 I said something, we're live, I shan't in, we're live, are we live now? Alright, I wanna fuckin' play. Wow, language, language, every time you think of us, I know, bite your tongue. Think Captain America, bite your tongue. What would Cap say? Language. What would Cap say? Yes, language. Fucking God bless the USA. I can't, I can't use that. Use what? USA? No. God bless? No. Wow. I'm confused. Uranus? That's a cool play, I like that play. Okay, we are Welcome to Wise Quest, first third one. We are fifth edition D&D podcast. I am DM, John Wise. This is also known as Retro John. Oh, you come again people? I am Billy, I do your Funko Pop reviews. Most of the time? Most of the time. I am playing a warforged fighter named Unit 7. And we've got Dylan, you are playing a... I am playing a human variant fighter whose name is Ed. If you've seen the Bean Goozle challenge on Comic-Gaden, I have done that. And lost. Yes, Dylan is, he used to be a regular on Comic-Gaden. Me and Billy here, we were going head to head, but stupid Marine can handle anything. Head to head. We don't challenge a Marine to see any gross things because that's what we do for a living. And then we got the beautiful Cynthia, our token female. Our leader. These are nice. Um, Judy is playing... No, Leonard? Leonard, do it. Sorry? What are you playing here? I'm playing a sorcerer happily. There you go. What's your character's name? Laura Ashworthy. And you know what's your character's name? I said Ed. Ed? Yep. You only have a first name? Yep. I'm too dumb for that. Here is where we now ignore all of you when we start to actually play. You just watch and enjoy and I'm also going to be described for our encounters because we're a bunch of idiots and we can't remember anything. Hey, I always remember. True that. He's usually our... In our games. We sell him drunk. Which is why I'm miscribed. How often am I drunk? He's drunk very often. When he's drunk he doesn't show up. And it's nevermind. Oh, I thought that was your spit. You're a tobacco spit. You're a tobacco spit. I don't have a bottle. I thought that was your... That is a bottle. I was like, good Lord, you've got thirsty. I'm gonna get you some water. We'll be the first time. Yeah. Okay, start us off. We have many, many favorites. Oh yeah, you need to get your many favorites. Oh, but look at this. This is the first session, episode one, so... There is going to be a difficult piece. And... Do you have yours? You don't have to get any of it. Nobody had it. You do? No, he said this is too tall. No, she likes this one. Okay, me that one. No, it's too tall. Besides, she's got a nice bikini and everything. No, that one's fine for her. You're playing human, right? Human fighter with axes? There you go. Two axes. He's got one and he's got a metal looking thing. Where is Warfors? Where Vader will do? Warfors. It's a Warfors. It'll work. I don't care. I haven't... He hasn't tried it. Instead of an axe, I don't care. That's the Warfors I was talking about. Yeah, that's what I... Do you really need... Does he have one? Yes. There's going to be lots of... Nope. Okay, people. No, you're good. I just wanted to talk to him, okay? I'm going to make that a lot of... Wow. Shit. You want to speak... Language! Or not. What? Cook-a-chew? What? I thought you were going to say something about... About what? You'll be small? No. I thought we just covered that earlier. No. Smaller, smaller, smaller, smaller. Little bit hot in here. I just remembered all this. Small life? Oh. Goodness. There, that'll... She's squatting! I'm trying to take it off. Oh my goodness. You need these, not us. We're off to a bad start. Bad start? A great start. Once again, I'd like to apologize for my mature friends. They are special indeed. We're very special. They've got mail. That's for all you old people that actually know what that reference is from. You've got mail. No. It's from a TV show called Something Yankers. Oh! Cranky anchor. At least I love it. I can't share it! You're in trouble. Copyright infringements. Trademarks. Fine. Yank Crankers. Yes. Okay. They crank the yank. He already said it the first time he screwed us. Yeah, we're going to sue now for $1,000. Oh. Good luck. Consider it worth saying how much we actually liked this channel. I think I'll help you. Yeah. Just going to help out worse things than we do. Okay, so where are we? Let's begin. I'm setting everything up. All right. It's so violent. It's stealing my dice. I'm going to move this. Okay, let's go. This is why we don't have a small table so we can't reach across and crap people. Language! I know it! I know it. He doesn't know very good English. Me no good English, fine. Yes. Correct. Good job. Snuschnu. Okay. All right. Okay, you. I think I jumped ahead of myself when I started reading it. It took you three times to grade grade the second grade. No. Two times. You are, you have been captured. You have nothing on you but the clothes on your back. You have, with other individuals who have been captured. And as part of you, you are being led into a building when it comes to a stop. The gate behind you closes. And you are let out. You are let out. You're tied. You're bound. You're not as good. Good if I wanted to. Here's your riffraff scum you wanted. The older man looks over at all of you. You're all lined up. I am Traylon. I am not your boss. You will work. You will work well. And you will be paid well. Food and shelter. You will work by fighting in the games. If you don't fight, you will be punished. The merits are on too many and you will die. Do what you're told when you are told and you will live. The telling points towards a prisoner being brought forth. Traylon nods and the guards upper torso transforms into a serpent creature and engulfs the prisoner as he screams. One's doubt. You can't raise your hand anyway. No question. You're getting under the back of the... I don't feel it. I'm made of metal. It continues to ignore you. I need you guys to roll an insight check. Yeah, we are dumb. Ha, ha, ha. Do you have a minus tier intelligence? No. Oh, just a strength. All right, really. I got seven. Traylon. What's that intelligence? What do you roll? Seven, eight. Oh, you don't have a modifier? No. What's your roll? Ten. Ten. I need you guys. Traylon hands. Khazabrak. This is his name. Khazabrak, sorry. Throws him his reward and the guy leaves. You may have noticed those who wield magic, other hidden items and secrets. It doesn't work. There's a sort of dampening field that prevents you from using these things. Got the question. You will get to ask when I am done. So hurry up. I hate people that are mortal. This dampening field is slightly released during the fights. Teleporting of any kind will not work. Welcome to Bloodhawk. Name of the town by the city, by the way. You are then? Yes, question. Are you done? What is your name? I'm known as Unit 7. Hand down, Unit 7. Oh, okay. Why am I tied up? To prevent any attempt to escape. Why would I want to escape? When you go to your dormitory area, you have your shackles removed. But you didn't answer the question. Why would I want to try to escape? You like to fight? I'm a machine. That's what I was built for. I was using the Great Wars. That's all I did. And you will be happy here. Okay, so why was I tied up? And I'm going to roll this to snap the ropes. That is 16. That is enough. No? I don't like this. Okay, cool. Let me remove... Weekly. I'll roll a 12. Weekly. Okay. So you, too, are both playing males on this. Are there too many males? I'm not. You're male-ish. No, I'd go with her. You do not go with her. I have a ponytail, so I go with her. I should die already? I thought you're a machine. When do you have it? Yeah, I'm qualified myself. To try to blend in with the fleshy folk. I go with her. Better have a chest. They don't put you with her. No, I go with her. You go where you are taken. I have to go with her. I can't do anything unless she says I can. Whit. Yeah. Thanks, Al. Thank you. You will probably become the first to get at the merit so quickly. What's a demerit? He just explained to you what a demerit was. I wasn't paying attention. I'm sorry. I zoned out. Use this information just kind of gets automatically deleted and doesn't get saved, doesn't go through. Well, the first character that's dying is not me for once. Thank you. You are still level one, right? How many times have you tried to kill me at level one? Seriously, it didn't work. Actually, first game all of you pretty much died. I never had it. He did it. No. You're the one who got wealthy. You got a human slave. Oh yeah, we didn't have that. Produced water. She's pretty good at work. D&D is real. It is real. Fuckin' A. Language! I apologize. They have foul mouths as well. Mainly that one. I apologize. I'm sorry. This one's a snob. I apologize. You're a snob. I'm a snob. I swear, for once, I'm like, damn it. You said you had a picture of your character. Let me see your picture of your character. Oh, it's right here. See, I have a red ponytail. You look like a guy. I do not! I do not look like a guy. You do. Yes, you do. No, I don't. I don't look like anything. You're still a guy. Looks like an alien. Looks like... Looks like Yandhi's cousin. Yeah, I can't tell it again. That's me. He wishes. He wishes he produced me. Anyway, to speed the game up, he does not send you with her. Oh. You are led to all basically an area where you've seen a movie gladiator. Yes. All the other fighters are sitting around waiting. Okay. That's kind of where your guys are at. Spoiler, they also do that in Assassin's Creed Origins. They look to the arena as they fight. Cool. Never played it. Yep. That's all probably pretty much any gladiator I'll ever read. Yeah. Sam and you, you're led to all female. Why's it got to be sexist? See, you guys don't follow each other. Can I be untied now? Do they let you be untied every once you get inside? Oh, okay. Can I be untied? Yes. Who's in the cages with us? Watch your guys. Who haven't seen a female in forever? She's in a separate cage. What's your cruise boat? A 10. A 11. I'm the prettiest one out of the two of us. So a machine. That doesn't do with anything. A machine. Now, go for it. Go for all we