 Welcome to another Course in Miracles live broadcast and today I have two of my dear friends that are down in La Casa de Milagros in Mexico, Amelia and Lucia. So welcome, thank you for coming on with me. Thank you. Thanks for having us. Yeah, it's so beautiful because I had done like these restream lives one with you and Amelia when you were in Bali and then Lucia when you were over in the UK and that was quite a while ago. It may seem like a long time ago considering all the shifts and changes. I know Amelia, you know, even you're getting to the United States it was loaded with all kinds of experiences there in Bali and then we were in touch and then meeting a friend of mine Ruth when you landed. Ruth was like, I wanted to have make sure that you landed there and were safe and then she offered to come and get you at the airport and bring you to her house and you had all kinds of encounters and Lucia, yeah, that was a big leap for you to come from the UK to Mexico, probably nothing like you'd ever done before. So and both of you are part of an intern program there at La Casa de Milagros which is so healing. It's just, there's so much healing that occurs and I think that's why I wanted to have you on just to hear a little bit from each of you how the healing has gone because it's kind of pretty huge in terms of really spiritual healing we could call it. So yeah, as either of you want to go first, share. Do you want to start? Yeah. Yeah, well what's what's happening for me at the moment, I think it yeah is, yeah all around sacrifice and feeling I think when I first came I don't know, I sort of dropped everything, got here, left my boyfriend, left my career, left everything to come here and I think I felt yeah I felt a lot of fear and I'm still feeling a lot of fear but I kind of had a bit of a pop, a breakthrough yesterday with one of the other interns here, Andrea because I was I was crying and I was I was just like why why am I feeling so much fear all of the time like all of the time like surely it can't be this hard like I I don't know what's going on and and she just said you're denying yourself, Lucia, don't deny don't deny and she was like David always tells me don't deny don't deny and I was like what do you mean deny and she was like she got her notebook out and she said right what do you want what do you want and I was like I don't know I don't know what I want and and then she's like no in your heart honestly what do you want she was like stop trying to be spiritual stop trying to be a good course of miracle student good community member you know trying to watch everything you do and say like just just in your heart what do you want and I hadn't let myself do that this whole time like I hadn't let myself really connect with what I actually want and I went through everything like I want I want a relationship I want to have you know I love performing I want to perform I honestly want to be being an an actor I want to sing which is all the things that I used to do um I want I want to see my family I love my family and I want to have lots of friends and she and so she's like this is great this is great we're just writing it all down and it just felt like oh my gosh like this huge release like oh Jesus isn't asking for any sacrifice from me and I thought he was like I thought I thought he was asking me to just trudge along you know trying to be I don't know trying to find God through whatever like some sort of like strict none or something and I was saying to Amelia maybe I was like a nun in her past life and had to like sacrifice seemingly sacrifice all these things and yeah so we just wrote it all down and then we just prayed and she said Jesus if you want me to have any of these things you show me you show me the way you show me what to do and you know if any of these things are supposed to come into my life they'll come through you and it just felt so good yeah some sort of big big release for me and now and now I just feel like this spaciousness where I can really yeah I can enjoy being here and healing happens you know it's like intense you know when you have reflections from other people and day your thoughts and and I've had huge reflections of jealousy and comparison from myself to others and others to me and then and and my whole kind of career has been about that has been about you know who's better who's worse and I had a beautiful joining with Marina today actually and she was like you want everyone to shine like you want you want to shine and you want everyone to shine and that's how the healing happens because yeah it's like we can all shine together and that's what needs to be given out so there's no competition and just just yeah it's just like yeah so yeah I feel good today what a heartwarming thought for everyone I think we've got 46 viewers and everyone got to hear that you want to shine and you want everyone to shine you can feel the love and the warmth in in that and and the blessing what a blessing too to send that prayer out to the whole universe yeah thank you for sharing that that's beautiful yeah yeah and Amelia how how has it been for you well yeah wow I mean yeah there has been so much like both like just feeling a love that I have never felt before and then also a lot of fear that comes up and doubt thoughts and yeah during the night or in the morning like this fear creeps in and I'm also feeling it a little bit right now and yeah we also talked a little bit about it before we hopped on like just it is a lot being here in community together and