 This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Chapter 10 of Good Wives by Louisa May Alcott Joe's Journal New York, November Dear Marmie and Beth, I'm going to write you a regular volume for I've got heaps to tell you, though I'm not a fine and lady traveling on the continent. When I lost sight of Father's dear old face, I felt a trifle blue and might have shed a brunny drop or two if an Irish lady with four small children, all crying more or less, hadn't diverted my mind, for I amused myself by dropping gingerbread nuts over the seat every time they opened their mouths to roar. Soon the sun came out and taking it as a good omen, I cleared up likewise and enjoyed my journey with all my heart. Mrs. Kirk welcomed me so kindly, I felt at home at once, even in that big house full of strangers. She gave me a funny little sky parlour, all she had, but there's a stove in it and a nice table and a sunny window so I can sit here and write whenever I like. A fine view and a church tower opposite, a tone for the many stairs, and I took a fancy to my den on the spot. The nursery where I'm to teach and sew is a pleasant room to Mrs. Kirk's private parlour, and the two little girls are pretty children, rather spoiled, I fancy, but they took to me after telling them the seven bad pigs, and I have no doubt I shall make a model governess. I'm to have my meals with children if I prefer it to the great table, and for the present I do, for I'm bashful, though no one will believe it. Now, my dear, make yourself at home, said Mrs. Kay in her motherly way. I'm on the drive from morning to night, and as you may suppose with such a family, but the great anxiety will be off my mind if I know the children are safe with you. My rooms are always open to you, and your own shall be as comfortable as I can make it. There are some pleasant people in the house, if you feel social, and your evenings are always free. Come to me if anything goes wrong and be as happy as you can. There's a T-Val, I must run and change my cap, and off she thought slip leaving me to settle myself in my new nest. As I went down the stair suit after, I saw something I liked. The flights are very long in this tall house, and as I stood waiting at the head of the third one for the little servant girl to lumber up, I saw a gentleman come along behind her, take the heavy hot of coal out of her hand, carry it all the way up, put it down at the door no by, and walk away saying with a kind nod in a foreign accent, it goes better so, the little back is too young to have such heaviness. Wasn't it good of him? I like such things, for his father says, trifle show character. When I mentioned it to Mrs. Kay that evening, she laughed and said, That must have been Professor Bear, he's always doing things of that sort. Mrs. Kay told me he was from Berlin, very learned and good, but poor as a church mouse, and gives lessons to support himself and two little orphan nephews whom he is educating here, according to the wishes of his sister, who married an American. Not a very romantic story, but it interested me, and I was glad to hear that Mrs. Kay lends him her parlor for some of his scholars. There's a glass door between it and the nursery, and I mean to peep at him, and then I'll tell you how he looks. He's almost 40, so it's no harm, Mommy. After tea and a go-to bed romp with the little girls, I tacked the big workbasket and had a quiet evening chatted with my new friend. I shall keep a journal letter and send it once a week, so good night and more tomorrow. Tuesday Eve. Had a lively time in my seminary this morning, for the children acted like Sancho, and at one time I really thought I should shake them all around. Some good angel inspired me to try gymnastics, and I kept it up, till they were glad to sit down and keep still. After luncheon, the girl took them out for a walk, and I went to my needlework, like little Mabel, with a willing mind. I was thinking my stars that I'd learned to make to my sputin' holes when the parlor door opened and shut, and so on began to hum like a big bumblebee. It was dreadfully improper, I know, but I couldn't resist the temptation, and lifting one end of the curtain before the glass door, I peeped in. Professor Bear was there, and while he arranged his books, I took a good look at him. A regular German, rather stout with brown hair, tumbled all over his head. A bushy beard, good nose, the kind of size I ever saw, and a splendid big voice that does one ears good after a sharp or flip-shot American gavel. His clothes were rusty, and his hands were large, and he hadn't really had some feature on his face, except his beautiful teeth. Yet I liked him, for he had a fine head. His linen was very nice, and he looked like a gentleman, though two buttons were off his coat and there was a patch on one shoe. He looked sober in spite of his humming, till he went to the window to turn the high synth bulbs for the sun, and stroke the cat, who received him like an old friend. Then he smiled, and when a tap came at the door, called out in a loud brisk tone, hair in! I was just going to run when I caught sight of a morsel of a child carrying a big book, and stopped to see what was going on. Me wants me bear, said the mite, sliming down her book, and running to meet him. Thou shalt half-sigh bear, come then, and take a good hug from him, my Tina, said the professor, catching her up with a laugh, and holding her so high over his head that she had to stoop her little face to kiss him. Now me must toddy my lesson, went on the funny little thing. So I put her up on the table, opened the great dictionary she had brought, and gave her a pencil and a piece of paper, and she scribbled away, turning a leaf now and then, and passing her little fat finger down the page as if finding a word, so soberly that I nearly betrayed myself by a laugh, while Mr. Bear stood stroking her pretty hair with a fatherly look that made me think she must be his own, though she looked more French than German. Another knock, and the appearance of two young ladies sent me back to my work, and there I was, virtuously remained through all the noise and gabbling that went on next door. One of the girls kept laughing effectively and saying, now professor! in a coquettish tone, and the other pronounced her German with an accent that must have made it hard for him to keep sober. Both seemed to try his patience sorely, for more than once I heard him say empathetically, no, no, it's not so. You have to not attend to what I say. And once there was a loud rap as if he struck the table with his book, followed by the despairing exclamation, but it all goes wrong this day. Poor man, I pitied him, and when the girls were gone, took just one more peek to see if he survived it. He seemed to have thrown himself back in his chair, tired out, and sat there with his eyes shut to the clock sharp, too. When he jumped up, put his books in his pocket, as a Friday for another lesson, and taking little Tina who had fallen asleep on the sofa in his arms, he carried her quietly away. I fancy he has had a hard life of it. Miss Kirk asked me if I wouldn't go down to the five o'clock dinner, and feeling a little bit homesick, I thought I would, just to see what sort of people are on the same roof with me. So I made myself respectable and tried to slip in behind Mrs. Kirk. To be short and I'm tall, my efforts at concealment were rather a failure. She gave me a seat by her, and after my face cooled off, I puked out the courage and looked about me. The long table was full, and everyone intent on getting their dinner, the gentlemen especially, who seemed to be eating on time, for they bolted in every sense of the word, vanishing as soon as they were done. There was the unusual assortment of young men, absorbent themselves, young couples absorbed in each other, young women and their babies, and old gentlemen in politics. I don't think I shall care to have much to do with any of them, except the one sweet-faced maiden lady who looks as if she had something in her. Cast away at the very bottom of the table was the professor, shouting answers to the questions of a very inquisitive, deathful gentleman on one side, and talking philosophy with a Frenchman on the other. If Amy had been there, she'd have turned her back on him forever because, sad to relate, he had a great appetite her ladyship. I don't mind, for I like to see folks eat with relish, as Hannah says, and the poor man must have needed a deal of food after teaching idiots all day. As I went upstairs to dinner, two of the young men were settling their hats before the hall mirror, and I heard one say low to the other, who's the new party? Governance or something of that sort. What is she at our table for? A friend of the old ladies. Handsome head, but no style. Not a bit of it. Give us a light and come on. I felt angry at first, and then I didn't care. For governance is just as good as a clerk, and I've got sense, if I haven't style, which is more than some people have, judging from the remarks of the elegant beings who chattered away, smoking like bad chimneys. I hate ordinary people. Thursday. Yesterday was a quiet day, spent in teaching, sewing, and writing in my little room, which is very cozy with a light and a fire. I picked up a few bits of news, and was introduced to the professor. It seems that Tina is the child of the French woman who does the fine ironing in the laundry here. The little thing has lost her heart to Mr. Bear, and follows him about, like the house, like a dog, whenever he's at home, which delights him, and he is very fond of children, though a bachelor door. Kitty and Minnie Kirk likewise regard him with affection, and tell all sorts of stories about the plays he invents, the presents he brings, and the splendid tales he tells. The younger men quiz him, it seems, call him Old Fritch, Lagerbeer, Ursa Major, and make all manner of jokes out of his name. But he enjoys it like a boy, Mrs. Kirk says, and takes it so good naturally that they all like him in spite of his foreign ways. The maiden lady is Ms. Norton, rich, cultivated, and kind. She spoke to me at dinner today, for I went to the table again. It's such fun to watch people, and asked me to come and see her in her room. She finds books and pictures, knows interesting poems, and seems friendly, so I shall make myself agreeable, for I do want to get into good society, only it isn't the same sort that Amy likes. I was in her parlor last evening when Mr. Bear came in with some newspapers for Mrs. Kirk. She wasn't there, but many, who is a little old woman, introduced me very prettily. This is Mama's friend, Miss March. Yes, and she's jolly, and we like her lots, added Kitty, who is and Fent terrible. We both bowed, and then we laughed for the prim introduction and the blunt addiction were rather a comical contrast. Ah, yes, I hear these naughty ones go to vex you, Miss March. If so again, call me, and I come, he said, with a threatening frown that delighted the little wretches. I promised I would, and he departed, but it seems as if I was doomed to see a good deal with him for today as I passed his door on my way out by accident I knocked against it in my umbrella. It flew open, and there he stood in his dressing gown with a big blue sog in one hand and a darting needle in the other. He didn't seem at all ashamed of it, for when I explained and hurried on, he waved his hand, a sog in all, saying in his loud cheerful way, you have a fine day to make your walk, bon voyage, Madame Waselle. I laughed all the way downstairs, but it was a little pathetic. Also, I think of the poor man having to mend his own clothes. The German gentleman in broader, I know, but darning hose is another thing and not so pretty. Saturday. Nothing has happened to write about, except a call on Miss Norton, who has a roomful of pretty things. He was very charming, for she showed me all her treasures and asked me if I would sometimes go with her to lectures and concerts as her escort if I enjoyed them. She put it as a favor, but I'm sure Mrs. Couric has told her about us, and she does it out of the kindness to me. It's not as lucifer, but such favors from such people don't burden me, and I accepted gratefully. When I got back to the nursery, there was such an uproar in the parlor that I looked in, and there was Mr. Bear down on his hands and knees with Tina on his back, Kitty leading him with a jump rope, and many feeding two small boys with seed cakes as they roared and rammed in cages built of chairs. We are playing. Nargory explained Kitty, this is my affluent, listening on by the professor's hair. Mama always allows us to do what we like Saturday afternoon when friends in a mail come. Doesn't she, Mr. Bear? said many. The effluent sat up, looking as much in earnest as any of them, and said soberly to me, I give few my word, it is so, if we make too large a noise, you say hush to us, and we go more softly. I promised to do so, but I left the door open and enjoyed the fun as much as they did for a more glorious frolic I never witnessed. They playing tag and soldiers, dance and sing, and when it began to grow dark, they all piled on to the sofa about the professor, while he told charming fairy stories of the storks on the chimney tops and the little cod lads who ride the snowflakes as they fall. I wish Americans were simple and natural as Germans, don't you? I'm so fond of riding, I should go spinning on forever if motives of economy didn't stop me. For though I have used this thin paper and written fine, I tremble to think of the stamps this long letter will need. Pray, forward Amy's as soon as you can spare them. My small news will sound very flat after her splendors, but you will like them, I know. Is Teddy studying