 بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم سلام عليكم ورحمة الله تعالى وبركاتها الحمد لله رب العالمين والصلاة والسلام على سيدنا محمد وعلى آله وصحبه ومن تبعهم بإحسان إلى يوم الدين أما بعد قال الله سبحانه وتعالى في كلامه المجيد والفرقان الحميد فأعوذ بالله من الشيطان الرجيم بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم ولقد كتبنا في الزبور من بعد الذكر أن الأرض يريثها عبادية الصالحون إن في هذا لبالغل لقوم عابدين وما أرسلناك إلا رحمة للعالمين صدق الله العلي العظيم I begin in the name of Allah most gracious, most merciful I bear witness that there is none worthy of worship except Allah and that his beloved Prophet Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم is his last and final messenger we begin on this Mubarak Friday expressing our gratitude and asking Allah سبحانه وتعالى for his help his mercy, his blessings, his assistance and praying and begging that may he continue to bless us our families, our existence and everything that we have and everything around us أمين يا رب العالمين The verse that I began with reciting are three verses 105 through 108 of Surah Al-Anbiya in the Quran where Allah سبحانه وتعالى mentions ولقد كتبنا في الزبور من بعد ذكر أن الأرض يريثها عبادية الصالحون and we wrote in the Psalms this Zaboor after having sent down the Torah that the righteous the people that are righteous will inherit the earth then Allah سبحانه وتعالى says that this is a message for those who worship Allah سبحانه وتعالى وما أرسلناك إلا أمتل العالمين and we have not sent you except as a mercy to mankind now interestingly enough as we are about to begin very soon the month of ربيع الأول the first spring this is a verse which is oft quoted and which would be the most perfect verse of the Quran to begin any khatira and any lecture with that we have not sent you oh messenger of Allah صلى الله عليه وسلم peace and blessings of Allah be upon him except as a mercy to mankind but in that I want to address that slightly differently today we know the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم as the most merciful of you know merciful human beings right the Nabi صلى الله عليه وسلم just had mercy and compassion towards everyone everyone and everything لقد the closing verses of Surah Tawbah لقد جاءكم رسولهم من أنفسكم عزيز عليهم عنيتم حريص عليكم بالمؤمنين رأوف الرحيم right the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم desires for you to accept Islam بالمؤمنين رأوف رحيم he's very kind extra kind and merciful towards the believers but then we also see an example of the prophet محمد صلى الله عليه وسلم as an individual who was merciful to even those that did not believe in Allah سبحانه وتعالى now with that said when we talk about the mercy of the Nabi صلى الله عليه وسلم of course Allah is the most merciful of all merciful ones but of his creation the Nabi صلى الله عليه وسلم is extremely merciful but in that there were a few times and that's what I want to begin with today there were a few times in which the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم made a prayer made a prayer against those individuals who had transgressed very far right that their transgression had gone so far that the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم made a dua against them made dua for Allah سبحانه وتعالى to deal with them and this was not the general habit of the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم the general habit of the prophet of Allah was to ask for mercy was to seek mercy even for the oppressors right there was one instance there's three instances I want to talk about the first one being when the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم was in Mecca the Quraysh would harass the prophet peace be upon him صلى الله عليه وسلم so much and on one occasion specifically even through the remains of animals on the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم on his back that's when the prophet just push came to shove that's when the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم made a dua against them he said Allah سبحانه وتعالى deal with the Quraysh right up until then and by the way even after that the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم continued making dua for their guidance for their Islam but there came a point even in the life of the messenger عليه السلام and the prophet himself صلى الله عليه وسلم made a prayer against them on another instance the narrations mentioned that the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم had sent a letter to Khosru the emperor of Persia and when he received that inviting him to Islam when he received that letter he literally tore up the letter of the messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم when the prophet was informed of this the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم made a statement and said that they will be torn apart as a nation and clearly there came a time when the Persia that once was no longer remained and history reminds us that they became torn for a lack of better words and so due to the high level of the aggression that sometimes people showed even the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم made a dua against individuals and in one occasion the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم specifically against some of the leaders of the Quraish made a dua against them he said oh Allah deal with Abu Jahl deal with اتبه ابن ربيعه شيبه ابن ربيعه وليد ابن عدبه ومية بن خلف اخبع ابن أبي معيد the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم specifically even mentioned some individuals names because of their transgression who believe in his messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم now all of us for those of us that are here today who believe in Allah who believe in his messenger who are excited when the month of the birth of the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم comes our way we ask ourselves a very very simple question and that is how many of us how many of us would want to take the chance that the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم would make a dua and a prayer against us how many of us would have the audacity the courage to do something which would upset Allah and his messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم and that historically it was proven that an individual who did a certain kind of an action was an individual against