going through this together there is a lot of fear that comes up and and yeah I mean for me I have been kind of like hiding I think and not really being myself and then I I came out on Facebook not long ago where I just shared my journey because I was just like oh my god I just want to be free I want to be myself and yeah that was just like a really big deal for me because this the course and Jesus it's so new to me and and yeah I realized like within the last couple of days actually where I've been taking a couple of days off like I just felt like Jesus was really like really calling me like in a way of like I needed to really know him and feel him and be with him and trust him and and then I realized that I did follow him I did come to community I did follow but I realized I still had some kind of control inside me like wanting to control the future wanting to control outcomes and yeah and and for me my call right now is like I'm just like in surrender surrender surrender to him and like I give up like I tried it my own way like I'm trying to make myself happy and pursue all of these goals and I'm just like oh my god it was a mess I was in the darkness and I didn't even know how much in darkness I was and yeah it's just a journey of dropping the mask and not trying to be someone not trying to yeah become someone it's really the opposite it's very humbling and like I don't have a clue and I need to just follow and so yeah that's that's really what's going on for me right now it's really really surrendering to Jesus I'm knowing that he helps me and yeah I'm only here to be helpful I'm only here to follow like I'm not here to try to become anything or figure out my life like the opposite please take it I don't want to figure it out anymore like please can someone just leave me now hmm so yeah that's really what I've just been praying about the last couple of days like I'm surrendering to you I surrender surrender like please like I just want you I just want you and yeah that just feels so good oh yeah what a prayer what a prayer of the heart just of surrender I surrender to you guide me lead me point the way and and and then of course then any kind of thoughts that come up or anything that we see reflected sometimes with family friends sometimes with our our peers or those that are around us it's it can be quite intense like Lucia was saying to see the reflections so close the mirrors so close and it's kind of funny too with this world where there's all these different pathways and they seem to be very different in terms of pathways and religions and everything but but to be transparent like both of you are to just to be authentic and to trust that that it's highly individualized you know it we go through this trusting and letting go but it looks different for everyone and there's no need to feel like we have to do it a certain way or have to defend the way that it looks or whatever little by little it seems like we get more trusting just to to keep our our constant contact and attention on what we feel in our heart and really go with that and learn to trust our intuition in our inner guidance and not feeling we have to fix fix ourselves or or fit into certain kind of standards uh like we've been so used to that with our programming you know looking outside of ourselves and comparing and how does this work and how am I doing how does it measure up you know that's that's a lot of the past programming that we're just letting go of and it seems like when we let go then that makes a space for things to really just unfold and we can start to just appreciate oh here's what's happening now here's how it looks now instead of trying to you know make a judgment about how it looks now just oh okay this is how it looks now interesting yeah yeah i would have never seen myself here that's for sure like this i would have never figured out on my own like never it's the opposite of where i was going but yeah when you feel the prompt inside and you just feel like something is calling you like yeah you have to trust that there's a reason why my heart is like screaming and like please go do this like you just need to surrender to that and and trust that you are loved and that someone got you yeah yeah i think it's really valuable for a lot of people that are tuning in that you you both uh melia you and danmark and then you see you and uk you know you you grew up you you had your educations and trainings and took maybe some steps along like a career path and so on and so forth and then and then both of you seem to have a it's just a strong spiritual calling we could call it you know we don't have to give it any kind of specific name just a strong spiritual calling and then and then the steps came and started to present themselves to you to kind of unwind a bit i know melia you went to bali and that was a very important aspect step and stage in your healing to kind of unwind from danmark and a lot of the maybe the pressures that you were putting on yourself there and and then lucy with you you know it's you were getting quite established there uh in acting and kind of on a career path and everything and then i guess you told me you kind of just kind of played it out in your mind like okay if i played this out for some decades how does it feel and in that sense you you kind of brought it back to your inner calling like is this really the way i am i'm meant to go which is a huge thing to to just give yourself permission to to do that and then when you do take the steps sometimes the fear comes up some pretty