 I thought that we were the players for a second. I don't know. Just blacked out Welcome to episode number 33 of the Martin Magdal fully actual podcast and well what an episode we have for you we are going to discuss all things related to the particular thing that we did during the grand final weekend the AFL streaking incident it's time for our side of the story so this is this is blown up this is absolutely gone fucking huge so what we're going to do is we're going to explain the in chronological order our planning and what we wanted to do and then we're going to go through the event exactly what happened what the security said to us what the cops said to us and then the huge media backlash after and then we'll get into that and and I guess defend ourselves a little bit like obviously this is a stunt gone wrong but you know the reaction has been a bit over the top I've had death threats yeah it's been it's been a bit crazy but we understand why people are reacting the way they are because they only have half of the information they don't have all of the information so that's what we're going to do today it's been Marty's dream since he was a little girl I have I love AFL and I used to play AFL and I thought fuck it would be so cool to kick a goal at the AFL Grand Final the plan was to kick a goal during the final both of us dodge the security run onto the field kick a goal and get off the field before the game is even interrupted before now I know what you might be saying you might be saying how can you run onto the field and expect to not interrupt the game well I'll tell you how okay there's a lot of planning went into this we practice we just spent a whole day training this as soon as the ball was in one certain part of the field okay we was our tickets were at one end of the field okay we were about 40 meters from from a goal square so it was only we literally only had about 40 meters to run to get to the goal square we decided that we were going to wait until the ball was in the inside 50 all the way down the other end okay that's when we decided to go we didn't even want to get on TV we want it didn't want the ball anywhere fucking near us so we jumped onto the field we kicked the goal we got dragged off after we got dragged off that's when Michael told me dude the ball was right behind you and that's when we started freaking out that's when I was like fuck you were freaking out so it is a stunt gone wrong we never intentionally went out to stop the game and that's what it fucking looks like because you look at the snippets of the news it's just cuts to us and near the fucking goal square being tackled by security guards it shows the glory but anyway so we'll get into the planning of the day so it was a fucking it was a once we got the tickets my goal were we stressed yeah holy shit it was more stressful the days leading up to it I probably slept like maybe 10 hours in those three nights leading up to it just thinking trying to think of all the possible scenarios that could go wrong and and trying to gauge how people would react to this because we didn't know and we just we knew their reaction would be big but we didn't know and well now I guess we do know yeah like the media slams it but it's I reckon and most people and of course the mean we are yeah well you know that's the other thing that of course the media is going to slam us they're not going to be like seven news isn't going to be like oh two legend streakers ran onto the field they are feel grand final so of course they're going to make it sound as bad as they can we'll get into those articles soon let's talk about the beginning of the day to the actual event and this is all on our website by the way this is we turn it into a whole vlog and this podcast if you want to support us and help us pay this fine that we got coming and just support us in general University of Mark where you get your first 21 days free so you can watch the content if you like it you can stay is it 21 days now yeah we've upped it so you can pay the seven bucks a month or if you don't like it yeah you can fucking leave but anyway so we woke up we met here at about 10 and well fuck me we were nervous it was hard to be like talk it will very irritable we didn't want to be around people we just wanted to get it over and done with we were abusing our film or a bit yeah we poor old julien copped it we'll fucking just like oh man so and julien was even julien was nervous so we went we bought the shoes we bought a ball each and we went and practiced we practiced we found out exactly where we're sitting and we wanted to practice exactly how we're gonna run blah blah blah and then what we do after we kick the goal so anyway comes the game time and it turns out our seats were right on the edge of the row so it's like it's worked out fucking perfectly we're wearing a poncho and we're wearing a flanner over the shirts that we had made up saying marty and michael and we're right on the edge of the seat it's raining so we got a poncho on as well so it's like very easily disguised there's cops everywhere there's fucking security everywhere and in the warm-up to the game when they're doing all the acts the security are five meters on the right and five meters on the left so where we want to jump a clear way