 This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. This reading by Chris Hughes. Read ear.blogspot.com Youth a narrative by Joseph Conrad Part one But the dwarf answered no something human is dearer to me than the wealth of all the world Grimms tales To my wife youth This could have occurred nowhere But in England where men and sea interpenetrate so to speak the sea Entering into the life of most men and the men knowing something or everything about the sea in the way of amusement of travel or of bread-winning We were sitting round a mahogany table that reflected the bottle the Claret glasses and our faces as we leaned on our elbows There was the director of companies an accountant a lawyer Marlowe and myself The director had been a Conway boy the accountant had served four years at sea the lawyer a fine Crusted Tory high churchman the best of all fellows the soul of honor Had been chief officer in the P&O service in the good old days when male boats were square rigged at least on two masts and Used to come down the China sea before a fair one soon with stunts all set to low and aloft We all began life in the merchant service Between the five of us there was the strong bond of the sea and also the fellowship of the craft Which no amount of enthusiasm for yachting cruising and so on can give Since one is only the amusement of life and the other is life itself Marlowe at least I think that's how he spelled his name told the story or rather the chronicle of a voyage Yes, I've seen a little of the eastern seas But what I remember best is my first voyage there you fellows know there are those voyages that seem ordered for the illustration of life that might stand for a symbol of existence You fight work sweat nearly kill yourself sometimes do kill yourself trying to accomplish something and you can't Not from any fault of yours You simply can do nothing either great nor little not a thing in the world Not even marry an old maid or get a wretched 600 ton cargo of coal to its port of destination It was altogether a memorable affair It was my first voyage to the east and my first voyage a second mate. It was also my skipper's first command You'll admit it was time. He was 60 if a day a little man with a broad not very straight back With bowed shoulders and one leg more bandy than the other He had that queer twisted about appearance. You see so often in men who work in the fields He had a nutcracker face chin and nose trying to come together over a sunkened mouth And it was framed in iron gray fluffy hair that looked like a chin strap of cotton wool sprinkled with cold dust and He had blue eyes in that old face of his which were amazingly like a boys without candid expression Some quite common men preserved to the end of their days by a rare internal gift of simplicity of heart and rectitude of soul What induced him to accept me was a wonder I'd come out of a crack Australian clipper where I'd been third officer and he seemed to have a prejudice against crack Clippers as aristocratic and high toned. He said to me, you know in this ship. You'll have to work. I Said I had to work in every ship. I'd ever been in ah But this is different a new gentleman out of them big ships, but they're I'd say you'll do join tomorrow. I Joined tomorrow It was 22 years ago, and I was just 20 How time passes it was one of the happiest days of my life Fancy second mate for the first time a really responsible officer I wouldn't have thrown up my new billet for a fortune the mate looked me over carefully It was also an old chap, but of another stamp He had a Roman nose a snow-white long beard and his name was Mahon, but he insisted that it should be pronounced man He was well connected, but there was something wrong with his luck, and he never got on As to the captain he'd been for years in coasters then in the Mediterranean and last in the West Indian trade He'd never been round the capes. He could just write a kind of sketchy hand and didn't care for writing at all Both were thorough good seamen of course and between those two old chaps. I felt like a small boy between two grandfathers The ship also was old her name was the Judea Queer name isn't it she belonged to a man Wilma Wilcox some name like that But he's been bankrupt and dead these 20 years or more and his name doesn't matter She'd been laid up in Shadwell Basin forever so long you may imagine her state She was all rust dust grime Sutter loft so don't deck to me was like coming out of a palace into a ruined cottage She was about 400 tons had a primitive windlass wooden latches to the doors not a bit of brass about her and a big square Stern There was on it below her name in big letters a lot of scroll work with a guilt off and some kind of a coat of arms With a motto do or die underneath I Remember it took my fancy immensely. There was a touch of romance in it something that made me love the old thing Something that appealed to my youth We left London in ballast sand ballast to load a cargo of coal in an olden port for Bangkok Bangkok I thrilled I'd been six years at sea, but it only seen Melbourne and Sydney very good place It's charming places in their way, but Bangkok We worked out of the Thames under canvas with a North Sea pilot on board His name was German and he dodged all day long about the galley drying his handkerchief before the stove Apparently he never slept he was a dismal man with a perpetual tear sparkling at the end of his nose who either had been in trouble or was in trouble or Expected to be in trouble couldn't be happy unless something went wrong He mistrusted my youth my common sense and my seamanship and made a point of showing it in a hundred little ways I dare say he was right It seems to me I knew very little then and I know not much more now, but I cherish a hate for that germ into this day We were a week working up as far as Yarmouth roads and then we got into a gale the famous October gale of 22 years ago It was wind lightning sleep snow and a terrific sea We were flying light and you may imagine how bad it was when I tell you we'd smashed bulwarks in a flooded deck on The second night she shifted a ballast into the Liebau and by that time we've been blown off somewhere on the Dogger Bank There was nothing for it But to go below with shovels and try to write her and there we were in that vast hold Glu me like a cavern the tallow dips stuck and flickering on the beams the gale howling above the ship tossing about like mad on her side There we all were German the captain everyone hardly able to get our feet Engaged in that grave digger's work and trying to toss shovelfuls of wet sand up to windward at every tumble of the ship You could see vaguely in the dim light men falling down with a great flourish of shovels One of the ship's boys we had to impressed by the weirdness of the scene wept as if his heart would break We could hear him blubbering somewhere in the shadows On the third day the gale died out by and by a North country tug picked us up We took 16 days in all to get from London to the Tine When we got into dock we'd lost our turn for loading and they hold us off to a tier where we remained for a month Mrs. Beard the captain's name was beard came from Colchester to see the old man She lived on board the crew of runners had left and there remained only the officers one boy and the steward a mulatto Who answered to the name of Abraham? Mrs. Beard was an old woman with a face all wrinkled and ruddy like a winter apple and the figure of a young girl She court cited me once sewing on a button and insisted on having my shirts to repair This was something different from the captain's wives. I'd known on board crack clippers when I brought her the shirts She said and the socks they want mending. I'm sure and John's captain beards things are all in order now I would be glad of something to do Bless the old woman She overhauled my outfit for me and meantime I read for the first time Sartor Rosatis and Burnaby's ride to Kiva. I Didn't understand much of the first then but I remember I preferred the soldier to the philosopher at the time a preference Which life has only confirmed one was a man and the other was either more or less However, they're both dead and Mrs. Beard is dead and youth strength Genius thoughts achievements simple hearts all dies no matter They loaded us at last we shipped a crew eight able semen and two boys We hauled off one evening to the boys at the dock gates ready to go out and with a fair prospect of beginning the voyage next day Mrs. Beard was to start for home by a late