whom the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم made a prayer how many of us would want that there's a narration that's mentioned علي ابنة بيطالب رضي الله عنه narrates that a man the wife of a man in Medina came to the messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم complaining about her husband the messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم heard her case, listened to her the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم sat and listened to what she had to say and he said صلى الله عليه وسلم go back and tell him tell your husband that I am in the protection of the messenger of Allah صلى الله عليه وسلم this was just a way of reminding that individual that the prophet of Allah knows and the prophet of Allah gives protection to your wife and as a result of the protection that he has given to her you may not harm her you may not hurt her after a little while or few days she comes back to the messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم and she says oh messenger of Allah he hasn't left me alone in other words he hasn't seized he continues to abuse me so the messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم cut off the narration mentions that he's cut off a small piece of his shirt cut off a small piece of his shirt and gave it to this woman just imagine the mercy of the messenger of Allah صلى الله عليه وسلم so kind he tore off a piece of his shirt it was just an indication a gesture someone would say here take my business card let them know that you've met with me or give them something along those lines gives her a piece of his cloth صلى الله عليه وسلم and says go and give this to your husband and repeat to him that you are under the my protection of the messenger of Allah صلى الله عليه وسلم right as again as evidence that if you continue your actions you could be punished for your actions she went she comes back for the third time to the Nabi of Allah صلى الله عليه وسلم and says oh messenger of Allah he beat me even more he beat me even more and the narration mentions that the Nabi صلى الله عليه وسلم raised his hands and supplicated oh Allah deal with Walid oh Allah deal with Walid oh Allah deal with Walid in other words right it was such a major transgression that the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم didn't even choose to have him come to his court the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم made a dua and said oh Allah this is such a transgression that I want you to deal with him now when we think about this it's a very prominent hadith when we think about this we ask ourselves how many of us would want to be on the receiving end of a prayer that the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم did against someone who happened to be an individual who abused his spouse as a result of his abuse right there's so many of us right when it comes to Allah and his messenger praying five times a day giving zakah going to the masjid you know celebrating the various different events on the Islamic calendar the month of ربيع الأول comes people go from one gathering to another gathering one gathering of ذكر one gathering of remembrance one gathering of the mention of the Nabi صلى الله عليه وسلم صلى الله عليه وسلم you know we dress in a certain way we do certain things in a certain way where people would look up to us and say oh my God look at this individual so pious so and this and that we have all kinds of things but think about it if our character at home with our families is not impeccable that's something that we will be impeccable to Allah سبحانه وتعالى if we happen to be amongst those individuals who abuse our family members then we will be responsible for that in this dunya and the hereafter in the court of Allah سبحانه وتعالى and those brothers and sisters are حقوق العباد the rights of human beings and we cannot take a step forth on the day of judgment until the oppressed the aggressed has actually forgiven us even if that happens to be an immediate family member a spouse a child or even unfortunately in some cases a parent how many of us and these are the obligations going to some kinds of gatherings or events during the course of the month or during the course of the year that's all voluntary that's all voluntary but being there and being kind for our family members is an obligation and abuse of any form whatsoever is not allowed in our Dean and in our tradition there's people who verbally abuse and I'm going to come to some I'm going to cite some examples in a few moments there's people who turn to verbal abuse there's people who turn to emotional abuse and then there's people who turn to physical abuse none of which is allowed in our tradition none of which is allowed in our tradition at all and then there's people who misquote a verse of the Quran which has an understanding of its own right when Allah سبحانه وتعالى or when the prophet SAW says when your child of the age of 10 doesn't pray you can beat them what does that mean that does not mean abuse that does not mean physical harm that simply means to hold them shake them right in fact there's so many rules around you know what we can and cannot do right anything that's neck up is untouchable not allowed stomach untouchable private parts not touchable but usually we find when people are in anger they beat the pulp out of their children and spouses where can you find the verse of the Quran to justify that specific behavior where can you find that behavior justified by Allah sanctioned by Allah and his messenger SAW and the reality is that in October happens to be dv month domestic violence month which is why we're talking about this in October although we can and should be talking about this during the course of the year we're finding that cases of dv are increasing right we generally find that a parent figure mother or father could be abusing the children we generally find that husbands are abusing the wives far more than we've seen before unfortunately and it must be said but there's also cases of men being abused by their wives usually not physical but definitely emotional right definitely emotional far less than it being the other way around but it's a reality that it exists and when we talk and we also find in our homes and in our community right elder abuse elders are being there's financial abuse towards the elders there's emotional