 Today, we're going to explore if men can fall in love at first sight Let's make sure this is working properly. Yes, it looks like it is so this is actually My perception of the TV show love is blind. Have you seen the show love is blind? If you have this the season four, which just finished up. Oh now my phone is going up Please forgive me. I'm fumbling here a bit But the show love is blind which I recently watched all the episodes and then watch the reunion and it's a it's a show where couples get into these pods They're they're blind to each other and they get to know each other in this environment of Anonymity and what I mean by anonymity is they don't know what each person looks like physically and yet What happens in this show is quite fascinating because couples seem to fall in love with each other before they actually meet They claim they fall in love with each other I just think they fall in like with each other and during this process Afterwards the man typically or the woman can invite the other person to get engaged and if they get engaged they get to go on to the next phase of the show where they go on a Honeymoon and then they spend about a month together living together And then they have to go through a marriage ceremony to see if they're going to actually Choose to stay together or not. Okay, so if you watch this last season season four there was a lot of hiccups in there and Certainly, I found it very entertaining to watch the couples There was actually three marriages that occurred out of this which is quite surprising for that show I don't think they have that good of odds and it seems like and it's been a year later And they're still married with one another and there were some twists and turns that went along the way Okay, that's the premise of the show If you watched it give me a shout out and let me know what you thought about the show And if you have if you're on live right now, you can ask questions about my perception of the show in the chat box Okay, with that said Can men fall in love at first sight? Well, okay, so is love blind? Let's kind of put that in the same category Can we fall in love with a person beyond what they physically look like or can we fall in love instantly with a person? Well, I don't believe that's the case. I don't I believe it's impossible to fall Actually in love with a person who even though you haven't met or you haven't spent time with now Here's my criteria for this for love is Do these two people really love each other because love isn't just about the good things in a relationship Love isn't just about, you know, all the candles and the romance and the walks on the beach and the moonlight and all that kind of stuff That's not love Love is really Are you going to wipe the vomit from a person's face if they're going through chemotherapy? Are you going to be there for them when they're having a critical crisis in their life? Are you going to care about their feeling so much that their feelings matter as much as your own feelings? Do you have the other person's best interest at heart to me? That's really what love is all about love is Love is I'm here You matter We are important. I've got your back. I'm not going anywhere and I only want you I'm here means I'm present I'm not thinking about an ex-girlfriend. I'm not thinking about some future woman I'd like to have my life. I'm here. I'm present You matter means I'm going to make time for you This you matter to me. I'm going to set you as a priority. I'm not going to give breadcrumbs Like so many people do We are important our relationship is a separate entity. We will actually co-create this relationship together By actually mutually investing in one another I'm here. You matter. We're important. I've got your back. That means we're a team in this together We're in it together. We are a team. We are holding hands. I'm not going anywhere means I'm fully committed to this relationship And lastly, I only want you my heart my body my soul only wants you I desire you To me in romantic love That's what I'm love you means So can you actually experience this when you first meet someone? I highly doubt You would be there for them during the tough times. Would you loan money to a person you just met at first sight? I highly doubt it Would the couples on love is blind? Give money to one another would they give a kidney to one another to this total stranger? I highly doubt it and yet in these environments And certainly the expectation That love is blind and love at first sight is impossible in my mindset That's just my perception of it all. Can we care for someone that we've just met? Absolutely, we can have care Could we even be there for someone that we haven't just met sure we can do that for strangers even But to truly love someone to be there for them in the tough times. That's what really matters most so What I find interesting about the show Is the premise of actually Accelerating the relationship process. I love this idea of accelerating the relationship process Would you rather know in eight weeks the relationship isn't going to work out? And what I mean to say versus spending three years with someone our current dating Practice is just a long drawn out version of what I call friends with benefits Because when you're dating you're spending time with someone But are you really getting to know them at a deeper level? Are you really asking the deeper questions to determine compatibility? And I don't believe that's happening today Most relationships today the the highlight of your day is how's your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day And more so people spend more time on their smartphones texting one another than they actually engage In social activities hobbies mutual interest spending time with family and friends That's the way I observe most relationships today. They're not digging deeper. They're not being radically honest with one another They're not laying their cards on the table And certainly the rules of engagement means you establish the standard you're looking for ladies So many of you are quite silent in this capacity What the tv show love is blinded is Accelerated the process now keep in mind There are probably hundreds and hundreds and hundreds hours of footage that