 say this to a man to have a healthy romantic relationship. And we're gonna talk about seven crucial topics. You know, it occurs to me that humans are rather naive when it comes to mating these days because for hundreds, if not hundreds of thousands of years we've relied on chemistry and bonding to maintain a healthy happy relationship. And yet it doesn't seem to work. Now, while we might temporarily bond with someone we might temporarily feel that sense of chemistry but it doesn't seem to go the distance. Why doesn't it seem to go the distance? Well, I think we can actually predict this very early on in the dating process in the mating process. You know, ladies, I recognize how frustrating it is for many of you out there in the dating marketplace because it seems like you're meeting one broken man after another broken man, after another broken man. And let me tell you, if you're talking to the man they're saying the same thing. It's one broken woman after another broken woman after another broken woman. Yet this past weekend I spent time with eight other gentlemen of which six of them are in a relationship five of them married. One of them is in a significant relationship. He's moving in with someone, start with his partner, I should say. Four of them met through a dating app or dating site, I should say. So they're relatively newer relationships less than 10 years old. Yeah, that's actually right. Only one of the guys that's been married in our group only one of the guys was married for 25 plus years. So he has children with his wife. Why I'm bringing this up is there are a lot of good men out there. There really are. Now I've often said most men are good guys. They're just bad daters, but I want you to know that good men right here exist. It's just a challenge today, particularly for our demographic, that midlife demographic. And I always say midlife is after baby making years and before retirement because roughly 75% of singles in the dating marketplace, and this is anecdotally speaking are probably divorced. And with divorce comes the unraveling of the tapestry of a life we once had with someone else. And to reintegrate into our sovereignty for ourself. And yet many people are seeking companionship, connection and sex, but they haven't truly reintegrated into themselves to be able to lean into a fully committed relationship. This is why when I work with clients, it's all about discernment. It's all about asking those deeper questions early on. Some of the things we're gonna be talking about today. So you can determine, is he really a viable candidate? Now I know many of you're frustrating because you feel like you just don't even have a viable candidate. You're not even getting up to the plate, so to speak. Because yes, meeting these days with our data or our apps and our devices is rather challenging. It is. I understand that like nobody, I mean like anybody out there, I get that that is rather frustrating. And as we age, we come with it, we come with certain preconceived expectations that block us from actually meeting somebody that could really maybe go the distance with us. And I believe when you actually ask deeper questions of someone, it opens up their heart. See, in dating, it's oftentimes surface. It's more so focused on how physically attracted to people are, instead of asking questions that develop closeness, that develops bonding with another human being. And so we're gonna talk about those seven crucial topics that allow you to potentially bond with someone that might go the distance with you. So what are those topics? And when do you talk about these topics? I'm a believer the sooner the better when two people genuinely like each other. So you know, well, first off, let's think about this. You've gone on a first date and you don't plan on ever seeing the person again. Probably not necessary to ask the questions I'm about to share, okay? Although you could do it for simple practice, right? You could practice some of these things if you don't plan on seeing someone. Now this is where it gets tricky. You like the guy, but he's thinking he's not gonna see you again, okay? Let's say that's the circumstance. Well, you still wanna practice these questions because for a guy who isn't interested in you might be again good practice. What about a second or third date? See, when I think, when we get to a second or third date and it's not based on physical, in other words, he's not in the hunt, you know? Folks, I know you've heard this habitually from so many people, men love the hunt and men love the chase. I just wanna remind you, what do men hunt? Are they walking around going, I'm hunting for a relationship, I'm hunting for a relationship? Do they have their bow and arrow and I'm gonna be hunting for my relationship? I've yet to meet the man that operates that way. Now that's not to say most of the time when they're in the chase or hunt, they are driven by testosterone, they're driven by dopamine, they're driven by the chemical cocktail being released in our brain that makes us wanna be physically intimate with someone. I'm talking about, you get to the third date and you two people actually like each other. You're actually having real civil, intelligent conversations with one another. If you get to a third date with someone, by the way, if sex isn't the primary driver of getting together, if that physical intimacy isn't the primary driver to get together and there's some genuine connection there, this is a great time to start asking deeper questions early on if you want to explore a relationship and I think it's critically important to define right from the get-go is, and this isn't part of what I'm gonna share these seven crucial topics, but to define what does a relationship look like for you? Like what does it look like? Or better yet, ask this question, how does it feel when you're in a really great relationship? I want someone to write that down. Ask a man, how does it feel when you're in a really great relationship? And the follow-up question is, how will you know you're in a great relationship? This really sparks a more heart-centered response. How