 Welcome to today's episode of the mindset mentor podcast I'm your host Rob dial if you have not yet done so hit that subscribe button since you never miss another podcast episode And if you're out there and you love this podcast You want some extra tips and tricks to improve your mindset? Go to Monday email calm right now once again Monday email calm every Monday I send out an email to everybody on that list tens of thousands of people About what I'm doing to improve myself and some tips and tricks to improve your mindset a little bit more than just what I teach In the podcast so if you want to learn from that go to Monday email calm It is absolutely free and you'll start getting an email from me in your inbox every single Monday today We're gonna be talking about you. We're gonna be talking about that. There's nothing wrong with you You're gonna talk about the fact that you are not broken and that you are fully 100% perfect as you are in this moment Think about that for a second. Just allow that to seep into your bones. There's nothing wrong with you You're not broken you don't need to be fixed and you're perfect as you are How does that feel does it feel good? Does it feel like that's bullshit? How does that feel inside of your body? In my line of work, I have seen a lot of things I feel like I've seen it all every type of abuse you could possibly think of people have told me their stories of mental abuse physical abuse sexual abuse of suicides of people that they love of Attempted suicides themselves of people that they love getting murdered of rapes of everything like the worst of the worst of a human experience I have seen people that come out to me and tell me these things and All of the terrible things in the world and what I always have to go back to is That there is massive trauma in this world Trauma that's happened in this world and trauma that people have gone through Maybe you've been through trauma. Maybe you haven't been through trauma We've all been through some trauma, but maybe you're thinking to yourself like oh mine wasn't that bad I was just bullied in school or something like that But your trauma doesn't have to be this massive thing in order for it to really leave a deep scar Some people had great parents. They had great upbringing. They didn't have to worry about their food But still something happened to them. They were heartbroken in a relationship. They got cheated on and Some people feel bad because they feel like the life has been pretty good It hasn't been that quote-unquote bad and they don't deserve to feel like they have trauma And I'm here to tell you as we go through today, and we start talking about it As you start to hear this I want you to realize that trauma is trauma inside of the body There's no like hey, there's trauma is bigger than this one trauma and the way that it is stored is trauma inside of the body and we all have some scars From going through our life. It's just the way that life is You know some people I've heard people that have been beaten I've heard people that say you know my dad worked all the time and he never gave me love and they think that because her dad Worked all the time to give him a great life that their trauma is not that bad as being beaten or having something that's happened to them And so you can hear other things away the other things that necessarily wouldn't think would be trauma be trauma But it affected them in a traumatic way and some I'll talk about trauma and traumatic in just a minute But they could say something like my dad worked all the time and he was never around or you know My mother loved me, but she would pull her love away from me whenever she was mad Or they could say you know my mom She was great, but she was very fearful and she and steer instilled fear inside of me Because as her child because she was afraid in some people's trauma is neglect sometimes It's emotional like sometimes it's physical neglect all of these types of things Store inside of the body all of those things in the brain and in the body are trauma big trauma Quote and you can't see me if you're just listening podcast, but quote-unquote big trauma quote-unquote small trauma That's a human measurement right of what is big and what is small trauma at its simplest form is Not getting something that you need from your development Or something that happened to your development that might have been not very good for you It could be a big event that closes you off to development later on in life in some sort of way, right? It could be Having your heart broken when you're 16 years old and then you store that and hold on to it And now you don't open up fully to your next boyfriend or girlfriend Or maybe you're not even fully opened up to your wife because of that event and trying to protect yourself and so The one thing and the reason why I'm saying this one thing that is very common that I see among people is That people feel like there's something wrong with them because of these things and they feel like there's something wrong with them because those things Were shit they sucked right, but they haven't been able to heal past that thing and it's not easy I'm not gonna tell you that this is easy But what I'm trying to tell you is that whatever happened happened Because there was probably something that you were supposed to learn from it And that sounds like that makes no fucking sense for some of these things and I get it because I don't get it But I know that every time I meet somebody who's gone through something really bad in their life When they worked through whatever that thing was and they heal They find a really big lesson that changes the course of their life through it and so we feel broken We feel like we're not whole we feel like we're not worthy we feel like we're like good enough We feel like there's something wrong with us And we feel like we don't deserve to be happy or healthy