 to talk about what men must do to fully commit to you. And I'm really excited about this content. Before we get into that, and I'm gonna get into it really quickly, let's get real for a second. Why do most relationships fail? Now, let's not use the word fail, let's just say, why do most relationship end? Now, most people cite money issues in marriages, particularly using marriages as an example, as money problems or a lack of intimacy. Now, this intimacy could be sex, but I believe it's something deeper than that. And what this stems from, the real problem why most relationship end because of poor communication skills, poor communication skills, particularly in the area of showing one's feelings in relationship. So men must do this to fully commit. I wrote it down, men must do more. They have to try harder. See, being a provider is not enough. And for those of us in midlife, most women don't necessarily need the financial resources of a man to be in relationship with them. So what is mostly important to most women in relationship is a sense of intimacy. What is intimacy? Intimacy is into me, you see. And so I believe men must do more. Now, why must men do more? It's because most of us, if you, by the way, for everyone watching the replayer, if you're watching, if anyone's watching this right now can put this in the chat box. I want you to check out a video. It's a movie trailer. Check out the video called the mask we live in, the mask we live in. And it's centered around how young boys are told at a very young age to stuff their emotions. Most of you women know about this, know that for a man to show emotions, it's a sign of weakness. This is what we were taught. So I highly recommend you at least check out the trailer. It's three minutes long. And if you want, watch the full documentary. But let's be clear. For those of us in midlife, for those of you that don't need money from a man to be in relationship, now then it's highly important that these men develop their relationship skills, their ability to communicate their feelings because ultimately what is this union about? Now look, transactional relationships exist. I get it. There's a significant percentage of the population and certainly the red pill community. Hyper focuses that the man is the leader of the relationship and because he makes the money, you must submit to him and whatever he says goes. Okay. Well, for my audience, I don't think you need to be in that kind of relationship. I think you want a deeper relationship than a surface relationship that is based on a one up, one down type of dynamic. Now I recognize many of you also are in relationship where the two of you have a common purpose, maybe it's raising children together. For those of us in midlife, that's not the common purpose. In fact, many couples stay together much past their expiration date because they have this common purpose of raising the children. And let me just say that's a very admirable thing. I think it's very important, but at the same time, I'm encouraging every human being to begin to do the work, particularly in the area of communication skills in the way to express one's feeling in relationship to create a type of cohesive, successful relationship. And let me be clear, ladies, I know I am saying men must do their work. Well, ladies, you've got to do your work as well. You know, many of you just because you have a capacity to express your feelings, not necessarily you do it in such a way that's seen, heard and understood by us. You know, many of you just vomit your feelings all over the place and we're trying to pick out the chunks from it, trying to figure out what you're saying. So this goes for both men and women alike. Now, how are we going to get more centered to our feelings? How are we going to get more connected to our feelings? Well, let me be clear. I said it before and I said it again. Most of our incapacity to tap into our emotional selves centered around childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas that go unhealed, okay? And by the way, when I talk about traumas, I'm not talking about strictly, you know, massive abuse, sexual abuse or anything like that. I'm talking about microtramas. I'm talking about even being bullied in school could be a traumatic event to a boy or girl. Being ridiculed just once might have a ripple effect throughout their life. And certainly those of us in midlife, we are experienced a significant adult trauma centered around divorce. But if we don't really get clarity on the fact that divorce is the unraveling of the tapestry of a life you built with someone else, that has emotional ripple effects that can cause many human beings to stuff their emotions, stuff their feelings. This is why I'm such a big proponent. I wrote a book about it called What the heck is self love anyway? A journey of personal development, self-help and spiritual work. By the way, this is a very simplistic stage one level book, okay? By the way, there's a link below to get a copy of my book, but I'm here to say what's going to be a contributing factor to relationship success is the capacity to heal from our past and then begin a journey of learning about oneself to be introspective particularly in the area of communication. And ladies, as I said in the beginning and for you men watching, men do have to try harder, okay? Because the vast majority of people that purchased the books I talk about are women. Two books in particular, I highly recommend is Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. And I hear you, the surprisingly simple skills behind extraordinary relationships by Michael Sorenson. I highly recommend men and women read these books so you can begin the process of learning how to be in a healthy happy relationship. And ladies, let me just say something to you. You can be a catalyst for all of this. If a man really likes you, really, really likes you you can train him, believe me, my clients and by the way, there's a link right here to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. And there's also a link in the description. My clients practice radical honesty laying their cards on the table and the rules of engagement. The rules of engagement