 Okay, very good. It's working. When we get the buzz like that, I can hear it in the air. All the healing is happening. Yeah. You know, we come here, we come out to the woods for five days, and we just leave a trust to do that. And then when you come out, and then you're really saying a prayer in your heart, really sooner through your work, bring out whatever needs to come up, and it does. It comes up. And so, yeah, I know that there was a lot of people that signed up for one-on-ones, but it would be impossible to do all those one-on-ones. So, one of the things we'll do today is like another chair. So, that's the kind of ones I want for the one-on-ones. They'll do it for the whole universe. And we'll allow them to record it and put it up and spread it all over the world. So, it's literally not just for those in the room, but for everybody in the world. So, that's one option. That's the way we handle it. We've got morning session, afternoon session, and evening. You know, this is how we deal with it. Get the speed up. Yeah, that's the speed up. Has anybody ever heard of Gangaji? Yeah. Gangaji, she has a hot seat. Yeah. Ooh. Ooh. This was a hot seat for us. Hot seat. And generally, like Chris said, we mainly have our afternoons for integration and free time, but we were feeling that this afternoon we would have a concert with Helena and Marion. Yeah. And that could be a lot of fun. In fact, I would like to get a video, some music videos to put up on my YouTube channel from that, because music is so amazing. And Marion might have some background singers, some collaborators too, for like three parts harmony. That could be good. Share that. We can do a short warming up for that before. Just come here if you want. If you love singing, just come to me. The concert starts at 3.30, so maybe around 3.15. Come for warm-ups, if anybody is harmonizing. And then from 3.30 to 5 will be our concert this afternoon. Beautiful sunny day. And yeah, that will be a lot of fun. Maybe you'll be in such a deep meditative state too, that you'll have trouble making walking to dinner, but that's part of it. Maybe you'll lose your appetite. I think inside, because if we're going to record and have good sound volume and lighting for everybody, so everybody can do the enjoy. But that sounds like fun too. I like outdoor events. I came here to the Netherlands, a couple of years ago. Best year. When I was coming through in the summertime from India, I came and met a bunch of viewers out in the park under the big tree. Wasn't that fun? 30 or 40 of us under the big tree. Bicycles riding all around and children playing. Yeah, that's fun to blend. The whole world blends together. I call them shatakwas. This is a word for talks of enlightenment. So I think that could be part of our journey. We just have shatakwas. We find nice park and outdoors, and we get our little iPhones and say, come quick to such and such a park. A lot of people are coming. People just can come spontaneous. Yeah, we can do it more spontaneous instead of planning things weeks and months in advance. I know Chris is like, but forever to leave. Give me a little time to prepare. I have to do that. And also, I don't know if you're aware of it, there's a man named Andreas Kroll, who's making a Course in Miracles movie. I've seen the Facebook page, and he contacted me I think over a year ago and said, would you be part of the Course in Miracles Europe movie? He's making a movie. And I said, well, I'm kind of around the world, but if I can come there, I'd like to do it. Well, he contacted me a while back and said, well, I pretty much filmed the whole movie already, but I'm saving some space. So he's going to be driving today. Probably this afternoon, he's driving all the way from central Germany, and he's going to bring his camera, and he probably won't make it here till about nine... He's thinking like nine or ten tonight, so we'll be right in the middle of our movie discussion tonight. So he walks in the door, just will pause and we'll welcome him in. Then tomorrow morning, he will be filming. And he's supposed to be here. I think he wanted to film me, but I was thinking, yes, Course in Miracles is a huge part of Course in Miracles Europe. I don't know if anybody might have filmed more around the Alpskirts, Spain, and Western Europe, but this is a very big part of Course in Miracles, so I think he made his Holy Spirit bringing him right into the middle of our retreat to do some filming of showing happy faces and healing happening, screaming, shouting. We want to give the full impression of the healing. Some of you are good for a few screams and shouts, aren't you? You might be filmed and put down for hundreds of years, of course. Course in Miracles, so... We can do some live sessions. We could. We could. Everybody's willing. Go some life. Yeah, yeah. I did not see his answer. Well, I think we're doing... We're doing the concerts this afternoon, tomorrow afternoon. I think what we'll do is we'll leave it open for experientials. We have things like an angel bath and then an offer of bio, bio-answer. You know, that could be a possibility tomorrow. Something experiential. And that could be a nice sunny day like this. We could even do some of that outdoors. So that could be fun to do some experiential stuff outdoors. Because that's our last really full afternoon and then on Friday it'll be a little shorter day because we don't have the movie in the evening, so we'll probably...we'll just see what happens there. Also, Chris was expressing a desire for more Q&A. So we can see how our