 My name is Leslie Hawthorne and I am the Director of Developer Relations for Elastic Search, Incorporated and Today we're going to talk about checking your privilege specifically a how-to to do this very hard thing For those in the audience who are not familiar with the term privilege This is a concept that there are certain opportunities That we are able to access not by virtue of our hard work or our intelligence But simply something that is innate about us Something that we did not choose something that we were born with So a brief example as a heterosexual female. I can go out to dinner with my partner We can hold hands and we can give one another a kiss and I need never have fear That someone will make noises of disgust about our relationship Nor do I have to be afraid that once we leave that restaurant We may be physically assaulted because someone takes umbrage with our sexual orientation And that simple fact Is in fact one of privilege So before getting started into the meat of our discussion and ways in which we can check our privilege I think it's very important to talk to everyone in the audience today about why i'm actually here giving this talk um throughout my career in the tech world which Is getting on to 15 years now I've been Equally obsessed with technology from networking to search algorithms and analytics As I have been in what I like to call the human element in development What are the processes and what are the methodologies that allow us as human beings To come together To work most effectively with one another to be able to build useful And beautiful things that matter And I also think that it's very important to be someone who brings this message To our community Because if you had asked me At the beginning of my career And in fact the first few years of my career in the technology industry If we had a problem With people being marginalized With people not having access to success in the technology industry. I would have told you no I would have told you That technology and the world of open source is a meritocracy It is a world in which we will be able to succeed Purely on the basis of our merit How hard we work the quality of our ideas Our ability to execute And through a great deal of learning reading My own lived experience And sharing the lived experiences of others who are underrepresented in the technology world I have come to realize that that is absolutely not the case And if I as someone directly impacted By marginalization in the technology industry Although potentially the least affected as a white cisgendered woman If I did not recognize the impact As someone who was Experiencing it I find it very difficult To ask those of us who have even more privilege than I do In this case, I would be referring to white men To recognize their own privilege and to combat it If I didn't see what was happening It's very hard for me to ask you to realize what's going on around you Without bringing you more information so that you can make better decisions So to lay the foundations for this talk a few ground rules First of all, these are my opinions and these are my opinions alone They are not the opinions of my employer Elasticsearch Incorporated though I am deeply grateful that they have sent me here to be with all of you today These are not the opinions of anyone other than Leslie Hawthorne I cannot speak for all women I cannot speak for people of color I cannot speak for people who are differently abled I cannot speak for people who are transgendered I can only speak to you of my own lived experience And of the research that I have done The most important goal for me today Is that we take this as an opportunity to share knowledge with one another In a judgment free way And what I mean by this is as there has been more and more discussion Around issues of diversity in the technical community And more and more understanding That we have problems that we need to solve A good number of my male colleagues have come to me privately and they've said That they are just now beginning to understand feminism They are just now beginning to understand their privilege They are finally realizing that they have things that other people will never have But they are also afraid And they are afraid that if they act They will do the wrong thing They will say the wrong thing They will be taken to task And found wanting because they made a mistake in their actions And the unfortunate consequence of that of course Is that if we take folks who now wish to be our allies Who have finally seen that there are ways in which we can correct the problems in our communities If we try hard and work together If they are too fearful to act They cannot be our allies So I want more than anything to create a judgment free environment in which we can make mistakes And have a candid dialogue together In a spirit of love and mutual respect Because what binds us all together is our humanity And as we all know to err is human And to forgive is the flying spaghetti monster as you wish So our story so far Um, I don't wish to belabor any of these points I feel like most folks in the audience are probably well aware Of the discussion around marginalized groups and the technology industry I've thrown up a few factoids on this slide for folks who may not be following the discussion actively The one that I would like to bring the most attention to is actually the very first bullet the one regarding online harassment This study was published by a group of researchers in june of this year And what they did in order to perform this experiment and do their research Was they took two bots Identically programmed One had a mail name one had a female name And they put them into chat rooms on irc for those who aren't familiar with irc internet relay chat to group online chat room And they found that