 Welcome to Sister to Sister. This is really gonna be a good show. We have a question about the desire to get revenge. And when does the hurt of losing someone stop and does God give us too much to handle? I never give you too much to handle. You kind of do, stay tuned. Welcome to Sister to Sister. You're gonna be glad you're with us today. We're glad you're with us today. We are a show of five women, Godly women, and we bring the questions and problems of the world. We bring answers from the Bible to you. So glad you're here. This is really gonna be a good show today. This first question, hmm, hmm, is desiring revenge wrong? Don't forget, you're watching a Christian station. Yeah, Corey, it's not wrong. Okay, I don't know. I have like different perspectives on this. First of all, causing another person harm never undoes the harm that was done to us. Okay, so that's first of all the thing. But in the Psalms, we see often the Psalmist expressing prayers to the Lord that they want the Lord to carry out vengeance, okay? So I mean, we know vengeance is mine, sayeth the Lord that's in the Bible. So the Lord is the one that carries out, is the one that will carry out ultimate justice and vengeance. And he tells us that many, many scriptures that tell us that we're not the ones to carry out revenge or vengeance. But the question is not about carrying out vengeance. The question is, is it wrong to desire revenge? And so I look at that. I'm trying to look at this from a biblical view. It's what we're supposed to do. And I'm like, there's all these Psalms where the Psalmist is like praying for vengeance. Right? But David was being chased all through the mountains indeed. Okay, but is it based on your circumstances? Like is it like, okay, well, David had really bad circumstances, so he was okay. So my perspective on it, and I want to hear what the sisters have to say is where to take that desire for revenge to the Lord in prayer and give it to the Lord and say Lord, because I think that's what the Psalmist is doing. Like there's revenge in the Psalmist's heart and he's taking it to the Lord and he's saying, bring this to my enemies and bring it, like Lord, this is what's in my heart and I need you to take it. And I need, so for me it's like that's what's in my heart. I need to take it to the Lord and I need to like say Lord, you take it because ultimate justice is yours. And I need you to take away and pray that there's not a root of bitterness that grows up into me. Yeah, but Jesus said, here Corey, slap this side of my face. No, and that's about taking out revenge. That's right, that's about taking out revenge. What do you think? I think you can be angry and sin not. I mean, some things are just wrong and they're not right, but here is what I've learned, okay? Cause I mean, I've had to drive people, buy people's houses that I'm thinking, oh Jesus, help me, you know, cause it brings up, it triggers it, all those emotions and feelings in the situation and it was wrong and you can't publicly express yourself and it's confidential and you've really got to give it to God. So what I have to do, cause it takes me a while, but now that I've got my system, I can bounce back pretty quick. And I'll just say, I'll drive by and say, I forgive you. I forgive you, I can't even pray for you right now, but I forgive you, I forgive you. Then that turns into, I'm gonna pray, I'm gonna pray for you. God, I pray for them and their families and then sometimes it turns into God bless them. I ask you to bless, and it doesn't necessarily, it's not necessarily for them, but it's a lot for me and my heart. For you listening, did you get that? It's not for them, it's for your heart. What do you have? Revenge. He, the scripture says that I desire truth in my most inward parts. And so I have to ask God to sanctify my desires. Now, if this question, and this isn't what the question said, but if the question said, Flo, do you ever desire revenge? I would have to be real honest and say, in my Medea boy, sometimes folks just need to be God. And Jesus, you taking a little too long, but the real, the biblical answer is what I gave you. Now, how do we get from that part of, Jesus, you taking too long? And they need dealt with, and I am purposely being loving to them so them colds cannot them out. Keeping colds on them, okay? I have to give God my desires. Yield your members to righteousness. And my desires are part of the members of the makeup of my soul. And I have to allow the Lord to work. Do you have a scripture for this though? I bet, I hope. Well, I have a thought. My sisters were speaking and Corey began. Remember when Peter drew his sword in the Garden of Gethsemane? Yeah. Because he knew they were taking Jesus, so he wanted to fight. His intent was good. His intent was good, but he did it the wrong way. You know, he took the sword, lopped the soldier's ear off, and Jesus goes and heals the soldier. Right, that's right. It's like Peter was, I'm sure, thinking I'm defending you and you're doing this. And it says that God's vengeance is much better than ours. Peter took a sword and hurt one man. God, a vengeance, is greater than anything we can do. So if we leave it to him, and like Medea, Flo said, it is so hard to do. But once we hold back, as the sisters said, we wait on God. But remember this also, we don't fight flesh and blood. That's right. That's what Jesus was trying to tell Peter. We fight the principalities and powers of the air that sometimes lead people to do the wrong things. And then as Amy said, we gotta pray for them that they come back. Isn't it terribly hard? So I hope you got from