one-on-one works, which is a version of Q&A for everyone, and then also use some sessions too of just the four of us coming back up here and doing open Q&A just asking a question. That's very practical. Yeah, because it's getting into practical living and how do you live this practically and that's what's on everybody's mind. Okay, so there was such a great list of one-on-ones who wants to come and do a little Q&A. There we go. Chris is here. I'm sitting here, I really don't know if it's good for me because I have a tendency to go. Actually, I'm sitting here because I still say that you can fix me. It's like I feel like a caricature of myself schizophrenic or schizophrenic. But I want to come in this practical situation and that's what I want to talk about. Next week I become 58, I cannot understand that I'm that old and this body is 58 too. It's not good, they're almost matched. Food addiction since I was 19 years old and it's not done yet. I did everything with willpower and it's old. It's in my mind and I cannot forget food addiction to something specific or just to eat. I ate my body and blah, blah, blah. It's one point and I did everything and then there's another thing, maybe it's the same. I'm three three years old in a relationship with a man, he's 12 years older he lied about his age when I mentioned that he discovered the full length of the age. And he don't think it's this that doesn't matter, it's a reason it's like if no sexuality not at all, never. For my recuddle and he always makes jokes, we make jokes about it. It's funny it's funny, when he makes jokes he says, what is an orgasm and he makes like addiction too and but there's still something in my mind like sexuality was always an issue for me I was brought up together. So one part of me, it's like, it's okay he's not my ideal but I'm not his ideal woman too so we don't live together but one part of me says or maybe I'm denying something is not real to you and one part of me says it's okay it's it's okay it's all okay, even I have my food addiction but the other part of me is looking outside still for a happy dream and one part knows in me and one thing I say I could also step out of my food addiction or I don't need you to sit here I don't need you and I don't want that it will be broadcasted for the whole world I don't want it I'm confused Well, we were talking about the whole world as a projection of specialness so that's like our baseline when when people say I just wanted with the holiness and I want no more specialness, you know, it's like that's up to the Holy Spirit it's just the willingness to not hide anything not keeping anything hidden is where the healing will occur but the Spirit of the Holy Spirit shall take away the rinse away the specialness and in fact this is almost you could say earth as this realm is the training ground for the mind so the ego likes to take certain things like the food addiction or the sexual thing and make it into a big prominent blown up issue because when I'm what's the heck I'm sitting here I mean I don't give a shit maybe it's a nice like he said definitely gay but I feel like because I never was free in an area I'm still with him and I also don't want to leave him I mean I'm not looking for guys it's not my my how do you say my goal not a goal but actually I want to find myself that's my origin well I can tell you this in areas where like the Catholic upbringing if there was a lot of denial and repression and suppression then the Spirit will oftentimes take you in the other direction because everything's been closed down and shut off so for example I had a friend who I worked with in the same office and then she repented me about 10 years later but she had been raised Catholic and she went into the convent and she was 14 years old so 14 through 22 all the way through puberty and young adult she was in the Catholic system going to be the bride of Christ but she had to go to Navas and all the different five steps and this and this and then when she got to the point to take her final vows she said I can't do this I can't this isn't my life so she got married and kind of went the other direction from all of that her missed out childhood or missed out teen years she kind of went the other direction and eventually got into a course of miracles so I've seen that the Holy Spirit will use whatever can be used in the world to help loosen the mind from the grip of guilt if it's really gripped with like a lot of suppression and repression it could be around the food thing or around sexuality then there'll be a loosening up where you'll be given opportunities for experiences to kind of take you out toward what Buddha called the middle way and Jesus calls the miracle everything we're doing with the Holy Spirit is channelized towards the miracle to lift our awareness higher and higher back to love and light and so in this situation you know again there's a lot of mirroring that goes on in relationships and so that's something you can be grateful for that's something that you don't have to think I mean to look for other partners or try to get my needs met in other ways you're grateful you're not going that way you're just watching what comes up when you talk about it and express it that's why we're here I think that's why you felt called to come here yeah because when the cause then when I could really believe that there was a God to say that name then I could like rest like it's okay don't worry it's all perfect and it will but my mind says yeah I've missed something, I'm on life that's what I why do I do this to