to run we're on our walkway and as soon as the match starts the security both on either side come to the center of where we wanted to jump so where we wanted to jump over the fence that was totally fucked up security guards sitting down on the other side looking either way looking for for streakers drunk so we were like fuck this is going to be very very difficult this is we're gonna have to be very quick here and a lot of people said why don't why don't you streak when there's when there's a break in the game why don't you streak during quarter time why don't you streak directly after a goal it's because and people who've gone to AFL games know this whenever there's a pause in the game all the security guards stand up and face the crowd okay because they know that that's when it's the best time to to to storm the field so they're standing up looking around so it's impossible for us to achieve our goal of kicking a goal when during a break because the security guards are literally facing us so if we try to jump in the fence boom we'd be tackled straight away okay so we waited we picked our time we we wanted to make sure we we didn't affect the game we'll try to the ball got all the way down the other end and then I was like all right fuck it I'm going I was going to jump first so I fucking jumped over and then instantly just pure adrenaline took over and I just fucking legged it I thought the guy was right behind me I didn't even turn around because I thought it would make me run slower I legged it to the goal square kicked the goal that's the first time I looked around Michael slotted it and then we both stopped we both now stupidly I didn't look up to see where the ball was because if I did I would have seen that the ball was being bombed back towards our end and then just as I was sort of looking up we both submitted we both just went down so the security guards could drag us off as quick as possible they piled on top and fuck me did they get roughed in they yeah well the one I think the original one that was running after you he got me it's not their fault not blaming them still 100 our fault but still it's just fucking unlucky that the in the space of 10 seconds the ball got from one inside 50 to completely to the other end and it's a calculated it's a calculated risk and it's and it's it's fucking backfired hasn't it we the game was stopped temporarily for five to ten seconds after a mark after a mark so the game would have been slowed down anyway but I did see that the player could have played on and the whistle was blown so yes we did affect the momentum of the game but we never fucking intended to that's not what we wanted to do we just wanted to kick a goal film it ourselves and make a video ourselves just make our own piece of content we were never guys yeah we were never after the amount of publicity that we got and then and then after the security guards got us off the fields it was just lots of commotion and then lots of police guys ran over and then the cops were quite nice yeah they were rad they were awesome the cops just took us over and like oh yeah what's this for and like oh you know we we make videos blah blah blah and like oh okay took us to the to the they're very nice very friendly smiling and joking along with us took us to the cop shop we were in there for 20 minutes while they processed us they gave us the court date we I don't think we're even banned from the Gabba they said that we have a three hour what we're not allowed to be around the Gabba for the next three hours a move on notice well you never know maybe on our court date they might tell us yeah so we still might get a ban from the Gabba but the but all we were charged with was pitch invasion so it's a very uh in the eyes of the law it's it's really you know people get charged $600 what does he get $550 and I realize after in hindsight that I should have turned around seeing how far away that guy was and then we both could have stood next to each other just kicked a goal fucking high-fived and then just stepped off the field but you're full of adrenaline I was expecting the guy to be right behind me the whole time and then you know before you know you the what's happened has happened anyway so we get taken to the police station um Michael tells me that the ball was fucking 10 meters away from me so I I immediately think fuck we've we've ruined our careers here this is it everyone's gonna we're gonna be the fucking most hated dudes in Australia I couldn't I just had to laugh because it was such it's so stressed it's my fault I ran closest out back into the field it's fucking it's me like you you just stopped as soon as you bloody scored the goal I turned around again because I saw that there was no one around us it's like no one around me for 100 meters and I'm on the standing in the Gabba the AFL Grand Final so of course I'm gonna well yeah I should have run off my mistake anyway the cops let us off they're like oh yeah no big deal guys see you later yeah it was a fuck up it was a fucked up stunt that went wrong and but we if it went the way we wanted it to go it would have been sweet the game wouldn't have been affected but then there is a whole other side of so many people they're like fucking well done oh yeah well this is the thing that yeah