 Good help you all from Rexall from Palm Springs, California It's the Bill Harris Alice Faye show presented by the makers of Rexall drug products and 10,000 independent Rexall family drug It's good evening This is your Rexall family drugist with a welcome from the 10,000 independent drugists who have made the word Rexall Part of our own store names. You can always tell us but the orange and blue Rexall sign on our windows The sign means that we carry the 2,000 or more drug products made by the Rexall drug company Many of you are already familiar with some of these famous products Like MI 31 for example, Rexall's popular mouthwash MI 31 is the antiseptic formula that kills contacted germs almost instantly when used full strength Yet does not harm delicate membranes of the mouth and throat Quality like Rexall's MI 31 is what we family drugists are talking about when we tell you You can depend on any drug product that bears the name Rexall Good health to all from Rexall Your family drug is brings you the Bill Harris Alice Faye show written by Ray Singer and Dick Chevrolet with Elliot Lewis Walter Tetley, Robert North, Jeanine Ruse and Whitfield Walter Sharpen is music yours truly Bill Foreman and starring Alice Faye and Bill Harris Harris family's last day in Palm Springs They want to take advantage of it. So Phil is insisted that they get up at 5 a.m As we look in they're returning to the hotel after a two-hour horseback ride Gee mommy, we've had a wonderful morning so far. We've played tennis and gone swimming and bicycle riding What's the next thing planned for us? Well, I don't know let's go back to the room wake daddy up and ask him Daddy ever get up in the morning. Oh, we can't on account of his health He said he has peculiar pigmentation of the skin and the gamma rays of the morning sun affect his epidermis What does that mean? It's French for beaded get lost and let me sleep Oh for a very good reason children. He says he's like a delicate flower and the morning sun welts him For flowers. Oh, not your father. He claims he's a jasmine and only blooms at night So it is look girls you go in and get dressed and I'll be there in a few minutes. I want to talk to daddy I wonder what they're watching so intently Oh, it's that girl on the diving board in the French bathing suit I'll sneak up behind them and see just how interested they are Phillip isn't she a honey get that red hair that beautiful face and that love she was figure Ha ha ha Yes, William, but what about her character? Can she carry on an intelligent conversation? Can she cook and solve and keep house who cares with a figure like that? Wait a minute are we reading each other's lines? Phillip we men shouldn't be taken in by what appears on the surface. She looks nice from here But what about her background? Well, wait till she turns around we'll find out You know willie those two-piece bathing suits are Really fascinating So alluring bill and that's why they disgust me I bet you just can't stand the side of it honey. You're so right. I've been sitting here mortified How long have you been sitting here? Oh, I've been mortified about three hours I think that girl looks disgraceful posing there with her bare midriff every man in the place is looking Yeah, what a spot for a Burma shave Well, come on fellas. Let's go in for breakfast. Oh, by the way, where's Frankie? Yeah, last time I saw him a man was selling him a uranium mine for $50 Now that sounds like something stupid enough for Frankie to fall for Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Remly ain't stupid. He's got more sense than to fall for anything. Hiya curly Hiya Franklin. I'm glad you showed up I hear you bought a uranium mine for $50 Oh curly, you don't think I fell for that, do you? I'm not gullible. I have too much sense Besides, I was busy doing something much more important What are you doing watching the flying saucers? I told you Lean over here and breathe out Clyde You were watching what flying saucers Don't tell me you're one of the few remaining people who hasn't seen one Remly, how many fingers have I got up? Look closely Now you were seeing things again. I am not. I can prove it. I saw a whole squadron of them In fact, I turned to the guy I was spending the afternoon with and said, did you see what I saw? And what did the bartender reply? I wasn't with no bartender Frankie a lot of people think they've seen flying saucers, but I don't believe it I wouldn't believe it either if I hadn't seen those two guys from mars who were driving it Oh, I got to take the strings off his guitar his music's driving him nuts Remly, let me get this straight. You saw a flying saucer with two men in it And right away you knew that they were men from mars. Oh, no, no, not right away Came out in the course of the conversation