myself like still hitting myself with eating it's like I hurt myself and I'm not I know some women who had the same problem and when it really was healed it was not on their mind anymore it was a deep healing and I was not an issue anymore and I'm waiting for that but maybe I don't believe that I'm worth something like I've missed a God I think you're tapping into that word in this thing because that's the root of everything it's the root of all distortions it's the root of all addictions it's this not feeling worthy and so we've come from a mentality where somehow God was this being or this force that's outside of us watching over us I always say it's like that song with Santa Claus he sees you when you're sleeping he knows when you're away he knows if you've been bad or good so be good for goodness sake see all of us subconsciously had this belief that somehow God even said the word God you know it's like it's He it's very anthropomorphic it's giving God, telling God that God's male and all kinds of things and that God's outside of us and yet love or God I think Rupert Spira recently I got a video of his somebody sent me and said he said God is just a religious word for love and we all know that love to love isn't going to judge any one for anything and so we're cleaning our mind of all these false God ideas that somehow God is a judge because we were raised with this idea that you better be good or God will judge you in the end regardless of whether we believe in an afterlife or Catholicism limbo that was an interesting place it's kind of 56th grade limbo do you mean the oh, the limbo we have a great Boston translation limbo whatever you believe we've got a lot of ideas that aren't helping us they're cluttering our minds and so in this process we want it to be as graceful as possible, as gentle as possible and more of a rinsing where things just start to rinse away from our mind and it's these old ideas that make it so harsh where we go through our behavior shifts around like with the eating you know it can be where we try to act out something that we feel guilty about still and act it out you think I'm not really you want to be free they say that you don't want to be free I tell myself otherwise I would be free for example with 12 step groups they first get in touch with this saying like that they want to be ill or they want to be crazy or they want to be something and that's again the only way we can get in touch with that is through spirit spirit doesn't judge that at all there's no judgment against anything spirit is our remembrance of who we truly are so it's very soft and gentle it's always gazing on us with softness and calling us so I think it's more the willingness to communicate the tracks communication like a lot of us have grown up where we feel so conflicted in our mind that we just keep everything in and we try to be adapting just as citizens good citizens in the world but underneath there's a lot of extreme tension under there and what we're learning from Jesus in the courses he's just saying the willingness to communicate attracts communication and we're not talking about egoically just projecting things we're talking about the willingness to really let stuff up like this is what I'm feeling now and even to talk about our feelings most of us we're not trained to talk about our feelings there's a well when it starts to come just starts to roll out then you know that you're somewhere willing instead of this hiding game so most of us it's again a hide and seek where we hide our feelings and then we feel much lacking or something empty and lonely very lonely on the inside then we search for something in the world to fill it up again the Holy Spirit is not like imagine if you had a child who was young and afraid and they were clinging on to an object or even like a baby he was holding on to a knife if you if you try to pull that object from the child the child may scream or be angry or the baby in the courts the temper tantrum and so this is where we have to be very gentle without your sharp knife without my story yeah without this yeah yeah that's the then I could really it doesn't matter if I have sex or I become like this or even my it's all this but that step well remember I told you the Holy Spirit just wants to reinterpret our dream so instead of going from story to no story which is often times we hear the humble teachers they'll say drop it stop it stop now no more stories ever you never want to hear another story the Holy Spirit doesn't operate that the Holy Spirit is like let me be the storyteller and let me use your parables and your stories for a higher purpose to inspire and to bless and Jesus was a very good storyteller you know when we really look at it he was enlightened but he would go around say there was a man who had two sons or you know he wouldn't necessarily use names but he did tell very helpful stories including the prodigal son the two sons one stays and does everything with the father once and the other son goes and is up feeding the pigs wondering and he's starving it's a very famous parable but Jesus seemed to tell that parable over and over like you will never be turned away even if you think you've blown it completely you can turn back and you'll be welcomed and there'll be a party even waiting I feel like the one who's working for the pigs you feel like he's squandered I feel like I want to be the last one partying and I feel like I worked for the pigs I worked so hard that's the fuck I worked so hard and other people but I want to be the prodigal who comes away