simply state is when you have clarity on your standards. And most of you guys, you really, you think you know your standards, it's all up in the clouds, it's nebulous. I'm talking about knowing your standards at a granular level. When you know your standards, you can establish the boundaries. And as Bernay Brown talks about boundaries, boundaries is simply what's okay and what's not okay for me. When you have radical honesty, laying your cards on the table and the rules of engagement, a man who really likes you, he's gonna be like a puppy dog, whatever you say, I'll learn it. But here's the problem. And it's a post I just did today on Instagram. Can we get real for a second? The current method of dating hyper focuses on romance as a pathway to love and trust. Whereas I've been an advocate for discernment and intention, vetting the person for their capacity to be emotionally healthy and have the skills to explore deeper connection. Why do I scream at the top of my lungs for this awareness? Because romantic relationships are not for the faint of heart. And if only one seeks, if a person only seeks pleasure from the experience, hence the romance I talked about, they might be blind to the real purpose of romantic love to feel safe, to be your true self in partnership. Well, at least that's my opinion anyway. So why do men have to try harder? It's because we have a significant population of single men out there that are only in it for themselves. It's only what can I get out of this experience? And by the way, women can be just as self-centric as well. So you guys don't get a pass on this, ladies. You can be just as self-centric. The problem is women tend to bond with men through physical intimacy. And you could be bonded with a man who has no real bonding with you and there's a consequence for him using you. There is a consequence. And there's no repercussions for this consequence. Other than hell, half no fury like this woman scorned and maybe there's a couple websites out there, but I'm not a big advocate for blasting people for their behavior publicly. What I, listen, I'm your big brother. If I could be there on a first date for you, I'd have the shotgun pointed at the guy's face and I'd say, what's your intention with my little sister? Why would I do that? Because there's a consequence for being out of integrity. The problem is most humans are out of integrity with themselves because they have these deep wounds and traumas that have gone unhealed. This is why I continually recommend the book, the Hoffman process, the Hoffman process. This is a deep dive into healing childhood wounds and traumas. So it allows one to step into a relationship with the capacity to communicate in a more vulnerable, authentic and transparent way. So ladies, since my audience is women, it starts with you. I'm here to say it starts within you first. You can't expect it to be the man first. You have to do the inner work. And then what I invite you to do is, for example, work with a coach like myself or someone that can guide you down this path of being more discerning because, look it, here's a, this is, okay, look, please forgive the glare, emotional maturity and relationship skills. This is not a fact, it's merely an opinion. While I believe 20% of the population has clinical issues and I overhear state that 20% of the population is relatively healthy I'm probably pretty generous when I say 20%. The vast majority of humans are either dysfunctional. That means 88 out of 10 men you meet or women, okay? This goes both ways. You're in this bucket too, ladies, you don't get off the hook. Are on some level dysfunctional, if not clinical, okay? Now you might be over here. Many of you might be here, that's great. That means you're probably more apt to work on the relationship in a healthy way. The other day I was listening to my friend, Catherine Woodward Thomas, she has a book called Calling in the One and she also has a book called Conscious Uncoupling. I've interviewed her twice here on my channel, Catherine Woodward Thomas. And while I was listening to one of her webinars, she talked about Dr. Stan Tatkins' 10 Commandments for Relationship Essentials. By the way, Dr. Stan Tatkin wrote the book Wired for Love. How to understand your partner's brain and attachment style can help you diffuse conflict and build a secure relationship. Now he has something called the 10 Commandments for Relationship Essentials. I'm just gonna read a couple for you, but ladies, before the penis ever goes inside the vagina, I highly recommend you read this entire list and allow this to be your blueprint for a relationship before you ever get physically intimate with a man. And it goes like this. Thou shalt protect the safety and security of thy relationship at all costs. Now, he didn't say the person, he said the relationship. The relationship, I want you to recognize everyone, there's a you, there's a me, and then there's a we. The we is a separate entity. The relation, by the way, I know I'm yelling. I just get ridiculously passionate. So please forgive my high voice, okay? But I'm here to say the relationship is a separate entity. Thou shalt protect the safety and security. That means the minute two people engage in physical intimacy, you, okay. Provided you, okay. Many of you are not aware of my dating vows. By the way, there's a link below called the dating vows. This is it right here, okay? Have you ever heard the saying women are the gatekeepers of sex and men are the gatekeepers of commitment? This is my dating vows. Ladies, before you're physically intimate, be aware of what I'm about to share and you should make agreements with one another as follows. We agree to explore the process of getting to know you, I agree the process to get, I, Jonathan agreed to the process of getting to know you with the intent to declare something serious in the next three to six months. I agree to be monogamous sexually while we have regular sex together. I agree not to actively seek to meet others while we're in the dating process, including taking down my dating profile if that's where we met. I agree to speak up if this isn't working for me versus pulling back, ghosting or disappearing. I agree to