never made it to the show You're seeing just a small snippet of what's going on and it's produced for drama Okay, I get it whether it was micah and paul kwami and chelsea Oh, what's his name? Um, oh god, I forgot. Uh, what's his name the attorney's name? I just went blank here and bliss. Um, god, why can't I remember his name? um, and anyways, uh and breton, uh tiffany, all right Interesting. Oh, and then there was josh and jack lean. I mean these were interesting dynamics to watch And yet it kind of represents our current dating marketplace where there's multiple in the in the pod You're talking to multiple people. You're basically dating multiple people at the same time And yet the one thing I appreciate is at least they made a commitment to explore a relationship. That was the engagement And certainly. Oh my god. What's his name who dumped irina? Uh and went for bliss. Why can someone write down his name? I can't remember it right now. I'm just blanking on it for a moment Um, certainly that happens in dating, you know, not quite ghosting happens in this environment But there's certainly pulling back and emotionally disappearing. Okay, so How does this relate to can men fall in love at first sight? I don't believe it's healthy to believe in love at first sight I believe we can have lust at first sight. I think we can have limerence at first sight and limerence. Oh zack is his name Thank you. I kept trying to say kyle. I knew it was a zack. Anyways, I think we can have lust at first sight I think we can have limerence at first sight limerence is extreme infatuation In fact, this is what love bombers do. Oh my god, you're so amazing. You're so wonderful. You're the most amazing person on the planet I've never been with anyone like you. I'd like to marry you He dates you he has sex with you. And why does he ghost you after this amazing experience? See it takes time to build trust You know, jay shetty says it takes about 40 hours just to begin to get to know someone I always say it takes about 100 hours of face-to-face time just to build the first layer of trust And jay shetty goes on to say it takes 200 hours of face-to-face time doing things together to actually develop a friendship with one another Folks, we can't do it through our smartphones. We can't do it in pods We can't do it through emails. We can only do this face-to-face to actually get to know someone And this is what I see so many of you falling into this trap And I invite you all to recognize That the sooner you ask the tougher questions the sooner you experience the reality of life The better chance you have for success Again, many of you are in what you think are relationships What I said previously is just friends with benefits You just don't know about it because you're unaf- you're afraid to ask the deeper questions Folks, if you're not familiar with my book what the heck is self-love anyway a journey of personal development self-open spiritual work By the way a link below to get a copy of my book chapter one speak your truth do it with Do it with kindness and yet many of you have duct tape over your nose Because you're afraid to speak up and let me just say this if it's sincere and from the heart This is chapter nine. You really can't say the wrong thing to the right person Speak up and ask for what you want I know it's hard. You you might lose a person but guess what When you actually start with radical honesty laying your cards on the table and the rules of engagement You have a greater chance of relationship success and if you need help with that Schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with the coach is right for you. There's a link below All right If you want I think you get the gist of where I'm going. Okay today's live broadcast Even if you're listening to the recording, this is meant to be fun. I'd love if any of you watch love is blind We can talk about that. We can answer any questions you want Um, we're going to take questions now if you're familiar with my format Write the word question then post the question there after or you can purchase a super sticker super chat All the money's from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son connor asley That's a picture of him right there in the obeys shirt It's my son who passed away almost five years ago in his honor We've started a scholarship fund to donate to causes like the hoffman process and insight institute Just the name of few All right, so if you have question write the word question I see we have people on roller girl Brie white uh in gimme in gimme Be renay margaret corny cob corny cob says will they wipe the vomit from your face off your face? I know that's a descriptive term But if you really think about love Love is being there for the person when they're going through tough times. That's what real love is Love isn't about the good times And I think many of you ladies have a capacity to give your power away to men I'm and I want to share with you some of the ways you give your power away to men The relationship is on his terms you abandon your standards and your boundaries You're afraid to speak your truth with him You're afraid to share with him that you like him And that you want something more out of this and you're afraid that it has to be all on his terms because you just Sit back in your feminine energy and you're waiting for the man to lead yeah Men are in the driver's seat because men make the ultimate commitment. I get think about it We have been indoctrinated With men make the commitment and what that means to say is men are the one who do the asking of marriage So if you think about it, we have this systematic uh approach throughout the you know millennials or millennials the millennia, excuse me Where men make the final choice of commitment. Why do they get that privilege? Why aren't you making that choice at least in the show love is blind? I know I think one season one of them asked the other for marriage I don't know if they're still together. It was that uh European woman anyway going off on the tangent You're afraid to speak your truth through him when the relationship ends all you do is focus on him You're waiting for him to initiate contact all the time. This is the ways women give their power away You stop doing