You talk to the men from mars, well naturally I'm no snob I'll talk to anybody who's nice You expect anybody to believe that wild story newspapers believed it I called him last night and gave him a whole story as in every newspaper throughout the country today Oh, no, no, Remly. How can you pull a hoax like that? When that article appears with your name in it, you'll be the laughing stock of the nation Everybody's gonna laugh at you. Nobody's gonna laugh at me. What makes you so sure when I call the papers I gave them your name Oh, Frankie, why did you have to give my name? You can use the publicity. Look at these headlines Alice Faye's husband sees flying saucers and talks to men from mars Alice Faye's husband. Yeah, I got you a little publicity too Now you should have seen that sight I was driving along the desert and I saw those flying saucers come shooting from out of nowhere driven by men from mars No, no that part I made up to make the other parts sound believable No curly, this is a sight I'll never forget those large cylindrical objects Flashing through the sky at a terrific speed and suddenly one plummeted to earth and landed in a burst on the desert The door opened and those little men started swarming over the hold it arson You saw this saucer land in the desert. Yeah, and I can prove it I would have gone out to examine it yesterday, but it was getting dark. I'm going out now If you'll come with me, I'll show you where it is. I ain't going You better I told the newspaper men to be here at two o'clock to get all the facts You should be able to describe your flying saucer Oh Remly the things you get me into I don't oh, all right I'll go but you better produce a flying saucer. Yeah, I will alice. You want to come with us? No No, I don't want him to think I'm a kibitzer Oh The two men from mars I'll only be in the way when you four start playing canasta Now don't be facetious alice or I shall not permit you to sing will hamina from that new picture What new picture the one you're in war bash avenue you try to stop her and I'll break your arm Sing lover Maybe soon she will elope in Copenhagen in Copenhagen Wilhelmina She'll share everything including is toboggan in Copenhagen All the other girls say no, but Wilhelmina. She says nice All the boys call Wilhelmina willy But he calls Wilhelmina Crazy in the noggin in Copenhagen It's Wilhelmina sugar cane ish like her mama's danish place free Wilhelmina Wilhelmina Maybe soon she'll elope in Copenhagen Everything including is toboggan in Copenhagen All the other girls say nice. She says 10 All the boys call Why did I ever let you fellas talk me into looking for a flying saucer? It doesn't exist. We've been tramping over this desert for five hours now and I'm hot and tired and thirsty It's all mine. I give anything for a drink How about you curly? water This is no time to wash I want water to drink The drink You're in worse shape than I am. I'm just thirsty. You're delirious You and your flying saucers getting it in the paper that I saw If I don't produce one they're going to laugh me out at time. I tell you I saw one crash out here in the desert It's around here someplace Curly look over there that pile of twisted metal. It's my flying saucer Remly You're right. You see alice and you thought he was having hallucinations Come on curly help me dig this wreck out of the sand. Yeah, I'll help you Maybe we can find some clue of where it's from, huh? fellas I found a disc here There's a lot of mud on it, but there seems to be something written underneath the mud. We'll scrape it off Honey, scrape it off. Maybe it'll tell what planet it's from Hurry up. Alice. Is it a from jupiter or a Saturn? No, no it starts with an m. M. It's either mars or mercury quick. Alice. What does it say? Maxwell An old hubcap So this is where jackson buried his car Whaley insurance company finds out about this they ain't gonna like it. Why jackson told them ramo captured it in africa Frankie this ain't a flying saucer. It's just an old automobile wreck. Who has to know that? Let's take it into town. They'll never know the difference After all it fooled you and me. Yeah, but how many people are you gonna find as stupid as us? True But look curly you're in a spot with the newspaper man You got to take it back to town and try to palm it off as a flying saucer. All right. All right We'll try to palm it off. We'll take it back Oh, Frankie, what do you do these things to me? You're trying to shorten my life. Why do you do it the hard way? Why don't you just stab me in the back poison my beer tell patrillo i'm working under scales Craziest thing what goes on in your head never mind We got what it takes up here. Yeah Between the two of you you have a lovely bunch of coconut I ain't gonna sing that song I ain't either Well as