the female named bots received 25 times more harassment Strident language insults You don't belong here things of that nature And remember these are the exact same bots same vocabulary Same ability to interact with users just different names clearly female and clearly male gendered names And if we think about How we talk about the open source world and the open source world as a meritocracy Where the best idea is when and it is the quality of our code that defines us And also as this meritocratic society that helps people to gain further employment because If you simply publish your source code source code openly people will be able to see What a great coder you are or they will be able to see the quality of your work If we then consider That one of the greatest resources for being an effective open source software developer IRC Is an environment in which women are 25 times more likely to experience harassment I think we are forced to consider that our meritocracy does not exist Or that women are expected to what? Thank you That women are supposed to what work 25 times harder in order to get the same things done Again does not sound very meritocratic to me So why this matters? In my ideal universe Everyone cares about this topic Because we all wish for a world of equal opportunity and equal access for every person But I am not as naive as I once was and I do not believe that everyone holds that view And certainly what I define as a just world with equal access and opportunity Is not going to be the same for everyone So instead of considering the idea simply of justice I'll bring forth another Mark of success financial success It has been widely shown in scientific literature that teams that are more diverse Create better products Have more extensive customer bases And that their customer bases are more diverse in terms of industry Meaning that in times of economic downturn These businesses are likely to be more viable because of the diversity Of their customer base If you'd like to dive into this scientific literature, I would like to recommend to you ash striden's excellent presentation Programming diversity in which she dives into all of these studies in much greater detail Absolutely excellent resource for you So if we consider then that it is not simply justice that motivates us But also our ability to earn a livelihood Surely diversity in our communities should be at the top of our minds So then let us move on to privilege and why privilege is so very very hard So we are all participants in a system and that system is called society It is us all of us human beings living together and doing things And the difficulty is for those of us who have privilege myself very much included The system defaults work for us out of the box It never occurs to us that there are any bugs in these systems because it always works on my machine every time And I first learned about these toxic system defaults when I was very young And it was when I learned about racism So when I was growing up I Grew up in a very affluent suburb in silicon valley and In the early 80s my school computer lab had six apple 2e machines In the computer lab and I of course thought everybody has six apple 2e machines in the computer lab because doesn't everyone have what is in my school No, just so we know So I did my learning in that environment But it's in terms of my social community. It was really much more focused around our church And whereas I went to school with a population that was exclusively white In my church, we had a great deal of racial diversity economic diversity, etc And my best friend when I was growing up to use her own words was a black girl Her name was adonis williams and she was a champion roller skater Gracious Incredibly Just that's the word I'm looking for it starts with the g graceful. Thank you gracious and graceful Uh wonderful human being and I loved her for many reasons particularly her compassion because I was a clumsy awkward nerd girl And every time we went roller skating I would fall down and she would never make fun of me, which was quite nice So one day she was over at my house on a play date and we were out in the backyard playing and she skinned her knee as you do So I went into the house To bring her a bandage Because why wouldn't you And I came out and I handed her this wonderful little packet of plastic I watched her open it up remove the adhesive backing and place this piece of adhesive and plastic over her knee And I didn't know what was wrong, but I knew something was really really wrong Like to the point where the hairs on the back of my neck were standing up I knew I was seeing something that was violent, but I didn't know why And I thought about it for a while and then I went aha I have my answer And I said to Donna's I am so very sorry I'm not being a good host. We don't have your band-aids I'm going to go with my mother to the supermarket and we will buy your band-aids so that the next time you come To play we will have your band-aids so that you can be comfortable here And that was when she looked at me and she told me that they didn't make band-aids for her And it would have never occurred to me that my flesh colored band-aids Were really colored for my flesh But certainly my friend Is a creature of flesh and blood as well And this my friends is why privilege is so very hard Because there are biases inherent in our system And they are so difficult to see Because they simply look like The backdrop of our lives And since the defaults are configured for us It never occurs to us to question that there are in fact defaults or that there are in fact bugs In the system So let's talk a little bit about some of the defaults we have in the technology industry This is a now famous quote by Paul Graham The gentleman who's behind Y Combinator A very famous venture