 If you want a man to feel attracted to you, to chase you, to feel like you're different and special and unique, if you want him to allow himself to fall in love with you and feel like you're someone who he never wants to lose, then you are going to love this video today. Hi, my name is Matthew Coast and welcome to Commitment Connection. Today we're going to be talking about a few things that you can say to a man that will instantly raise your value in his eyes and make him want to chase you and pursue you and think that you are an amazing woman that he can fall in love with and be with for a long-term committed relationship. And so what are we actually talking about here? What are we talking about with raising your value? First off, we're not talking about your intrinsic value as a human being. That's not what we're talking about. We're talking about his perceived value and the way that you want him to see your value is you want him to see it as a little bit higher than his. You want to be the prize that he's trying to win over and if you're not that, men feel no emotional attraction to women who aren't the prize. Men feel no desire to commit to women who are not the prize. Men feel no need to court women who are not the prize. If he doesn't feel like you're the prize, like you're this valuable, amazing woman that he needs to win over, what he's going to do is he's just going to want to hook up with you. He's just going to look at you as somebody that is like all the other women that he's met out there and he's not going to feel like you're special and unique and different. And that's what you want. You want him to feel like you're different. You want him to feel like you're the prize. You don't want him to feel like you're way out of his league. You just want him to feel like you're a little bit above him in value and power. That way he's constantly chasing and striving to win you over up into the point of being in a committed relationship. That's what we're going to be talking about today. How do you do this? Let's talk about exactly what you say in order to do this. First thing that you want to do is you want to let him know that he's not quite living up to your standards. Let's say you meet a guy and you've been hanging out or maybe this is the first time you're hanging out or maybe you've hung out a couple of times before. You want to let him know where he's not really living up to your standards yet. This is a great way of letting him know that you're the prize, that you're really valuable, that you're somebody that he has to win over if he wants to be with you. Some guys aren't going to try to win you over and that's great because they're just taking themselves out of the running. However, if he really likes you, if he's interested in you, he looks at you and you tell him you let you communicate to him that you're the prize, he's going to feel a draw to you. He's going to be like, wow, she's a little bit different. There's something different about her than there is about most of the other women that I meet who just want to please me and want to just accept whatever and are willing to go with whatever and don't have any standards and don't have any boundaries or any of that kind of stuff. How do you let him know that he's not quite living up to your standards? There's a great phrase that you can have to do this and here's what it is. You're almost the perfect guy and then you say whatever standard he's not quite living up to yet. First off, you need to have standards. It's very, very important that you have standards. If you don't have standards, just expect to get whatever it is that comes to you in life. Instead, you want to have standards, you want to have high standards and so this is how you communicate to a guy when he's not living up to him. You say, you're almost the perfect guy. We just need to work on your and then fill in the blank. Let's say you're almost the perfect guy. We just need to work on you opening doors and being more of a gentleman. You don't want to do it like in a really serious way. You're not ever trying to be serious. Remember what I talk about, romance, love. It's all playful. It's about being playful. It's about having fun. It's about enjoying yourself. Sometimes there are points where you really need to lay the hammer down. For the most part, you want everything, your interactions to be fun and playful and engaging and so you're doing this with a smile on your face. You're doing it teasing. You're doing it playful and you're saying, you're almost the perfect guy. We just need to work on you doing little things like opening doors and being kind of a gentleman. We'll just watch for whatever he says and whatever he does after that. Here's another one. You're almost the perfect guy. We just need to work on your texting skills. If he's really bad at texting, if he's all thumbs when it comes to texting, this is a great one to say. You're almost the perfect guy but those shoes and that outfit, no. You're having fun. You're teasing him. This is kind of a playful thing but you're also setting a very, very important frame. You're setting this knowledge that you're valuable, that he's somebody that he has to win over, that you have standards that he has to live up to. That's what you are doing right now. If you're here with us right now, say hi and tell us where in the world you're watching this from in the chat because it's so cool to see women from all over the world watching these live streams. Next one is creating a point system. The other one is letting him know you have standards and basically you're letting him know that you're the prize, that you're valuable, that he has to win you over. The second one is creating a point system for this, for something, for anything. It can be really anything but this is a really fun way to engage with a guy and also, again, setting that frame, also letting him know that you're a really valuable woman, that he's going to have to work to win you over. Guys, they value things that they have to work for. They value you more the more that they have to work for you. The more you set things up so that he has to work for you, the more that he will start to value you. You can make this, like I said, you can make this for anything. Even if you're in a committed relationship, if you're not in a committed relationship, it doesn't matter. What you want to do here is you want to find something that he wants. Initially, if we're in the initial dating phases, there's a few