would it feel? I know for me, folks, you've been following my channel for a while. You know, I think of the idea that when you're in the right relationships, it feels juicy, it feels delicious. These words are intentional because to me, the sweetness of a relationship is like biting into a fruit that just tastes so wonderful because it's ripe. That's how it feels from that perspective. In addition, and I think this is the most important aspect of what it feels like to be in a relationship, it feels safe to be yourself. You feel safe to just be yourself, not to have pretenses, not to have the stereotypical expectation of what it means to be a man or a woman, just to be your authentic self. So it's juicy and delicious, and it's safe and comfortable. That's what it feels like for me. How will I know that when I feel comfortable, when I feel excited? Ask yourself. Ask these questions of yourself. And so you've gotten to a third or fourth date with someone, there's some physical connection between the two of you. I think it's time to have some grown-up conversations. So here are seven topics you may want to consider early on to evoke deeper connection and intimacy, deeper connection and intimacy. And I believe it was Esther Perel that coined intimacy, into me see, I always say, into me you see, but it's into me see. So first, I invite you all to identify what are your core needs in a relationship? What are your core needs? I have a need for closeness. I have a need for reciprocity. I have a need for trust. I have a need for respect. I have a need for physical and emotional intimacy. I have a need for play, just to name a few. Men oftentimes focus on the physical intimacy, so they'll ask sexual questions. But honestly, and I know men get judged for this. They get criticized and oftentimes crucified for wanting to know your sexual preferences early on. But again, you have to recognize that sex is an important need for success in relationships. So let's not be afraid of those sexual questions. Let's embrace it. I know it's kind of tricky because you just don't want him only about set, only focused on sex. And yet, I think it's critically important to identify for yourself your most important needs. And you can share with someone, you know, before I fully commit to someone, I need closeness. I need reciprocity. I need trust. I need play. And this is how it usually looks for me when I'm in a relationship. I'm inviting you all to do a little bit of homework right now and sit with the question of what are your core needs? Because isn't that the whole point of being a romantic relationship is to have your needs met? Isn't that why you're engaging in this dynamic? I mean, unless you need someone to financially take care of you, your core needs is the most, probably one of the most important facets of a relationship for you. Number two, again, by the way, it doesn't have to be in this order. When I thought about roles, you know, we have this, we have traditional gender roles that have been passed down throughout history. And I'm not a big proponent of gender roles, but I am a proponent of roles. I am a proponent of shared duties, okay? And to leverage your strengths, to know your strengths and leverage your strengths, to know your weaknesses and see who can fill those. So many of you know I recently shared, I'm a terrible social planner. I just know this of myself. I'm just not good at it. Not that I can't do it, but on a consistent basis, it's just not my strength. I know this about myself. So ideally, I'm going forward, and by the fact I learned this in my last relationship, but going forward, I'm going to share with someone, this is not my strength, is this your strength? And if it is, will you take on that role? You know, we think of things like who makes the bed and who pays the bills and all that kind of stuff. Let's get really into the heart of a relationship. And again, our traditional gender roles is probably one of the primary reasons why there's so much friction between men and women. I highly recommend reading the book if the Buddha dated, by the way, there's a link below to get a copy of the book. If the Buddha dated. This throws out all the bullshit gender roles and says, how can we connect at a heart-centered level? And I'm going to mention one more book. This is a business book, okay? Oh, where is it? Here it is. It's a business book called The Partnership Charter. How to start out right with your new business partnership. Throw out, throw, put in the word romantic partnership. This is actually a great guide because it's like how do two business people get together and form a partnership? You can apply this to romantic relationships as well. Again, there's a link below to get this book I recommend. All the books I recommend in the show notes under Jonathan recommend books, okay? Identifying roles and know what your strengths are and what your weaknesses are. I call them red flags. What are your red flags? But it's know thyself. When you know who you are, you can show up in relationship which much greater success, okay? Number three, conflict resolution, conflict resolution. These days it's easier to end the wrong relationship than try to work out differences. And I'm here to say is we all need help in communication, we all need education in this space. This is why I highly recommend reading the book Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. But this is just a piece of the puzzle. You know, many of you know I watched Louis Howe's The School of Greatness and he talks about his relationship with his fiance and how one of the early conversations that they had was would you be willing to do counseling on a regular basis, coaching, counseling to help our relationship become stronger, better, you know, stronger, better, faster. I'm thinking of the line from the $6 million man. But that was a real intentional conversation he had talking about it because most, it is impossible to be in a relationship without conflict. And so having these conversations about how was conflict resolved in your childhood with your parents and listen because we model what we learned from