 Simple Show Foundation explains Schultz von Thun's four sides model. This is Tim. On Sundays, he likes relaxing with his girlfriend, Sandra. But sometimes the mood changes very quickly, and they suddenly start fighting, without even knowing why. Tim wishes he had an instruction manual for these situations, like a kind of checklist. And he's not the only one. Many psychologists have spent a lot of time studying communication. They have developed several different models. For example, Schultz von Thun's well-known four ears model. This is designed to help with communications problems, to better analyze and solve them. This is just what Tim needs. Does it mean he has to grow a new set of ears? No. The model was originally named the message square, and is also called the four sides model. The theory states that every message contains four different pieces of information. These are factual information, a self-revelation about the speaker, a message about the relationship between the speaker and the listener, and an appeal. Every message is intended to have a certain effect. Usually we only consciously convey one piece of information, but all the other elements of the message are subconsciously received by the listener. And he then decides how he chooses to perceive them. Tim's statement, the window is open, could lead to problems between him and his girlfriend. For him, the appeal is the most important part. Close the window. But the other facets are also important. I don't want to do it. I'm too tired today. My girlfriend likes to help me. She knows that I'm stressed out. Sandra hears the appeal, but she interprets the other facets quite differently. She hears, I'm lazy, and my girlfriend is my servant. The factual information is not actually very important for either of them. Why does everything have to be so complicated, thinks Tim? There are many factors that can disrupt communication. Tones and gestures, biased expectations and attitudes, or fears and concerns, can all lead to misunderstandings. Personal history can also play an important role. So what's the solution for this problem? Talking. The miracle cure is called metacommunication. Communication about communication. But you have to be brave to face self-criticism and to share your feelings. Questions like, what is our relationship like? And why did I answer back? Can help here. Awesome. And even if they do fight again, Tim doesn't have to worry. He now has a better understanding of lots of problems and can handle them more thoughtfully. Now he's looking forward to the next weekend with his girlfriend even more.