or wealthy or successful and we're basically feel stuck It's like being in a straight jacket And a thing happened to us and we bring that thing with us the rest of our life And it becomes a part of us because of an event and it stays a part of us And so let's not go into like the really deep Deep things like I spoke about at first Let's talk about just an example of being cheated on when you were 17 years old 18 years old Whatever was like your first big heartbreak we can have that happen like I said a minute ago and then get married and then not open up fully to your spouse because you're still trying to protect yourself because there's a part of you that's like Protect protect protect remember that thing that happened in past protect And we can literally close off a part of ourselves Because of an event that happened at some point in time in our life And so an example of if you've been listening to this podcast for a long time one of my favorite thing in the world I Love them is three-legged dogs because there's such a great reminder. There's such a great reminder of They lost a leg and they have no idea they're still With four legs and with three legs. There's the same amount of happy. There's the same amount of love There's the same amount of joy. Maybe they run a little bit slower, but they're still running They're still they're still hobbling around and they're so They're the perfect example of what we should try to be regardless of circumstance that happened in the past, right? We work through them we learn through them we get better through them You might be saying well, yeah, but the dog doesn't remember that they used to have four legs Sure, maybe they do maybe they don't I don't know what dogs are thinking, but there is a Version of themselves they used to be there was something that happened to them And there's a version of them self now and for us There's a version of who we used to be there was a traumatic event and then there's a version of our self now and you know like a great example this is My dog Toby Last year started losing his eyesight and I remember us feeling bad for him Because he was losing his eyesight. He's kind of bumping into stuff and I felt bad I remember feeling bad like man this poor guy like he doesn't see like he used to But Toby didn't feel bad for himself. I Was feeling bad for him. It was the human construct. He didn't feel bad for himself He was still the same dog just a little bit more cautious, right? But he was the same dog same as the dogs they get a leg cut off and I have three legs instead of four they don't feel bad for themselves and So they haven't thought that something's wrong with them like Toby didn't think there was something wrong with him because he wasn't seeing As well as he used to and so many humans say like I feel broken I don't feel whole like I've had a lot of people come to me and have something traumatic happen to them I can think of specifically one one lady that came to me after a speech that I gave Probably about five or six years ago. She told me of something traumatic. I won't explain the details to you guys but she said to me I Feel like I'm her phrase was I feel like I'm not whole I feel like there's a part of me missing and like a part of me was stolen and In that case what I had to do was kind of wake her up from this story that was running in her head She told me this traumatic thing. She said like I feel like I'm not it was it was terrible It was fucking ridiculously terrible, right? That somebody had to go through what she went through she said But I feel like I'm not whole I feel like I'm broken and so to try to take her out of her story I was looking at her and I was like, huh what What part of like do you have all ten of your toes and she's like yeah, I was like do you have all ten of your fingers? Yeah, or you got both your arms you got both your legs you got a head on your you got two eyes You got two ears And I was like what what part of you is missing and she's like well like what do you mean? I was like well you said you feel like something's missing you feel like you're not whole you feel like you're broken Where where's the missing part and she's like It's I don't know. It's just a feeling and I was like, okay Do you see how when I when when you look at the physical part of the human like there's nothing that's actually missing and she's like Yeah, and I was like so do you see that because of the the events that happened in your life? You now feel like there's something missing, but there is nothing missing and that's a story that you're telling yourself and she's like oh Shit yeah like I I do and it was kind of like a I didn't change her life through this conversation I don't think but It's kind of an awakening of like oh This is a story. I'm telling myself and so when we look at trauma there is something that happens There's an event that is traumatic and then there's trauma Which is the story that the feeling that we are carrying with ourself after the event is over So the example if we go back to a three-legged dog The traumatic thing could be they were hit by a car and they had to get it leg removed That was traumatic But they don't have trauma because they're not bringing that event with them into the future We as humans we can bring an event with us and place it into our future for the rest of our life If we don't become aware of it because it's a story that we're telling ourself it might be True it might not be true. I don't know but what what the important part though Is that we believe the story and the story can actually be the thing that's holding us back And we repeat it to ourselves all day every day all day every day and it's like A song that's playing in the background and we just can't get that story out of our head Let me rephrase that we can get that story out of our head a Lot of times we're just not even aware that story is playing in the