different things that he's going to definitely want. He's probably going to want to touch you. He's probably going to want to kiss you. He's probably going to want to hook up with you. He's probably going to want to spend time with you. He's probably going to want a whole bunch of different things. What you can do is put him on a fake, it's a fake point system. It's just a fun, playful, again, we're just having fun with this. It's a fun, playful, teasing point system that you're putting him on. Let's say, for instance, that he tries to kiss you and you're not quite ready for him to kiss you yet. Even if you are, it doesn't really matter. Here's what you'd say to him. I'd love to kiss you, but you just haven't earned enough points yet. What you want to do is look back at his behavior and give him different points for the behavior. You could say, I'll give you five points for paying for dinner because that was really, really cool and two points for going for the kiss because that's really manly. You need 15 points to kiss me and you're only at seven right now. It's a fun, playful system that you're creating around what it is that you're doing. Then what you want to do is just give him points whenever he does something that you like and then take away points whenever he does something that you don't like or he messes up or does something. It can actually be anything. You can give him points or take away points for just about anything. It still sets up the same frame around the interaction that you're having, that you're valuable, and that you have standards, and that he has to live up to those standards in order to be with you. For instance, let's say that he didn't open a door for you or something like that. You can say, oh, that's it. You didn't open the door for me. Two points lost, or let's say that it's something arbitrary. He sneezes or something. Sneezing, that's two more points lost. You're just having fun with it. You can look at his shoes and be like, oh, man, those shoes are so sexy. They're so manly. They're so cute. They're so whatever. You just gained three points. You just gained three points. What you're doing again, you're just doing different things or maybe he opens a door, maybe he puts his coat around you, maybe he hugs you, maybe he does something playful, maybe he picks you up, maybe he spins you around, maybe he pays for something or he acts masculine in some way. You want to give him points anytime he does things that you like and pull away points anytime that he does things that you don't like or that you perceive as something where he could have messed up or he did mess up. Again, remember, this is just playful and fun. This is not serious. You're not actually writing down points. So you can do anything you want. If you accidentally give him too many points and he's already passed 15, he's like, well, now I get to kiss you. Well, you can be like, oh, no, no, no. It's actually 20 points that you have to get. I thought it was 15 before, but I just realized that it's actually 20 points. You just have fun with it and you're just playful with it. And it instantly, instantly raises your value in his eyes and makes it so that he has to start working in order to win you over. And so I hope you, if you get what I'm talking about here, say I get it in the chat. If you don't get what I'm talking about, go ahead and ask whatever questions you have and I'll answer them here in a little bit. So let's see. The next one is number three is going to be calling out a mistaken or unacceptable behavior. So let's say that he laughs at a really inappropriate moment or he makes fun of something that he shouldn't be making fun of or does something where you don't like the behavior, right? So basically what you're doing is you're calling out any kind of behavior that you don't like or that could be perceived as unacceptable behavior or a mistake or something like that, right? And the first way that you're going to do it is you're going to call him a jerk. You're going to say, you're a jerk. We can't be friends anymore, right? And all you're doing is you're, you know, he does something. You're like, oh, you laughed at that? You're such a jerk. I can't be friends with you anymore. And again, you're doing this in a playful way. This isn't serious. You're doing it in a very playful way. You want to have a smile on your face or you want to play with it a little bit and just kind of tease him, mess with him a little bit, and you're just flirting with him. Oh, you're a jerk. We can't, and it could be with anything, right? Like let's say that you go and have coffee with him or something and he orders tea. You're like, oh, you drink tea? I, oh, we can't be friends anymore, like, you know? And he's like, oh no, tea's the best. And you're like, oh, you're a jerk. Coffee's the best. I don't know if we can be friends, right? And so you're just playing with him. You're just messing with him. You're just teasing him. You're communicating that whatever behavior he's doing isn't acceptable and it doesn't have to be like actually unacceptable. But you're still setting this frame that you're valuable. You're immediately setting a frame that you're valuable and that he's got to do something and he's got to act the right way in order to win you over. That you are the prize. All right, so let's do another one here. Let's say that he's trying to get sexual too soon with you or something like that. Here's the line that you want to say. You're not supposed to talk like that outside the trailer park, right? Or you're not supposed to do that outside the trailer park. So anytime he does something that's inappropriate or doing something too soon or something that you don't like, you say you're not supposed to do that outside the trailer park or you're not supposed to talk like that outside the trailer park. And basically it's again, it's kind of a flirty playful teasing thing. You're kind of calling him like trailer park trash, right? But not really. And it's just a joke. And if he ends up getting too offended by this, right? Cause some people might take it the wrong way, especially if you haven't really connected and shown that you're fun and playful and flirty, he might get a little bit offended by something. And if he does, it's no problem. Here's what you do. You say, it's okay. The truth is that I do that sometimes or just it's okay. I was just messing with you or something like that, right? It's not a big deal. If he kind of, if he's kind of a stick in the