invest regular time in the process to get to know you, which looks like spending three or four days and nights a week together, doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills, both in our personal and our professional life, intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to either moving in together, getting married. These are the vows I invite you to use. Now 90% of men will bail on this, but guess what? They're in that dysfunctional category. Those are the men that are called spenders. If you're not familiar with my other charts, you're brand new to my channel. Here are the three types of people actively dating. Again, not a fact, merely an opinion. There are the users, the spenders and the grower builders, 20%, 60% and 20%. Now the users, those are the love bombers, those are the players. These are the entitled women. These are only in it for the short run. They're using you. Maybe they're in it for their own needs. The grower builders, those are the ones that want to form a lasting partnership. They have a long-term mating plan. The spenders, the reason why I call them spenders is they wanna spend time with you. They make you a placeholder in their life. They want companionship, connection and sex, but have little or no capacity for commitment. These are the three types of people actively dating. Freeze the screen later. Okay, so coming back to Dr. Stan Tatkins, I know you think, listen, I know I'm all over the map and I'm providing you a ton of content here. You may have to go back and rewind this and listen to it multiple times. I invite you to do that. Second commandment, thou shalt base thy relationship on true mutuality, remembering that all decisions and actions must be good for thee and thy partner. All actions must be good for thee and thy partner. You're seeing this other person as equal to yourself. Thou shalt not threaten the existence of the relationship, for doing so would benefit no one. You can't threaten the relationship, ending the relationship as a means for making the relationship work or just one of the many reasons. Commandment number six, thou shalt protect thy partner in public and private from harmful elements, including thyself. Thou shalt correct all errors, including injustices and injuries at once or as soon as possible, not making a dispute of who was the original perpetrator. This is like, look, you're not allowed to wait weeks and if there's some issue that's happened, you deal with it right away. Folks, I want you to Google right now, Dr. Stan Tackin's 10 Commandments for Relationship Essentials right now. Can someone post that in the chat box? Dr. Stan Tackin, T-A-T-K-I-N, Relationship 10 Commandments for Relationship Essentials. And I invite you to read it in your leisure. Folks, you have no excuse if you've watched this video and you find yourself in a relationship where you've gotten used from this point going forward, you only have yourself to blame. I'm vomiting a lot of content for you to absorb. And I'm saying it tongue in cheek, I'm vomiting. I'm expressing a lot of things that will make a difference in your life. It's on you whether or not you take this to heart. I'm inviting you knowledge, okay? This is knowledge relatively available to everyone. These are books, you know, things called libraries, books, amazon.com. And by the way, there's a link to get a copy of all the books I recommend as well. So coming back to men must do this. I said it in the early stages of this conversation, I'll say it again. Men gotta try harder, men gotta try harder. Men, I'm inviting every man here to step into your power because being a provider is not the sole purpose of being a relationship. Being in a union with another human being is also being in the union of the heart, emotional union with another human being. And I'm inviting you all to step into that space. God, universe, spirit. For everyone who's watching this right now, I invite in a juicy, delicious, healthy, happy relationship where they have amazing chemistry with their partner and the attraction is off the charts and the communication between the two of them is so wonderfully beautiful where they can each be seen, heard and understood and their banter and fun that they have together through communication can go on for hours and hours of the time and they have the capacity to blend their lives together in a perfect union. And they have the values that will sustain a long-term relationship and they will build the deep roots of trust through the various means including emotional maturity and relationship skills that will sustain this healthy, happy long-term relationship. I invite that in for everyone who's watching. I invite that in for myself as well. God, universe, spirit, thank you. I invite that for all of you today to experience that kind of relationship and remember, do this work for yourself and just know this, if a guy really, really likes you, he can be trained. If he's open, he can be trained. I know a lot of men aren't open, but guess what? All you have to do is lead by example. Are you with me? If you are with me, give me an amen. I'm with you, Jonathan. I'm gonna lead by example. State that in the chat box or in the comment section below. All right, if you have something to share, post a comment below. I do my best to read them all during the first 24 hours. And if you like this video, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell as well. All right, it's time for Q&A. If you have a question, write the word question in the chat box. And write the word question and post the question thereafter. Or there's a little dollar sign in the chat box. And if you're watching the replay, you can hit a super thanks. All the monies from the super sticker, super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. That's a picture of him right there with his brother, Colin. He's my son who passed away five years ago in his honor. We donate to a variety of causes like the Hoffman process and Insight Institute, just to name a few. So again, hit that little dollar sign. Our goal tonight is $50. Let's collect $50 tonight. Give some love to the Connor Asley scholarship fund. All right, let's see what kind of questions we