 Lux presents Hollywood. Leverbrothers Company, the makers of Lux Toilet soap, bring you the Lux Radio Theatre, starring Rosalind Russell and Robert Cummings in What A Woman. Ladies and gentlemen, your producer, Mr. William Keely. Greetings from Hollywood, ladies and gentlemen. Tonight, we bring you a play of love, laughter, and a light heart, designed to make you forget the problems of the day and add to the world all too rare stock of good humor. It's Columbia Pictures' sparkling comedy What A Woman, and the title naturally refers to Miss Rosalind Russell, who starred in the film and repeats her polished performance here tonight. Co-starred with Rosalind is Robert Cummings, one of our long-time favorites. And it's quite fitting that Lux Toilet soap should bring you this play, because as most of you know, the big new bass size Lux soap will give almost any woman that, well, that What A Woman look. And here's the curtain rising for the play, starring Rosalind Russell as Carol Ainsley and Robert Cummings as Henry Pepper, with life Erickson as Michael. From coast to coast, a sensational new novel is sweeping America. Its title, The Whirlwind, stares from every bookshelf. And the name of Anthony Street, its author, is on every tongue. Right now in an office of the Knickerbocker magazine... Well, Henry, you can forget the article on Anthony Street. Forget it? What do you mean? Because there is no Anthony Street. It's a pen name. I just talked to Lindsay, the publisher. The author of The Whirlwind doesn't want himself known. He writes the best-selling novel in ten years and doesn't want himself known. What's the matter with him? I don't know. But the next best thing to Anthony Street is the person who did more than anyone else to put that book over. Carol Ainsley. You mean the agent? She's Anthony Street's agent? Street hasn't any agent. Carol Ainsley grabbed the first copy of The Whirlwind, saw it was going to be a best-seller, hooked up with Lindsay, and did the best promotion job in the history of the publishing business. And all for a usual 10% so what? I'm... I'm sorry to bore you, Henry, but Carol Ainsley happens to be phenomenal. And our readers will want to know about it. Well, they want to know about Anthony Street. Ah, but they'll settle for Carol Ainsley. Did you hear what she made David Arthur pay for the motion picture rights? $400,000 for one novel. And right now, Carol Ainsley's in all the papers. This hunt to find an unknown male to play The Whirlwind in the movies. Oh, um... I just don't understand you, Henry. Say, isn't she some relative of Senator Ainsley? His daughter, important background, everything. What more do you want for an article? Nothing. I don't even want to read it. I'm afraid you will, because you're going to write it. Oh, not just a minute. I'm sorry, we haven't time to wait a minute. Carol Ainsley's going to be in our next issue. So grab your hat and get over to her office. Are you serious? Get over there! You're serious? Any time you want to begin. Thanks, Timmy. But come on in my office, everybody. I guess you all know where I've been, Atlanta, Memphis, Chicago, St. Louis, Boston. Carol, you found The Whirlwind? You kidding? My notes read like a coroner's report. Oh, great. Now, now, now, look everyone. When a certain motion picture producer named David Arthur bought the screen rights to The Whirlwind, I made it part of the contract that we'd supply the man to play the part. Fine. Great. Only now, Mr. Arthur's becoming a little unreasonable. He insists that we deliver him. Well, now, where do we stand? All right, Pat, you first. Well, I've got second-degree calluses from sitting on the benches of a hundred little theaters. Sorry, Carol, no prospect. You didn't find anything? Oh, a beautiful little engine, and a hundred-acre farm. I think I'll buy it when we tire for this crazy business. Well, if we don't find The Whirlwind, I'll do the cooking for you. Well, how did you make out, Clark? Four hundred winners of the intercollegiate dramatic contest. I photograph right profile, left profile. Well, nothing. Incredible. What about you, Mel? Eighteen pounds of reports. Adding up to what? No Whirlwind. Oh, well, chums, there's no use kidding ourselves. We're over a barrel. I can't believe that in all these United States, there isn't a man who can play the Whirlwind. I won't believe it. And what's more, I... Jimmy, come here a minute, will you? Yes, Miss Ainsley. Who's that? There in the corner, with his hat on. I don't know. I thought he came in with you. With me? Excuse me, I'll get your phone. Hello? Mr. You, with the hat on. Yeah? You're new here, aren't you? Yeah, as a matter of fact. It's Hollywood again, Miss Ainsley. Oh, what'll I say to him? You're never any good when you were hurt. Here, talk to him. David, David, David! Oh, darling, I know. But there isn't anything to worry about. Well, what's the good of finding someone early and then having him grow cold long before the picture starts? Well, I have two wonderful possibilities. One of them's bound to pan out. And I'll deliver him when and as I promised. Oh, David, don't you worry about it. Yes, I'll keep you posted on everything that happens. Just give my love to Sophie. That's right, darling. Goodbye. How'd I do? You've got to say reprieve. Well, we can't hold him off forever. It isn't just the whirlwind. This affects us with every one of our clients. Our prestige is at stake. Oh, well, well, you all know that. Now, thanks, everybody. That's all for now. Hey, you, with the hat. Are you bald? Haven't you better be going with the others? And just what is it you do in this firm? Oh, I don't work here. You don't work here? No, I'm a spy. See? Well, who are you spying on and what's for? On you for the Nick and Barker magazine. A reporter? And you've been sitting here listening to everybody. It's a very colorful business you run, Miss Ainsley. Thank you. And I'll suppose you leave. It's OK by me. Tomorrow's the opening of the trial season. I hear they're running 9 and 10. Just a minute, just a minute, Mr. Pepper, Henry Pepper. Do you ever take your hat off, Mr. Pepper? Only in recognition of exceptional achievement, Miss Ainsley. Well, just what is it that you wanted for your