background And we're we're telling ourself a story and over and over again And we're lying to ourselves about not being whole about not being good enough and not not being about being broken about Not being worthy of love or worthy of what everybody else has or whatever it might be It's a story that is actually a lie, but we believe that lie And you know there's a famous person that said if you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it Eventually people will come to believe it Let me say that one more time and I'll tell you who said it If you tell a lie big enough and you keep repeating it eventually people will believe it Do you know who said that Hitler? Hitler was the one that said that if you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it Eventually people will come to believe it. So what we do in our own head is exactly that thing We start lying to ourself and telling ourself a story and repeat it over You're not worthy of loving other than it's subconscious deep in the back of our head It's you're not good enough. You're not worthy of love You're not worthy of love you're not worthy of love remember when that person cheated on you You're not worthy of love ever you gave your entire heart to that person they broke it And we tell this story and we've been telling it long enough then now we believe it. It's not that you're broken It's not that you're unholy. It's not that you're unlovable. It's not that you're unworthy It's not that something is missing is that you won't stop repeating the story to yourself Which is us taking a traumatic event and bringing it like something could have happened to to you know Like I could take my example I you know most traumatic thing that ever happened to me and I always use this as an example is My father passing away, you know, November 1st 2001 over over 20 years ago at this point. That was traumatic but that happened once and I could bring that story with me the rest of my life and that is me Repeating the story and bringing the trauma with me. There was an event Which is traumatic and there's trauma, which is me bringing that event or that story with me It can't be your identity. That's the thing that we have to realize What we went through what you've been through could have been crazy could have been terrible could have been fucking horrible But it doesn't have to be a part of you It doesn't have to make you feel like you're less than or that you're not as worthy as anybody else of anything on this entire earth One of the the meditations that I love to do is Through a guy his name is Muji M. O. J. I'm he has these morning meditate He has meditations that I do in the morning sometimes and one of them one of the ones that he says I've mentioned this before in the podcast is That you have no pockets There is no storehouse In the way that I take that maybe it's what he means Maybe it's not but the way that I take it when he says you have no pockets like am I I'm wearing pants right now I'm wearing, you know khaki pants. Are there pockets on my pants? Yeah, there's I got two on the sides and two in the back So I've got four pockets on me, but my physical body has no pockets I don't have a storehouse of things that I can put thing in to put things in and what that means is I was born into this earth Naked I'm going to die into this when I eventually die naked. There's nothing that I could do Say create Buy a mass in my entire life to make me more or less than Who I always have been And so when you really get that deep inside of you of like there's nothing I could do that would make me more worthy There's no amount of money I could make that would make me more worthy. There's no Thing that I could accomplish that would make me better, you know, if this podcast grows and it becomes the biggest podcast in the world I'm not better Then you know five years ago five years from now if that does happen then I am right now in this very moment. I'm not better By getting the number one podcast in the world. I'm not better If I make millions of dollars every single day. I'm not better than I currently am and you right now are not worse Then the right now then the the future version of you that you see you will always be the exact same Version of the person you will always be you it's just a different Life that you have is different circumstance You know, if you tell A child, you know, if you have children you tell your child every single day that there's monsters under the bed Every night when they go to bed, they're going to be terrified to walk into that room to go to bed What monsters have you been creating in your own life? Because you're telling yourself a lie the same way that you're lying to that child and telling them Over and over and over again that there are monsters under the bed. They're going to be terrified about going into that room or going into that bed It's a lie But you've been doing the exact same thing with yourself. Oh, this thing happened to me and I'm not worthy This thing happened to me and I'm fucked up. This thing happened to me and I'm not good enough Thing happens to me and this is the reason why I'll never succeed or never be who I want to be or why I don't deserve What other people deserve And this is this is what becomes hard about personal development is personal development when you first get into it You're like, yeah, this was awesome. This is exciting. But then you start to see What you want to be and you realize that you're not there yet Like you want to you see the person that you could be and you could be quote unquote improved You could be a more expansive version of yourself because I don't I don't like to say improved because improved means to say something that you will be better Means that you're automatically worse at this point in time And so I like to say expansive You're more of an expansive version of yourself as you learn and grow and all of those things