intense fear like what am i doing am i wasting my time and oh my gosh i never saw it going in this direction and those kind of thoughts but both of you have really kept kept the faith uh kept hanging in there with it so and i think too with both of you too you had some times where there was even intensity seemingly between the two of you and then you you've had like a joining where you said let's really sit down and let's just join here because this is getting pretty intense or pretty wow so you know that's a beautiful thing too to kind of go toward each other when the friction was seem to be there when the conflict was there that's very encouraging i'm sure for everyone watching like really you can do that go toward someone instead of running as far away as you can that's that's quite amazing actually yeah i was so grateful to Amelia because i just felt like i was i didn't know i thought yeah i was denying a lot of my my attack thoughts and we have all of the expression sessions here and you know say your attack thoughts to release them and i kind of went through a whole period where i didn't even know that i wasn't doing that like i wasn't i was afraid to do that and then it all came to her head and then yeah i just exploded and had to say all of my attack thoughts to everyone and um and then Amelia just said and yeah she said we can join and we can say them together and yeah it was just like i was like wow like so grateful that someone was willing to kind of join with me to do that and however it looks or whatever you know however it feels it was just like yeah it just felt very very loving and like this this deep commitment to heaving through with each other and yeah maybe you can carry yeah it was really cool actually because it just it showed me like the ego has no power like i felt actually closer to Lucia after even hearing attack thoughts and everything that we want to kind of like no don't share keep it to yourself but but yeah i've been feeling a lot closer to her since we we're beginning to share and yeah it's and also what we discovered was when we were sharing that what the other person was sharing a lot of the thoughts were our own thoughts so it's not really personal it's not anybody's thoughts it's just the ego trying to make us believe that these horrible things are true and yeah i don't know it's just been very healing and very beautiful and yeah i don't know it's something i've always been very scared of i thought i would never be able to do something like that but yeah and last time we joined um i had an experience where i just saw her as like completely innocent like she almost turned into a child i saw her like as a child so i was just like oh my god you're so beautiful and innocent and it was like what she was sharing i couldn't even hear it i'm like you never did anything wrong you're innocent like i just i don't see it i don't hear it it's not there but then i saw that i i saw it in myself like but i i'm still like guilty and shameful but i you're not so i saw that but it was just beautiful for me to get to yeah like just see this transformation and just see yeah my brothers and sisters as innocent like that's the path and yeah i'm grateful we had the courage that day yeah it's it's neat because it's such a huge temptation like for me it's like taking it on you know is that you take the knife out of your brother and then you take it into yourself and i just kept doing that and then yeah it wasn't like releasing anything and and i still have big trouble in in releasing it and letting it go like i think yeah i think it's real and putting onto it and the more yeah say the more we join more we go towards each other the more yeah you can see the impersonal in the personal nature of the thoughts and yeah it felt really healing yeah that's beautiful though that you you hung in with that and and could feel the the blessing or the benefit of it sometimes it is hard to transfer it all the way around to yourself but you can feel like that's the movement that it's to free everyone including yourself and and then also with applying for the internship program so it's collaborative projects but also i think things can show up like i think lucy you were saying oh there's some opportunities to dance or to sing you were mentioning uh how has it been for you have you had anything kind of coming up through the collaborations that you really felt strongly drawn to or some some things recently where you felt oh i i'm going to give my self permission to express or extend in a little different way than i had before and and has it been freeing that way yeah i we did a singing session yesterday and um yeah it felt like it's all for me you can see that every time you do a session or you you know it's like it's all for me and i just expressed beforehand i was like i yeah i feel like i have so much fear of judgment of other people judging me you know it's just like yeah because of my career it's been a constant judgment all the time and being here has shown me that that is what i'm most fearful of really and so i just yeah i think i wanted to sing without that fear without that feeling of judgment and just to really not care about what it sounds like what anyone's thinking about preparing beforehand and and yeah and then also sang at the worship session one of the worship worship sessions and yeah i was like for the first time ever in my life i didn't have any of those attack thoughts towards myself and i didn't have the the thoughts around preparation either like i need to i need to