so hard that he can't find time to write to his friends? Take good care of him for me, Beth, and tell me all about the babies and give heaps of love to everyone. From your faithful Joe. P.S. On reading over my letter, I'm thinking as rather Barry, but I'm always interested in odd people and I really had nothing else to write about. Bless you. December. My precious Betsy. As this is to be a scribble-scrabble letter, I direct it to you for it may amuse you and give you some idea of my goings on. For though quiet, they are rather amusing for which, oh, be joyful. After what Amy would call herclinium efforts in the way of mental and moral agritulter, I begin to shoot and my little twigs to bend as I could wish. They are not so interesting, Tomas, Tina, and the boys, but I do my duty by them. They are fond of me. France and Emile are jolly lads quiet after my own heart for the mixture of German and American spirit in them produces a constant state of effervescence. Saturday afternoons are riotous times whether spent in the house or out, for unpleasant days that I'll go to walk, like a seminary with the professor and myself to keep order, and then such fun. We are very good friends now and I've begun to take lessons. I really couldn't help it, and it all came about in such a drool way that I must tell you. To begin at the beginning, Mrs. Kirk called me one day as I passed by Mr. Bear's room while she was rummaging. Did you ever see such a den, my dear? Just come and help me put these books to rights for I've turned everything upside down trying to discover what he has done not long ago. I went in, and while we worked I looked about me, for it was a den to be sure and an old flute over the mantelpiece as if done with. Books and papers everywhere, a broken mirsham and an old flute over the mantelpiece as if done with, a ragged bird without any tail, tripped on the window seat in a box of white mice adorned the other. Half finished boats and bits of string lay among the manuscripts. Dirty little boots stood drying before the fire and traces of the dearly beloved poise, for whom he makes slaves were to be seen all over the room. After a grand rummage, three of the missing articles were found, one over a birdcage, one covered with ink, and the third, burned brown, having been used as a holder. Such a man laughed good-natured Mrs. Kay as she pulled the relics in the raybag. I suppose the others are torn up to rigged ships, bandaged cut fingers or make kite tails. It is dreadful, but I can't scold him. Little Absent minded and good-natured, he let those boys ride all over him, roughshod. I agreed to do his washing and mending, but he forgets to give out his things, and I forget to look them over, so he comes to a sad past sometimes. Let me mend them, said I. I don't mind it, and he need no. I'd like to. He's so kind to me about bringing my letters and lending books. So, I've got this thing in order, and knit heels into two pairs of the socks, for they are boggled out of shape with his queer darns. Nothing was said, and I hoped he wouldn't find out, but one day last week he caught me at it. Hearing the lessons he gives to the others has interested me, and amused me so much that I took a fancy to learn, for Tina runs in and out, leaving the door open, and I can hear. I had been sitting near the store, finishing off the last sock, and trying to understand what he had said to a new scholar, who is as stupid as I am. The girl had gone, and I thought he had also. It was visibly gabbing over a verb, and rocking too in fro in a most absurd way, when a little crow made me look up, and there was Mr. Bayer looking, and laughing quietly, while he made signs to Tina not to betray him. So, he said, as I stopped and stared like a goose, you peep at me, I peep at you, and this is not bad. But, see, I'm not pleasanting when I say half you wish for German. Yes, but you are too busy, and I'm too stupid to learn. I blundered out as red as a peony. We will make the time, and we will fail not to find the sense. At athening, I shall give a little lesson with much gladness. For, look you, me smart, I have this debt to pay. And he pointed to my work. Yes, they say to one another, these so kind ladies, he is a stupid old fellow, and he will not see what we do. He will never observe that his sock heels go not in holes anymore. He will think his buttons grow out new when they fall, and believes that strings make themselves. Ah, but I have an eye, and I see much, I have a heart, and I feel thanks for this. Come, a little lesson then and now, or no more good fairy works for me and mine. Of course, I couldn't say anything after that, and as it really is a splendid opportunity, I made the bargain and we began. I took four lessons, and then I stuck fast in a grammatical blog. The professor was very patient with me, but it must have been an experiment to him, and now and then he looked at me with such an expression of mild despair that it was a toss-up with me whether to laugh or cry. I tried both ways, and when it came to a sniff or utter mortification in woe, he just threw the grammar onto the floor and marched out of the room. I felt myself disgraced and deserted forever, but didn't blame him a particle, and was scrambling my papers together meaning to rush upstairs and shake myself hard when it came a brisk screaming as if I'd covered myself in glory. Now, we shall try a new way. You and I will read these pleasant little merchant together, and dig no more into that dry book. That goes in the corner for making us trouble. He spoke so kindly in open Hans Andersen's fairy tale so invitingly before me that I was more ashamed than ever, and went to my lessons in a neck-or-nothing style that seemed to amuse him immensely. I forgot my bashfulness, and pegged away, no other word will express it, with all my might tumbling over long words pronouncing accordingly to inspiration of the minute and doing my very best. When I finished reading my first page and stopped for breath he clapped his hands and cried out in his hearty way, Das ist gut, now we go well. My turn, I do him in German, gift me your ear, in a way he went rumbling out the words with a strong voice and a relish which was good to see as well as here. Fortunately, the story was the constant tin-solder, which is droll, you know, so I could laugh, and I did, but I didn't understand half he read. For I couldn't help it, he was so earnest, I was so excited, and the whole thing was so comical. After that we got on better, and now I read my lessons pretty well, for this way studying suits me, and I can see that grammar gets tucked into the tales and poetry as one gives pills and jelly. I like it very much, and he doesn't seem tired of it yet, which is very good of him, isn't it? I mean to give him something on Christmas, for I dare not tell me something nice, Marmy. I'm glad Lori seems so happy and busy that he's given up smoking and lets his hair grow. You see, Beth manages them better than I did. I'm not jealous, dear, do your best, but don't make a say to him. I'm afraid I couldn't like him without a spice of human naughtiness. Read him bits of my letters. I haven't had time to write much, and that will do just as well. Thank Heaven, Beth, continue so comfortable. January. Happy New Year to all my dearest family, which of course includes Mr. L and a young man by the name of Teddy. I can't tell you how much I enjoyed your Christmas bundle, but I'd get until night and had given up hoping. Your letter came in the morning, but you said nothing about a parcel, meaning it for a surprise, so I was a little disappointed, for I had a kind of feeling that you wouldn't forget me. I felt a little low in my mind as I sat up in my room after tea, and with the big, muddy, battered looking bundle was brought to me. I just hugged it and it was so homey and refreshing that I sat down on the floor and read and looked and ate and laughed and cried in my usual absurd way. Things were just what I wanted, and all the better for being made instead of bought. Beth's new ink bid was capital, and Hannah's box of hard gingerbread will be a treasure. I'll be sure to wear the nice flannels you sent, Marmy, and read carefully the book's father is marked. Thank you all heaps and heaps. Speaking of books reminds me of getting rich in that line. For on New Year's Day, Mr. Bear gave me a fine Shakespeare. He is one he values much, and I've often admired it set up in the place of honor with his German Bible, Plato, Homer, and Milton. So you may imagine how I felt when he brought it down without its cover, and showed me my own name on it. From my friend, Frederick Bear. You say often you wish a library. Here, I give you one. For between these lids he meant covers. As many books in one. Read him well and he will help you. For the study of character in this book will help you read it in the world and paint it with your pen. I thanked him as well as I could, and talk now about my library as if I had hundreds of books. I never knew how much there was in Shakespeare before, but then I'd never heard Bear explain it to me. Now I don't laugh at his hoard name. It isn't pronounced bear or beer, as people will say, but something between two, as only Germans can give it. I'm glad you both like what I tell you about him and hope you'll know him some day. Mother would admire his warm heart, father his wise head. I admire both and feel rich in my new friend Frederick Bear. Not having much money or knowing what he'd like, I got several little things and put them about the room where he would find them, unexpectedly. They were useful pretty or funny. A new standish on his table, a little vase for his flower. He always has one, or bit of green in the glass to keep it fresh. He says and a holder for his blower. So he needed to burn up what Amy calls mooshers, and I made it like those Beth invented, a big butterfly with a fat body and a black and yellow ring, worsted feelers and beat eyes. It took his fancy immensely and he put it on his mantle piece as an article of virtue. So it was rather a failure after all. Poor he is, he didn't forget a servant or child in the house and not a soul here, from the French laundry one to Mrs. Norton. Forgot him. I was so glad of that. They got up a masquerade and he had a gay time, New Year's Eve. I didn't mean to go down having no dress, but at the last minute Mrs. Kirk remembered some old brocades and Mrs. Norton let me lace in feathers. So I dressed up as Mrs. Malaprop and sailed in with a mask on. No one knew me for I disguised my voice and no one dreamed of the silent hotting smarge, for they think I'm very stiff like most of them and so I am to whippersnappers. Could dance in dress and burst out in nice derangement of epitaphs like an allegory on the banks of the Nile. I enjoyed it very much and when we unmasked it was fun to see them stare at me. I heard one of the young men tell another that he knew I had been an actress. In fact, he thought he remembered seeing me in one of the minor theaters. Meg will relish that joke. Mr. Bear was Nick Bottom a perfect little fairy in his arms to see them dance with quite a landscape to use the teddyism. I had a very happy new year after all and when I thought it over in my room I felt as I was getting on a little spite of my many failures, for I'm tearful all the time now. Work with a will and take more interest in other people than I used to which is satisfactory. Bless you all ever your loving Joe. End of Chapter 10 Joe's Journal of Good Wives by Louisa Mayalcott This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Chapter 11, A Friend of Good Wives by Louisa Mayalcott Though very happy in the social atmosphere about her and very busy with the daily work that earned her bread and made it sweeter for the effort, Joe still found time for literary levers. The purpose which now took possession of her was a natural one to a poor and ambitious girl but the means she took to gain her ends were not the best. She saw that money conferred power, money and power therefore she resolved to have, not to be used for herself alone, but for those whom she loved more than self. The dream of filling home with comforts giving Beth everything she wanted from strawberries in the winter to an organ in her bedroom, going abroad herself and always having more than enough such she might indulge in the luxury of charity had been for years Joe's most cherished castle in the air. The prize story experience had seemed to open away which might, after long traveling and much uphill work lead to this delightful chateau and espagne. But the novel disaster crunched her courage for a time for public opinion is a giant which had frightened stout or hearted jacks on bigger bean stocks than hers. Like that immortal hero she reposed a while after the first attempt which resulted in a stumble and the least lovely of the giant's treasures, if I remember rightly but the up again and take another spirit was as strong in Joe as in Jack so she scrambled up on the shady side this time and got more booty but nearly left behind her what was far more precious than the money bags. She took to writing sensation stories for in those dark ages even all perfect America read rubbish. She told no one but concocted a thrilling tale and boldly carried it herself to Mr. Dashwood, editor of the weekly volcano. She had never read Sardar Risartis but she had a womanly instinct that clothes possesses an influence more powerful over many than the worth of character or the magic of manners. So she dressed herself in her best and trying to persuade herself that she was neither excited nor nervous bravely climbed two pairs of dark and dirty stairs to find herself in a disorderly room, a cloud of cigar smoke in the presence of