well now we can get into the media so we get home and all the articles and I get it too because the footage you look at the fucking footage it just looks like we've run out onto the field while the ball's coming down it looks like we've only gotten like 20 everyone's like good you only fucking lost 20 meters no we fucking we run around for like a hundred meters and but it looks like we ran out to try and get on TV and then got tackled and then that's it so of course I get why people are pissed off but that's not what fucking happened that's what the news is telling you happened that's not what happened and then the barrage of hate comes and understandably so you know because it looks like we've just fucking purposely tried to fuck with the game but um yeah and now no one's seen our video because we've got a reach restriction so it's sort of like everyone's just left thinking now that we've just run onto the field to fuck with the game so if you want to help us and you like us maybe share the vid on facebook yeah because yeah this reach restrictions really but then then people because you know we've had and so thankful to so many people who are fucking sticking up for us in the but we've had so much support as well it's been like the media saying oh they're slammed on social media the only time there's negative comments is on the stories that they're posting if you look at our inbox our videos it's what like 80 love 20% oh dude it's ridiculous yeah I'd say 90% love 10% hate we were following the comments on on a few of the news posts and it was more it was more love than hate really even on news we were at the start of it was more yeah like it's a lot of laughing we remember it's fucking yeah we get that it was a sensitive world we're living in everyone needs to fucking lighten up like we ruined the entire great afl grand for i don't think so we ruined the entire final that's what we we are inundated with mess like fucking are you serious you know we're getting lots of hate and and you know we've started going through a couple of these dms but like really listen to this is i'm not going to mention his name but this is literally the type of messages we get you call yourself comedians and you run on the footy ground you like a fucking dog you're both fucking pathetic individuals grow up and create some decent content you fucking losers also wash your hair you greasy manky cunt piece of piece of plebs you got your attention hope you're lapping it up blah blah it goes on and on just abuse a barrage of abuse then i reply explain what actually happened and this is his message by the end of it yeah see that's the humility that we don't get with some other pranksters appreciate the honesty and although i abused the fuck out of you boys i've now got a lot more respect for you than a lot of the other fuckwit pranksters out there so all you got to do is just look at our video listen to what we're saying take what the news is saying because it we we didn't do something wrong but then meet in the middle can't meet a middle ground i fucking hate you in hope you get locked up for life or even better get the chair so people are supposed to bring the chair back this one's good goose is the pair of you poofs and then some wasn't there a story from seven or fucking fox calling us pelicans anyway so yeah it's been it's been a bit crazy but um yeah fucking thank you to everyone who's stood by us and has at least listened to our side of the story um fucking hell we're still fucking the best dude yeah yeah well look we we did it we kicked a fucking gold the afl grand final he ticked on off the bloody buck at least that is a lot of planning it's not easy to do that was we were fucking shit breaking ourselves that was like that was probably one of the hardest things we've we've done yeah that was especially sober yeah both completely sober like a valium sober i say oh one tiny little very weak valium yeah it did nothing we just needed something to so that our legs didn't fucking give out because they were so jelly from the whole day of stressing we've had to decline some um some media stuff just because um yeah we're just gonna get roasted because no we did one radio interview and we just weren't prepared and they just fucking ripped into us and we're like because there's nothing we can't really justify it like we did we did fuck up okay so on the 7th of december we're going to court we don't know what the fine is going to be the maximum we've heard and read is five thousand dollars uh each um but yeah well i guess we'll see we'll go in there and um yeah and see what they say we've had we like we said we've had juzzy's done it his fine was five hundred and fifty dollars obviously uh much smaller okay it was just a local cricket game but still so yeah it's it's like the the afl didn't give a shit the law gave us a one charge pitch invasion uh everyone who saw our video well most people who saw our video thought it was okay it's just the the media has just blown it up into something that is just fucking massive they're good at that aren't they all right let's let's fucking dig into some of these questions eh first question from holzer hols um we probably already answered this already but what were the security guards telling you when you had they had you on the