do breath exercises or i need to prepare some whatever i used to prepare and just really sunk into Jesus and just felt so much power and i was like oh my gosh if only i'd known this back then that i could i could tap into this power it would have saved me a lot of um i don't know a lot of time so no that i wrote yeah i really didn't have to do anything other than enjoy what i was doing and tune into that and yeah yeah but i was also telling david the other day about how you just like i want two days off i want to spend two days with jesus and that really inspired me so i was like i should do that more that's great that's great to take it to really when it comes so on one hand it's it was for you to see a kind of letting go into the the singing with with just being fully in the moment being like done through with no sense of performer evaluation and then yeah for Amelia for you just just saying oh i need a couple days off i need to just have intimate prayer time uh with jesus that's the most important thing for me right now is to connect in that way and both in both cases it it does seem to take up a step of faith uh to do that and then you feel the the blessing that comes from that little leap of faith it's just beautiful yeah yeah we need to trust those prompts that we receive it's really important because it's yeah the ego can sneak in in so many ways like with the singing oh am i just doing it for attention and taking like two days off like oh you're just lazy and will the other hear judge you like it's it's that all the time like we need to really like tune in and ask why where's this prompt coming from like otherwise it's yeah it's too much yeah and then it really carries you because you really feel it when you when you hear the prompt and you follow it and you feel the lightness and the connection and the joy then that's very convincing like oh i i want to hear the prompts i want to follow the prompts because sometimes people will say to me oh i i don't i don't feel connected to spirit or i'm not capable of hearing and and i said well it's a it's a process of building trust building faith and and following the prompts when you do get a prompt and and then feeling the release the joy of following it it takes it away from us thinking we have to do something personally or we have to personally figure it out to oh there's there is one within me that's going before me that loves me that's you know showering me with blessings and opportunities and that's a big one that's a big one this inner inner listening is no small thing because for many people's religion and spirituality are just really repeating a lot of rituals are doing what they're told to do by external you know people and beliefs and externals and at some point you know i think when when there's obviously too much reliance on external people and authorities and symbols then there gets to be more of an emptiness like almost like going through the motions and of course i think a lot of religions you know there's a lot of fear under there so so it's almost like trying to get caught up in rituals and and caught up in repetitions to avoid looking at what is the fear underneath and this is more of just i guess real self honesty like when there's fear acknowledging it and saying interesting there's fear coming up there wow that's interesting and then giving yourself time to kind of pray with it and be with it a bit to say what is what is underneath this and i think that's why people just adhere to specific belief systems because there's a fray like oh my gosh if i take the lid off and start questioning my beliefs um where's it going to end is it going to end in chaos or or bliss for many people there's too much fear of going deeper so they you know cling to the the rituals or the platitudes you know those kind of things so it's beautiful you're both very courageous that way to to take such a close look i was just thinking maybe you could talk about the fear david the fear of because yeah yesterday i sat with it and i sat with the fear and it was like sitting with it but without kind of going into any stories and just really feeling the emotion in my body and it feels so deep like the fear feels so deep like there's something there that's just kind of unexplainable or something like and maybe you can talk on that yeah there's there's actually a section in the course of miracles and the title of this section is the fear to look within and i think what's underneath it is this sense of that you know different spiritual traditions and psychologists and psychiatrists will talk about the unconscious mind and with a sense of you don't know what you're going to get that's why it's unconscious it's out of mind it's pushed out of mind and there's this carl young called it the shadow and different people have different names for it but but i think that's the sense of of uncovering and being able to allow the darkness to come up and face some emotions that seem to be a bit destabilizing you know everybody wants stability but we don't really want a stability that's based on just a bunch of ego defense mechanisms so we're bouncing around from one defense mechanism to the next trying to hold the mask up when this journey seems to be about lowering the mask and letting our guard down and trusting and seemingly being a bit vulnerable in order to get in touch with what what it is we need to face and release so i think um you know there's one point in the course of miracles where jesus says you know you you you think you're afraid of the unknown but