train when the ship was fast. We went to tea We sat rather silent through the meal man the old couple and I Finished first and slipped away for a smoke my cabin being in a deckhouse just against the poop It was high water blowing fresh with the drizzle The double dock gates were opened and the steam colliers were going in and out in the darkness with their lights burning bright a great Plashing of propellers rattling of winches and a lot of hailing on the pier heads I watched the procession of headlights gliding high and of green lights gliding low in the night When suddenly a red gleam flashed at me vanished came into view again and remained The fore-end of a steamer loomed up close I Shouted down the cabin come up quick and then heard a startled voice saying afar in the dark stop a sir a Bell jingled another voice cried warningly. We're going right into that barge sir The answer to this was a gruff all right And the next thing was a heavy crash as the steamer struck a glancing blow with the bluff of her bow against our full rigging There was a moment of confusion yelling and running about Steam roared then somebody was heard saying all clear sir. Are you all right? Asked the gruff voice I jumped forward to see the damage and hailed back. I think so Easiest earn said the gruff voice a bell jingled What steamers that scream man by that time she was no more to us than a bulky shadow maneuvering a little way off They shouted at her some name a woman's name Miranda or Melissa or some such thing This means another month in this beastly hole said man to me as we peered with lamps about the splintered bullocks and broken braces But where's the captain? We had not heard or seen anything of him all that time We went aft to look a doleful voice arose hailing somewhere in the middle of the dock Judea ahoy How the devil did he get there? Hello, we shouted. I'm adrift in our boat without oars. He cried a Belated waterman offered his services and man struck a bargain with him for half a crown to tow our skipper alongside But it was Mrs. Beard that came up the ladder first They'd been floating about the dock in that mizzly cold rain for nearly an hour. I was never so surprised in my life It appears that when he heard my shout come up He understood at once what was the matter caught up his wife ran on deck and across and down into our boat Which was fast to the ladder Not bad for a 60 year old Just imagine that old fellow saving heroically in his arms that old woman the woman of his life He set her down on a thwart and was ready to climb back on board when the painter came adrift somehow and away They went together of course in the confusion. We did not hear him shouting He looked abashed. She said cheerfully. I suppose it does not matter. My losing the train now No, Jenny you go below and get warm. He growled Then to us a sailor has no business with a wife. I say there. I was out of the ship Well, no harm done this time. Let's go and see what that fool of a steamer smashed It wasn't much but it delayed us three weeks at the end of that time the captain being engaged with his agents I carried Mrs. Beards bag to the railway station and put her all comfy into a third-class carriage She lowered the window to say you're a good young man. If you see John captain beard without his muffler at night Just remind him from me to keep his throat well wrapped up Certainly, Mrs. Beard. I said you are a good young man. I noticed how attentive you are to John to captain The train pulled out suddenly. I took my cap off to the old woman. I never saw her again Past the bottle We went to see next day When we made that start for Bangkok we've been already three months out of London We'd expected to be a fortnight or so the outside It was January and the weather was beautiful the beautiful sunny winter weather that has more charm than in the summertime because it is Unexpected and crisp and you know, it won't it can't last long It's like a windfall like a godsend like an unexpected piece of luck It lasted all down the North Sea all down channel and it lasted till we were 300 miles or so to the westward off the lizards Then the wind went round to the southwest and began to pipe up in two days. It blew a gale The Judea Hove to wallowed on the Atlantic like an old candle box. It blew day after day It blew with spite without interval without mercy without rest The world was nothing but an immensity of great foaming waves rushing at us under a sky low enough to touch with the hand and dirty like a smoked ceiling in The stormy space surrounding us. There was as much flying spray as air day after day and night after night There was nothing round the ship But the howl of the wind the tumult of the sea the noise of water pouring over her deck There was no rest for her and no rest for us. She tossed she pitched she stood on her head She sat on her tail. She rolled she groaned and we had to hold on while on deck and cling to our bunks when below in a constant effort of body and worry of mind One night man spoke to the small window of my birth It opened right into my very bed and I was lying there sleepless in my boots feeling as though I'd not slept for years and could not if I tried He said excitedly you got the sounding rod in here Marlowe. I can't get the pumps to suck by God. It's no child's play I Gave him the sounding rod and lay down again trying to think of various things, but I thought only of the pumps When I came on deck they were still at it and my watch relieved at the pumps By the light of the lantern brought on deck to examine the sounding rod I caught a glimpse of their weary serious faces. We pumped all the four hours We pumped all night all day all the week watch and watch She was working herself loose and leaked badly not enough to drown us at once But enough to kill us with the work of the pumps While we pumped the ship was going from us piecemeal the bullocks went the stanchions were torn out the ventilators smashed The cabin door burst in there was not a dry spot in the ship She was being gutted bit by bit the longboat changed as if by magic into matchwood where she stood in her gripes I'd lashed her myself and was rather proud of my handiwork which had withstood so long the malice of the sea and We pumped and there was no break in the weather The sea was white like a sheet of foam like a cauldron of boiling milk There was not a break in the clouds. No not the size of a man's hand. No not for so much as 10 seconds There was for us. No sky. There were for us. No stars. No sun. No universe nothing But angry crowds and an infuriated sea We pumped watch and watch for dear life and it seemed to last for months for years for all Eternity as though we've been dead and gone to a hell for sailors We forgot the day of the week the name of the month what year it was and whether we'd ever been ashore The sales blew away. We lay broadside on under a weathercloth the ocean poured over her and we did not care We turned those handles and had the eyes of idiots as soon as we crawled on deck I used to take a round turn with a rope about the men the pumps and the main must and we turned we turned Incessantly with the water to our wastes to our necks over our heads. It was all one We'd forgotten how it felt to be dry and There was somewhere in me the thought By Jove this is the juice of an adventure something you read about and it is my first voyage as second mate And I'm only 20 and here I am lasting it out as well as any of these men and keeping my chaps up to the mark. I Was pleased I would not have given up the experience for worlds. I had moments of exultation Whenever the old dismantled craft pitched heavily on her counter high in the air She seemed to me to throw up like an appeal like a defiance like a cry to the clouds without mercy the words written on her stern Judea London do or die oh Youth the strength of it the faith of it the imagination of it to me She was not an old rattle trap carting around the world a lot of coal for a freight to me She was the endeavor the test the trial of life. I think of her with pleasure with affection With regret as you would think of someone dead. You've loved. I shall never forget past the bottle One night when tied to the mast as I explained we were pumping on Defend with the wind and without spirit enough in us to wish ourselves dead a heavy sea crashed aboard and swept clean over us As soon as I got my breath. I shouted as in duty bound keep on boys when suddenly I felt something hard floating on deck Striked the calf of my leg. I Made a grab at it and missed