our mother and father oftentimes. And folks, look, I told you earlier in this conversation where I was with my men's group. These are all men that are active listeners. These are, there are men out there that can listen and actually articulate in a healthy way when there is conflict. I want you to know these men exist. I know a lot of broken men, they'll run from these topics that I'm talking about. I get it, but who you're gonna invest your heart? That's who I'm more concerned about for you. And someone who's willing to do counseling, someone who's willing to work on this stuff, reading these books together gives you a greater chance of relationship success. Now, number five, no, number four, excuse me. Money, do you realize that 50% of divorces cite money as the primary cause for divorce? So it's naive to act cavalier about money, but Jonathan, men are supposed to pay for everything. That's exactly the way it's supposed to be. I'm not gonna contribute a dollar until we're married. Let me tell you something, that's a very naive approach. If you don't recognize that money plays a significant role even in the dating process, and I know you are being indoctrinated in some old beliefs, but I will tell you that a lot of midlife men do not have the resources to fully support even the entertainment of a relationship. And I would hate you to miss, by the way, remember everybody, two incomes is better than one. So is it worth missing out on a relationship because you have an old paradigm driving the bus? Now, of course, men are gonna pay those first couple of dates. That's just kind of naturally, we were raised that way. But after recognize that having a money conversation can make or break a relationship at some point, and I've heard from you women say to me, Jonathan, I don't wanna be a nurse or a purse. So if that's the case, if you don't wanna be a nurse or a purse, then it's important to have these conversations early on, especially when there's physical intimacy involved. I think if two people are going, now here's the dilemma many of you face. The minute two people are physically intimate, I am a big believer that they have that, well, we'll talk about this in a moment, but have a critical commitment conversation, okay? Folks, you know my narrative, before the penis goes inside the vagina, you read my dating vows to one another. Where is my dating vows? Oh, it's downstairs. You read the dating vows to one another. By the way, there's a link below to get a copy of my dating vows, but it's time to have, of the minute two people are getting to know each other and they're physically intimate, don't let men off the hook and say, oh, I just wanna take it slow. I want it casual. Let's not put a label on it. Well, then don't let them into your vagina then. And money conversation is part of that. Number five. One, two, three, four, five, yeah. Spirituality. You know, I don't think couples talk about their spiritual beliefs. When I say couples, I've noticed that it seems rare that dating includes a conversation about their beliefs beyond what's seen, if you will. I think it's critically important to get assessment. Do we share the same spiritual beliefs? When two people have opposing beliefs, it makes it more challenging. It's not to suggest it won't work. And it depends on how important those beliefs are to you. If those beliefs, if your spiritual beliefs are part of your soul or part of your life, then I think it's critically important to have this conversation. It might not be the most crucial topic, but I certainly would put on the list. What do you think's gonna happen when you pass away? Think about it, you're investing in someone. It'd be nice to know what they think beyond the surface of this life. And if you can live with it, I know for me it's critically important and I invite you all to explore that as well. Number six, trust and commitment. I said it a moment ago. I'm telling you, the conversation about trust isn't just about fidelity, it's about, does this person have my best interest at heart? But really define what trust and commitment is. Even get a sense of how they feel about it prior to physical intimacy. Because why go down, I mean, what's the purpose of dating? If it's gonna be short-lived, do you have a short-term mating strategy or do you have a long-term mating strategy? Those who follow me, I hope it's a long-term mating strategy. In other words, you're not going out on a date expecting it to end. I mean, well, of course it's gonna end that evening. But in other words, you're not doing it just to go from one to the next to the next to the next, okay? You would like to settle down with someone. I think it's important to have conversation. What does commitment look like for you? How will you know when you're ready for a commitment with someone? What's it feel like when you're fully committed with someone, ask these deeper questions. And number seven, and it relates to commitment. What's your vision? What's your direction? What's your vision for your life? What's the direction for your life? Where do you see yourself in relationship or by yourself? Where do you see yourself in a couple of years? For many of us, we are in midlife, it's like retirement, there's a lot of people that can't afford to retire. There's a lot of different nuances, whether they're empty nesters, whether they're gonna have, whether they have children that might have grandchildren. I spoke to a woman who said, look, I just got out of a marriage and she doesn't have children and she doesn't wanna be a grandparent to someone else's children. She just said, for the first time in my life, I wanna play and I don't want that responsibility. She knows that about herself. And so she'll ask that question, how important are grandchildren to the men and men should be asking that to women as well because that's a factor to consider in your vision for your life. I'm just using that as one of many examples to explore. So just to recap are seven crucial topics, needs, roles, conflict resolution, money, spirituality, trusting commitment and vision or direction, whether it's shared or not. Did this