three gentlemen sitting with their heels rather higher than their hats which articles of dress none of them took the trouble to remove on her appearance. Somewhat daunted by this reception Joe hesitated on the threshold murmuring in much embarrassment excuse me I was looking for the weekly volcano office I wish to see Mr. Dashwood. Down with the highest pair of heels up rose smokiest gentlemen and carefully cherishing his cigar between his fingers he advanced with a nod and accountants expresses of nothing but sleep. Feeling that she must get through the matter somehow Joe produced her manuscript and blushing redder and redder with each sentence blundered out fragments of the little speech carefully prepared for the occasion. A friend of mine desired me to offer a story just as an experiment would like your opinion be glad to write more the suits. While she blushed and blundered Mr. Dashwood had taken the manuscript and was turning over the leaves with a pair of rather dirty fingers and casting critical glances up and down the neat pages the first attempt I take it observing that the pages were numbered covered only on one side and not tied up with a ribbon sure sign of a novice no sir she's had some experience and got a prize for a tail in the Blarneystone banner did she and Mr. Dashwood gave Joe a quick look which seemed to take note of everything she had on from the bow and her bonnet to the buttons on her boots well you can leave it if you like we've more of this sort of thing on hand I don't know what to do with it present but I'll run my eye over it and give you an answer next week now Joe did not like to leave it for Mr. Dashwood didn't suit her at all but under the circumstances there was nothing for her to do but bow and walk away look in particularly tall and dignified as she was apt to do when Nettledore bashed just then she was both for was perfectly evident from the knowing glances exchanged among the gentlemen that her little fiction of my friend was considered a joke and a laugh produced by some an honorable remark of the editor as the closed door completed her discomforture half resolving never to return she went home and worked off her irritation by stitching pinafores vigorously and then the hour or two was cool enough to lap over the scene and long for next week when she went again Mr. Dashwood was alone where at she rejoiced Mr. Dashwood was much wider awake than before which was agreeable and Mr. Dashwood was not too deeply absorbed in the members manners so the second interview was much more comfortable than the first we'll take this editors never say I if you don't object to a few alterations it is too long but admitting the passages I've marked will make it just the right length he said in the business like tone Joe hardly knew her own manuscript again so crumpled and underscored where it's pages and paragraphs the feeling as tender parent might on being asked to cut off her baby's legs in order that it might fit into a new cradle and was surprised to find that all the moral reflections which she had carefully put in as ballast for much romance had been stricken out but sir I thought every story should have some sort of a moral so I took care to have a few of my sinners repent Mr. Dashwood's editorial gravity relaxed into a smile for Joe had forgotten her friend and spoken as only an author could people want to be amused not preached at you know moral nowadays which was not quite a correct statement by the way you think you would do with these alterations then yes it's a new plot and pretty well worked up language good and so on with Mr. Dashwood's affable reply what do you that is what compensation began Joe not exactly knowing how to express herself oh yes we'll give her 25 to 30 for things of this sort pay when it comes out return to Mr. Dashwood as if that point had escaped him such trifles often do escape the editorial mind it is said very well you can have it said Joe handing back the story with a satisfied air for after the dollar a column work even 25 seemed good pay shall I tell my friends you will take another if she has one better than this ask Joe unconscious of her little slip of the tongue and emboldened by her excess well we'll look at it can't promise to take it tell her to make it short and spicy and never mind the moral what name would your friend like to put to it in a careless tone not at all if you please she doesn't wish to have her name appear and has no nom de plume to Joe blushing in spite of herself just as she likes it of course the tale will be out next week will you call for the money or shall I send it ask Mr. Dashwood who felt a natural desire to know who his new contributor might be I'll call good morning sir as she departed Mr. Dashwood with a graceful mark poor and proud as usual but she'll do following Mr. Dashwood's directions in making Mrs. Northbury her model Joe rashly took a plunge into the frothy sea of sensational literature but thanks to life preserver thrown by a friend she came up again not much the worse for her ducking like most young scribblers she went abroad for her characters and scenery and Ben Diddy counts gypsies nuns and duchesses appeared upon her stage and played their parts with as much accuracy in spirit as could be expected her readers were not particular about such trifles as grammar punctuation and probability and Mr. Dashwood graciously permitted her to fill its columns at the lowest prices not thinking it necessary to tell her that the real cause of his hospitality was the fact that one of his hacks on being offered higher wages had basically left him in the lurch she soon became interested in her work where her mass-seated purse grew stout which she was making to take Beth to the mountains next summer grew slowly but surely as the weeks passed one thing disturbed her satisfaction and that was that she did not tell them at home she had a feeling that father and mother would not approve and preferred to have her own way first and beg pardon afterward it was easy to keep her secret for no name appeared with her stories Mr. Dashwood had of course found it out very soon but promised to be dumb and for wonder kept his word she thought it would do her no harm and she sincerely meant to write nothing of which she should be ashamed and quieted all pricks of conscious by anticipations of happy minute when she should show her earnings and laugh over her well-capped secret Mr. Dashwood rejected any but thrilling tales and his thrills could not be produced except by harrowing up the souls of the readers history and romance, land and sea science and art, police records and lunatic assailants had been ransacked for the purpose Joe soon found out that her innocent experience was about few glimpses of the tragic world which underlined society so regarding it in a business light she said about supplying her deficiencies with characteristic energy eager to find material for stories she bent on making them original in a plot and not masterly in execution she searched newspapers for accidents incidents and crimes she excited the suspicions of public librarians by asking for works on poisons she studied faces in the street and characters good, bad and indifferent all about her she doled in the dust of ancient times for facts or fictions so old that they were as good as new and introduced herself to folly sin and misery as well as her limited opportunities allowed she thought she was prospering finally but unconsciously she was beginning to desecrate some of the womanliest attributes of the woman's character she was living in bad society and imaginary though it was its influence has affected her for she was feeding heart and fancy it was sudden substantial food and was fast brushing the innocent bloom from her nature by a premature acquaintance with the darker side of life which comes soon enough to all of us she was beginning to feel rather than see this for much describing of other people's passions and feelings set her to studying and speculating about her own a morbid amusement in which healthy young minds do not voluntarily indulge wrongdoings always brings its own punishment and when joe most needed hers she got it I don't know whether the study of Shakespeare held her to read character or the natural instinct of a woman for what was honest brave and strong but while endowing her imaginary heroes with every perfection under the sun joe was discovering a live hero who interested in spite of her many human imperfections Mr. Bear in one of their conversations had advised her to study simple true and lovely characters wherever she found them as good training for a writer joe took him at his word for she coolly and studied him a proceeding which would have much surprised him had he known it but the worthy professor was very humble in his own conceit why everybody liked him was what puzzled joe at first he was neither rich nor great young nor handsome in no respect what is called fascinating imposing or brilliant and yet he was as attractive as genial fire and people seem to gather about him as naturally as about a warm hearth he was poor yet always appearing to be giving something away a stranger yet everybody was his friend no longer young but as happy hearted as a boy plain and peculiar yet his face looked beautiful to many and his oddities were freely forgiven for his sake joe often watched him trying to discover the charm and at last decided that it was benevolence which worked the miracle if he had any sorrow it sat with its head under its wing and he turned only his sunny side to the world there were lines upon his forehead but time soon to have touched him gently remembering how kind he was to others the pleasant curves about his mouth were the memorials of many friendly words and cheery laughs his eyes were never cold or hard and his big hand had a warm strong grasp that was more expressive than words his very clothes seemed to partake of the hospitable nature of the wear they looked as if they were at ease and liked to make him comfortable his capricious weight coast was a suggestive of a large heart underneath his rusty coat had a social air and the baggy pockets plainly proved that little hands often went empty and came out full his very boots were benevolent and his collar never stiff and raspy like other people's that's it! said joe to herself when she at length discovered that genuine goodwill toward one's fellow man could beautify and dignify even a stout German teacher who shoveled in his dinner darned his own socks and was burdened with the name of bear he knew goodness highly but she also possessed a most venomous respect for intelligence and little discovery which she made about the professor added much to her regard for him he ever spoke of himself and no one ever knew that in his native city he'd been a man much honored and esteemed for learning and integrity till the country man came to see him and in a conversation with Ms. Norton divulged the pleasing facts from her junk learned it and liked it all the better because Mr. Bear never told it he was an honored professor in Bullardin though only a poor language master in America and his homely hard-working life was much beautified by the spice of romance which this discovery gave it another and a better gift than intellect was shown her in a most unexpected manner Ms. Norton had the entry into a literary satiety which joe would have no chance of seeing but for her the solitary woman felt an interest in the ambitious girl and kindly conferred many favors of this sort both on joe she took them with her one night to a select symposium held in honor of several celebrities joe went prepared to bow down and adore the mighty ones whom she had worshipped with useful enthusiasm afar off but her reverence her genius received a severe shock that night and it took her some time to recover from the discovery that the great creatures were only men and women after all imagine her dismay on stealing a glance of timid admiration at the poet whose line suggested an ethereal being dead on spirit fire and dew to hold him devouring his supper with an ador which flushed his intellectual countenance turning as from a fallen idol she made all the discoveries which rapidly dispelled her romantic illusions the great novelist vibrated between two decanters with the regularity of a pendulum the famous divine floated openly with one of the Madame Distales of the age who looked daggers at another Corinne who was amily satirizing her after outmoving her in efforts to absorb the divine philosopher who imbibed T. Johnsonially and appeared to slumber the lequacity of the lady rendering speech impossible the scientific celebrities for getting their mollusks and glacial periods gossiped about art while devoting themselves to oysters and ices with characteristic energy the young musician who was charming the city like a second orpheus talked horses and the specimen of the British nobility present happened to be the most ordinary man of the party before the evening was half over Joe felt so completely delusion then she sat down in a corner to recover herself Mr. Bayer soon joined her looking rather out of his element and presently several of the philosophers each mounted on his hobby came ambling up to hold an intellectual tournament in the recess the conversation was miles beyond Joe's comprehension but she enjoyed it though counten hegel or unknown gods subjective and objective unintelligible terms and the only thing all from her inner consciousness was a bad headache after it was all over it dawned upon her gradually that the world was being picked to pieces and put together on new and according to the talkers on infinitely better principles than before that religion was in a fair way to be reasoned