 The Kraft Foods Company presents Willard Waterman as the Great Gilda Sleeve. The Great Gilda Sleeve is brought to you by the Kraft Foods Company. Makers of the wonderful new Kraft Deluxe Slices, those perfect slices of extra mellow tasting pasteurized processed cheese. When you shop tomorrow, look in your grocer's dairy case for those neat square packages marked Kraft Deluxe Slices. As neat as they are, every package holds eight big slices of delicious processed cheese. Eight perfect slices that are cut, wrapped and sealed for you by Kraft. So remember to look for those handy packages and try all five grand kinds of Kraft Deluxe Slices. Well, let's see what's doing at the Great Gilda Sleeve's house this morning. Little Leroy is just knocking on his uncle's door and by the tone of his voice he's trying to get out of something. Come in. Thanks, Uncle. I don't have to be in the Summerfield Centennial, do I? Do you, I says my boy. They're auditioning all the school kids for the pageant. They want me to be a singin' Indian. A singin' Indian? Little Leroy, I think you'd make a fine Indian. Are you kidding? I don't have to sing, do I, Uncle, do I? No, Leroy, why not? I'd just be wasting their time in my time. No, you wouldn't, my boy. You don't think so? Right, you'd be wasting your time. King. Well, I think you should offer to be in it. You can't carry a tune, but you might carry a hatchet. Yeah. Now, Leroy, this Centennial is going to be quite a thing. There's an article here in the newspaper about the pageant. Pageant's pageant. Here, listen to this. The city is a gog over the approaching celebration. It was 100 years ago that Captain Otto K. Summer planted the barrel of his trusty squirrel gun in our soil and said, I dub thee summer feet. Oh, brother. My teacher says you're even going to have a guy out there dressed like Captain Summer singing. Yes, I'll have to have somebody impersonate him. That'll be the leading role. You say, let me read this again. His squirrel gun. Auditions are being held. Well, excuse me, Leroy, I have to go. Where are you going? Captain Otto K. Summer is going to the audition. In the land of the sky. What a character. Didn't do badly on the audition. Nice fellow, that pageant producer. I could tell I impressed him, too. He smiled when I hit that high note. Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me. He'll just leave you dynamite. Yes, he'll pick me for the title role. I think I'll stop in the barbershop and let Floyd meet Captain Otto K. Summer. Well, if it ain't the water commissioner. Hello, Floyd. Stop right up in the chair, commissioner. I don't need anything, Floyd. Just thought you'd like to know I'm singing in the Summerfield Centennial. You don't say. What you gonna sing, commissioner? Cool water? Cool water. Floyd, I can see you having the faintest idea what this pageant is all about. I just auditioned for Mr. Hoyland. He's the man who came out from Kansas City to stage the pageant. Yeah, he's quite a guy. What do you know about him? His eye on me for the title role, that's all. You, Floyd, did you go down and audition too? No, he came in for a shave, so I sung for him while he was in the chair. A singing barber. Yeah, a regular figure-o. That's me. Floyd, if you think you're set for the title role, you're mistaken. Well, yeah, I had him charmed, commissioner. His whiskers come off like wet wallpaper. Floyd, I'm going to sing the role of Captain Summer. Is that so? He even had me practice Captain Summer's song. In summer field, I take my stand to live and die on this dear land. He had me sing that too. Here comes the judge. Hello, Horace. In summer field, I take my stand to live and die in this dear land. You too? What do you mean me too, Gilles? I just auditioned for the part of Captain Otto K. Summer. The judge with that shiver in your voice, you don't sound like somebody who's only got cold winter. The commissioner thinks he's going to play the captain. You, Gilles, you're too big to play Captain Summer, but you might