 Your coca-cola bottler presents Claudia based on the famous play and novels by Rose Frankin Brought to you transcribed Monday through Friday by your friendly neighbor who bottles coca-cola Relax and while you're listening refresh yourself. Have a coke and now Claudia Think the world is made for fun and probably Claudia Here I am darling. What is it? Oh, am I nothing? Nothing and you are shouting like a Banshee. Just thought I'd say hello to you. Hello Now what do we do this afternoon? Well, I just put the baby to sleep. Why don't you know I'm not interested in sleeping good for you boy Well, what do you feel like doing? Well, I don't know. I'm tired of reading. I'd like to do something different There's not much different to do around the house. I'm not much Only I knew how to play chess. We could play chess each game takes hours. I'm told our chess is too quiet anyway I'm full of pep. Oh Say, why don't you call up somebody David? Whenever I have nothing to do. I call up somebody what for? Talk talking's a wonderful time passer away. You ought to know Why don't you call Roger at the office and talk business? He's probably busy. Now, you know, he'd love to talk I bet he doesn't expect to talk to me on the telephone for days Yep, I might call him at that find out what's going on. Stay where you are. I'll bring the telephone right to you I'm not a cripple. I can walk. You've got plenty of chance for walking from now on You better make the most of this service with a smile business while you can as of tonight I am handing in my resignation Thank you. You mean you were really going to stop waiting on me hand and foot And foot really and I don't want you to think that I've enjoyed it any more than you have now That's good. There's no reason why you should have all the fun out of my accident But don't talk too long though David mama said she call us in the station so I can pick her up It's around a time now. Gosh, it's almost two. I won't No operator. I want to call New York Mary Hill one seven two four eight, please Don't think the world is made for fun and frolic Oh, you're a lovely boy Hello hello. Yes, my number is Eastbrook two seven six ring three Operator operator, what's the noise on this phone? You're singing Hello Hello Oh Thank you operator Lines busy everybody's busy even the line you can try again later after mama calls No, there's a funny noise on that phone. Oh, it's probably the connection David It couldn't be I wasn't connected. You're connected with something weren't you the operator at least I know when a funny noise is because of a connection and when it isn't because of a connection how Just one of those things a man knows about Oh The kind of a rattly noise like a clip and a glass oh Oh, well, what's the difference great deal of difference. I don't like a telephone with a funny noise in it Like a clip and a glass Oh Oh Well, what's the difference great deal of difference I don't like a telephone with a funny noise in it Like a clip and a glass Exactly You think something's broken in it Probably You think maybe it's because I dropped it on its head this morning when I was dusting No doubt You you dropped the phone I just told you I did Well, you don't have to look at me like that. It's not a crime is it What are you smiling at like that? What are you thinking? You dropped the phone Then definitely something is broken inside But it works doesn't it you've got the operator so what's the difference it rattles like a clip and a glass I know you said that already I'm going to fix it You why not I Well, you're not supposed to fix telephones Who says telephone company they have special people do that experts But Yourself they have and you know it the special people you're talking about happen to be troops of young men mere boys with a Little training and half of my intelligence And if they can do it then so can David Norton Well David Norton hasn't any training and a little training goes a long long way So does intelligence a longer longer way But you wouldn't know Anyway, you're not going to do it mom is going to call any minute maybe in two minutes It'll only take me two minutes All I have to do is take it apart and find out what's broken and put it back together again simple Oh very And if anything happens to my telephone I'll never forgive you I love telephones Nothing's going to happen I see now the mouthpiece and screws just like this here we go David wouldn't you rather read a book No Well, why don't you try calling Roger again Nonsense nonsense nonsense and we'll do this David the first thing the men do when they come in to fix the phone I've watched them is they unconnected up You know that little box that's on the wall down down there between the table Now get me my tools Your tools Yeah, I need a screwdriver and a hammer and a pliers probably What if the phone rings It won't ring if I unconnected up as you put it But what if mama somebody's trying to call us and mama is Don't you trust your husband I trust the telephone company more Besides a little rattle like a clip in a glass doesn't bother me it doesn't bother me at all Not the least bit I like it That's because you got clips in your head All right, I'll go get the tools myself You are like Niagara once you start nobody can stop you At least stay put on the sofa I'll get the tools Now you'll have the whole business done in five minutes And then we'll see who's so smart Trust the telephone company more do you I'll show you what kind of a man you marry You have gone mad Absolutely completely mad And if you hadn't so nearly died two weeks ago I wouldn't be so patient with you either Something I want you to know that all this is against my better judgment When you want to get something done Get an expert I say And so do I Get an expert, a professional And so do I This is heavy Just wait until you see what I've done I can't wait Look David what are all those little pieces on the floor The receiver Give me those tools I'm going to disconnect up the phone I'm not going to look Nobody ask you to Haven't you found what's broken yet If I found what's broken yet