it was so dark. We could not see each other's faces within a foot you understand After that thump the ship kept quiet for a while and the thing would ever it was struck my leg again This time I caught it and it was a saucepan At first being stupid with fatigue and thinking of nothing but the pumps. I did not understand what I had in my hand Suddenly it dawned upon me and I shouted boys the house on deck is gone leave this and let's look for the cook There was a deck house forward which contained the galley the cook's birth and the quarters of the crew As we had expected for days to see it swept away The hands have been ordered to sleep in the cabins the only safe place in the ship the steward Abraham However persisted in clinging to his birth stupidly like a mule from sheer fright I believe like an animal that won't leave a stable falling in an earthquake. So we went to look for him It was chanceing death since once out of our lashings. We were as exposed as if on a raft But we went The house was shattered as if a shell had exploded inside it most of it had gone overboard Stove men's quarters and their property all was gone But two posts holding a portion of the bulkhead to which Abraham's bunk was attached Remained as if by a miracle We groped in the ruins and came upon this and there he was sitting in his bunk surrounded by foam and wreckage Jabbering cheerfully to himself He was out of his mind completely and forever mad with that sudden shock coming up on the fag end of his endurance We snatched him up lugged him aft and pitched him headfirst down the cabin companion You understand there was no time to carry him down with infinite precautions and wait to see how he got on Those below would pick him up at the bottom of the stairs. All right. We were in a hurry to get back to the pumps That business could wait a bad leak is an inhuman thing One would think that the sole purpose of that fiendish gale had been to make a lunatic of that poor devil of a mulatto It eased before morning and next day the sky cleared and as the sea went down the leak took up When it came to bending a fresh set of sails the crew demanded to put back and really there was nothing else to do Boats gone decks swept clean cabin gutted men without a stitch for what they stood in stores spoiled ships strained We put her head for home and would you believe it the wind came east right in our teeth it blew fresh It blew continuously. We had to beat up every inch of the way But she did not leak so badly the water keeping him parentably smooth two hours pumping in every four is no joke But it kept her afloat as far as Falmouth The good people there live on casualties of the sea and no doubt were glad to see us a Hungry crowd of shipwrights sharpened their chisels at the site of that carcass of a ship and by jove They were pretty pickings off us before they were done. I Fancy the owner was already in a tight place. There were delays Then it was decided to take part of the cargo out and caulk her top sides that was done The repairs finished cargo reshipped a new crew came on board and we went out for Bangkok At the end of the week we were back again the crew said they weren't going to Bangkok 150 days passage in a something hooker that wanted pumping eight hours out of the 24 and the nautical papers inserted again the little paragraph Judea bark tying to Bangkok coals put back to Falmouth leaky and with crew refusing duty There were more delays more tinkering the owner came down for a day and said she was as right as a little fiddle Poor old captain beer looked like the ghost of a Geordie skipper through the worry and humiliation of it Remember he was 60 and it was his first command Man said it was a foolish business and would end badly. I Love the shit more than ever and wanted awfully to get to Bangkok To Bangkok magic name blessed name mess of a tanya wasn't a patch on it Remember I was 20 and it was my first second mate's billet and the east was waiting for me We went out and anchored in the outer roads with a fresh crew the third she leaked worse than ever It was as if those confounded shipwrights had actually made a hole in her this time We did not even go outside the crew simply refused to man the windlass end of part one This is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain For more information auto volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org This reading by Chris Hughes read ear.blogspot.com Youth a narrative by Joseph Conrad Part two They told us back to the inner harbour and we became a fixture a feature an Institution of the place People pointed us out to visitors as Thalia Bark bit's going to Bangkok has been a six months put back three times On holidays the small boys pulling about in boats would hail Judea Ahoy and if a head showed above the rail shouted Where you bound to Bangkok? jeered We were only three on board the poor old skipper mooned in the cabin man undertook the cooking and unexpectedly developed all of Frenchman's genius for preparing nice little messes. I Looked languidly after the rigging We became citizens of Falmouth Every shopkeeper knew us at the barbers or tobacconist. They asked familiarly. Do you think you'll ever get to Bangkok? Meanwhile the owner the underwriters and the Charterers squabbled amongst themselves in London and our pay went home past the bottle It was horrid Morally it was worse than pumping for life. It seemed as though we'd been forgotten by the world Belonged to nobody would get nowhere It seemed that as if bewitched we would have to live forever and ever in that inner harbour a Derision and a byword to generations of long-shore loafers and dishonest boatmen. I Obtained three months pay and a five days leave and made a rush for London Took me a day to get there and pretty well another to come back, but three months pay went all the same I don't know what I did with it. I went to a music hall. I believe Lunched dined and supped in a swell place in Regent Street and was back in time with nothing But a complete set of Byron's works and a new railway rug to show for three months work The boatman who pulled me off to the ship said hello. I thought you'd left the old thing. She'll never get to Bangkok That's all you know about it. I said scornfully, but I didn't like that prophecy at all Suddenly a man some kind of agent to somebody appeared with full powers He had grog blossoms all over his face an indomitable energy and was a jolly soul We leaped into life again a hulk came alongside took our cargo, and then we went into dry dock to get our copper stripped No wonder she leaked the poor thing strained beyond endurance by the gale had as if in disgust Spat out all the oakum of her lower seams She was recorged now coppered and made as tight as a bottle We went back to the hulk and reshipped our cargo then on a fine moonlit night All the rats left the ship We had been infested with them. They destroyed our sails consumed more stores than the crew Affably shared our beds and our dangers and now when the ship was made seaworthy concluded to clear out I Called man to enjoy the spectacle Rat after rat appeared on our rail took a last look over his shoulder and leaped with a hollow thud into the empty hulk We tried to count them, but soon lost the tail man said Well, well then talk to me about the intelligence of rats They ought to have left before when we had that narrow squeak from foundering there You have the proof of how silly is the superstition about them They leave a good ship for an old rotten hulk where there's nothing to eat to the fools I didn't believe they know what's safe or what is good for them any more than you or I And after some more talk we agreed that the wisdom of rats had been grossly overrated being in fact no greater than that of men The story of the ship was known by this all up the channel from land's end to the forelands And we could get no crew on the south coast They sent us one all complete from Liverpool and we left once more the Bangkok We had fair breezes smooth water right into the tropics and the old Judea lumbered along in the sunshine When she went eight knots everything cracked aloft and we tied our caps to our heads But mostly she strolled on at the rate of three miles an hour What could you expect? She was tired that old ship her youth was where mine is Where yours is you fellows who listen to this yarn and what friend would throw your ears and your weariness in your face We didn't grumble at her To us after at least it seemed as though we'd been born in her reared in her had lived enough