be his horse who let me ride you in piggyback. You're a very funny judge, but I'm going to be Captain Summer. I'm going to be Captain Summer. I know I'm going to get the role. The pageant's going to be outdoors, and my voice carries. You can say that again. It never stops. Oh, Balderdash. That's better than sounding like a bullfrog in a well. Who sounds like a bullfrog? The telephone. I'll answer it. I'll answer it. I paid the rent very well. You nosy old goat. Floyd's barbershops, you're nickel. Oh, hello, Marjorie. Yeah, he is. Commissions for you. For me? It's your niece. Marjorie? I don't know what she wants. Hello, my dear. Uncle Moore? You have anything wrong? No, but a Mr. Hoyland phone. Oh, yes. He's in charge of the Centennial Pageant. What did he want? Well, he wanted to contact you before you made any plans for this evening. He wants to come over and talk to you. He doesn't. It means I'm singing the title role. That's all. Oh, good for you, Rocky. Thank you, my dear. Goodbye. Bye. The fellas, I guess you heard that. I heard it, but I can't believe it. No, Floyd, there's plenty of parts in the pageant for everybody. And I'll see that you get one. I was certain I'd get that role. My voice carries so well. You don't feel badly, Judge. If you dye your hair and put a feather in it, you can be an Indian with Leroy. Well, I ain't going to be left out. What can I be, Commission? Floyd, you can put on one of your barber's sheets and be the judge's teepee. The Portland of Kansas City be coming out to see me. You know, I shouldn't I be the big cheese? Yes, Leroy, why shouldn't I? Okay, so it's a big cheese. Excuse me. Yes, Bertie? How many cups of cocoa do you think you'll need tonight? You better make a pot full, Bertie. Yes, sir. Cocoa, Uncle? Yes, my dear. Mr. Hoyland arrives, I'm going to serve cocoa and crumpets. Crumpets? Well, tell me, how? The sort of thing impresses artistic people. Right. The warm cocoa will keep me in good voice. No doubt he'll want to hit me sing. I shall hope you get your pot, Mr. Gilles' Leaves. Yes, thank you, Bertie. Yes, sir, you go throw the book at him, Mr. Gilles' Leaves. Cocoa, Crumpets, and Crunin. Yeah, I will bet. Yes, sir, that is sort of the leading pot for your Cocoa, Crumpets, and Crunin. Yeah, that's the idea. Mr. Gilles' Leaves will get the leading pot because he's throwing the book at him. Cocoa, Crumpets, and Crunin. Yeah, all right, Bertie. Mr. Gilles' Leaves, you know how you'll get the... Bertie's awfully happy for you, wonky. Yeah, Bertie's a jewel. Now, that must be the guy at the door. I'll let him in. Not in that hop-along casities, what shirt, Leroy? You better come upstairs with me, Leroy. Heck no, not anybody from Kansas City. Upstairs Leroy Scoot. Oh. Come right in. Thank you, thank you. It's a little chilly out. Yes. How about a cup of hot cocoa? Cocoa? You can enjoy cocoa and Crumpets while I crew. Thanks, Mr. Gilles' Leaves, but that isn't necessary. You know, Mr. Hoyt, I'll be happy, too. I know, but the reason I came over... Excuse me. Ready! Just be seated by the piano, Mr. Hoyt. The cocoa will be right in. Well, Leroy... You must be rather fatigued. After all, this thing's so many bad voices. As a matter of fact, I discovered one remarkably fine voice. Well, I've been singing for quite some time. Yes, Mr. Gilles' Leaves, this may come as a complete surprise to you. You're the country. I expected it. I see that now. Mr. Gilles' Leaves, the reason I'm here is... Excuse me. You ready? Yes. You just put the cocoa on the coffee table. Yes, sir. Then I'll go get the profit. Good evening, Mr. Hoyt. Good evening. Yes. Do you know, Burton? Oh, yes, indeed. She auditioned with members of the choir from her church. She did? Well, Burton, you didn't tell me you auditioned. No. You have a lot of talent in your home, Mr. Gilles' Leaves. Yes. You out. Yes, thank you. Bertie, I wonder if you'd mind singing that solo for me again. I'd be glad to if it's all right with Mr. Gilles' Leaves. Certainly. Yes, indeed. You