold that in 30 states in this country? I can say what is your sexual orientation? And not rent me your apartment and or hire you because I don't approve. Yes. I know that because you know why why? I'm a lesbian. Okay. So I think the fight is not over people I want to go apes shit on the people who ruined this Okay, that's great and you can do that but still elect a president who is really smart and overly qualified How do you know she's not going to and he's not the other thing it's like because she didn't go apes shit on bill Oh, shut the fuck up. No, that's just I will have an arrangement Go ahead I'm sorry. No, no, it's okay. I mean, I just don't I don't I don't see everybody's trepidation about her all the time I it doesn't read with me at all, but it's a safe bet. She's a safe bet. How How would she say the boldest fucking choice we can make for the future is to make an intelligent woman like that president Hopefully she'll pick a woman running mate and then hopefully she'll be president for eight years And then her running mate will be president for eight years after that. That's my fervent fucking I might when elisa breaks up with me. I'm turning straight for greek. Have you ever dealt with Have you ever dealt with lawyers? No, never. Sure. What are you? Yes Okay, and they're they have great And I'm sorry that you have to sit through his they they have great resumes lawyers, right lawyers have great resumes And they and they we're not talking about that. I'm talking about yes fucking First lady you're telling me senator Uh, secretary of state a madam and a secretary. She's had two jobs Wow, I just shoehorned a bit from my act that doesn't work Have you heard? Not good. I'm thinking I understand. Have you heard your act recently Here's one from my act. Bernie says he's going to close the banks. No jews ever said that Even even jesus just flipped some tables over and went all right fellows. We'll see you tomorrow That's a joke david. See that's a joke That's how you write a joke with your baseball fucking cap on It wasn't just came from the writer's room. Yes, it wasn't even clean. It had like The sweat salt on the side just tell me tell me it wasn't that's happened on a boston cap Just please. No, it was like some fuck. There's an oakland ace cap. Oh, okay. So there you are A boston cap to me is like boom. You know the white salt stains you get from sweating. That was attractive as well I'm surprised you know that campus assault artist Pray for me. Yeah, I will Will you pray for me tonight? You know, can can can we I just want what you're saying and then we'll move on Which how long is this because I have to meet my wife at a certain point. Wait, you have to do my podcast I can't I have to What time is it 5 20 and what time are we wrapping up alex? Uh-oh Well, it's 5 18. So you have two minutes. Okay, this obviously this has just been the highlight of my trip to new york Yes, you're at caroline. You're at carolines. I'm at carolines. Is it better than it was? I'm playing there a couple years When you're there, it's better. You know, you know what people say you we hope Friday night late and Saturday night late. I've never had more fights with audiences than any club in the world I can't I can't say this is a promoting the show and it's gonna drop and then luce is gonna hear it. Uh Oh, yeah, he's gonna listen to a podcast about politics when schwarzenegger put fucking ball fake balls on his dog He put fake testicles because he's like I couldn't have him walking around like that That's true. There's people who are dying of you know, homelessness and hunger and he put fake balls on his fucking dog Because he could look I can't have him walking around like that. Okay, go well years ago when schwarzenegger Did the beer hall put in california? I remember I opened with a lawn and I said, uh, oh, it's nice to have a Serial rapist as our governor or whatever and a guy in the front row at carolines went no And I went I'm sorry and he went no and I'm like, you know, you actually don't get to stop me from doing this And then in order to flummox him completely I said, let's do something that's no one done and in quite a while Let's agree to disagree and I kneeled down on the stage and went like this Will you agree to disagree with me and he So he took my hand and he had to at that point he I shamed him into right with me um The set veered completely off the table at that point It broke into different clacks in the house, right? So people were the crowd was actually Heckling each other not me during the show and I was talking about politics and shit It all spun completely out of control at the end of the show Finally he gets up to walk because he can't take it anymore because I'm I'm too liberal for him And he got up and fucked off people were screaming at the guy And then other people are getting up and yelling. I finished the show and I was shaking I went backstage and uh, uh, uh, Stephen Stephen. What's his name? Kenny comes back and goes Oh, I love Kenny. Yeah, I love Kenny Kenny comes back and goes There's a couple people that I want to talk to you and I thought oh fuck. I'm not going out right there was 80 people in line That wanted to talk to me. They weren't angry with me They'd never been to a comedy show like this before where the fucking roof came off Because I wouldn't back down and and the conservative people in the room This was during the bush, you know administration when you weren't allowed to say a fucking thing about America was so great and all this shit and I've never forgotten I came home and Jennifer was like, what the fuck's the matter with you? I'm like if you'd been at the show tonight, it was a fucking Donnie Brooke Like I've never seen this was like the republican national convention when they nominated fucking, uh, uh, you know When Roosevelt didn't get the nomination and he broke off, you know, like it was crazy And so my memories every time of late night shows there And one time I'm up on stage and I barely had their attention Getting to the end and a guy in the front row was wearing a jet's jersey. He's got a shaved head He had a body like a raindrop right like a pointed head And i'm finishing and he goes I got a question That was his voice right and I said yes darling at long last finally. Yes What is your question and he went how come you don't talk more about pussy? And I said I've had more pussy than you've had hot meals And but all I can think it was we were 40 minutes into it 40 minutes into it and that's all that was on his mind And so that's why I wanted to know if the crowds go like you were saying crowds in New York or hitper and I found everywhere I've gone Where you are in the city because honestly that's Times Square. Yeah, that's Times Square It's brought Caroline's on Broadway Broadway, right? How great you are see Thursday always fucks me up because uh, uh, you know You know you have a great you have a good set on the weekday then Friday night late comes and after 10 minutes Everyone starts talking and I'm like really I can't hold your attention. I'm not talking about the biggest thing I tell them to shut the fuck up. I'm gonna do a bit like yeah, just tell them to go I get the as you talk real bad That that room sometimes So make 21st So come and see me The 19th through the 21st of carolines. I'm sure it'll be terrific this time But I can I can remember so many times that you have Oh He brings the fucking dog to the office. I'm not kidding I think it'll be better because I think people are a little hitper I think everyone's gotten a little hit when you play oklahoma. Where do you play in oklahoma? Well, I just did a like a performance lab thing So they were all there to see me but I play all over the country and I played Houston this year in Arlington and you know, Arlington's great And they you know, they laugh They're not it's gonna get it's not like it was like the the red Best rooms right now in the country. I have to say The comedy attic And my son goes to school there, so I just go there and I was like, oh my god, this guy loves stand-up He loves it's a pure Fucking best club. I went there for their limestone festival two years ago He said the thing that honestly made me want to cry from from joy He said I opened this room so that one week a year I can have maria banford Wow, wait, hold on Now what is the difference To answer your question. What's the difference in the comedy attic in bloomington, indiana and that comedy attic in amsterdam Well once Because it was like an anfrank. No, they sell pot at the comedy attic in amsterdam now I'll play the comedy attic in bloomington. He's great. He's great. He's a purist He doesn't he doesn't even he won't even sell hard liquor He's only sells beer and wine because he doesn't want them getting drunk helium in Minneapolis. I'm not allowed to work for the helium company. No, no acme I like acme lewis lee. I haven't played an acme in years. You know, I like I like the helium and portland a lot. Yeah, they're really really you don't play acme and I didn't help them there and listen. I spent the whole weekend drinking the other and I still can't get a fucking gig You can't play anywhere you want No, I I find that so pleasing Can you shut up because I need to record a podcast with records Thank you everybody