 If you're in the dating world, there's a good chance that you've run into men who want you to chase them, pursue them, have you pay for their food, have you plan all the dates, have you decide what to do and where to go, and generally make you take on the stereotypical masculine role in the dating and relationship situation. So why are men doing this? And should you chase him? And if not, what should you do instead? That's what we're going to be talking about today. Hello, my name is Matthew Coast and welcome to Commitment Connection. So let's get started here. Number one, so men growing up without any strong male role models is the first reason why guys are doing this. So many boys today are growing up without any kind of male role model at all and their fathers aren't around or their fathers are too busy doing other things to properly parent their son. Many times they're not even really good role models to follow anyway. And so boys end up growing up into men with no guidance on how to be a good man so that they have no idea how to date or interact with women or pursue women or even know that they should pursue women. And so men need more and better male role models that they can learn from and learn about and what does it mean to be a strong masculine man? And our society tends to demonize and tear down men from a cultural standpoint. And we're about to talk about that right now. So if you're here with us right now, say hi and tell us where you are in where you're from in the chat. Number two is there are major cultural changes that are happening in our society. So the Western world is really leading the charge in this one, but it's happening pretty much everywhere. Men and women are switching roles, right? And this is being encouraged and even pushed by a lot of society, by the mainstream media, by a lot of people. There's a lot of people with agendas trying to push our roles to be different, to be opposite basically. And our society is pushing women to be more masculine and they're pushing men to be more feminine. And you'll notice that a lot of women's magazines that was actually just looking at some women's magazines online, some internet sites online, where they've been pushing women to give up relationships altogether and stay single because it's better to be single than to be in a relationship. And they tell women that they should not only act masculine in their normal lives, but also in dating and relationship situations as well. There's actually a bunch of activist dating advice out there. And many times you don't even know it's activist dating advice, where they're teaching women to approach and chase and pursue men because they think that it gives them more power and more choice, which it absolutely doesn't. And I'll tell you why it doesn't here in just a minute. And if you're a masculine woman and you want to date a feminine man, you wanna be the one that's putting in all the work while the man doesn't. And that's totally fine, right? If you're like, hey, I'm a masculine woman and I want a feminine man and I want to do the pursuing and all the chasing and all that kind of stuff, that's fine if you do that. And if you wanna do that, I'm going to tell you why I don't recommend doing that here in a second, but you're more than welcome to do it if that's what you want. Like I know people in situations like that who are married and it works really great for them, but it takes a certain kind of people to do that. And for most women, I don't think this works for you. And so, and also men are being pushed to be more feminine and a lot of masculine behavior is being demonized and termed as toxic masculinity when real toxic masculinity isn't being a strong man. It's being an immature man. It's a weak man who is only out for himself and doesn't care about others. And there have also been some movements to fight assault from men which have done a lot of really great things and helped a lot of people out, but some women have used it to abuse men who didn't do anything wrong, which created more concern around men about whether they can even pursue women or not. If you're a man and how do you make sure that your advances don't come across as assault, right? You let the woman chase, you let her make the moves, you let her push things forward, then that's the mindset that a lot of these guys have. If I let her do everything, then it can't be termed as assault, which that actually won't save them. They don't know, many of them don't realize that, but it actually won't save them. And it's more of an excuse than it is a legitimate concern in most cases, but fear is an incredibly powerful motivator. And so a lot of guys are really scared about pursuing and chasing and moving towards women and making moves on women because they're afraid that maybe it'll be misinterpreted as assault. So here's the reality. We all have masculine and feminine energy in us. And I think that things will go towards men being more masculine and women being more feminine again in the near future. And why would I say that? Because most women are feminine at their core and most men are masculine at their core. Men have just been wearing a feminine