go ahead. And then I'll sing. I'll play for you, Bertie. Thank you, sir. I wonder what's going on here. All right, Bertie. Go in the hole, just go. Bertie has a good voice, but she couldn't possibly play a Captain Otto K. Summer. Well, Mr. Gilles' Leaves, I just wanted to confirm what I felt all along. Oh? Bertie has a remarkably fine voice, and I'd like to arrange for her to study in Kansas City if she'd care to take advantage of it. Would you, Bertie? Oh, Mr. Wallen, I don't know what to say. I'm very excited. Wouldn't that cost a lot of money? Oh, don't worry about that. There's a foundation with money available to train talents such as yours. Oh, Mr. Gilles' Leaves. Ain't this wonderful? What do you think, Mr. Gilles' Leaves? You are, yes. You're wonderful. Congratulations, Bertie. Thank you, sir. Bertie's going to study voice in Kansas City. My land. I bet them profits is worth all this. Well, Mr. Gilles' Leaves, that's what I came here about. Yeah, I see. Even Mr. Hoylert, what about the role of Captain Otto K. Summers? Uh, that requires a good baritone. You bet. That's what I was telling Floyd and the judge. I mean, go right ahead. I interrupted you. You were speaking about a good baritone voice? Yes. I couldn't find one in Summerfield, so I'm singing Captain Summer myself. Oh! What a sneaky way to get the leading role. Greg Gilderslee will be back in just a moment. Here's some wonderful news for every one of you homemakers listening in. Now you can buy a neat package that holds eight of the most perfect slices of the most mellow-tasting, pasteurized, processed cheese you've ever eaten. They're called crafty-look slices, and they're different, really different from any other cheese in slices you've ever had because these slices are not cut from a loaf. That's right. These slices are formed by an amazing new craft invention, and they're made in a way that captures extra cheese goodness, a deep down mellow flavor in every perfect slice. Then immediately they're wrapped, eight big slices to the package, and sealed by craft. So every slice will stay perfect and protected all the way to your kitchen. This way you'll never find slivers or broken pieces in a package of crafty-look slices. You'll find only perfect slices, slices that are easy to separate. Open that package and just see if crafty-look slices don't come apart even easier than you'd peel a banana. You'll find crafty-look slices in your grocer's dairy case, so look for them when you shop tomorrow and take home several packages so you'll always have some on hand for delicious snacks and sandwiches you can fix in a jiffy. You'll never want ordinary sliced cheese again once you discover crafty-look slices. Get back to the great Gilda's sleeve. One good thing came out of the auditions for the Summerfield Centennial, the impresario discovered Bertie. Now it's generally accepted that she'll go to Kansas City to study voids. What the great Gilda's sleeve finds difficult to accept is that he's losing his housekeeper. Two, three days ago we had a housekeeper for life. Now we only have her for this evening. The heck with the house? I'm worried about the cooking. Leroy, you're always thinking about your stomach. I wonder what Bertie will have for our last dinner. Leftovers, I guess. She's been so busy packing all day. Yeah, Bertie's been pretty busy. But she's happy. That's the important thing. Gosh, remember the good old days when Bertie used to come out of the kitchen carrying a big stack of waffles and a platter of bacon and eggs? Yeah, wonderful. Mmm, those swale apple pies with the big hunks of cheese. Yeah, those big juicy pot roasts. Now all we got left is the pot. We'll miss her, my boy. Oh, you think she really wants to go? Well, Mr. Hoylan says it's a great opportunity for Bertie. And he wants her to start studying right away. And he's pretty persuasive. Why didn't he stay in Kansas City? The house will fall apart. Now Leroy Marjorie can take over. What good is she? She's going to have a baby. Well, you