I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing I'm not so sure this is like a disease Once you start taking something apart You go right on till it's too late Speak for yourself John You know you should have been a doctor Don't mind if I call you John do you No, no, no What's being a doctor got to do with this You just love taking things apart to find out what makes them tick Just like a surgeon Now the lid's off That is the stomach incision you've just made See what I mean You don't have to go any further with your analogy Now And these little wires There they are, there's three One, two, three, yep One wrapped around the screw A red one A white one Remember which is where David Cody, will you get out of my light I can't see a thing That's right, blame me because you don't know what you're doing Stop breathing down the back of my neck I am not anywhere near the back of your neck Screw driver, screw driver It's on your lap I'll come for a little while and then This wouldn't, you know The third and last Now, now we're disconnected You sure? Yep, sure Now we're isolated Out of touch with the world But only for five minutes now, stop worrying But mama's supposed to call You shall worry Now nonsense, mama's a big girl David, hurry, I hate being without a phone My little pioneer bride I don't see what's broken in the receiver You seem to be whole I didn't drop the receiver, dope, I dropped the other part The other part The part I don't know the name for The part with the dial thing on it Then why didn't you say so? It doesn't have anything to do with hearing and noise While you're talking Does it? David, don't take any more It's too late to stop now, I see Oh, the bottom unscrews it like this I feel like an orphan Very simple, very simple, one more screw The bottom fell out David, don't lose those screws One's rolled under the sofa, pick it up while I investigate You pick it up, I'm not the one who needs occupational therapy I'm not supposed to lean over Since when? Since my concussion Oh, now you remember When there's something you don't want to do Then you remember, you average man You Three little wires Just like the ones in the box Fascinating pieces of equipment Anything broken besides what you've done? Looks all right to me How can you tell? Instinct David, please get your instinct to start putting it together again What an old nag you are I know, I admit it, but put it together anyway All right, just to show you, I know how I will Fine Then you won't be nervous when I take it apart again Again? Of course, I'm just putting it back together again so mama can call Then I should take it apart to fix it If it still rattles Over my dead body It goes right around here Did you hear what I said? Yes, you said over your dead body Well, I'll put the receiver together in the meantime I think you can Of course I can Nope, the white wires Sound as if you knew what you were doing Messin' throat Maybe you shouldn't have been an architect at all Maybe you should have been a telephone man Maybe I'm both One more wire and I can close up the bottom Then the box on the wall I know, you don't have to tell me And I'm hurrying as fast as I can, too I ought to get you an electric train That's what I ought to get to Then you can play with it and leave my poor little defenseless telephone A lot Such a possessive little woman How you doing? I'm putting the wires back in the box on the wall And I'm on the last one I've been putting the mouthpiece back on This is a saint I'd be glad when everything is back together again You're such a little worrier I'm finished Just one moment What I'm waiting There, so am I Now give me the phone You'll see it's perfectly all right I'll apologize if it is You feel safe in making that statement Very, very Now I'll dial the operator and we'll see how this phone works Whether it works or not We're going, don't we? Very funny, very funny But it does work I'm not the kind of wife who hopes it won't work Just to prove a point No, you wouldn't do that Dial ahead, don't be nervous I hear a dial tone, I thought you'd be interested I am, a dial tone is half the ball Hello, operator No, I'm not making any call It works Thank you, operator, thank you very much I just wanted to hear your voice, operator That my love was the operator And she must think you're crazy What do you think I am? Crazy, I mean brilliant I really think you are, darling David, you know, ordinary people aren't supposed to know how a phone works That's very difficult So that proves, darling, that you are not just ordinary people Me neither You're wonderful, David Kiss me Come and get it My eyes are closed, tell me what it is The telephone When people come into your home whether they're expected or unexpected you like to be able to extend a pleasant welcome That's always easy if you have a good supply of Coca-Cola on ice When you say have a Coke it's as though you said, glad you came relax and share the pause that refreshes with us Mr. King, what do you think of my son-in-law monkeying around with the telephone? Well, for an architect he'll do badly Best of all, it's good to see David feeling better and a phone is a small price for that Very small indeed Still, I can't help wondering as to what he'll think of next to entertain himself Well, you're safe tomorrow, Mrs. Brown because tomorrow, David will have plenty to think about Really? And you'll have Jared Tucker to thank for that He brings David a gift and, well, see you tomorrow I will indeed, goodbye, Mr. King So long, Mrs. Brown I'm about to say, every day, Monday through Friday Claudia comes to you transcribed with the best wishes of your friendly neighbor who bottles Coca-Cola So listen again tomorrow at the same time And now this is Joe King saying or of war And remember, whoever you are whatever you do, wherever you may be When you think of refreshment think of Coca-Cola For Coca-Cola makes any pause the pause that refreshes and ice cold Coca-Cola is everywhere This broadcast of Claudia was supervised and directed by William Brown Maloney And now, here's a word from your friendly neighbor who bottles Coca-Cola