her ages had never known any other ship I would just have soon have abused the old village church at home for not being a cathedral And for me there was also my youth to make me patient There was all the east before me and all life and the thought that I'd been tried in that ship and come out pretty Well, and I thought of men of old who centuries ago went that road in ships that sailed no better To the land of palms and spices and yellow sands and of brown nations ruled by kings more cruel than Nero The Roman and more splendid than Solomon the Jew The old bark lumbered on heavy with her age and the burden of her cargo while I lived the life of youth in Ignorance and hope She lumbered on through an interminable procession of days and the fresh gilding flashed back at the setting sun Seemed to cry out over the darkening sea the words painted on her stern Judea London do or die Then we entered the Indian Ocean and steered northerly for Java head the winds were light weeks slipped by She crawled on do or die and people at home began to think of posting us as overdue One Saturday evening I being off duty the men asked me to give them an extra bucket of water or so for washing clothes As I did not wish to screw on the freshwater pump so late I went forward whistling and with a key in my hand to unlock the four-peak scuttle intending to serve the water out of A spare tank we kept there The smell down below was as unexpected as it was frightful One would have thought thousands of paraffin lamps had been flaring and smoking in that hole for days I was glad to get out the man with me coughed and said funny smell sir. I Answered negligently. It's good for the health. They say and walked aft The first thing I did was to put my head down the square of the midship ventilator as I lifted the lid a visible breath Something like a thin fog a puff of faint haze rose from the opening The ascending air was hot and had a heavy sooty paraffin a smell. I Gave one sniff and put down the lid gently. It was no use choking myself. The cargo was on fire Next day she began to smoke in earnest You see it was to be expected for though the coal was of a safe kind that cargo had been so handled So broken up with handling that it looked more like smitty coal than anything else Then it had been whetted more than once it rained all the time We were taking it back from the hulk and now with this long passage it got heated and there was another case of spontaneous combustion The captain called us into the cabin He had a chart spread on the table and looked unhappy. He said the coast of West Australia is near But I mean to proceed to our destination It is the hurricane month too, but we will just keep her head for Bangkok and fight the fire No more putting back anywhere if we all get roasted We will try first to stifle this here damn combustion by one to their We tried we batten down everything and still she smoked the smoke kept coming out through imperceptible crevices It forced itself through bulkheads and covers it oozed here and there and everywhere and slender threads in an invisible film In an incomprehensible manner it made its way into the cabin into the forecastle It poisoned the sheltered places on the deck. It could be sniffed as high as the main yard It was clear that if the smoke came out the air came in This was disheartening. This combustion refused to be stifled We resolved to try water and took the hatches off enormous volumes of smoke whitish yellowish thick greasy Misty choking ascended as high as the trucks all hands cleared out aft Then the poisonous cloud blew away and we went back to work in a smoke That was no thicker now than that of an ordinary factory chimney We rigged the force pump got the hose along and by and by it burst Well, it was as old as the ship a prehistoric hose and past repair Then we pumped with the feeble head pump drew water with buckets And in this way managed in time to pour lots of Indian Ocean into the main hatch The bright stream flashed in sunshine fell into a layer of white crawling smoke and vanished on the black surface of coal Steam ascended mingling with the smoke We poured salt water as into a barrel without a bottom It was our fate to pump in that ship to pump out of her to pump into her and After keeping water out of her to save ourselves from being drowned We frantically poured water into her to save ourselves from being burnt and She crawled on do or die in the serene weather The sky was a miracle of purity a miracle of azure the sea was polished was blue Was pellucid was sparkling like a precious stone Extending on all sides all around to the horizon as if the whole terrestrial globe had been one jewel one colossal sapphire a single gem fashioned into a planet and on the luster of the great calm waters the Judea Glided imperceptibly enveloped in languid and unclean vapours in a lazy cloud that drifted to leeward light and slow a Pestiferous cloud defiling the splendour of sea and sky All this time of course we saw no fire the cargo smoldered at the bottom somewhere Once man as we were working side by side said to me with a queer smile Now if she only would spring a tidy leak like that time when we first left the channel It would put a stopper on this fire wouldn't it I remarked irreverently Do you remember the rats? We fought the fire and sailed the ship to as carefully as though nothing had been the matter The steward cooked and attended on us of the other 12 men eight worked while four rested Everyone took his turn captain included. There was equality and if not exactly fraternity then a deal of good feeling Sometimes a man as he dashed a bucketful of water down the hatchway would yell out hurrah for Bangkok and the rest laughed But generally we were taciturn and serious and thirsty Oh how thirsty and we had to be careful with the water strict allowance the ship smoked the sun blazed past the bottle We tried everything we even made an attempt to dig down to the fire No good of course. No man could remain more than a minute below Man who went first fainted there and the man who went to fetch him out did likewise We lugged them out on deck then I leaped down to show how easily it could be done They'd learned wisdom by that time and contented themselves by fishing for me with a chain hook tied to a broom handle I believe I did not offer to go and fetch my shovel which was left down below Things began to look bad We put the longboat into the water the second boat was ready to swing out We had also another a 14 foot thing on davits aft where it was quite safe Then behold the smoke suddenly decreased We redoubled our efforts to flood the bottom of the ship in two days. There was no smoke at all Everybody was on the broad grin. This was on a Friday on Saturday No work, but sailing the ship of course was done The men wash their clothes and their faces for the first time in a fortnight and had a special dinner given them They spoke of spontaneous combustion with contempt and implied they were the boys to put out combustions Somehow we all felt as though we each had inherited a large fortune But a beastly smell of burning hung about the ship Captain beard had hollow eyes and sunken cheeks. I had never noticed so much before how twisted and bowed he was He and man prowled soberly about hatches and ventilators sniffing It struck me suddenly poor man was a very very old chap As to me I was as pleased and proud as though I had helped to win a great naval battle Oh youth The night was fine in the morning a homeward bound ship passed us whole down the first Retin for months, but we were nearing the land at last Java head being about a hundred and ninety miles off and nearly due north Next day it was my watch on deck from eight to twelve At breakfast the captain observed it's wonderful how that smell hangs about the cabin About ten the mate being on the poop I stepped down on the main deck for a moment the carpenter's bench stood a bath the main mast I leaned against it sucking at my pipe and the carpenter a young chap came to talk to me He remarked I think we've done very well. Haven't we and then I perceived with annoyance The fool was trying to tilt the bench. I said Kirtley don't chips and immediately became aware of a queer sensation Of an absurd delusion. I seemed somehow to be in the air I heard all round me like a pent-up breath released as if a thousand giants simultaneously had said who and Felt a dull concussion which made my ribs ache suddenly No doubt about it. I was in the air and my body was describing a short parabola But short as it was