can do. You guys may interact. I don't want to talk to myself. There are other females. How far away are they from us? They're right now. I just heard you on the hallway. Baby cannon! Baby cannon! What's baby cannon? Shut up. Why? Do it. At some point I'm going to have to give up super boys commenting. We actually can't read comments. Yeah. Because the phone is tilted this way. So if you're commenting and we're not answering anything. Sorry. Yeah. I thought you said we were supposed to ignore them. Shannon, can you just let us know if there's any comments going on? Yeah, Shannon, why don't you do your job? Why would I? I know it. Do not speak ill of the admin. I know one of the admins. They will stuff a lot. You didn't say look as a moderator so you can't change the video. I mean you can't change the video. You can't change anything because he's not set up as a moderator. So all you're swearing. He can't do anything about it. He is powerless because of you. No, he's not. He's not. He's the one who can't change anything. What do you want to change? No. So he can... I don't know. I don't know technology. I don't know. I don't know what he's talking about. Can you pause it and set him off? Did you hear that? Let me know if you heard that. Can you hear us? Are we good? Thumbs up. Thumbs down. Heads down. Thumbs up. Seven up. Trademarks, dude. No. He said it the wrong way. It's fine. It's heads up. Shut up. Time to play Seven Up. What? You ever played that when you were in school? Yes, I did. That game with a copyright. Oh, wait. I do speak gnomish. Infernal. What the hell did I come from? I don't know where. I can't speak. I know where the language is. I can speak. I just started... I just started mumbling in infernal. I'm not swearing. I'm speaking a new language. It's a campus society problem. I'm speaking in infernal. What? I knew you were infernal teenagers. I would have found a way with a tool. You speaking on a wheeze? No. Swarps making wheeze? No. Tasmanian devil. Tasmanese? Yeah. Is he talking back? No. He better not. I'll get slapped for that. Ask him. Ask him what he'd mean. What he'd mean. What he'd mean. Maybe to make him a moderator. What? I'm going to ask him. Okay. Continue playing. Reinteractive. Is there any... What else in the cage with us? You have seats. Um... Can I stand there? There's a little... Pit for when you want to start a fire. So you guys warm. I'm doing this with my hand. So this is metal across the bars. Stop it. You're hearing nothing. You hear the slight... It's a very slight whisper. Apparently, other people have done this in the past and they have learned to put some type of muffling spell on the bars for annoying people. Not a person. No. You're a person. You're an object. Owned to be used by real people. For a child's plaything. Basically, yeah. For mommy's plaything, whichever you want to be. Can you vibrate? No. Oh my god. I was not built for sex stuff. That is a different one than a podcast I listened to. I was not built for... What? You listened to sex part? I am not... I'm not going to... I don't want to say the name on here, but it's an awesome podcast. But I was... I'm not like... I wasn't... Intrigued by what this podcast is. You're sputtering. Is this a D&D podcast? It's D&D and Fate put together. It's really good. I like it. Apparently... Is it his game? No, it's called Brute Force. It's awesome. I can't help it. It's an awesome show. That character's name is Azra and he's Clay Gold. And he says he's smooth as marble down there, but he was built for sex stuff. Which I will be reviewing most of my D&D podcasts I listened to one of these days. Does he wax for sex? No, he was built like that. I guess. He never really went into detail why he smoothed his marble. Did he vibrate? Nobody has a fascination with feet. You? I don't know why. Okay. So anyway. He kind of went down in a slippery slope of insanity and it's awesome. Will he use? No. Alright, you're his... What are you guys doing in here? I'm just looking at people. What are you? Shut up. I just pointed a random person. Flesh thing, what are you? Shut up. Quit being offensive. I'm not being offensive. I said flesh thing. That's offensive. How's that offensive? I took a fence. From who? You. You took my fence? I went. No wonder I got out. What would you like to be doing? You're smarter than this, sir. So I can't sneak out? No. You can pick the lock. No. You're ninja. She can't. She's ninja. She has no life to pick. She's little. It's free roam. She's little. Is she free roam in this general area? Okay, but you said there's bars, right? Yes. How close are you? Pretty close. How close are you? They are prepared. This isn't the first rodeo. They are prepared. I knew that. That's just dumb. You can try. No, I'll try and break my arm. Probably. See? Told you. So I said I'm not going to do that. He said I'd try and break my arm. He breaks his arm. He rolled a mat. One, by the way. That's a critical failure for people that don't know. Yeah, a mat. He breaks it. A critical. Let's see. I break everything. Let's see. He broke his arm. He got caught out of guard. I don't understand. All three of you, if you were done, you can roll a perception check. I won't use my back gas. Wow, I'm a little crap tonight. Yes, you are, sir. She's not. It's time. I'm adding my passive perception here. That's a perception. It's like what you normally see with a rolling. Did I get a one? Yeah. Where'd you roll? Where'd you roll? Total 15. Oh, you got enough to hear. It certainly did kind of louder outside the gate there. Like you could hear maybe a crowd for me. I hear more fleshy things. Shut up. You listen to me. No. I'm bigger than you. So what? We go out there. We fight. We make money. We free ourselves. What was your rank in the military? Commander. Liar. You are a lowly foot soldier. You're a better... Disacominator. This you. And that's you. No. I was built for this. You had a train. Oh, you ran a train. On a sister, maybe. He has a caboose. You will soon. You're not a fucking machine. What? This is... A picture of the robot chicken robot. Doom, doom, doom. The washing machine. Chicken robots. I just need one of those hand-cooked grills. Hand-cooked grills. That's neat. The drill hole where it needs to go. Maybe a couple. I already have sex with you. That's disturbing. Okay, so... Do we see her walk by yet? No. We don't know if he's gotten out yet. Let me out. I want to fight. Did you see that happen in regards... in regards you come by? Fancier should say that. He said it, not me. You get to fight first? I think he was my partner and my little friend. Damn it. You don't get to choose. Uh-huh. Did I want to get the Altie over there? First up... You hit seven. Step forward. That's you, Doom, Doom. Brock, step forward. Does he have a GEO, dude? Uh-huh. Okay, first victim is Brock. Are these fights to the death or... what? Does that want to murder anybody? If they die. Oh, okay. Not necessarily to the death. But it has happened. Okay. If they die, they lose their first fighters. They lose money. Wait, why are we opening this in the old campaign? Yeah, wait. Huh? We're not. We're in an arena. This is Brock. I hate gnolls. That's why when you said that, I'm like, ooh, this is perfect. Yeah, my natural enemy is a gnoll. I hate gnolls. You both are led to a campaign arena. I'm like, show you stupid... Fuckin' mouth on each of your face. So you were brought out in the middle of the arena in this large crowd. Guard, can I watch a Dumb Dumb fight? You can actually... There's a window you can not watch. I raised my hand. They went up for me to watch. And I was like... Gold. What's his name again? Brock. He has more gnomes than you, so yeah, you were out here. I look back at the guard. Well, I get in trouble if I kill it. Yes. Huh? But why? I'm almost specifically told. But why? It's a fleshy. Don't pull your punches, Brock. I won't kill him. Try to pull his teeth out at least. He remains alive. Okay. Does he need all his limbs? Water. What about it? I don't want to tell him. You heard your boss. I got something. No, that's your fault. What is this? I brought it down for me. You should bring me down one. Because that's a fast one. I rolled an old 18 this year. So, um... He didn't tell you to roll yet. That does not count. No, it does not count. You're taking too long. You're distracted. So then shut up. There you go again. Stop it. We're alive right now. You're talking about him swearing. What are you doing down there? I know. That's what I do to get my stuff pumped up. So you're here pretty much. Can I watch this? Really? Yeah, here's one time. Okay, move your stuff. I'm not moving, so... Actually, I didn't have it in the winter. Nulls must die. All Nulls are evil. I hate Nulls. Beyonce the Null. I love Nulls. I hate Beyonce the Null. The traveling bard. She's our favorite. I got her poster at my parents' house. Enter evil husband Kanye from the west. Hey. You might get in trouble. By who? Kanye from the west? Or is it direction northwest? Because Kanye from the west will be watching a D&D podcast. I never know. Get out of my head. He's way over there. You better run, you dumb dog. I have my weapons. You are given the weapons that they took from you. Okay, my great axe. Okay, so they gave me back my great axe. Anything up here? Okay, cool. You don't have them in your hand. They are here. Okay, cool. Sorry, I like to be so... I just learned how to whistle ten years ago. I don't know. She still doesn't know how to whistle. I don't need your news. I have a page dedicated to you. The girls that I've been hanging out with, she got her taxes yesterday. The first thing she got with it was a Nintendo Switch and Mario Odyssey. You still haven't played Odyssey? I was playing it last night. What's the distance? Awesome. And then she sent me to Walmart to go get Mario and Rabbids. And when I did and I got back, she was asleep. Late night. No, I respect... Ew, I'm not sweating. 