everybody about this revenge and vengeance question. It's really good. I like the New Testament answer, which is Jesus said if they want your shirt, give them your coat too. I'm gonna go to the next question. I recognize I tend to hold myself back from people trying to get close to me. How do I put myself out there and build relationships but protect myself from getting hurt? And this person was hurt more than once. She wrote to us, sometimes it doesn't seem worth it. Is it worth it, Amy, to put yourself out there? Yeah, well, Jesus needed friends and friendship. And if he needed it, how much more do we need friends and friendships? Will you get hurt? Yes. Will it be terrible at times? Yes. Will it be beautiful at times? Yes. But a suggestion that I would make is some people try to put all of their friendship needs into one person or into two people. And I read a great book and this girl was just saying develop circles of friends. And this will set you free because now you don't have two people trying to meet all of these different, but you have your three close, you have your 12, you have your 72, you have your community, you have your community of believers, you have your family circles. I have a little friendship with my sister-in-laws that we're texting and I have a prayer circle of friends and peers that are in ministry friends and mentors a little circle of friends and the soccer mom friends, we're texting, right? You know what I mean? It's not like it's all in one person and if they hurt me, my whole life is crushed because you've taken the time to develop many circles of friendships. The lady asked, is the effort worth it to develop friends? Yeah, I mean, I'm just reminded that to have a friend, you need to be a friend too. And I think people forget that. I mean, there is effort in friendships and I think sometimes people just think like, oh, come to me, you know? And it's just like, no, yes, there are efforts in relationships. Whatever the relationship is, there is going to be effort. And the other thing you have to remember is that we're human beings. We're imperfect human beings. And I think sometimes we expect perfection in our friendships and it's just not gonna happen. We're imperfect people and imperfect relationships. And so I think you need grace and boundaries. Grace and boundaries. And so whatever those may be, you need to set those and that you're setting yourself up for success in your friendships. What do you have? I think anytime that you get ready to protect yourself, you are making yourself your own God. So this is where you have to, this is what you're working. What's gone on inside of me? What is that triggering inside of me? Something probably happened that I need inner healing from that won't allow me to get close. That breaks that connection. You know, when you deal with children or people that maybe have the different lines of like maybe Asperger's or autism and they can't connect. And that may not be your diagnosis, but I'm saying inside of me, you don't know what has happened in my life that now I have kind of vowed. Let me just give you this example. I was like super, super close to my grandmother. And when she passed away, I vowed, I made an inner vow that I would not love like that again. Because that kind of love when I lost her, the pain was so deep. You see? So then I began to, until I married and had children, I did not love like that, you know? So what all did I miss out? You understand what I'm saying? It's a trauma. Right, it's a trauma. Do you have a scripture on this friendship thing? We're just like on the same wavelength here. I have to tell that person, don't despise the day of small beginnings in Zachariah. It's not about you and your hurt. You're right. Reach out to the other person. You don't have to open up about your own life first. Ask them questions. What are you doing? How was your day? And actually wanna know what's going on? How are your kids? You don't have to start with your own feelings and what you're doing. It's not about you. It's about him and what he wants to do through that other person, through you, to reach out to bring out that other person that flows as might be hurt, might be harm. And remember, Amy said in the beginning, Jesus had friends, so we have friends, I like it. But speaking of friends, this another person wrote something and she said, I was sure he was the one. I was expecting a proposal, but he broke up with me. I'm so sorry. How could I have been so wrong? Now I have to see him every Sunday at church. Well, what do I do? Roxanne, help her. Oh man, this is a good question. Something's going on really wrong here. Either he's defrauding, misleading her, or she's dreaming. Right. You know, some of us dream and everything's in our mind. Hey, don't knock the dreamers. He says one word and you wrap your life around the one word. Yes. Cut it out, think realistically. Wasn't that the plot of Legally Blonde? Yeah. It's my favorite movie. There you go for all you Blondes. I'm a fake brunette, but anyway, it's all great. But second Corinthians pulses, we didn't wrong you. We didn't mislead you. We didn't corrupt you. We got to think about that in every relationship. What are we doing in our relationships that do we like ourselves and want everybody to like us that we mislead them? Was he misleading her? You know, the Bible says for young men to treat older women like their mother and younger women like their sister. So cut it out if you want flirting and you don't mean it. And then if you're the woman or the man that's dreaming and hanging on a word, look at yourself in the mirror and look