your pre relationship life. You abandon everything for a guy You're feeling like you can't live without him and you also might feel like He's the only one you'll ever have chemistry with ladies. Let me just be clear Uh, one of my contemporaries says there's always another bus coming around the corner I want you to think in those terms. It's raining great men. It's raining great men. It's raining great men Is this sinking in is this resonating with you? Please let me know Please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel All right, let's see what kind of questions we have so far. We have lori that says question Should you let a co-worker take you out on a date? I was told never shit where you eat. Okay, that's a freight. I didn't make that up But it be careful going out with co-workers first off I would certainly want to know your company policy on sexual harassment if it's certainly a co-worker versus Um, someone who's in a Superior position or I mean you're in a subordinate position that sort of thing Can you you can always do whatever you want. Should you You know, that's a good question if it doesn't work out How uncomfortable will it be think about it when you when you Could you imagine if you slept with someone and then they broke up with you? Believe me You got to be careful because when when after the chemistry wears off you might find yourself going god I don't want to be around this person ever again. So you got to take those into account. So great question there lori Thank you so much all right Question do you think it should always be men proposing and not vice versa? Great question. Well, I think we're in a time where listen This is a great question Think about it. If you asked a man to marry you and he said no Okay, he said no That leaves an interesting conversation because the question would be why and in that why you might uncover That this person has no intent of ever doing anything more serious with you I think you might want to consider doing that. I think it really it actually puts your cards on the table sooner Rather than later, which most people do. So I I do like the idea But but and if he says yes, you better make sure you're compatible with one another. So great question. Thank you so much Stacy writes question What is some what is someone says it will take years for them? It's been three years and he's opening up was cheated on several times Oh, he was cheated on several times listen At midlife we don't have time to mess around Okay, I think after three years if well first off after the first year If you're not actively talking about moving in together or getting married if that's not an active conversation I want to encourage you to begin this conversation because the real question is what's the point of this? Does it really take three years to get to know someone? No, when you're seeing each other on a regular basis Look at my there's my sweetheart Marie. Her and her parents got married in 12 days spent 60 years together Hmm Excuse me So yeah, does it take three years to get to know someone? No, it doesn't you know someone inside of a year And if anyone says otherwise, that's absolute crap when you go through four seasons spring summer fall winter or you can start with summer because everything It's always the chemistry that I You go through a fall a winter and then a spring and you revitalize the relationship again I don't think it should take three years But yes have if after the first year you should be having conversations because what's the point? That's the that's really in fact you should have those conversations sooner rather than later in my opinion So thank you so much Uh Let's keep going corny cob is says always most resonant content. Thank you so much Power of cheese says i'm not proposing marriage to anyone. Well good for you. You don't have to do this. This was just You know, it's an it's an option But thank you for sharing cc says question before marie moved in How did you begin your relationship? Did you do facetime or many calls? Okay, great question for those All right, just a really back story my sweetheart marie and I We met through match.com. She wrote she lived in chicago. I live in los angeles She wrote me an email I I rejected her she wrote me a follow-up email and I reject her because of the distance She wrote me a follow-up email said I grew up in los angeles I have two children that live in los angeles. I have many friends who live in los angeles And I don't like the cold weather in chicago. Okay that prompted another a phone call We talked on the phone We had a couple phone calls, but we basically said if we're ever in town, we'd meet each other We didn't begin exploring getting to know each other other than hey, let's just be facebook friends And if we're ever in town if i'm in chicago, she's in la we should connect Okay, it took over and we had several phone calls. It was covet We talked maybe half a maybe seven or eight ten times in the course of a year before we physically met Once we physically met Um We had a great time. I I invited her to a wedding Well, first we met then I invited her a wedding and then what happened after that she came to visit me two weeks later to visit her Daughter or children and then we spent four days together after that four days together She came two weeks later and spent 12 days with me After that she came two weeks later We she spent 18 days here and we took a trip to cancun now in the in between time We would text each other. We would do FaceTime Actually, we did whatsapp video with one another and by the time we came back from cancun We realized if this is going to work if we're going to really explore a relationship Then we have to live in the same city and then we talked about it We found a place and uh within five months of meeting We actually moved in together and we did FaceTime and telephone calls in between I did visit her in chicago twice. I spent one week there came back two weeks later spent three weeks there Helped her pack them move then she came here. That's the quick version of how that happened. So cc. I hope that answer your question um Let he says thank you jonathan. I really need to hear this. You are awesome. So happy Uh renais says how well done? I wait 100 percent. How well