have. Jane Spitfire is in the house. How do you know when a guy likes you? Please give me an idea of their behavior. This is a great question. Let's differentiate lust for like. Let's differentiate lust is I wanna get in your pants. So everything they do maneuvers into how can I get this woman in bed? And no men can be incredibly charming. And it might appear that they like you. A man who genuinely wants to get to know you will ask deeper questions about who you are. They will ask about your past. They will ask about your present. They will ask about your future. And that's a really good sign that he likes you. He might even say the words, I like you. He might say the words, I like you. That's a good sign, right? He's not pressuring for sex. He might want, listen, I got sex on the brain all day long and I'm in my, I'm over 50 years old. So I haven't died yet. But at the same time, if I like someone, I'm willing to pace the relationship when it comes to physical intimacy. And that's probably one of the best indicator. He's not trying to get in your pants right away. Okay? All right, hope that helps. All right, let's keep going. One of our Facebook group members, by the way, I have a fantastic group called Midlife Love Mastery. It's the second link below. This is a group where you can have direct access to me on a regular basis through a once a month webinar where you can talk to me on the phone or through our Facebook group, which we have some members watching right now. Question, do you think if you have sex with a man too soon, they won't respect you? You know, I think that is an old adage that probably if they think you're a promiscuous woman, they might not respect you. I don't think that in and of itself is a linchpin for respect. I think, and what is too soon? The first date, the second date, the third date. I think most men, if they've had sex by the third or fourth date with you, they don't think that's too soon. One night stand, ah, you know, the problem with one night stands or, you know, sex on the first date, it's such a toss-up, it's such a flip of the coin of what's gonna happen on those. So I don't think it's an issue of respect. What they might be concerned about is if you're promiscuous and if they think you're promiscuous, they may not covet you or see you as virtuous. And if a man doesn't see you as virtuous, it may not be that he disrespects you, but he's probably not gonna wanna covet you into his life. That's just giving you a broad overview of the way a lot of men might think in this capacity. Some men might disrespect you. That might be the case and some men could care less about it. So there's a variety of different things that could happen. Okay. If you have a question, write the word question. Oh, here we go. Let's see. Sovereign Angel wants to say, amen, I'm with you. I just need to find a good man first, then I will lead by example. Way to go. All right, let's keep going. Marie Collins wants to say, I'm gonna lead by example. Way to go. All right, Bita is in the house. Why do I get asked out by men over 70 or under 30? I'm 48, I need a man my age. They seem to be interested in women under 30. Well, do you really need to know why men 70 years old wanna date you? I mean, do you really need to know why? I suspect, look at my dad's 98 and he flirts with all the 50-year-old women in his retirement community or in his assisted living. Okay, it's just natural instinct. And then why do men under 30? Because women 48 years old, they have high sex drive. You don't have to worry about getting them pregnant. You don't have to worry about commitment with them because you have a built-in escape clause saying I wanna have children someday. And you don't have to worry about getting them pregnant. I mean, if I was 25, 30 years old and there was the internet, I'd probably be, listen, if I was that age back then, I would be swiping on all 48 years old and just it's a numbers game. I'm sure there's gonna be plenty that will have sex easily with me. That's the why. Why does it bother you? Now, you don't seem to find men your own age. The last two women I've dated have been older than me. My dear friend of mine just got married to a woman that was one month older than him. Another friend of mine is in a relationship with a woman who's nine months older than him. So these are good men out there with women older than themselves, okay? So if you're not attracting that man, then you have to ask yourself, what am I not doing to attract that person? What do I need to do to attract that person? Maybe you have terrible, by the way, folks, now that I'm officially back on the dating sites, I can tell you, I look at dating profiles and I will tell you 99% of the women's profiles are crap. You guys are doing a terrible job of representing yourself out there, thinking in some delusional world, well, if he doesn't like me for my crappy photographs, he doesn't deserve me. I'm like, that's the fucking attitude many of you have. I'm like, you gotta be kidding me. You, by the way, oh, the other thing, like take Bumble or Hinge, for example, you have six photographs. Why are three of them the plate of sushi you ate the night before, a sunset, and some out-of-focus picture of yourself? And I mean, that's like a lot of the profiles. And you wonder why men like me don't wanna go out with you. And I'm not talking about you, Bita, I'm just talking about everyone. You've got, you know what? Quality profile generates quality results. And if you need some help with that, schedule a call with me. All right, let's keep going. Hey, we just got $5 from Christian Noel. Thank you so much for the $5 Super Sticker. That means we are $45 away from our goal of $50 tonight, okay? Thank you so much. Bita says, so I'm doomed. No, you're not, that's an attitude, that's a story, or it's raining great men, it's raining great men, it's raining great men. Your attitude, ladies, your attitude is everything. When you have the right frame of mind, you can attract what you want. Okay, one of my Facebook members says, how do I drop the hanky to get a man to talk to me or flirt with me in today's time? So I remember a dear friend of mine, Barb, Buttercup I used to call her. We, thinking