 Ladies and gentlemen, from time to time, radio programs of vastly individual and divergent types are presented to advertising agencies, sponsors, and the broadcasting networks. Each of them striving to achieve a definite and conclusive effect. There is, for example, the mystery show. Programs of this sort are presented for thrill, suspense, intrigue. Then there's the comedy show. Hey, Louis, here's one that'll kill you. Why did the chicken cross the aisle? You give up? Because it was a crossed aisle chicken! Programs of this sort are presented for laughs, for rib-tickling mirth, for genial good fellowship. The program you're about to hear, Father Knows Best, starring the eminent actor, Mr. Robert Young, is presented for the next 30 minutes. In an average town, Springfield, on an average street, Maple, lives an average American family, the Henderson's. The husband, Jim, is very much in love with his wife, Margaret, and they're both quite fond of their three children, Betty, Bud, and Kathleen, which I should say is average way for parents to feel. On this particular morning, which is an average sort of day, the Henderson's are ready for an average sort of meal, breakfast. Well, they're supposed to be ready, but you know how it is. The average mother calls... Jim! And the average answer is... Kathleen, come in and start your breakfast. Oh, breakfast. Don't you understand, Mother, this is a crisis. How can I go to school without my skates? Eat your breakfast, dear, and we'll look for the skates later. Oh, but I have looked for... Vanished, Kathy. Did you look in the hall under the telephone table? Mother, that's practically the first place I looked. Well, how about the service port? They aren't there. They aren't anywhere. I'll run out to the garage and see if you left them there, and don't use too much sugar on your cereal. Look, way in the back... All you ever get around here is oatmeal. Ask you not to leave your skates on the stairs. I came down the stairs on it. Oh, Jim, you're poor Jim. Isn't it wonderful, Mother, Daddy? I did not fall down the stairs. Please, Jim, hold still. How can I fix your Jim? I will not have that child telling people I fell down the stairs. I tripped over a count-founded skates. Is that the only place she can find to leave them? Well, she's very sorry, dear. Aren't you, Kathy? Oh, sure. Um... Daddy! Not now, Kathy. Have some coffee, Jim. It'll make you feel better. Other people have children, and they have skates. But other people have discipline in their homes. Old-fashioned discipline. The kind of discipline we had in my home when I was a boy. There was a place for everything and everything... Mom! Hey, Mom! I'm sorry, dear. We'll try to do better. What is it, Bud? I can't find my other shoe. Where'd you put it? Look under the dresser. Okay. Is that where you generally put his other shoe? Sometimes. How do you want your eggs this morning, dear? Daddy, I was just wondering... Kathy, this is a very bad time to bother your father. We'd better let it go for a while. Shall I scramble them, Jim? Oh, it's important, Mother. It's the most important thing in my life. What is? It's really nothing, dear. All right, Kathy. Stop looking like Ingrid Bergman and tell me what it is. I need two dollars, Daddy. I'm desperate. I've got two dollars. What for? Wings. What did she say, Margaret? She said wings. That's what I thought. Why does she need wings? I have to be an angel. I told them I would. I did all of them. It's the school, play, dear. Kathleen said she'd be an angel. Well, I can see they're certainly not casting the type. Kathy, you get an allowance, don't you? If you can call it that, a quarter. When I was nine years old, I had to work for every penny I got. I couldn't walk up to my father and say, I want two dollars for wings, and it certainly was not. Well, then, you didn't need wings. All right, then, find a way to sprout wings without my two dollars. Won't discuss it any further, Kathy. Your father knows best. Oh, I face them without wings. Morning, everybody. How's it? What happened to the squirt? Oh, just a minor tragedy. Drink your orange juice, bud. Say, Dad, I was just thinking... Not now. Let your father read the papers. Not now, dear. Please. But I have to. Gosh, how much time have I got left? You don't mind if I get in on this, do you? How much time for what? Well, Dad, we're going on a picnic tomorrow. A whole bunch of us. Fine. Have a good time. He can go on picnics, and I can't even have wings. Treat me like an orphan around here. Nobody even loves me. Oh, Kathy, stop being dramatic. Everyone loves you. Sure, but not two dollars worth. Your brother's not asking for two dollars. Your brother's not asking for anything. Except permission to use the car. Except permission to use... Except what? Well, that's what I was going to ask you about. You see, we're all going out in the country, and I told everybody... You're not going to use the car. Well, but, Dad, if I don't, how am I going to go? You have a bicycle, haven't you? When I was your age, I was traveling all over the state on my bicycle. With a girl? How can