mask and women have just been wearing a masculine mask because we've been getting that pushed on us by society. That's not who we really are. The mask isn't us. And generally speaking, once we get back into our core, we become a lot more comfortable playing there and being there and experiencing life from there. But many of us have just been pushed into these different roles of being ways that we aren't, that we get stuck there and going to anything else feels uncomfortable because you're most comfortable initially wherever you are, even if you would be better and play better and life would be better and you'd feel more comfortable in another position if things were just natural and we weren't all getting pushed into different directions. And for the most part, that's femininity, right? And for most men, that's masculine. For most women, sorry, that's femininity. And for most men, that's masculinity. Not all, but just most, right? And so reason number three is the hookup culture. So a lot of men don't chase women anymore because superficial hookup situationships have become the normal thing in our culture. Meeting up just to hook up has become a normal thing for both men and women to do. It's not just men who are doing this. There are women in our community, a lot of them who are doing it as well or we're doing it before they got into our community. My suggestion is that you don't just hook up with anyone. Our community is filled with women who just hooked up with a guy, caught feelings for him and now are in a situation where they're in love and want more from a man who doesn't want anything more with them. And so my suggestion is that you don't be one of those women and don't listen to anyone who tells you that you should be. You are worth more than that. If you want something greater, then my suggestion is that you hold out for something greater and don't close yourself off because you got into a weird situation because you listened to other people or you wanted to just have some fun or whatever. And next thing you know, you've caught feelings and you're in love with a guy who wants nothing to do more with you than that. So number four, men's dating advice teaches men to have you chasing them. And so why would they teach men this? Because they know the same thing that I'm teaching you. Whoever is more invested will value the person more. So the truth is that you should both be investing, right? If he invests a lot and you don't, it's easy for you to devalue him and your relationship and for you to walk away. If you invest a lot and he doesn't, it's easier for him to devalue you and the relationship and to walk away. Ideally, he will be investing a lot more than you will until you're in a committed relationship. You actually have most of the power starting off and anybody that tells you that you don't have most of the power is lying to you. So before you get into a physical relationship, you have a ton of power there. And so my suggestion is that you make sure that he's investing in you, especially from the beginning and make sure that he's investing more than you are in him up into the committed relationship. So if you get what I'm talking about, say I get it in the chat. If you don't understand what I'm talking about, go ahead and ask your questions or whatever in the chat and we'll get to them here in a little bit. So I recommend that you do not chase a man. First, I'm gonna tell you why you shouldn't chase men and then I'll tell you what to do instead. So first, your value in his eyes, like I was talking about earlier, is partly determined by how much he invests in you. So I'm not talking about how you value yourself but how he values you. So this is something called the sunk cost principle. The more he invests, pursues and gives of his time, attention and energy to you, the more that he will end up valuing you. And the more you do it with him, the more you'll value him. That's why if you give everything to a man who's taking you for granted, because a lot of women are like, oh, I have to prove myself to this man and he's taking me for granted. So I have to be more and do more and all this stuff. And it doesn't end up ever making him appreciate you more. It only hurts you more, right? And it makes him appreciate you less because he's getting all these things and he doesn't, he's not doing anything for it. He's not invested. And that's why it's so important that he's pursuing and chasing you from the very beginning. He'll value you and your relationship a lot more when he does that. So second, if you're chasing him, you'll end up missing red flags that you'd normally see. So men, when they're being pursued, what they tend to do is they'll just lean back and they let a woman end up pursuing them if they aren't really that interested in the woman. Why would they do that? Because he doesn't need to do anything, right? If you're pursuing and he's not and he's just chilling, right? You're doing everything for him. You're pushing everything forward for him because you're invested and you're really interested and you want things to work out. And so he's like, okay, I don't need to do anything, right? And he's not that