and comes back and isn't happy that's what I want that's prodigal daughter who comes back and you're such a feast waiting for you that the other sit and go I can't believe this I've been so loyal all these years that's what I feel and yet here you are welcome back that's the love that's what the love is all about it just sees past anything that happened or didn't happen in form you know I really trust like I don't trust I'm afraid to let go because that was nothing oh my god it's like it has to build where all of us are here building trust everyone, there are no exceptions to that and we're just we're building that trust little by little and then we have sometimes where our mind shakes where we wobble that's when the ego comes in to tell us the ego wants us to conclude something bad it's just going to keep hammering away it keeps trying to convince us that we've gone we missed the boat the boat has sailed and we've missed the boat oftentimes they tag that in the timeline oh 58 years old and what have you made of yourself how do you expect to go back to heaven but you know I love stories that are on facebook they go to the 60's, 70's, 80's and then get this brilliant idea I even had some friends down in Australia and this friend of mine said her parents they had a family they lived their whole life out until her dad was like in his 70's and he basically said no, my childhood sweetheart I still live in love with her and she lives back in Estonia and in his 70's he said he left the wife, he left the family he left the country enough of all of this he just came out one day and he said forget it forget it all I'm going and so he went back to Estonia and he put an ad in the newspaper and a friend of hers said yeah they got together and now I got to see all the photographs they're just so cuddly their 70's love birds forget everything that happened forget decades, forget the family forget the wives, forget the children forget everything it just was such a great symbol to me wow, that's inspiring but is that exactly the point because I'm also really a co-dependent can I be free, can I just say we all have to give ourselves permission for that let go moment yeah, just in the moment yes, we are guided we feel it strongly it's not going to be predictable from anything in the past it may be shocking to people but it's the way back to God it's inside us it's between us and spirit that's a strong connection that actually never could be broken and heaven has not reached through linear time it's reached through inner listening and authenticity and feeling that where you start to say wow, I've felt guilt maybe you played the caretaker role for many many years that's what sometimes they call co-dependency taking care, taking care and then ultimately you have to come to an harmony in your mind, in your own thoughts and emotions and come to that inner harmony which is going to be the greatest blessing for the whole universe and so you do have to be willing to say yes, this I would do this I would do I will go for this and I will not let opinions people's opinions or things society and so forth because the ego in that society too we've got this voice oh be a good boy, be a good little girl but there's no universal agreement one was that good boy, good girl I was doing a deal one I was blessed I was very blessed for eight years to go every year I went to Wisconsin with some other two other brothers here I was really blessed to meet him but I could call him but that is over I felt I could call he was available all the time and he was when I was in his presence I never had that in my life and even when I called him like in his little house in Wisconsin I he said for example I had to take care of my parents and I was so worried, worried, worried and then he just said for example take care of your parents and I felt like oh my God don't talk to me anymore I told him to be in his presence was for me like when I was with him I was like out of my head and I had to let it go because it was, it's gone it's gone and that I really missed yes I had to have I'm not like then I had more connection that it wasn't real and I lost it yeah it's coming back now you're coming back in that verse yeah I want to you see it he said to me the first time you decided that you were going to have cancer but then that's what I really desired I don't know my previous moments but I didn't really teach it before but I feel you have that same that energy that's what I really want yeah that's it, that's why we're here we're doing this for the whole universe feeling the innocence feeling that deep deep deep innocence no matter what what's said or done no matter what patterns have been you know it's not about having sex but you say you miss something art it's just the judgments in the mind that are the overlay on anything in this world the judgments is where the physicality comes it's not in the actions but it's in the judgments yeah that like society maybe I take a long time okay it's okay like society tells you that okay that's you you have no sex you have a problem or you like your relationship should be like this this this and then I because I always was whenever I was little I was thrown out of the little circle and go out, you're too difficult so I thought I'm really crazy to overcome that idea that you're crazy and thrown out of the garden I would say and then you think you have a relationship but it's not fitting in a what do I because I don't give a shit as a confusion what the world tells you what the world tells me you should be like this the world is full