long as nobody's gonna sing it. Let's pick up these parts and get back to town The piece is all spread out on the ground This stuff looks like it came from mars. All right. Yeah Doesn't that huh? Oh, man, if we can put this one over we'll be the first ones to produce a flying saucer here Providing alice doesn't give us a way By the way, where is she? Ah, she said something about going to find this psychiatrist. What's wrong with her? Well, um She's been having headaches lately I noticed She's been acting kind of strange Yeah Well be that as it may Come on. Let's look over this once more before the newspaper men get here. That's not necessary This is perfect. Well, wait a minute remley. I don't know. This looks too much like an automobile wreck They're not going to be fooled by this. Of course, maybe not just by this But they'll have to believe you when you produce the clincher What clincher? The man from mars Oh, yeah, I forgot about hint Well, here we go again Look frankie, huh? We don't have a man from mars. Yes, I know that but all we have to do is find one and leave that to me Oh, you know a guy, huh? Of course not I don't know anybody from mars How about that girl you were out with last night? She ain't from here Don't be a wise guy Now I can find somebody all we need is some short weird-looking character with an oversized head Frankie someday this kid ain't going to come in on cue and then where will we be? He never failed He looks the part doesn't he Yeah Hey small enough and certainly weird-looking enough But uh His head ain't big enough Oh, listen I'll take care of that Hold still julius. Open your mouth What are you afraid of julius? All we want to do is to pump your head up a little Remly How big do we have to make his head? I think 30 pounds ought to do it Now we better make it 24. He's got a low pressure skull Makes you think so. I know it may sound ridiculous, but we have a perfectly logical reason for wanting to do it What's your reason we need a man from mars What's the matter? This may appear a little far fetched, but mr. Harris is in a spot and we've got to help him There was an article in this morning's paper saying that he saw a flying saucer and a man from mars That's right. Now. Do you see why I need your help? Yeah, kid. If you'll do this thing for us. We'll give you 20 bucks Oh, it's a deal. Hey now remley. You better wait a minute because we ain't never going to get away with this Nobody's going to believe that he's from another world They might when I get finished with them I'll take them up to the room put some weird clothes on them a lot of grotesque makeup I'll make them look like a lovely bunch of coconut I still ain't gonna sing that song Do you want another lead in? No, thanks. I'll creep into this one myself Bill Jackson was a poor old dub who joined the dark town poker club and cursed the day he told me with john That money used to go like it had wings if he'll queen someone had kings and each night he would contribute all that He said I'm gonna play him tight tonight. There'd be no bobtail. Plus you'd make me bite He said when I get to nest in my hands, there'll be a beat Played him tight and lost his pile and bill got peevey shaft a while So he rose looked all around and made this big Did y'all see this brand new razor? I had it sharpened just today Now I'm coming in with my rules that I want you to follow when you play boy Keep your hands up on the table while you're dealing, please Don't be slipping the maces down there in between your knees Don't be making them funny signs like you're trying to tip off your hand just talking american boys. So, uh, I can understand And don't be getting them off the bottom because ooh, that's rough Take five five then stop. That's enough Now when you bet put up the chips, I don't like it when you shy Then when you get busted go get some I'm gonna be your buy and buy Pass them cards. Let me shuffle every time before you deal anything goes wrong. I want to see I mean you ain't gonna play this game now According to that mr. Hoiley you go play this game according to me Now sitting right there and that they're claiming a chance to be a one-eyed man The bill kept on watching him out of the corner of his eye The whole one eye would deal and then would cost that bill another five or ten bill gotta begin to look All around him with a sigh Said lord is an awful shame said someone's cheating this year games. It goes, uh, it ain't gonna do me to name the guy While refrained from mentioning the party's name if I catch him cheating just once again I'm gonna take this fist and close that other eye Now do you see this brand new razor? I had a sharp just a day I'm walking in with my rules that you must follow when you play egghead Keep your bony hands up there while you're giving them