realistically, what did he really say and why am I thinking all these thoughts? Well, I wanted to add this so good because one of the things that I think about is the somebody versus the someone. And there are some people that are body collectors. You know, I just want somebody. Just give me somebody, you know. I want a companion. I want somebody to go to the show where I, you know, I just want somebody. But that doesn't mean that he or she is the someone. That someone I believe is handcrafted by God and there should be something in you. If it's a man, something in your side ought to feel fulfilled when that one comes along because you understand what I'm saying, you're helping me. If I'm a woman, I ought to feel safe that the alpha male should not make me feel intimidated. It should excite me because it ushers me into a place of safety. What I wanted to ask about is the last part of the question that says, I have to see him every Sunday at church. So what do you say? Because you've got people. I know. They like each other, then they're not together and you're like, I don't know what to do. I mean, here's the thing. Okay, for the dreamer girls out there, that I mean, if a guy, I'm assuming he's not using you and abusing you, you know, and just trying to get something from you, but this is a real relationship and he's opening the door for you. He's taking you out to there. He's telling you, I love you, right? And he's texting you in the day and he's thinking about you and all of a sudden you're on a date and you're expecting like the next step and he says, I want to break up. I mean, that's like deceiving and wrong. But what I would say to this particular girl, not knowing the whole situation, thank God it's now before you're engaged rather than you're married to El Flaco Waco who's going to diss you before you get married or why you're married. Like, I would say, thank you Jesus for saving my life. And I don't care. I hope he sees me at church cause I look good. I don't necessarily think he's deceiving or a Waco like sometimes you're just dating and like one person's on one wavelength and the other person is just like seeing things that aren't there. Like, you know, sometimes someone's just like, oh, they want to be married so badly. And the other person's like, you're too close to something. Like if you stand super close to a television, you are not seeing the whole picture. And if when you take a step back, you see the whole picture you see and you're like, oh my gosh, I see it all. And so that maybe the girl is too close to it and she is not seeing that there are cracks here. There are problems. She's so wants it so badly. She's not seeing that they're not compatible, that they're not right for each other. And he's like, oh my gosh, this is not the right relationship. And you know what? This is the right thing for them to break up, okay? And you're right, it's going to be super painful. And the farther, you know, time heals all wounds type thing, the farther away you get from it, the more you're going to be like, oh my gosh, that was the right decision. It doesn't mean that it's not painful and it doesn't hurt. But you know what is painful? That I have to stop talking. Yes! Yes! Nobody! We don't want to stop! You stay right there. We will be right back and we will talk more. We will be right back and we will talk more. We will be right back and we will talk more. We will be right back and we will talk more. Welcome back to sister to sister. The conversation continues with great questions that you send us and we answer from our hearts, as you can see. This question is really good and it's sad in a way. And it says, when will the hurt of losing someone stop? So I'm going to come to you. You know, I don't know that it ever does. That's right. I really don't. I do think that, I mean, I've lost numerous people in my life as I'm sure some of you have, you know, I talked earlier about my grandmother. I buried my mother and my father. I buried two siblings and recently my husband. And my sister that we, you know, put to rest was her birthday is December 13th and I found myself crying and it's been several years. My grandmother has been over 40 years, you know. And it, it just, it just goes on. So I think, but what I have learned is grief is a sign that you've loved. And so if you will just allow yourself to go through the process and it grief doesn't necessarily mean death of a person could be a death of a dream of a, you know, relationship or even of a job, whatever. But what I have learned is when I allow the hurt my pain as I yield it to the Lord it actually becomes a seed of grain. And then God can take it and sew it into the soil of the brokenness of what happened in me what happened with the brokenness of my own soul, you know. And in some plants, some water, but God gives the increase, right? And so the love of people that God has put around me, some that have walked through this already. They are seasoned, they speak into my life. They get it when I'm not getting it. I don't have to explain myself to them. It gets very old when you have to keep explaining to someone how you feel. They don't get it. You might commit to lunch with them and, and maybe we said we're gonna go do lunch in a movie but I might do lunch and it feel like I can't handle the movie, you know. So I think the key thing for me is learning to allow Holy Spirit to take that hurt and do something with it without me denying that it's there because denial does not bring deliverance. Do either of you have something for the, when will the hurt stop? You know, the scripture says as Flo was speaking that