of boxes it's always got concepts and categories so the ego made of the world and now it's gotta fit everyone give them a name fit them into a box category but spirit doesn't live in a box and so as we start to forgive we have to live outside the box and the only way we live outside the box is we think beyond the box our thinking has to be outside the box and if we think outside the box ah it looks how it looks and who cares people can say whatever they want they can do whatever they want it doesn't matter forget about it it's over the past is over all this judgment and criticism is over now and we can live a joyful life but we have to think outside the box as long as we're thinking with the ego then we're afraid of some kind of consequence like something's gonna happen to us even if we're having miracles and let's say we have lots of miracles we start to feel joy and love and happiness the ego will be still trying to come in and say no it's too good to last you know this is gonna end you're gonna crash we start to fly and it's already telling us we're gonna crash when does this take off? I have, yeah so it's really true that there's nothing outside of you and it's it's okay to be used as a painting of expression of joy and this voice in your mind says something's wrong sexually or this could be different or even with the food if it starts to judge and say hey see look look look we have to get good at looking past that voice at starting to really ignore that voice and the more we get into our purpose of doing that with your trips to Wisconsin and start to feel that energy that alignment the more we get into that the stronger we become at letting the ego we can just say no thank you for sharing thanks for sharing it's okay and that's what we do and it starts to extend with all of the people too because I know that our first opening night that the new tour of the chair and this hard listening for you and at times it's not so much the words that are spoken but it's just the inner judge that gets the critic and gets started and it feels like you don't even want to be in your skin when the critic starts like that but it's all practice that's why I gave you the high five and you do that and then it's like here we go we're going to go into some healing so so thank you thank you for coming out here oh it's busy what's my destiny what are you business I'm mother grandmother but now I'm asking all the time because I don't know what to do I'm also kind of a healer I like painting but now I think I have to go out I have to work and spread my light or whatever but I feel nice if you do I don't know whatever I'm nothing, no one wants me but I know maybe you, I don't know what's my destiny well I was sharing earlier that the willingness to communicate attracts communication and in my life when the body of David was much younger he was very shy and deserved and led me into the wall not, you know really desired to communicate and then I had to go through years like letting emotions come crying for 20 years just crying and then all the tears come all the sadness the sadness for the whole universe comes through first and then you start to feel like there's something in your heart that wants to radiate, it wants to extend and through the world we have skills abilities you've gone through many many experiences but it always starts with just relaxing like well if I could do anything or nothing what would it be getting in touch with that because that's the first step towards our destiny you have to feel it inside even as I was sharing the workbook where it said you are messengers for God but the messenger must first receive the message himself himself before extending it so it's like really getting in touch with where your true calling is and you've been extending it with your children grandchildren the whole context of things and now you're here and it's really your prayer to be activated to really be activated by God because that's where the passion comes in and when you get activated you're not necessarily going to get a 6 month plan or a 5 year plan sometimes you just feel all this energy and it's hard sleeping or you lose your appetite or you start to go through some changes almost like you're morphing into something different and then when something comes in very strong to be able to do it so you wrote to me before this retreat like I am to be there because I don't have a lot of money I am to be there and I am to to connect and sometimes when I'll be with somebody for a retreat or a long retreat we pray together one time a friend of mine Eric after an devotional retreat he came to me and he said are you hearing anything at all and I just said oh just two words traveling minstrel and he said what's that he had to go look it up in the dictionary the traveling part he knew the minstrel is like someone who goes and sings and shares the music and he had been a hypnotherapist he had more of a standard life before that where he had mortgage on his house and he had debts and he had a pip and so on and so forth but amazingly after that point he began to receive all this music and write many many songs and he's traveled many places so it was like a prophecy that two words came out and so sometimes we just have to be patient and wait, spend time join together become very relaxed and then something will point you in a direction and for him that was it he could play the guitar already he was quite good at the guitar but he wasn't used to traveling around and his songs he could play Beatles and Eric Clapton and then the spirit gave him