capitalist And when he was talking about the sort of person that he would invest in This was his remark I can be fooled by anyone who looks like Mark Zuckerberg So let's unpack that a little bit. How does Mr. Zuckerberg look? Well, he's young He's white He likes to wear a hoodie And now let us consider that if this is the profile in our minds Of the person who is capable of being innovative Who is capable of making a product that will change the world Someone with whom we can be confident that our millions of dollars will lead to great return on investment What does that mean about everyone who does not fit into this very narrow profile Of a human being People who are not young white men wearing hoodies cannot be innovative They cannot build useful products Surely this cannot be the case And yet because of coming to situations with these pre-existing notions It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy Surely people who look like Mark Zuckerberg shall be successful because everyone who has been successfully funded has looked like Mark Zuckerberg Needless to say these defaults are highly problematic Now this is where we get into the very hard things How many of you in the audience consider yourselves to be logical rational human beings? Sometimes excellent. I see many hands Time to time excellent so It doesn't exist I like your theory and we'll subscribe to your newsletter so The difficulty is as we are busy being people who love to think right we're geeks We like to think we like to to puzzle through problems and really figure out what's going on and to get to the heart of the matter We don't think of ourselves as the kinds of people Who would behave in a manner that is exclusionary to other people? Right no one gets up in the morning and thinks I am a racist They get up in the morning and think I am a good person and I am going to work very hard to be good to other people today Or at least I would like to hope if that's not how you wake up. That's cool. But maybe you want to go hang out in the hall So If you Are in this boat of thinking that you are very logical and rational I would like to to bring to the fore a very poignant example five years ago For professional orchestras the number of female musicians was at five percent of the total population And many people regarded this as highly problematic because there were a number of very talented and accomplished women who were not able to get positions playing for orchestras and so as a way to potentially mitigate this problem An experiment was performed called blind auditions And the idea of a blind audition Is that rather than having the musician play in front of the group of people evaluating They would be playing simply behind a screen So they could not be seen while they were playing their instrument. No other changes whatsoever were made The number of women musicians and orchestras is now at 40 percent In five years from five percent to 40 percent a 35 percent increase Now I think if you asked Anyone who is a member of a professional orchestra who had evaluated musicians to join their orchestra at any time not a single one of them would have said I am a sexist Not a single one of them would have said women cannot perform well in orchestras Not a single one of them would have said Men are just better at being professional musicians than women are And yet our behavior demonstrates A great deal of hidden bias that is simply innate Due to our socialization and it takes active work To combat those hidden biases that we carry with us so Why is bias so hard? Well bias is hard because we cling to our biases We like our biases in some cases I have a bias in favor of open source software That's why I'm here today. I think open source software is better And it's a part of who I am if someone asks me what do you do for living? I would say I'm an open source software developer advocate. That's what I do It's a part of how I think of myself as a person And the most insidious thing about our biases is that we're uncomfortable that we have them in the first place As a woman who grew up in the united states I grew up in a highly racist culture And I would like to think that I am not racist Because racist people are bad Racist people are people who do not judge people according to their merits They judge them according to arbitrary criteria But at the same time I need to understand that I have these biases that they are in operation And that they do affect my behavior And that's a really uncomfortable thing to sit with To realize that though you may be well intentioned and though you may be working very very hard To be that good human being There are still things that are a part of your socialization That you don't like And that they will still affect your behavior And that's painful to understand But I would argue for you all that the discomfort is well worthwhile And that the key to this process And the way to start the journey is the development of empathy Because it is not possible To behave better towards other people and give them the things that they need Unless we understand what those needs are And we're not going to understand on the basis of our lived experience What people who have had drastically different Lived experiences are going to need or want So I'm going to propose to us five experiments That we can use to understand our own bias and check our own privilege And then use the results of those experiments To become better collaborators better communicators and to just generally level up as human beings While we are also helping to make folks who are marginalized and underrepresented in our communities feel more welcome And more safe being participants in our group dialogue So experiment number one change your speech This is a deceptively difficult experiment And the reason it is deceptively difficult is