80 feet. That works for me. I respect her too much for that, sir. So, are we rolling? Are we rolling? Do I get inspiration for that? No. You need to roll two. I did. Oh, I got an 11. What's your next one for her? Two. You need to go first. I do? You do. Okay, so... I can move 30. So, how far away is he? So hardly. Five, ten, 15, 20, about 30, 35. Okay, he's with an 80. Yeah, he's with an 80. I raise my arm up like this. Okay. It does work. Oh, you... If you attempted to try before, it would not work. I know. I raise my arm up like this. And I weigh that in. Okay. I have to re-roll the head. Magic. Magic. And your phone. Oh, damn. That would have been... That 20? This is how you start a fight-off. That isn't that 20. That is how you start a fight-off. That's 20. And we should have named this podcast with Magic Fizzle. Oh! Where the hell were you when we tried? Oh, yeah, you were right here. Not thinking of a name. I was thinking of a name. So, I could do it on 2G8. I was trying to think of ones that weren't 8. Plus... My mind. What about his? Okay, so he rolled at that point, which is an automatic. Succeeded in anything here. That's good. That's a good damage. I got Max and Minimal. So... How many did you get, Minimal? One of them actually rolled in Max 8. So, I got... 13 damage. How much? 13 damage. 13 damage. I was raised up and I shot a crossbow. Was that doubled? No. For 5th edition, it's not doubled anymore. You roll two of your damage dice instead. Wow. For 5th edition. That's when they changed from 4 to 4.15. Wow. For criticals. Oh, yeah. So, he took 13 with my crossbow. Out of my arm. All right. I'm still waving. I was waving at him when I was showing my shot. I hate you. I'm going to kill you. Do something, you stupid dog. There you go. I can still shoot him again if he gets close. Haha, he took all your crap. I was going to buy some fun over there. Oh well. I got something for him. Yeah. He's going to be biting metal. Sweet. Okay. He's going to be 23 hits. Yeah. I'm going to have to try this. You take 6. Ow. You bite me? But that hurt him as well since I made a metal. Oh, it hurt him. I wouldn't hurt him. It didn't hit you when you hit him. You hit him with a spear. Oh, okay. So, I started doing it. Oh. How about you snap? And now it's your turn. Cool. And he's like, Did he really throw my stuff off the side? Yeah. Okay. Okay, sure. Over here. Okay, cool. Actually, I'm going to move up closer to him. Wait, then he can't use a spear from that distance. He'd have to throw it. Yeah, that's what he did. So, I have a spear now then. Thank you. Okay, I pull it out then and I snap it. Alright. And I use the spear and I'm going to load it up instead of getting close up to him. And I'm going to shoot his spear back at him. Ah, modified. Nice. Good idea. Inspiration for much. 13. 13. Wow. How's it? Stronger cobalt than I thought. And I'll give it to myself. Oh, that's what's so informal. Yeah, I know. You hit. What's the dice for? 1d8 plus 2d8. Everything's D. Animal damage. You get it. 5. Hold on. And I shoot him in the knee. Nice. Okay. 5. Hold on. And I shoot him in the knee. Nice. Hey, hey, hey. It's when he takes an arrow in the knee. Hold on. I'm going to have to fully respond to that. Hey, there's another person that's... 5 damage. 5 damage. Stop it. Passed out. Went to Walmart shopping. So, she won't be here. It's okay. Alright. I shot him in the knee, by the way. There's an arrow in the knee. So, it should half a speed. Half a speed, yeah. So, that doesn't have anything to do with that. Do my thing. I get to do automatically. Match 20. I'm trying to figure out how this dude's still alive, but I'm a critic on him already. Quite naturally, he's going to return. By using the spear that he took out and... I'll shove you up somewhere you do not want to go. How? Like the back of a Volkswagen? Like... Never mind. I have to watch my language. I'm not John. 26. How the heck did he do 26? That's impossible with a 2D8. 1D8? I got... You don't add your modifier twice. Oh, you don't? No. Oh, we'll take two off that then. How's he still getting over 20? That's impossible as you roll two 8s. Even with that, that's 16. And then you get to like a plus... 10 attack bonus. Like 26 almost as a... Yeah, it's 22 damage. Well, if it's 26, I'm completely dead dead. 9 damage. No, I screwed up. Like how the heck? 26 damage. What level is this guy? Like level 25? Okay. With a half of a spear. Where are you at? I'm at 2. You're at 2. If I can actually heal myself and return. Finish the job, you stupid hyena. Okay. Well, I take my fist. I jam it up underneath the skull like this. So that my crossbow is right there. And I grab it by his beard. By his little jaw right there. With the spear sticking out? No, with my crossbow right there. And I'm going to shoot straight up his head. Press the strike. I'm closing the strike. Oh no, I'm shooting him. I'm coming up to shoot him. Basically, I'm coming up to shoot him. And because I'm a close quarters shooter, I don't take this advantage on it. And you don't get up to the attack. 15. 15? You hit. Yay! You hit 28. I just... What the heck? You hit 28. Huh? You just rolled the 28. I know. That is... 10 damage. 10 damage. Long as you're a bolt. It's a crossbow bolt. It shoots out. And it goes through. It does not stop. You pierced his nose. I went all the way through the front of his jaw. Because he has the long... Yeah, so it pierced him like this. It went... It went out. It went through. So it's basically like holding his mouth shut now? No, it went all the way through. Jesus, how much? He's done. Oh. He starts holding his mouth shut. I get an opportunity to attack when he starts to flee. I hate novels. Technically, he's leaving your area, so yes. That's 16 hits you already said. And I'll do 6 to his... You're having real low on you each time. No, it's automatic. It's felt dead. So how much? 6 damage to his other knee. 6 damage to his other knee? Oh. He doesn't... He just kind of rolls. Your arm is going to rain out. I'm going to pick him up. I throw my hands up. And I go... 7, 7, 7, 7, 7. Up. I did like a little supporting damage to that fool. that fool. And he had 22. She's Louise. I survived. You're brought back to the who would they bring you back to her course? Oh, man. Next up, Ed. What? Z-talk. Who? Forward. Okay. I'm a thirsty boy. Z-talk. What the heck is that? Oh, you get the garblin? Oh, I randomly rolled for them all, so. You're getting a dragon. Oh, yeah, I need your proper name. It's not Paige. Mike? I was going by Paige. Is Cora Ashworthy? I just need Cora. Can I make some note changes? Is it coming in on YouTube? Yes. What happened to the thingy? The thingy? Did you see him again? Yeah, it's easier. I was here with you guys since five o'clock. I was just about five. Ready? Yeah. Forward. What? Oh, we need to roll. Roll. Look at this. He tells me a lot of fighting in that stuff to begin with. Seven. What the hell? Rolled the same? Rolled the same, but not the same. I got plus Germanifier, so that's not six. Nine. You rolled a what? Seven? He's got a nine. I go first. Okay. It would have been nice if he's doing a little farther. Yeah, you're just like, that's what I did. You're not even moving? No. What? Why? Really? You're just gonna stand there? No, I moved. What'd you take all the weapons? I took my two. You took his weapons? I took my two great axes, and I just started flourishing them because they're great axes. I don't understand great with great axes. Well, this was a boring first round. All right. He's gonna murder that front door blue. As long as I don't roll a one. Message is received from Matt Scrivner. Uh-oh. Who? One of my friends. Attack of Opportunity. Well, I'm like, no, we just started. We're gonna be here. What? All right. I said attack of opportunity. No. No, he didn't have an attack of opportunity. This is the integer space. Well, actually, yeah, if he did, he'd be ready to action. Yeah. That's 3.5. No, he can ready actions in fifth edition. Whether? Yeah. Since he didn't move. Better make an action. He's doing his action now. He he he he he he he he he he he. Action, Jackson. I like it. So, 16. They hit. Really? Five freaking damage in all that he does. Wow. Okay. He hits you with two, but the first one definitely missed. Which are, which are armor? 13. Any others? Either now or your turn. Mr. Flurry. He says, brooding me. Stop fucking swearing. Lie, quick boy. How are my kids supposed to watch this? We have a very- What is he doing up this late? It's Saturday night. This is a P.J. through the night. Lie? Yes. Lie from Decatur. It's Saturday night. Trademark. We've got one against two. Oh, there it is. It says you. I want to meet. I want to meet. I will assume that. I will assume that 10 doesn't hit. I know it should make health. Matt, you're watching five. I'm still flourishing. Wait, are you only at one roll? It's up, bro. 20 for the first round. We start back in the beginning so you see me hit people. Swinging with both at the same time. It's a good two attacks. No, you don't want. You can't swing with both at the same time. You did? No. And then he's going to go this way. He's doing this. He's being fancy. Your turn. Okay. Your darts. But your darts. You hit. May I have 20? No. No, you hit. Anybody need a circumcision? Choppy choppy. How did he look at you? Obviously you don't. What'd you roll? One. Two ones on your attacks. One damage. That's it. What's your mod? Oh, yeah. I forgot about that. You dork. This is why they have me because they're not big enough nerds. They're dorks. Oh, what was that roll's name? Brock. Oh, Geodude. That's right. I did 11 slashing damage to you, sir. Really? Yeah. He was flying. He was flying back. He dropped. Is he dead? Keep the goblin in the face. He's done. He's out. I look at the guard. Why'd he get such an easy one? That's bullcrap. Send another goblin. Goblins are supposed to be easy to fight until they're in groups. Like your mother. I stick my hand out the window and wave. I'm up here and out of. I try to stick both hands out and do this. Why? Seven. And he takes, maybe move him off the field. And you're back. Good. I'll leave you with a chance to rest. And find me a drill. You're a weird kid, dude. Yeah, you are. I am no kid. I am 27. You're a child who hurt us. I am. I'm 24. In game and real life? Grimlock. You're up. Grimlock. Korra. You're up. Wait, why is she facing a dude? I thought this was a sexist. Why