I... How can I take a girl on a bicycle? Jim, I just thought that... One moment, Margaret. James Henderson, Jr., you are 15 years of age, and young men 15 years of age do not go traipsing around the country with girls in my car. But everybody else does, Dad. I mean, they get to use their father's car. Joe Phillips uses his father's car, and he's two months younger than I am. I wouldn't care if he was three months younger and had wings. You may not have the car. But you know your father doesn't approve of children driving automobiles. Children? If I want the car, I'm too young. If I want to go to the circus, I'm too old. I wish somebody around here would decide how old I am. We've decided you're too young. Now, that'll be all of that. I'll be an outcast. That's what I'll be. I'll be poisoned with every hunk of date bait in the school. Me and a bicycle. But you better eat your eggs before they get ice cold. What a time to think about eggs. Dad, how would it be if I... No. But I was just going to... No. But you don't even know... No, whatever it is, no. Oh, fine. The way I'm treated around here, you'd think I was an orphan. Copycat, I said it first. Quiet, Squirt. Kathy, leave your brother alone and finish your milk. But I... And he's an old copycat. I am not. I wasn't even listening to you. You were, too. You heard me say it, and then you said it. And you're an old copycat. I am not. You are so. I am not. You are so. Quiet, both of you quiet. Oh, Margaret, why can't we ever have a peaceful breakfast in this house? I'm sorry. I don't think it's asking an awful lot. I was a boy, we had wonderful breakfast, quiet breakfast, peaceful breakfast. We had respect for our elders. Sure, but you didn't have a kid's sister like the brat. I'm not a brat. You're a brat if I ever saw one. I am not. You are so. I am not. You are so. Quiet! What's the matter with her? She's looking out the window at a bird. It was sitting on an egg. How'd you ever tear yourself away? A lovable little morrow. Strange this morning, is anything wrong? Wrong! Oh, mother, how can you even say that? In this lovely, wonderful world, how could anything be wrong? Hey, Pop, you better hide your wallet. This one's gonna be a pimp. Family without your assistance. Kathy? Yes, Daddy. As your father, I'm quite capable of handling my own financial affairs. Maybe a strain, but I can manage. Yes, Daddy. And I would prefer that even in moments of stress, you refrain from addressing me as, hey, Pop. Okay, Daddy. Finally, I believe I am as well qualified as you to recognize the devious roots employed by your sister in leading up to the announcement that she needs a new dress. That's telling her, Pop. What? I mean, Daddy. You're all very amusing, but I don't need a new dress. Dear, are you sure you feel all right? I feel fine. Betty, you don't want any money? No, Father, why? You don't want to borrow the car? Of course not. Well, at least there's one sensible child in this family. Betty, I'm proud of you. Thank you, Father. Yes, sir. What this country needs is more children who leave their fathers alone at the breakfast table. I think I'll have another cup of coffee, Margaret. All right, dear. There you are. Thank you. Well, Betty, what's the good word in your little world? Oh, just the most wonderful thing has happened, Father. I'm going to be married. Well, stop beating me on the back or I'll never be all right. Oh, but Mother told me... I did not tell you to break your father's spine. Well, you told me to pound him. With your hand, not your books. I get it. Come on, Kathy. Come on, where? You're going to school. I don't have to leave for 10 minutes. Oh, that's what you think. Hey, stop calling me you brute. See you later, everybody. All right, Betty. Now, what was that newsy little item? You dropped into the middle of my coffee. What? Oh, you mean about getting married. Isn't it wonderful? Margaret, did you know anything about this? It's not a word, Jim. I still don't. Betty, you're joking, aren't you? Joking? Mother, do you think I joke about the most sacred thing in a woman's life? Jim, she isn't joking. That's right. Betty, you wouldn't mind giving us a little more information, would you? You know, just in case we want to get in touch with you later. I don't know what you mean, Father. Well, just for start, who is it? Who's who? The boy, my prospective son-in-all. What's his name? Billy. He's wonderful. Oh, Betty, not Billy Smith. Just wonderful. Which one is he? Oh, you know, Jim, the one who hates football players. The one Betty thinks is aesthetic. Aesthetic? The one I think it is. The new way of spelling anemic. Father, Billy is delicate. You have to be delicate if you have a beautiful soul. Well, that's exactly what this family needs, somebody with a beautiful soul. Margaret, I have to get out of the office. Explain to Betty that she'll be happier if she waits. Make certain. You know, the usual woman-to-woman talk. All right, Jim. Oh, you don't have to worry about us, Father. Billy and I talked it all over last night, and we both decided against a hasty marriage. We intend to wait. That's