of the movie, Princess Bride. We watched the movie together. She was like one of the first female friends I connected with after my divorce. And we dated briefly, but it didn't manifest into anything. And so we just became friends. And she had met a man some months later at a bar. And you know what she did? She had a night, she was drinking some cocktail. There was an ice in the drink. She took out the ice out of her mouth and threw it out the guy. They went on to date for three years. That was dropping the hanky. How do you drop the hanky today? Hey, look at Bumble was initiate, Bumble the dating app. If you guys aren't familiar with Bumble, here, most of you are familiar with this dating app. Here we go. Here's my profile. Okay, so, women initiate the conversation. So that's how you drop the hanky. Now I want you to use my acronym. Okay, someone write this in the chat box. Nice, N, period, I, period, C, period, E, period. Nice, okay? Use my nice format. Nice stands for, look at my profile has my name. Use my name in a sentence. Use the person's, not my name in a sentence. Use the person's name in a sentence. Hey, Jonathan, great to connect with you. The I stands for inquisitive, inquisitive. Ask a question. So for example, one of my photographs, look at me, I was at a spiritual retreat, okay? I'm curious, where did you get those funky pants for that pose with the crown you're wearing, okay? So be curious, ask a curious question. The C stands for compliment. Ladies, we men get so few, we get little to no compliments in a day. You get compliments all the time. Oh my God, you look so lovely. Oh my God, where'd you get those shoes? Where did you get that makeup? I wanna get that. Where'd you get that perfume? You get compliments all day long. We get zero compliments in a day. The C stands for compliment. And the E stands for energy, emotion, and emoji. Energy, emotion, and emoji. You want to leave some energy behind. So when you ask the question, you give the compliment, you've said his name, put a happy emoji, leave some energy, say something energetic. And that's a great way to drop the hanky to a guy who's ready to commit. Does that help? I hope that does. I love that question. One of my favorites, okay, so far today. Magic Entertainer says, Bumble is crazy. Look at every dating site is just a spoke in the wheel. I can tell you stories where people met on Tinder, fell in love and got married on Bumble, on eHarmony, on match.com, on okayCupid, even plenty of fish. And I think that's the bottom of the barrel. So I get it, okay? But it's just because these are just the portals where we connect. But most people do a crappy job. You ladies included. Okay. By the way, I did notice we had, Kate gave us a $10 super sticker. So we are now $35 away, $35 away from our goal of $50 tonight. Thank you so much for the love, Kate. All right, let's keep going back here. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. We got a question from Sunny. Question, I'm 66 years old, been married three times and I realize now I never knew how to look for an appropriate partner. I'm gun shy at this point. What do you suggest for me to adjust my picker? So I said this earlier. Well, so you've had a lot of experience. You should, at this point in your life, clearly know what you want. I would doubt it because I know that 99% of the women who go through my proprietary coaching program all say, Jonathan, I know what I want. I know what I want. I know what I want in a relationship. Then they go through this program I created. And as I said, it's proprietary. And can you guess what they say every single time afterwards? Wow, why didn't my parents teach me this? Why didn't I learn this in school? You made me think. I'm so glad I learned this. One is get clarity on who's compatible with you. If you're not familiar with my relationship, iceberg chart, folks, most of us focus on chemistry and attraction, but shared values, blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity wrapped up in a shared vision is what you need to be vetting for in the early stages of dating. And if you're not doing a vetting job, that's on you. So first get clarity on who you are and who's really compatible and then ask those tougher questions early on to determine compatibility. That's my beginning recommendation for you. And read all the books I recommend as well. Okay, I got to share this with everyone. Oh my God, that was so cute about your dad being 98 and flirting with the 50 year olds. Good for dad, love that. Yeah, my dad's hitting on women 48 years younger than him. Oh my God, that would make me never mind. I don't even want to think about the age of someone that's 48 years younger than me. So that was just for fun. Corina says, I'm seeing a lot of affairs at work, specifically older men, 45 and 50s dating or sneaking around with 20 and 31 year olds. I'm seeing a 31 year old, wait, I'm seeing a, wait, I'm 31 seeing a 48 year old. Yeah, I mean, that does happen. You know, humans are really, what did I say? Poor relationship skills is the reason why we're seeing so many relationship endings. Sovereign angel has a question. How can a beautiful 60 year old compete against all these young women on only fans selling sex to all the men? Well, if you're saying how do you compete with pornography? I mean, listen, my hand, you know, barely sat and need the real thing. So if you're talking about the one, by the way, only 1% of the population of, there's only 1% of women in the world that are on only fans in the world. Okay, so that's it. Out of, what does that work out to be out of 8 billion people that's, you know, no. No, out of the United States, it's 1%, okay? So that means one out of a hundred women. Are you really? By the way, you know, my mother, God bless her. My mother, after I was born, no, she had a couple of miscarriages before me and she put on a lot of weight. In fact, I think by the time I was 12 or 13 years old, my mom was five foot five and weighed probably 280 pounds, okay? Not healthy, we call that obese, okay? She could walk into a room and own the fucking place. She had such self-esteem despite the fact that she was overweight. She would walk into any party