into nothingness and the intellect was to be the only god Joe knew nothing about philosophy or metaphysics of any sort but a curious excitement half pleasurable half painful came over her as she listened with a sense of being turned drift into time and space like a young balloon out on a holiday she looked round to see how the professor liked it and found him looking at her with the grimace expression she'd ever seen him wear he shook his head and beckoned her to come away but she was fascinated just then by the freedom of speculative philosophy and kept her seat trying to find out what the wise gentlemen intended to rely upon after they had annihilated all the old beliefs now Mr. Bayer was a different man and slowly offered his own opinions but not because they were unsettled but too sincere and earnest to be lightly spoken as he glanced from Joe to several other young people attracted by the brilliancy of the philosophic pyrotechnics he knit his brows and longed to speak during that some inflambable young soul would be led astray by the rockets to find when the display was over that they had only an empty stick or scorched hand he bored as long as he could but when he was appealed to for an opinion he blazed up with honest indignation and a defended religion with all the eloquence of truth an eloquence which made his broken English musical in his plain face beautiful he had a hard fight for the wise men argued well but he didn't know when he was beaten instead to his colors like a man somehow as he talked the world got riding into Joe the old beliefs that had lasted so long seemed better than the new God was not a blind for us an immortality was not a pretty fable but a blessed fact she felt as if she had solid ground under her feet again and when Mr. Bear paused out talked but not one wit convinced Joe wanted to clap her hands and thank him she didn't either but she remembered the scene and gave the professor her heartiest respect for she knew it cost him an effort to speak out then and there because his conscience would not let him be silent she began to see the character as a better possession and money rank intellect or beauty and feel that if greatness is what a wise man has been the truth reverence and goodwill that her friend Frederick Bear was not only good but great this belief strengthened daily she valued his esteem she coveted his respect she wanted to be worthy of his friendship and just when the wish was sincerest she came near losing everything it all grew out of a cocked hat for one evening the professor came in to give Joe her lesson with a paper solidary cap on his head which Tina had put there and he had forgotten to take it off it's evident he doesn't look in the glass before coming down but Joe with a smile as he said good evening and sat soberly down quite unconscious of the ludicrous contrast between his subject and his headgear he was going to read to her the death of Wallenstein she said nothing at first for she liked to hear him laugh out his big hearty laugh when anything funny happened so she let him to discover for himself and presently forgot all about it for to hear a German read Schiller his rather an absorbing application after the reading came the lesson which was a lively one for Joe was in a gay mood that night and the cocked hat kept her eye dancing with merriment the professor didn't know what to make of her and stopped at last to ask with an air of mild surprise that was irresistible for what do you laugh in your master's face have few no respect for me then you go on so bad how can I be respectful sir when you forget to take your hat off said Joe lifting his hand to his head and the professor gravely felt and removed the little cocked hat looked at it a minute and then threw back his head in a laugh like a married bascule I see now is that imp Tina who makes me a fool with my cap well it is nothing but see you this lesson goes not well you shall wear him too but the lesson did not go at all for a few minutes because Mr. Bear cut sight of a picture on the hat and unfolding it said with an air of great disgust I wish these papers did not come in the house they are not for children to see nor young people to read it is not well and I have no patience with those who make this harm Joe glanced at the sheet and saw a pleasing illustration composed of a lunatic a corpse a villain and a viper she did not like it but the impulse that made her turn it over was not one of displeasure but fear because for a minute she fancied the paper with the volcano it was not however and her panic subsided as she remembered that even if it had been one of her own tales in it there would have been no name to betray her she had betrayed herself however by a look and a blush for though an absent man the professor saw a good deal more than people fancied he knew that Joe wrote and had met her down among the newspaper offices more than once but as she never spoke of it he asked no questions in spite of a strong desire to see her work now it occurred to him that she was doing what she was ashamed to own and troubled him he did not say to himself it is none of my business I have no right to say anything as many people would have done he only remembered that she was young and poor a girl far away from mother's love and father's care he was moved to help her with an impulse as quick and natural as that which would prompt him to put out his hand to save a baby from a puddle all this flashed through his mind in a minute but not a trace of it appeared on a safe by the time the paper was turned and Joe's needle threaded he was ready to say quite naturally but very greatly yes you're right to put it from you I do not like to think that good young girl should see such things they're made pleasant to some but I would more rather give my boys gunpowder to play with in this bad trash all may not be bad only silly you know and if there's a demand for it I don't see any harm in supplying it many very respectable people make an honest living out of what are called sensation stories said Joe scratching gathers so energetically that a row of little slits followed her pen there is a demand for whiskey but I think you and I do not care to sell it the respectable people knew what harm they did they would not feel that the living was honest they have no right to put poison in the sugar plum and let the small ones eat it no they should think a little and sweet mud in the street before they do this thing Mr. Bear spoke warmly and walked to the fire crumpling paper in his hands Joe still sat looking as if the fire had come to her for her cheeks burned long after the cocked hat had turned to smoke and gone harmlessly up the chimney I should like much to send all the rest after him one of the professor coming back with a relieved air Joe thought what a blaze her pile of papers upstairs would make and her hard earned money lay rather heavily on her conscience at that minute then she thought consolingly to herself mind or not like that they're only silly never bad so don't be worried taking up her book she said with a studio face shall we go on sir I'll be very good and proper now I shall hope so was all he said but he meant more than he imagined and the grave kind look he gave her made her feel as if the words weekly volcano were printed in large type on her forehead as soon as she went to her room she got her papers and carefully reread every one of her stories being a little short-sighted Mr. Bear sometimes used eyeglasses and Joe had tried them once smiling and see how they magnified the fine print of her book now she seemed to have got onto the professor's mental or moral spectacles also for the faults of these poor stories glared at her dreadfully and filled her with smay they are trash and will soon be the worst in trash if I go on for each more sensational than last I've gone blindly on hurting myself and other people for the sake of money I know it's so for I can't read the stuff and sober earnest without being horribly ashamed of it what should I do if they were seen at home or Mr. Bear got a hold of them Joe turned hot at the bear idea and stuffed the whole bundle in her stove nearly setting the chimney in fire with the blaze yes that's the best place for such inflammable nonsense I'd better burn the house down I suppose and let other people blow themselves up with my gunpowder she thought as she watched the demon of the juror whisk away little black cinder with fiery eyes but when nothing remained of all her three months work except a heap of ashes and the money in her lap Joe looked sober as she sat on the floor wondering what she ought to do about her wages I think I haven't done much harm yet and may keep this to pay for my time she said after a long meditation adding impatiently I almost wish I hadn't any conscience it's so inconvenient if I didn't care about doing right and didn't feel uncomfortable when doing wrong I should get on capital I can't help wishing sometimes that father and mother hadn't been so particular about such things Joe instead of wishing that thank God that father and mother were particular and pity from your heart those who have no such guardians to hedge them around with principles which may seem like prison walls to impatient youth but which will prove sure foundations to build character upon womanhood Joe wrote no more sensational stories deciding that the money did not pay for her share of the sensation but going to the other extreme as is the way with people of her stamp she took a course of Miss Sherwood, Miss Edwood and Hannah Moore it was a tale which might have been more properly called an essay or sermon so intensely moral was it she had her doubts about it from the beginning for her lively fancy and girlish romance fell as ill at ease in the new style as she would have done masquerading in the stiff and converse costume of last century she sent this didactic gym to several markets but it found no purchaser and she was inclined to agree with Mr. Dashwood that morals didn't sell then she tried a child story that she could easily have disposed of if she had not been mercenary enough to demand filthy look for it the only person who offered enough to make it worth her while to try juvenile literature was a worthy gentleman who felt it his mission to convert all the world to his particular belief but much as she liked to write for children Joe could not consent to depict all her naughty boys as being eaten by bears or tossed by mad bulls because they did not go to a particular Sabbath school nor all the good infants who did go as rewarded as bliss from gilded gingerbread to escorts of angels when they departed this life with psalms or sermons on their listening tongues so nothing came of these trials and Joe corked up her ink stand and said in a fit of very wholesome humility I don't know anything I'll wait till I do before I try again and meantime sweet bud in the street if I can't do better that's honest at least which decision proved that her second tumble down the beanstalk had done her some good while these internal revolutions were going on her external life had been as busy and uneventful as usual and if she sometimes looked serious or a little sad no one observed it per Professor Baer he did it so quietly that Joe never knew he was watching to see if she would accept and profit by the his reproof but she stood the test and he was satisfied for though no words passed between them he knew that she had given up writing not only did he guess it by the fact that the second finger of her right hand was no longer inky she spent her evenings downstairs now was met no more among newspaper offices instead with a dogged patience which assured him that she was bent on occupying her mind with something useful if not pleasant he helped her in many ways providing himself a true fan and Joe was happy for while her penly idle she was learning other lessons besides German and laying a foundation for the sensation stories of her own life it was a pleasant winter and a long one but she did not leave Mrs. Kirk till June sorry when the time came the children were inconsolable and Mr. Baer's hair stuck straight up all over his head for he was always rumbled it wildly when disturbed in mind going home ah you are happy that you have a home to go in he said when she told him and sat silently pulling his beard in the corner while she held a little levy on the last evening she was going early so she bade them all good bye overnight and when his turn came she said warmly now sir you won't forget to come and see us if you ever travel our way will you I'll never forgive you if you do for I want them all to know my friend do you shall I come he asked looking down at her with an eager expression which she did not see yes come next month Lori graduates then and you'd enjoy commencement as something new that is your best friend of whom you speak he said in altered tone yes my boy Teddy I'm very proud of him and should like you to see him Joe looked up quite unconscious of anything but her own pleasure in the prospect of showing them to one another something in Mr. Bear's face suddenly recall the fact that she might find Lori more than a best friend and simply because she particularly wish not to look as if anything was the matter she involuntarily began to blush and the more she tried not to the redder she grew if it had not been for Tina on her knees she didn't know what would have become of her fortunately the child was moved hug her so she managed to hide her face an instant hoping the professor did not see it but he did and his own changed again from that momentary anxiety to his usual expression as he said cordially I fear I shall not make the time for that but I wish the friend much success and