interested, possibly. And then he's still getting his physical and emotional needs met through you even though he's not doing anything, right? And he doesn't have to commit. He doesn't have to put any effort in. He doesn't have to invest in the relationship because you're doing all of that for him and he might even not really be interested but he's still getting his physical needs and his emotional needs met. And so you won't know that he's not really even interested if you're the one that's chasing him until one day when you're trying to figure out why he avoids conversation about marriage or commitment or any of that kind of stuff. And you notice him checking out other women and talking to other women on social media and you're just, you're sitting there baffled. You're like, I've put so much into this. I'm doing so much. I'm such a good woman for him. How could he like these other women instead of me? And the reason is, is because he was never interested that much in the first place, right? If he's not that into you, you won't know if you're chasing him. If he's not the kind of guy who puts effort into a relationship, you won't know if you're chasing him. Many of the red flags that he has that you don't wanna deal with, you won't see them if you're chasing them. He won't be afraid of losing you if you're the one that's chasing him. Instead, you will. You'll be more committed. You will be more invested. You will feel like you're more in love and that he's taking you for granted and he's treating you like crap. But you know what's going on really is that you're just super invested and he's not. That's it. That's all that's going on. And so this is my suggestion. Do not chase men. Don't do it. Instead, use a technique that I call leaning back. So leaning back, first of all, I wanna mention this, it doesn't mean that you should do nothing, right? A lot of women are like, okay, I'm leaning back. How long should I wait until he contacts me in the leaning back phase? That's not what leaning back is, right? It's not a technique that you do when you're waiting for him to call you, right? That's not what it is. I have a whole video on it if you wanna go check out more about leaning back. I have a video, it's called How to Lean Back and Get Him Chasing You. Also, leaning back does not mean no initiating contact. A lot of women go, they're like, okay, I'm in no contact with the guy that I'm dating. And I'm like, did you break up? And she's like, no, I'm just waiting for him. And I'm like, that's not no contact, right? You shouldn't be in no contact. Instead, what you wanna do is show him that you're interested in him. You want to show him that you're interested. And then you give him space to pursue, to chase, and to invest in you, right? Most masculine men in the presence of a feminine woman, even men who have been in their feminine for a while or letting women chase him or all that kind of stuff. If a man sees a woman and he's masculine in his core and he's in the presence of a feminine woman and he's attracted to her, a man will end up behaving in a masculine way. And so a woman who is leaning back, most men will start to behave in a masculine way around them, right? If he's interested and you're leaning back and you've let him know that you're interested, most likely he will start to chase, pursue, and move towards you with his energy. Second, what you wanna do is shift your mindset, right? Get away from this mindset of trying to get this specific guy, right? That's what a lot of women are doing is they come to me and they're like, there's this one dude and he's like sleeping with other women and he's like looking at porn all the time and he's, you know, running around doing whatever and he's not interested in commitments. He's not interested in marriage. He's not interested in kids. And these are all the things that I want. How do I get him to start doing what I want him to do? Get out of that mindset because when you're in that mindset, what you're doing is you're putting him on a pedestal. You're saying this man is more valuable than I am. He's more valuable than my needs, my wants, my desires, the things that I care about in my life. And what you wanna do instead is shift your mindset to getting the relationship that you want to have. So go and start dating more than one guy. Get an orbit of men around you and let the ones who want to prove that they want the relationship that you want to step up and pursue you towards that. Then you get to choose who you date and who you don't date. It's not, you know, I'm stuck on this one guy and I'm trying to force him to be the man that I want him to be. And I'm trying to force him to step up and do all these things. Instead, you've got a, you're coming from abundance. That's a scare, you know, the other one's a scarcity mindset. The one guy, you're in scarcity. You've got a bunch of options of men, you're in abundance, right? And what you're waiting for is a guy to pursue you and step up and create the relationship that you want to get. If you're stuck on one guy trying to force him to be the right man for you, you're starting off in a losing battle and you're just gonna get hurt. And