mud, right? Or he's whatever and he's taking things a little bit too seriously, you can always do something like that. And that will end up actually being emotionally engaging. Cause it's not a problem, right? It's not a problem if you offend a guy or if he gets a little bit triggered by something. It's not a problem at all because it's emotional engagement. There's a thing that I talk about called the emotional range principle. And you want a man to feel a whole bunch of different emotions. And if you take things a little bit too far, you can jump back the other direction. And it's actually better than not taking things too far and keeping everything boring and in the same level all the time because he has that range of emotion that he ends up going through. And so it's okay to take things a little bit too far and then pull it back because what ends up happening is he gets more emotionally engaged than he would if he was just, you know, you just had some boring conversation where you didn't take things a little bit too far with him. And so number four, number four is actually communicating with yourself. And this is believing that you're the prize, believing that you are a valuable woman who deserves to have a man who chases her and invests in her and gives to her and treats her like an amazing queen that she wants to be treated as. And so you first need to have a conversation with yourself. Before you do any of this stuff, before you go out with a guy, you need to have a conversation with yourself. You need to communicate and believe that you are the prize, that you're valuable, that you're an amazing woman that deserves to have a great guy in your life. And what's gonna happen if you don't believe this? If you don't believe this, then you're going to settle for bad guys, for bad situations, you're going to be a pushover. You're gonna let guys walk all over you. You're gonna let guys do anything they want to and get away with any kind of behavior they want to get away with. And you, a guy will not believe that you are a valuable, attractive, amazing woman that he needs to commit to, that he needs to do all the right things with, that he needs to win over because of something that I call the law of belief transference. The law of belief transference states that whoever believes something to a higher degree will transfer that belief onto the other person. So if, even if he initially meets you and he thinks in his mind that you're an amazing, beautiful, valuable woman, if you in your mind do not believe that, then that belief will get transferred on to him and he will stop believing it as well, right? He will stop believing that you're valuable as well. Because of the law of belief transference and you've probably, you might have experienced this before which is why techniques and tactics and just things to say and all that kind of stuff can work. They can work temporarily but they're never a long-term fix. You have to work on what's inside of your mind. You have to believe within yourself that you're a valuable woman who deserves to have a great relationship. And if you don't believe it then you're gonna let men walk all over you, you're gonna get into bad situations with men. You're going to allow guys to treat you poorly. You're going to allow yourself to get into hookup situations that are going nowhere. You're gonna date guys who aren't really right for you because you want to have somebody who's giving you that attention and validation and treating you like you have some value at all, right? Whereas if you believe in your value you're only going to get into situations that serve you. You're only gonna get into situations where the man treats you like the valuable, amazing, special, fantastic woman that you really are. And so it's very, very important that you start with the idea, with the belief that you are the prize, that you are valuable, that you are an amazing woman who deserves to have a great man in her life. And the number five is what not to do and you never want to try to prove that you are the right woman for him. You never wanna prove that you never want to treat him like he is the one that you are trying to win over. Because like I said before, if you're not the prize, then men feel no emotional attraction for women who are not the prize. Men feel no desire to commit to women who are not the prize. Men feel no need to court women or treat women special or treat women well if they do not believe that you are the prize. And so you want him to believe that you're the prize and so you should never beg a man, you should never try to convince a man, you should never plead, you should never logically talk it out and tell him how you guys would have amazing babies together and all that kind of stuff, right? You would have great genetics and all that kind of nonsense. You never want to try to buy him a bunch of things in order to prove to him how much you like him. You shouldn't try to commit to him before he commits to you to try to show him how serious you are about him because that does not work, right? It's the metaphor that I have is jumping in the pool before he's even decided that he wants to get in. You're swimming in the pool looking up at him and he's like, I don't even know if I want to get in. You're like, I thought we were going to swim together, right? That's committing to him before he commits to you, never do that. Don't over invest in him because the more invested you are, the more you reach out and contact him and do all the things for him and set up dates for him and buy him things and do all the things that invest you into him, the more attached you're going to feel, the more in love you're going to feel, the more all those things you're going to feel to a guy who's not even really that into you yet, which is why it's very, very important that you follow all the rules that I have in the forever woman program. If you don't have that yet, check out the foreverwomanformula.com and you will learn all of the best rules. So if you have any questions or anything, go ahead and put them in the chat right now and I will get to whatever questions that you have and also put in the chat right now. The question for the day is, what is great about you? What's great about you? Put what's great about you in the chat. All right, so let's go ahead and talk about some of these questions. Sandy says, this is number one is let him know you're the prize and he isn't living up to your standards. That's right. That is exactly what