songs and it became his life song his life mission and that's how you move into your destiny to take those skills and you just give them over yeah you just be patient I'm also patient okay that's maybe why you're here too is to allow it to ignite in your heart and then when you start to feel real full like you're cut front of the door or it's ready to burst then that's when you'll be told you'll get a sign yeah because I can be jealous on you that you have such a good connection with Jesus and I want that too yeah it's just we don't have to compare anything but that's the beautiful thing it's like there's just one of us there's just one line that line is igniting and lighting up so instead of comparing it's more like we're here as cheerleaders we're here to cheer each other on always so let's all cheer Hurrah that's beautiful thank you beautiful yes my question is about my heart is beating boom boom I'm here together with someone who's very dear to me we met each other 14 months ago I thought this man he is it I saw him I went to see beside him I thought that's him he loves the course compassionately as I thought we are healers we want to practice psychotherapy pamphlets and we love each other so much when we are together we fight we get into this discussions the feeling he's speaking a different language I speak from my heart my emotion and he comes from a very as I experienced from a very logical scientific analytical path this is beautiful too both array for wisdom to each truth how can we reach each other if you remember from the course of miracles back in the manual for teachers they ask Jesus questions and he gives answers and one of the questions Jesus is what are the levels of teachings and Jesus gets free and the first level is a casual encounter like meeting someone on the street or maybe seeing someone in an elevator it's a very casual encounter and then the second level is a more sustained relationship in which the two could be fairly intense teaching learning situation and then appear to part appear to go ways but he says not to worry each one is taught and learned the most but they can so it's maximum it's very tough for them to know that second one appear to part it's maximum each one is taught and learned the most that they can Jesus is lifting away the guilt even of those kind of sustained relationships and then he mentions the third one which is life-long it's a life-long partner and it's very hopeful and optimistic and he says that and should they decide to learn it the perfect lesson is laid before them and can be learned so he's giving the third level but he also says that these two maybe hostile to each other perhaps for life he says he pops the soulmate balloon just when you were thinking oh and you hear the angel singing the angelic realism now this is not Jesus is not being pessimistic because what he's saying is basically that when you identify with the ego that more than a lifetime you spend lifetimes at avoiding the life lifetimes at avoiding the life and this time around it's like wow we tried it on our own but deep inside we've known we'd be back to heal we'd be back to set things straight even John Lennon who heals wrote a song called instant karma instant karma instant karma instant karma is going to get you going to knock you outside the head better get yourself ready pretty soon you're going to be dead why are we here you don't have to live in pain and fear and why are you there but you're everywhere going to get your share and we all shine on like the moon and the sun and the stars yes we all shine on everyone you see Sean zoomed in to instant karma and we're here from a course of miracles terms trying to go into the whole instant we're trying to really have that whole karmic wheel which is big for us and really brought down to one instant so we can forgive the tiny bad idea for once and for all so actually I think when you're describing where you can say wow our relationship it's very destined and clearly we've been brought together but we're often like the yin and the yang the yin and the yang are in the same house we don't live together okay we haven't got the yin and the yang yet to the same house but that could be coming there's more hostility you don't know you see we have to get to the point where we say wow this is a huge healing that's occurring this isn't a healing between two persons this is huge it's cosmic and you're going to give everything that you can to go for that healing to merge and to awaken in the mind of God as a pure idea in the mind of God it's not really unusual it's not like anything is ever really going wrong even when there's these reflections that sometimes you kind of go what is that it's hard because it's all this love and then these other reflections it's just this unconscious ego coming up into awareness this love is so deep so I want to run away go away get away but then this love is so deep it's so rooted so deep that you cannot live you don't want to live even though it's how can we improve our communication well communication we can think of it as words but it's really what's the intention it's always the attention or the purpose prior to the words it's where this higher communication comes in and I think the movie last night was a good example of they went through a lot a lot of first kind of getting to know each other and then a lot of expressing and then a lot of expressing and fears and doubts that came in so the movie was a long slowly unfolding movie though showing you the progression of all these different steps and it reminds me