ground you fucking cunt you fucking cunt you fucking stay down don't you resist will you better get up will you better not resist you fucking cunt ah please stop please stop doing this with my wrist yeah my words you fucking deserve this you can't um a question for the podcast from now now knock ninnif ninnif um michael how long did it take you to forgive marty for cutting your hair hey hey fuck um probably like a week or once i got it fixed up as a hairdresser all right this is okay i couldn't fucking believe it posted the video the next day and then everyone's like oh you look so good fuck yeah the surprise on him uh question for the podcast from jacob borders i believe you send a question the other week uh do you guys believe in god uh no i believe in like a higher power yeah i believe in some form i guess what would you say like i don't know fuck it's hard to i don't believe in like i don't know i believe in there's there's something bigger i believe that i don't know what the fuck there is there question for the podcast from uh uh oh it's a funny one but it's like ja ja ja ja i can't pronounce it but um marty can you say i streak the grand final in german i don't even know how to say straight the words streak let me just get a um a translator as he calls them is that a german accent hey hals hals hals house no it's neck in german hals neck so hals hals hals you say hals i have a grand finale i have a grand finale Oh, man, that's intense. Oh, yeah, it sounds very angry. Are you gonna have your tea? Yeah, I am sippin' out of brava! Question for the podcast from Sam the owl. If you guys ever rewatch your own podcast, what moments have you found the funniest besides Marty's spittle vats? Spittle vats? Fuck, I haven't really watched one in a while. Which is German for shots. No, the funniest fucking I listened to this today because our podcast from last week came out, so it's probably two weeks old. It's a week old right now to you guys. Go and listen to the fucking prank call that Marty did last week. Yeah, a lot of people commented it was very good. Oh, fuck, I wish that guy, that character you played was you all the time. I would hang out with him all the time. We were so depressed last week. Yeah, but then it took a turn, it got better. You started shitting on me. Remember? And then we did the prank. This time a week ago, we'd fucking, we were like, all right, we're gonna do the final thing. This will be a big video for the next like six months, blah, blah, blah. And then fucking ready at 9 a.m. to buy the tickets within 10 minutes, they're all sold out. We were fucking devastated. So many issues. Oh yeah? There was some obstacles. So many hurdles. But we got through them and we kicked a goal and now we've ruined our careers. Oh, Sam noted that his favorite moments are when you do your creepy tickling to Michael and all of our manic laughter. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Little tickling. Hey! Next one is from TM. You guys are the best. Love from Canada. And he said, the question is, do you guys like the snow? Not the snow, the cold snow. Will you come have a snowball fight with me? Maybe build a little snowman when you're here. We built a snowman in Germany and we named him Motherfucker Johnson. No, Motherfucker Jordan. Yeah, Motherfucker Jordan. And yes, I love the snow. Snowboarding's fine. Snow is very last. We love you. Next question is from pitpunch28. Yeah, fuck yeah. What happened to the Twitch channel and will it return? Yeah, we fucking needed to fix our internet, but the internet dude, thank you, God bless you. He helped us out. I can't remember his name. Adam. Adam? No. Maybe Jordan? Motherfucker Jordan? No, he's not the snowman. But yeah, apparently the internet's better. So... We're gonna try very soon, maybe next week. So probably... By the time you're listening to this, tomorrow. No. Yeah, tomorrow. Okay, so when you're listening to this, we're gonna try stream tomorrow. Tomorrow, 6.30. No, we can't because we're fucking going to talk. But just, no, no, because tomorrow this... Maybe Wednesday next week. Just watch our stories and shit. We'll promote it if we are starting it again, okay? Oh, you're so ready for a... Three. Booked. Ah! Look at that slap. Oh my God, Tim. See the fucking way you took it. Fuck it. Who the fuck is that happening? Fuck, there's me a weapon. He got you. Next question from Ryan Madik. You guys are so funny. Marty, have you ever read Mein Kampf? Mein Kampf? No, I haven't. I've heard of it. Did you watch that German, that Hitler movie? Oh, did I really get your eye? Yeah. Oh, sorry, Schnickney. Hey! Wearing undies, hey? Oh, oh, oh, oh. He said, go like Schnickney. Oh. What movie did you watch? There's like a German movie about him, like he's about his final moments when they're losing the war and then he's right when he's in the bunker. And it's in German? Yeah, it's in German. Oh, fuck, what's that called? And it's like, heaps of it got turned into memes when he's like, No, no, no, no. Yeah, I know what you're talking about. That was pretty fucking good. Next question from Arjan van Kumpen. Question for the podcast to Marty. Was Eva Braun your role model when you were a little German girl? Some German questions. Yeah, and no. Yeah, everyone loves the German shit. I told you guys, this is what, I'm fucking half the reason why in high school I just kept hanging out with him because of his German freak. I never met her. I never met her. So I go ment. Listen to him on the phone to his fucking parents. It's the best. Excuse me. It's, it's better than TV. It's better than us kicking a goal. The AFL Grand Final. 