magazine? Well, the boss wants an article on you. Oh, oh, well, do sit down a minute. I didn't mean to be rude. I'll send for my biography from the publicity department. It covers everything from my childhood. Well, thanks all the same, Miss Ainsley, but I work in a kind of a funny way. So I gather. I work, well, you might say, from the inside. When I'm on assignment, my subject and I practically live together. That's cozy. Oh, yes, I promise you that in time I shall assume the more amiable characteristics of a faithful Cocker Spaniel. Trotting at your heels and grateful for an occasional word and wagging my tail when pet it. Well, that's all very interesting, Mr. Pepper. I assure you, but I happen to be a very busy woman. And a very smart woman, Miss Ainsley. You can see the value of an article in Nicarbaca. I figure maybe 0, 4, 5, and Stalman. Your coffee, Miss Ainsley. Oh, thanks, Timmy. Just set it down. Do I have your permission to drink this while it's hot? Oh, yes, yes, go right ahead. I'll catch up with my reading. Thank you. Hmm. See, there was a whirlwind by Anthony Street. That's his blurb on the jacket. Mr. Street is author, soldier, sailor, a man of the world with a sense of the world in conflict, a tidal wave of action, six feet four of magnificent manhood, ex-athlete, ex-footballer, ex-footballer. Here, here, let me see that. Hmm. Man of the world with a sense of the world in conflict. Six feet four. Right under our noses. Timmy, get me Lindsay. Tidal wave of action, six feet four of magnificent manhood. You mean to say you've never seen him? No, no, of course not. Anthony Street's his pen name. Everything was arranged to his publishers. And you keep that out of the Nicarbaca. Mr. Lindsay, Miss Ainsley. Oh, hello, Lindsay. How you doing? What's Anthony Street's real name and address? But Carol, I'm on a bone not to repeat it. I don't intend to reveal anything. I just want to have a little talk with him and see what he looks like. Who is he? And not too loud. I'm not alone. His name is Michael Cobb. He lives in Buxton, Pennsylvania. Thanks. Timmy, get me a train reservation right away for Buxton, Pennsylvania. And now, Mr. Pepper, if you'll excuse me. Going somewhere? Out to vote. There you are, Miss. 251 Bolton Avenue. But this can't be right. It says faculty house. That's right. A lot of the professors from Buxton College live there. Professor? You mean he's a... Here, thanks. College professor. Oh, brother. Professor Cobb? Yes, I had a message that you wanted to see me. You're Michael Cobb? Yes. I'm Carol Ainsley. Could I talk to you for a minute? Well, I suppose no one could object here in the library. Michael Cobb, well, well. The jacket was pleasantly accurate, wasn't it? Jacket? Miss Ainsley, I confess I have the slightest idea... The slightest what? Mr. Anthony Street. Look here, how did you know that? You are, aren't you? Miss Ainsley, that was a complete secret between me and my publishers. Now, I demand to know how you... I won't be shushed. I demand to know... I sold you a book for motion pictures. Your secret is absolutely safe with me. I... I... Well, why are you staring at me? Is this college coeducational? No, it is not. Oh, too bad. Please, what do you want to see me about? I've been commissioned to find a man to play the part of the whirlwind on the screen. Well, I wish you every success. Good day. Well, I've searched everywhere, seen everyone. I thought I'd failed, but now I know I haven't. Professor, there's only one man who can possibly do justice to the character of your wonderful book. I have complete confidence in you, Miss Ainsley, so you must... That man is you. Me? Portray the character of the whirlwind on the screen? That's right. That's ridiculous. Please, listen to me. This is of the utmost importance. Important to the millions who've read your book. Important to all... Miss Ainsley, I wrote that book on an impulse sort of a culmination of my boyhood dreams of romance and adventure. Now it's entirely without literary merit. Professor Cobb, regardless of what you think of it, think of what it means to your readers. Little people, millions of them, living out their humdrums, sordid lives to whom the excitement and romance of this book means escape and happiness and do you happen to know how many people are going to see this book on the screen? I haven't the faintest idea. Eighty million. Eighty million? Oh, nevertheless, Miss Ainsley, it's just... Well, you can't say that a book like this is unimportant and you can't say it's unimportant who portrays the whirlwind on the screen. The minute I saw you, I knew you were the right man for... Miss Ainsley, I am a scholar. My doctor's thesis was on a certain phase of Elizabethan literature and I'm prouder of those three copies than I am of a million whirlwinds. Now it's utterly impossible. You're afraid the college won't approve, huh? That's only one consideration. No, it's all out of the question. Goodbye, Miss Ainsley. It's a pity. What is? To have found the right man and to have lost him. Goodbye for this. Miss Ainsley? Pepper, what's the big idea following me here? There's a train back to New York at 5.30. Answer my question. I thought I explained it's part of my job to follow you. That's how I learned things. Why don't you try it with your hat off? Now you look here, Mr. Pepper. I won't be able to give you a minute while I'm in Buxton. My business here is extremely confidential. Yes, I know you're here to see Anthony Street. Mr. Street's identity is a secret. Look, Miss Ainsley, I'm not a cub reporter chasing headlines. And my assignment is not Anthony Street, it's you. Now do we catch the 5.30 for New York? Sorry, but I've just made an appointment to see the dean of Buxton College at exactly 5.30. Goodbye, Mr. Pepper. Professor Cobb is here now. Professor Cobb? What did I want to see him for? I don't know, sir, but wasn't it something to do with that Miss Ainsley? Who's Miss Ainsley? Oh, oh, yes, of course. Miss Gilbert, do you realize what that woman told me? Hollywood wants you, she said. Hollywood. Hollywood? Oh, no. As technical advisor on the filming of one of the most famous books of our time. Famous books indeed on mitigated trash. Oh, no, Dean Schaefer. Just because I'm an