with my dad. And my dad, let me tell you something. If you saw a picture of my father, I'm talking, you know, Sean Connery, you know, Sean Connery handsome, okay? And, you know, just kind of like Pierce Brosnan and his wife, okay? But my mom walked in, own the room. When you own the room, when you own your sovereignty, you call yourself sovereign angel, when you own your sovereignty and you stand in your power claiming your worth, claiming your divinity, if you will. You're not thinking about the small percentage of guys that are jacking off to some only fans, okay? And yes, there is a porn problem, but trust me, I don't know, maybe it's just me, but I think vagina's a lot better, okay? So why think about it? Focus on your divinity, focus on your sovereignty, focus on your self-love. You're the sovereign angel, that's my invitation. How can they do it? It doesn't matter that they do it. You know, we're in a fucked up world. Make your world, I did a post. It said, create a life so awesome that you're the reality show people are watching. Create a life so awesome you are the reality show people are watching. And that's my invitation for you sovereign angel, okay? Let me know if that helped. All right, let's keep swimming, let's keep swimming. Oh, Kate wants to remind in my nice acronym, amen, use the person's name. Our name is a very powerful thing, okay? I wanna discuss this. Do you remember when a little kid, Jonathan? Okay, I hear that from my parents. Holy shit, what did I do wrong? When we hear our name, we actually go into a bit of fear. At the same time, when somebody uses our name, we feel respected. We feel cherished, we feel honored. When someone Marie, your name is Marie, Marie, when I'm using your name right now in a sentence or Kate a moment ago, or when I say Jane or the magic entertainer by calling someone by their name is an honoring of who they are. So name, inquisitive, compliment, enthusiasm. Okay, let's keep going. Amber's in the house, I'm using her name. Do you follow the statement that if a man really wants a woman, he'll make changes and reach out after the woman takes space and breaks up for valid reason? Well, yeah, well, here's the thing. Unhealthy men will do that, and healthy men will do that. The problem is if you're without an emotionally healthy man and you had a valid reason for breaking up, he may say, you know what? I, you know what? If she doesn't value this relationship, I'm not gonna chase her. I know I feel this way. Folks, you all know that Marie ended our relationship. I didn't, I mean, I probably fought for it for a moment, but I'm like, I'm not, I wanna be with someone who wants to be with me. That's what an emotional grown-up person does. Emotionally unhealthy people will fight and act crazy and do all kinds of weird stuff. So I'm here to say, if you had a valid reason for ending a relationship with an emotional grown-up man, then he's probably gonna go, okay, that's on you. I mean, that's your choice. An emotional grown-up? Absolutely, they'll always come back. Emotional immature person. Hey, Sonny gave us a $5 super sticker. That I think brings our total to $20. We need $30 more tonight. So let's raise some money for the Connor Asley Scholarship Fund. Let's see. Okay, magic entertainers back in the house and she says, is it true human beings want something they can't have? Yeah, there's a lot of things I want. Well, can't have? Is it can't have? I'm really wrestling with the idea of can't have, okay? Like, I have a crush on Kate Beckinsdale. Can I not have her? I mean, can I get her? Probably not, but there's always, remember the movie Dumb and Dumber? When Jim Carrey says, so there's hope? She goes, I'll never, ever, ever, ever date you. So what you're saying is there's hope, right? Is it true people want? Certainly, I think people strive for wanting more. I think that's a egoic way of living life. And I think it's a very popular experience for most human beings. I think it is rather true that people want, they might strive, let me put it this way. Okay, I wanna answer this question. I didn't really fully state what I wanted to say. We humans oftentimes think I'm here in life. I have a Hyundai, for example, but if I'm driving a Ferrari, I'm gonna be really happy. So boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. You start owning a Ferrari. Do you get happier? No. You might temporarily be happy. You might be able to show off a little bit, but you're not much happier. And a lot of rich people go, I don't need a Ferrari, I just need a car with four wheels, okay? So the point is happiness really happens for most humans in a vertical line of love and learning. When we learn something new, we feel happier. When we're in a state of loving, we feel happier. See, I think the accumulation of things doesn't necessarily make us happier. It is in the love and learning going upward is where we gain some happiness, okay? Okay, coming back to our Facebook group member, how do you drop the handkerchief in public, restaurants, gas station stores? You know, I'm not a big fan of this, okay? Because what is your sole basis for dropping the hanky? It's based on physical attractiveness. That's, I mean, if you, if this is a total stranger, then all you're basing your desire to drop the hanky is physical attractiveness, okay? But let's just say, and by the way, you ladies, you don't like being picked up by guys based on physical attractiveness, but let's reverse the circles here. How do you drop the hanky? Just like the woman at Home Depot. Hey, excuse me, sir, can you help me? Excuse me, sir, can you help me? Excuse me, can you help me with something? Excuse me, can you help me with something? Men love to, men love to help. We do, but women ask for our help. We usually will say, sure, make up some random need for help. We help me tie my shoelaces to look up your skirt. Now I'm just kidding. Ask for his help, you know? Can you help me with directions? Can you help me with what time it is? That's how you can drop the hanky. McCoy Oak Hill Farm says, like Jonathan has said before, do the lifestyles lead? Is his goals and interests are not similar to mine? It's a no go. I've been there before, exactly. Kate