content sink in with you? Did it resonate? Please let me know, post a comment below. I'd like to hear your thoughts on everything. If it did and you liked this video, please hit that like button and please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell so you can be notified of new videos. And also, if you wanna connect with me, right here is a link to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. There's links below to join my group called Midlife Love Mastery to follow me on Instagram to get the books I recommend to get my dating vows all in the show notes and in the first comment. All right, those who know when I do a live stream, this is the time for Q and A. If you have a question of me, write the word question in the chat box or you can write the word question and post the question thereafter or you can purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat. All the monies from the Super Sticker Super Chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. That's a picture of him right there, Salty. He's my son who passed away over five years ago and his honor we donate to causes like the Hoffman Process Insight Institute, just to name a few. So our goal today is $50. We would love some love, really appreciate it. Just hit that dollar sign there and if you're watching the replay, hit the super thanks. Okay, let's see what's going on here. Karen wrote, when online dating, I believe professing the most important things on your bio faith, trust, commitment, sex, marriage, what do you see? I think it's important to share where you're at in that space, absolutely, I agree with that. Sherry says, Melanie finances require negotiation, most dating and relationships aren't 50-50. I would agree most, because they don't have conversations of what they are. I've always believed the person who makes the most should contribute the most. That's kind of the way I've operated. B says, I love it when you talk into female boys, but Jonathan, I might, how do you feel about me getting a T-shirt that says, but Jonathan? Let's keep going here, bum, bum, bum. Sharon says, Jonathan gender roles have been disrupted from societal standpoint, as much as we want to embrace traditional gender roles, our parents taught us the partnership book and others are very helpful. Yes, folks, if traditional was so fantastic, why did 50 years ago, 1960s were the proliferation of divorces? Now, a lot of people want to blame the feminist movement, but I believe, first off, ladies, you can't guarantee that someone's gonna take care of you. You have to take care of yourself, okay? The traditional men are taking care of, that doesn't exist anymore. We have to take care of ourselves, and I've always said two is better than one. All right, let's keep going here. Lee is in the house and she has a question. What do you think about a guy who seems to be stuck in the past? Love's life is before when his kids were little, life was easier, I've asked him. This is a very common tale. Some people are deeply wounded from their past relationships, or deeply wounded from their parents, and especially if they have a fantastic memory and they remember every detail. Like almost like they were keeping score, and they have a laundry list of every hurt, it's very difficult to be in relationship with a person like that. I would say that's a challenge when someone is stuck in the past. That means that some healing is needed so they can move on. And I would say some individual therapy for that person would be beneficial, but I can recognize how that might be a challenge. So thanks for bringing that up, I appreciate it. All right, Kara's in the house. How long should you date before becoming intimate? I wanna wait till marriage, but that doesn't seem realistic. I would venture to say I highly doubt most men, not all, most men would wait much past 10 days, just as a generalized number. I would say if we looked at it from a time perspective, I highly doubt most men would wait past two months. I'm not, that's a generalized statement. Sex is part of the decision-making process of a relationship. I mean, I think we have to recognize that. And since, because of birth control, we don't have to worry about pregnancy. So then it becomes the biggest issue would be STD or bonding with a person. I'm just saying how long you should wait, you have to answer that for yourself. I'm just saying probably I would say it's rare that most men wait much past 10 dates with somebody, but that's just an arbitrary number. And it just was a round number that I could share. By the way, there used to be the three date rule. If you hadn't had sex by the third date, you rarely got a fourth date. So you have to do what's right for yourself. That's an individual question. Okay, B says, please do the rest of the vlog in a woman. How do I do a woman voice? That would be funny. By the way, someone commented on my haircut. I get my haircut every four weeks. So yes, thank you for the compliment. I agree with that. Sherry says, most traditional relationships and marriages fail, they are asymmetrical. And you know what? I think because we are in completely different times, I think instead of looking at a traditional relationship, I'm here to invite everyone to co-create the type of relationship they want. And that's why my advice is based on having deeper conversations early on. Hey, how about some love for the Conor Asley Scholarship Fund? Hit that little dollar sign. I'd love to get some donations tonight. Nancy says, how do you deal with an ex-wife who is crazy and still trying to get back with him? Even if their son is 18 and no minor children. That's a tough one, because what is it? You're not buying the cow, you're buying the entire ranch, so to speak. I think setting a boundary with that person through some sort of text message, email, communication, setting a boundary, making a request of your partner to set a boundary. I think that's the best you can do. This is outside of my area expertise. And what I mean to say is, I don't know if a counselor can give you better advice, but I would certainly make a request of your partner to establish a