you're really afraid of the known because god is the known but to the ego god is the unknown you see so it's the big mystery who god you know just the word god brings up so many emotions that can be very intense but i started to just see for myself like well um it's kind of interesting that i would be afraid of something without fully knowing what that something is you know when people talk about afraid of god jesus is saying how curious that you haven't really gone deep enough or really examined if god is love why are you so afraid of god you know from jesus's perspective but i think it's it's a fear of loss of control a fear of loss of personal control you know those are the kind of things that we face when we're used to doing things kind of from an egoic defense mechanism to try to keep keep control you know like with many people and in their relationships and their careers there's this voice inside them it's like keep it together keep it together at all costs keep it together but we have to take a look at what is the it that we're that we're working so hard to keep together you know why are we trying to keep the mask together when the mask seems to be hiding something wonderful that's much deeper so you know it's kind of like the story of Humpty Dumpty you know who who is egg who has a big fall off the off the wall and then at the end all the king's horses all the king's men couldn't put Humpty back together again we're used to trying to keep that egg together we're used to trying to keep appearances together you know we put a lot of work and energy to keep it together and i've noticed over the years that when i go deeper with spirit that things start to disintegrate and fall apart and unwind and and i've learned to trust jesus where he's like good good good this is good you've been putting a lot of effort keeping it together now why don't you let it fall apart and and trust that i'm there for you and god's there for you and and you don't have to you know keep up the pressure of trying to measure up or trying to fulfill some kind of standard of belief or standard of society you know that you can actually be meek and gentle and loving and feel wonderful without holding on to the mask so that's kind of what i think the fear is it's just seems like the fear of the unknown but i think it's more the fear of the known fear of knowing that we really are yeah yeah i was thinking about community as well and how yeah it's like a symbol of god in a way because it's like i need to feel loved to let let stuff go so it's like yeah i need to feel like i can express around everyone and that it can crumble in front of people so that yeah i didn't know there's some sort of letting go in that and trusting and then in that i can trust not hiding from god anymore because i'm not hiding from my brothers community i mean i feel like hiding a lot so it's also the yeah gaining trust of everyone everyone around and knowing that i'm loved yeah yeah beautiful because i think it's a good training ground it's a good mind training ground but but the transfer of the training is so beautiful like you were saying when you were with andre okay what do i want in my heart i want a relationship i i like to act i love my family and and in all those cases you would want to to feel congruent you would want to feel harmonious you would want to be in a relationship where there is open communication and open sharing a deep connection and intimacy with the family you would want the same thing you would want it for yourself and for everyone else that they are free to express and and be open to communicate as part of the healing process and and even with acting you know of course when we see the all the great movies and the great actors and actresses throughout history because i have quite a few friends that are just they're just like movie buffs like me they we've seen so many movies uh and we're always giving each other tips like have you seen this one before did you see this one so there's a big kind of a community of of sharing but what we love about certain actresses and actors is the feeling that they're just so in tune in the moment that it's just it's just coming through them you don't even think of them as acting you know it's so uh authentic and believable and it's so uh expressive and showing it's the same way with an athlete or with uh with someone who's a musician or a singer you know when they're really in the zone or in that connection and flow there's such a connection that's just shared with everyone and i think that's what you're talking about when you feel i want a relationship i want to act and i i want to be able to sing and do the things that i love i want to be done through by the spirit in an individualized way it's not like a cookie cutter approach where everybody's got to do the same things or say the same things or say them the same way it's more just being really connected and authentic so that's what i see both of you doing i just think since the first time i interviewed each of you you know uh if we go back and look at those those interviews and then this one there's probably people will be like whoa what happened it's not that long of a span of time actually you know for for these uh kind of transformations to occur it's actually fairly brief wow it feels like years ago like that's how i feel like i'm not the same at all like my whole mind brain whatever everything is completely shifted and i was thinking like of course we feel fear because everything this the the way the mind works what we