do you like your job? Love my job Okay, next question uh marta Marta, sorry. I'm terrible with names How can we tell the difference between love at first sight? There are those stories of people who knew on the first date and love bombing. Okay They didn't really know on the first date All they really did know is that they liked this person a lot on the first date And they liked the person a lot on the second date and I liked the person a lot on the third date And by the time they were exploring a relationship together The person looks back and says I knew this from the very first date All they experienced on the very first date is very strong like for one another Okay, again love is being there for one another Would you lend $10,000 to a person you met on a first date? Probably not so I don't think you love that person on the first date That's just I look at it from the the point of view is would you lend them money? And would you if they were in a terrible car accident? Would you sit by their side for months while they recuperate? If you can do that from a first date More than you are a saint and I don't believe saints I believe there's very few saints on this planet. That's my perception on that one. So thank you so much Uh cc said before we moved in how did you start building? Oh, I shared that um, okay Bree says I'm 50 and I've been running a mantra since my early 30s All four seasons and then some and then some it's always worked for me You need time to get to know someone before making a major decision Again, the tv show love is blind is there they're thrust into it Very quickly and I wonder if that isn't better. I'm not saying it is I'm just wondering if you should just dive in see if it works versus spending years Only to find yourself single after three years when you could have found out in three or in eight weeks Anyways, that's the premise of the show in my opinion. All right. Gina writes question Do you believe in a deep connection at first sight? By the way, I love the karaoke video. Thank you so much Um I believe you can again, I think you can like someone a lot But I don't believe and I believe you can have a connection with someone The reality is is a relationship is a building block of time together doing social activities doing hobbies mutual interests spending time with family and friends so um, I believe you can have a connection But you still have to invest a minimum of a hundred hours of face to face time Just to build the first layer of trust the next layer of trust is 200 hours The next layer of trust is 500 hours a face to face time. That's literally A half a year could be of time So anyways, it takes time to build trust Anyways, thanks for your question Power of cheese says Porsche billionaire files for divorce from wife 74 because she has dementia. He moves in with his 50 decide piece 59 Yep, I don't think you know, that's not real love. Hopefully he's taken care of her in other ways. But anyways Renee says sorry Jonathan. Sorry. That was a rhetorical question for Laura referring to the dating in the workplace I got it. Thank you so much. Well, I got I take these questions on face value um Let's see Bree says It's all good for tv and I believe me. I love the show but 99 of those couples are not together today Even if they said yes on the wedding day. Well, yeah, that's true But you know what I find the show fascinating from the premise of The incubator You know, I'm a big proponent of not rushing the process But I'm the big proponent of real deep converse Like diving the if two people are physically attracted to one another Enough to have sex with one another then ladies You have every right to ask any deep question you want You have every right to ask as many deep questions You have every right to ask Where's this relationship going if this penis gets to spend time in your vagina You have every right to ask the deeper questions and to really qualify this person Is he legit or not because we've got a lot of emotionally dysfunctional human beings out there with terrible relationship skills You have every right to find out as much about their past their nooks and crannies their past relationships If you're gonna have sex together and anyone who says otherwise He's he's gaslighting you He's gaslighting you All right. Hope that helps. So thank you so much Um Brie said I love that part of the show as well, but truly it's all for reality tv I agree that but you know, at least the show basically implies that in their pods They ask deeper question than how's your day going today's dating is all about how's your day going You know people I listen if you want to have a better experience then I invite you to go deeper than the surface, okay Marta asks a question You might have answered this before but how did you and Marie handle the physical side of the relationship when you met? If you don't mind me asking Well, we handled it quite well. We had great sex Um, it happened fairly early in our relationship. Um, and what I mean to say it wasn't something that Took a long time It was part of the decision-making process for both of us folks The reality is is I mean whether we like it or not sex is part of the decision-making process to commit to someone I mean, she's told me in the past if the sex wasn't good She didn't want to be with a guy if his penis was this size. She didn't want to be with a guy I know you've said the same thing. I mean, that's just the reality of life That's why love is certainly a lot more than just the The the emotional connection. It's the physical connection as well and the tv show love is blind How many of them actually looked at each other and go, ah, shit This isn't the person I thought that looked like but coming back to it the physical part sex is An integral part of our relationship and what I mean to say physical and emotional intimacy is a critical part of our relationship so to say otherwise To say otherwise is kind of naive in my opinion So anyway, thank you so much for that question Stacey writes question. How do I come? How do I contact you to consult you to see if you can help me? Well, that's a great question folks. If you need some support on that Um, just look at right there stacey Right there jonathan asley.com forward slash coaching check