is she fighting a freaking Dinobot? Run away? You better know. Wait, you still got your Grimlock figure? Oh, that was long. I wish I did though. There's my bow. You can cast magic still. It's right there. Can I? Yeah, you can cast magic. Hey, let the field down. Magic missile that fool. Magic missile. Like that dude up. Grimlock. That's scary. Why do they get easy things? I'm not a fighter. Magic missile it. All right, let me see that fool. At the darkest. Literally, it's dark. It's a dark creature. Racist. I can't be racist. I'm a machine. I'm a logical. You got a one. At least you've got a one. Start it. I bet she goes first. You're up. This is not this kind of code. Why are you blinking, Jamie? What, the leggings? Yeah, they're warm. Yes. You went outside? Yes, I had to hike my skirt off. Can you talk her in a pretty wearing place? Well, you got to wear the skirt with the leggings. Oh, no, no, not just leggings. Well, you got to put something over the top of them. Why? Well, they're warm, but... I can't stare at her butt if she's covered. That's why you wear the skirt. And that's why you wear the skirt that way. All right. I should not know these things what these things are called. A woman watching. We know you are. Pretty. The few times I've met her, it sometimes seems that your wife is the one with the pants. Yes, she has 70 pairs of freaking pants. I've had that long. Yes. Why do you think I have no way to buy toys? Can Billy come out and play? No, he can come out tomorrow. That was fucking hilarious. Did you want to tell me about that? Yes, she told me. She called me at work and told me that. I see John. He asked if you can come out and play. I'm like, why? It was on a Friday for board game night and we saw her and mom. Yeah, more and more. Walmart and we went, okay, Billy, come out and play. Just, no, I'm not going to be home. You're going to watch play. But it's a family game night. There's nothing family-friendly about the stuff we do. Oh, God, it's so... So? Magic Missile. Magic Missile. Wait, it hits. I was going to back up. Why? Do it after you hit. Okay, I'll give him my help. Back up after you shoot. So that I'm far away from him. Back over to your weapon if you're going to do that. That's awesome. Holy crap. Fault. That's why she's a baby cannon. He's down. I was going to get my weapon. Yeah. No, they come in. All your weapons are coming in. I want my weapon. From what I understand, a baby cannon is much different. Yeah, what are you calling me? So he looks like that. And he'll have the rest of them. Oh. See how easy their fights were compared to mine? She was the easiest. He had it out for me. He always tries to kill me. That's why I got upset when he said 26, which is lies. Unless he's a little fine. Lies, lies, lies. Oh, lies. My, my, my clone. Where's your clone? Blake. My clone. Is it Blake? Uh, it was Blake. Wait, he has his own phone. You don't, they are watching. Thank you. Please watch the legging. Please watch the language. What do you say? He's like, you don't have to wear a skirt with leggings. And no, I don't have 70 pair. And no, I told you I'm going to play it. No, I told you go play it that night far ahead. And yes, I can introduce her into leggings. Perion woman. Perion. Yeah, tear funds. No. And she typed a bunch of periods. Maybe it's made to lean. So the winners are brought in front of the live crowd to be a dollar. You are then taken in back to the dorms and you are healed. That baby took any damage? I did. I was at three hit points left. I don't use tent though. Okay. I'm sorry. I can't, I read out loud. I'm sorry. That's gross. Nope. I have to guys rest up and they heal you. You are then escorted to a dining room where there is a feast awaiting you. What do you consume? Oil. I don't eat or drink while you're there. I'm just there. You're just there. She's like, it's okay. I know you would. I'm trying not to read silly things. Congratulations. This is just a small sample of the rewards that await you. The more you win, the better things get for you. I'll leave you to your feast. Until next battle. Do I get any women? Is he wasn't looking at us? He was right. He was the cause. That's really hard to do for a long time. Yeah. Oh whoa. I didn't know today was Mario Day. Yeah. It's March 10th. Yeah. March 10th. March 10th. He gets it. Mario. He gets it. It took me a second to realize what's the force of fate. And then I was like, oh wait. It's Mario Day. Good job. She can be taught. Oh, I thought it was going to start at March. Who won May 5th? Has she seen it? Say good day, Mario. No. It's not a new Star Wars. It does return to the Sith. Yeah. Return and bring it back. We're taking it back. Did you show her the holiday special yet? Okay. So, I just kind of sit there and I go over. I go over to Korra. If I hate you, I'm going to use your phone. I'm not a fighter. I'm not a fighter. The guys we beat in the room. No. Just the winners. What woman? We are playing. What do you want? I've been watching for a few minutes because it popped on my Facebook. Good. Thank you. Don't go back to me. Yeah, just go back and we watch. Give them more views. Share it. Share it. Share it with everybody. Do it. Do it. Tell your people that tell your consultants that they're getting lots of free airtime and sponsor us. Sponsor. Any other sponsors? Give me free stuff. You want free leggings? Sure. Okay. I don't want free stuff. We need child size and Asian size. Teens. Tweens or whatever they're called. We don't want free stuff. He doesn't want leggings. I don't want free stuff. What's wrong with you? I got money. So? I got money. I love free stuff. You can keep your money and buy another stuff. Call me British because I love free stuff. What are you saying? No, I just haven't slept since yesterday morning. Why not? I've got a job now. I've got to be a doll. I didn't sleep. Shut up. Really? You're going to be the reason we call this tonight? It's only nine o'clock. I'm going to keep going. It's only nine o'clock. It's only nine o'clock. We've only been playing for an hour. I was with a girl. Lies. After work. Lies. Right after work. It's no lies. Yeah. Is the girl for work you like? No. Why not? She's got a boyfriend now. Come in and sit. They are actually really comfortable. 82 late. Why? 82 late. Comment on the thing. Comment on the link and share it with people on Facebook. Independent contractors. Oh, are you going to do that forever? No, he's not. How long is he on it? Okay. Probably a few more weeks. Oh, shit. I thought it was a damn towel. I was going to say that's how I work. Hey, focus. Hey, let's try to get Dylan laid. No. Focus. Hey, hey. Game time. Family show. Game time. We're trying to get Dylan to the head. No, of course. No. Game time. She won't deal with people. We always get off. We don't need the DM trying to railroad us because he never stays on track. I told her to comment. Just like and subscribe and comment. Yeah. There's a button, a little button. Hit the thumbs up and hit the comment. Don't forget to hit the little bell to make sure you get the notifications so you don't miss a episode. An episode? An episode? What the hell is a episode? I don't know. Are we getting people high? Maybe. What? I don't know. Okay. Continue. We hate you. Just continue to discuss, play, whatever. No? Okay. You guys are sent back to your... No! What? How long did you take to eat your little? Is it because I can't do this game? No! Fine. I'm done eating. What do you mean? I'm digging a hole in my mouth. What? With what? With lost hands. With your foot. I don't know why this thing was kind of cocky. You're sent back to your... I mean, your bolts are kind of loose. It's heavily. Do you have other fighters? Guard, send your Jamire cage later. I'm gonna show this robot how to have a good time. We're gonna fight? No. Oh. Citizen Nolan, the cage with us. It's a... It's a type of wrestling, though. It's Brock and the cage with us. Oh, I'm going to the back corner. Okay. I love you, Brock. Hey, man. I have no heart feelings. Hold a second. I stick my fingers to the hole in the snout. Brock, I was rooting for you the whole time. You should have kicked his dick earlier. I'm like, where'd it go? You're taunting him. Are you okay? I'm sorry. My head. He turks back. You want to tell him he wants to hit you? Come on. Do it. He doesn't. Do it. You know, you want to... They had a machine. They don't talk. Go in your corner. Are you trying to move me? I can. Try. You can try. Yes. I'm on strength. Okay. You can roll. No. Bitter. No. What do you mean no? I'm proficient in strength. Me too. I got... I got... Where'd you roll? It's nine plus six. 15. Where'd you roll? 15. Eight plus six. It's 14. 14. And then my modifiers. No, let's add it in with your proficiency. It's supposed to be, but I don't think it... Yeah. No, that's not fair. It's 14. I think... Four off. You got a character sheet? Yes, but I'm used to looking at my phone for this. Damn it. Language. What? Keep saying cuss words. What cuss words? Just thumbs up. Damn it. It's D-A-M. Okay, cool. Hey, we got an instant server. Cool. And thumbs up. Cool. And I share it with you on Facebook. To share the link, I've shared it on Facebook. Now ring the bell. Yes, and ring the bell. Ding ding. What does that mean? I don't know. What? There's a little bell icon in the video. So... Whenever we go live or videos post, it'll notify you. That's going to be a real annoyance. It is. What bell? I don't know. Don't worry about the bell. No bell, no bell. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm working. I see no bell. How is yours higher than mine? There's no ladder. Moving on. Yep. Okay. Four days pass. Time for a new fight. I have six left, athletics. I have eight. Please still don't move because it's still a tie. First up, Ed. What? And Vaughn. You're fighting Vaughn. Who's Vaughn? Eddie Vaughn Wolfenstein. Vaughn. You fight a cold ball. You guys suck. You're the easy opponents. You're the only easy opponent. That I had was last night and it was your mother. Yes, you do. No, in game, I don't have a mother. You do have a mother. She makes a living with her hand, with a hand stuck up her ass. Check the number? Dot com. That's copyrighted, too. We're promoting it. We're just reusing the same one. All right, well, here we go. No, it's fine. We don't need more. It's the same thing. We're just going to kill it anyway. Okay, initiative. That's what you get, making stupid jokes. Did I hit steal? Yes. Oh my goodness, woman, what? Just watch the video. Please. I'm trying to play. Don't worry about it, woman. You got five. Six. Seven. Eight. Twelve. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right. I got twelve. I got twelve. I got twenty-seven. What fun is that? What fun is what? She keeps texting me while we're playing. No. You're not doing anything wrong. No. He's watching a fight. Let's go and he's going to die. He's going to roll a net one. And now she laughed at me. Did you forget how to read? Hey, do not badmouth the DM. That's what I do. Do you want to fight a mechanic? I mean... I don't think about that. I took off your foot pretty easily. So you need a tinker or a nome after me? Nine does not hit you. Hey, it's your turn. Yep. I need some candy. Basically, I was so spot on by you. I'm getting lost stuff. I swing at you. I missed. You missed horribly. Ooh, cheese sticks! I forgot I had them in there. Oh, who's a croak? Okay, I got more. You ruined it. You want cheese sticks? Nothing. You want cheese sticks? Yes. You want cheese stick? No, I've been... Stephanie, cheese is good for you. I can't eat any more today. I've eaten enough. Lies? Really? You're going to turn it back into a cheese stick? Yes. It's a pull. It's a terrible part. So what? Eat it the way you like it. It's never on the way. Eat a cheese stick. You remember the way I ate that twinkie? You stop it. That's horrible, Cindy. What did she say? You're supposed to eat the churro. Wait, wasn't it a net 20? What did she say? Nothing. Stingy. Say it. It's like a biggy tail. Is that the damage? Did you taste it? Yeah, it's fine. I don't think it tastes anything. I'm going to hit it on Joel. Yeah. No. You're going to die. Are you going to roll properly? Because what is that? What is this? You're the characters. I know. I am. Stop it. I got to look up the definition for a second. Is that a rule? What? Real quick. Second wind? It is a bonus action. It's 1d10 plus your con mod. Sweet. Wait, my con mod, it says die fighter level. What is this con mod? That's a six. That's a nine. You're going to hit. I know. But I'm using my second wind to heal myself. Yeah. Nine. You should have been healed before the battle. I know. It's a damage though. Nine. Twelve. Wait, your hit point is on. Yeah, I hit you percent. Okay. I'm back to four. What do you want? Bill, there's a sleepy boy. You're not just hitting me for max damage. What's your hit point? 15. 15, are you still alive? Yeah, I'm still alive. Now roll for real this time. Nice damage. Good job. Roll the dice. Very good. Say look what happened. You actually rolled the dice. Okay. Damn right I did. About time. That ax was going straight for his skull. Okay, you rolled that skull damage. What are you... She's using the smart... Cindy is using the smarties. Nine. Use skull fuck them these days. Hold on. Nine. You describe the kill. Yeah, describe the kill. How do you do this? 19 damage. Cool. Use skull fuck them. Describe how you did it. Language! Sorry. I know. PG-13 now. No, he's said that one at least three times. I've never read it or. Sorry Ash. It's not as hard. I was just gonna watch this. Sorry Blake. Okay, okay. Sorry Chitlins. Made it hard for our luncheek. Don't do it. I go like this. No teabagging. No. What's teabagging Billy? It's where you take your tea and you bag and you put it in the water. So I swigged it. I thought I was going to take your... I swigged down with the one. Right into this skull. I come across with the other. Chop his head off. Father Shannon, we have no tact. You chopped his head off? Yes. You can't kill him. I can kill him if I want to. I just get a turmeric. Yes, let him get the turmeric first. Yeah, you know of. And then I just throw it into the crowd. They take him in the head and they... No, I threw the head into the crowd. They're using it as a beach ball. And they go back. Throw it back. And they back to you. And they're right there. And they pick it up with him. When it's not here. Head, God, head. Head, God, head. Head, God, head. So you're slowly turning into a barbarian. No, I'm slowly turning into a thunk. Because don't tell me to knock it off. Let's go. Yeah. Yeah. These are two characters from our other campaign that we play. It's over now. That he gets confused about it. Up next, Cora. Oh, they were from the same campaign. Hey, Jack. I thought she was... She's in the girls division. Why is she fighting men? Hey, sexist. These could be women. These could look like women. Are you sure? Jack can be short for Jackie. Isn't Jackie short for Jacqueline? Yes. So why does it need to be shorter by two letters? It just is. Mother, why does it have to be different? Because you're a girl. You should know this. Oh, I can face it, Jack. It's fire. What is that? It's fire. Put it up with that cool bit. There is an fragment. It's cold damage. I don't even have that. There you go. I don't choose it. You don't have to choose it. I choose you. Not as a sorcerer I do. Cheap. Like we follow the rules. Use ice knife. I don't have that. You know how much crap we're gonna get because we don't follow rules. Really? No. So many people are gonna beg on us about their own home rules. Rule number four. Fought the rule. Look at this. All right. Apologize once again. Rock you over. What do you mean? I know where it's from. All right. The words are already bitching about. Because reading that was rule number one. Rule number one. What's rule number four? I'm gonna read about next three people. There's gonna be people. I'm gonna have rubber band with me and I'm gonna try to leave because it's a little flicking with it. I will break them to this. Good luck with that. Pain is a great inducer. Oh, it's not. This week's phones are by Reese's Pieces. He's off with Reese's Pieces. Yeah, you're diabetic, sir. Watch yourself. I had brownies, cookies, and cakes today. Yes, I'll show you. Why are we laying down, did you? Because I don't have Reese's Pieces yet. He didn't eat the whole bag. I will. I've been good about it, actually. The brownie was like this freaking... Okay, focus. Okay, and how thick was it? Now we have a small, like literally a piece of cake, so... Focus. Gluten, no gluten. Slipper, no swipe? No, gluten, no gluten. The gluten-free cookie that's has a really big gluten. All right, focus. You go first. Go lit. Call it a funeral. Not only does she go first, I believe she gets an advantage. Oh, sorry, could you do that? What are you even doing? What's that fucker out of here? Language! See what I have to deal with. I've heard you swear at least twice. One's during game and one's at your own house. I was really bad. What did you all finish? I think so, you know. And I... Teen. And I have pollen, that was afterwards. I don't have pollen, yeah. No, but for the first time, you didn't apologize or squat. You just kept claiming you never swear. Oh, shit. You never said it before. I don't remember saying it, Brian. You guys said I didn't, so... You guys wouldn't lie to me. I don't need an advantage. What are you doing? I'm reading the text messages. I don't need an advantage. You do her. She's sending me text messages. All the... Obvious words don't... I don't need an advantage for it. All right. I'm attacking. Okay. Let's go. Next week we'll bring it... I'm bringing a jar and every time somebody cusses, you gotta put it to court quartering. I'm broke. Good luck with that. You just think you're rich. Yeah. I guess that I had money. Okay. Yeah. You're rich. I got like three pennies. No. He's dead. I work at Walmart. I can't afford to squat. Lies. She's squatting. I mean, Mark Wall. All right, Mark. Next week, is there money? Let's put more cards. Not commons. Yeah, that's not happening. Hey, you know, playing. Oh, what do you mean? My big muscle. Okay. She's like, it worked perfect. I went on. Yeah, he did. Yes. 10. 10? Now what? You're just a little freaking dragon at me. Or a dragon board or some weird thing that has like 20,000 hip ones. See, we always knew he was a real boy. Wait, he found it? Yeah. He looked it up. Nope. Most things go over his head because he's short. Wait a minute. Ow. How can you not know this? I'm struggling right really. You're a fighter, you know that. Why do you throw the heavy stuff at me? You're a fighter? He's a fighter! You're a fighter too? Yeah, but I've one hit KOed my opponents. He's having troubles. You can't get it up. He throws stuff at me that has like 30 hip points. Those of you that have like 5. Well, maybe it's just your curse that he rolls good for you. Yep, I grabbed my axe. Not until you get it, sir. Yep, I grabbed my axe. Oh, you don't? Yeah, that's what it? Yes, it is. Oh, I got my team. Thank you. Oh, I got 21. So you got 21? Yeah. And he got it. Matt, very careful. He still doesn't have to pass me enough of an opportunity to have to get to Leavens. He has his, there is a strong wherever. It is a strong wherever. Well, that's not fair. Well, then you need to throw another dice out there so he has to go get it because mine was thrown halfway in the middle of the ring. It's not a ring. He's got to go back and get it. That's his movement. May as I come all the way back to me. But I don't believe he's still in range. Because he moved away from you. He is. You don't play about rules. We don't play about rules, do we? Rule number four. Oh, you don't want to play that with me. All right. It is. That was his. I take a step over. I pick up my axe. I put on my shoulder. Okay. Okay, never speak. Okay. I wave at him and then shoot him. Well, that won't be important. Does you roll a 13? Yeah, thanks. Oh, okay, cool. But still better most. Uh, eight. Eight? Yeah. With a crossbow. I'm trying not to stab it into your floor. I hit the leaf first. Beat that chocodile. 