 The Jell-O program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Dennis Day and yours truly, Don Wilson. The orchestra opens a program with Run, Rabbit, Run. And now folks, here's our little geometry problem for the day. What is the best way to round out a square meal? Well the answer is easy. Simply serve a delicious top-notch Jell-O dessert and that solves the whole thing in a jiffy. For example, you might try a tempting mold of bright red cherry Jell-O with some juicy sliced peaches or other fruit suspended in its clear glowing depths. Now there's a feast for the eyes and a real swell treat for the taste, a masterpiece of radiant color and downright perfection when it comes to rich tangy flavor. Yes sir, Jell-O's delightful goodness has all the appetizing appeal of the right fruit itself, just the way you like it. So try some tomorrow. You're all set for a generous helping of rare enjoyment when you ask your grocer for Jell-O, America's favorite gelatin dessert, now better than ever. That was Run, Rabbit, Run played by the orchestra. And now, ladies and gentlemen... That's a second, Don. Wait a minute, wait a minute. Tonight I'm going to introduce you. What's the idea, Jack? You'll find out. And now, ladies and gentlemen, as is my annual custom, I bring you a man who today is celebrating his 17th anniversary in radio, a man whose genial personality and more than generous physique are known to all of you. A man I am proud to call my friends. That giggle-britches of the Jell-O program, Don Wilson. Well, do you hear that, Don? Yes, and thank you, Jack. It was darn sweet of you to salute me with that lovely tribute, but I really don't deserve it. Oh yes, you do, Don. Yes, you do. Seventeen years of broadcasting and look at you. Well, you're just as cheerful and gay and full of pep as the day you started. Well, thanks again, Jack, but you're wrong about my having so much pep. To tell you the truth, radio has just about worn me down. Worn you down? It certainly has. Well, it can't be anywhere near the hips. That I know. Look. Look who's worn down. Oh, you're always kidding me about my weight, Jack, but you'd be surprised how little I've put on the past few years. Go on, Don. Don't give me that. Your pants have to be let out oftener than Fido. But getting back to sentiment, Don, do you realize that out of the seventeen years you've been broadcasting, six of them have been with me? That's right. Six years working for Jack Benny. Four years more and you get a trip to Catalina. Oh, the maestro's here. What do you mean, Phil? I mean, instead of patting a guy on the back, why don't you give him more dough? Well, listen, Mr. Harris, that happens to be none of your business. If Don feels that he's entitled to a raise, let him ask me. Well, frankly, Jack, I... And let me tell you something else, Don. The reason I gave Don that big send-off is because we've been associated together for the past six years. I do as much for you or anybody else. Well, I'll tell you a funny thing, Jackson. I went to a fortune teller the other day and she told me I wasn't going to be with you much longer. No kidding. That's what she told me. Well, Phil, sit down and write her a testimonial. That dame's got talent. You know, Phil, there are times when... Oh, hello, Mary. Hello, Jack. Congratulations, Don. Well, thank you, Mary. It's sweet of you to remember. And, Don, here's a little present I bought for you. I hope you like it. It's a musical cigarette case. A musical cigarette case? Open it, Don. OK. What do you know about that? Say, that's a catchy tune. What is it? That's the Jell-O signature. You've been playing it for three years. What is it? Oh, boy, that's a swell present, Mary. Thanks a lot. You're welcome, Don. And that isn't all. I also wrote a poem about your anniversary. Mary, you can mail that to him. No, I want to hear it. Go ahead, Mary. All right. What's the title of your poem? To Don Wilson, my friend, your friend, and everybody's friend. And a friend in need is a friend, indeed, by Mary Livingston, that friend of the kid. Well, you've got enough friends there for eight fireside chats. Go ahead, Mary. Oh, Don Wilson, oh, Don Wilson, you've been with us six long years. So tonight, we all salute you, and we give you three big cheers. Wow. You were born some time ago in a town in Idaho. Mary, Don was born in Denver. Oh, pardon me. I'll change it. You were born some time ago in Denver, Colorado. Colorado. And little did you realize that you'd be famous. Ain't it nice? Yes, it's very nice. Oh, what a day when Don was born. Excitement reigned from night till morning. The doctor said, gizooks and zounds. A baby boy weighs 32 pounds. Yikes! 