of that section in the course the obstacles to peace you have to go past you have to transcend four obstacles before you can come into the love of God the fourth obstacle is the fear of God the fear of God's love I had a singer-songwriter traveling with me and we were driving up in Wisconsin and we were out in the area and she was driving and she said oh open the course anywhere you pop it open this arm and read whatever you have from the course of miracles so I just popped the book open and it was the obstacles to peace but by the time I got to number four the fear of God's love she was swearing all over the road she could hardly keep the car on the road it's not the best to do if you're in a vehicle and someone's driving and number four the fear of God's love stay away from the cliff but you know we have to be willing to say yes if I'm going to let the relationship be used in a larger context and to be a blessing to everyone then there is a purification that goes on and when we're following our guidance and when we're being drawn in we're being used it's like a symphony where having everybody play their parts and then you hear the whole thing together and it's absolutely spectacular but that's what's happening so the way you're describing it too even if you live in separate houses that could be that is just allowing just the hostility up but there's a pause where there's a place to go into a tranquil space, the ponder and the pray and come back together and that could very well go that both of you are used in the plan together in different ways but there's a purification and a harmonizing that's occurring first because remember it's not so much the forms and the behavior but it's our attitude that teaches if our words are in alignment with our attitude then that's good that's magnificent but it has to be our attitude so the more you can purify and come to that consistent harmony and love the better then everything you demonstrate will just draw people and you might say that's a witness then you too become a witness to what is possible in terms of the demonstration so that people can go hmm did you see that couple isn't that amazing could you feel them to see the way that he looked at her, the way she looked at him you know it's all the nuances, the looks, the glances and the steadiness of that love the consistency that's that continuity that we've all been searching for we want a continuity we want something that is consistent to last, not here blazing bright like a comet shooting through the night back to darkness we want to be right there with the light joined in that so it's very encouraging actually you should take that part of the course I mentioned just as a as a reminder of what this is all about and of course we talked to the other day to heal relationship section on the course I think that should be read like could be read every day if you're involved in a relationship it's probably good to read that section every day because the ego is always going to try to say get rid of the partner and she's just saying oh you invited the Holy Spirit so now would you not continue to give the faith of the Holy Spirit to complete the purification thank you thank you that's the thing that I've been so insecure in my life it's become because I was always just just just by my parents and them and the sisters and brothers they told me every day I was on duty I couldn't do anything so it's still a big issue for me and I've done a lot of things on stage before I've been a policewoman out of the street and I've seen that so I used to say what the heck but I did it and it was okay but I was always happy not to be insecure I want to be free of it yeah that's the root the root is this unworthyness this deep seated unworthyness and then the characters the family just acted it out so they acted out the feelings and the thoughts of unworthiness and in that sense they were doing a favor only in the sense that they were reflecting back now just thoughts of beliefs starting to show you oh I still have a belief really the ego sets out this split in consciousness which is really the observer or the subject and the object and yet it's too intense to have a split mind it's way too intense because it's not natural at all so it gets projected as a self, a small self a personality self and others including the world so it seems like the characters have all acted out this autonomy and this separation and that's why it's called Course in Miracles because Spirit knows that we need lots of experiences of miracles we need to have everyday miracles, ordinary miracles lots and lots we have to even, he says become miracle minded we have to turn the miracle from an occasional wow into a heaven so we are habitually miracle minded just like people feel with addictions like they can't stop the addiction well we want to get to a point where we become so aligned with spirit and so relaxed so miracle minded that our confidence starts to grow in our true identity how do you do that? well the first part is exposing so it sounds like you know you take non-profession where there would be opportunities and challenges being a police woman in all kinds of ways in our life it seems like we're given a series of opportunities to start to change our tune about ourselves like we've had kind of a dark tune we're singing a dark tune we have to learn to lighten up our tune and be much lighter so I think everyone who's come here coming to a five day retreat is quite an exercise in itself I was saying this morning at breakfast that when I first started to be guided by