we come preloaded with any number of idiomatic phrases That we just don't think about it's just what you say And yet these phrases carry all sorts of deeper meaning That are that is is very difficult if you are not a member of that group Here is uh, you know, here's a great one This code is lame Well, that's actually an ableist slur Right it is it is neither kind nor gracious nor helpful To use lame as an adjective to describe something that is terrible And this is a very uncomfortable experiment for two reasons It's very uncomfortable because as you start performing this experiment you need to find synonyms For these turns of phrase that you've simply memorized and used without thinking And when you find yourself thinking oh, yes, I ought not to say that code is lame I ought to say that code is terrible And then to realize that your entire life you have effectively been saying That people with different physical abilities are terrible That's what you've said. It's it's it's been used as a synonym. These things mean the same thing And again sitting with that discomfort Of the realization that you have been acting in a way that you consider to be completely contrary to who you are as a human being Because of your system defaults It's it's painful. It is painful. There there is shame with it and to and to just sit with that shame and to realize that it is there And use that as a moment to realize that this is not something you want to do in the future And I would argue for you that the other reason that this is uncomfortable is how people will react to you Because the people that you spend your time with Are configured with these same defaults And they'll remember that you used to say Hi guys And now you say hi humans. How are you carbon-based life forms who understand the english language as I'm speaking it to you right now And they will react negatively they will react negatively because they're Again, their preconceived notions are also being challenged Change is hard change causes discomfort So I propose try this experiment for a while See how you go And remember that as members of a privileged group if you decide that this becomes excessively uncomfortable You can always opt out And return to your defaults And if you choose to opt out and return to your defaults then all I ask of you is the realization That people around you Who are members of these underrepresented groups don't ever get to opt out There will never be a day when this is not How language is used unless we are the ones making the choices about how we use that language There's no opting out for them Experiment number two listening to people who are not like you This is very hard for us as human beings It's hard for us because we tend to group with people who are like us Who are of our same socioeconomic status? Who are of our same race? Who have had the same uh background as we have had? And so that ability to gain empathy through other people's perspectives is very difficult Um, especially because you know the the easy answer would be Hello nice person. I see that you are not like me, but we both like stuff Perhaps you would like to be my friend that is not going to go over well, and I do not recommend that That is not a good experiment. Um a much more effective experiment Is to use social media for this purpose My favorite tool for this is twitter I follow any number of people who care about the same things that I do on twitter who are not like me Folks who are software developers who are people of color Alternative agriculture experts who are transgendered you name it And I have found out So much more about the things that I love And that I thought I deeply understood Simply through the lens of their lived experience and their perspective And that has been invaluable to me It has also helped me to increase my own empathy By understanding what their lived experience is like that is different than mine And seeing my privilege In that difference Experiment number three Changing your online persona This is very hard The action itself is quite easy I mean go change your profile picture and go And I'm bringing this to to everyone here Due to the work of a woman named Mickey Kendall She is a feminist writer in living in Chicago in the United States And Miss Kendall wakes up every morning and says that her Twitter feed is filled with racial slurs As she is an African American woman along with all sorts of other invective hate speech And things that really just ought not to be said And one day she said she had grown so tired of it She could no longer take it anymore So she changed her twitter avatar to be If I remember correctly the exact quote is a White hipster bearded guy So and she said the reactions to her Changed immediately She said no more racial slurs No more people telling her that ideas were stupid Her ideas weren't stupid people simply didn't agree with her No more nasty invective Nobody's saying terrible things to her because of the ideas that she expressed And she said she changed her profile picture back to show that she was an African American woman And immediately the hatred began again According to the results of Mickey's friends experiments who were not named Some white men who tried this experiment. They lasted two hours With their profile picture being that of a black woman And then they said they couldn't take it anymore and they needed to opt out of the experiment And they wanted to know how she made it through every day So I urge all of you to perform this experiment and just again just to see What the life is like and how different it is For people who again are not like you and to use that as an opportunity to build empathy and to make yourself into a better ally Being a good ally is challenging But I call upon myself and everyone in the audience who occupies a position of privilege