32 pounds. But we don't care, Don, if you're like that, a rag, a bone, and a hank of fat. Mary. We love you, Don, because you're our friend. And a friend in need always gets it in the end, the end. That's very good, Mary. We will now have the shooting of Dan McGrew and Livingston. What a waste of time. Well, I think it was lovely, Mary. And I appreciate it. Yeah, that was a swell poem. Oh, hello, Dennis. When did you come in? At 32 pounds. Oh, and you didn't miss much. Well, now that you're here, how about a song? Although you just got here, Dennis, maybe Phil ought to play something first. It's up to you, Mr. Benny. Look, you better have the kids thing. We haven't rehearsed our number yet. You haven't rehearsed yet. Phil, this is Sunday, and we've been on the air 10 minutes. Look, am I worried? No, no, Phil, why should you worry? Radio is only a sideline with you. You've got a regular job at the Wilshire Bowl. Don't forget my cinema career. Oh, quiet. Sing, Dennis, cinema career. He photographs like a brand muffin. It seems that you were born under some unlucky star. And the sun simply won't come smiling through. While you seek your happiness, you will find it where you are. If you look at life, with a pleasant point of view. You'll find your bluebird sung by Dennis Day. And now, ladies and gentlemen, as our feature attraction tonight is rather long, without further ado, the Benny, if you like us, tell your friends, if not make off like you didn't hear us, players, will present their version of Mr. Frank Capra's great Columbia cinematic triumph, that four-star epic of the screen, that brilliant thrilling and sensational drama, Mr. Smith Goes to Washington. Thank you, Mr. Garner. Now, I will play the part of that fearless young United States senator as portrayed on the screen by Jimmy Stewart. Now, the part. St. Jack, I thought you were going to do goodbye, Mr. Chips tonight, and show off Robert Donat. Show off Robert Donat? Yeah, you were plenty sore last week about him winning the Academy Award. I wasn't sore, Phil. I merely pointed out that if I had played Mr. Chips, I could have won the award myself. So could Spencer Tracy or Paul Muney. Now, that part is right up our alley. Look who he dragged in the alley with him. Go ahead, Mary, laugh, scoff. I'm not ready to do Mr. Chips yet. But when I do, you will see as fine and vivid a characterization as has ever been presented to the radio public. I bide my time. Then I shall laugh. It's things like this that will drive me back to the May Company. You're a cinch for it if you don't watch your step. Now, Don. Yes, Jack? This being your anniversary, in our sketch tonight, you're going to play the part of Senator Wilson of Colorado, your home state. Isn't that nice? Yes, but Jack, as long as you're honoring me on this occasion, why don't you let me play the lead? Jimmy Stewart's part. Now, Mary, you're going to be my secretary. You know the part that Jean Arthur played. Oh, yeah. Gee, Jack, wasn't she great? She certainly was. You know, fellas, I was supposed to make a picture with Jean Arthur once and an aeroplane story called Only Angels Have Wings. But I didn't like the script, so I turned it down. What was wrong with the script? In the very first scene, a parachute didn't open and guess who was hanging onto it? That wasn't it at all. And Phil, getting back to the casting, you're going to play the part of Senator Harris of East Dakota. Wait a minute. There's no such state as East Dakota. All right, you can be the senator from West Dakota. That's more like it. Oh, brother. What a guy. Now, let's see. There's one more part. Dennis. Yes, please. You're going to be vice president of the United States and preside over the Senate. Here's your gavel. Oh, boy, that's well. Good. And we're all set. So our play, ladies and gentlemen, we'll go on immediately after Phil Harris's number. Oh, Phil, give us something that, oh, darn it, we've got a long play to do tonight. Hello? Oh, Mr. Benny, this is Senator Van Jones. Oh, it's you, Rochester. You've been listening to the program. Hey, how's it coming over? Well, I like it, but Carmichael's in the other room playing Bing Crosby records. That bear hasn't got a ounce of loyalty. What did you call me for, Rochester? Well, I didn't mean to interrupt you, boss, but I'm working on my income tax, and I ran into a snag. Income tax? Well, you didn't make enough money last year to pay tax. Oh, yes, I did, boss. Remember that big crap game I was in on New Year's Eve? Yes. Well, I naturaled myself right into the upper bracket. Well, in that case, you'll have to file a report. Now, look, Rochester, you can deduct for the people you support. Have you any dependents? Only my cousin, Henry, I've been supporting him all year. You have? Well, can't your cousin go out and get a job? No, he's just a born dependent. Oh, lazy, eh? Lazy. Boss, if that man was a chicken, age and radium would be the same price. Well, then I'm afraid you can't make a deduction for him. Cousin Henry said I could. Your cousin Henry is wrong. He put one over on you. I see. Well, can I deduct for the gasoline? What gasoline? The gasoline for the ambulance, which will be necessary