lastly, make sure that you get my program, The Forever Woman. Go to the foreverwomanformula.com because it is a phenomenal program and it's free, right? You can go get it for free because I teach you everything that you need to know about how to go from where you are to being in a relationship with a quality man who loves you, sees you and cherishes you. You can have a happy ending in this crazy world we live in today if you do things the right way. And so make sure you go to the foreverwomanformula.com. I changed the page, it's no longer a video anymore. And so you can just go there and look at what I'm offering. And if you decide you want it, that is awesome because it's a great program and it's helped so many women get into the relationships that they want to have. So if you have any questions, make sure that you put them in the chat right now. Again, do not, do not chase men. Do not do it, don't do it. Hello everybody from all over the world. Audrey says, it's so true. They want to be chased and a lot of women are the aggressors now. It's very, very true. Sylvia said, you should never chase a man ever. Heather says, this is live? The answer is yes, Heather. This is live. So Celestina says, I noticed too. It's not supposed to be. Maybe it is the way ladies, women position themselves. Yeah, like I said, it's a lot of different things. It's a lot of different things, a lot of different things. Kelly says, or they want pictures of you messaged to them right off the bat of talking to them. Yeah, and there's a reason for that, right? If you're talking about like online dating, one of the reasons why guys want you to send them a picture of yourself immediately, there's actually a very good reason for men wanting to do this. And the reason is, is that women and men, right? Just to be fair, women and men lie in their online dating profiles. And so a lot of women will take photos of themselves from 10 years ago and they will put it on their online dating profile and the guy's like, oh, she's really hot. And then he ends up meeting you in person and you're 15 more pounds heavier and you're 10 years older and you totally don't look like the same person that you look like in the photo. And so he feels like he was robbed, right? He was tricked, he was lied to. And so a lot of guys will immediately be like, send me a photo because they know that women do this, right? Men do it too, right? Everybody's doing this, right? And so a lot of guys know that lots and lots of women will lie in their photos. And so a lot of guys want that photo from the beginning. Alini says, love your course material with so many questions. Well, go ahead and ask your questions, Alini. This is, that's literally what this is for. Daphne says, that's what I'm doing right now, chasing someone and I hate myself for it. Well, stop it. Daphne, stop it. Just, just stop it right now. Just, just stop it. Just, just stop it. I want, Daphne, I want you, I want you to stop it. Kelly says, I'm single because I won't chase a guy. No, you are not single because you won't chase a guy. You're not with a guy that you want to chase or he wants you to chase him because of that, right? You could be in a different relationship with a man who loves you and cherishes you and chases you and pursues you and invests in you and treats you really well. You could be, right? But you're not. And there's a guy that wants you to chase him and you're not doing that either, which is good. So don't chase him. Sylvia says, anything you chase will run away. Yeah, but you might catch it, right? And then it can't go anywhere. And you're like, I got you. Uh-oh, uh-oh. Is that crazy stalker talk from Matt Kost? Ashley says, also have to say we can be equal without being masculine. Women are not men, period. We need the polarity. It is important. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Abs a friggin' loot, Lee. Ashley, I totally agree with you. CJ says, what to do when you chase a man yet he's chasing multiple women at the same time? Stop chasing men. Stop it. Just, CJ, stop chasing men. That's it. Stop doing it. Don't do it ever again. That is my suggestion. Do not ever chase a man again. Don't ever do it, right? If he, men are natural pursuers, right? The masculine is the natural pursuer and he will chase you. He will pursue you if he likes you and he wants you. If he doesn't like you and he doesn't want you, he won't chase you and pursue you. And so you won't be running around chasing somebody that doesn't want you, right? You wanna be with somebody who also wants you. That's what you want. You don't wanna be in any other kind of situation. You definitely don't wanna be in a situation where a guy only kinda likes you, right? You just said that he's chasing other women. Why would you, if he's chasing other women, why isn't he chasing you? Simple because he's not that into you. And so let men who are into you chase you and let him chase women that he's into. That's what you wanna do. You don't ever wanna be with a man who doesn't want to be with you. That's it. That is it. Irene says, is there a way to improve my low self-esteem and insecurities? Absolutely. Start getting involved