20 hit here? Yes. John's main goal is to try to kill me. He's getting close once. Six. Jerk. He only wants to kill you. 19 hits. He's breaking games. He gets two attacks. Got a little one. Dude. Good damage. Jerk. There's a free action to call me Jerk. Hey, look, I didn't go with his full stats. He has three. Small attack. One with his bite and two with his claws. I think that's one bite, one claw. One with his bite and two with his claws. It's three attacks. No, it sucks. Right. And he's level one, so I'm learning how to do that. I was gonna say he also has a weapon in his hand, so he can't use it in the claw. That too. Ready my turn? It is your turn. Uh, bonus action to heal myself first. I have a bonus action already. I have a second win. Oh, okay. I'm gonna fight him. Woo-hoo. That helps a lot. And now I hate the monsters. Yeah, for something we all can really like. Uh, plus six is... Fifteen. Right. With my eggs. The most underused dice in the game. And you're all one. I'm D-12. I'm two. Eight more. Eight. I just gotta hook his leg. Like, I'm gonna take it. Yeah, let's just pull his legs out from the way he moves. It's on. He can walk off on his other leg. Ooh, he should have cut off the grind. Oh, that's hard. I like little nuts. They're good for you. Same as last time. You were all brought out of the middle of the... I just do this. Here's the crowd. Baby, be cannon. Baby, be cannon. You get taken back and healed, and you have a brand new clean uniform. Yes, you are in uniforms, by the way. What do I do with this? Do what? Oh, they came for me as soon as they... No, the uniform. I don't like this. Or not, or not. That's up to you. You shove it up the hole that I drove down to you last night. Oh, gosh. There's no holes in me. Yes, there are. No, there's not. Yep. It's even got a butt flap. I'm gonna do a perception on that. There's no butt flap. There's no butt flap. There's no hole. All right. Um, try to lie to me. So, same as last time, the wearers are taking a different piece. So, we're having to wear dirty uniform. We want to get a clean one. I give Mike the brock the knoll. Oh, gosh. I like peace with him. I go to him and drag him away from brock the knoll. For two days. For two days there have not been any fights. Well, who will work out there? Kind of in the middle of the arena. All the fighters. Trilon appears to speak with all of you. The semi-annual Bloodhawk fighting championships is nearly upon us. It is the event where all of you will fight. Yay! Four days, 11 fights. I will take you all down. Plus, one of you will face the champion. The winner will be crowned the new champion. That's gonna be me. Being the champion allows you various freedoms. Your own living quarters. Able to roam certain parts of the city. Women. Men. I don't want women. I don't want me. He wants both. And five freedom credits. What's a freedom credit? For those who are not aware, for every fight you win, you receive one freedom credit. So we got two. 20 freedom credits. And you can buy your freedom. I'm up by 18 people right now. You may also use your freedom credits to buy certain luxuries. New uniforms, better food, dinner with the winners, and other items. I don't want to eat with somebody that beat me. However, lose a fight. Lose a freedom credit. So we have to win 20 in a row? And that's why I, the champion, has 15 freedom credits. So can we lay down four in the same way? Only needs five more, and he is free. Does he get five of five of fight? Does he get five points if he wins? And the champion will only fight in one fight, unlike all of us here. What happens if we throw the fight for the champion so he can be free? Nothing. You're a sucker. Throw the fight, and you die. Okay, maybe something does happen. I was just asking if I could see this chucklehead over here trying to make a deal with him. I haven't seen you do much fighting. What? If you want to fight, you can take my hand, but that's rare. Don't make me get the drill. You don't have a drill. How do you know? Listen to the uterus. Do you even know what that is? I'm calling a baby cannon. That's what a uterus is. Can we up these stakes? Did you do a stake? I said stakes up. You don't even think that's what you... How do you mean? I mean, for... You said whenever we win a fight in this semi-tournament, we get a freedom token, or whatever it's called. So you're going to keep a track? Yes, I have been. So... Do you fight now? Two tokens. So whoever loses, I have to give up the freedom tokens I have. No, one. Only one. Really? Unless it's the tournament where you get five. That's the one where you get five? For beating the champion. To give the champion you five. But if you have five or more... All I gotta do is beat the champion. If you... Yes. If you... Champion, meet me in my cage. Ignore the robot. Champion's not there. Can we challenge the champion now? No. He's not there. I'm asking... No, I'm asking the guy. I wasn't... You want to challenge the champion now? Yeah. I want to challenge him to a game of rock, paper, scissors, lizard, spot. A second. And I'll give up my two freedom points if he beats me in. And if he loses, then they'll only need one. You want to know this? If I lose, the champion can take him as a personal puppet. Okay. Give them back. You're not fun, dude. All right, bye. I have to walk away. At first, he had his ears protected when he flew, so he wanted to challenge the champion. Come on, that's stupid. God, kill me. We're like a big dragon. He didn't level up. Already? Shut up! Except we're doing... Yay! No, no! I just give up. Share it. Only two fell out, no step on him. Three fell out. I'm gonna. I can't. Yeah, bend over. That's what I'm saying above the table. Did you do that before? You don't know what's on that floor. Well, considering my hair is right next to somebody's nose tissue paper, it didn't touch the paper no more. Oh, he's level up. I don't know what the hell... Um, just roll a d6. Let me hear it straight from you. D6 for your... Are we still alive? Yes, we're still alive. We're still alive. We're still alive? Yes, we're still alive later. Oh, you know what? I'm gonna do this. I got 10. We're going to take an admission while we level up. So... We're not gonna turn it off. No, we'll pause it. No, there's no pause. There's no pause alive? Really? We can't, like, stop and then restart a new video? No. Why not? Why? So we have time to level up and everything else? It's level up. It takes forever. Nobody wants to watch us level up. It doesn't take long to level up. We're level one. Yes, it's going to take a while. What the hell's your damn messenger? My messenger? All it is is health. No, you get other things. That's what I thought. You know, I thought it pays nothing. I got it. I'll tell you. You get more spells. Where do we stop them, people? You want to stop at 10? Does it daily save you in times of night? 10's good. I hope we can stop now since it's... 9.30. 9.30? I still want to taste. Well, let's keep going. Fault of magic. Huh? Fault of magic. It's a font. It's a level. You tap into a depot of spring of magic. Oh. Your sorcerer. Your sorcerer, yeah. We get two sorcery points. What's that? Sorcery points. You... Basically, you get two of those. I hate that. Solidly, as a bonus action on your turn, you can spend one spell slot. And gain the number of sorcery points equal to... Oh, I really am Paul Hamer. What page are you on? I'm on page 101, but I'm still going to have to explain it to you because you're not going to understand it. Well, I'm not going to understand it with you Paul or me either. Holy crap. Dude, I really am Paul Hamer. Oh, yeah. Basically, what the sorcery point is is set your cast to a level 2 spell. Use both of your sorcery points, and it becomes a level 4 spell. You can't see the comments. Will I get them back? Yeah, then the next will rest. A low rest. But you also get... I have no idea what character she is. It's so weird. Dude, seriously, you're getting feedback. I'm so immature. Is that a feature? What? The sorcery point thing. Yeah, that's what you get set to a level. That's the fault of magic. Is that a feature? Yeah, it's fault of magic. But you also get four spells or four kind of troops. Four first level and two seconds. Oh, no. Just no, three first level. Sorry. Black woman. Keep it going, John. Will mature. What? My wife. Be mature. This is so weird. Wait, stop it. Why don't you play with your belly button? Sicko. What'd you say I get? I'm sorry. You get another... Two more first and two seconds? No, you get one more. One more first level. Oh, my God, it's dirty. I thought you said... No, just one. Stop lying. I can't help it. I'll get an ax in search. Wait, you're a lion? Yep, another giraffe. So you witnessed your uncle murdering your father? Ax in search. This basically means I get another attack. Yeah. My nose itched. Smell that coat I do. What is the cute laugh? I don't like that laugh. That sounds like an old hack. Cackling. Hey. You're mean. You're short. Well, I'm new. What? Don't say my name in old cabs. Stupid pencil. Oh, I can't reach. Go, go, gadget arms. Okay, we're ready. All right. How are you not ready? It's been... I spilled. I don't have one. Here. It's a fire spell. Use something that's energy. Like telepathy ears. Can I show you this on your baseball? Telekinesis. You're... You are pretty. Use something that charms people. Oh. They're too smart to have words against. It only works on humans. Illuminoids. Illuminoids. They'll learn it. Yeah, you're fighting somebody. You can tell them, hey, you're my friend. Dig a hole. I'm just digging till you're out of energy and just keep digging. That's what he did to one of his slaves. Or... Oh, can you cast heat metal? That'd be awesome. So he's wearing an old armor. Like, you know, me. You cast it on me. And I can't take myself off. Well, you're wearing armor. I am armor. All right. This is wearing a long cloth. I'm metal. And I'll play it. Who put Dungeon of Dragons life quest? All right. Yeah. That's how he put it on there. I didn't. That's... It's fine. I think the name of the freaking, like, efforts, like, what the series is called. It's okay. The name of the episode can always be fixed. Oh, the name of the series is Wise Clives. I can only speak Chinese. Heat metal, transmutation. You should be able to cast it. At one? No, it's a level two spell, sorry. Okay, I was like... I only like the level one. Because you said I only get one level one, correct? You got three level one spells. Okay, I had two. Yeah, but... So now I get three. Yeah, but you... One more. But you can cast up to level four because you have your two sword... Or up to level three because you have your two sword for your points. Now, we have, since we're stopping at 10, we are getting ready to enter a tournament. Oh, so we're going to enter a tournament? Okay, for a three day tournament, yes. With brackets and everything. Oh, geez. So... Do you guys want to continue or do you want to just wait till next week? Well, we can do, like, where he brings us all out and introduces us all to the crowd who will spike in the tournament and who our first round competitors are. You want to do the first round? We can do that. We got half hour. So, are you guys ready? Go other guy. Go other guy. Um, did you add your plus one on your... Your hit points? Why didn't we see? You go to D6, right? You add your... I didn't say plus one. No, it's from your dragon instance, right? I told you that. So, plus one? Plus your calm modifier. What's your calm modifier? Three. Okay, so four plus whatever you rolled. Oh, that's... Oh, yeah, four. Do the mechanic. Be the mechanic. What's 11? That's... Oh, that's awesome. 