you wanna do and it is great. Deidra says, I wish those were the only problems that the men who approach me had. Well, what problems do the men have that are approaching you? What challenges are you having right now? What's your biggest frustration? Ask, talk about your biggest frustration, your biggest challenge, your biggest problem that you're having with guys right now in the chat and I will go and look at your situation and I will help you with it right now. So go and do that. Sandy says, Matt, you're almost the perfect guy but you haven't asked me out on a date yet. Perfect, good job Sandy. I'll give you a high five on that one. That's a good one. That is a good one. I definitely have not asked you out on a date yet. CJ says, another winner from Matt, good vibes from our coach. Well, thank you CJ, I appreciate you being here. You're awesome, so thank you for being here. Rachel says, I love this, very playful and light. Well, I'm glad you like it. She definitely use it. All right, let's see. Shayla says, hi Matt, I love this new video style. Well, I hope you do. I just got this camera and it's great. It is great. Let's see. Samantha says, I get it. I am learning how to be a high value woman. The best way to start is to start with your belief systems because if you start with your belief systems, then all the rest of the stuff will be easy. Start coming naturally for you and it won't be a big deal, right? Because if you come from a space where you're like, hey, I'm really high value and I believe in my value and I believe that I really deserve something great and I believe that I deserve a man who treats me well, then all of a sudden you'll be like, yeah, I want a guy who treats me well and it'll be really, really easy for you to communicate that. Christine says, I am valuable. High five to that, Christine. You are valuable. Lots of people get it. S says, Matthew, I love your smile. Well, I appreciate that. I'm glad you love my smile. Susie says, what if he gets silent and just stops texting or calling? Well, I'm assuming that you're not talking about the situation that we have been talking about here, but if a guy gets silent and stops texting or calling, the first thing that you want to do is give him some space, right? You want to give him at least a week of space, if not more, right? And just see what he does. And the first thing that you want to do actually before you give him a week of space is you want to figure out whether you're in a committed relationship or not. If you're not in a committed relationship, which a lot of the women that are coming to me are not in committed relationships, but they're still completely attached to some guy, then you want to be dating other men. You want to create abundance, right? If you're in a world of scarcity and there's just one dude and it's all about him and he doesn't text you, he doesn't call you, he goes silent on you, then it'll devastate you, right? Because he's your world. He's the only option you have. He's all there is. That's a world of scarcity. A world of abundance is a world where there's lots of men. There's plenty of men out there and if he does something weird or whatever, it's no big deal because you have a lot of other options going on. You're connected to other men. You're connected to other people. You're getting your significance and your certainty and your connection from other sources and so it's not as big of a deal. And so the first thing that you want to do is have an abundance. The second thing that you want to do is give him some space because who knows what's going on with him? And the question is where did it leave off? Did it leave off with you asking him a question and he's ignoring you or are you leaving it off where you guys had a lull in the conversation and he just hasn't reached out after that? If it's just a lull in the conversation and he hasn't reached out, look at the dynamics of what you guys have been doing. So if he's been moving forward and pursuing you and chasing you and investing in you and taking you out on dates and doing all that kind of stuff, it's not a big deal to reach out to him. It is a big deal to reach out to him if he hasn't been taking you out on dates. He hasn't been pursuing things. He hasn't been initiating contact. He hasn't been doing all those things. He hasn't been investing. If he hasn't been investing then you just wanna give him space for a while and then send a message to him at some point if after a week or two he doesn't reach out to you you can send him a message to find out what's going on. But if he has been doing those things it's okay to reach out, right? It's not a big deal to reach out as long as you're not initiating more than 50% of the time. And there's a reason for that that's not an arbitrary number. If you are reaching out more than 50% of the time you're not gonna know when there are red flags going on with him. And so you can reach out once every three messages. You can reach out once every other message. You can reach out once every four messages. It's okay because relationships are built together. It shouldn't be a one-sided thing. It shouldn't be all him. It shouldn't be all you. It should be building things together. And so if you're just waiting on him because you've learned from some coach out there that told you that you should never message a guy first or whatever, which there are coaches out there that are sadly teaching that then what you wanna do is figure out where you are in the dynamics. Is he moving towards you? If a guy is moving towards you and he's investing in you and he's in his masculine energy with you and he's doing all the right things you can do a lot of stuff. If he's not doing all the right things then you need to do things a little bit differently. But you didn't really tell us what's going on with you Suzy. So that is where I will leave it. Gina says, always treat man with so much respect but they always take my kindness for weakness and always wind up treating me like crap. Really so sick of it but I love your advice. One, you shouldn't allow any man to treat you like crap, right? You should have boundaries, you should have standards, you should communicate what your boundaries and standards are. If a man passes those boundaries and standards you need to let him know that he is not behaving in a correct manner and you gotta let him know that what he's doing is not appropriate and you need to look at yourself as the prize, you need to look at yourself as valuable and