boundary with their ex-partner. And then it depends on their relationship with their ex-partner too. Sometimes we have to block telephone numbers, that sort of thing. Unfortunately, love that ends can bring out the worst in a person. Love that ends can bring out the worst in a person. And sadly, that's often the case. So we have to recognize that when you're dating a divorced person, you oftentimes comes with it a contentious spouse. I would seek counseling to get some advice for yourself on how to navigate the emotional effects of that. I know when I did Insight Seminars, you can Google insightseminars.org or .org, I believe. We did something learning what's called neutrality and how to be neutral in our emotional wellbeing because you also have to regulate your own emotions over this. We can't change other people. So what you can do is navigate your own emotions, Nancy. So thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it. Melt is in the house. When in a long distance relationship, what sort of timeline would be suitable before seeking to merge lives? I mean, for some people, it could be 60 days. For some people, it could be six months. For some people, it could be six years. Everybody has got to decide that for themselves. It depends on how far the distance is. I have a dear friend. She's been in a relationship with a man who lives 35 miles away. They see each other. I mean, throughout their entire relationship, they average three or four days and nights a week together on average, sometimes even more than that. And they are finally moving in together after five years. That's 35 miles. Are we talking 350 miles? Are we talking 3,500 miles? I think you have to build trust. By the way, you should have a conversation about needs, roles, conflict, money, spirituality, trust and vision. I think if you have all those conversations, then if you're in love with each other, then find a way to make it work. I would say when you're in love with each other, that's the time to have deeper conversations. Just cammy. Is it a yellow flag, perhaps when your friend tries to set you up with his brother saying he's never had a serious relationship because he's picky and only likes women who look like models? Well, it's a red flag, probably more than anything. I don't know if it's a yellow flag. It's probably a red flag in that in as much as, I guess the question is, do you want the same things in life? And is he attracted to you? If he's attracted to you and you have the same desires in life, that's probably worth exploring if he's not, by the way, but most likely this is a guy that chases sex, most likely not always, but certainly it's a red flag. The fact that the brother is warning you, it's like, look, I'm gonna set you up, but there's a good chance this isn't gonna work out. So you're taking your life in your own hands. I just don't think that's a very protective friend, right? If they're trying to set you up with someone that they know is probably a bit of a dog. I'm just giving you the heads up the way I see it. And that's just a rough idea of that. Thank you so much. By the way, how about some love? Donate to the Connor Asley Scholarship Fund. Jeanette's in the house. Jeanette says, how do I kindly let a man know who's really interested in me that he's not a good fit for me? He has health issues, a 13 year old is 13 years older than me. Well, you don't have to give the specifics, just say, you know what, Jim, I really think you're a wonderful human being. I just don't feel like we're a fit for each other. And I'm not going to pursue anything beyond, you know, a friendship with you. Now, if he asks you why, just say I'd like to keep that private to myself. You don't have to give the why. You just say, I don't feel like we're a fit for each other. You could be shooting yourself in the foot. He could be the greatest love of your life. You could die before he dies. Okay, just so you know, you might die before he does. And by the way, everybody older has health issues. Listen, I have hypertension. You know, most every woman I've ever dated over 50 is on some form of medication. So I'm just going to say, you might be shooting yourself in the foot. Sherry says, I make men wait 90 days for sex. How's that working for you? Does that actually work? Let us know. Anika, she's in the house. What do you make of a guy that doesn't ask deeper questions, but I do? How do I give him space to open up to ask those questions? Start asking him feeling questions. Just start barraging him with feeling questions. How does that feel for you? What does that feel like for you? Just start barraging him with feeling questions. It will drive him crazy. But it might open up his heart. Maybe. Gigi says, I'm leaving for BVI next week, British Virgin Islands. I'm tied up until mid June. He wants to do a boat trip. He's building a 65 foot sailboat, wants to live on it, is looking for a first mate. Hey, looks like you have your life all set. Congratulations. Luanne says, my husband turned 53, quit his job, locked out us and then my kids. My two girls moved with their boyfriends. I've never been alone before. I was very hurt. How do I know if I'm healed from this? Oh, Lorianne, I'm sorry you've gone through this. I quit his job, locked you out of the house. That really sucks. Is your question, how do you know you're ready to date again? I think forgiveness, forgiveness both for yourself and for him is probably when you know you've healed, if you've reached that point. But when you don't feel a charge over this kind of hurt thing that they do, when you no longer feel a charge, that's when you're actually healed. But if you're asking when you should date, I would certainly hope that you're divorced. That would be a good time after your divorce. Okay. Um, Missy D says that's my favorite too, but when you say, but Jonathan. Thank you, I appreciate that. Sharon's in the house. A man I dated wasn't happy. I get on well with my ex. He hated his ex. I don't think it's weird to have a good relationship with ex. Is that really uncommon? You know what? I mean, my ex-wife. Okay, so my ex-wife and I were contentious for