In our technical community to be that ally without allies People who are members of underrepresented groups are not going to be able to succeed because we are the dominant group and that means that we hold power And people in power are those who are best poised to make positive change And this again is a very uncomfortable process because people are not used to people speaking up For other people. It's not something that's typically done There are any number of ways that you can do this but for me one of the most important ones is understanding the power dynamics in the room, especially during business meetings and discussions So women will very frequently be interrupted while they are speaking Often by someone who's making a very similar point There will be times where you will women will be in meetings and they will propose that we should implement process foo And everyone thinks about it for a moment and decides that process foo is a really bad idea And two minutes later when a white cisgendered male brings up the fact that process foo would be great suddenly everyone thinks it is the best idea in the history of time As someone who has who has experienced that myself a number of times even amongst folks who are I would like to think of them as enlightened and loving It's very frustrating and it's it's hard because those moments of inspiration that you have you learn to hide them Because people will will not take your idea seriously. So why would you share it? right and In cases like this what I've tried to do to recenter conversations would be something along the lines of Yes, bob. I really appreciate that you think that process foo is a good idea And you know as jane proposed it and initially it sounds so great that there are so many of us in the room Who think process foo is useful? How do we go ahead and move forward to implement process foo? And again being able to gently correct behavior in a spirit of love and mutual respect Is so vital because again, I think if we asked Just about anybody if they meant to hurt someone If their goal was to be malevolent I think most of us would answer no But again to err is human And experiment number five the hardest experiment of all humility Ask for help with this process And accept it humbly Um You know we will all make mistakes. We will all say the wrong thing I will say I will have those system defaults exit from my mouth and then I won't even think about them because I'm tired or I'm in a rush or Whatever. I am not at my best But I want to be at my best And this is this is very painful Um, I gave a talk similar to this at the orally open source convention in june of last year and Brought many of the messages to the audience that I'm bringing you here today And then right after the talk that very evening I was finally not gonna back a few brews with some friends because talks over And we were chatting about uh A book that we had all supposedly I thought read when we were young and I said Didn't you guys have that retard a book when you guys were going to college? And my friend was sitting there and she said I love you I Need you to realize that I'm Doing exactly what you asked me to do in your keynote. You just said retarded And I was so ashamed I was so ashamed I felt the heat go in my face. I felt myself flush I felt the first thing going through my brain the words. Oh come on. You know what I meant. It's not that big of a deal Wrong And I also had to deal with the shame of the fact that I'd been sitting and standing in front of an audience of thousands of people all day saying Would it be great if we were all just nice to each other and spoke to each other appropriately? And we're all going to make mistakes and and and I can't I'm having trouble dealing with my own mistake In a you know enclosed company hours later So my friends this this is the hardest experiment of all to ask for help from those around you To make sure that you are being the best person that you can be And accepting that help that hope help humbly And to use that to move forward in a more positive fashion so To conclude a few tips for leveling up ways to improve your communication with everyone This is not just folks who are members of underrepresented groups, but I would argue that these are useful tips for dealing with any human being Practice active listening Active listening is the process of listening to what someone says to you and then mirroring it back to them So for example I'm really happy today because it's sunny And if I were practicing active listening, I would say Leslie it's really great for me to hear that you're having a good day Because the weather is quite good And what that tells me is that you are much more of a sunny day person than a rainy overcast day person So I've not only listened to what was being said I've echoed it back to make sure that I have a solid understanding Of what this person has just said to me because human communication is fraught with peril And I've also added some context. I have engaged with the information that I was given right I didn't just say yes, it's sunny and you're happy I'm able to tell from what you have said because I've thought about it That sunny weather makes you happier than overcast weather Now the value of active listening is not just In the process of bettering our communication by making sure we understand one another the power of active listening to me is the Forcing oneself to be present in the moment Right not just waiting for our turn to talk And when we consider that one of the things that we have been most socialized to do Is to ignore voices of those who are not members of the dominant group Forcing yourself to practice active listening is a radical act which centers you in the moment of that conversation And allows you to get past all of those Neural wirings that tell you