right after I discuss the situation with him. Wait a minute, Rochester, don't get violent. He's a relative of yours. Don't you know that blood is thicker than water? I'm going to find that out, too. Now, don't you start anything. Anyway, Rochester, as soon as I get home, I'll help you with your report. Goodbye. Goodbye. Oh, say, boss. What? There's just one more thing. I'm puzzled about that back salary you owe me. Well, it's only $20. It ain't the amount, but I don't know whether to put that down as income, outcome, or income at all. You'll get it, so don't worry. Goodbye. He should complain about his cousin Henry. My cousin Boo Boo hasn't worked since he drove a horse car and walked Egan. Play, Phil. Something or other played by Phil Harris and his 18 deductible losses. And now, ladies and gentlemen, for our version of Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, which we will call Mr. Benny Goes to Washington. Aha, Benny. Pay up, Phil. I should have known it. Here's your five, Mary. There'll be no gambling on this program. And now for our play. Take it, Mr. Narrator. Very well. The opening scene, ladies and gentlemen, is the railroad station in Waukegan, Illinois. Jefferson Benny, a local boy, has just been elected to the United States Senate and the whole town is gathered at the depot to see him off. Listen to George Prichard in his Waukegan Firehouse band. Curtain, music. Thank you, folks. Thank you, thank you. I appreciate you all coming down to the station. And the first thing I tend to do when I get to Washington is see that Waukegan gets fresh ink and new glotters in the post office. I tell you, my friends, this can't go on. Why the ink they've got in the post office right now ain't fit to take home. Get the drink, either. Shut up, cousin Boo Boo. And those blotters. Those blotters, fellow citizens, are a disgrace to the fair city of Waukegan. Well, we're going to have fresh ink and new blotters. I was elected on this issue, and I'm going to see it through. Go on, that ain't nothing but promises. Oh, no, it isn't, brother. Remember my campaign slogan. I'm the gink that'll get blotters and inks, I personally think that the old ones, well, you remember. I thank you. Well, that's my train, I guess. All aboard. Train leaving on track one for Baltimore and Washington. Richmond, Charleston, All Point South, all aboard and shut my mouth. Board. Yup, that's it. Goodbye, folks. Goodbye, everybody. Goodbye, guys. Scene two. Jefferson Benny, our young senator, arrived in Washington and is captivated by the beauty and splendor of the nation's capital. As we pick him up now, he's on a sightseeing bus, accompanied by his secretary, Miss Jean Livingston. Washington. Washington, D.C. What do you think of it, Senator? It's beautiful. And our folks on your left is the Library of Congress, the greatest library in the world. Gee. Five million books and two and a half million maps, charts and musical compositions. And now, ladies and gentlemen, if you will look over to your right, you will see the White House, the home of the President. The White House? There it is, Miss Livingston. The White House. Yes, Mel Lim Fisher, Brian. Yeah. What a building. Look, Senator, look. Look who's coming out of the front door. Where? Oh, yes. Goodbye, Franklin. There she goes again. Say, Miss Livingston, isn't that the Washington Monument over there to your left? It ain't a crack in your glasses. Gee, you can't mistake it. And our folks were coming to the banks of the Potomac River. If you'll remember, George Washington once threw a silver dollar across this river and it landed right over there by that rock. It did? Come back, Senator. It was found long ago. Anyway, it was not the Potomac. Washington threw the dollar across the... the... the Rappahannock. You try saying that all week. Well, it is a toughie. By the way, mister, is that the Capitol Dome way over there in the distance? I don't know. Hey, Eddie, is that the Capitol Dome? I don't know. Hey, Bill, is that the Capitol Dome? I don't know. Hey! I know more about Washington than he does. Oh, Senator, don't you think you ought to be getting home? You've got to rehearse your speech, you know. You're right. My first speech in the Senate, and I got it all prepared. Listen to this, Miss Livingston. Mr. President and gentlemen, I rise to offer a very important motion. A motion that means more to me than anything in this world. I say, gentlemen... Scene three, the following day, and the Senate is in session. The galley is crowded with spectators as Senator Wilson of Colorado is concluding his address on one of the vital subjects of the day. So in conclusion, gentlemen, let me remind you that jello. And jello alone is America's favorite gelatin dessert. Let me ask you something, Senators. Does jello come in four flavors? No! Does it come in five flavors? No! No, gentlemen, no. Jello comes in six flavors. Six delicious, tempting, luscious