I had the time to think several thoughts in it as far as I could remember the following order This can't be the carpenter. What is it some accident? submarine volcano Coals gas by jove. We're being blown up. Everybody's dead. I'm falling into the after-hatch. I see fire in it The cold dust suspended in the air of the hold had glowed dull red at the moment of the explosion in The twinkling of an eye in an infinitesimal fraction of a second since the first tilted the bench I was sprawling full length on the cargo. I Picked myself up and scrambled out It was quick like a rebound the deck was a wilderness of smashed timber lying crosswise like trees in a wood after a hurricane An immense curtain of soiled rags waved gently before me. It was the mainsail blown to strips I thought the masts will be toppling over directly and to get out of the way bolted on all fours towards the poop ladder The first person I saw was man with eyes like saucers his mouth open and the long white hair standing straight on end Round his head like a silver halo He was just about to go down when the sight of the main deck stirring heaving up and changing into splinters before his eyes Petrified him on the top step. I stared at him in unbelief and he stared at me with a queer kind of shocked curiosity I Did not know that I had no hair no eyebrows no eyelashes that my young moustache was burnt off that my face was black One cheek laid open my nose cut and my chin bleeding I had lost my cap one of my slippers and my shirt was torn to rags of all this. I was not aware I Was amazed to see the ship still afloat the poop deck hole and most of all to see anybody alive Also the piece of the sky and the serenity of the sea were distinctly surprising I suppose I expected to see them convulsed with horror Past the bottle There was a voice hailing the ship from somewhere in the air in the sky. I couldn't tell Presently I saw the captain and he was mad. He asked me eagerly. Where's the cabin table? And to hear such a question was a frightful shock. I had just been blown up You understand and vibrated with that experience. I wasn't quite sure whether I was alive Man began to stamp with both feet and yelled at him. Good God. Don't you see the decks blown out of her? I Found my voice and stammered out as if conscious of some gross neglect of duty. I don't know where the cabin table is It was like an absurd dream Do you know what he wanted next? Well, he wanted to trim the yards Very placidly and as if lost in thought he insisted on having the four yard squared I don't know if there's anybody alive said man almost tearfully Surely he said gently there'll be enough left to square the four yard The old man it seems was in his own birth winding up the chronometers when the shock sent him spinning Immediately it occurred to him as he said afterwards that the ship had struck something and he ran out into the cabin There he saw the cabin table had vanished somewhere The deck being blown up it had fallen down into the lazarette of course Where we had our breakfast that morning. He saw only a great hole in the floor This appeared to him so awfully mysterious and impressed him so immensely that what he saw and heard after he got on deck were mere trifles in comparison and Mark he noticed directly the wheel deserted and his bark off her course and his only thought was to get that miserable stripped Undecked smouldering shell of a ship back again with her head pointing at her port of destination Ban cock. That's what he was after. I tell you this quiet Bode bandied legged almost to form little man was immense in the singleness of his idea and his placid ignorance of our agitation Emotion disforged with a commanding gesture and went to take the wheel himself Yes, that was the first thing he did Trim the yards of that wreck No one was killed or even disabled, but everyone was more or less hurt. You should have seen them Some were in rags with black faces like coal heavers like sweeps and had bullet heads that seemed closely cropped But were in fact singed to the skin Others of the watch below Awakened by being shot out of their collapsing bunks shivered incessantly and kept on groaning even as we went about our work But they all worked That crew of Liverpool hard cases had in them the right stuff It's my experience. They always have it is the sea that gives it the vastness the loneliness surrounding their dark solid souls Well, we stumbled we crept we fell we barked our shins on the wreckage We hauled the mast stood but we did not know how much they might be charred down below It was nearly calm, but a long swell ran from the west and made her roll They might go at any moment. We looked at them with apprehension. One could not foresee which way they would fall Then we retreated aft and looked about us the deck was a tangle of planks on edge of planks on end of Splinters of ruined woodwork the masts rose from that chaos like big trees above a matted undergrowth The interstices of that massive wreckage were full of something whitish sluggish Stirring of something that was like a greasy fog The smoke of the invisible fire was coming up again was trailing like a poisonous thick mist in some valley choked with dead wood Already lazy wisps were beginning to curl upwards amongst the massive splinters Here and there a piece of timber struck upright resembled a post Half of a fife rail had been shot through the foresail and the sky made a patch of glorious blue in the ignoble soiled canvas A portion of several boards holding together had for them across the rail and one end protruded over board Like a gangway leading upon nothing like a gangway leading over the deep sea Leading to death as if inviting us to walk the plank at once and be done with our ridiculous troubles and Still the air the sky a ghost something invisible Was hailing the ship Someone had the sense to look over and there was the helmsman who had impulsively jumped overboard anxious to come back He yelled and swam lustily like a merman keeping up with the ship We threw him a rope and presently he stood amongst us streaming with water and very crestfallen The captain had surrendered the wheel and apart elbow and rail and chin on hand gazed at the sea wistfully We asked ourselves what next I thought now. This is something like this is great. I wonder what will happen. Oh youth Suddenly man cited a steamer far astern Captain beard said we may do something with her yet We hoisted two flags which said in the international language of the sea on fire want immediate assistance The steamer grew bigger rapidly and by and by spoke with two flags on her formast. I am coming to your assistance In half an hour. She was abreast to winward within hail and rolling slightly with her engine stopped We lost our composure and yelled all together with excitement. We've been blown up a Man in a white helmet on the bridge cried. Yes. All right. All right And he nodded his head and smiled and made soothing motions with his hand as though I had a lot of frightened children One of the boats dropped in the water and walked towards us upon the sea with her long oars Four clashes pulled a swinging stroke. This was my first sight of Malay seaman I've known them since but what struck me then was their unconcern They came alongside and even the bowman standing up and holding to our main chains with the boat hook did not dain to lift His head for a glance. I thought people who've been blown up deserved more attention a Little man dry like a chip and agile like a monkey clambered up It was the mate of the steamer. He gave one look and cried. Oh boys. You better quit We were silent. He talked apart with a captain for a time seemed to argue with him Then they went away together to the steamer When our skipper came back we learned that the steamer was the Somerville Captain Nash from West Australia to Singapore via Batavia with males and that the agreement was you would tow us to Anger or Batavia if possible where we could extinguish the fire by scuttling and then proceed on our voyage to Bangkok The old man seemed excited. We will do it yet. He said to man fiercely. He shook his fist at the sky Nobody else said a word At noon the steamer began to tow She went ahead slim and high and what was left of the Judea followed at the end of seventy fathom of tow rope Followed her swiftly like a cloud of smoke with mast heads protruding above We went aloft to fill the sails. We coughed on the yards and were careful about the bunts Do you see the lot of us there putting a neat furl on the sails of that ship