probably the first, well, no, seven to 10 years after the divorce. Let me think. Yeah, probably seven years. And then it started to get better. And like, you know, they say time heals wounds. That's part of it. Certainly us losing a child together brought us closer together. But I have a fairly good, I would say, and we're not friends, but we're family with one another. And that's even, I actually feel a stronger bond with my ex-wife. For my most significant relationship after my divorce, we are family to each other. I consider us friends in that capacity. And even Marie, who is most recent in my life, we are friendly to each other. I think it's healthy when you can uncouple in a healthy way and remain friendly with an ex. Doesn't mean you have to be friends, but you can be friendly to them. I think that's healthy, but that's just me. If you have a question, write the word question and post the question thereafter. Missy says, I'm not trying to be rude, but are you tired of relationships period? I don't give a crap about relationships anymore. I just love Jonathan's advice and he makes me laugh. You know, folks, I have my good days in my bed. If you're asking me, I have my good days and my bad days, you know, I'd say for the last week or so, I've been feeling down. I don't know if that has to do with retrograde or not. And when I'm feeling a little down, I don't feel like going out and meeting anyone to go out on a date. I mean, honestly, since my significant relationship ended eight months ago, I actually haven't really gone on a date with anyone. I've met some females. I've met some women from a social perspective but not in a romantic context. You know, as we age, it is more challenging. We are more set in our ways. We are more established in our lives and finding someone who can fit. You know, oftentimes we're trying to put square pegs and round holes. And so I do believe from a spiritual perspective, there is a perfect, what is it a perfect lid for every pot, so to speak. But I can, I understand why emotionally, many people feel like giving up. That's why curating the best life for yourself matters more than being mated with someone because even look at my father, 98 years old, my mother passed away seven years ago. He's been single for seven years. He was married for 66. But at the end of the day, we've got to learn to embrace this for ourselves. That's my opinion anyway. Thank you so much for that. Jeanette, thank you for the $5 super sticker. That means we're $45 more away from our goal of $50 tonight. Robin is in the house. Do you think it's wrong to prefer the old time roles? No, I don't think it's wrong to prefer that. I think we have, I think it's rare. I think a lot of people are tired of expectations. I think just be naturally who you are. I'm very well aware I have some strengths as a man and I have some weaknesses as a man. I have some strengths from my feminine side and I have some weaknesses from my feminine side. I just don't subscribe to roles. I just subscribe to this is what I'm good at, what are you good at, and let's just figure out the rest. But not based on penis or vagina. That's just my opinion anyway. Gloria says, Jonathan, it's an eclipse season, the mercury retrograde, is that okay? It's a big healing period. I guess that's what I'm going through right now. Maybe that's why there's some issues with the video right now. From some of you saying that there's some issues with the video, I'm sorry, maybe that's it. Question, a man, oh, a girl's life. She says, question, a man dated, a man I dated stopped responding to my text. There was no contact on both sides for five weeks. Started talking again via text. He asked if I missed him. I replied, yes, and now he will not get back to me. Well, he was fishing. He was fishing to get validation from you and you played into it. How about, I'll answer you when you answer me. But I'm sorry that's happened to you. So anyway, yeah, there's not a real question there, but just move on from that guy. Annika's in the house and gave us a $5 super sticker. That means we're $40 away from our goal of $50 tonight. B says, Jonathan, as you talk about retrograde, do you believe in astrology? I do, I follow Canier and this helps me in life and general check him out. So, lately I'm into what's known as human design. Human design, someone write that in the chat box, human design. There's, I believe, five or six different types of human design. Mine happens to be a projector, which represents 20% of the population. I think it's one of the reasons. It's, and as I reflect on what a projector is, it feels true for me. It is tied to your astrological sign. I believe, okay, so I believe that the moment we are born, it represents a coordinate out in the universe. The date, time, location that you're born represents a coordinate into the universe, into the matrix, if you will, okay? I believe that. And I believe that there are some aspects of astrology, numerology, human design that actually has some validity to it. Now, look, folks. Am I right? I have no proof one way or the other, but it allows me to sleep at night a little bit better than I normally do by having these beliefs. Some people think I'm nuts. Some people think I'm cuckoo. Some people don't believe in God. Some people don't believe in heaven. Some people do. Some people believe in spirit, in a universal spirit. We all have our beliefs. And I think those beliefs allow us to sleep better at night kind of thing. So to answer your question, yes. And I would like someone who shares my belief just because I think it's fun talking about shit. You know, those of you who follow my channel know there's a meme that I share frequently. And I wanna read it to everybody, but the meme goes like this. See if I can share it here. I hate small talk. I wanna talk about, oh, it's too fuzzy. I wanna talk about Adam's death, alien sex, magic, intellect, the meaning of life, far away galaxies, music that makes you feel different, memories, the lies you've told, your flaws, your favorite scent, your childhood, what keeps you up at night, your insecurity and fears. I like people with