out the link below to schedule a discovery call with me That could certainly help you get started. Okay all right let's see Gina wrote in the beginning Of my new relationship. He beat me to the asking the deep questions. I was pleasantly surprised Well, I know Marie listen Marie said I was exhausting But you know what? She said it's the part of me that she loves is that I go beyond the surface I go deeper than the casual that most people are doing these days. So I hope She appreciates it and I hope this man appreciates it as well Hmm, let me rephrase that I went the other way around. I'm happy you appreciate that as well And I slurped my drink there for a second um Let's see I think they see the women woman that someone they would want to be in love with but if they don't know They really don't know who they are until they get to know them. It's exactly yet You listen, this is why a lot of you listen I know a lot of ladies that literally are so attached to a man and all you've been doing is texting for months and months and months It's not a real connection. Just like the tv show. It's not real until it's real. Can someone write that in the chat box It's not real until it's real You have to physically be in each other's presence to build a relationship together. Okay, that's just my two cents on that And roller girl says physical connection matters now. He punish. He punishes with neglect. He's moving out friday. He says Well, i'm sorry to hear that's happening to you uh Wanda writes question I'm guessing the physical attraction is different than growing connections. Should they grow together? So You know someone asked me recently Would you have still wanted to be with marie if you if she wasn't attractive? Well, you know, I don't like the guessing and she they asked would marie We still want to be with you if you weren't a blogger of a coach a blog or that sort of thing podcaster I don't like those. What if questions and but at the same time You know, I I believe that you know, we're not each other's ideal partner She even we both said to each other we had wished we met each other Ten years or 15 years earlier when we didn't have as many wrinkles. We both have said that to each other Okay, um the fact I do what I do allows to support our mutual lifestyle and though We're both mutually invest in this relationship You know, this this allows for a lifestyle of allowing us to speak to you You know together as well. So my point is Physical attraction is part of the equation someone's social status is part of the equation It's not all of the equation But it's part of the equation and to say anything less is being naive in my opinion. So thank you so much um Cheryl said Can a man pretend for 19 years because he told me he loved me until two months before we divorced He was blurted out. He loved me loved someone else You know, the word love Has a lot of different meanings for people you realize this the word You know think about it people, you know, this is just my perception on this kind of I got a scratchy nose Um People that say I love you and then physically hit you people say I love you and abuse you people I love you and emotionally denigrate you they all say I love you But people can do mean things under the guise of love. That's just my perception anyway It's the actions over time that matters most All right, uh It's all right says my hubby says it was love at first sight I thought he had a crush on my best friend working at the desk beside me I wasn't attracted to him all but we're 20 years But we were 20 and um love is easier that was it certainly when you're in your 20s It's a lot different than certainly today because we have a lot more life experience But again, I suspect he had a strong Uh attraction for you at first sight but again love Will they be there to wipe the vomit off your face when you're going through chemotherapy? That's the question. I because I highly doubt that would have been the case on the first date power cheese says We're visual creatures, but it's not the end all be all exactly Hey, let's see what you say here. If you met her 15 years ago, would you still be together? That's a what if question you probably won't like you know what I think if we had met After our divorce we weren't ready for each other. I don't believe we're ready for each other But if we are who we are today and we met 15 years ago, I I mean I really don't envision I don't envision it not being Someone I'd want to be what I just don't envision that I again It's a what if question so I don't know the answer to that but I can't envision that so thank you Hey, you know what folks, um listen I was hoping we'd get a discussion on love is blind. No one's posted comments on that other than reminding me that zack I found it an interesting show. I hope you found it an interesting show I hope you found value in this content about can men fall in love in first sight as I said earlier I don't believe we can fall and love it first sight We can have lust or limerence or like or connection But I think real love happens over time when you've built trust with one another And you really genuinely will be there for each other like teammates and that does take time to build Hope you found value in those broadcasts. If you did, please hit that like button. Please share this video Please subscribe to my channel Um Also, if you have something to say post a comment below If you'd like to speak to me and talk about coaching or you want to join my group called midlife love master Or get copies of the books I recommend all in the show notes there's a bunch of links that you can click and Follow me on instagram and all those good places All right. I'm going to wrap up this video as I always do first off give myself a big gigantic jonthan bear hug of self love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm going to ask you to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear pillow Give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it We could all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye. Bye now. Bye. I want to thank lady b It's all right. Cheryl Harlow nobleness nutrition jenna christine Uh power chi Roller girl lady b margaret all you uh susan stacey. Thanks so much. Have a fab evening. Bye now