fine. I'll be home for usual time, dear. All right, Jim. We're not going to be married until Saturday. If you... Saturday? Uh-huh. Saturday night. We were going to make it in the afternoon, but we decided to go to the basketball game first. This is an emergency. Put your hat down. I'll put more than my hat down. Betty, this is the most ridiculous piece of conversation I've ever heard. Father, you mean you don't approve? Now, there's the first intelligent remark you've made since you got up. I most decidedly don't approve. But I don't understand. You've always liked Billy's father. You mean Hector Smith? Of course I like Hector Smith. He's one of my best clients. Why don't you marry him? Betty, your father and I've always thought... Just a moment, Margaret. I'll handle this. Betty, you're 17 years of age. You're in your first year at the university. You will not marry Billy Smith or anyone else until after your graduation. That's final. Graduation? But that's three and a half years. I'll be over 21. Why the best years of my life will be gone? Well, darling, we can always have Bud push you up to the altar in a wheelchair. You're laughing at me, and I think you're horrid. You're just old-fashioned, both of you. You've forgotten what it is to be young and in love. You don't seem to understand that things are different now. Oh, Betty, nothing's any different. Things like that don't change. They do, too. Things change all the time. People change, customs change, everything changes. Only you won't admit it. Oh, darling, why don't you listen to your father? Things are no different now than they were when we were your age. The young people wore different clothes, and they sang different songs, but fundamentally they were the same, and even then boys and girls didn't rush headlong into marriage, not until they were ready for it. You bet they didn't. They listened to their fathers. They were willing to benefit from a lifetime of experience. Why, when I was courting your mother, I remember one... Mother, how old were you when you married father? Well... I... Yes, mother. I was 17. But that was different. Why? Well, because things were different in those days. The, uh... The people were different. The times were different. You said they were. Well, they were. Uh, some of them were. Some of them weren't, and some of them were. Only the ones that weren't were more than the, uh... Margaret. Betty, um, don't you think it would be a nice idea if Billy and his family were to have dinner with us tonight? Oh, mother, would you? Really? Margaret, I don't want to Smith for dinner tonight or any other night. I think the idea of a dinner for the Smiths is not only ridiculous, but unnecessary. I forbid the marriage, and that's bad. Oh, Jim, you know you like having people in for dinner. The Smiths are very pleasant, and you might be able to sell Hector some more insurance. Yeah, that's right. I might have that. But look, Margaret, I'm going to have a tough day at the office. I couldn't take a dinner tonight. Let's make it next week. Uh, next month. Dear, we can't put it off for even a day. I'll call the Smiths and see if they can make it. Shall I tell them dinner will be at 7.30? 7.30? What's the matter with 6 o'clock? I'll be starred by 7.30. Jim, it just isn't done. Well, it's going to be done tonight. We'll have dinner at 6. I'll ask them to be prompt, dear, at 7.30. Hey, Mother, can we dress? I mean, can I wear my new dinner gown? Can I, Mother? Oh, please, can I? Betty, there will be no dressing for dinner. But, Father, I... Mother, please. I'm sorry, darling. You know I never contradict your father. After all, your father knows best. It's been a long day for the Henderson. The specter of a fair young child, married and gone before her time, has hung like a paw throughout the day. It would have, that is, if the Henderson's hadn't been so busy. Jim, you see, had a hectic day at the office. Six, why, you robber? How about the two strokes in back of that tree? And don't tell me those snakes followed you over from the last hole. Uh-huh, at the office. Bud has been involved in the intricacies of a higher education. But, Margie, it's helpful riding on a bicycle. What? Look at all the fresh air you'll get and the beautiful muscles. We could even... Margie? Hello, Margie? Kathy has been involved in serious plans for the future. What do you mean they don't take girls in the foreign legion? Margaret? Well, Margaret has been very busy cooking an extra special dinner for the Smiths. And if there's one thing Margaret can do, it's cook. Yes, sir, Margaret. If there's one thing you can do, it's cook. That's what I always say. You see, now we can proceed. Uh, proceed. Thank you, Hector. Would you care for another piece of pie? Margaret, please. I've already had two helpings. You have three. Kathy. Another cup of coffee, Hector. Nothing like a cup of Margaret's piping hot coffee. Well, if you insist... Hector? I guess that better not, Jim. You know how it is, doctor's order. Oh, sure. Well, how about you, doctor? One cup of coffee is quite sufficient. Well, I'm a two-cup man myself. You