wants to remind us, when someone uses my name, I feel seen not just, hey, how's it going? How's your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day. That's from Seinfeld. Rose is in the house, and she says, what do you think of a 20 year old guy who wants me and I'm 58? I think he wants to get laid by an older woman. That's what I think. He just wants to get laid by an older woman. Or he needs you for money, or he needs you to be his mommy. That's what I think he needs, or wants, or that's what I think he wants. Off the cop, I mean, without meeting the guy. Karina says, just curious, what is the resistance feeling you get when you start getting close to someone? I noticed this happens in relationship and people tend to run instead of open to that resistance. You know, resistance is always based on fear, the fear of rejection. Folks, when I talk about childhood wounds and traumas, you know, when I talk about the book, The Hoffman Process, we have a significant population of humans that have been deeply hurt emotionally at a very young age that makes them fearful to get close. This is just a fact of life. So, you know, getting laid is a basal need. It's a base lower chakra need. The minute we get to emotional responsibility in a relationship, this is where shit gets, this shit hits the fan. That's why coming back to my title, men must do more, they have to try harder to connect with their emotional side and to heal the childhood wounds and traumas so they can have the relationship skills to overcome these fears. I've been working on myself for a decade and a half, folks. You're not familiar with the work of Alison Armstrong. Where is it? I went to her workshop a few weeks ago. She wrote a book called Queens Code, but in it, she talks about the tunnel men go through. This is the hero's journey men go through to find out who, like this, the minute we start to ask ourselves, who am I? Why am I here? What's this all for? It's an opportunity be introspective. And so, oh, I lost my train of thought. So resistance, just this fear, okay? Okay, thank you. Hey, I wanna give thanks to Claire O'Connor for the $20 Super Sticker. Let me find this really quickly, Claire. Shoot, we are, I think we're $5 away from our $50 goal. You know, let's make our goal tonight $100, $100. Thanks, Claire, for the $20 Super Sticker. We appreciate the love. We love the love. Magic Entertainer, I don't feel happy texting all these guys from Bumble. Well, why do you do all these guys? How about just do one at a time? Heal from your past and focus on loving yourself and being the best person you can be. You know, many of you know that I interviewed yesterday my friend Patty Tierney. She had a hard life. She had a mother who was an alcoholic. She became an alcoholic. Sadly, she had to resort to being a sex worker to pay the bills and to support her children. And in that process, she met a group of women called the goddesses that helped her break free from her, the pains that was causing her to not live her fullest life. In that, she talked about the need for healing. We all have a need for healing and it's a constant thing. This isn't in a vacuum. I'm working on myself. Every day I peel a layer within myself and I invite you all to do the introspective work, to peel those layers because when we heal, we actually become a magnetic attractor for what we want. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. By the way, hit that like button if this is resonating and share this video with your friends. Sovereign Angel says, thank you. I have the confidence and a great personality, but it seems just, but it just seems like so many men in my age group want younger women. The many you said, but you negated everything you just said, who gives a fuck? Do you wanna date a thousand men or do you care about one man? And trust me, there is one man in your age group that you're perfectly aligned for, maybe two, maybe five. Who cares about what other men do? Jonathan, thanks, I need you to tie my shoestrings. By the way, I don't even do women wear shoes with laces. Power of cheese says, Jonathan, a guy at Whole Foods tonight dropped the handkerchief with me by asking me a question about where I got my coconut and lemons in Sorbet. Way to go, dude. You gotta date with him now. You gonna go play pickleball? Oh, Jane wants to remind us, how come no one does Sadie Hawkins dance for mature people, get men and women the same amount to meet somewhere? I'm in agreement. By the way, I'm incredibly flattered when a woman asks me out. Now I might say no most of the time because I don't feel a resonance with them, but the thing is, as they say, what did Wayne Gretzky say, you only miss the shots you never take? I think it's something. What's the quote by Wayne Gretzky? You only miss the shots you never take? Be bold, by the way, here's another book. Where is that book? Folks, if you haven't read this book, you have to read Brene Brown's book called Daring Greatly. What's the subtitle? How the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live, love, parent and lead. Brene Brown. Oh, I love her work. Oh, by the way, tell me if you love Brene Brown's work, say give me a thumbs up. It's time to be daring. By the way, for most, okay, my dad's 98, okay? He's a rarity, but the days in front of us for a lot of us is shorter than the days behind us. Live life like you are the star of your own reality show. Well, maybe not that much drama, but anyway, I think you get the gist of where I'm going. Ah, Kate says, how is your CITO class going? I'm doing self-guided version with a friend. Of course, wait, oh, Calling in the One class. Oh, we had a class today. Catherine Woodward-Thomas, who wrote Calling in the One, by the way, I'm in her group, okay? Calling in the One. Highly recommend this book. There's a link below to get a copy. I do, my work with clients is kind of a personalized version of this. I love this class. I think Catherine is an amazing teacher. I think today's class was centered around self-love, self-care, self-esteem, understanding the importance of really tapping into our self-love and it's not the same as self-care. So that was what our class was today. Thank you for asking. Lori