11 is one more than 10. How many points you got now? I'm ready. Are you guys ready? I'm ready. Are you ready? I'm been ready. First round versus Yuck. Yuck? Why are we... Why UK? Yuck, yuck, yuck. That's what you're like. Ew! Oh, I'm gonna spike that. I'm gonna tell. I'm gonna tell. Yeah. You call him an armadillo? Who's face? Yeah. You were just giving your weapons. I was gonna say, that's what I was gonna ask. Huh? You were just giving your weapons. Wake up. Are you sleeping? Yeah, he was. No, I was paying attention. Lies. I need a tennis shirt. I need a will. 13. You go first. Dude, this is expensive. No, don't go. You're dirty. I'll get in trouble. Why are you showing me wearing your wife's clothing? It's my clothing. I paid for it. I just let her use it. Oh, my gosh. She's not watching anymore, is she? Yeah, she is. Oh, okay. Magic level. Cast to the face. Oh, cast to higher levels. You can cast up to level three. Do it. Okay. Blast him. You'll burn both of your sorcery points. If you do that. So what's she... 15. What's she doing? What's she doing? She rolls the force for it, and then she adds plus five. That's another nice move. Winner. Now you're going to do a low rest and get your sorcery points back. Yeah. We're doing a low rest between them. Yeah, it's three days. Yeah. Four days. Four days. It's supposed to see. Give me a dumb, dumb fight. The next match will be whatever Heather is. Versus Zark. Zark wins. Because she's not here. She's not here. I had to roll a lot of the furniture. Does that mean I got to fight Cindy? Vaughn versus Griss. Yeah. Guys, I'm going to be in a draw. So they both lose. I'm going to fight Grimlock versus Brock. I'm going to rock one. He has to face nobody. He gets a free pass. Man! And then to the next round. Z-tug versus unit seven. You got a goth move? Yes, I will. I'll get him. Z-tug. The car blunt. Take your pace. I'm going to kill you car blunt. You can try. Draw. That should amount of words. Thank you. You're reversed. How far away is he? Five, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30. Okay, cool. First, biggest you are. You really are weak. I am. Why? He's tired. He's still weak. Look how soft and squishy he is. What's up? I know. I'm slowly building up muscle. I had to move the furniture steal earlier this week with all the furniture stuff still on it. Why with the furniture? Because he's a dingus and didn't realize that. Because that's the Walmart way is to us to hurt ourselves apparently. Oh, okay. That's my signature. I waited that day was I raised my order. Walmart don't care about their employees. I'm sorry. I mean associates. Does a 16 minute. Is this a 16 minute? Yeah. Okay. I'm glad I went to the swimming pool today. I sat in the hot tub almost three hours. Nine hours? Yeah. No, I went to the swimming pool. I took my sister. I walk over. I look and I told you I was going to kill you. Did you finally want to have a KO or something? You did. I fought a Gerbler. Of course I KOed him one shot. About the time you did something. Weekly. Winner. Unit 7 for cataracting. Next up. Ed versus Jack. The one you fought. Personally. Change my opponent's name to Double D. Eddie. I know what you mean. No. You know if I had an Ed, Ed, Eddie. Yes. I would fight. I like that. It's not you. It's Ed. I'll put you in place. What did you do with yourself? Oh, I put him over here to sleep. They kind of drag him in by the ankles. He's asleep. I don't want to fight. You can't make me you know my dad. You took two of my guys. I did not jump through them over there. You took my dad. You took my dad. Ready? You took my dad. Daughter is opening it right around. I'm gonna go first. Yeah. You're gonna die. What would you do? 10. I go first. Holy crap. You're gonna get one in KKO now. You're gonna light you a fire. You're gonna light a fire to you. Remember, boy. Please tell me he has a southern accent like Tater Sally. You bring it on Walnut. You rock Tater Sally. So yeah, this is kind of happens. Keep it up. Wait. What happened to my weapons? You're gonna have them. Okay, good. Roll the dice, John. Roll the dice. Roll the dice. Under the table. Under the table. Ow. Nine damage and you're on fire. Nine and I'm on. You're burned. You're slain, man. Until you take an action to douse the fire, you take another d6 of damage at the end of your turn. Ow. Douse. So that action can be used. Stop. Drop the roll. Can it be used as a bonus action? No, your action is you're dousing the flames. But doesn't your second win give you an action? Not as a second win. Well, I also have action surge, so I can get an additional action plus possible bonus action. Good. Use it. Yes. Okay, so how are you dousing the flames? First off, I'm swinging my axe as well. I'm on fire. Disadvantage. No. No, let him do it. That would... Let me do me. Hold on. Disadvantage. The immense pain. That one's 11. It's an 8. Where did you... 8 was a low one? Yeah, that's the one you take. So what's your damage? What's your... What do you want him to hit here? What are you doing? Trying to hit with an axe. Yes. So what? Okay, 8 plus 1 plus... That's it. Oh, that's it? No. I did sit. I rolled 6 plus 2. Oh, no. Okay, my additional action will be to stop, drop, and roll. He will... And it'll be like this. Which way are you gonna roll? Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. He's going pretty speed away. Like, you know the little kids that roll down the hill at school? He's hiding behind the boat. Every time there's any movement, so... When you need your boat, you're not gonna heal. Yeah. Doing it. But now you're... But now, for your neck, your move, you're gonna stand up. Or you're gonna stand up as your reaction? No, standing up is a clap of your movement. How is it? Seven. Or a quarter of a minute. You're touched again. Tell me, show me the dog where's the fire thing that touched you? 6 damage. Ow! And he's on fire again? Yeah, they're on fire again. Keep rolling. I'm gonna kill this fool, dude. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Move it on the mark. By the way, the edges, they're literally gonna be the wall. Okay. You guys at 30? No, don't do the hole. Use part of it to stand up. But then, what's now? I think I'm gonna only use my actions three times a day. Okay. Can you throw... He haven't done an action yet. Yeah. But he's already down, so all he did was roll for his movement to put it out. So he's done your action. Yeah. Don't want your actions at it. Yeah. Okay. He's chucking a great axe over his head. Yes! You hit. A 19! More damage. A great chucking of the great axe. You are gimly. At least put that new in half. Good. Yeah. 15. Yeah, the hardest damage I do to you. 19 damage. And you have a total of how many hit points? 23. So you're almost there. Well, he healed himself in the middle. I healed myself. I went down to 15. And... And what? The blades. It's just in. You don't want to be great? Pretty much around. I was already... I haven't gone yet. Yeah, you did. No, I didn't. We finished the goblin. I don't count that. We just got 15 minutes from the... Korra versus Zerk. That jerk. You got your soldier of points back, too. No? Oh, he has his next day. Mm-hmm. Oh, cool. And we got an extra soldier of back. What's that we're using, boy? Cure. I'm gonna find a ton of goblins. What is that? That's a hobgoblin. Really? What's that for? She's fighting an 8-minute sword? No. A hobgoblin. A hobgoblin. I don't see that. I saw the light pole. I thought hobgoblin... That's a world war. I thought hobgoblin had a... Is that hobgoblin, huh? Hobgoblins? I thought hobgoblin had an... An orange fuzz. I'm not all right. Initiative? I'm trying to escape. 