you need to communicate the things that I was talking about in this video so that he starts trying to win you over, he starts chasing you, he starts investing in you, he starts putting a lot of effort into you because the more effort that you put in the more that or more of the effort that he puts in the more that he's gonna value you. And treating a man with respect will not make him treat you like crap. What will make him treat you like crap is you not standing up for yourself, you not believing in your own value, you not setting boundaries, you not walking away from bad situations, you not letting him know that what he's doing is unacceptable behavior. If you let him walk all over you, most men will not because they want to but because that it's just, it's human nature, right? Women do the same thing with men. If you meet a man who's just a doormat, right? Are you gonna respect him? Are you going to treat him really well? You'll probably lose interest and disappear. That's what most women will do. And it's the same with men, right? They might kind of treat you badly. The difference with men and women is that men will put up with women that don't really, that aren't really all that valuable to them or aren't respecting themselves because they want to continue to get their physical needs met. Whereas a lot of women typically won't do that unless they're really emotionally already engaged with the man. And so you want to make sure or they're coming from a space where they don't really believe that they're valuable. And so you want to make sure that you're coming from a space that you believe that you're valuable and you want to make sure that you're communicating to the man all the right things. And if you're doing those two things, one, you won't get into that situation because you believe that you and you know that you deserve it. And so you'll never get into a situation that's not worthy of you. And two, you're going to communicate it. And so the guy's going to know, the guy will know and he'll be like, okay, you know, I need to either act right or I need to go somewhere else. And that's what you want. That is what you want there, Gina. So I hope that helps. Susie's challenging me here. So let's see what Susie says. Susie says, you are wrong, Matt. You're setting him up to be an errant child. I don't know what an errant child is. And you're making, maybe you're talking about like an errand boy and you're making these women into their teacher or their mom, which is sexually depolarizing. That is not true. That is not what we're doing at all. We are, what we're doing here is we're setting up a frame. You're creating a frame which says, hey, if you want to see, here's the problem, Susie. Here's the problem. What we've gotten into is we're in this world right now where everybody's kind of like, you know, tiptoeing around each other. And so they're treating, a lot of women are treating men like they're children, right? Like they need to be, they need to be babied and they, you know, they need to be, you know, really, really nice to them and all this kind of stuff, right? And it doesn't work. It doesn't work for men. It doesn't work for women. It doesn't work for relationships. Instead, what you need to do is number one, you need to make sure that you're protecting yourself and you're putting yourself into a good situation. And if you're not doing that, if you're not protecting yourself, if you're not putting yourself into a good situation, a man's not gonna be really interested in you. He's not going to want to live up to your standards. You have to have standards and you have to value yourself and you have to have boundaries and all that kind of stuff. And all we're doing here is we're communicating those things. If he doesn't believe in his value, what's gonna happen is, yeah, he's gonna become an errand boy and he's gonna act like a child and you're gonna lose interest in him. That's what's gonna happen, right? Because what you want is you always want almost an even level of power, right? Or an even level of value, right? You want to just be, until commitment, you wanna just be a little bit more valuable than him, have a little bit more power in the relationship than him. Because if it gets like this, where you have all the power in the relationship and he has none and he's running around and he's your errand boy and he's doing everything for you and he's a little lap dog like, what do you want next? What can I do for you next, right? You're like, I'm not really even attracted to this guy. He's getting nowhere with me. I'm not gonna do anything with him. And eventually you're just gonna lose interest and disappear, right? But he's gonna be incredibly attracted to you. However, if it's the opposite way, right? Where you have no power, you have no value and the guy has a ton of value. What's gonna happen then is that you're gonna be working and trying to prove that you're the right man for the right woman for him. And he's gonna be like, eh, I'm not really sure that I'm really into this woman at all, right? But I wanna hook up with her. And so he's gonna settle for a hookup situation. You're probably gonna settle for a hookup situation. He's not gonna be all that attracted to you. He's not gonna look at you like you're different and special and unique and somebody that he really wants to be with long-term. And so my suggestion is that you make sure that you're in a situation where you're communicating your value to a certain degree just enough that you're challenging him. And you're making it so that he needs to work in order to win you over. Because that is the only way that he's gonna value you, Suzy. I mean, I understand your point. And I understand your concern and your fear. But that's all it is, is fear, right? And for a lot of guys, that's gonna happen, right? He's gonna end up being an errand boy and you're gonna lose interest. But you don't want those guys anyway. You want a man who's got a backbone. You wanna get a man who values himself, who's masculine, who wants to work to win you over, but who also is not completely sure about you yet and all that kind of stuff, right? That's the guy that's the kind of guy that's a high value man that you want. And so I'm teaching you how to communicate with one of those kinds of men in a way that's really, really attractive and that will be challenging for him. And it'll make him smile and it'll make him think, oh, this woman is different. She's different and she's unique and she's special