authority on the American Revolution, she had the effrontery to... to... And that's not all, Miss Gilbert. And what she said I have reason to believe the book in question was written on the campus of Buxton College. Dean Schaefer? No. Miss Gilbert, send in Professor Cobb. Professor Cobb, have you heard of a book called The Whirlwind? The Whirlwind? Oh, yes, I believe I have. Have I read it? Oh, I thumbed through it. A romantic work, sir. Oh, but very fine for what it is. At least the public seems to think so. I've heard that it's unadulterated trash. Oh, I wouldn't say that. But what's more, I have a strong suspicion it was written by a member of this faculty. Well... Under the pen name of Anthony Street. So long as the author's identity is hidden... Hidden enough. It's a very real concern to me that a piece of tripe like The Whirlwind should originate at Buxton. I don't think tripe is exactly a fair word, sir. Too many people have found this book important. Oh, they have. Little people, sir. Thousands of them. Living out their humdrums, sordid lives to whom the adventure and excitement of this book are a relief and a boon. And this same book will be filmed. Do you know how many people are waiting to see it? 80 million. 80 million little people seeking escape and happiness. I thought so. Anthony Street? You? Yes, sir. Anthony Street. Second site that makes you catch the same train to New York I'm taking? Second site at all. No other train. Let's get aboard. Miss Ainsley! Miss Ainsley! Professor Cobb! Miss Ainsley! Miss Ainsley, does your offer still hold? How about doing The Whirlwind? You've changed your mind. Well, some unexpected circumstances led me to reconsider and I thought if your offer held I'd pack my suitcase. Oh, never mind your suitcase. Get on the train. How about my things? Mr. Pepper will lend you whatever you need, won't you, Mr. Pepper? Who, me? Oh, that's very kind of you. Come on, come on, Pepper. Well, for heaven's sake. Yeah, you win. What's the matter? Mr. Pepper! I am looking at Mr. Pepper. He's got his hat off! There's a brief intermission before Act Two of What a Woman. Here's Mr. William Keely, our producer. Act Two of What a Woman, starring Rosalind Russell as Carol Ainsley and Robert Cummings as Henry Pepper. It's rather late at night now and in New York the entire Ainsley staff has hastily assembled in Carol's penthouse. The chief herself has just walked in the door with a tall, handsome, thoroughly bewildered Professor Collins. Hello, everybody. Meet Mr. Anthony Street, the whirlwind. How do you do? Well, I won't keep you long, but we've got to work fast. Four weeks isn't much time, but it's got to be enough. I'll make the introductions brief. Oh, Timmy, this is Ms. Tinnons, my secretary, Mr. Street. How do you do? Timmy, why are David Arthur and Hollywood right away? Tell him we've definitely found the right man for the whirlwind. To be delivered, I'm the agreed date. Now, don't tell him anything else. Oh, Ed, this is Mr. Clark, our photographer. How do you do? Hey, what a guy. Ed, we're going to need publicity photos and files. Now, everything concerning Mr. Street is to be handled right here under my personal supervision. Is that clear? Oh, who's there? This is Ms. Fanwick, our instructor in the gymnastics. Ms. Fanwick, Mr. Street. How do you do? Well, well, Mr. Street. Oh, Rosie, he's got to learn to read lines right away. I wanted to make a screen test in ten days. Where's Pat? Oh, there you are. Pat O'Shea, this is one of our key men, Mr. Street. How do you do? You don't know how glad I am to know you. Pat, get Tony Williams to measure him for a suit. Will you make it brown? Double breasted English straight? I would suggest a buck. Where's Richie? Oh, Richie? Yeah. Oh, you've got to get him in condition. Two hours a day in that gym. Yes, ma'am. We'll show him, Mr. Street. Well, I guess that's about all for now. You better all go home and get a good night's rest. It may be the last time for some time. And thanks very much for coming. Good night. Now, on behalf of the entire staff, I bow from the hips. Oh, well, Professor, we're under way. Yes, sir. I guess I'd better get along to a hotel. Hotel? Or you're staying here? Here. But we've got work to do. It's most important that you stay near me. Oh, yes, but, well, I mean... There's a guest suite for my clients here. I think you'll find it both isolated and comfortable. Oh, Minna. Yes, Miss Ainsley. Are Mr. Street's rooms ready? Oh, yes, Miss. Miss Ainsley, I had no idea of staying here. Oh, look here. This isn't Buxton, you know. Run along now and don't worry. Oh, it better show him the way, Minna. Well... Well, good night, Miss Ainsley. Deeply impressed. Pepper, I wondered where you were. As your staff let me in just now as they were leaving. I'll have to speak to them about it in the morning. How'd you do it, Miss Ainsley? How'd you get the professor out of Buxton? Well, I'm afraid that will have to remain a state secret. Shall we just put it down to Charm? Charm, huh? The velvet touch. On top and underneath the brass knuckles, of course. I never show my knuckles. And you'd better run along, too, Mr. Pepper. I'll have a tough day ahead. I'm working against a deadline, you know. Yes, so am I. And until you give me 15 minutes, I can't even start. If I do give you 15 minutes, do I stand the reasonable chance of not finding you under foot every time I turn around? Yeah, a reasonable chance, yes. All right, now. Well, what do you want to know? Well, let's start at the beginning. How about your childhood? Oh, I had a divine childhood. Perfectly glorious. Oh, I'm sorry it was a bad thing. See here, Pepper. You asked a question and I answered it. I thought that was the usual way of conducting an interview. Miss Ainsley, your mother was Cora Ainsley, a great actress, wasn't she? And your father is Senator Ainsley? Oh, I get it, Doctor. Poor little rich girl left alone day after day in her own private swimming pool. No, thank you. I'm not having any. Okay. What sort of childhood did you have? It was very stimulating, really, having both one's parents so successful. All their friends were brilliant, talented, writers, musicians. Exactly. You know what I think, Miss Ainsley? No, what do you