and Bronco and I will run the house. Oh, brother, it will fall apart. Honk. Hmm? Isn't that Bertie's train ticket up on the mantle? You know it is, Leroy. What if that ticket should disappear? Disappeared? What if that ticket should fall into the fireplace? Accidentally. Leroy, how can you think of such a thing? Besides, there's no fire in the fireplace. Well, I could light the fire and you could push the ticket off. Leroy, I'm amazed at you. I wouldn't consider that. Still, I could light the fire and Leroy could push it off. No. I guess we're trapped, honk. Yeah, I guess so, my boy. Let's be big about it. I'm trying. Good boy. You think I'll get down to Peabies and buy Bertie an ice going away gift? I think I'll go raid the ice box where there's still something in it. Oh, Mr. Gildersleeve, what can I do for you this morning? Well, Bertie's leaving tonight, Peabie. Yeah, it's all right here. Well, I'd like to get her a going away present. Very well. Something pretty nice, Peabie. How about this big vanity chest? It's the best in the house, Mr. Gildersleeve. Well, the best is none too good for Bertie. Just charge it. Very well. Don't tell any of your friends, Mr. Gildersleeve, but since it's for Bertie, I'll give it to you wholesale. Well, thank you, Peabie. The way I see it, a person going to the city to seek a career needs every advantage. Yeah? You know, it brings to mind a young fellow who used to work for me. He went to Los Angeles to get on the radio. He did? He thought he had a voice like Nelson Eddy, but he didn't. He just had hair like him. Well, did he get on the radio, Peabie? No, he's a singing car hop. That doesn't sound like much of a career. Well, with that hair, he still might make it in television. Yo, why doesn't he give up and come back to work for you? Pride, Mr. Gildersleeve. When a person goes to the city and fails, it's hard to come back home. See? I hadn't thought of that. Of course I'm not saying that's going to happen to Bertie. Well, if it should, it'd be a terrible thing, Peabie. He'd break her heart? I wonder if I shouldn't have a talk with her about that. Well, I'd hate to see a fine woman like Bertie stranded in the city. Right, George, it's my duty to have a talk with her. A lot of good voices would never get any place. Look at me. Yes. You know that with my voice, I could have had a musical career? Well, I wouldn't say that. Peabie! I wonder why I didn't think of this before. It's my duty to point out to Bertie the Pitfalls. He's a rocky road to success. He's in that toilet. He's just thinking about a voice. I'm thinking about a human being. And this human being is a good cook. Bertie! I'll just put the vanity just behind this chair and he'll have a talk with her. I'd much rather give the tourists a stay-at-home present than a going-away present. Are you busy, Bertie? I packed lunch to eat on a train. Yeah. Bertie's going on a train to Kansas, Bertie. Well, before you packed the lunch, Bertie, have you given this trip a lot of thought? Yes, sir. Are you sure you're going to be happy? A lot of things can happen in that big city, Bertie. Yes, and Bertie's ready for him to happen. You are? I've got new suitcases, new shoes, new dress. Mr. Gil Sleeve, you're looking at the new Bertie. I know that, Bertie, but... Yes, sir, you're looking at the new Bertie. I've got my ticket and I'm ready to roll. Well, that sounds nice, Bertie, but about a singing career. Ain't I wonderful, Mr. Gil Sleeve? I've got to pinch myself to see if it's true. It's true. But, Bertie... Of course. If you don't think I ought to go. Oh, no, Bertie, it isn't that. Then what was you going to say? Well, you... Step into the living room, Bertie. I want to give you your stay at home. I mean, you're going away present. Thank you, my boy. We're ready to leave in a few minutes. Oh, Anki, wait till you see Bertie. She's stunning in that new dress. Yeah, I come. I hope I've seen her in Kansas City. Well, I'm sure you will, Bertie. Gosh, Bertie, you sure look keen. Thank you, Lee