and I want to win her over, right? And when he starts thinking that, that's when he's gonna start feeling more attracted to you. That's when he's gonna feel like you're different and special and unique. That's when he's gonna feel like you're somebody that he can actually fall in love with. And that's when he's gonna feel like you are somebody that he doesn't want to lose. So I hope that answers your question there. Elizabeth says, what if he tells you that you are a great woman and then he ghosts you? Well, I mean, how much of a, first off, what do you mean by ghost? Cause we were just having this conversation in my community where we're talking about ghosting, right? And a lot of women have different ideas about what ghosting means, right? Ghosting to some women mean that a guy disappears even though you've just been talking or a guy disappears for a week that could be some women are like, well, he ghosts me once a week. And it's because a guy doesn't talk to me for a couple of days or something like that. And so, there's a few different questions that I have for you, Elizabeth. And one is, did he actually ghost you? And what does ghosting look like to you? Because it might be that he thinks that you ghosted him. It might be that he thinks that you're not really interested in him. One of the things that I do with some women, cause I have a lot of women that come to me or who will work with me who have had problems with men ghosting them, right? And so, what I'll do typically with them is I'll have them send out a message to the guy, right? I'll have them send out a text message to the guy, to all the guys actually who ghosted them, right? I'm like, send out and we'll have them send out the exact same text message and they'll send it out to all the different guys. And what ends up happening is that a lot of the guys end up responding back. And then I'll have them have a conversation with the guy cause I'm like, look, he ghosted you so you can say whatever to him at this point, right? You can text him whatever and it doesn't matter because he already ghosted you, right? So it doesn't matter. And so I'll have him have a conversation with the guy about what happened. And a lot of the times, not every time, but a lot of the times what the guy would say is he'll be like, oh, I didn't think that you were interested in me. Or, oh, I thought that you ghosted me, right? And the woman sitting there thinking, no, I like you. I thought you were great. And I thought it was weird that you disappeared on me. And the guy's like, no, I'm actually interested, right? And I actually had a woman a couple of days ago, actually not too long ago, it was just a few days ago where she sent out this text message to the guy and then they started talking. And then he was like, yeah, let's set up a date and hang out again, you know, like I like you, like let's meet up. And it's one of those things, like a lot of times women will not show enough interest in guys because they've been taught by these really bad dating coaches out there to show no interest and don't do anything and all that kind of stuff with a guy. And what ends up happening is when I start working with them, I have them show interest, right? It's not, you don't wanna like totally all your emotions onto a guy, but you do wanna let him know that you're interested in him so that he continues to pursue you. You want him to know that you are romantically interested in him. And he will continue to pursue you if that happens. And so my suggestion is that you reach out to him. If it's been a week or two weeks, depending on how often you normally communicated with each other, then reach out to him and find out what's going on because he already ghosted you, so it doesn't matter at this point what you do, right? Let's see what we have next. Denise says, kind of a similar situation, says what if he says you're beautiful and stuff and then slows up with calling and texting? Well, you wanna give a guy space, right? You wanna give him space to do things because there's some kind of myth out there, right? That a guy's gonna be into you and then it's gonna be like all on all the time, every moment, like some people need space, some people need time, some people, even women, right? A lot of women do. And so you wanna look at it and see whether it's abnormal or normal, right? So if it's normal behavior, it could just be, he normally texts you all the time and now he's slowing up a little bit. That can be normal behavior, right? Especially in the initial dating phases when a guy's really excited about someone, he's trying to mess with you all the time, he's like, what you doing, girl? I really like you, I won't meet you all the time, you're so beautiful, you're just wonderful, let's hang out, right? And then after a while, he's starting to be a little bit more comfortable with you, right? A little bit more familiar with you and because of the law of familiarity, anything that you're around or you communicate with or you talk to or that you're in contact with constantly doesn't matter what it is. You start to take it for granted just a little bit and it can become even a lot over time. And so you wanna realize that no communication can actually be a good thing, right? Space can actually be a good thing. He needs to not be around you at some point, he needs to not constantly be in communication with you in order to miss you. And so space can actually be a really, really good thing with a guy. And so it's not necessarily a bad thing that he slows up. It could just be that he's got other things going on or that he's more familiar with you or something else came up and it's taking his priority or whatever. And so it's not necessarily a bad thing, right? It can actually be a really good thing because it can make him, his fire of desire grow into a flame of love by actually having that space there. And if you wanna know, Denise, if you wanna know more about it, make sure you check out my forever woman program at the foreverwomanformula.com because I talk specifically about that and how that works in that right there. So go check that out. You can check out my program, go watch the video. You can actually pick up the program for free. And if you wanna stay a part of the community, there's a fee to that and you can get coaching and all that kind of stuff right there. You can actually get free coaching by signing up. So check it out. Check it out. Check it out. Check out my program at foreverwomanformula.com I should