think, Mr. Bones? I think that ever since you were a child you had to prove something. Carol Ainsley had to be somebody. It was expected of her. Very interesting, Doctor. When do you throw on the colored slides? You could have been an actress or you could have taken up painting or writing, but you wanted to be a success in a hurry. So you took other people, developed their abilities, sold them high, and made their second-rate talents pass for pure genius. That's it, exactly. And what's so wrong with that? It's only one thing. That in all your hurry you overlooked doing a job on yourself. Oh, I don't exist. Is that it? About 10% of you do. Really? Given a chance the other 90% might be, uh, terrific. Good night, potato. Good morning, Carol. Well, where are those photographs of Anthony Street? I'll hear the proofs, Carol. Say, was that guy's mother frightened by a camera? I see what you mean. Oh, well, he just lacks confidence. Try him in a bathing suit or better yet, Hawaiian trunks and put some palm trees in the background. How was he in dramatic truth? You really want the truth? Oh, as bad as that, huh? Well, it's only the first day. We'll get the screen test there in 10 days. Couldn't you give us more time, Carol? Oh, honestly, we need it, Carol. We promised David Arthur that we'd have that screen test out to him on the 27th. That means we've got to make it by the 25th, so we'll have a chance to see it first here in the projection room. Oh, incidentally, if Mr. Henry Pepper should show his face around here... Yeah? Oh, never mind. Just keep him away from Anthony Street. Hiya, Professor. How's it going? Hello, Mr. Pepper. Oh, like that, huh? Well, where is everybody? What's going on there? Oh, that's Miss Ainsley's projection room back there. Well, they're looking at the screen test, huh? Yeah, screen test. Mr. Pepper, I am not a film actor. Does it matter? Here, have some Miss Ainsley Superior brandy. Brandy? I'll think it better. All right. Thanks. Sounds like they're about to leave. I hope so. I couldn't stand it. Nobody said a word, but I could tell what they were thinking. Well, Michael, awful ordeal. Wasn't it seeing yourself on the screen for the first time? Gastly. Don't worry. You'll be amazed at the improvement in your next test. Next test? Yes, of course. Mr. Pepper, did I have an appointment with you? You told me to come around any evening I was ready. I told you the telephone first, and I am not... Miss Ainsley, as for making another test... Please, Michael, now is not the time. Oh, I could leave, you know. No, please stay, Mr. Pepper. Miss Ainsley, I am not an actor, and I never can be. Oh, not an actor, not an actor. What are actors? Simply people. And what's acting? Simply being people. That sounded all right in Buxton, but after this humiliating experience, another screen test is out of the question. What? If it's a train back to Buxton tonight, I am going to take it. You astound me if it were any man. Just an ordinary man, I might understand. But a person with your imagination, your intelligence. After all, what would you ask to do? To pretend. Simply to pretend. Pretend. Pretend to be in love. I've made a complete idiot of myself. You think it's so difficult to pretend you're in love? Come here. All right. You're standing before the woman you love. You have your arms around her. No, no, no, no. Around her. All the way around her. There. Now, what's so difficult about that? You hold her. Really hold her. Closer. Tighter. That. And your face is close to her. Now, it's like this. Her face is very close to yours, too. Now, what would your next impulse be? I... What is the next thing to pretend? A woman as close as this. Her face is near to you as mine. You pretend to want to kiss her. And you do. That's all there is to it. Miss Angel, I... I... I guess he found a little too warm in here. Where do you think he's going? On a beeline back to Buxton. What? Well, I don't imagine you're in the mood to work. No, no, I thought not. Well, if you'll excuse me, Miss Ainsley, I can find it a little too cold in here. You know what time it is, Henry? It's after midnight. Yeah. Poor Miss Ainsley. She must be going nuts by now. Say, how did you know where to find me? Well, when I left her apartment a couple of hours ago, I figured if I were you, I'd head for the nearest bar. And here you were. You know, what I regret most about all this is not what's happened to me, but all she's worked so hard. Well, that's her business. But she took such a personal interest in such a warm way. Oh, you felt that, huh? Oh, definitely. Very sympathetic. Yeah, well, drink out, Professor. You know, Henry, there's something challenging about failure. When a man has undertaken something right or wrong, there is an urge to see it through. Yeah. Say, I'll be right back, Professor. I just remembered I have to make a phone call. Wake me up. I'm out of my mind. Anthony Streets disappeared, so hang up if you don't mind. I've got a dozen people looking for him. May I make a prediction? I'm not interested in your predictions. Miss Ainsley, back on the job in the morning, bright and early. What do you mean? Do you know where he is? I'll look here, Pepper, if you've done anything. It's just a hunch, Miss Ainsley, just in a Turkish bath. You spent the night in a Turkish bath? Certainly did. Nothing like it to clear the head. Oh, I see everything in a different light this morning. It's no sin to fail, Miss Ainsley, but once you've undertaken anything, it is a sin to give up trying. Let's have another go at it, shall we? My dramatics, I mean, is miss Fenwick here? No, no, not yet, is there? Well, it's just as well. I'll have time for a workout first in the gym. Goodbye, Henry, and thanks a lot. Well, guy, isn't he? Mr. Pepper, I should like a word with you. How were you able to call me up at midnight and predict a thing like this? Oh, we got to talking, you know. Oh, and he began to think better of the job, eh? Yeah, he began to think better of you. What? You see, Miss Ainsley, when a handsome thing like you kisses a man like that, you can't expect not to change the whole course of his life. He doesn't know it, Miss Ainsley, but the professor's in love. Are you crazy? You know something? You play your