depth who speak with emotion from a twisted mind. I don't wanna know, what's up? How's your day going? Did you have a good day? That's not what I wanna know. Anyway, thanks for that question. Oh, Texas Stardust says, feeling a bit down tired due also to the recent geomagnetic storm, mercury and retrograde and very powerful eclipse coming up. Yeah, I'm feeling it big time, you guys. I'm really, I'm gonna say I've been a little bit depressed. I've been a little bit depressed of late and I'm not happy about it. I don't like feeling down. I was watching a documentary last night that I really shouldn't have, but it talks about how divisive we are here in United States and polarized with whether we call it fake news, where we call it propaganda, where there's this absolute friction amongst human beings and it really saddens me. It saddens me. In fact, by the way, I just put a link. If anyone wants to talk to me right now, I just put a link there to jump on so you can join the hot seat with me. I just put the link there. But I'm saddened by the divide amongst people, particularly in the relationship realm. It truly saddens me. And I feel the weight of so many of you that you genuinely want to be in a healthy, happy relationship and at the same time, many of you frustrated and I can relate to it on so many different levels. That's why a lot of my advice comes from my own personal experience because I can relate. So anyway, thanks for allowing me to share there. Sunny Pie says, how do you differentiate from a slow fade to just wanting space? Well, you know what? I don't think it's unhealthy to have a practice of space. I think it's very healthy to have space within your relationship and identify it early on. So ideally, if someone says, you know what? I just need a little bit of space. I think it's good to have built-in space in your relationship and make requests for space. I think slowly fading is indicative of problems that aren't being addressed in a relationship and the slow fade is because some human beings just don't know how to articulate their feelings in a way that they don't know how to identify their feelings, let alone articulate their feelings. And the problem is because most relationships are casual, they're not partnership-oriented relationships. They're gonna fade because most people don't know how to integrate their lives together in the form of partnership until you definitively decide to become partners with one another, you're taking a gamble because it's easy to... Because friction will cause resistance and that resistance will cause the slow fade. Those are just some rough thoughts on that. So thank you for that. What about a medium talk? I talked to a medium after my son passed away. It didn't really make that big of a difference for me, but that was just that one. I did it twice. Texas Stardust says, thank you, Jonathan. Yes, it can deplete one's energy field and a lot of things in general. Everything is energy, everything is connected. I agree, Sally is in the house. Jonathan, I love that meme. That's what I want to talk about too. When you get my dad, wait, when I get my dad pointed out the stars in Canada night sky to me and my siblings, then I saw a shooting star. Aw, that's sweet. All right. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Gloria says, John, yes, the news is very low vibration. We often don't need it unless the news is related to your field. I get more than enough news from my friends. So I do consume a lot of content in the relationship realm. And I think a lot of my contemporaries, myself included, were focused on how to avoid the wrong guy. I wish I could wave a magic wand for you all. Here's, okay. I was watching Fantastic Beasts, the whole Harry Potter, J.K. Rowling series. And I wish we had that wand where we could manifest our perfect guy. We had a genie and the perfect person. So we don't even have to date. We could just go straight to relationship. But I think there's a reason why we are all experiencing frustration in the dating realm. It's because I think on a spiritual level, we're here to learn how to love ourselves, folks. I didn't talk about my book yet. What the heck is self love anyway? A journey of personal development, self-help and spiritual work. I think if you follow my channel is because my message for everyone is know thyself, love thyself is to embrace our sovereignty. I'm feeling depressed right now. I'm not happy about it. I'm depressed is a pretty strong word, but I would say I'm feeling blue, okay? I meditate, I do affirmations, I breathe all of this to regulate my nervous system. And traditionally work, work, work, work, work, work, work, but work is just a distraction from your feelings. God is gift, God, universe, spirit. I call it Gus, God, universe, spirit gifted me with a profession where it allows me to explore my thoughts and feelings. And I do this because when we can identify our feelings and we can articulate it, we make better partners to someone. And that's why many of you appreciate me, which I thank you from the bottom of my heart because I've spent hours upon hours upon hours upon hours upon hours upon hours in group settings and individual settings and coaching so I can learn how do I take it to learn to identify what I'm feeling and then how to identify it. And I'm inviting you all to do the same. And if you need some support, right here, schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. Mara says, that's funny. Vince Vaughn said, I hate forced politeness. I think about that all the time, small talk sucks. Was that from wedding crashers? Remember that scene where his assistant was asking him about setting him up on a date and he gives you all the litany of why he's not dating? I thought, is that when he said that? Don't be curious. Cecilia's in the house. Hallucination is a precursor for sleep. Life is a shared illusion. I fully subscribe to that. Life is an illusion. Sherry wants to know, Jonathan, how do I avoid the wrong guy is essential dating skill? Yeah, but I get it. I'm just tired of, I'm sad, you guys. I'm sad that we can't all find our perfect mate just like that. When