thought of the world everything is upside down now and i mean it's like taking a bad egg back and shaking it and like let's try something new and wow yeah you just you never know what's in your best interest you never know what is your path you don't know anything like it's it's amazing and it's not nothing is what it seems like like it's not and yeah i i feel like everything has changed for me my every like my values are completely different like yeah everything the goals the way i thought i should live my life the direction i was going i mean i thought i was toward the path of everything i ever wanted and yeah it's not it it's it's something that is not in this world it's something internal it's it's the connection to spirit and yeah yes it's completely crazy to think back that's why it's so scary because it's so fast go from one thing people know you as this person and now i'm different it's like it's a bit yeah it's scary but it's like you cannot not do it like if you feel it so strongly how can you not you just have to and trust that i'm going to be fine on the other side and the fear and the judgments whatever i will face it's not true it's not real you just need to keep like shining the light and be the love you have to yeah but yeah oh my goodness yeah i do remember i would i remember on some of my trips i would have so many miracles and i would go through so many seeming shifts inner shifts and changes that even on the way back from like a five and a half or six week trip i would think okay i'm going back to my seeming hometown and wow this is going to be interesting this is really going to be interesting to see how it unfolds because i'm just going to show up and be myself as it's as i feel it and and show up and but also it was good because i i really sensed like i wasn't in charge of it um i wasn't they didn't have any kind of outcomes in mind i wasn't trying to convince somebody or change somebody's mind or persuade somebody to be a certain way i was just showing up and enjoying the joy and the lightness of of the experience so i guess demilia you you do have a a trip that's coming up on over the horizon is back to to denmark so that that right there is interesting but probably no more interesting than you with your beauty i saw your beautiful facebook post and and i thought wow there it is that there was so many uh wonderful reactions uh uh comments that came when you really just uh kind of said here i am on facebook and you know in that sense you really did it you've already done it that's true jan i really saw that that's like by me going through that fear and being like this is who i am i'm inspiring other people to do the same because i people reached out out to me and was like wow they're so inspiring i just want to let you know you're so inspiring even though they are not like spiritual or anything but they were just like wow that's so brave and yeah it's not i mean we just have to go through it and then we will be fine we just keep walking that's good well for all of our people that are tuning in live you know just there's another quotable quote you just have to go through it and we will be fine very matter of fact well this is great i'm so grateful that you both took the time to to come on again and just be so authentic and transparent and you know i think that a lot of people do still have a little curiosity about about what it's like to to be in in like a spiritual community i mean because when we just look at at what we seem to know from the past whether it's been maybe we didn't have a lot of experience with spiritual community or maybe we saw some movies of like st francis or mother teresa or something and formed some ideas and opinions based on well that's oh that looks like that's what it's all about and then had a reaction either wow i like that i'm going to go toward that or i'm never for me i am not going to touch that with a 10 foot pole i know andy andy page you know when he first i was even contemplating i think he was taking one of the online courses the doorway a little taster and going through it and talking to his his friend nicholas saying well yeah this is these are some good ideas and i'm enjoying going through this taster and really enjoying it i don't i don't plan to live in community but but this is what i feel is resonating for me and then now he's he's been in community for for some years since his early 20s and i think he picked up the course when he was 18 and and jumped into community when he was in his early 20s and and now it's actually like a there's like a rhythm with it like a gratitude like oh i'm i'm so grateful but but i think for a lot of people that are tuning in too just just hearing what you are sharing is is helpful too because they do have their curiosities like what's what's it like with no private thoughts and no people pleasing what what are the communications like what are the expression sessions like are there lots of expression sessions or or few uh and you've even shared lucia that sometimes even with expression sessions you you weren't even aware that you were hiding and protecting things so it's like an ongoing discovery yeah yeah i didn't even know yeah we have expression sessions in the morning and then we have one at lunchtime and yeah i think for a while i thought well i kind of see now that it's a that it is it's just like peeling the onion if that's kind of what it feels to me at the beginning it was i had so much deep deep sadness i was just crying and crying and crying it felt like existential crying just