out, please Don't be slipping them wildies down in there between your knees and don't be making them funny signs You're still trying to tip off your hand. You better talk an american boy big a So as I can understand and stop getting them off the bottom. I keep trying to tell you It's rough just the army game five five halt. That's enough Now when you bet put up the reds and blues I don't like it when you shy then if you run out of gas go get pumped up I'll be here by and by pass them pace boards. Let me ripple every time before you deal Let me irrigate around with them. I want to see But you ain't gonna play the game now according to that mr Harley You go play this game according to me Now henry if you'll break the seal on that new deck of bicycles, we'll go on from here Yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Julia's all dressed and made up Like a street in teawanna after a heavy rain Remly wants that horrible looking outfit He's wearing even a man from mars wouldn't wear or couldn't wear a messy thing like that Where'd you get that one of your sport jackets cut down? Now look julius remember you're from mars so you can't talk a word of english When the newspaper men get here just talk gibberish This is what the southern of the provincial gibberish Look frankie we better give it up this kid ain't gonna fool anybody and besides Oh, there you are mr. Harris. Oh, that's one of the newspaper men now. I'll have to go through with this Don't forget kid gibberish Well, mr. Harris you made the headlines all over the country with your story about the flying saucer and the man from mars Yes, I know I personally I don't believe it. We all know there's no such thing as Well, I'll be done You have a man from mars He's the most frightening looking creature. I've ever seen a that's Frankie remley The man from mars is the short frightening creature over there Thank lord So this is what they look like I see it, but I don't believe it. Do you mind if I interview him? Uh, well, mr. Um, um, uh, well, you see, uh He uh, he doesn't talk english But I've been with him constantly since I found them And I picked up a little of his native tongue And I'll gladly interview him for you. Uh, what do you want at all? Ask him where he's from? Okay Okay Mugwump Oogamaga liggle hooger Willy waddle with a woody wally Always understand each other Mugwump The man wants to know where your home is holler maga ula lama. Where's the place to use a frama You see, I taught him a few simple words in english and uh, Try to be funny Is one thing I can't stand. It's a wise guy from mars Now mr. Is there uh anything else you'd like me to ask him? I have just one more question How did he get here from mars? What route did he take all the route? That's a good point. I'll ask him Mugwump Sigamaga, alohuda flusie Did see a lot of flying saucers yesterday two miles due north of town Two miles due north. Yeah I got news for you blow top Geet shoot out there. Those were clay discs. You saw Clay discs Curly, how could you make such a stupid mistake telling the newspapers you saw flying friendly out swear I'll kill callus and phil will be back in just a moment. Meanwhile. Here's your rex all family druggins Next sunday is easter and maybe a lot of you mothers have the same problem one of my customers mentioned last week You know, I love fixing a big dinner for easter But I wish that just once my family could come through a holiday without an epidemic of upset stomachs from acid indigestion Why not do what thousands of other mothers do be sure you have a bottle of bismarex on hand bismarex That's rex all's famous ant acid and it's just about the most prompt and soothing relief from acid indigestion I know of what makes it so exceptional the formula man a rex all exclusive You see bismarex is specially compounded to work in a continuous relay. First it quickly neutralizes excess acid often within one minute Next it eases gastric distress and finally Bismarex leaves a soothing protective covering on irritated stomach membranes. That's good to know Certainly everyone knows you can depend on any drug product that bears the name rex all good health to all from rex all We're a little late due to this wonderful audience and Palm Springs. So good night everybody Don't let a spring cold make you cough your head off. Try cherisote rex all's popular cough remedy Ruby red pleasant tasting cherisote goes after coughs two ways First it soothes the raw and irritated membranes of your throat and bronchial tubes Second it helps loosen your cough Always see your doctor about a cough that hangs on Ask for cherisote at the store with the orange and blue rex all sign on the window And remember you can depend on any drug product that bears the name rex all Next sam spade then cornell wild in theater guild on nbc