cards right, and you've not only got a star on your hands, you've got him right in your lap. That's a great test I just saw at the boys' terrarium. Didn't I tell you? I simply don't understand. Just ten days, Carol, and he's become an actor. I wonder what hit him. What do you mean, what hit him? Nothing hit him. He's intelligent, sensitive. He merely caught on. We'll take the test out to the airport, Pat. By tomorrow night, we'll know what Hollywood thinks of it. Yes, you'll like it, Carol. Then what? On Wednesday, we release the publicity. The whole country will hear about him, complete the pictures, everything. And on Thursday, the whirlwind and I take the train to Hollywood. Do you want to go? I want to deliver this prize package personally. Oh, now look, Pat, on Wednesday night, I want a reception. Twenty-five of the newspaper and magazine editor. Have the invitation read simply to meet Mr. Anthony Street. Mr. Pepper's on the phone. Oh, tell him to go to... All right, let me have it. Well, how do you do, Mr. Pepper? Miss Ainsley, I have the first installment for you to look over. Couldn't possibly do it today. I'll have to look at it another time. You'll read it today, Miss Ainsley, the first installment goes to print just as I wrote it. Is that all right? No, no, it isn't. Oh, all right. Five o'clock here at my apartment. That man's an epidemic. This is just the first installment, Miss Ainsley. Well, do you like it? It's pretty good. Thanks for keeping a civil tongue in your typewriter. Well, now shall we go on from there? Well, we've polished off my childhood. What now? Business? Mm-mm. Heart interest. What? Miss Ainsley, and your life been remarkably free of men? Of course not. I've had lots of bows, thousands of them. But never the one, the right one. Well, you forced it out of me. There was one, only one. Jeffrey. I was about 20, skiing that spring in Austria. He was an English boy there on his Easter holiday. It was love at first sight, you know, preordained. I sailed home to tell my parents about it. We were going to be married. And then it happened that summer. He didn't live. He drowned. So, is he after that? Soft music now. What? I don't believe a word of it. Why not? That was a very moving story. Yeah, it was. Almost good enough to pass with the real thing. Oh, you're uncomfortably smart and a smuggest man. All last night I didn't sleep laughing about your theories. For instance, Michael Cobb. Oh, how is the professor? Perfectly fine. And minding his own business in a highly normal manner. If you'd seen the screen test this afternoon, you'd realize the job was practically done. And now what have you got to say about that? Well, I'd say it's about time he began to feel very, uh, grateful. Grateful? Excuse me, Miss Ainsley. Oh, yes, Minna. He's just arrived by special messenger, Mark Rush. They're wrapped like gifts. Oh, thank you, Minna. What is it, your birthday? No, it's not my birthday. Well, what do you know? A basket of food. Candid fruit. Nobody could be that hungry. What idiot thought that up? Isn't there a card in it? Oh, oh, of course. Well, well, well, imagine. Someone you know. Yes, naturally. Well, this other box over here is obviously candy. Card. Oh, yes. From a client. All four packages from a client? Uh, yeah. A quartet. Four of them. They sing, you know, together. Very talented. Oh, hello. Hello, Henry. Oh, hello, Professor. Oh, hello, Michael. Michael, do you mind? Mr. Pepper and I'll be through in five minutes. Oh, you're angry. What, me? Oh, I should say not on the contrary. Really? Of course. My heart and hope did die. But then say you're pleased. I'm delighted. I'm out of my mind. Now, would you mind waiting in there? There's one more. One more what, Professor? Gift. Mike, did you send them? Oh, didn't Henry know? No, he didn't know. But he knows now. They're really lovely, Michael, but you shouldn't go spending money like this. Oh, I just got my royalty statement from the publisher. And if I don't start spending some of it, I'll clutter up the banks. Yes, though, but it's a lot of money, you know. And, Carol, I've been thinking about you. What? You worked too hard. No fun, no relaxation. Why, I never felt better in my life. That's what they all say. Just before they collapse, now go get dressed. What for? What didn't Henry tell you? Tell me what. Well, you and I, dinner, then the theater, and after that... What did Henry have to do with this? Why, he arranged for the theater tickets. And just when did all this take place? Yeah, just this morning, Miss Ainsley, just after Michael went shopping. Now off you go, Carol. We haven't all the time in the world, you know. But I can't do this to Mr. Pepper. He has certain material to get from me. He's working against the deadline. Oh, now, don't mind me. You young folks go right ahead. Thank you, Henry. Oh, yes. Thank you, Henry. Say no more, say no more. I'll use your typewriter and we'll have a quiet little chat when you get home. Oh, by the way, Mike, how is your singing voice? Singing voice? I don't sing, Henry. Sorry, I guess I got you mixed up with a quartet. Home at last, oh boy, was that an evening. Wow! Oh, Henry! Oh, thank you, Henry. Well, have a good time. Did we have a good time? Tell him, Carol. You tell him. Henry, the theater was just wonderful and then we really started, didn't we, Carol? That we did, that we did. Oh, and the night comes why I can't even remember all of them. I can. Oh, now, little Carol's tired. Well, now that settles it. Little Carol's going right to her beddy for our four, eight hours. I'm sorry, Henry, but no more work tonight. Oh, you're right, Mike. You two little butterflies are going to fold your little wings and go beddy-bye. Leave us not be coy. All right, my girl, to bed you go. But I can't go to bed without my milk. Milk? All my life, would you be a good boy now and go out and get it for me? Oh, you bear! And warm it! Warm it? Why, you bear! Milk? Warm milk? You? I hate it. Disney cramps. Say, how do you really feel? Like an occupied country. I could kill you. You could? I didn't have anything to do with it. Oh, no. Little twinkle-toes had the time of his life. Thanks to you. Well, it was the least that one pal could do for another. Well, that's