2020. Tuss, Tuss, Tuss. He says at the end of the fucking phone call. Tuss, Tussi. Tuss, Mama. Slippin' it's Mama. Tussi. Was this a smile, okay? I'm Blodheim. Next question. Oh my God. That's all the questions and just everyone's info downfall as a movie Marty was referring to. Oh yeah, also there's been a few questions that we've seen pop up fucking a million times. So let's just answer some of the ones that we've been getting very, very frequently. Are you a couple? Well, yeah, we've been, no, we're not a fucking couple. That's not what the ones don't mean. Common question. Yeah, about the AFL. The fine, we don't know how much the fine is going to be. Can we talk about this? Somewhere between a thousand to five thousand. What else has everyone been asking? A lot of people ask. A lot of people ask how much we grew, how much our socials grew. So not that much. Instagram grew like. It wasn't really about growth. No, we never did it for growth. We just wanted a good video. We didn't want it to be a publicity stunt. We just wanted a fucking cool little video. Your dream. We wanted to fucking accomplish your dream. Yeah. And so, yeah, we didn't grow that much. We're hoping to grow from the video itself. But since we have a rich restriction on fucking every single social media platform, you know, it's a bit of a fail. So, yeah, we're definitely, it was a big investment and we're probably going to lose money on the endeavor. Hey, dreams cost money, dude. 110%, my friend, man. Brown. Brown. See. Whisper. Whisper. Dude, oh my God. We've got fucking. We've got a house. How's it going? My haemorrhoids healing. Oh, your fucking haemorrhoids. Is it big or small? Yeah, it's healing. It's healing good. Oh, I don't think it was diet related because I found it. You can get them from too much exertion. Yeah. That's what I said in the last on the podcast. I started doing weights and then I shat and all in the one go. Oh, dude, dude, dude. So is it still there? Yeah, it's still there. It's healing. Give it a look. No. Come on. It's nearly gone. The worst of it's over. Red pea. I've never seen your asshole. No. How long have we been friends for and you've never shown us your asshole? How many times have you seen ours? It's a show of affection. You fucking selfish pig. God damn it. It's like you fucking took over the air belt. I ruined the air belt for it. Selfish. Come on, man. I'll give you. Just a nip. Just a nip. No. Oh, fuck. I bought some cream though. I reckon we could overpower him. If I bought you an Xbox one, would you? No, because I'm a PlayStation one. I reckon we could overpower him. So he won't do that though. Once the podcast is done, I reckon we have a go at pinning him. I just want to get his pants down and just at least have a look at his ass, his bare butt. Not the asshole. I just want to see the bare butt. Can you do that for us? I've had a full day of work and I need to have a shower. I'm sorry. It's happening after we're going to attempt to overpower Matthew Brown. Can I have a shower first? We'll let you guys know what it looks like. No, I've got to there be shit. I want it real. No, it's not. I don't want it dressed up in your fancy makeup. I want to see the real deal. The pink. The pink stink. Oh, he's so cute when he giggles. Matthew Gregory Brown. Let's read some secrets. People have still been sending us secrets. Wait, before you go, before you go off the topic of my hammer because I love talking about it. Who's the dude? What's his name? Matthew's taking over. Liam. Sorry, Liam. When you've had your hammer Michael, do you get like this? Random just shoots of pain. Like someone was stabbing at it. And you go to just on it. If you cough or sit down or you just a bit too fast. Yeah, no, but you get used to it. And then you start enjoying it. It feels so weird when you wipe your ass. Actually, I think I might have a permanent hemorrhoid. It could be like colon cancer that's sort of protruding out of your ass. All right. So Michael's pulling his undies down now. He's spreading his cheek. No, you're clean. That's fucked. It's usually speckled with shit. I guess since you've cleaned your diet. I wipe my ass. It feels like there's lumps there. So you get it after you shit. You're making me sick. They're probably a little bit inflamed. They're probably a little bit inflamed. But that's what leads to your inflamed hemorrhoids, boys. Fucking hell. Yeah. Well, yeah, you get used to it. I hope that I never get them. They're fun. They're something different. No, they're cool. I disagree. Everyone get hemorrhoids, everyone. It's the fucking coolest thing in town. They're not like they're in between. It's just something to do. It's like going for a walk. Halloween's coming up. I might dress up as a hemorrhoid. Do you know what the worst part was? I went into the chemist and had to go to the prescription section to grab the cream. Was it a girl there? And it was fucking packed. Yes. Did it say