like like what is going on like and then it kind of softened over time and and then i started expressing kind of fluffy stuff that's kind of how it felt like fluffy you know like oh i'm fearful and then and then slowly it's getting more and more specific and i was kind of having a girl myself for not expressing that way before but i feel like it's all a progression and it all was perfect really because it's just the fear leaving and i can express my attack thoughts specific attack thoughts without feeling like i'm bad or that i'm going to be attacked back or you know just to really to really yeah i've got a huge prayer to release the idea that we can hurt each other hmm that is such a big prayer of mine like we can we that we can't hurt each other amen amen that's a big one yeah yeah yeah i just also want to share that yeah for me i was just like i've always been such a people pleaser and being like shy and i mean in the beginning i felt like this is torture this is just horrible to sit here and like the fear it was so intense but yeah it gets better and we are all here to heal and to love each other and like that should not hold anybody back if if that's really a calling for someone like yeah like it's all gonna be fine and i mean i can say i'm still live i'm still breathing i'm happy it's gonna be fine it's just yeah and it's beautiful because you really get i think you touched on it a little bit like yeah we want deep down to know that i am i am lovable even though sometimes there are attack thoughts or whatever and we we have to keep going towards each other so we really get to have the experience of being truly loved like we have never experienced before because we're really trying to take off the mask and not be perfect and be real and share and yeah it's really yeah it's really beautiful to get to experience that like wow we can experience real love like like that's not hiding or we we're not perfect like we're not trying to be anything we're trying to take off the mask little by little every day and and yeah yeah i should not hold anybody back for sure like yeah that's beautiful experience the real love that's not the the performance you know it's like uh when uh i think one time when i went to the dictionary i i looked up the word act and it said to impersonate was one of the synonyms and and it's really kind of an amazing thing when you start to really get in touch with with the the healing that's occurring and the willingness to just let the thoughts come let the emotions come and not try to hide and protect them all the time take so much energy to hide and protect to like hold the mask up and now when we're letting the mask down it's it's like we're giving ourselves permission to say i don't i don't have to act and i don't have to impersonate anymore i can just be the real me i can just be as i am and it seems to be that's where there's there's more energy there's more vitality there's there's more passion when we're not trying to uphold something and keep something together in form so i think you both are good examples of of that just keeping the trust and faith and staying with it to the point because it does take trust to kind of move let things move through and then start to feel the release like lucia was saying like even the release of this deep seated belief in sacrifice like which is where there's a lot of tears you know like when you were crying there you were kind of crying for the whole human race it sometimes did like that you know like wait a minute these are not just tears these are deep sobs i i i feel like i'm i'm lamenting something and grieving something for the whole human race and i've had i went through many years of that too i thought i was tempted to think there's something really wrong but somehow it felt like it was helpful in some way or i needed to go through it and i felt sometimes i would say oh my tears came for so many years it was like i became the Niagara Falls and uh i wasn't at that time so interested in being around people but i had a dog chipper who actually appreciated my Niagara Falls and would would lick my cheek and almost like keep going uh and i thought this is great this is better than i couldn't afford a therapist this good he's such unconditional love and a little pink time treatment lick my tears i said this is this is really allowing me to let them continue i didn't even know why it just felt like oh my gosh i don't know what what's happening here but i think you know you both have they've got a bit of a taste of it um and and yeah beautiful that you you had the faith to hang in there when things seem to be going that way with all those intense emotions that's incredible forever you can do this you can do this as you said uh Amelia i think we'll be fine we'll make it through yeah well thank you so much for taking time i'm sure everybody uh appreciated it too and um if anyone's watching and you want to go back and check some of the uh videos on on my youtube channel you can you can hear more at the beginning and now you're seeing the before and the after and as uh both of you have been saying it's been a lot uh it's like a big transformation it's like a total flip and uh that's not too common in the world the world's you know used to slow incremental shifts and i think both of you have had some pretty huge shifts actually and and you live to tell about it okay well thank you everyone for joining in and we love you and we're glad that you tuned in and i hope this was healing and helpful for you thank you thank you god bless