know, I was reading just the other day. Jim, it's not that we don't enjoy your informative little talks. But I was under the impression that this dinner had, shall I say, a more or less definite purpose. Oh, you mean... Oh, sure, absolutely. You know, I had a long talk with Hector before dinner. Jim, dear, I hate to interrupt, but don't you think it would be a good idea if Bud took Kathy to the movies? In the middle of the week, I certainly do not. I think... Oh, I see what you mean. Bud, how'd you like to take Kathy to the movies? Oh, Bud! I wouldn't. I can't think of anything I'd rather do less. Well, that's fine. Here's a dollar. Have a good time. Oh, Dad, do I have to? Yes, you have to. That'll be enough of that, Kathy. But I'm surprised you ought to be glad to take your sister to the movies. I'd rather go with a gorilla. You don't know what she's like. She never even looks at the picture. She sits around backwards and stares at the people. Well, you can come home right after the show. If I'm still alive. Good night, everybody. Come on. Hey, stop pulling! They're children. They mean well, I think. Oh, the mother... Yes, Betty? Mother, Billy and I have been talking and... Billy, you tell them. Um... Yeah... Would it be all right if we went to the movies? Oh, no. Oh, I should say not. We're here for a purpose. A very definite purpose. Yes, sir. We have a problem to discuss and we're going to do it right now. Frankly, I think the whole thing is idiotic. Imagine discussing a ridiculous subject like marriage with these... these children. We're not children, mother. We're quite adult. We have adult minds, adult bodies, adult passions... William! Before, Hector and I had a long talk just a little while ago. Right, Hick? Right. And we're in complete agreement right? Right. We both feel that open discussion is the only sensible procedure in a matter of this sort. Right? Right. Hector... Stop being so agreeable. Right. I mean, yes, dear. Myron, Elizabeth... Hector and I have agreed on what we consider a very sound solution to the entire problem. We have decided to permit Betty and Bill to be married immediately. No! Holy cow! I've never heard anything so outrageous in my entire life. Hector, get your hat. William, we're leaving this instant. I'm not going, mother. That's Elizabeth. I'm 18, mother. I've got a mind of my own. I love Betty, and we're going to be married. Wow! I never... All right. Now that's settled. You're going to be married. Oh, mother, isn't it wonderful? I don't know. Yes, sir. Nothing like marriage and responsibility to set a man straight. Where do you kids figure on living? After you're married, I mean. Oh... Well, we sort of figured we'd... Mother, couldn't Kathy move in with Bob? Then Billy might be able to... That's ridiculous, Betty. You've got to have a home of your own, a place for your roots to take hold and grow. Right, heck? Right. Well, gosh, that'd be kind of expensive. And on my allowance... Oh, don't worry about your allowance, Billy. Married men don't go around taking allowances from their fathers. They don't. Of course not. They're too proud to be supported by their fathers. I'm... Sweat and slave, but you come home every week with a juicy pay envelope for your little wife. Isn't that sweet? But I don't know how to do anything. That's not so. Poets make a living and Mother, he writes the most beautiful poetry. I'm sure he does, dear. Billy, recite the one about my hair. It's just wonderful. Oh, Betty. Well, it is. Raven tresses on a lofty brow, swept by the winds of time. Isn't that beautiful? Well, you could get a small house, a poet's size. See, Jim, I saw an apartment advertised the other day. Be just right for the kids. A hundred and a quarter a month furnished. Of course, that's without utilities. You know, gas, electricity, telephone. And food. Don't forget food. That's right. And laundry and cleaning. Oh, they won't have to worry about that, Jim. Don't you remember when we were first married, I did all our laundry and cleaning and cooking. I'm sure Betty will want to do at least that for Billy, won't you, dear? I guess so. Betty? Yes, Billy. Could I talk to you for a minute? Privately? Of course. Can you excuse us, please? We'll be right back. It's all right, kids. Take all the time you need. We're in no hurry. Are they gone? I think so. Jim, we did it. Yes, sir. My golly, we did it. Oh, it was nothing, really. Jim, stop looking so smug. What was nothing? The psychological attack I planned for tonight. You see, I felt our wisest possible course from a tactical standpoint. Lay in a faint to their left flank and it drives through the middle. Do you follow me? Yes, dear. Right up to the part where you started to talk. Margaret, the whole thing is elemental. Yes, and very clever. We pretend to give our consent. That's the faint. Believe me, I almost did. Then we hit them with both barrels. The cost of living, the struggle for existence. They retire in disorder. Their armored units are smashed. Their rear guard is demolished. What a fight. Dear, dear, the enemy is back. Oh, uh, come on in, kids. Everything all