hemorrhoid cream? Oh, man. It was all girls. Right? Not that that's anything bad, but it was just embarrassing for me. It is more embarrassing. Sexist, man. That's sexist. And then I go to them. Oh, I was just wondering. So I got the hemorrhoid cream up on the picture of what I was looking for on the phone. So I go, oh, do you have this one? It's just a hemorrhoid cream. It's really lively. There's like seven people waiting for prescriptions. And on top of her boy, she goes, oh, hemorrhoid cream. Yep. You use that for yourself? Oh. And I was just like, oh. Yeah, you want to see it? Yeah, you show her, but you won't show us. I didn't show her, but I did say it was for me. And then on my immediately eyes were just looking straight at all the people waiting for their prescriptions. You have embarrassed me beyond belief, darling. I would have said that. That was all right. I got through it. Fucked out, dude. Fucked out hard. What were we just about to fucking talk about? Higher secrets. Yeah, secret time. There's any fucking secrets coming through this week. We had someone confess a murder, didn't we? Yeah. Did we read that? Yeah, the granny. We read that one, right? Yeah, the fucking one that like was mixing up the meds. Oh, yeah. Someone sent that to me, too. There are some fucked up secrets coming through, guys. Keep it coming. Like, he basically said he worked in an aged home and he would mix the things up and then... Some of the shit these people are doing, like, fucking kicking a goal in the air for a grand final. Put that to shame, bro. This isn't a secret. Hey! This isn't a secret, but it's something very special. And I think Marty should read it. Okay. I don't know if we've said this before. Can I say our name? Can I say our name? Nah. Hey, guys. Hope you're good. Just after a bit of advice, really. I was at work a few days ago in the toilets listening to part of one of the podcasts and the female cubicle is right next to the male cubicle and the walls are like cardboard. I was listening to the part about how slippery abortions are without headphones. And as I flushed the toilet and came out, my boss came out the men's toilet at the same time. He looked at me with a very distant and disturbed look on his face and today I was told I have a meeting next week with my boss. Well, I'm thinking I should just plug you guys in the meeting, show me your shit. Oh, no. Now, we got another, I got a reply from it. I was like, let us know how it goes. And she said, look, yeah, they all just had a stern word saying I've got to be off my phone and not be watching vids at work. Yeah. And then like she tried to explain, I think, that it was Marty and Michael. And I don't think the boss- That probably is never going to go down. Yeah, that wouldn't have gone down well. It's never a good idea to mention to your employer that you watch us because, yeah, it's not, it's not exactly like no one's going to be like, oh, okay, that's cool then. I'm going to let them continue to watch that sort of stuff. I kind of feel a pain. I had to explain myself that I produced the show. It didn't matter. It didn't matter to do it. And he's fucking dead. They had cost him. They fucking beat this shit out of him. Buried me in concrete. And hit him hard with phone books, didn't they? They sat you down and they hit you. It was actually refidex. Oh, big fat refidex. Refidex. But he lived to tell the tale and now he's a researcher. Refidex. This one's fucked. Is it a secret? Yeah. So my deepest darkest secret, huh? I know we're all just the, I know where all the bodies are buried. Just kidding. Nah, let's get the next part, yeah. This was actually my mother's secret. But when I was 17, I overheard my parents fighting one night and I heard my mother tell my father, she's not yours. Come to find out, my mother had a very brief affair and I was the result. She never told a soul until that night when they were fighting about my father having an affair of his own and my mother finding out about it. He told her he was glad she found out because the guilt he had been feeling was eating him alive and that is when she told him that he didn't know what guilt was until he had walked in her shoes and bam, dirty little secret out after 17 years. Imagine finding that out. You fucking put all this effort in and you thought it's your own. You pee, your parents arguing one night. You step out to see, oh, it's not mommy and daddy having fights. Oh, so maybe I'll go save it. Maybe I can help. I want to step out in the kitchen and your dad's got your mum by the throat and she's saying, and your mum is screaming. You are not even your dad's son. Oh, daughter. Daughter, both. Amaphodite. Matt? Depends how old you are by that point. Still, I was fucking rocking to the court. Even now, even if I found out that my dad was my dad, pow! But there's a flip side of that as well. You've got to think that that guy's raised you for 17 years. Yeah, I know, but still, there must be some curiosity about your genetic, biological origins. Of course. You know what I mean? Oh, you got to leave me. Never deny the guy who raised you. Yeah, yeah. What a legend for doing that. Props him for doing that, but he didn't even fucking know that it wasn't his fucking daughter. I wonder if he ever speculated on it. Oh! So