 Hi, I'm medical officer Frank Defrain, but people often call me Doc. The Weather Channel predicts heavy winds and snow for blood colts tonight, so I thought it'd be a good idea to throw together a quick little public service announcement on how to properly prepare for a blizzard. Oh Doc, you're not listening to that liar, liar climate denier again, are ya? He has never been right about anything. You mean the Weatherman? The guy who correctly predicted the last 17 years of clear sunny days? All the more reason it's not going to snow. Things in his colts don't change. Griff will never stop claiming pigs in a blanket is dependent on his tax returns. Simmons will never stop sneaking the metric system in a daily conversation, and you better bet Lopez will never make an eject to learn our culture. Do culture son las coreas de las putas. Well then I guess there's no changing your mind. Oh, of course not. It's one of my best qualities. Although, just because the storm isn't real, doesn't mean the panic isn't. Panic? When first hearing news of impending doom, gloom, and boom, your first instinct will be to stock up on the appropriate supplies. Thankfully there are only four items needed to ensure you survive any apocalyptic scenario. I'm talking of course about number one, milk, to keep your bones big and strong. Number two, bread, because it rhymes with red. Number three, gasoline, in case you need to start a signal fire. And last but certainly not least, a thermonuclear warhead with a hairpin trigger. For obvious reasons. Remember, everyone within the carpool range also has a search and rescue mission for those exact items. So you're gonna need to fight your way through the masses to get the job done. The best way to actually prepare for a blizzard is to winterize your home. You see a house is like the human body. Much like when you get cold you can develop hypothermia or a nasty case of the sniffles. When your home gets cold it can develop water damage or a nasty case of the roof collapsing. So be sure to flush out your pipes with liquid nitrogen to keep them squeaky clean. And move your heating unit to the roof to stop snow from sticking to it. Oh, and don't forget to install your space-grade insulation shutters over every door and window. You'll feel all warm and cozy when you can't get out. It's like a snuggie for your house. Doctor Doc, I took your advice and winterized our base. Very good, Caboose. Oh, no. I named it Mr. Snowzy. Once the storm has touched down and you're officially snowed in, or in our case, bunking with the neighbors, the biggest enemy is temporary insanity caused by being cooped up for days on end. That's right, cabin fever. Hey, dickhead, get out of the way. Oh, uh, sorry. Thankfully there's tons of ways to combat boredom. Take it from our resident boring person, Simmons. That's right, Doc. My go-to indoor activity is C and C, canyons and cock bites. My character class is a hussy. Hey, roll the C if I get naked. Uh, I am a H-fact-prepare technician. What is this game? Oh, it's really I and Chrisma. Well, we can't all be Dragonborn orc-barbarian wizards like my character. Some of us need to be common folk to flesh out the world. I'm a dentist? Simmons, what in the frozen ever hell are all these blues doing here? They needed a place to write out the Blizzard. Blizzard? More like you must have miserable forecast, because there's no way it's gonna snow today. It's literally snowing outside behind you. Oh, don't see nothing. It'll pass soon. It will be out of your hair. I've already shared around a memo urging people to be respectful of your space and not to touch anything. You have four seconds to get your pet out of my private quarters. Right away, you just keep an eye on everyone and make sure they don't show any signs of cabin fever. Keep my men up to date on their shots. These blues on the other hand, walking around with their unvaccinated bluish hands, touching everything, making everything purple, yuck. Wait a minute. Are the walls closing in? I thought I'd delay the trash compactor trap installation until after the storm. What storm, Sarge? What storm? There is no storm. There's never been any storm. You've been the storm the whole time. I'm blocked west. It is getting pretty hard to breathe through all these freeloaders stealing up my oxygen. Look at them walking around, breathing my air. Tucker, wash, church. Wait, church? Well, what's wrong? Are you okay, man? They can't be. No. What's with him? He looks like he's seen a ghost. I don't know, but it's your role. Oh, shit, right. How much gold do I need for another revive? Now what did we learn? No more touching things of red base. I told you, sir. The shutters are reinforced with titanium. They can withstand a nuclear bomb. We'll see about that. Lopez, take us in. I think we can ram it. Yes or no, Smotheria. Damn! Put it on the shopping list. How are we so out of milk? Sarge, wait. I know this is a bit of a tight squeeze, so I'll tell you what. Even though it's moderately unsafe, we can open one window. Ha! Like simply opening a window? Oh, I feel immediately better. See? There you go. You just needed a bit of fresh air. Oh, my God. God. Touch. Touch. Caboose, no. Oh, damn it. The Ohiba nuclear end-due base. Touch. Isn't that bad after all? Hey, Simmons, what do you say we roll for a cowardice check? Quick, everyone behind the blast. From the nuke, Mr. Melted, all the snow. I guess that concludes this lesson on Blizzard safety. Not quite sure what the moral is, but I guess now we can at least move back into Blue Base. You aren't going to talk about how to survive in a nuclear fallout? Oh, come on. A little radiation's harmless. Wait up, Coose. Make sure to wash your hands in that glowing lake before touching anything else. There's no telling what kind of nasty germs the Reds could have given you. Thanks for checking out that episode of RVB. You can find the playlist to watch more below or you can go to roostateef.com to check out the latest RT shows. Also, don't forget to like, subscribe, and hit that bell or leave a comment.