you all happiness God bless you and with that he shook hands warmly shoulder Tina and went away but after the boys were a bed he sat long before his fire with a tired look on his face and the highway or homesickness lying heavy at his heart once when he remembered Joe as she sat with his little child in her lap and that new softness in her face he leaned his head on his hands a minute and then roamed about the room as in search of something that he could not find it is not for me I must not hope it now he said to himself with a sigh that was almost a grown then as if approaching himself for the longing that he could not repress he went and kissed the two tousled heads upon the pillow Selden used Mirsham and opened his play dough he did his best and did it manfully but I don't think that he found that a pair of rampant boys a pipe or even a divine play dough were very satisfactory substitutes for wife and child at home early as it was he was at the station next morning to see Joe off and thanks to him to begin her solitary journey with a pleasant memory of the familiar face smiling it's for well a bunch of violets to keep her company and happy thought well the winter's gone and I've written no books or no fortune but I've made a friend with having and I'll try to keep him all my life end of chapter 11 this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org chapter 12 heartache of good wives by Louis Mayalkot whatever his motive might have been Laura studied to some purpose that year graduated with honor and gave Latin oration with the grace of a Philips and the eloquence of a demo scene so his friend said they were all there his grandfather oh so proud Mr. and Miss March John Meg Joe and Beth and all exalted over him with a sincere admiration which boys make light of at the time but failed to win from the world by any after triumphs I've got to say for this confounded supper but I shall be home early tomorrow you come and meet us as usual girls Laurie said as he put the sisters into the carriage after the joys of the day were over he said girls but meant Joe but she was the only one who kept up the old custom she had not had the heart to refuse her splendid successful boy anything in any absurd warmly I'll come Teddy Rainer shine in March before you playing hail the conquering hero comes on a June's harp Laurie thanked her with a look that made her think in a sudden panic oh dear me I know he'll say something and then what shall I do evening meditation and morning walks somewhat elade her fears and having decided that she wouldn't be vain enough to think people were going to pose when she had given them every reason to know what her answer would be she set forth at the appointed time hoping Teddy wouldn't do anything to make her hurt his poor little feelings a call at Meg's and a refreshing sniff and sip at the daisy and dimmy John so further fortified her for the tet a tet but when she saw a stalwart figure looming the distance she had a strong desire to turn about and run away whereas the Jews heart Joe cried Laurie as soon as he was within speaking distance I forgot it and Joe took heart again for the salutation could not be called lover like she always used to take his arm on these occasions now she did not and he made no complaint which was a bad sign but talked on rapidly about all sorts of fairway subjects so they turned from the road into the little path that led homeward through the grove then he walked more slowly suddenly lost his fine flow of language and now and then a dreadful pause occurred to rescue the conversation from one of the wells of silence into which it kept falling Joe said hastily you must have a good long holiday I intend to something in his resolute tone made Joe look up quickly to find him looking down at her with an expression that assured her the dreaded moment had come and made her put out her hand with an echoing no teddy please don't I will and you must hear me it's no use Joe we've got to have it out and the sooner the better for both of us he answered getting flushed and excited all at once say what you like then I'll listen said Joe with a desperate sort of patience Laurie was a young lover but he was an earnest and meant to have it out if he died in the attempt so he plunged into the subject with characteristic impetuacy saying in a voice that would get choking now and in spite of manual efforts to keep it steady I've loved you ever since I've known you Joe couldn't help it you've been so good to me I've tried to show it but you wouldn't let me now I'm going to make you here and give me an answer for I can't go so any longer wanted to save you this I thought you'd understand began Joe finding great deal harder than she expected I know you did the girls are so queer and you never know what they mean they say I know what they mean yes and drove a man out of his mind just for the fun of it returned Laurie and trenching himself behind an undeniable fact I don't I never wanted to make you care for me so and I want always to keep you from it if I could I thought so it was like you but it was no use I only loved you all the more and I worked hard to please you and I gave up billions of and everything you didn't like and waited and never complained for I'd hoped you'd love me but I'm not half good enough here there was a choke that couldn't be controlled so he decapitated better cut so all he cleared this confounded throat you you are a great deal too good for me and I'm so grateful to you and so proud and fond of you I don't see why I can't love you as you want me to I've tried but I can't change the feeling and it would be a lie to say I do when I don't really truly Joe he stopped short and caught both her hands as he put his question the look that she did not soon forget really truly dear they were in the grove now close by the style and when the last words fell reluctantly from Joe's lips Lori dropped her hands and turned as if to go on for once in his life that fence was too much for him so he just laid his head down on the mossy post and stood so still that Joe was frightened oh Teddy I'm so sorry so desperately sorry I could kill myself it would do any good I wish you wouldn't take it so hard I can't help it you know it's impossible for people to make themselves love people they don't cry Joe and negligent but remorsefully as she softly patted his shoulder remembering the time when he'd comforted her so long ago they do sometimes sit a muffled voice from the post I don't believe it's the right sort of love and I'd rather not try it than the decided answer there was a long pause when the Blackbird sunbed lightly on the Willow Beather River and the tall grass rustled in the wind presently Joe said very soberly as she sat down on the steps of the style Lori I want to tell you something he started as if he had been shot threw his head and cried out in a fierce torn don't tell me that Joe I can't bear it now tell what she asked wondering in his violence that you love an old man what old man demanded Joe thinking he must mean his grandfather that devilish professor you were always writing about if you say you love him I know I shall do something desperate and he looked as if he would keep his word as he clenched his hands with a wrathful spark in his eye Joe wanted to laugh but restrained herself and said warmly for she too was getting excited with all this don't swear Teddy he isn't old nor anything bad but good and kind and the best friend you pray don't fly into a passion I want to be kind but I know I shall get angry if you be bruised my professor I haven't the least idea of loving him or anybody else but you will after a while and then what will become of me he'll love somebody else too like a sensible boy and forget all this trouble I can't love anyone else and I'll never forget you Joe never never with a stamped emphasize his passionate words what shall I do with him side Joe finding the emotions were more unmanageable than she expected you haven't heard what I wanted to tell you sit down and listen for indeed I want to do right and make you happy she said hoping to soothe him with a little reason which proved that she knew nothing about love seeing a ray of hope in that last speech Lori threw himself down on the grass of her feet leaned his arm on the lower step of the style and looked at her with an expectant face now that arrangement was not conducive to Colin's speech or clear thought on Joe's part for how could she say hard things to her boy boy he watched her with eyes full of love and longing lashes still wet with the bitter drop or two of her hardness of heart had rung from him she gently turned his head away saying as she stroked the wavy hair which had been allowed to grow for her sake how touching that was to be sure I agree with mother that you and I are not suited to each other because our quick tempers and strong wheels would probably make us very miserable if we were so foolish as to Joe paused a little over the last word but Lori uttered it with a rapturous expression Mary no we shouldn't if you loved me Joe I should be perfect saint for you could make me anything you like no I can't I've tried it and failed and I won't risk our happiness by such a serious experiment we don't agree and we never shall so we'll be good friends all our life but we won't go and do anything rash yes we will if we get the chance muttered Lori rebelliously now do be reasonable and take a sensible view of the case and pour Joe almost at her wit's end I won't be reasonable I don't want to take what you call a sensible view it won't help me and it only makes you harder I don't believe you have any heart I wish I hadn't there was a little quiver in Joe's voice and thinking at a good omen Lori turned around bringing all his persuasive powers to bear as he said in the weed some tone that had never been so dangerously wield some before don't disappoint us dear everyone expects it grandpa said it's hard upon it your people like it and I can't get on without you say you will and let us be happy do do not until months afterwards did Joe understand Lori had the strength of mind to hold fast to the real resolution she had made when she decided that she did not love her boy and never could it was very hard to do but she did it knowing that delay was both useless and cruel I can't say yes truly so I won't say it at all you'll see that I'm right by and by and thank me for it she began solemnly I'll be hanged if I do and Lori bounced off the grouse burning with indignation at the bear idea yes you will persisted Joe you'll get over this after a while and find some lovely accomplished girl who will adore you and make a fine mistress for your fine house I shouldn't I'm homely and awkward and odd and old and you'd be ashamed of me and we should quarrel we can't help it even now you see and I shouldn't like elegance anxiety and you would you'd hate my scribbling and I couldn't get on without it and we should be unhappy and wish we hadn't done it and everything would be horrid anything more as Lori finding it hard to listen patiently to this prophetic burst nothing more except that I don't believe I shall ever marry I'm happy as I am and love my liberty too well to be in any hurry to give it up for any mortal man I know better broken Lori you think so now but there'll come a time when you will care for somebody and you'll love him tremendously and live and die for him I know you will it's your way and I shall have to stand by and see it and the sparing lovers cast his hat upon the ground with a gesture that will seem comical his face had not been so tragic yes I will live and die for him it becomes and makes me love him in spite of myself and you must do the best you can cry Joe losing patience with poor Teddy I've done my best but you won't be reasonable and it's selfish of you to keep teasing for what I can't give I shall always be fond of you very fond indeed as a friend but I'll never marry you and the sooner you believe it the better for both of us so now that speech was like fired to gunpowder Lori looked at her a minute as if he did not know quite what to do with himself then turned sharply away saying in a desperate sort of tone you'll be sorry someday Joe oh where are you going she cried for his face frightened her to the devil was the consoling answer for a minute Joe's heart stood still as he swung himself down the bank towards the river but takes much folly sin or misery to send a young man to a violent death and Laura was not one of the weak sort who are conquered by a single failure he had no thought of a melodromic plunge but some blind instinct led him to fling his hat and coat into his boat and row away with all his might making better time of the river than he had done in many a race Joe drew a long breath and unclasped her hands as she watched the poor fellow trying to outstrip the trouble which he carried in his heart that will do him some good and he'll come home in such a tender penitent state of mind that I shan't dare to see him she said adding as she went slowly home feeling as if she had murdered some innocent thing and buried it under the leaves now I must go and prepare Mr. Lawrence to be very kind to my poor boy I wish he'd love Beth perhaps he may in time but I began to think I was mistaken about her oh dear how can girls like to have lovers or refuse them I think it's dreadful being sure that no one could do it so well as herself she went straight to Mr. Lawrence told the hard story bravely through and then broke down crying so dismally over her own insensibility that the kind old gentleman though sorely disappointed did not utter a reproach he found it difficult to understand how any girl could help loving Lori and hope she would change her mind but he knew