And when you start to see all of the ways that you can grow You start to look at yourself and go well, that means I'm not good enough right now And you can start to see yourself in a negative perspective Just I'm I'm negative. I'm just trying to get to normal. I'm trying to get past all of my shit And so how do we solve this whole situation? I'm gonna give you a couple steps to actually solve this situation The first thing I think is most important As you start to work through these is just talk to someone Shame breeds in the dark And so if you feel shameful find someone that you trust you could talk to about these things Because the way that you view yourself Is not the way that someone that you love views you That's definitely not it Like if you're viewing yourself in a certain way and then you go to Your best friend you go to your spouse you go to your boyfriend girlfriend your parents Whatever it is someone that you like deeply trust more than anybody else and you tell them how you feel Just getting it off your chest. It's going to make you feel a million times better But you'll also be able to see their reflection of you and realize that what you're thinking about yourself is not actual Reality It is not absolute truth It is this fake truth that you made up in your own head So first thing I would say is is as you're processing see if there's someone you could talk to even If you don't have anyone that you want to talk to or You're ashamed to talk about these things Find a therapist find someone that can help you work through these things Someone that you can talk to and get it out because shame breeds in the dark That's the first thing That I think you should do second thing I think you should do is tell yourself a new story Stop the story should be first off identify the story you've been telling yourself And then start telling yourself a new story whatever that might be and repeat it all day Find a phrase or a sentence that you you've been you're now identifying this old story that you've had Find a new story and start repeating it over and over and over and over and over again So that it is it is ingrained into your being because that's what we really want us people to do that you know if you look at Everything that you do how many times are we telling stories that aren't actually true? And so what we got to do is identify the story come up with a new story We want to tell ourselves and start telling ourselves that Because it can get stuck in your head good or bad So if we have the bad stuck in our head we might as well get the good stuck in our head Like if I were to put on right now spice girls And I would have played this in the pot I can't play on the podcast because it's I don't have the license to it But if it was just like I'll tell you what I want what I really really want So tell me what you want what you really really want and I play that for 30 seconds 99% of the people who leave this podcast are going to have that shit stuck in the head the rest of the day, right? Can we get the story we want stuck in our head the same way that we can get spice girls stuck in our head? That's what we're working towards so tell yourself another story is the second one The third thing is to accept accept who you are except what you've been through Except that you know, you wish it would have been different, but it wasn't we've got to accept and we've got to move past it Step number four not an easy one But I did a podcast episode on this a little while ago is forgive Forgive the person not for them if somebody did something to you don't forgive them for them Forgive them for you and I don't have time to dive into this one I did an entire episode on forgiveness and the importance of it and exactly all of the way that we should look at forgiveness I think it's one of the best podcast episodes I've ever created because I went so deep into it And after I got done recording and I was like damn I think that's going to help a lot of people and really helped that it does Go back to that podcast scroll back and find the one on forgiveness and go through that That's the fourth step is to forgive so that you can get rid of it not to help them feel better about themselves But for you to be able to get past it and then number five is to realize that you're not broken Your trauma builds you into the person that you are There is wisdom in that trauma gab or mate a psychologist that deals with trauma specifically has a Documentary called the wisdom of trauma Talks about how we learn and grow and there's a lot of wisdom and lessons in trauma that we can grow from And you can build a new identity in yourself from that trauma. Can you see that thing and go? Yes This is what I was given. It was fucking hard. I really didn't want to do it But that's not going to be the death of me. This is going to be the the building point of me the new version of me That's what I was What I was given in this world so that I could become something different And when you can start to do that and build realize that you're not broken You can actually rebuild yourself like the phoenix from that trauma that happened to you And instead of it holding you back it actually propels you forward into becoming the absolute best version of yourself Because you're not broken You're not fucked up. You're not unhauled. There's nothing wrong with you. You are perfect as you are So once you realize it is when things get a lot better So that's what I got for you for today's episode If you love this episode, so please share it on your instagram stories and tag me at rob dial jr. R. O. B. D. I. A. L. J. R Also follow the podcast on instagram. It is the mindset mentor podcast once again the mindset mentor podcast on instagram And i'm gonna leave it the same way they view every single episode make it your mission to make somebody else's day better I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day