abuse towards the elders the brother or sister that's looking after the parent is emotionally abusing the other siblings is emotionally abusing the parent to do things to sign off on paperwork sign off on land and homes and jewelry and whatnot none of that brothers and sisters is allowed in Islam you may get away with it but then if you see that you start becoming sick you're out of a job your life is miserable your children abandon you when you get older all of that is a result of our own actions that's why Allah reminds us in the Quran whoever does good deeds always from males or females and they are a believer we will give them a wholesome we will give them a good life if we want a good life it's not simply by fulfilling the obligations and refraining from that which is haram but also at the same time it is our demeanor our character with those around us that's why there's a hadith that says خياركم لأهله the best of you are those who are best to their families brothers and sisters when we go home mother or father children anyone we should smile we should put on a smile we should say this is the adab of entering into a home not like walk away to the bedroom and shut the door no I don't care how bad your day was at work when someone asks you how your day was they only ask you because they care for you if you were on a public transport system and you had your face all turned up you may even be crying the person next to you won't even ask they may feel bad if they see you crying but they won't ask no one's going to ask you on a public transport system and the reason I say public transport system is because that's where you're going to interact with people there's no way you're going to see people but what I mean to say is that if you were with people on your way home and you had a bad day at work you had a bad day at school they're not going to ask you how you were only those that love you and care for you ask how was your day if you had a rough day then it's fine to be slightly silent it's fine to not share too much it's okay to not pry all the time and ask how the individual's day was those of us that are outside the home should come in with a smile those of us that are inside the home should greet those with a smile be nice to those around you there's no reason to constantly there's no reason to ignore anyone there's no reason to constantly scream at someone we find sometimes parents that are constantly screaming at their children how come you didn't do this how come you didn't do that just always screaming at them and sometimes if you show them love it's too late because they've never seen love come out of you and I don't mean to say too late but then it's going to take you a long time for them to listen to you out of your love but being nice to people around you in your home to let it be a harmonious household in which of any abuse and the reality is that as much as many individuals and many cultures and many countries in the west poke on the rights of the women in the east and some rightfully so but the reality is that right here in the united states of america the amount of women that are abused in number there's a statistic that goes at least around the world at least one woman in every three has either been beaten coursed into a physical relationship or otherwise abused in her lifetime and the vast majority of times the abuser is from within one's own family a brother a cousin and uncle which is why and again a topic for a different day but this whole idea of sleepovers where we're sending our young children to the homes of others is not a good idea your children need to be Allah has blessed us with safety keep them within your own home there's no reason for your children to go anywhere right they say 25% of the female population will be abused at least once in their lifetime up to 35% of women and 22% of men that are going to ER emergency rooms emergency departments right is as a result of DV domestic violence and by the way it's not exclusive to one gender one group or national origin this is a community wide issue and we have to come to terms and come to grip with it but the only way we can do so is if we acknowledge and we work hard towards making our homes to begin with a harmonious place to go to the Nabi صلى الله عليه وسلم says whoever says to his brother then it applies to at least one of them in other words the one who says it you know this physical abuse that we have bad words screaming put downs people do this with their spouses wives do it to the husbands husbands do it to the wives parents do it to the children I say parents because it's not always the father it could be the mother too putting the children down making fun of them comparing them to others the Prophet عليه الصلى الله عليه وسلم says that to curse a believer is like murdering them the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم says whoever preserves that which is between the jaws will have paradise guaranteed and then emotional abuse the Prophet عليه الصلى الله عليه وسلم reminds us that emotional abuse there's a woman who comes to the Nabi عليه الصلى الله عليه وسلم and says oh messenger of Allah my husband is not looking after me he's completely ignored me and what was the Prophet عليه الصلى الله عليه وسلم's response to the husband to the Sahabi he says your body has a right over you your lord has a right over you your guest has a right over you your family has a right over you you give everyone their due rights brothers and sisters this whole idea of not talking to your children not talking to your spouse giving them the silent treatment that is not healthy that is not healthy the relationship between a husband and wife is also crucial the emotional relationship between them the physical relationship between them when you get married to someone and you remain married to them your spouse has certain physical rights over you those need to be fulfilled in the right time in the right place but that's also something an individual needs to think of I'm finding that so many relationships are going sour simply because of that one piece being missed out of course it's not just that it begins with emotions and warmth and care that's completely out of the picture and so on and so forth that's why something to keep in mind you know there's there's a few things I want to share before I close first and foremost I've said