good. What were you just looking at, Matt? Oh, my dick was in a funny... Sorry, Matt. It was in a funny position, so... You got to fucking show us. You used to get to see it. Why can't we? Funny dick positions is all we want. We love that shit. You know, I love funny dick positions. Oh. I've even started an Instagram funny dick positions. Very good. Very good secret, you know? I lay. Oh, fuck with it. There's a fucking funny video we're making at the moment, too. I can't... We can't say too much, but it's a good one. And people won't be so mad, hopefully. Oh, yeah. You won't even tell me. I'll tell you after it, if you show me your bumhole for five seconds. I'll show you. Show me your bumhole. I'll tell you. Oh, he's got up. Fuck you. Don't fucking give us false hope. I was rooting this slut. I shit myself and pretended I came and left. Oh, my God. How do you shit yourself off? I've had shit in my pants. That's an enemy center. I've had shit in my pants. Why do you have an uncomfortable feeling, isn't it? I can't remember the last time I've had a proper shit in my underwear. Dude, so many times. It's so uncomfortable. Instinctively, you don't want to have shit pressed against you, do you? Your own shit. Oh, man. It's the worst when it's all inside the ass cheeks. And you basically may as well throw out the clothes that you're wearing. Yeah, even the shirt. You don't want to throw in underwear that's just completely engorged with shit. This one, okay. Do you guys do this because I find it so much more relaxing sometimes. This guy's secret is he pee sitting down. I reckon sometimes when you just want to have a long piss, you get on your phone and you can just relax. Yeah, it depends. God, how long's your piss? You know, like 30 minutes? Michael's drips out like a fucking... Well, like after you say you've gone and exercised, you've gone for a run, you don't want to stand up any longer so you just sit down and piss. You can enjoy it. Yeah, it depends. It's hard holding yourself up sometimes. I've taken shits where just as I finish shitting, I'll piss a little bit as well. Sometimes it's fun. Sometimes I like to, especially in public, I like to stand back as far as I can and see how far my stream can go. That's always fun. Yeah, so I don't really mind. Yeah, that's great. Nothing in the PO box this week again, guys. Send us some shit if you want. It's written right here. I think there's some cool stuff on the way. People have said they've sent stuff from... Oh, Michael's got a rip and fucking secret here. One's come through. Oh, he can't even contain himself. A one's got a gobby from a girl in a bedroom at a party. Halfway through, she slipped off the bed, hit her head, knotted on the carpet and passed out. Oh, my God. I finished up and went back to the party. What do you mean you finished up? Yeah, you need to expand on that finished up. What would have you done? That's what he's asked. Well, man, you'd fucking call someone in. You've got him. Did he mean finish up himself? Because that's all right. Sorry, what did knot it up mean? I kind of knotted it off. Knotted it off. It must have hit her head. It must have hit her head. She's unconscious. She's fucking unconscious, man. She might be dead. I would make sure she was all right, I guess. I guess maybe finish off, but definitely don't spray your shit all over her. Imagine that coming to you and you fucking got a load on your face and you're unconscious on the carpet. Yeah, fuck. You'd have to... Oh, man, you couldn't even finish. You'd have to call someone in to see if she's okay. Yeah, it's a... And as soon as they give the green light, she's got a pulse, then finish. Oh, shoot that away. Instead of the prank call this week, because we're going to prep for a really good one next week, I'm just going to slap the fuck out of it. We get one hit each as hard as we can on our cheeks with this fly switch. No! You can go first. We'll go if Pepe's is wrong. No! Deal. No, I don't want to do it. Shall I be the medium? Let me feel it. He's testing slapping himself. Yeah, it would hurt a fair bit. Oh, yeah. That's quite a... What about on the arm? Huh? What about on the fucking arm? Come on. Let me fucking hit your arm with a fly swat. Oh, will I? How about if I do myself? Okay. Hang on. You telling me Marty and Michael aren't going to take a fly swat to the face? No, I'm going to do it myself as hard as I can. I'm just disappointed. A lot of people are disappointed. Show us your arse! I'm disappointed. It's not about me anymore. You are as much a part of this podcast as we are. And the fucking Liam said so. And so are you, Connor! You fucking cunt! You show us... You send a pic, Connor, of your arse. You're part of this too. We ran on that final. We ran on the ground. That's your part to find. You're fucking quarreling. You're all in this. We're all fucked now. Michael is hitting himself with a fly swat. All right, guys. We've been gone for an hour. We're going to get gone. We're running a bit late. So we can't do the prank call this week. But we fucking love you. Thank you to everyone who's been supportive. We fucking love you, dogs. And we fucking will see you all fucking next week. Stay strong. And don't forget that we're the best. We're the best! We're the best! We're the best! Three! Three! Ah!