even better than Joe that love cannot be forced so he shook his head sadly and resolved to carry his boy out of harm's way for young impetuous these parting words to Joe disturbed him more than he would confess when Lori came home dead tired but quite composed his grandfather met him as if he knew nothing and kept up the delusion very successfully for an hour or two but when they sat together in the twilight the time they used to enjoy so much it was hard work for the old man to ramble on the usual and harder still for the young one to listen to the praises of last year's success which to him now seemed love's labor lost he bore it as long as he could then went to his piano and began to play the windows were open and Joe walking in the garden with Beth for once understood music better than her sister before he played the song under a pathetic and played it as he never did before that's very fine I dare say but it's sad enough to make one cry of something gay or lad said Mr. Lawrence whose kind old heart was full of sympathy which he longed to show but knew not how Lori dashed into a livelier strain played stormily for several minutes and would have gotten through bravely if a momentary lull Mrs. March voice had not been here calling Joe dear come in I want you just what Lori longed to say with a different meaning as he listened he lost his place the music ended with a broken chord and the music just sat silently in the dark I can't stand this mother the old gentleman up he got groped his way to the piano laid a kind hand on either of the broad shoulders and said as gentle as a woman I know my boy I know no answer for an instant then Lori asked sharply who told you Joe herself and there's an end of it and he shook off his grandfather's hand with an impatient motion for though grateful for the sympathy his pride could not bear a man's pity not quite I want to say one thing and then there should be an end of it return Mr. Lawrence with unusual mildness you won't care to stay at home just now perhaps I don't intend to run away from a girl Joe can't prevent my seeing her and I shall stay and do so as long as I like interrupted Lori in a defiant tone not if you're the gentleman I think I'm disappointed but the girl can't help it and the only thing left for you to do is to go away for a time wherever you go anywhere I don't care what becomes of me and Lori got up with a reckless laugh that grated on his grandfather's ear take it like a man and don't do anything rash for goodness sake why not go abroad as you planned and forget it I can't but you've been wild to go and promised you should when you go through college but I didn't mean to go alone and Lori walked faster the room with an expression which it was well I did not see I don't ask you to go alone there's someone ready and glad to go with you who sir stopping to listen myself Lori came back as quickly as he went and put out his hand saying huskily I'm a selfish brute you know grandfather oh help me yes I do know for I've been through it all before once in my own young days and then with your father now my dear boy just sit quietly down and hear my plan and can be carried out at once said Mr. Lawrence keeping hold of the young man as if fearful that he would break away what his father had done before him well sir what is it and Lori sat down without a sign of interest in his face or voice there's business in London that needs looking after I meant you should tend to it but I can do it better myself and things here will get along very well with Brooke to manage them my partners do almost everything I'm merely holding on until you take my place take me off at any time but you hate traveling sir I can't ask it of you at your age begin Lori who was grateful for the sacrifice but much preferred to go alone if you went at all the old gentleman knew that perfectly well and particularly desired to prevent it for the mood in which he found his grandson assured him that it would be not wise to leave him to his own devices so stifling a natural regret at the thought of the home comforts he would leave behind him he said stoutly bless your soul I'm not superannuated yet I quite enjoy the idea will do me good and my old bones won't suffer for traveling nowadays is almost as easy as sitting in a chair a restless movement from Lori suggested that his chair was not easy or that he did not like the plan and made the old gentleman at hastily I don't mean to be a merit pilot or a burden I go because I think you'd feel happier than if I was left behind I don't intend to get about with you but leave you free to go where you like while I amuse myself in my own way I have friends in London in Paris and should like to visit them meantime you can go to Italy, Germany and Switzerland where you will enjoy pictures, music, scenery and adventures to your heart's content now Lori felt just then that his heart was entirely broken in the world a howling wilderness but at the sound of certain words which the old gentleman artfully introduced into the closing sentence the broken heart gave an unexpected leap and a green oasis or two suddenly appeared in the howling wilderness just as you like it sir it doesn't matter where I go or what I do it does to me remember that my lad, I give you entire liberty but I trust you to make honest use of it promise me that Lori anything you like sir good, thought the old gentleman you don't care now but there will come a time when that promise will keep you out of mischief or I am much mistaken being an energetic individual Mr. Lawrence struck while the iron was hot and before the blighted being recovered spirit enough to rebel they were off during the time necessary for preparation Lori bore himself as a young gentleman usually due in such cases he was moody, irritable and pensive by turns lost his appetite, neglected his dress and devoted much time to playing tempestuously on his piano avoided Joe but consoled himself by staring at her from his window with a tragic face that haunted her dreams by night and oppressed her with a heavy sense of guilt by day unlike some sufferers he never spoke of his unrequited passion and would allow no one, not even Miss March to attempt consolation or offer sympathy on some accounts this was a relief to his friends but the weeks before his departure were very uncomfortable and everyone rejoiced that the poor dear fellow was going away to forget his trouble and come home happy of course he smiled darkly at their delusion but passed it by with sad superiority of one who knew that his fidelity like his love was unaltered when the parting came he effected high spirits to conceal certain inconvenient motions which seemed inclined to assert themselves this gady did not impose upon anybody but they tried to look as if it did for his sake and he got on very well to Miss March kissed him with a whisper full of motherly solitude then feeling that he was going very fast he hastily embraced them all around not forgetting the afflicted Hannah it ran downstairs as if for his life to him if he looked round he did not look round came back put his arm about her as she stood on the step above him and looked up at her with a face that made his short appeal both eloquent and pathetic oh Joe can't you Teddy dear I wish I could that was all except a little pause then Lori straightened himself up and said it's alright never mind went away without another word but it wasn't alright and Joe did mind for while the curly head lay on her arm a minute after her hard answer she felt as if she had stabbed her dearest friend and when he left her without a look behind him she knew that the boy Lori never would come again end of chapter 12 chapter 13 of Good Wives this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org recording by Arielle Lipshaw Good Wives by Louisa Mayalkott chapter 13 Beth's Secret when Joe came home that spring she had been struck with the change in Beth no one spoke of it or seemed aware of it for it had come too gradually to startle those who saw her daily but to eyes sharpened by absence it was very plain and a heavy weight fell on Joe's heart as she saw her sister's face it was no paler and but a little thinner than in the autumn yet there was a strange transparent look about it as if the mortal was being slowly refined away and the immortal shining through the frail flesh with an indescribably pathetic beauty Joe saw and felt it but said nothing at the time and soon the first impression lost much of its power for Beth seemed happy and appeared to doubt that she was better and presently in other cares Joe for a time forgot her fear but when Laurie was gone and peace prevailed again the vague anxiety returned and haunted her she had confessed her sins and been forgiven but when she showed her savings and proposed a mountain trip Beth had thanked her heartily but begged not to go so far away from home another little visit to the seashore was much better and as grandma could not be prevailed upon to leave the babies Joe took Beth down to the quiet place where she could live much in the open air and let the fresh sea breezes blow a little color into her pale cheeks it was not a fashionable place but even among the pleasant people there the girls made few friends preferring to live for one another Beth was too shy to enjoy society and Joe too wrapped up in her to care for anyone else so they were all in all to each other and came and went quite unconscious of the interest they excited in those about them who watched with sympathetic eyes the strong sister and the feeble one always together as if they felt instinctively that a long separation was not far away they did feel it yet neither spoke of it for often between ourselves and those nearest and dearest to us there exists a reserve which is very hard to overcome Joe felt as if a veil had fallen between her heart and Beth's but when she put out her hand to lift it up there seemed something sacred in the silence and she waited for Beth to speak she wondered and was thankful also that her parents did not seem to see what she saw and during the quiet weeks when the shadows grew so plain to her she said nothing of it to those at home believing that it would tell itself when Beth came back no better she wondered still more if her sister really guessed the hard truth and what thoughts were passing through her mind during the long hours when she lay on the warm rocks with her head in Joe's lap while the winds blew healthfully over her and the sea made music at her feet one day Beth told her Joe thought she was asleep she lay so still and putting down her book sat looking at her with wistful eyes trying to see signs of hope in the faint color on Beth's cheeks but she could not find enough to satisfy her for the cheeks were very thin and the hands seemed too feeble to hold even the rosy little shells they had been collecting it came to her then more bitterly than ever that Beth was slowly drifting away from her and her arms instinctively tightened their hold upon the dearest treasure she possessed for a minute her eyes were too dim for seeing and when they cleared Beth was looking up at her so tenderly that there was hardly any need for her to say Joe, dear I'm glad you know it I've tried to tell you but I couldn't there was no answer except her sister's cheek against her own not even tears for when most deeply moved Joe did not cry she was the weaker then and Beth tried to comfort and sustain her with her arms about her and the soothing words she whispered in her ear I've known it for a good while, dear and now I'm used to it it isn't hard to think of or to bear try to see it so and don't be troubled about me because it's best indeed it is is this what made you so unhappy in the autumn, Beth? you did not feel it then and keep it to yourself so long, did you? asked Joe refusing to see or say that it was best but glad to know that Lori had no part in Beth's trouble yes, I gave up hoping then but I didn't like to own it I tried to think it was a sick fancy and would not let it trouble anyone but when I saw you all so well and strong and full of happy plans it was hard to feel that I could never be like you and then I was miserable, Joe oh, Beth, and you didn't tell me? didn't let me comfort and help you? how could you shut me out? bear it all alone Joe's voice was full of tender reproach and her heart ached to think of the solitary struggle that must have gone on and Beth learned to say goodbye to health, love, and life and take up her cross so cheerfully perhaps it was wrong but I tried to do right I wasn't sure no one said anything and I hoped I was mistaken it would have been selfish to frighten you all when Marmy was so anxious about Meg and Amy away and you so happy with Lori at least I thought so then and I thought you loved him, Beth and I went away because I couldn't cry, Joe, glad to say all the truth Beth looked so amazed at the idea that Joe smiled in spite of her pain and added softly then you didn't, Deary I was afraid it was so and imagined your poor little heart full of love-lornity all that while why, Joe, how could I when he was so fond of you asked Beth as innocently as a child I do love him, dearly he is so good to me how can I help it but he could never be anything to me but my brother I hope he truly will be some time not through me, said Joe decidedly Amy is left for him and they would suit excellently but I have no heart for such things now I don't care what becomes of anybody but you, Beth, you must get well I want to oh, so much I try, but every day I lose a little and feel more sure that I shall never gain it back it's like the tide, Joe when it turns it goes slowly but it can't be stopped it shall be stopped your tide must not turn so soon nineteen is too