 The Jack Benny program, transcribed and presented by Lucky Strike. You know friends, nothing. No, nothing beats better taste. And remember... Lucky tastes better. Cleaner, fresher, smoother. Lucky tastes better. Cleaner, fresher, smoother. For Lucky Strike me, I'm tobacco. Richard's tasting, I'm tobacco. Lucky tastes better. Cleaner, fresher, smoother. Lucky Strike, Lucky Strike. This is Don Wilson. Tell me, have you smoked a fresh cigarette lately? You have if you've smoked a Lucky Strike. For Lucky's are definitely fresher. And it takes real freshness to bring you deep down smoking enjoyment. To prove that to yourself, just light up a Lucky. You'll find that Lucky's taste better. Not only fresher, but cleaner and smoother, too. That's because they're made of fine, light, naturally mild tobacco. And because they're made better. Every Lucky is made round and firm and fully packed to draw freely and smoke evenly. And every pack of Lucky's is extra tightly sealed to bring you that fine tobacco flavor in all its freshness. So be happy. Go Lucky. Get the better taste you want in a cigarette and get it fresh. Lucky tastes better. Cleaner, fresher, smoother. Lucky Strike, Lucky Strike. Lucky Strike Program starring Jack Benny with Barry Livingston, Rochester, Dennis Day, Bob Crosby, the sports report that is yours truly. Ladies and gentlemen, for the last time this season, we bring you a man who for the past 39 weeks has either entertained or bored you with his comedy. A man who many of you will hate to see leave the air and an equal number will jump for joy. A man the whole world is anxious to hear, but on the other hand... Never mind. Jack Benny, applause. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Hello again, this is Jack Benny who thrills or nauseates you as the case may be talking. And just think, Don, this is the last time this season you'll be putting your blue-eyed boss on the pan. Oh, that's right, Jack. Time certainly flies. It sure does. What a season I've had. Radio every week, television once a month, stage appearances. Gosh, Don, I'm so exhausted I can hardly stand up. When I have stars in my underwear, I'd fall right up. What a season. Gosh, Don, remember that show we did in San Diego and then that weekend we spent in Tijuana, huh? Oh, speaking of Tijuana, Jack, didn't you borrow $5 from me during our visit there? And then there was that wonderful time we had in New York and Boston. I said, didn't you borrow $5 from me during our visit to Tijuana? And then the three weeks we just spent in San Francisco. Gosh, what a city. I said, didn't you borrow $5 from me in Tijuana? Yes, and as soon as I get some Mexican money, I'll pay you back. You saw us. Oh, hello, Mary. Am I glad to see you. Hello, Jack. What are you yelling at Don for? Well, in the first place, I didn't like the introduction he gave me. Let me ask you something, Mary. Do I bore people? Certainly. Who said you didn't? Nobody said I didn't. I mean, Don said I did. Oh. By the way, Mary, what are you planning to do this summer? Well, my sister, Babe, is coming to visit me, and we're going to spend a couple of weeks at Catalina. Oh, that's nice. You'll both get a good tan. I'll get a tan. Babe dived for abalone. Oh, yes. With her feet, she doesn't need swim pens. Hello, Dennis. Hello. Say, Mr. Benny, this being our last program... How do you feel, kid? Oh, I'm doing as well as can be expected. What do you mean? Well, who expects anything of me? Nobody, believe me. Now, what were you going to ask me, Dennis? Well, this being our last program, I thought I'd ask you for the $10 you owe me. What $10? Don't you remember? You said if I loan you $10, you take me to the burlesque show. Dennis, I never took you to a burlesque show. I know. After I gave you the money, you told me I was too young to see it. Oh, that's right. Well, I'll give you the $10 after the show, kid. Now, how about you're singing your song? Okay. Oh, hold on a second, Dennis. When I got here, there was a message for me to call Rochester. I better do it before I forget. It may be important. That's okay. Go right ahead. Yeah, I wonder what a head of wax wants now. Coming in with a lot of packages. Were you shopping? Yeah, and my feet are killing me. But it's my own fault for buying such small shoes. Well, what size did you get? Nine. What a foot in a size nine shoe is like dark in the Queen Mary in a lily cup. In every hotel we stopped at, they said labels on them. Okay, because my shoes are genuine cow. From the way your toes stick out, it looks like milking time. Well, it's about time, Gertrude. Didn't you hear me buzzing? Well, congratulations. I saw a man like Mr. Benny. He has such a split personality. On the radio, he's one type of person, and in real life, he's an entirely different type of person. Yeah. And I don't like either one of them. I don't know what you mean. That man has set your route together. All he wants to do is go up on Mulholland Drive