what I wanted to talk to you about. This pal's business. Oh, it's perfectly harmless. Actually, I'm just an innocent bystander. Hmm, getting the kick of your life out of the whole thing. Yeah, so is he. That's what you really ought to be worrying about, you know. What? Well, a guy like that gets hit. A guy who's never been in love. Oh, it's murder. Well, and just what do you suggest? Well, I'd call a halt right now if I were you and straighten him out. Of course, it's risky. He, uh, he might clear out on you. He won't clear out. Leave that to me. Harold! Yes! Your warm milk! Oh! Now for station identification. This is CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System. In a few moments, we'll bring you the third act of What a Woman. We'll return you to William Keely. The curtain rises on the third act of What a Woman, starring Rosalind Russell as Carol Ainsley and Robert Cummings as Henry Pepper. Michael Cobb's screen test is an unqualified success, and the ex-professor from Buxton College, now known as Anthony Street, has been the center of attention tonight at a reception in Carol Ainsley's apartment. The party's about to break up when Carol greets an unexpected guest, her father. Farling, what a wonderful surprise. But why aren't you in Washington? Committee meeting in New York, my dear. Now what's going on here? Oh, just a party for Anthony Street. Street? So he's why I couldn't find the news in the papers tonight. Well, nice seeing you. So long. Dad, wait. Oh, no, phone me at the St. Regis when things quiet down. Incidentally, Friday's my birthday. I know, dear. Tell me, what do you want? I want you to come to Washington for a nice, calm weekend at home. Oh, but, darling, I'm leaving for Hollywood. Hollywood? Anthony Street. I've got to see that he gets properly launched. Can't you just crack a bottle over his head? I'm sorry, but this is the most important job I've ever undertaken. Now, when do you go back to Washington? Tonight. And if you change your mind... Well, Senator, Senator Ainsley. Henry Pepper, don't tell me you go to these jaw parties. Oh, well, you two know each other. Pepper, why? He wrote a first-rate article about me once. Your daughter's the victim this time, Senator. Oh, really? How long has this been going on? Too long. Days and days. But you collected everything about me in an hour. Well, I changed my methods with the subject. Well, goodbye, Carol. Phone me at the hotel. Goodbye, darling. I will. By the way, Mr. Pepper, I don't recall that you were on the list of those invited here tonight. Oh, I had to come. Your protege said this note. Hope you'll come. I've got to talk to you. Well, here, read it. Got to talk to you. About what? I don't know. Here he comes. I'll ask him. Henry? Oh, hello. Say, I've got to talk to you, Henry. Let's go in here. Will you excuse us, Carol? Now, just a little second here. Excuse us. Oh, great party, Carol. The professor was a sensation. Yes. And right in the middle of his being a sensation, Pepper drags him off in there. Seems to me he did the dragging. What do you suppose they've got to talk about? Forget it, forget it. Come on now, say goodbye to the people. Carol knew all the time how people felt about me, like, well, like the people here tonight and millions of others. Oh, I've become important to them, a part of their lives. You know, if it hadn't been for Carol... A very perceptive woman. Yes. She showed me how to make the most of my life, Henry. So, why shouldn't I? Huh? Well, I mean if a man has an honest emotion toward a woman, well, why should he conceal it? Sheer hypocrisy. I'm glad to hear you say that, Henry. Party's all over. Now, you mean they're all gone? Yeah, they're all gone. Well, good luck in Hollywood, Mike. If you ever get back to civilization, look me up. Oh, you're not leading, Mr. Pepper. No more questions to ask. No, I'll mail you the last installment. You can wire me any corrections. That is, should you find time. Oh, why shouldn't I find the time? Oh, you're going to be so busy, Miss Ainsley. I touch a lot on your... on your hand, eh, Professor? You said it, Henry. Mr. Pepper, won't you stay and have a little farewell drink? Oh, thanks. I never touch a stuff. Well, bye. Well, Michael, tomorrow you start the big adventure. We do, Carol. Uh, yes. You and I. Oh, yes, in a way, of course. In all ways. There'd be no adventure if it weren't for you. Oh, you mustn't underestimate yourself. I'd have gone on walking in my sleep in Buxton. You had the vision. Even then, I didn't care about being rich or famous. I was doing it for you. I wanted to make you proud. Oh, I am proud. Proud. A fit to burst. And it's really very sweet of you, Michael. But now I've got a little packing to do. Carol, I'm trying to tell you something. And I'm listening. Really, I am. It's just that I have so much to... Look at me. Carol, I want it always to be you and I. Just you and I. Michael, you're hurting my shoulder. Let me go. I can't. I can never let you go. Michael. There's a phone. A phone. Let Minna get it. Minna's in bed. I've got to answer it. Carol. Yes, this is Carol. Now you've got really, father. Carol, this is Pat. P-A-T Pat. A boss? Oh, you want me to come over to the hotel now? Of course, darling. Right away. I'll go with you, Carol. Oh, no, no, no, no. You know, father and daughter are sort of confidential. I can wait outside, can't I? I'm not here, Betty. I might be up the rest of the night. I'll see you in the morning, Michael. Well, this is father. Say, what's the matter with you anyway? Look, Pat, I'm at the office. The office at this hour? Something urgent has come up. I've got to go to Washington. But you're going to Hollywood tomorrow. You're going, Pat. You're going to take Michael to Hollywood. I-I am? There's no alternative. But don't get telegram there. Change it. I'll join you later on the coast. Okay, Carol. And Pat, get me a plane reservation for Washington. Call me back. I'll be here in the office. You'll be running for your life tonight. And if you did, this is exactly where you'd run to. What do you mean? Running for my life. My father wants to see me. It's very important. Won't he be surprised? I'll look, Mr. Pepper. I said good night to you once. Do we have to go another