16. Each of us. Six. You go first. Soldier of points, my girl. There's something else. Are they not? They're doing what she wants to do. Come on, spice it up. Your intelligence is high. Do whatever you want. Wait, we're gonna spice this video up now? No, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I'll find whatever. We'll have a tea off. Is anyone's? Nope. We can do it, not even trouble. She doesn't need to go to jail. No, uh-oh, yeah. No? Yeah. Because one, she's not here, and two, we're filming it. A channeling pissed. We'd get the channel taken off. John is a sick and twisted individual. New to you on this show. Nope. Stop it, Dylan. He wasn't the only one. You're tucked in. Oh, I love these three shirts. He wishes he's sexy like me. I fuck you. I like you. Lame words. Can't say buffalo five, and I expect a quote. I'd do me. Would you do me? I'd do me. So you do it. It sounds dirtier. For every reason why they're laughing is my wife keeps texting me. She's not worried about what everybody's saying. She's worried about me stretching the shirt. Poison spray. Seventeen. I love you, boo. Yeah, I don't think anything happens if you say it. Oh, fifteen. Sorry. So you failed. Through your damage. Mouthless face. Oh, what's the range on that? Is that feet? I don't know. I'm close enough. So you moved. No, you're happy. Continue. I don't like being that close. Why did I choose this one? You're going to blind him. I'm not telling him. Holy crap. Eight. Plus. Oh. Should be four, I believe. Where is it? Right there. Where? Six? Yes, plus six. Oh. So, uh, four. Hey, she walked up between this. She great mooted him. You turn into the great moota. Hey, he's a Japanese wrestler who spit green mist in the people's face. And then would hit a move that he only hit on six people in his entire career. It's called the burning hammer. It's a very dangerous move. And there's a reason why he only did it. It's like you with the F5 system. Or Brock Lesnar. Do you ever watch wrestling with him? No. The way you can put them on your shoulders and you lift them up. And drop them straight on their head. That's the F5. No. They're laying like the torture rack. Oh, that, you know. And it's very, very dangerous. This type, this one you see one of these times is type in burning hammer. Next up, unit seven. My sub gets to need me. You may call us Ed. And Ed. Didn't you already have a fight this round? Nope. That was day one. This is day two. Oh, cool. Do you want to die? Cool. You're going to die. What do you mean? I don't have to do a shit. Let's settle this without weapons. Bitch. Okay. My Harvey, you want to fight? I'll turn you into a bench later tonight. A what? A bench. A bench. Oh, sorry. A bench. Or a stool. Okay. You're going to be bent over. Okay. You don't understand this. Well, your initiative's 15. What did you want? What did you get? 10. Unit seven goes first. You can't see me. Well, you said great actions. You didn't say nothing about crossbows. I said no weapons. It's not a weapon. It's part of me. It's a weapon. It's a weapon. My fists are weapons. We can't use fists. Which way are we going to hug each other? Isn't that what most wrestling is? Do I hit you? Yes. You're all 17. That's whatever. He's got a 13. All the damage. He's got a 13 on a class. You're lucky, Foo. Six damage. Yeah, I'm just going to let you guys go ahead and do it. Hey, not Accenture. So, 13. Yeah, that's it. I'm going to play Sticks. Hey, one again. So, six move. And I'm just constantly doing this. Back to you. A lot of other people in the crowd are now also doing this. That's what I was trying to get going. Have fans. Now I got people going. Which one are you on? Ed Get Head. Ed Get Head. Ed Get Head. Ed Get Head. Oh, Ed got hurt. 20. Suplex City, bitch. You're going to try to suplex me. Yes, okay. Are you really straight? Hold on tight. I want to reverse this. If he's doing this, I'm tombstowing him. As soon as he lifts me up, I'm... clapping. Now, hold on. This is what happens. Yes, he breaks his legs. So this is why I'm not one as bad. Yes. This is why I'm not as bad. You're going to grapple him. The moment you use any strength to pick him up, you not only hear, but you feel a crack snap. No, snap. You drop like that. I'm hitting with the block out. Hold on. No, he's not middle. He's flat out. Done. You broke your spine. My character is now useless for the rest of the game. I am metal. You are flesh. You lose. And I do this. Winner. Unit 7. Give me. Give me. Yeah, I do this to him. All this, and that happened. That's what you get. You shouldn't know not to fight me. You lose every time you fight me. Who didn't die? When he murdered eight people in a monkey? That's right. Because we saved your life. No, you were more concerned with taking my life. You guys ready for the next round? Yeah. Well, we're still, we still got seven minutes. No one's left of me and her. No. And two others. That's a three-way thing. Ew. She's going. So it's you, me, me. Wait, I'm not fighting him. You're fighting me too. Next match, Korra versus Brock. Versus Unit 7. We're tagging him in the middle. We're tagging him in the middle. We're taking it off first. But you do have to fight him because of you, uh, you, um, um. You don't fight, you die. Yeah. We'll fight each other. Hey, we're almost matched. As long as you don't try to grab me. I'm not stupid. They grabbed you. She saw it happen when somebody tried to grab someone. But he brought, come give me a hug. They got your back broke. I need initiatives. Okay, you stay there. Stay still. This is what you need to mess with, Brock. Really? I got 17. 75. Brock goes first. He charges straight up here. Oh crap, you're too out for our audience. I can't get you. Well, it's cute. You have 17. You're good. Unless he rolls a 17 or higher. I don't think I said that to you. She's the, oh, what size is he? Medium. You can go between his legs and he can't hit you. Whose feet is that? Yeah, how does that work? Because you're small. I just do it automatically. Don't do this because I'm a fan. 10, 16. Oh, cool. The live paid 15, 20, 25, 30. He's making. I get the vintage. Well, we went out. I'm gonna hit with my axe. I hit with my axe. 21. 6 plus 6 is 12 damage. 12? 12 damage to Brock. Did you see that? Oh, please. That's it. Hold on. Oh, yes. Wait, what? Oh, we have a photo on Facebook. Yeah. What? Our photo from earlier. Yeah, that's what I shared. From the party. Oh. Your aunt. Oh, I thought you were talking about the photo that we were trying to take tonight. Oh, no. Uh, what was the damage? 12. Okay. Accent search. Yep, that hits. No. 19 plus 6 for 14 more damage. 14 more? Yep. He goes down. I do this. So he's turned. Do it. Magic missile him in the face. You can do it. It's okay. I won't be mad at you. I do. If you consider bludgeoning damage, this should be it's force damage. It's magical force. Okay. That's still good. So I got in trouble with one of the night managers the other night. For what? That's gonna hurt. Well, okay. We're moving the eye. Hoo. Eye holes. One of them had a nameless green on the bottom shelf. So it was dragging. Take the listerine off the bottom shelf. We just lay him out of the floor. I just got him back from my break while the people were going back. So I was told to put the listerine bottles over towards the aisle that we had moved back. But don't put them back on the shelf yet. All right. I thought it was 30. So I figured, you know, grab a handle, flip it over, and start playing hockey with the listerine bottles. Start playing hockey with the listerine bottles. And get caught. There's about 20 listerine bottles that got through about 12 of them. 30. Aren't you trying to keep your job? Yes. But I'm also one of the ones who do the work. Move automatically or what? Sometimes small? No. It's fine. Miss, you can dodge all the way. Also remember, you're smaller than I am. Yeah, that's what I do. 4-0, 1-2-1. Oh, 16. I used my bonus action to heal myself. Your turn. Yes! She's not sharing your face. She already used my spell slot. She wasted all of her spell slots on that one spell slot. All of her sorcery points. Yep. You don't have any more spells? Yeah. Yeah, she's only got two level ones left and no sorcery points now. I'm going to pack the max. Well... You're going to ask a spray, aren't you? Yes. Or a poison spray? I'm not sure a poison would do anything to you. It wouldn't. I don't think so. You're just a threat. He's metal. I'm the robot. Poison isn't going to do anything. Yeah. What's poison? All your reasons. Two and a half. What would poison do to a robot? It could. That's not what the circuitry tip were. They're not really circuits. Well, I think you would have poison immunity. Like, hell. I'm not sure how that works. If I want to look up that book, I'll look up and see it. So that's saved. Oh, I read it. No, I didn't read it there. Look it up on your phone or something and see it. It's a dex save. Okay. Watch, woman. We're busy. Where'd you get? I got... Dex save, right? Yeah. Yeah. 15. I'll take half. You didn't save, did you? No. Then you would take half all of it. No. No, I refuse. I take half because I'm immune. For what? It's a poison acid. It's acid. Okay. I'll take all. Yeah. Give me that damage. Give you that beautiful weed, budge. Wait. Do I add anything? Probably. You're six. Oh, 11. Is that a heal? I can't... I hope it does, because they eat away with it at the end of every turn. D4 damage. Yeah. I can heal at the end of my turn. How many heal do you have? You can heal every turn. I refresh every day. Oh, okay. So you can only heal once? Every day. No, I have 20 heals that I can do. Yes, it's funny. They were chasing me. We bought a rat for $5 on my PD. What? All right. Silly show. I messed up. No, I said, darling. I can't hit you. Hit her. You're my friend. He hurt himself. I didn't hurt him. I don't have anything else that will... You were the last thing that touched me. You have a weapon. Not right now. Later. All liabilities fall on your master. You're out of spells? You got your bow. But I chose... You have cantrips. I chose ones that won't really do anything. Show them the second to fight me. Well, I'll have to back up for that, right? Yes. Here's the best thing you have to do. Let me play mine. Wack M5 was the stick. I don't like stick. She has a bow. It's a stick. Put the string on it. I grab it, pull it back. No. What do I add to that anyway? It'd be your deck's block. Your deck's professor scene. Yeah, that'll hit. All right, all right. I do this. Make sure you hurt her. I can play that game, too. Seventeen. D-eight. So, six damage. I just look at you. Done. Just do it. Just do it. How's the answer? Fight. All right, I'll visit him over. High-fall. Think the fuck I do. I give up. Don't say that. I can't take it anymore. I'm proud of you, Bowie. Fine. Wolffoot fighting. Winner, Cora. They don't know what she does magic. They don't know what kind of magic she did to me. She's gonna froze my joints up. Help, I can't move. So, tomorrow, the winner, Cora, will face the champion, Drelmoiv Borngrey. Oh, my. It is good luck. He's about to pass out. Yup. Yup. So, everybody, thank you for watching. Tune in next week at 7.30. Ish Pancras. So, 7.30 next week, and we will be back. So, let it happen. How do you stop this thing? So, at work, we're removing the lotions. He's not done yet. I don't want to stop it. Oh, yes, I want to stop it.