young, Beth I can't let you go I'll work and pray and fight against it I'll keep you in spite of everything there must be ways it can't be too late God won't be so cruel as to take you from me cried poor Joe rebelliously for her spirit was far less piously submissive than Beth's simple, sincere people tell them speak much of their piety it shows itself in acts rather than in words and has more influence than homilies or protestations Beth could not reason upon or explain the faith that gave her courage and patience to give up life and cheerfully wait for death like a confiding child she asked no questions but left everything to God and nature father and mother of us all feeling sure that they could teach and strengthen heart and spirit for this life and the life to come she did not rebuke Joe with saintly speeches only loved her better for her passionate affection and clung more closely to the dear human love from which our father never means us to be weaned but through which he draws us closer to himself she could not say I'm glad to go for life was very sweet for her she could only sob out to be willing while she held fast to Joe as the first bitter wave of this great sorrow broke over them together by and by Beth said with recovered serenity you'll tell them this when we go home I think they will see it without words side Joe for now it seemed to her that Beth changed every day perhaps not I've heard that the people who love best are often blindest to such things so if you see it you will tell them for me I don't want any secrets and it's kinder to prepare them Meg has John and the babies to comfort her but you must stand by father and mother won't you Joe if I can but Beth I don't give up yet I'm going to believe that it is a sick fancy and not let you think it's true said Joe trying to speak cheerfully Beth lay a minute thinking and then said in her quiet way I don't know how to express myself and shouldn't try to anyone but you because I can't speak out except to my Joe I only mean to say that I have a feeling that it never was intended I should live long I'm not like the rest of you I never made any plans about what I do when I grew up I never thought of being married as you all did I couldn't seem to imagine myself anything but stupid little Beth trotting about at home of no use anywhere but there I go away and the hard part now is the leaving you all I'm not afraid but it seems as if I should be homesick for you even in heaven Joe could not speak and for several minutes there was no sound but the sigh of the wind and the lapping of the tide a white winged gull flew by with the flash of sunshine on its silvery breast Beth watched it till it vanished and her eyes were full of sadness a little gray-coated sandbird came tripping over the beach peeping softly to itself as if enjoying the sun and sea it came quite close to Beth and looked at her with a friendly eye and sat upon a warm stone dressing its wet feathers quite at home Beth smiled and felt comforted for the tiny things seemed to offer its small friendship and remind her that a pleasant world was still to be enjoyed dear little bird how tame it is I like peeps better than the gulls they are not so wild and handsome but they seem happy confiding little things I used to call them my birds last summer and mother said they reminded her of me busy Quaker colored creatures always near the shore and always chirping that contented little song of theirs you are the gull Joe strong and wild fond of the storm and the wind flying far out to sea and happy all alone and Amy is like the lark she writes about trying to get up among the clouds but always dropping down into its nest again dear little girl she's so ambitious but her heart is good and tender and no matter how high she flies she never will forget home I hope I shall see her again but she seems so far away she is coming in the spring and I mean that you shall be all ready to see and enjoy her I'm going to have you well and rosy by that time began Joe feeling that of all the changes in Beth the talking change was the greatest for it seemed to cost no effort now and she thought aloud in a way quite unlike bashful Beth Joe dear don't hope anymore it won't do any good I'm sure of that we won't be miserable but enjoy being together while we wait we'll have happy times for I don't suffer much and I think the tide will go out easily if you help me Joe leaned down to kiss the tranquil face and with that silent kiss she dedicated herself soul and body to Beth she was right there was no need of any words when they got home for father and mother saw plainly now what they had prayed to be saved from seeing tired with her short journey Beth went at once to bed saying how glad she was to be home and when Joe went down she found that she would be spared the hard task of telling Beth a secret her father stood leaning his head on the mantelpiece and did not turn as she came in but her mother stretched out her arms as if for help and Joe went to comfort her without a word End of Chapter 13 Recording by Arielle Lipschaw in New York City Chapter 14 of Good Wives This is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Good Wives by Louisa Mae Alcott Chapter 14 New Impressions At three o'clock in the afternoon all the fashionable world at Nice may be seen on the Promenade des Anglais a charming place for the wide walk bordered with palms, flowers and tropical shrubs is bounded on one side by the sea on the other by the Grand Drive linked with hotels and villas while beyond lie orange orchards and the hills Many nations are represented many languages spoken many costumes worn and on a sunny day the spectacle is as gay and brilliant as a carnival Hotty English, lively French Sauber Germans handsome Spaniards ugly Russians meek Jews free and easy Americans all drive and sit or saunter here chatting over the news and criticizing the latest celebrity who has arrived Restory or Dickens Victor Emmanuel or the Queen of the Sandwich Islands The equipages are as varied as the company and attract as much attention as the Marouches in which ladies drive themselves with a pair of dashing ponies gay nets to keep their voluminous flounces from overflowing the diminutive vehicles and little grooms on the perch behind Along this walk on Christmas Day a tall young man walked slowly with his hands behind him and a somewhat absent expression of countenance He looked like an Italian was dressed like an Englishman and had the independent air of an American A combination which caused sundry pairs of feminine eyes to look approvingly after him and sundry dandies in black velvet suits with rose colored neckties buff gloves and orange flowers in their buttonholes to shrug their shoulders and then envy him his inches There were plenty of pretty faces to admire but the young man took little notice of them except to glance now and then at some blonde girl in blue Presently he strolled out of the promenade and stood a moment at the crossing as if undecided whether to go and listen to the band in the Jardine public or to wander along the beach toward Caso Hill A quick trot of ponies feet made him look up as one of the little carriages containing a single young lady came rapidly down the street The lady was young blonde and dressed in blue He stared a minute then his whole face woke up and waving his hat like a boy he hurried forward to meet her Oh, Larry! Is it really you? I thought you had never come cried Annie dropping the reins and holding out both hands to the great scandalization of a French mama who hastened her daughter's steps and she should be demoralized by beholding the free manners of these mad English I was detained by the way but I promised to spend Christmas with you and here I am How is your grandfather? When did you come? Where are you staying? Very well last night at the Chauvet I called your hotel but you were out What can I say? I don't know where to begin Get in and we can talk at our ease I was going for a drive and longing for company Flows saving up for tonight What happens then? A ball? A Christmas party at our hotel There are many Americans there and they give it in honor of the day You'll go with us, of course Haunt will be charmed Thank you Where now? Asked Laurie, leaning back and folding his arms a proceeding which suited Amy who preferred to drive for her parasol whip and blue reins over the white pony's backs afforded her infinite satisfaction I'm going to the bankers first for letters and then to Castle Hill The view is so lovely and I like to feed the peacocks Have you ever been there? Often, years ago but I don't mind having a look at it Now tell me all about yourself The last I heard of you your grandfather wrote that he expected you from Berlin Yes I spent a month there and then joined him in Paris where he has settled for the winter he has friends there and finds plenty to amuse him so I go and come and we got on capitally said Amy missing something in Laurie's manner though she couldn't tell what Why, you see he hates to travel and I hate to keep still so we each suit ourselves and there is no trouble I am often with him and he enjoys my adventures while I like to feel that someone is glad to see me when I get back from my wanderings Dirty old hole, isn't it? He added with a look of disgust as they drove along the boulevage to the Place Napoleon in the old city The dirt is picturesque so I don't mind the river and the hills are delicious and these glimpses of the narrow cross streets are my delight Now we shall have to wait for that procession to pass it's going to the church of St. John While Laurie listlessly watched the procession of priests under their canopies there was nuns bearing lighted tapers and some brotherhood in blue chanting as they walked Amy watched him and felt a new sort of shyness teal over her for he was changed and she could not find the merry-faced boy she left in the moody looking man beside her He was handsomer than ever and greatly improved she thought but now that the flush of pleasure at meeting her was over not sick nor exactly unhappy but older and graver than a year or two of prosperous life should have made him she couldn't understand it and did not venture to ask questions so she shook her head and touched up her ponies as the procession wound away across the arches of the Paglione bridge and vanished in the church What do you think? she said airing her French lived in quantity if not quality since she came abroad that mid-moisle has made good use of her time and the result is charming replied Laurie bowing with his hand on his heart and an admiring look she blushed with pleasure but somehow the compliment did not satisfy her like the blunt praises he used to give her at home when he promenaded round her on festival occasions altogether jolly with a hearty smile and an approving pat on the head she didn't like the new tone for though not classy it sounded indifferent in spite of the look if that's the way he's going to grow up I wish he stay a boy she thought with a curious sense of disappointment and discomfort trying mean time to seem quite easy and gay at Avigdor's and giving the reins to Laurie read them luxuriously as they wound up the shady road between green hedges where tea roses bloomed as freshly as in June bet this very poorly mother says I often think I ought to go home but they all say stay so I do for I shall never have another chance like this said Amy looking sober over one page I think you're right there you could do nothing at home and it is a great comfort to them to know that you are well and happy and enjoying so much, my dear he drew a little nearer and looked more like his old self as he said that and the fear that sometimes weighed on Amy's heart was lightened for the look, the act the brotherly my dear seemed to assure her that if any trouble did come she would not be alone in a strange land presently she laughed and showed him a small sketch of Joe in her scribbling suit with the bow rampantly erect upon her cap and eschewing from her mouth the words genius burns Laurie smiled took it, put it in his vest pocket to keep it from blowing away and listened with interest to the lively letter Amy read him this will be a regularly merry Christmas to me with presents in the morning you and letters in the afternoon and a party at night said Amy as they alighted among the ruins of the old fort and a flock of splendid peacocks came trooping about them tamedy waiting to be fed while Amy stood laughing on the bank above him as she scattered crumbs to the brilliant birds Laurie looked at her as she had looked at him with the natural curiosity to see what changes time and absence had wrought he found nothing to perplex or disappoint much to admire and approve for overlooking a few little affectations of speech and manner she was as sprightly and graceful as ever with the addition of that indescribable something in dress and bearing which we call elegance always mature for her age she had gained a certain aplomb in both carriage and conversation which made her seem more a woman of the world than she was but her old petulance now and then showed itself her strong will still held its own and her native frankness was unspoiled by foreign polish Laurie did not read all this while he watched her feed the peacocks but he saw enough to satisfy and interest him and carried away a pretty little picture of a bright-faced girl standing in the sunshine which brought out the soft hue of her dress the fresh color of her cheeks the golden gloss of her hair and made her a prominent figure in the pleasant scene as they came up onto the stone plateau that crowned the hill Amy waved her hand as if welcoming him to her favorite haunt and said, pointing here and there do you remember