the spirit to go to retreats or go often and go through different exercises and different experiences I was very very shy and it seems shocking to me I was used to kind of hiding out and being invisible that's where you started I wasn't involved with people still as a problem with expressing myself who was in my mind who was in first expression she's expressing very loud and makes me angry but I noticed in a way I wish I could be not her way but in a way to express it be who I am or is it too much now that's actually the direction that you wanted to move in you know that's what I seemed to be I was sent in many different traveling and meeting people and I remember early on I went to there was only a two hour drive I went to a humanistic psychology conference that was two hours away and they had us run through all these experiential exercises which I was always avoiding I would avoid all these experiential exercises but they had one where we were to pair off and be partnered with someone and then we were to close our eyes which that was very a lot of trust what are you going to do with me now my eyes are closed and then the partner kind of reach out with their hand not touch you but just send love to your heart well when the exercise started I was like yeah yeah right send love to my heart oh yeah after maybe 10 or 15 minutes I just felt this huge warmth in my heart like my heart was opening up so fast and I was going along with it just stealing it and then finally at the end I opened my eyes you just hit her hand was right up in front of my heart and she was just sending love and it was an experience it wasn't a concept it wasn't a theory it was oh wow that feels really good and then that's what little crack that the spirit needs to say okay you followed me there now I need you to do this it takes us on a journey and in some sense that's that's not only why we have retrieved but that's why we start to set up centers because there are people that have we'll say very shy kind of protected closed natures the both Jenny and Helen I know from when I came to Sweden I met Lee over there in fact I was going to do a retreat at this church and they said well there's this woman that may come her name's Lee and she's not even sure she'll even come but she expressed an interest but she said I may not even leave I may not show up but so when I got there Lee was there and we went through this whole weekend very hard opening weekend and then we saved a big experiential exercise for the last one it's called an angel bath where we all lined up like angels and everybody had to go through the angel bath one at a time and be loved and nice things whispered in their ears and touched and goes through this long angel bath in this church well I remember I saved that for the very end it was the last exercise and I looked around and I thought where's Lee Lee was so terrified of the angel bath that she was so shy and so reserved that she had removed herself from the church and she was sitting out on the front steps of the church while everybody else was going through the angel bath but the story doesn't end there because then I kept inviting Lee well you know she was kind of timid and shy and oh my God it's so scary I couldn't possibly be a part of that she was like a timid little mouse in a cartoon and then she kept being invited though and off went Lee Lee was flying across to Utah Lee was flying down to Australia Lee was flying to Mexico Lee spent I don't know how many years maybe five years in our communities and ministries and now she's back in Sweden but she's done such an amazing healing from that timid shy scared persona she has faced so much and she has left so much up about that that she basically went back to Sweden just to I think she got a dog and she's got a quiet life now she's taking more meditative route after putting herself out there for five years and going against her and bringing shyness and letting the spirit work with her now she's come around so sometimes companies you know they have awards for employees like the most improved Lee wins the award five years in a row nobody else in the community touches Lee because Lee had to come from so far she was so shy she was so afraid and she took such courageous steps and in a lot of the books that you see that are put out Lee has done the formatting for a huge number of our books she had very high skills in that area which we needed and so I just give that example of that's possible I want you to know that that's possible it took a lot of courage it took a lot of faith and for her just to go flying off from Sweden to all these different places and just putting herself in a position to heal that really took a lot of courage to follow the Holy Spirit and keep saying yes but when the ego in her was like stop no what are you doing this isn't even who you are you're just trying to hold her back but she's a good example of just it can be done and it happened to me too of course I go around now and I feel so much love and connection but I was hiding out I was hiding out for all the way into my 20s I was hiding out the best one and then do we have time now okay maybe we start with you the next the first, the next time that's right and I don't have to do this anymore yeah I think we also want to honor the kitchen crew and all the staff here who have cooked us lunch and it's time so you and I will start after the other days okay very good now remember 30 30 30 in here is a contrast so enjoy your lunch and enjoy the clean up and enjoy your free time and then we'll come back for 30