and look down at the lights of the city. Well, that's romantic. Romantic nothing. He owns stock in the electric company. I couldn't get Rochester, so you better sing your number. Okay, but I'm warning you, it's the last time this season. Sing! Sing already! I'd like to take this opportunity to tell you how much I enjoyed working with you the past 39 weeks, and I'll be looking forward to being with you again in the fall. Well, Dennis, that's very sweet of you. So long, Mr. Benny. Dennis, the show isn't over yet. What's your hurry? I can't stand it here any longer. Dennis! Dennis, come! For all it is our last show of the season. I can't help it, ma'am. Nobody on this show has any respect for me. Bob Crosby is the only one I can get a civil answer from. Well, Bob... Bob, come over here. You called me, sir? Sir, yes. Well, Bob, you've finished your first season and you've worked for me for 39 weeks now. How do you feel? Hungry, sir. Wait a minute, Bob. Are you trying to infer that I don't pay you enough? Well, Jack, you might not believe this, but I had a better year in 1943. Who are you with then? The Marine. Yeah, I hear that's the first one that I've said sir to. Telling him, Bob. Be quiet, Mary. Yes, sir. By the way, Bob, what are you going to do this summer? Well, I'm waiting for my brother, Bang Dan, to his season. Then he and I are going to Catalina for the summer. Oh, say you'll both get good tan. Bang, well, I dive for Abalone. Swims by. Say hello. It may be my sister, Babe. Yes, for me too. By the way, Jack, I meant to ask you, who's going to be our summer replacement? Well, starting next Sunday at the same time and on the same stations, Lucky Strike will present Guy Lombardo. Who? Guy. Guy. Guy Lombardo. And gentlemen, that was Sammy the drummer doing the boom-boom. We woke him up just for that. Say Jack. Excuse me. Hello? I beat your house, Mr. Benny. You may go ahead. Thank you. Yes, Rochester, I got the message to call you. What's up? I've got a big surprise. What is it, Rochester? I'm going to get married. Married? Yeah. You know how long Cuba's been shooting those arrows at? Well, tell me all about it. How did it happen? Well, that's pretty fast, isn't it, Rochester? You only knew her five minutes. Well, this must have been love at first sight. I never heard you talk this way before. Oh, yes. Really? Describe her to me, Rochester. Well, boss, have you ever seen the sun as it sinks majestically into the waters of the tranquil Pacific? Yes. Well, I feel a little sad about this. You've been with me all these years, and now you're going to get a wife and set up housekeeping for yourself. Oh, no, Mr. Benny, don't look at it that way. What do you mean? You ain't losing a butler. You're gaining a cook. Well, right now, I sure could use one. Anyway, good luck, Rochester. I hope you'll be very happy. Thanks, boss. Good-bye. Good-bye. Oh, well... Pardon me, Mr. Benny. I realize that I won't be seeing you until next fall. That's three months, though. I decided to come back. And you want to apologize? No, I want my $10. Goodness, I told you I'd give you the money. Now, sit down and be quiet. What an ungrateful bun. I'll be glad to start my vacation. Say, where are you going to spend the summer, Jack? I don't know. I'd like to go to London, maybe then go to Paris, Rome, Venice. Jack, you wouldn't go to Venice after what happened the last time we were there. Well, what happened, Jack? Mary, it's not such a big thing. Well, I'm going to tell it anyway. Well, we were touring Europe, and we'd been in Paris, and then from Paris we went to Rome. Oh. And while in Rome, we decided to go to Venice. Oh, boy. I bet those canals in Venice must be fascinating. Oh, they're wonderful, Bob. Anyway, we arrived at night and checked into the Grandinelli Hotel, and the next morning I met Jack in the lobby. Jack, did you get the tickets for the sightseeing tour? Yes, Mary, and the gondola will leave in a few minutes. Oh, senior Banny? Yes. I am the bell captain. The gondola for this sightseeing tour she will be ready to leave. Are we getting a nice gondola? Very nice. There is one that leaves in an hour, but that one is more expensive. Why? Only that gondola, the singer is Mario Lanza. That's where he's working. He must tell Dory. Well, come on, Mary. I've ever been in a gondola. Yeah, I didn't know it helped so many people. I'm sure glad we came out on this sightseeing tour. Oh, Jack, the guide is getting up to point out the places of interest. Yeah, come on, Mary. Let's get closer to him. There's so many interesting things in Venice I don't want to miss a word he says. Excuse me. Excuse me. Jack, you're close enough to him. Deser de la moto disturbia e famosa e sorrisia parata di chezion mento. Ma quest'uomo ha un piede so figlio. What do you say? What do you say? What do you say? What do you say? Huh? What do you say? What do you say? What do you say? Jack. Just a minute, Mary. Say, mister. Mister, do you