start, I should do my own radio advertisements. Check out my program foreverwomanformula.com All right, so, Patricia says, what if he goes silent and quit texting and quit calling? You be, quit calling you, be he says he loves you and he needs space. Well, sometimes people need space, right? My suggestion is that you, is that you start building connection, right? I talked earlier about this idea of scarcity versus abundance. Well, there's a whole bunch of different types of scarcity and abundance. One is options, right? A scarcity of men out there and so there's one man and you're like, all right, another is a scarcity of connection. So if this is the only person that you're getting your connection from, Patricia, then it's gonna be a really, you're gonna have a really difficult time with a guy who needs some space sometimes because most guys at some point are gonna need some space. And what you do during that time is going to determine whether he, his love and his interest and his desire for you grows or whether it shrinks and shrivels and all of a sudden he starts losing interest and starts getting colder and colder and colder. And it's very important that you don't end up smothering him and jumping all over him and you're like, what's going on with you? Don't me what's going on with you, right? Because that's just gonna drive him crazy and make him be like, oh, I need some more space away from this woman. And if you continue to keep doing that and acting needy and desperate and all that kind of stuff, what's gonna end up happening is he's just gonna pull away, pull away, pull away until he completely loses interest. And so what you need to do is build an abundance of connection, right? Build an abundance of connection with other people, with animals, with nature, with yourself, right? The most important kind of connection that you need to start making is a connection with yourself. And so start connecting with other people and other things in the world so that you're not getting all of your connection from just this man. That way you're gonna be a lot better off if you do that. You're gonna be a lot better off and you won't come off as needy and desperate and clingy because you gotta get your connection from this guy because you're getting your connection from a whole bunch of different sources and it's not a big deal if this guy needs some space or something comes up at work or there's other things going on in his life, somebody dies in his family, right? That's a big one that a lot of women are concerned with or like somebody died in this man's family and he hasn't talked to me in five days, like what do I do? And it's like, well, you give him some space, if he needs it, you let him know that you're there for him if he needs it and then you just let go, right? You give him that space and you make sure that you're getting connection in other places. And if you're not in a committed relationship, you should be getting that connection from other men as well, right? You should be dating other men. Don't be sleeping with lots of other men but you should be dating other men that way you're not so focused on this one guy. And so if you're in a friend with benefits situation, if you're not committed, if you're just dating which is most women that usually come to us, you should be getting that connection from other men as well, that way it's not just all about this one dude. Hope that helped Patricia. I hope that helped Patricia. I hope that helped Patricia. So Manuela, Manuela, Manuela says I like it. I have met some decent men on there just to have to weed out the crazies. Yeah, you always have to weed out the crazy. S says I love your advice. They've been very effective in helping with not just my love life but with me feeling stronger and more self assured. So I'm happy that I can help out S and I am very grateful to be able to work with you and I'm grateful for you to come and trust me on your journey of attracting a guy that really cherishes you and loves you and respects you into your life. So thank you so much for being there. Leslie says should I run or stay? Has battled types of addiction, what should I do? Well, you have to realize that people with addiction problems they a lot of times they tend to have a problem valuing something more than that addiction. So if he's still battling with addiction problems then you should probably leave him alone because he's gonna have to work through that before he's really ready to value somebody else higher than his addictions. And if he hasn't gotten to a space where he's really let go of all that stuff then it's gonna be about whatever that substance is that he's addicted to over you. And you're not going to be the priority ever. His job's not gonna be the priority. His family's not gonna be the priority. If he has kids, those aren't gonna be the priority. Nothing is gonna be the priority over whatever kind of drug abuse he has until he gets that figured out. And so it can be really, really challenging to do that. So Marie says, thanks for the great advice. You are welcome Marie, thank you. Thank you for being here. Thanks for being awesome. Amanda says, thank you Matthew for sharing these truths. I am grateful for the reminders for me to stand up for my value. Awesome, well thanks for being here Amanda. I'm glad that it is helping you. I'm glad it's helping you. So Jamie says, what do I do when he is emotionally unavailable or says he's broken? I told him I liked him, then he said he could do the friends with benefits and couldn't be friends. How do I show him I care and want him back? Jamie, you, here's what you need to do. Jamie, this is very, very important that you listen to this. First thing that you need to do is change the way that you look at yourself. You are settling right now. You're settling for whatever you can get. And so you need to regain your power and your control of your life. You need to change the way that you look at yourself and what you deserve in a relationship. You need to believe that you deserve a man who's fully committed to you. A man who truly loves you. A man who treats you amazingly well. A man who gives you the kind of relationship that you want to have. Until you believe those things Jamie, you are not, you're gonna continue settling for crumbs. This guy is going to give you breadcrumbs. He's going to take advantage of you. He's going to treat you like crap and he's not gonna give you the relationship that you want to have. First giant red flag in this