settled? I think so, Father. Pretty much settled, sort of. That's fine. Now, uh, what did you finally decide? You know very well what we were forced to decide. We have to wait. Why, Betty, I thought that you and Billy... Mr. Smith, you don't have to continue the ridiculous performance you and my father were putting on. Betty. Oh, Father, you can be so juvenile at times, really. A part of it. A hundred and a quarter a month. We know some kids have one for 45. You older people ought to get straightened out on the simple facts of life before you start fooling around with psychology. Jim, your mouth is open. Oh, well, uh... Now, see here, both of you... Just a moment, Jim. Betty, exactly what do you and Billy intend to do? Well, as long as our families are determined to exercise parental prerogatives, we'll just have to wait until we're financially self-sufficient. Right, Billy? Right. Well, I know. Betty, how about how long do you figure it's going to take you and Billy to become financially independent? A few years. Well, that gives us a little time to look around for a wedding present, eh, Hector? That's right, Jim. A couple of years. It's a long time. A lot of things can happen. Hector, how about another cup of coffee? Oh, thank you, Margaret. I think I can use one. You know, Margaret, I'm very relieved. I'm so afraid of hasty marriages. Don't mind us, Mother. Just go on talking as if we weren't here. Oh, I'm sorry, dear. It's just that I was so afraid you were going to make the same mistake I did. Oh, I wouldn't exactly say you made a mistake, Elizabeth. Heck's a pretty nice guy. Well, thanks, Jim. Now, you can send me a check in the morning. I suppose I have been fairly fortunate. But of course, people aren't always that lucky when they marry beneath them. I suppose not. But when they what? Elizabeth, we'd better go. It's getting late. Wait a minute, Hector. What was that crack you made, Elizabeth? Well, after all, my mother was a styluson. And I certainly... In other words, you think Betty isn't good enough for your son. I'm sure that isn't what Elizabeth meant, Jim. That's what she said. Well, isn't that what you said? Lizzie? Dare call me Lizzie. Why not? Your daughter isn't good enough for that puny excuse of a son. Nah, just a minute, Jim. Writing poetry. What makes you think he's such a bargain? My boy has a fine head on his shoulders. What shoulders? I've seen better heads on a small beer. That's all. This is what comes from slumming. Slumming? Now you listen to me, Elizabeth Smith. Your mother may have been a styluson, but my father spent half his life picking your father out of the gutter. And he wasn't lying down just because he was tired. I'm going to faint. Hector? I'm going to faint. Go ahead, dear. I'll catch you. You ought to be ashamed upsetting my mother with your vulgar insinuations. Vulgar? Why, you little pipsqueak? If you were my son, I'd vulgar you so hard you wouldn't sit down for a week. Fortunately, I am not your son. Peasant? Peasant? Don't you dare call my father a peasant, Billy Smith. Don't you dare. Well, that's what he is. He is not. He certainly is. Well, I'd rather be a peasant than a pipsqueak. Don't you call me a pipsqueak? I will if I want to. Pipsqueak. Peasant? I never want to see you again as long as I live. Well, you won't if I can help you. You're just a napkin. Just a minute, dear. Say, Jim. I, uh, sorry. I lost my temper, heck. Oh, that's all right. Say, Jim, that, uh, that thing about Jim, that thing about picking Elizabeth's father out of the gutter is, uh, is that true? Sure, it's true. Why? Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. She pulled that stuyvesant stuff on me again. Well, uh, thanks for a lovely evening, folks. Uh, Lizzie. We started with breakfast and we might as well finish the same way. Let's drop in at the Henderson's at breakfast time the very next morning. The average children are still getting dressed. The average mother is racing around the kitchen and the average father. Jim, where are you going? I got a rush, dear. I can't stop for breakfast. It's just time to catch the bus. The bus? Never mind what I said. Just tell Bud if he gets one scratch on that car, I'll bring it. All right, dear. I'll be home at the usual time. Be a good girl. I'll try, dear. Oh, Jim. Yes? The car keys. The keys? Oh, they're on the dresser. Uh, on top of Kathy's two bucks. Jim. Now what's the matter? Remind me to tell you, you're an angel. I'm a dope. You are not. I've got witnesses. Oh, well, why should I argue? After all, father knows death. Others of our cast are Robert Young is Jim Henderson. June Whitley is Margaret Henderson. Rhoda Williams is Betty. Ted Donaldson is Bud. Norma Jean Nielsen is Kathy. Robert Young will soon be seen in RKO's Baltimore Escapade. Ted Donaldson may be seen in Warner Brothers' Decision of Christopher Blake. Others in tonight's cast were Virginia Gordon, Herb Bygren, and Sam Edwards. Music was written and conducted by Roy Bargay. Father Knows Best was conceived and written by Ed James. Entire production under the direction of Herb Samford. Bill Foreman speaking.