that you don't have to pay attention to what is being said to you right now That these words are not words of value because of who is speaking them to you Thank you Guys are you gonna make me tear up? Tip number two, um This is my favorite advice to everyone um Ask more questions make fewer assumptions And what I mean by this is basically what i'm saying. I no longer Embarrass myself by saying things like oh Hi, john. How's your girlfriend? You you're dating somebody now, right only to have john say my husband and I are doing quite well Thank you very much Or those moments when you hear that my husband and my boyfriend are doing quite well Thank you very much and then you just have to go. Oh, yeah. Mmm. My heteronormative paradigm is not a thing So again ask more questions fewer assumptions Don't assume that you already know The life story of whoever stands before you based on outward signifiers Don't assume that these things are Knowledge that you already have Ask more questions be delighted when you were already right And be delighted when you find out things that you didn't know before Because you have gained more knowledge Last but not least measure your actions If there's anything the quantified self-movement has taught us it is something that cannot be measured Cannot be changed cannot be acted upon So again, there are all of these negative behaviors that we've been socialized to perform And if we're not aware of how often they're happening We can't change them So what I do is I actively Try to understand how much time and space I'm taking up in a room and in meetings that I'm in So how often am I speaking? How long do I hold the floor? How often do I interrupt other people? And am I interrupting people who are You know, am I interrupting interrupting other women? Am I interrupting the younger people in the room because I've decided that I am older and wiser and no more Am I interrupting people in the room who are people of color? Because I've been socialized that their words have no value And just do this in your next meeting where you have a more diverse group Just just one piece of paper just make some hash marks You know against some of these and ask yourself how often this happens And I guarantee you that you will be appalled You will be appalled because you think that it happens But it can't happen that often and you will get to the end of a meeting and realize that the women in the room have been Interrupted 47 times Which is really hard when there's two women in a group of 12 people Very problematic So that's all the information that I have to share with you folks today We do have some time for questions And I would also invite members of the audience who would like to share their tips for leveling up or grocking their own privilege to comment as well This doesn't just have to be a question period And thank you all for coming. I really appreciate you being here Thank you very much Leslie by the way But one useful tool I found for uncovering my own biases, which I didn't think I had was the Harvard implicit Implicit attitude tests You got to have a university website and you can go there and find a test which will test what your Implicit cognitive biases are whether you associate females with technology or males with technology for example, or whether you think Um, you know, it does word association tests basically Uh, and it's really really useful to uncover your own biases because at the end of it I thought I really do have a bias that way and then you can work to get around it Very nice. Very nice. So this is the harbour business aptitude tests. Yeah. Uh, no, it's the uh, implicit Edition tests. That's the one search for implicit associations test. Okay. Excellent. Thank you I will go and do that soon Hello nice human whose name I don't know Hi, I'd like to bring in a question from, uh, the The maker space boff last night, which was discussed but we never had a solution to And And often quoted statistic is that, um Silicon valley is comprised predominantly of people with aspergers autism, etc Um, you mentioned in your speech that one of the things To overcome these problems is empathy now, um Okay empathy is a problem for people With these issues, how do we um, right also that's Social interaction is very often a problem for these people and we do end up with socially inappropriate behaviour Which is Part of the condition yet we have to deal with these people a lot because they're very much involved in The open source and in technical fields So, um, that's an excellent question. Thank you. So, uh, again speaking only for my own experience and what has been successful for me Uh, there are folks who are neuro atypical and for them, uh, empathy is definitely challenging And that is absolutely understood What I have found most useful is to Um, explain to them in a spirit of love and mutual respect that I would like to help them learn some rules Because there are a great deal of things that, uh, do not register as signals for someone who is neuro atypical so, uh, facial Features or tone of voice modulations like this simply does not register as a tone of distress or that there's a problem In which case at that point if I see something that is a misstep That's when I will say I know you did not mean to do this But you need to realize that, um, you know standing this close to someone when you speak to them makes them very uncomfortable People tend to like to have more personal space When they are speaking to you and they can feel like your behaviour is inappropriate or threatening So, you know the best, you know, here's your policy One, two, three steps to someone give yourself a three step Benchmark when you're having those kinds of dialogues Um, and there's any number of these kinds of, you know, little rules in the back pocket that you can whip out because