 It's been I think a little more than a month since I've last posted on this channel by the way I Tried with the background, but um, I just want to give a little update video on how my life has been and What's gonna happen from this point on because I know you guys want answers and it I kind of have been MIA Everywhere besides Instagram and Twitter Know what string length will never work in your favor. Just want to point that out right now They will do whatever the hell they want. Alright, let me just give like a rundown of what's happened since I last left I have a boyfriend now. That'll be a different video. I Promise I'll I will make a video about it I went through more than a month of SAT camp and it took more than 50 SAT practice tests If you wanted to know what an Asian life is That's kind of it But guess what that camp was all worth it because your boy got a 1540 on his SAT It's really nice to know that like finally all this pressure from Asian parents and like getting into colleges that I want to get into that all goes away now Like I don't have to worry about that. All I have to do is just get through senior year and then I'm off to wherever I want to go. I Got paid more for my photography and I had a few photo shoots with my friends. I started school about three days ago and Senior year. I lost one of my best friends and got her back in like Less than a week. So yeah, my summer has kind of been hectic now. I know in that last video I made I didn't really explain much of like why I left it. It was just Text so I really want to get to the meat of things, you know Unless you're like a vegetarian or a vegan and I want to talk more about The reasons why I left the biggest reason which is kind of common throughout every single I guess online person's mind is the fact that I compare my Statistics to every other youtuber out there in the world if you don't really do YouTube this This isn't gonna make that much sense But basically if someone has like let's say 100,000 subscribers, they should be getting at least 10,000 views per video or else it's like Well, your channel is kind of dying on YouTube and I went through that kind of mindset a few weeks before I left because I Would notice like oh my videos didn't really well three months ago and now they're not doing so well I don't know why oh look at these other youtubers. They're doing better than me. Ah, I'm probably never gonna be able to do this That's my job and Clicks off the internet. That's that's it and it's a lot because There isn't much I want to do else besides like photography camera stuff editing like I'm not gonna be a doctor Let's be real at this point And I know like every youtuber still goes through this because like this has got to be one of the most Unconsistent jobs you can think of because like one day you're the shit and then the next week Your shit then maybe for like a whole year your shit and then a few videos get you back in the ring Like it you don't know and it kind of relies on you guys to watch or YouTube because they don't even show you my videos anymore apparently so that is kind of a lot to go through on a Daily basis because you you're constantly looking at your video views and like the likes to dislike ratio and How many people come and if they enjoy your content? It just got to my head at some point. It's not like I never left I mean if you follow me for like the past year or so you should know I've been through this but Let's talk about the biggest thing That got me to leave. It's you guys Unfortunately, I hate to say it but like You're a lot sometimes. I don't want to say everyone. I want to say less than 500 of you You guys are kind of a lot. So if you don't know I have a discord fan server or no I had a discord fan server. Don't know what discord is basically It's if you don't know what discord is basically where people go to like chat a bunch and you can voice chat You can make friends online. It's like a Skype and an iMessage combined So a lot of people went there was over 500 people I think maybe 600 at that time and I want to say like the first 100 people great I loved it. I thought it was so fun. Everyone was active. We were all nice and as more and more people come You kind of get like personalities that don't they shouldn't mix together at all Diesel you want to join the video? This is my cat diesel my sister's cat. He's just coming in to visit for a little bit say hi Say hi diesel But let's just say that Sometimes you guys would fight a lot about Really stupid stuff. I know the people in there were younger than me and It's fine to be immature because you technically aren't an adult yet but I was just expecting more from you guys at least to not get into petty-ass fights and just Just be rude in general in that server You know who you are if you cause trouble in that server and guess what? Don't do that again or on here because I'm gonna block you instantly and it wasn't just fans It was the fact that random people could join and then just say like curse words or they would Troll and just spam the chat and it was it was annoying. It was your typical server other stuff Um, I would sometimes get like DMs from fans saying I used to like your content But I don't watch anymore because all you did was talk about your boyfriend. I was like, okay It was like two