round? Hmm. Not a hair out of place. After that struggle, I thought I'd find you at least a little breathless and panting. So you knew just what was going to happen, huh? Hmm. I had a rough idea. I got to wondering how you'd react. Well, it seems there's no reaction at all. Will you please get out of here? Still so cool, so safe and snug behind that big business there. What did you expect me to do? Stay home and cope with that impassioned Saint Bernard? Oh, no, no. You were right. Don't ever put him straight. Don't tell him that you never actually felt anything in all your life. In fact, you don't even know if you could. I feel as much as you do or anyone else. It just so happens, I don't feel for Michael Cobb. Just a question of type, hmm? Maybe another man could strike a spark beneath that blank efficiency. You can't talk to me that way. Once and for all, you can't talk to me that way. I never will again. This is positively the last interview when I learn the last thing that I want to know. You keep away from me. What do you mean, the last thing? I mean the other 90%. Up to now, I've seen only 10% function. But I've looked for something more, and if I could ever find it, I have an idea I might be, uh, interesting. Let me go. This sort of thing can't happen to me twice in the same evening. After all, you look like a woman. Your skin glows. Your eyes shine. Here's a man very much taken with you standing very close by. I want your next impulse, Miss Anderson. You're getting these arms, isn't it? Like this. And then what? The next, uh, natural compelling thing is, uh, a kiss. That, uh, winds up the biography, Miss Anderson. Good night. Oh, yes, Pat. The ticket? Well, thank you. No, no. I'll be back from Washington on Monday. Behind my big fat business desk. What's the present of all? It's the fact that my daughter's here. You asked for a darling, but I thought you were going to Hollywood, Carol, with that whirlwind fellow. Well, as a matter of fact, I was. But what are my plans compared to Dad? Uh, somehow this worries me. Dinner is served, Senator. Oh, right on the dot. Well, shall we go in? My telephone call for you, Miss Carol. Long distance. She's not here. It may be important here. You all go right ahead. I'll only be a minute. I'm sure of one. Mr. Anthony Street has disappeared. The whirlwind blew. He never even got on the train. He dropped out of sight in the station. But how could he? Well, I told him you couldn't after the baggage, and when I got back, he was gone. But he can't just disappear? Hey. Too many people know what he looks like. Hello, Carol. Michael. Michael. Carol, I had to talk to you. I had to see you. Pat, he's here. I'll call you back. He's there in Washington, but he couldn't be here. Michael, how could you do a thing like this? Everyone in the country expected you to take the train for Hollywood. You're disappointing millions of people. You're, you're, are you listening? I haven't seen you since last night. Is that an answer? What would I be going to Hollywood for without you? Well, I, I said I'd be out there. I can't wait, Carol. I don't want any part of this career unless it includes you. Well, that's very sweet of you, but now isn't the time to talk about it. Why not? It's because father's waiting dinner, and the first thing you have to do is to go to California. Not without you, Carol. Michael, you're being positively childish. Worse, I'm walking on eggshells. I'm in love. No, but... I'm all wrong for you. Michael, can't you see that? Well, I can't even bake. You should marry a nice, sturdy homebody. A, a Buxton Buxton. A boxing Buxton. A, a girl from Buxton. Carol, you mean you don't care? Of course. I mean, I'm very fond of you. Oh, I knew it. Oh, but Michael, we must lose our heads. I, uh, I must have time to think. I'll give you until tomorrow noon then a quick, simple marriage and... But what was that? Well, they went off in my head. They wanted to see Anthony Street. Report him. Mr. Street's on a train going to Hollywood. Senator, we know he's here. Somebody recognize him at the station. Now listen, you tell those reporters who came down here for a last-minute conference and that you're leaving by plane tomorrow for the coast. With you? Yes, yes, anything. It's all right, Dad. Let them in, Mr. Street's in here, gentlemen. Carol, what are you doing? Uh, I'll leave you here with Mr. Street. Come along, guys. Well, Mr. Straight, why the change in plans? Well, it's, uh, nothing really. It's just that Miss Ainsley and I are, uh... Yes, Mr. Street? Well, we, uh... Well, I don't think she'd mind if I tell you. It's, uh, confidentially, gentlemen, Miss Ainsley and I are engaged. Well, now the date hasn't been set yet, but I hope in the very near future. Oh, this is wonderful, Miss Ainsley. Thank you for dropping by. Well, Dennis, waiting. I am now, Mike. Will you come along and meet Dad's friends? Oh, Dad. Have coffee in the living room, then. Oh, and bring the cake. You've got to cut it, Dad. It's your birthday. Well, if you turn off that radio, I'm stalling, Senator. Blow out the candle to make a wish. It's amazing how wishes come true. Dad, what did you say? Come on, now. Take a deep breath and just relax. A musical program to bring you an item of social importance from Washington, D.C. An announcement was made tonight at the home of Senator Ainsley of the forthcoming marriage of his daughter, Carol, to Anthony Street. What? Offer the whirlwind and form a professor at Buxton University. Did you hear what I heard? Michael, have you heard that? How have you any idea how this happened? And turn off that radio, please. Well, darling, I spoke to the press, of course, but on the strictest confidence. Strictest confidence? You don't mind, Carol. You don't mind? Come on, Carol, end the wedding. Tomorrow? Tomorrow? Right in this house. And don't you worry, Senator. I'll arrange for everything. Good evening, Carol, Senator. Pepper, what are you doing here? Me? I'm the best man. Of course, darling. You see, I phoned Henry before I left New York. I told you I'd arrange for everything. Yeah. Pepper, I want to talk to you. Me? Now, Pepper, alone. All right, Pepper, say it. You think I engineered this wedding in cold blood, don't you? That I took