doomed to arrive nowhere? There was not a man who didn't think that at any moment the mast would topple over From aloft we could not see the ship for smoke and they worked carefully passing the gaskets with even turns Harbour furl aloft there called man from below You understand this I don't think one of those chaps expected to get down in the usual way When we did I heard them saying to each other well I thought we would come down overboard in a lump sticks and all blame me if I didn't that's what I was thinking myself would answer wearily another battered and bandaged scarecrow and Mind these were men without the drilled inhabit of obedience to an onlooker There would be a lot of profane scallywags without a redeeming point. What made them do it? What made them obey me when I thinking consciously how fine it was made them drop the bunt of the foresail twice to try and do it better What they had no professional reputation no examples no praise It wasn't a sense of duty They all knew well enough how to shirk and lays and dodge when they had a mind to it and mostly they had Was it the two pounds ten a month that sent them there? They didn't think their pay half good enough. No it was something in them something inborn and subtle and everlasting I don't say positively that the crew of a French or German merchantman wouldn't have done it But I doubt whether it would have been done in the same way There was a completeness in it something solid like a principal and masterful like an instinct a Disclosure of something secret of that hidden something that gift of good or evil that makes racial difference That shapes the fate of nations end of part two This is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain For more information auto volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org This reading by Chris Hughes read ear blogspot.com Youth a narrative by Joseph Conrad part three It was that night at ten that for the first time since we've been fighting it we saw the fire The speed of the towing had fanned the smouldering destruction a blue gleam appeared forward shining below the wreck of the deck It wavered in patches. It seemed to stir and creep like the light of a glow worm. I Saw it first and told man Then the game's up. He said we'd better stop this towing or she'll burst out suddenly four and a half before we can clear out We set up a yell rang bells to attract their attention They towed on at last man and I had to crawl forward and cut the rope with an axe There was no time to cast off the lashings Red tongues could be seen licking the wilderness of splinters under our feet as we made our way back to the poop Of course, they very soon found out in the steamer that the rope was gone She gave a loud blast of her whistle her lights were seen sweeping in a wide circle She came up ranging close alongside and stopped we were all in a tight group on the poop looking at her Every man had saved a little bundle or a bag Suddenly a conical flame with a twisted top shot up forward and threw upon the black sea a circle of light With two vessels side by side and heaving gently in its center Captain beard had been sitting on the grating still and mute for hours But now he rose slowly and advanced in front of us to the Misen shrouds Captain Nash hailed come along look sharp. I have mailbags on board. I'll take you in your boats to Singapore Thank you. No said our skipper. We must see the last of the ship. I Can't stand by any longer shouted the other males, you know Hi. Hi. We're all right Very well, I'll report you in Singapore. Goodbye He waved his hand Our men dropped their bundles quietly The steamer moved ahead and passed out of the circle of light Banished at once from our site dazzled by the fire which burned fiercely and Then I knew that I would see the east first as commander of a small boat I thought it fine and the fidelity to the old ship was fine We should see the last of her all the glamour of youth Oh the fire of it more dazzling than the flames of the burning ship Throwing a magic light on the wide earth leaping audaciously to the sky Presently to be quenched by time more cruel more pitiless more bitter than the sea Unlike the flames of the burning ship surrounded by an impenetrable night The old man warned us in his gentle and inflexible way that it was part of our duty to save for the Underwriters as much as we could of the ship's gear According we went to work aft while she blazed forward to give us plenty of light We lugged out a lot of rubbish What didn't we save an old barometer fixed with an absurd quantity of screws nearly cost me my life a Sudden rush of smoke came upon me, and I just got away in time There were various stores bolts of canvas coils of rope the poop looked like a marine bizarre and the boats were lumbered to the gunnels One would have thought the old man wanted to take as much as he could of his first command with him He was very very quiet, but off his balance evidently Would you believe it? He wanted to take a length of old steam cable and kejanka with him in the longboat We said aye aye sir Differentially and on the quiet let the things slip overboard The heavy medicine chest went that way two bags of green coffee tins of paint fancy paint Oh a lot of things then I was ordered with two hands into the boats to make a stowage and get them ready against the time It would be proper for us to leave the ship We put everything straight Stepped the longboats masked for our skipper who was in charge of her and I was not sorry to sit down for a moment My face felt raw every limb ached as if broken I was aware of all my ribs and would have sworn to a twist in the backbone The boats faster stern lay in a deep shadow and all around I could see the circle of the sea lighted by the fire a Gigantic flame arose forward straight and clear it flared there with noises like the whir of wings with rumbles as of thunder There were cracks detonations and from the cone of flame the sparks flew upward as man is born to trouble To leaky ships and to ships that burn What bothered me was that the ship lying broadside to the swell and to such wind as there was a mere breath The boats would not keep a stern where they were safe But persisted in a pig-headed way boats have in getting under the counter and then swinging alongside They were knocking about dangerously and coming near the flame while the ship rolled on them And of course there was always the danger of the masts going over the side at any moment I And my two boat keepers kept them off as best we could with oars and boat hooks But to be constantly at it became exasperating since there was no reason why we should not leave at once We could not see those on board nor could we imagine what caused the delay the boat keepers were swearing feebly And I had not only my share of the work But also had to keep at it two men who showed a constant inclination to lay themselves down and let things slide At last I hailed on deck there and someone looked over. We're ready here. I said The head disappeared and very soon popped up again The captain says all right sir and to keep the boats well clear of the ship Half an hour passed Suddenly there was a frightful racket rattle clanking of chain hiss of water and millions of sparks flew up into the shivering column of smoke That stood leaning slightly above the ship The cat heads had burned away and the two red-hot anchors had gone to the bottom tearing off after them 200 fathom of red-hot chain The ship trembled the mass of flame swayed as if ready to collapse and the four top gallant mast fell It darted down like an arrow of fire Shot under and instantly leaped up within an oars length of the boats floated quietly very black on the luminous sea I hailed the deck again After some time a man in an unexpectedly cheerful But also a muffled tone as though he'd been trying to speak with his mouth shut informed me coming directly, sir and vanished For a long time. I heard nothing but the whir and roar of the fire There were also whistling sounds the boats jumped tugged at the painters ran at each other playfully Knocked their sides together or do what we would swung in a bunch against the ship's side I couldn't stand it any longer and swarming up a rope clambered aboard over the stern It was as bright as day Coming up like this the sheet fire facing me was a terrifying sight and the heat seemed hardly bearable at first On a setty cushion dragged out of the cabin captain beard with his legs drawn up and one arm over his head Slept with the light playing on him Do you