days into the relationship and it's disheartening to know that like people used to like my old content because I So I didn't really know what you guys want it and that's when I got insecure about the videos I made because it would be like am I doing this for me or isn't am I trying to just please you guys But they would say like do a best friend tag do a what's in my mouth challenge and I'm like Do you really want stuff that's already been made on YouTube? Like I know original content is kind of like non-existent at this point But you I can do better than that that those are like the basics of YouTube You know one does those anymore you shouldn't at least and no That's like a very small percentage of people who left because they didn't like my content anymore Like it's not everyone and also diesel wants to go to my window right now. So other stuff I want to say it was um, oh my god, okay Kpop fans everyone knows I hate Kpop at this point I don't care. I'm not gonna join it ever again I'm never gonna listen to it again because you guys have pushed me too far away from it Thank you for ruining my changes of ever liking Kpop There you go. Oh, and I don't I don't even want to hear you guys say like oh, don't let the fans push you away from it It's your own choice. No, because if the majority of people who asked me to listen to Kpop constantly get at me for it And give me the oh just because you don't like it Do you mind just trying it out a little bit because you might like it still No, I won't give up. Okay unsubscribe. I don't care I'm not gonna like Kpop and no story. We're not gonna talk about that anymore. Okay It's it's fucking annoying to get like a DM every single day asking me if I like Kpop or am I Korean? Have I listened to it before like it just it just gives me flashbacks to when I was a vegan Like early vegan and I would just constantly be talking about like you should be vegan And I was shoving tofu down people's throats like that's what it feels like now to me I know how annoying I was now. Yeah the people who keep doing that to me You're annoying face it other stuff with DMs. You guys know I like responding to you guys I like having a normal conversation that isn't just oh my god. You responded. I'm Gonna die or something this may sound stupid, but Surprisingly, I'm not that youtuber who wants all the attention like that. I don't I don't want to be treated as like an icon or a celebrity because We're not I just want to be treated as a normal person Like I know I can be a role model to people who inspire people to do photography and videos or like come out of the closet But it's just if I respond to you even if it's just the word hi, I don't want to get the I Just don't want to get the surprised fans anymore It's it makes me not want to respond to anyone which sucks because I want to respond to you guys I just don't want to hear that anymore. Okay. I know you guys don't think about it because you're so crazed by the fact that like a youtuber responded to you like it doesn't make me feel that human anymore and That that's what got to me a lot. Yeah, I'm sensitive. I get it because I'm a fucking human All right, let's get that let's get that out of the way. Okay, if you could tell me to not get affected by this You try doing it then we'll have a talk. How about that? Let me just clarify like I'm not attacking any fans Okay, some fans most of you guys have been really supportive and Like I got some messages from people who would just remind me of the fact that like my coming out video The one with the sticky notes the comments in there. They're just so sweet to still read like I That was when I was like these fans You guys are the best because you're just supportive of each other and everyone and there's no fighting or a fan Girling over like anyone and I want that again, and I hope we can get back to that I just for now no more discord server if you DM me and it's like not Not gonna go. Well, just don't expect a response And if I don't respond to you just know that's not because I'm ignoring you intentionally It's because I probably just don't want to because I'm scared took me a while to get out of that I kind of had Jace my boyfriend. I had him like talking through a lot of stuff I talked to Dale and Tran I kind of what I kind of didn't talk to them actually for a while because I was like Let me just focus on being happy and the reason why I'm really happy still is because of Jace So thank you for that babe as for the channel. I want to say Still gonna upload once a week on Saturdays slash Sundays because you know me and I'll still do live streams whenever I can um I just I Don't know if I'm gonna keep doing it. It's just I Don't know if I can keep doing it because if it doesn't like go well for me And I can't feel confident that this can be like my job or a good source of income in college So I don't have to get a desk job or stuff that my parents want me to get then I probably have to leave YouTube because I can't it's hard to deal with Thinking that you're not good enough every single day and you guys can comment as much as you want saying like Frederick You can do it if we believe in you. It's Appreciate the effort, but it just doesn't work it but see you next week. Oh, yeah, I didn't forget y'all are still digits to me Just so you know