Reed says, my avoidant says he needs every Monday for 24 hours alone because he's avoidant. I told him not to contact me until Christmas and we get together. What do you think? Well, did he, you know, I can understand why a person would like 24 hours to themselves. I think that's a very valid thing to ask for. Now, is this a nefarious thing? I would be curious to know why. I need 24 hours in every Monday. Maybe he has a nefarious thing going on. Maybe he's planning a birthday party for you or something. I don't know the why. Not the birthday party is nefarious, I'm just saying. But to do what you did, I told him don't contact me in Christmas, that's a very emotionally immature thing to do yourself, from my opinion. You ask for what I think. What you did was equally emotionally mature. What two grownups should do is have conversations with one another. But what you did broke one of the commandments that thou shalt not threaten the relationship and that's what you did. So, you know, whatever happens, keep me posted but I'm not a fan of what you did but I certainly would like clarity as to why he did what he did. Pesta as Jonathan, tonight's show is showing you back to your old self. Congrats on carrying on best wishes. Oh, I go from old to young to new to this or that but thank you for, if that's a compliment, I appreciate it, thank you so much. Let's see, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump. Let's keep going. Oh, okay, Jane. Speed dating, go to a restaurant, same amount of men and women sit across from each other, get five minutes to ask question. Bell rings, move to the next guy or the guy moves to the next girl. By the way, next today is Wednesday. So, a week from yesterday, my friend Julie Furman, I want you to, someone write this in the chat box, Cupid's coach, Julie Furman is holding a singles event for people and this is gonna be for those of us in Los Angeles called the Valley. It's gonna be, I think in Westlake or, it's in Westlake, if anyone knows where Westlake is, she's holding not a speed dating event, but it's a singles event. And I think there's gonna be something like 20 or 30 men and 20 or 30 women, just it's a cocktail party. She puts them together. She calls these things mitzvah, I think she calls them mitzvah matches where she puts people together and sees what happens. I think mitzvah is a Jewish term of like good luck or something like that. I forget what it is, please forgive me. So, yeah, I think speed dating events, singles events, any chance you can get in front of people and connect with people, I think is puts the odds in your favor, okay? Jane is talking about a book called I Heard Author David Brooks on a TED Talk Speak of his new book, How to Get to Know Someone. Oh, so not that this book totally relates, but, you know, Malcolm Gladwell wrote a book called Talking to Strangers. And not that this relates to dating or anything, but I think it's, by the way, what's the subtitle? What we should know about the people we don't know. This is an interesting book to kind of recognize that the fact is, is these days we're meeting total strangers. So we, most humans do a very poor job of vetting. This is why I highly recommend the book by, oh, Barbara DeAngelis, are you the one for me knowing who's right and avoiding Mr. Ron? By the way, link below to get a copy of the books I recommend right here, get this book. Highly recommend it. Lena says, I know Westlake, unfortunately I'm in the Bay Area. I understand, okay. Power of Chee says no date, but the conversation was nice. I like having regular simple conversations with men, non-romantic. It gives me practice communicating with them. Yeah, wait till you get to the tougher shit. Okay, just to remind everyone, I'm going a week from yesterday to Cupid's Coach, Julie Furman's single event in Westlake. Go to all your Westcoasters. Thanks, Kate, I appreciate that. I think this will be the last question of the evening question from one of our Facebook members. I just reconnected with a man who blocked me because I made a mistake, but he seems very happy to reconnect with me. Does this mean he's very interested in me? Also, our conversations are a lot better now. Rather than make an assumption, let's just say he's interested enough to do what he's doing right now. Let's not make it bigger than what it, let's not make it grander than what it is. At the moment, he is interested in conversing with you. Your job is to simply figure out, do I like him or not? It's not about figuring out whether he likes you. You've got to figure out if you like him. That's what matters most in this particular conversation, okay? All right. Hey, you know what? We're getting up to the hour, folks. I hope you found value in our conversation. Men must do this to fully commit. You know what they need to do? They need to try harder. Men have to do the work. I'm here on your side, but ladies, you've got to do the work too. And just remember, if he really, really likes you, you can train him to do a lot of this work together. Read the book, folks. Before the penis goes inside the vagina, read the book, eight dates, chapter one, read it together. Chapter one, read it together before that penis ever goes inside the vagina. Are you with me? If you are, give me an amen. Oh, no pit stains. All right, I hope you found value in our conversation. If you did, please post a comment below. I do my best to read all the comments. I'd like to hear your thoughts. And if you do like this video, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell so you can be notified of new videos. And I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do. First off, give myself a big gigantic Jonathan Bear hug. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear, a pillow, and give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. Let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I wanna thank McCoy, and Power of Chee, and Sandy, and Elena, and Kate. Where did Kate go? And Kate, and net detective, and Jane, and kathy, kathy, McCoy, Sherry, Facebook member Elena. I already said that. Marianne, smashly, everyone. Thanks a bunch. Have a fab evening. Be well. Bye now. Bye-bye, bye-bye, bye-bye.