understand Italian? Yes, I do. Oh, good. Good. What do you say? He said you're standing on his foot. Miss, shall I help you get him back into the boat or did you push him? Please, will you please help me? Here, here. Jack, take my hand. Easy does it not. There we are. Mister. Oh, boy, am I wet. What do you say? Huh? What do you say? He said you're dripping on his leg. Just step back again. He's crazy. Aren't you, Jack Benny? Yes. He is son of Pugrandi, artiste che il mondo s'ha visto. Well, wait a minute. I thought you couldn't speak Italian. Uh, what do you say? He said he was one of the greatest comedians in the world. Daddy can say in Chinese. Hey, what do you say? He said we are now approaching the plaza, which is famous throughout the world. For it's singing gondoliers. Oh, yes. Look. See, all those people sitting out on the pier. Where else would you see anything like this? Prendera un punta, destuno che conosco. Talia tua barbra, manan tua naso. Bermashave. Radera means Bermashave? Holy smoke. I, I better learn what these Italian words mean. What? I had that on my strawberries this morning. You're rocking the gondolin. We're getting into heavy traffic. Yeah. Just look at all those gondoliers going in every direction. I wonder if they don't bump into each other. Yeah! He's sitting over there in that little boat. He used to work for the traffic department. What's the matter with him? He went crazy trying to paint a white line down the middle of the canal. Get him in the boat. Okay. He didn't tell off the whirling. Yeah, I'm cold. I think I... Thank you. He said break a leg. The ride, like everybody else. Okay. But gee, I'm so wet. Well, it's your own fault. Signore, signore. Noi passiamo il famoso americano di riunione spazio in Venezia. The guy just pointed out the famous American rendezvous in Venice called Harry's Bar. Oh, yes. Yes, I've heard of that. That's where all the Americans in Venice come for cocktails. Oh, we must go there, yes. We must go there, yes. And say, Mary, Mary, did I tell you the wonderful joke I made up about Frankie Remley? I'm going to do it on our first broadcast next season. Look, you're on a vacation. Forget jokes. No, no, no, Mary. This will be sensational. Oh, on the program. It'll be great. Now get this. I'm going to say that when we were in Venice, Frank Remley went into Harry's Bar and sat down at a table with one of the natives. Remley took a drink, and then the natives took a drink. Then Remley took another drink, and the natives took another drink. They kept drinking and drinking until the natives couldn't see anymore. What's so funny about that? Mary, don't you get it? Remley is the first guy in the world ever to drink a Venetian blind. Mary, don't you get it? Venetian. What is it now, Rochester? Is other fellas rich? Better taste. And remember. Lucky tastes like tobacco. Lucky tastes better. Cleaner, fresher, smoother. Lucky strikes. Lucky strikes. In spite of all you hear about cigarette smoking today, one basic truth remains. It's the taste of a cigarette that counts. Nothing. No, nothing beats better taste. And Lucky's tastes better. Cleaner, fresher, smoother. There are good reasons for it. Luckies are made better to taste better, made round and firm and fully packed to draw up freely and smoke evenly. Naturally, that will give you a better smoke. Then, too, better taste in the cigarette must begin with the tobacco. And LSMFT, Lucky Strike, means fine tobacco. Fine, light, mild tobacco with its own wonderful aroma and a taste that's even better. So remember, friends, only fine tobacco in a better-made cigarette can give you Lucky's better taste. And only better taste can give you the real deep down smoking enjoyment you want. So be happy. Go Lucky. Next time, ask for a carton of Lucky Strike. Be happy. Go Lucky. Get better taste today. Ladies and gentlemen, since this is the last show of the season, I want to take this opportunity on behalf of my entire cast, my sponsors, the American Tobacco Company, to thank you for listening. And I hope you'll all be with us again when we resume broadcasting September 13th. In the meantime, starting next week, tune in at the same time, and you will hear all the news about Lucky Strike, tune in at the same time, and you will hear Guy, Guy, Guy Lombardo. Good night, everybody. The Jack Benny program is written by Sam Perrin, Milt Josephsburg, George Balger, John Tackaberry, Al Gordon, Al Doleman, and produced and transcribed by Hilliard Martin. Starting next Sunday at this same time and on this same station, Lucky Strike will present Guy Lombardo time. Tune in to hear Guy and the Royal Canadians until Jack Benny returns in the fall. And every Thursday over this same station, be sure to hear The American Way with Horace Hyde for Lucky Strike. The Jack Benny program is brought to you by Lucky Strike, product of the American Tobacco Company, America's leading manufacturer of cigarettes. This is the CBS Radio Network.