are we gonna find the genie in the bottle? I really want everyone to meet that special person, that person. Life is hard when you're by yourself. It's hard to do this all alone on an emotional level. It takes a lot of inner courage. And I don't mean this from a place of weakness. I'm just recognizing that. I mean, some people have their libido in their professional life so they're so focused and hyper-driven that all the other stuff doesn't matter. But at the end of the day, even George Clooney said it. He said it best in the movie, Up in the Air, but look at even the quintessential bachelor. We'll see if Leonardo DiCaprio over settles down. But he said in the movie, Up in the Air, life is better with company. Not all of us will get it. That's a reality. So we've got to make our company with those that are in our circle. But I really, truly wish everyone could find their lid to their pot, so to speak. One of my friends said there's a butt for every car seat. Anika says, isn't there another book you wrote as well? Understand, man, in more books or programs you work on? Yeah, actually I have. By the way, I wrote, this is my first book called Understand Men Now, The Relationships Men Commit to and Why. It is so fucking cheesy. It's a very cheesy book, but yeah, it does exist. Oh my God. Oh my God. So there's my book, Understand Men Now. Yeah, it's in the links below. And then coaching with me. Yes, indeed. Jonathan, sending hugs to you from the UK. I determined to stay ahead of this negative energy and try to be happy. You're a great guy. Thank you for your advice. Oh, thank you so much. I appreciate it. Kristen wants to know, is there no chance for you and Marie? I think she's a fantastic woman. Many of you keep bringing it up. I'm gonna tell you with about 99.9999999999999% certainty that that's not gonna happen. She's off doing her own thing. I'm doing my own thing. We weren't meant to go the distance. We weren't meant to go the distance. But she was a great person in my life and I'm so grateful beyond words. But no, and I don't want it either. I think she's a great person, but I don't think we are aligned in that way. Natty Craft says, I need my genie. There you go, me too. Sunny Pie says, DiCaprio seems to enjoy his singleness. Yeah, I think so too. Let's see. Sherry says, who in our circle matters most? Wait, who is in our circle matters most for all of us? I agree. I know you guys like Marie. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. Puh, puh, puh, puh, puh. Mara says, depression is hard. Can't bring your best self. I'm there at the moment, wouldn't want to put anyone through it. I'm gonna retract something. I'm not depressed, I'm just feeling blue. I don't know if it's the mercury in retrograde shit, but I am feeling blue. And just like our love says, I felt blue and cried yesterday and caught myself and focused on what I'm grateful for and it helped me feel less. Exactly, I focus on my gratitude and I got to see my son yesterday for Easter. Okay, this will be our last one. Jonathan, when I can't identify and put a name to what I'm feeling in the moment, I learned to just sit with it and feel it, feel it out, reach into it just to see what comes up. What do you think? Absolutely, I think that's exactly just, actually get a feelings list. Everybody, hold on a second. I'm just gonna get up for a second. I'm gonna keep talking. So just keep listening to me, but this is right there where I wanted to pick up this feelings list. Look at me, feelings list. Acceptance, open, calm, centered, content, aliveness, joy, amazed, aw, bliss, delightful, angry, annoyed, agitated, aggravated, bitter, courageous, powerful, adventurous, brave, capable, depressed, sad, anguished, depressed, despondent, connected, loving, accepting, affectionate, caring, compassion, disconnected, numb. Look at, there are so many words in the English language. Grab yourself to feeling list. I got this at the Hoffman process, but grab yourself a feeling list. Look at how many feelings are and start, look at that. So let's see. I'm feeling a little numb, a little empty, a little listless, a little ashamed, humiliated, afraid. These are what I'm actually feeling, folks. I mean, this is what, before I got ready for this video and I love, I get up for these videos because this brings me joy, okay? But I'd be lying if I didn't say I felt fear, anxious, apprehension, nervous. And yet I'm tapping into encourage, optimistic, and my heart is feeling tender and caring. These are all feelings that ring true for me. So grab a feelings list for everyone. I invite you to do that, okay? By the way, did this content resonate with you? Did my personal shares resonate with you? If it did, post a comment below. I'd like to hear your thoughts. As always, if you find value in my videos, please hit that like button. Please share my channel. Please hit that, please send your friends, share my channel. And if you like this content, hit that notification bell so you can be notified of new videos. And if you wanna connect with me directly, check out the links below to a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. Join my Instagram, follow me on all those places. It'll be in the first comment as well. And I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do. First off, give myself a big, gigantic Jonathan Barak of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love at that. So I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. Someone did ask me a question. Why don't you date your followers? Because I have followers all over the world. I mean, by the way, how am I supposed to go out with 180,000 women all at once? If somebody happens to be near here, I'd be happy to, if a circumstance is available to meet most anyone for coffee, if they happen to be in my neck of the woods of Los Angeles, okay? So thank you, Lulu, for that. All right, I wanna thank B and Sally and Cecilia and Sherry and Power of Chi and Sunny Pie and Facebook group member and Janie and Melanie and Lulu and Texas Stardust. And everyone, thanks for your love. Really appreciate it. Cecilia says, don't date your followers. Okay.