know what the rest were busy about they were sitting on deck right aft Round an open case eating bread and cheese and drinking bottled stout On the background of flames twisting in fierce tongues above their heads They seemed at home like salamanders and looked like a band of desperate pirates The fire sparkled in the whites of their eyes gleamed on patches of white skin seams with the torn shirts Each had the marks as of a battle around him bandaged heads tied up arms a strip of dirty rag round a knee And each man had a bottle between his legs and a chunk of cheese in his hand Man got up With his handsome and disreputable head his hooked profile his long white beard and with an uncorked bottle in his hand He resembled one of those reckless sea robbers of old making merry admits violence and disaster The last meal on board he explained solemnly We had nothing to eat all day and it was no use leaving all this He flourished the bottle and indicated the sleeping skipper He said he couldn't swallow anything so I got him to lie down. He went on and as I stared I don't know whether you're aware young fellow. The man had no sleep to speak of for days And there'll be down little sleep in the boats There will be no boats by and by if you fool about much longer. I said indignantly I walked up to the skipper and shook him by the shoulder at last he opened his eyes but did not move Time to leave her sir. I said quietly He got up painfully looked at the flames as the sea sparking around the ship and black black as ink farther away He looked at the stars shining dim through a thin veil of smoke in a sky black black as Erebus Youngest first he said And the ordinary seaman wiping his mouth with the back of his hand got up Clambered over the taffrail and vanished Others followed One on the point of going over stopped short to drain his bottle and with a great swing of his arm flung it at the fire Take this he cried The skipper lingered disconsultately and we left him to commune alone for a while with his first command Then I went up again and brought him away at last It was time the ironwork on the poop was hot to the touch Then the painter of the longboat was cut and the three boats tied together drifted clear of the ship It was just 16 hours after the explosion when we abandoned her Man had charge of the second boat and I had the smallest the 14 foot thing The longboat would have taken a lot of us But the skipper said we must save as much property as we could for the underwriters and so I got my first command I had two men with me a bag of biscuits a few tins of meat and a breaker of water I was ordered to keep close to the longboat that in case of bad weather we might be taken into her And you know what I thought I thought I would part company as soon as I could I wanted to have my first command all to myself I wasn't going to sail in a squadron if there were a chance for independent cruising I would make land by myself I would beat the other boats youth all youth The silly charming beautiful youth But we did not make a start at once We must see the last of the ship And so the boats drifted about that night heaving and setting on the swell the men dozed waked sighed groaned I looked at the burning ship Between the darkness of earth and heaven she was burning fiercely upon a disk of purple sea Shot by the blood red play of gleams upon a disk of water glittering in sinister A high clear flame an immense and lonely flame ascended from the ocean And from its summit the black smoke poured continuously at the sky She burned furiously mournful and imposing like a funeral pile kindled in the night Surrounded by the sea watched over by the stars A magnificent death had come like a grace like a gift Like a reward to that old ship at the end of her laborious days The surrender of her weary ghost to the keeping of the stars and sea Was stirring like the sight of a glorious triumph The masts fell just before daybreak And for a moment there was a burst and turmoil of sparks that seemed to fill with flying fire The night patient and watchful the vast night lying silent upon the sea At daylight she was only a charred shell floating still under a cloud of smoke And bearing a glowing mass of coal within Then the oars were got out and the boats forming in a line Moved round her remains as if in procession, the long boat leading As we pulled across her stern a slim dart of fire shot out viciously at us And suddenly she went down, head first, in a great hiss of steam The unconsumed stern was the last to sink But the paint had gone, had cracked, had peeled off, and there were no letters There was no word, no stubborn device that was like her soul to flash at the rising sun her creed and her name We made our way north A breeze sprang up, and about noon all the boats came together for the last time I had no mast or sail in mind, but I made a mast out of a spare ore and hoisted a boat awning for a sail with a boat hook for a yard She was certainly over-mastered, but I had the satisfaction of knowing that with the wind aft I could beat the other two I had to wait for them, then we all had a look at the captain's chart And after a sociable meal of hard bread and water got our last instructions These were simple, steer north and keep together as much as possible Be careful with that jury-rig Marlowe, said the captain, and man, as I sailed proudly past his boat Wrinkled his curved nose and hailed, you'll sail that ship of yours under water if you don't look out young fellow He was a malicious old man And made the deep sea where he sleeps now, rock him gently, rock him tenderly to the end of time Before sunset a thick rain-squall passed over the two boats, which were far astern, and that was the last I saw of them for a time Next day I sat steering my cockle-shell, my first command, with nothing but water and sky around me I did sight in the afternoon the upper sails of a ship far away, but said nothing, and my men did not notice her You see, I was afraid she might be homeward bound, and I had no mind to turn back from the portals of the east I was steering for Java, another blessed name like Bangkok, you know I steered many days I need not tell you what it is to be knocking about in an open boat I remember nights and days of calm when we pulled, we pulled, and the boat seemed to stand still as it bewitched within the circle of the sea horizon I remember the heat, the deluge of rain-squalls that kept us bailing for dear life, but filled our water-cask And I remember sixteen hours on end, with a mouth dry as a cinder, and a steering-or over the stern to keep my first command head on to a breaking sea I did not know how good a man I was till then I remember the drawn faces, the dejected figures of my two men, and I remember my youth, and the feeling that will never come back anymore The feeling that I could last forever, outlast the sea, the earth, and all men The deceitful feeling that lures us on to joys, to perils, to love, to vain effort, to death, the triumphant conviction of strength, the heat of life in the handful of dust, the glow in the heart that with every year grows dim, grows cold, grows small, and expires, and expires too soon before life itself And this is how I see the east I have seen its secret places, and have looked into its very soul But now I see it always from a small boat, a high outline of mountains, blue and afar in the morning, like faint mist at noon, a jagged wall of purple at sunset I had the feel of the oar in my hand, the vision of a scorching blue sea in my eyes And I see a bay, a wide bay, smooth as glass, and polished like ice, shimmering in the dark A red light burns far off upon the gloom of the land, and the night is soft and warm We drag at the oars with aching arms, and suddenly a puff of wind of puff faint and tepid and laden with strange odours of blossoms Of aromatic wood comes out of the still night, the first sigh of the east upon my face That I can never forget It was impalpable and enslaving, like a charm, like a whispered promise of mysterious delight We had been pulling this finishing spell for eleven hours, two pulled, and he who's turned it was to rest sat at the tiller We had made out the red light in that bay and steered for it, guessing it must mark some small coasting port We passed two vessels, outlandish and high-sturned, sleeping at anchor, and approaching the light, now very dim, ran the boat's nose against the end of a jutting wharf We were blind with fatigue, my men dropped the oars and fell off the thwarts as if dead I made fast to a pile, a