varieties. So don't forget to insist on genuine jello. And look, gentlemen, look for those big red letters on the box. I thank you! Good work, Senator Wilson. Thank you, Senator Benny. Have a cigarette? Don't mind if I do. Well, that's quite novel. Now, Mr. President. Mr. President, may I have the floor? The chair recognizes the senator from West Dakota. But, Mr. President, I had my hand up first. Sit down, Benny. Oh, boy, this is fun. Hey, Miss Livingston, when do I go on? You follow the Swiss bell ringers. Look at Harris wearing a frock coat and a polo shirt. Some senator. Mr. President and gentlemen, once again, I rise in support of the Harris bill, a bill which will provide for the construction of a canal through Panama joining the Atlantic and Pacific Ocean. A canal? Why, they've had one there for 40 years. He's got an old mask. Gentlemen, it's a crime that a boat going from New York to California has to go all the way around South America. Around South America? Listen, Senator Harris, Mr. President, will you stop with that dabble? I'm cracking nuts. Listen, gentlemen, let us repeat gentlemen, that a canal through Panama is the only solution to this problem. It will save three weeks in getting from New York to Los Angeles and to the Wilshire Bowl where there's never a cover charge. Thank you. Mr. Livingston, I guess I'm next. Good luck, Senator. Now remember, they're going to try and beat you down, but don't let them do it. Under no circumstances, yield the floor. Don't worry, I'll hold it. Gee, I'm nervous. Mr. President, may I have the floor? The chair recognizes the senator from Illinois. Well done. Mr. President and gentlemen, I rise to offer a very important motion. A motion that means more to me than anything in this world. I say, gentlemen, the Warkegan Post Office must and shall have fresh ink and new blotters. I'm not going to sit down until you realize the importance of this problem. Day after day, my constituents walk into that post office to fill their fountain pen, as is their innane little right. Under the canal, under the constitution of these United States of America. Gentlemen, close your eyes for a moment and picture that little post office in Warkegan. Seven hours later and Senator Bennie still has the floor. Unable to make headway, he has started a filibuster. Gentlemen, I'm not asking for a Camel. I'm not asking for battleships or a dam or a national palace. All I'm asking for is a couple of bottles of ink. Not, not biggie bottles, gentlemen. Just regular little bottles of fresh, pretty blue ink. That's all. For the good citizens of my hometown. Twelve days later and the filibuster goes on. And those flyers, gentlemen. I'm not going to sit down until you realize the importance of those flyers, gentlemen. Those same old flyers laying down in the post office day in and day out. Stay with the ink from a thousand days. I ask you gentlemen, do I get that ink? Do I get those flyers? I'm all in. Here's a glass of water, Senator. Thanks, Miss Livingston. I don't think I can go on. I'll have to give up this filibuster. Wait a minute. I know how you can win and get anything you want. How? Instead of a filibuster, make it a fiddle buster. A fiddle buster? Yes, here's your violin. Thanks. No, no! What is your decision? Do I get my ink and blotters or not? Gentlemen, thank you. Oh, Miss Livingston. Do you personally think? You certainly do. Play, Phil. Well, folks, next Sunday is St. Patrick's Day. Ensure you'll all be waiting to celebrate a day in a grand way. But whether it's a party you have in mind or just a regular family dinner, make it a special event by serving for dessert a St. Patrick's Day whip, a tempting sea green dessert of tangy lime jello cleverly decorated with delicious fruit. First, dissolve one package of lime jello in one pint of hot water. Pour one half into a mold and chill. Next, chill the remaining jello until cold in syrupy. And then place it in a bowl of cracked ice and beat with a rory egg beater until thick and fluffy. Pour it over the firm jello in the mold and chill. Then unmold and garnish with fruit for a perfectly well treat. Next Sunday, join jello in saluting the emerald aisle with this brand-new St. Patrick's Day whip, a wonderful two-tone combination of brilliant lime jello and juicy ripe fruit. Aaron Gabron. This is the last number of the 23rd program in the current jello series. And we will be with you again next Sunday night at the same time. Well, Mary, I certainly showed Jimmy Stewart up tonight, didn't I? Do you think he listened into the program? For a while, maybe. Hmm, good night, folks. J-E-L-L-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O And here's more important fun and news for you. Tune in every Tuesday night for another swell half hour of jello entertainment. The famous Aldrich family. See your local paper or movie or radio guide for time and station. This is the National Broadcasting Company.