precious in the sight of God is the death of his saints. It's something that's precious to our Lord because he knows it grieves him as well. It grieves us as well. And you know, when she was talking about the seed, the scripture says unless a seed goes into the ground and dies, it can't bear fruit. And they were, he was talking about Jesus. Unless Jesus, there's a purpose even in death and that's hard to understand. When my dad died, the Lord gave me a scripture in Revelation that the deeds of the righteous will follow them. I was meeting people I never knew that loved him. You know, and that was comforting. There was comfort in those words in his actions. So, you know, realize to look for, it says be thankful in everything, not for everything. So when I became thankful for the works of my dad, when my nephew died, I became thankful for his 27 years. Something released in me that yes, God, you gave this precious gift for this time. I didn't want it to go yet, wasn't ready to let it go. You had to teach me, but I'm thankful that it was there. And like Flo says it's the best, that it doesn't ever go away, but being thankful in it is a beautiful thing. These questions are so perfect for you too. And this is a perfect question too. And someone wrote, I feel like God has given me too much to handle. Does God do that? Amy, does God do that? You know, I remember going through a season and it was one traumatic thing after another. And it just felt like, you just don't know what to do because it was just, it was like all around. Sometimes it's like one thing here, one thing there. And then other times it's just raining, you know, on the just and the unjust. And then when I'm watching other people go through the same thing and you just see it coming, you just wanna rescue them and take them up. But sometimes you just gotta find that peace in the middle of the storm and you've gotta just know who God is, know who you are, know that he's faithful. Know that this is not the end of this book and the end of your story. This is a part of it. And there's victory coming that, you know, you're not gonna have to stay there for the rest of your life. Something is going to shift and change to help you. Because that was a thing our parents used to say, God will never give you more than you can handle, right? Yeah, I mean, I don't know when this became like this Christian saying and why people think it's like comforting. Well, my mom, so it's been a while. Yeah, I mean, I just, I don't get it at all. Like it's not a scripture verse. And so it's just, I don't know where it came from and I don't believe it's truth because yes, sometimes we do have more than we can handle. And guess what? That's why we need to lean on the Lord. He is, he gives us the strength. We on our own can't handle it. We need the Lord. We need to realize we can't lean on our own understanding. We need to lean on the Lord's strength. And that's why it says, blessed are the poor in spirit for they shall inherit the kingdom, I'm sorry, what is it? The kingdom of heaven. Because being poor in spirit means you're relying on the spirit of the Lord to sustain you. So yeah, you know what? He does give us more than we can handle so we can rely on him. He says take my yoke, my yoke is light. What do you have? Yes, yes. The other issue here is when you were saying about where did that come from? I think it's first Corinthians where it says God doesn't give us more temptation to not have burdens than we can handle, but he provides a way of escape, in temptation, not in burdens. Why do we need God if we don't get more than we can handle? But it's not always God that's doing it. It could be our flesh. It could be bad decisions. It can be influences or evil influences, but if God permits it, yes, he is there as a rescuer. And he says his burden is light. His yoke is easy, but Jesus also said, and that's the balance of the scripture, in the world you will have tribulation. You're gonna have trouble, but be of good cheer. I have overcome the world. Jesus says I overcame that. Like Amy says, you are going to get through it, but by his grace. All right, and don't forget he says right in the word of God, and it's in there. It's in Matthew. Matthew recorded it, and he says, I am gentle and humble. You shall find rest for your souls, for I give you only light burdens. So trust him with your troubles. We'll be right back. What a great show we had today. Talked about a lot of really great things, a lot of heavy things, but we always end with the word of God and today's scripture can be found in the Psalms, Psalm 70, verse five. But I am afflicted and needy. Hurry to me, God. You are my help and my savior. Lord, do not delay. We talked about vengeance. We talked about loss. We talked about sorrow and just so many heavy and sad things, but we have a God who cares about even the sparrows outside. How much more he cares about you and I? He knows the number of grains of sand on the shore. He knows the number of hairs on your head. He cares about you and I so much about the little things and the big things in your life. If there's something today that you need prayer for, or you just want to know this God that knows all those details, call the number on the screen today. Oh my gosh, I loved that. And I loved this show because we touched on lots of things, heavy and light. And we end sister to sister with this scripture that goes like this, as iron sharpens iron, so does the countenance of a man or a woman. And in my case, these girls, these sisters, you see, they always make me a much better Kathy. We'll see you next time we are sister to sister.