current rippled softly, the scented obscurity of the shore was grouped into vast masses A density of colossal clumps of vegetation, probably, mute and fantastic shapes And at their foot the semi-circle of a beach gleamed faintly, like an illusion There was not a light, not a stir, not a sound The mysterious east faced me, perfumed like a flower, silent like death, dark like a grave And I sat weary beyond expression, exulting like a conqueror, sleepless and entranced as if before a profound, a fateful enigma A splashing of oars, a measured dip reverberating on the level of water, intensified by the silence of the shore Into loud claps made me jump up A boat, a European boat, was coming in I invoked the name of the dead, I hailed, Judea hoi! A thin shout answered It was the captain I had beaten the flagship by three hours, and I was glad to hear the old man's voice, tremulous and tired Is it you, Marlowe? Mind the end of that jetty, sir? I cried He approached cautiously, and brought up with the deep-sea lead-line which we had saved for the underwriters I eased my painter and fell alongside He sat, a broken figure at the stern, wet with dew, his hands clasped in his lap His men were asleep already I had a terrible time of it, he murmured Man is behind Not very far We conversed in whispers, in low whispers, as if afraid to wake up the land Guns, thunder, earthquakes would not have awakened the men just then Looking around as we talked, I saw a way at sea, a bright light travelling in the night There's a steamer passing the bay, I said She was not passing, she was entering, and she even came close and anchored I wish, said the old man, you would find out whether she is English Perhaps they could give us a passage somewhere He seemed nervously anxious So by dint of punching and kicking, I started one of my men into a state of somnambulism And giving him an oar, took another, and pulled toward the lights of the steamer There was a murmur of voices in her, metallic hollow clangs of the engine room, Footsteps on the deck, her ports shone, round like dilated eyes Shapes moved about, and there was a shadowy man, high up on the bridge He heard my oars And then, before I could open my lips, the east spoke to me But it was in a western voice A torrent of words was poured into the enigmaticle, the fateful silence, outlandish, angry words, mixed with words and even whole sentences of good English, less strange, but even more surprising The voice swore and cursed violently It riddled the solemn piece of the bay by a volley of abuse It began by calling me pig, and from that went crescendo into unmentionable adjectives in English The man up there raged aloud in two languages, and with a sincerity in his fury that almost convinced me I had, in some way, sinned against the harmony of the universe I could hardly see him, but began to think he would work himself into a fit Suddenly he ceased, and I could hear him snorting and blowing like a porpoise I said What steamer is this, pray? Hey, what's that? And who are you? Cast away crew of an English bark burnt at sea We came here tonight I am the second mate The captain is in the longboat and wishes to know if you would give us a passage somewhere Oh my goodness I say This is the celestial from Singapore on her return trip I'll arrange with your captain in the morning And I say Did you hear me just now? I should think the whole bay heard you I thought you were a shoreboat Now look here This infernal lazy scoundrel of a caretaker has gone to sleep again Curse him The light is out, and I nearly ran foul of the end of this damn jetty This is the third time he plays me this trick Now I ask you, can anybody stand this kind of thing? It's enough to drive a man out of his mind I'll report him I'll get the assistant resident to give him the sack But see, there's no light It's out, isn't it? I take you to witness the light's out There should be a light, you know A red light on the There was a light, I said mildly But it's out, man What's the use of talking like this? You can see for yourself, it's out Don't you? If you had to take a valuable steamer on this godforsaken coast You'd want a light too I'll kick him from end to end of his miserable wharf You see if I don't, I will So I may tell my captain you'll take us I broke in Yes, I'll take you Good night, he said, briskly I pulled back, made fast again to the jetty And then went to sleep at last I had faced the silence of the east I had heard some of its languages But when I opened my eyes again The silence was as complete as though it had never been broken I was lying in a flood of light And the sky had never looked so far, so high before I opened my eyes and lay without moving And then I saw the men of the east They were looking at me The whole length of the jetty was full of people I saw brown, bronze, yellow faces The black eyes, the glitter, the colour of an eastern crowd And all these beings stared Without a murmur, without a sigh, without a movement They stared down at the boats At the sleeping men who at night had come to them from the sea Nothing moved The fronds of palms stood still against the sky Not a branch stirred along the shore And the brown roofs of hidden houses peeped through the green foliage Through the big leaves that hung shining and still Like leaves forged of heavy metal This was the east of the ancient navigators So old, so mysterious, resplendent, and somber Living and unchanged, full of danger and promise And these were the men I sat up suddenly A wave of movement passed through the crowd from end to end Passing along the heads swayed the bodies Ran along the jetty like a ripple on the water Like a breath of wind on a field And all were still again I see it now, the wide sweep of the bay The glittering sands, the wealth of green, infinite and varied The sea blue like the sea of a dream The crowd of attentive faces, the blaze of vivid color The water reflecting it all The curve of the shore, the jetty The high-sturned outlandish craft floating still And the three boats with tired men from the west sleeping Unconscious of the land and the people And of the violence of sunshine They slept, thrown against the thwarts Curled on bottom boards in the careless attitudes of death The head of the old skipper, leaning back in the stern of the longboat Had fallen on his breast And he looked as though he would never wake Father out, old man's face was upturned to the sky With a long white beard spread out on his breast As though he'd been shot where he sat at the tiller And a man, all in a heap in the boughs of the boat Slept with both arms embracing the stem-head And with his cheek laid on the gunnel The east looked at them without a sound I have known its fascination since I have seen the mysterious shores, the still water The lands of brown nations Where a stealthy nemesis lies in wait Pursues, overtakes so many of the conquering race Who are proud of their wisdom, of their knowledge, of their strength But for me, all the east is contained in that vision of my youth It is all in that moment when I opened my young eyes on it I came upon it from a tussle with the sea And I was young, and I saw it looking at me And this is all that is left of it, only a moment A moment of strength, of romance, of glamour, of youth A flicker of sunshine upon a strange shore The time to remember The time for a sigh and goodbye, night, goodbye, he drank Ah, the good old time, the good old time Youth in the sea, glamour in the sea The good strong sea, the salt bitter sea That could whisper to you and roar at you And knock your breath out of you He drank again By all that's wonderful It is the sea, I believe The sea itself, or is it youth alone Who can tell? But you here, you all had something out of life Money, love, whatever one gets on shore And tell me, wasn't that the best time? That time when you were young at sea Young and had nothing On the sea that gives nothing except hard knocks And sometimes a chance to feel your strength That only What you all regret And we all nodded at him The man of finance, the man of accounts, the man of law We all nodded at him over the polished table That like a still sheet of brown water Reflected our faces, lined, wrinkled Our faces marked by toil, by deceptions, by success, by love Our weary eyes looking still, looking always Looking anxiously for something out of life That while it is expected, is already gone Has passed unseen in a sigh, in a flash Together with the youth, with the strength, with the Romance of illusions End of Youth A narrative by Joseph Conrad