Roy. You'll write to Bertie, won't you? Oh, sure. Oh, we'll all write, Bertie. And after the baby comes, I'll send you pictures. Yes, ma'am. I sure won't see that, Bertie. You sure you're going to be all right, Miss Marjorie? Oh, I'll be fine, Bertie. Well, little Lee Roy, is he going to get enough to eat? You don't have to worry about that boy getting enough to eat. You just worry about yourself, Bertie. Yes, sir. Where's Mr. Bronco? I'd like to say goodbye to him. Well, he's working late, Bertie. He'll meet us at the train. Yes, ma'am. And... Well, it's still a little while before train time. Yeah. What do we do? You will just talk, Lee Roy. Why doesn't somebody say something? Bertie, are you sure you have everything? Yes, sir. How's the voice, Bertie? Oh, Mr. Gilseep, I've been so busy. I haven't had time to try it today. And I have to sing that song for him when I get to Kansas City. Would you like to run over it once, Bertie? You're a good idea. I would like to have you play it for me once more, Miss Marjorie. All right, Bertie. Go in the home still day. I'm just going. It's not... What's the matter, Miss Marjorie? Something wrong? Why'd you stop playing? What's the matter, my dear? I'm sorry, Bertie. I got a little dizzy. I guess I'd better go upstairs and lie down. Poor little girl. I'll help you upstairs, Miss Marjorie. Yeah, I'll take care of her. No, I'll help her. You and Bertie'd better go. Oh, yes, Anki, you're having much time. Well... Goodbye, Bertie. Goodbye, Miss Marjorie. Mr. Gilseep? Yes, Bertie? I ain't going. No, Bertie, Marjorie will be all right. She'd be very unhappy if she thought you stayed because of her. You go and sing. I couldn't sing a lick. You all right? I got lancitis. Oh, come now, Bertie. Yes, I got lancitis. I couldn't sing a lick. I'm staying in on Miss Gilseep. Well, you know we'd love to have you, but... And I'd love to stay. Excuse me, Miss Gilseep. I gotta eat some water from my lancitis. You all right, Bertie? Yeah, I wonder if Bertie's doing the right thing. Thing that'll make her happy. Stay in the hole, stay in the hole. You'll enjoy this. She's singing like a bird. Oh, well, she's happy. Oh, what a fine woman. Kraft American with Scarlett Pimentos added. Nutsweet Kraft Swiss. Kraft Brick with that deep down rich taste. And Sharp Old English brand. Get several so everyone can enjoy his favorite for quick snacks and easy sandwiches. You'll find them in your Grocer's Dairy Case. The five delicious varieties of Kraft Deluxe Slices. Hello, Mr. Gellishly. What can I do for you this morning? Yeah, good news, Pete. Oh? Bertie didn't go to Kansas City after all. He couldn't leave the little family. My, my. I presume you'll want to return the vanity case. Oh, no. No, I said I'd rather give it to her as a staying-at-home present. And I did. I'm no cheapskate, Pete. Yeah, I'm glad you did. You are? You see, I sold that to you wholesale because it was a going-away present. Yes, but... Now that it's staying in town, I'll have to try to get her a pie. I'll get to put it on your bill. Oh, well. What the heck? We still have Bertie. Bullet Waterman. The show is written by Paul West, John Elliott, and Andy White with music by Robert Amberster. Included in the cast are Walter Tetley, Mary Lee Robb, Lillian Randolph, Ted Funnels, Arthur Q. Bryan, Dick Ross, and Dick Legrand. This is John Easton saying goodnight for the Kraft Foods Company, makers of the famous line of Kraft quality food. Be sure to listen in next Wednesday and every Wednesday for the further adventures of the Great Gilded Sleeve. Hey, listen to me again, folks. Before we say goodnight, I'd like to remind all of you how important it is that we attend and support the church of our choice. Especially right now, when certain forces around the world are trying to destroy the rights of mankind to his faith in God. Our churches are a vital part of our way of life. So go to church this week. And take the little family. Good night, everybody. Here comes that Groucho Marks on NBC.