this before this year has been an interesting year working from home children going to school from home me doing this lecture on a computer screen and it freezing and I have to start over again all of this is just weird cut people some slack for God's sake give people a break for God's sake give your children a break for God's sake give your spouse a break for God's sake yes I'm finding you know sometimes you're in laws are not living with you but now they've been there for 7 8 months and you're like okay I've had enough they need to go but maybe it's not safe for them to go what if one day you're put into a situation like that give people a break stop speaking to your spouse as a result of their parents living overstaying their welcome whatever that means because the Prophet says there's an explanation for that husbands don't take this out of context but give people a break give your spouse a break give everyone a break at home be nice to people it's an interesting year if you happen to be a parent or even a child living at home that's always stressed out angry get some professional help maybe you need professional help maybe there's something genuinely wrong with you and don't ever forget whatever Allah has decreed for you will make it your way no matter what happens all we have to do and make is the effort the result is with Allah if Allah hasn't made us hungry and homeless until now InshaAllah He will never make us homeless and hungry the risk and sustenance is with Allah SWT don't worry about that just do your part Allah will look after you but also keep in mind that when you do have money don't overextend yourself don't buy that home and usury when you can be living in a smaller home comfortably you don't need to have that fancy car that you buy on usury because the result of that usury the result of things acquiring things that we don't need showing off doing things to show off to others the result of that could be some of our sustenance being snatched away from us Allah had no plans to snatch that sustenance away from us but because we ended up using the sustenance He gave us incorrectly Allah SWT chose to take away some of that sustenance as well and I want to close with two things you know سبحان الله for those of you who know that we have a shelter for victims of domestic violence in the bay area for muslim sisters and believe it or not unfortunately it's usually full and there were individuals who were far-sighted many years ago who said this is a problem in our community and then just last year the board of the North American Islamic shelter for the abused Nissa they all came together and said that we needed a transition home for the victims after they have completed their stay at the shelter and the community came through and they were able to purchase a transition home and in other words we do live in a community in which there are resources but also keep in mind that unfortunately that institution and those homes are usually full right? those homes are usually full and the reality is that those people those victims of domestic violence sisters who are born or raised here in the united states and who have families they don't even come to that shelter they just go home, they go to their parents homes it's only those who have zero support that end up there and that shelter is not the amount of people that are being abused because there's many that are being abused that just remain silent if you are a victim of domestic abuse then you need to speak up, you need to find help don't let people tell you you need to be silent and be in that relationship and just be patient and so on and so forth that's not how a normal relationship works no matter how pious your spouse may be because that is not a sign of piety we will never find the prophet acting like this with any of his spouses so no matter what your parents or your relatives or your cousins tell you that's not a healthy relationship brothers and sisters, all of us let's make a pact let's make a promise to Allah and to ourselves to be nice and kind when we go home take your children out for ice cream take them out for dinner spend time with them they will not all be perfect I know some of us were raised by very strict and principled parents our children are slightly different they will figure out their path in life our job is to show them the way our job is to guide them and after a certain age the stricter you are the further they will want to go away from you I find many young men and women when they get out of high school or when they're applying for college they will ask them where do you want to go to college they will say as far as I can from home or all the way on the east coast usually a sentence like that means a lot it means I just want to get away from home parents may be thinking my child is masha Allah old and mature and wants to explore not really they just want to get away from you so if your husband or your wife to take a chill pill and breathe they're probably asking you to do the right thing husbands if you happen to be someone that goes home and screams and proud of the fact that your wife and children are scared of you that will be held against you on the day of judgment a good husband is someone who is kind mothers sisters if you are someone who is always bickering always just going after things with your children your spouse you need to change that because that will be a source of resentment for your children I want to close one of عمر ابن الخطاب رضي الله عنه his employees came to him one day came to him one day and finding him lying on his back with his children playing around him this man told the children to stop and said stop doing that عمر رضي الله عنه asked and said how are you with your family his response was when I come into my house those who are talking go silent right like I'm strong at home everyone's scared of me at home there's people who are proud of that عمر رضي الله عنه responded to that individual statement and said that you are immediately fired if you can't show compassion to your own wife and children and you show compassion to the ummah of محمد صلى الله عليه وسلم may Allah make us compassionate may Allah make us kind may Allah make our homes filled with love and may they remain with love and may our children and grandchildren and great grandchildren be around us all the time بارك الله فيكم بارك الله