the cathedral and the corcelle the fisherman dragging their nets in the bay and the lovely road to Villa Franca Schubert's tower just below and best of all that speck far out to see which they say Il Corsica I remember it's not much changed he answered without enthusiasm what Joe would give for a sight of that famous speck said Amy feeling in good spirits and anxious to see him so also yes was all he said but he turned and strained his eyes to the continent which a greater usurper than even Napoleon now made interesting in his sight take a good look at it for her sake and then come and tell me what you have been doing with yourself all this while set Amy seating herself ready for a good talk but she did not get it for though he joined her and answered all her questions freely she could only learn that he had robed about the continent and been to Greece so after idling away an hour they drove home again and having paid his respects to Mrs Carol Laurie left them promising to return in the evening it must be recorded of Amy that she deliberately pranked that night time and absence had done its work on both the young people she had seen her old friend in a new light not as our boy but as a handsome and agreeable man and she was conscious of a very natural desire to find favour in his sight Amy knew her good points and made the most of them with the taste and skill which is a fortune to a poor and pretty woman Tarleton and two were cheap at knees so she enveloped herself in them on such occasions and following the sensible English fashion of simple dress for young girls got up charming little toilets with fresh flowers a few trinkets and all manner of dainty devices which were both inexpensive and effective it must be confessed that the artist sometimes got possession of the woman and indulged in antique wafers, statuistic attitudes and classic draperies but dear heart we all have our little weaknesses and find it easy to pardon such in the young who satisfy our eyes with such comeliness and keep our hearts merry with their atlas vanities I do want him to think I look well and tell them so at home said Amy to herself as she put on flows old white silk ball dress and covered it with a cloud of fresh illusion out of which her white shoulders and golden head emerged with the most artistic effect her hair she had the sense to let alone after gathering up the thick waves and curls into a heebie like she did not at the back of her head it's not the fashion but it's becoming and I can't afford to make a fright of myself she used to say when advised to frizzle, puff or braid at the latest style commanded having no ornaments fine enough for this important occasion Amy looped her fleezy skirts with rosy clusters of azalea and framed the white shoulders in delicate green vines with her painted boots she surveyed her white satin slippers with girlish satisfaction and chassid down the room admiring her stochastic feet all by herself my new fan just matches my flowers my gloves fit to a charm and the real lace on aunt's meshua gives an air to my whole dress if I only had a classical nose and mouth I should be perfectly happy she said surveying herself with a critical eye and a candle in each hand in spite of this affliction she looked unusually gay and graceful as she glided away she seldom ran it did not suit her style she thought for being tall the stately and junoist was more appropriate than the sportive or picante she walked up and down the long saloon waiting for Laurie and once arranged herself under the chandelier and had a good effect upon her hair then she thought better of it and went away to the other end of the room as if ashamed of the girlish desire to have the first fear a propitious one it so happened that she could not have done a better thing for Laurie came in so quietly she did not hear him and as she stood at the distant window with her head half turned and one hand gathering up her dress the slender white figure against the red curtains looked attractive as a well placed statue good evening Diana said Laurie with the look of satisfaction she liked to see in his eyes when they rested on her good evening Apollo she answered smiling back at him for he too looked unusually debonair and the thought of entering the ballroom on the arm of such a personable man caused Amy to pity the four plain Mrs. Davis from the bottom of her heart here are your flowers I arranged them myself remembering that you didn't like what Hannah calls a sort bouquet said Laurie and handed her a delicate nose gay in a holder that she had long coveted as she daily passed it in cardiglias window how kind you are she exclaimed gratefully if I had known you were coming I'd have had something ready for you today though not as pretty as this I'm afraid thank you it isn't what it should be but you have improved it he added as she snapped the silver bracelet on her wrist please don't I thought you liked that sort of thing it's not from you it doesn't sound natural and I like your old bluntness better I'm glad of it he answered with a look of relief then buttoned her gloves for her and asked if his tie was straight just as he used to do when they went to parties together at home the company assembled in the long Saula Manger that evening was such as one sees nowhere but on the continent the hospitable Americans had invited every acquaintance they had in Nice and having no prejudice against titles secured a few to add lustre a Russian prince condescended to sit in a corner for an hour and talk with a massive lady dressed like Hamlet's mother in black velvet with a pearl bridle under her chin a Polish Count aged 18 devoted himself to the ladies who pronounced him a fascinating deer and a German serene something having come to supper alone roamed vaguely about seeking what he might devour Trotschild's private secretary a large-nosed Jew in tight boots affably beamed upon the world as if his master's name crowned him with a golden halo a stout Frenchman who knew the emperor came to indulge his mania for dancing and Lady Dijon's a British matron adorned the scene with her little family of eight of course there were many light-footed shrill-voiced American girls handsome lifeless looking English detail and a few plain but pecan French demoiselles likewise the usual set of travelling young gentlemen who disported themselves gaily while mamas of all nations lined the walls and smiled upon them benignly when they danced with their daughters any young girl can imagine Amy's state of mind when she took the stage that night leaning on Laurie's arm she knew she looked well she loved to dance she felt that her foot was on her native health in a ballroom and enjoyed the delightful sense of power which comes when young girls first discover the new and lovely kingdom they are born to rule by virtue of beauty youth and womanhood she did pity the Davis girls who were awkward plain and destitute of escort except a grim papa and three grimmer maiden aunts and she bowed to them in her friendliest manner as she passed which was good of her to see her dress and burn with curiosity to know who her distinguished looking friend might be with the first burst of the band Amy's colour rose her eyes began to sparkle and her feet to tap the floor impatiently for she danced well and wanted Laurie to know it therefore the shock she received can better be imagined than described when he said in a perfectly tranquil tone do you care to dance one usually does at a ball her amazed look and quick answer caused Laurie to repair his error as fast as possible I meant the first dance may I have the honour I can give you one if I put off the count he dances divinely but he will excuse me as you are an old friend said Amy hoping that the name would have a good effect that she was not to be trifled with nice little boy but rather a short pole to support the steps of a daughter of the gods divinely tall and most divinely fair was all the satisfaction she got however the set in which they found themselves was composed of English and Amy was compelled to walk decorously through a quartillion feeling all the while as if she could dance the tarantella with relish Laurie resigned her to the nice little boy and went to do his duty to flow without securing Amy for the joys to come which reprehensible want of forethought was properly punished for she immediately engaged herself till supper meaning to relent if he then gave any signs of penitence she showed him her ball book with demure satisfaction when he strolled instead of rushed up to claim her for the next caradova but his polite regrets didn't impose upon her and when she galloped away with the count she saw Laurie sit down by her aunt with an unusual expression of relief that was unpardonable and Amy took no more notice of him for a long while except a word now and then when she came to her chaperon between the dances for a necessary pin or a moment's rest her anger had a good effect however for she hid it under a smiling face and seemed unusually blithe and brilliant Laurie's eyes followed her with pleasure for she neither romped nor sauntered but danced with spirit and grace making the delight some past time what should be he very naturally fell to studying her from this point of view and before the evening was half over had decided that little Amy was going to make a very charming woman it was a lively scene for soon the spirit of the social season took possession of everyone and Christmas merriment made all faces shine hearts happy and heels light the musicians fiddled tutored and banged as if they enjoyed it everybody danced who could and those who couldn't admired their neighbours with uncommon warmth the air was dark with the Davises and many Jones scambolds like a flock of young giraffes the golden secretary darted through the room like a meteor with a dashing French woman who carved the floor with her pink satin train the serene two-ton found the supper table and was happy eating steadily through the bill of fare and dismayed the corsons by the ravages he committed but the emperor's friend covered himself with glory for he danced everything whether he knew it or not and introduced impromptu periods and the figures bewildered him the boyish abandon of that stout man was charming to behold for though he carried weight he danced like an India rubber ball he ran he flew he pranced his face glowed his bald head shone his coat tails waved widely his pumps actually twinkled in the air and when the music stopped he wiped the drops from his brow and beamed upon his fellow men he was a very selfish and selfish without glasses Amy and her pole distinguished themselves by equal enthusiasm but more graceful agility and Laurie found himself involuntarily keeping time to the rhythmic rise and fall of the white slippers as they flew by as indefectably as if winged when little Vladimir finally relinquished her with assurances that he was dressed and see how her recreant night had borne this punishment it had been successful for at three and twenty blighted affections find a balm in friendly society and young nerves will thrill young blood dons and healthy young spirits rise when subjected to the enchantment of beauty, light, music and motion Laurie had a waked up look as he rose to give her his seat and when he hurried away to bring her some supper she said to herself with a satisfied smile ah, I thought that would do him good you look like Balzac's femme panpeurale mem he said as he fanned her with one hand and held her coffee cup in the other Myrush won't come off and Amy rubbed her brilliant cheek and showed him her white glove with the sober simplicity that made him laugh outright what do you call this stuff he asked touching a fold of her dress that had blown over his knee illusion good name for it it's very pretty new thing, isn't it it's as old as the hills you have seen it on dozens of girls and you never found out that it was pretty till now stupid I never saw it on you before which accounts for the mistake you see none of that it is forbidden I'd rather take coffee than compliments just now no, don't lounge it makes me nervous Laurie sat bold upright and meekly took her empty plate feeling an odd sort of pleasure in having little Amy order him about for she had lost her shyness now and felt an irresistible desire to trample on him as girls have a delightful way of doing when lords of creation show any signs of subjection where did you learn all this sort of thing he asked with a quizzical look as this sort of thing is rather a vague expression would you kindly explain returned Amy knowing perfectly well what he meant but wickedly leaving him to describe what is indescribable well the general air the style the self-possession the illusion, you know laughed Laurie breaking down and helping himself out of his quandary with the new word Amy was gratified but of course didn't show it and temulely answered foreign life polishes one in spite of one's self I study as well as play and as for this with a little gesture towards her dress why till is cheap posies to be had for nothing and I am used to making the most of my poor little things Amy rather regretted that last sentence fearing it wasn't in good taste but Laurie liked her better for it and found himself both admiring and respecting the brave patients that made the most of opportunity and the cheerful spirit covered poverty with flowers Amy did not know why he looked at her so kindly now why he filled up her book with his own name and devoted himself to her for the rest of the evening in the most delightful manner but the impulse that wrought this agreeable change was the result of one of the new impressions which both of them were unconsciously giving and receiving End of Chapter 14