the easiest way to get Michael Cobb to Hollywood. I think it's very touching, this spontaneous romance. Well, I want you to know I had nothing to do with it. Barged in here, took the bit in his teeth and cornered a lot of newspaper people. Even then, I hadn't said yes. I said I'd think about it. Well, I had to say something. Oh, sure. With the whirlwind hanging in the balance, naturally. No, I know you predicted all this. That makes you very clever. But I won't have you thinking what you do, even though I'm aware of your opinion of me. I have no opinion. Oh? What does that make me, the perfect vacuum? I should have known better than to try to talk to you. Why did you? Because I do care what you think when it comes to something as important as this. And I thought perhaps after last night, you might try to be understanding and helpful. Well, I'd be glad to, Miss Ainsley. Quit calling me Miss Ainsley. You know, I see no problem here. My cast go to Hollywood. Too many people expected. If marriage is the way to get him there, then marriage it ought to be. You wait a minute. You'll be Mrs. Whirlwind, that is, for as long as it takes to get him settled. And then you'll be off to Reno and back to your job in New York while he stays put and earns you 10%. I see. And while I'm waiting for him to get settled... He won't even know the difference. He's never really been in love, you know. He doesn't really know what a 100% woman is like. He won't even... Hey, where are you going? Wait, I'm not finished. Listen, everybody. Listen, I've got an announcement to make. There isn't going to be a wedding. No wedding. Is that clear? I don't want a wedding. Nobody can make me have a wedding. Carol! I'm sorry, Michael. But a woman has to decide these things for herself, and I haven't decided that. Except it won't be you, Michael. You're the Whirlwind. You're a handsome young man. You have talent and a fine profile, but it won't be you. If I fail to set you straight because I hate to deluge you as the Whirlwind, I'm sorry. You can hate me for it. You can walk all over me. Anything but marry me, as where a woman draws the line. And I wish you all the luck in the world, no matter what you decide. You can go back to Buxton, or you can go to Hollywood, or you can just play. What a woman. I can't help it. Flying to It's Offer, tough to smite this Whirlwind business. I don't care anything about that. But everything else, you standing there, and all those terrible things I said to Michael. They had to be said. Oh, poor Michael. He'll never be the same. Oh, don't you believe it? You'll go back to Buxton as a celebrity, and people will come from miles around to sit at the feet of Professor Cobb. You'll go old and happy doing the job he was meant to do. You think so? Of course. The pepper's always right. Well, I'll admit you've called with turns on everything so far. Carol? Oh, I'm terribly sorry, Michael. Has it ever occurred to you, Carol, that the Whirlwind is vitally important to some 80 million people? Why, yes. And wouldn't you say that that matters far more than the personal feelings of any one individual? Yes, yes, I would. I would, too, Carol. I am not going to let my public down. I'll be leaving for Hollywood tomorrow. Good night, Carol. Good night, Henry. Back to Buxton. Oh, you certainly missed the boat on that one, Henry. Well, you know Whirlwind's unpredictable. Pepper, how about a deal? You're talented and intelligent. I think I might be able to do something for you. You'd have to sign a contract, however. Henry, you know something? Yes. I might be interested. On my own terms, of course. Oh, for instance? For instance, no screen test. No? No. No option. Really? No 10%. What? Strictly 50-50. That'll make up your mind. It's a long-term contract. And exclusive. Take it or leave it. I'll... I'll take it. This theater's best tradition. Our thanks to Rosalind Russell and Robert Cummings. And here they are for a curtain call. Well, it's grand to be back. And you know we are lucky to get Bob away from that new house of his. Bob building a new house is an experience you'll remember all your life. I have news for you. It may take all my life. When does your new picture get underway at Columbia Studio, Rosalind? In about two weeks, Bill. And Bob Cummings and I will be together in that too. Good. And I know your fans will be delighted to hear that you're going to make a comedy. What to call? My next husband. With a title like that. For one thing for certain, whatever happens, fans will always have an enthusiastic welcome for Rosalind and compliments for that beautiful complexion. Thank you, Bill. And I don't have to tell you that I depend on luck, soap or complexion care. And the new bath size is a special favorite of mine. Now, what about next week? Next Monday we'll have two of our favorite stars in one of the screen's current hits. Our headliners are Gene Tierney and Don Amici. You'll hear them in the 20th Century Fox success that wonderful urge. And we urge you to listen because it's wonderful. Gene Tierney, Don Amici, that's the date, Bill. And it shows why the Lux Radio Theatre has just won another of those honors that are always coming your way. This time it's the 1949 Radio Mirror Award. Yes, Bob, each year Radio Mirror takes a nationwide poll of listeners' preferences. And we're very proud and grateful that once again, the Lux Radio Theatre was voted the favorite dramatic program for the year. Congratulations, Bill. And good night. Good night, Bill. Good night and come again for the film. Shiva Brothers Company, the makers of Lux pilot soap. Join me in inviting you to be with us again next Monday evening when the Lux Radio Theatre presents Gene Tierney and Don Amici in That Wonderful Urge. This is William Keely saying good night to you from Hollywood. The character in tonight's cast was Life Erickson as Michael. Our play was adapted by S.H. Barnett and our music was directed by Louis Silvers. And this is your announcer, John Milton Kennedy, reminding you to join us again next Monday night to hear that wonderful urge starring Gene Tierney and Don Amici. Stay tuned for my friend Irma, which follows over these same stations. This is CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System.