conversation right here is you're saying that he says that he's broken, right? So the most powerful thing in psychology, the most powerful thing in someone's psychology is their identity, right? So if he says I am broken, what he's saying is that everything that he does from this point forward is going to come from a place of I am broken. And so until he changes that belief system of who he thinks he is, he's always going to act in a way that he believes a person would act if they were broken. And so showing him that you care and that you want him back is not gonna help. It's not gonna help him. It's not gonna help you. It might pull him back in initially but he's gonna treat you like crap and he's gonna continue to treat you like garbage as long as you're willing to put up with it. And you're obviously willing to put up with it because you're trying to get him back. And so what you need to do is change the way that you value yourself, that you look at yourself, that you see yourself as a human being who deserves to have a great man and a great relationship. You need to change that first, Jamie. And then once you do that, once what you need to do is start dating other men and build an abundance of men out there. And once you do that, once you have a bunch of other men that you're dating, then you can reach out to him because once you come from a place where you believe that you are valuable and once you come from a place where you have an abundance of options with men and an abundance of connection and you're getting your emotional needs from other sources, what you're gonna do when you reach out to him and he starts playing all this game of, I'm broken and I'm emotionally unavailable and I'm this wounded bird, right? The wounded bird syndrome. He's got his broken wing and you're over there trying to fix him and nurse him back to health. When he's doing that, right? When he's doing wounded bird syndrome, what you're gonna do is you're gonna be like, oh, this is kinda gross. And there's these other guys who are treating me really well. And I believe that I deserve a great man in my life. I don't think I'm gonna put up with this nonsense. And what you're gonna do is you're gonna communicate to him. You're gonna be like, look, man, you need to get it together. You need to stop doing this broken thing. You need to start believing that you're a strong and whole man. You need to heal your past. You need to let go of all your baggage that you're holding on to. Or you're gonna lose me and you're never gonna have me. And if that's fine with you, that's fine because there's a whole bunch of men out there who are gonna treat me like a queen. And I want to be in a relationship with one of those men who treats me really, really well. I don't wanna be in a relationship with a guy like you who's not gonna treat me well, unless you're willing to step up and heal yourself, figure yourself out, and provide the kind of relationship that I ultimately want to have with a man. And once you get into that space, then it's really easy, right? The whole thing makes sense. Everything's really easy. The things that you communicate will work a lot better because you're coming from a place of wholeness. You're coming from a place of value. You're coming from a place of power. You're coming from a place of strength. You're an empowered, strong, healthy woman who looks at herself and says, I deserve to have something amazing in my life. And I'm not gonna settle for anything less. And when you come from a space like that, everything else will come together the way you want it to. But if you're not coming from a space like that, you're gonna continue to settle for crumbs with men. You're gonna continue to deal with this broken, emotionally unavailable guy. And you're gonna continue to get into friend with benefits where he's not even willing to be your friend, right? You don't want that. That's not where you wanna be. That is settling for far less than what you deserve, Jamie. So my suggestion is that you stop it. You just stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it. Pick up a copy of my forever woman formula at theforeverwomanformula.com. I really, I really should do a radio spot for that. Anyway, anyway. Suzy says, my boyfriend says he loves me but hardly texts or calls whenever he needs something he does. Why do men take women for granted? Let's talk about the why men take women for granted. Because you allow them to take you for granted, right? If you stepped up for yourself, if you believed in your own value, if you didn't allow a man to take you for granted, then he wouldn't. But since you do allow it, he will. You say, I feel like if we get married, he will only get worse. That is true. This will only get worse if you get married, if you don't get the right things set up right now, right? Like one of the biggest mistakes that a lot of women make is they think, man, maybe if I have kids with him, maybe if we build a business together, maybe if we get married, then things will change. Things will not change. Things will only get worse if things are bad right now. So you have to flip the frame, right? You have to change things so that he's working to have you in his life. He's investing in you. He's attached to you. He's giving to you. If that's not going on, you should not be moving forward with anything with a man. And so you need to communicate your standards, your boundaries, all that kind of stuff. Like I said, pick up a copy of the foreverwomanformula.com. Linda says, me using the mantra, you are the prize helps tremendously. Everything in a new perspective sets my new, my standards and stops me from settling. That is fantastic, Linda. High five to that. Use that as a mantra. If you need it, get some drums, get into a drum circle. Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop. You are, I am the prize. I am the prize. Whatever you gotta do, right? Say it to yourself. Sing it in the car. Perform in the car. Talking about how you're the prize. Whatever you gotta do, do whatever you gotta do to remember that you are the prize, that you are a valuable, amazing woman who deserves a great man in a great relationship and do not settle for anything less. All right, so I gotta get going here. Thank you so much for being here with me today. If you don't have the forever woman, go check it out, theforeverwomanformula.com. Thank you, everybody, for being here. And I will speak with you again soon and always remember, you are worth it. You are what?