what I have noted is that Frequently what I've heard is it is not that I have intended to cause distress or harm. It's that I don't know the rules Fair enough make those rules explicit. Um, if you find that you make the rules explicit and someone continues to behave Uh, contrary to those stated goals, then that's problematic. Um, and in cases where Uh, problematic behaviour has happened and someone has been apologetic and worked to correct it That doesn't change the experience of the person who was harmed by that behaviour at all They were still harmed and it is very important to address those concerns as well with equal weight and respect But in an attempt to to educate and to Uh, to educate and to support simultaneously Did you? So to summarize for the cameras, uh, denise was just sharing that for the dream with project They have a very explicit list of rules and social norms so that people can at their leisure read through and understand for example a certain topic of conversation Is not appropriate or it's not appropriate in a particular context and by making it explicit People are able to then go through and and understand that organism Information and assimilate it in a way that makes sense for them. Is that an accurate? excellent Other humans, there's a steward. Hello sturt. Hello. I have a microphone I'm very proud of you. It's an awesome thing. Yeah I was wondering if you had any tips for coping with the urge to rage quit due to the fact that long-lasting fundamental Change is painfully slow Oh, wow, I like denise's answer. Have a really good friend networks. Um So honestly, I would suggest uh time box your rage quit because sometimes you just need to go do that and and go and Cocoon and replenish your strength Emotional resiliency is a thing especially is it is if it is diminished through things like microaggressions or even just the frustration of watching the Very slow pace at which we are evolving in our understanding I try to kind of Blow things out a bit on the time scale horizon like you know Yeah, it's it's really It's really problematic what we're seeing but at the same time, you know Women got the vote in the united states like what a hundred ish years ago a little bit over that That's really not a long time in the grand scheme of things of the evolution of the human animal So maybe we're not doing as bad as we think we are. It's just really really slow um Good friend networks are important. Um, and it's really, you know It's okay to be angry I think one of the things that we have a really hard time with is we get angry and upset about these things And we feel like we shouldn't because anger is considered to be a very negative emotion And it's not one that mature people express, right? You you don't do that, right? We don't get angry No, get angry. It's okay to be angry. Just go get angry in a corner and you know while you're doing it potentially away from friends loved ones pets who might Not really like the angry tone of voice while you're screaming at the wall going why why why? And other than that, I don't know. I recommend uh I would say I recommend drinking but that's not particularly sensitive or useful Whatever gets you through the Try it. It's delicious. Very good. I kind of had a question. Um, but I want to Bust a bias right here. Um had this gentleman down the front who mentioned uh ASD and uh There is a huge yeah people You constantly hear this. I I have I'm on the spectrum myself I'm in a minority group because I'm a woman and there is no support for us and women don't Bounds and women don't get angry and they're generally just crazy. They're not on the spectrum um And I also teach kids and train kids within it And you know, there's always this assumption that they go. Oh, Amy We're going to give you six kids and guess what they're all going to want to code because Codings for asperges and ASD people because they can't communicate with anybody and they have no empathy and they can't read emotions And it's going to be great. They can sit in front of a machine Half of my kids don't want to code half of my kids want to draw pictures They want to create things The most important thing that we do is socialize We be human we communicate all of my children have empathy. I have empathy Everybody has empathy. It's just expressed slightly differently unfortunately because we have a bunch there has been some I think arrogant people who Not necessarily are on the spectrum. Some of them are just bloody arrogant But it seems to be this myth perpetrated that oh, that's okay because he's just a male on the spectrum You never hear or they're just a female in the spectrum or anything like that. It's generally just that and I think it's uh I know, yeah, I think that's that's a myth and a problem that harms Our industry and I think it also stops us from moving to the next stages of Diversity and evolution because we just keep putting people in boxes And as while we keep putting people in these boxes Then the ones that don't fit Will just fall to the side and eventually leave or whatever So sorry, I didn't really have a question, but that's okay. This is where we're sharing knowledge and experience I just kind of yeah, and that's and it's something that has been very deep within me for a long time. It's something that um Yeah, I You know and as I said the more and the more stories you hear from that I know from women in the industry And that and they've a lot of them just tend to fall out because it's yeah, but anyway I'll stop now. Thank you Other humans. Oh, there's clapping now. Yay Are we we are done? Okay, excellent So the nice news is that there is totally afternoon tea right now, which is quite lovely and my employer has bought ice cream So yay, let's go eat ice cream and keep talking We have a gift from the team here. Thank you. Whoo. I get presents