in personal development. Start learning how to love yourself and cherish yourself and value yourself. Pick up my program, the forever woman at theforeverwomanformula.com. I have a system in there that teaches you to love yourself and value yourself and treat yourself really, really well, right? And it's the beginning process. That's what you wanna do. It's a free program, right? You can get free access to this program and then you can just listen to it. You don't even have to necessarily do anything and just listening to it and listening to what I say in the program will start making you value and love yourself more and more and more. And so my suggestion is you get the program, you listen to it at least 10 times and you start building yourself up. Kathy says, if a guy expects me to plan a date, does that mean he is asking me to chase? How can I communicate that I'd like to provide my availability and leave it for him to plan the details? So it kinda depends on what you mean, right? If I'm gonna guess that this is a new guy and you're not in like a committed relationship or anything like that, right? If you're in a committed relationship, things kind of change a little bit, right? And you can kind of be on more of an equal footing there. And so if a guy expects you to plan a date, the question that I have is, why does he expect you to plan a date? What kind of a conversation was made where he expects you to plan a date? If you were just talking and he was just like, hey, if you ever wanna go out, let me know and set something up and we'll meet up there. What you can do is just set a boundary, right? What you wanna do is set up a boundary and say, hey, I would really love to go on a date with you. I think it would be a lot of fun, right? Let's assume that you've never met up. Maybe you guys were talking online and you met in person and he's like, hey, why don't you set up a date for us to go and meet somewhere or something? What you'd wanna say is set up a boundary the way that I talk about setting up a boundary. So what you'd say is something like, like, hey, I would love to meet up and hang out and go on a date with you. However, right? And then you set the boundary. However, I'm more interested in a traditional relationship and where the man pursues me and we work together at creating the relationship, and if you decide that you want to do that, let me know. So it'd be something like that. That was kind of off the cuff, but the point is, is that you want to tell him what you want, right? Tell him that you're interested in meeting up for a date. Tell him what the boundary is. However, I don't really know you that well and I prefer having traditional, like a traditional dating relationship situation where the man sets up the date and takes me out somewhere. Doesn't have to be to anything special or whatever. I just wanna hang out and talk, right? And then ask him if he's going to agree to that. If you want to do that, let me know or whatever. And just leave it at that, right? And I wouldn't get overboard about whether he actually does it or not, right? If he's throwing those hooks out, which if he's like on an online dating site or something like that, he's probably throwing those hooks out a lot, right? Because he's trying to catch women that are going to chase and pursue him and invest in him just because of the things that we just talked about, right? And so what you wanna do is just throw it back on him and just be like, nope, don't do that. You can do that if you want to. I'd love it if you did, let me know, right? And so you'll end up finding out whether he's gonna do it or not, but absolutely do not do it. Just set up a boundary, let him know that you're interested, that you like him, that you'd love for him to take you out sometime, but that you don't feel comfortable doing that or whatever you wanna say. You like traditional relationships, whatever, right? And just let him decide whether he's gonna do that or not. And if he doesn't, that's fine, right? Just like what I talked about earlier, you wanna have an orbit of men and you want men to be pursuing you and you wanna make sure that you're letting them know in a healthy, empowering way, attractive way that you're interested in him and that you want him to step up and you want him to do those things and that you're not gonna be the one that's doing it. Hannah says, does it make sense to pursue an immature man? Why would you want to pursue an immature man? It depends on what you mean by immature, right? Immature usually means that he's not responsible, that he doesn't take care of himself, that he's not stable, that he doesn't have it together, right? Why would you wanna be in a situation where you're in a relationship with a man who doesn't have it together, doesn't take responsibility for himself, isn't pursuing what he wants in life, doesn't have a goal and mission in his life? Like, why would you wanna be with a guy like that? Do, do, do. She just says, I don't want to chase a man, I'd rather he chase me. Exactly, that's what you should be doing. That's what you should be doing. Facebook user says, how to avoid hookups by not hooking up, all right? That's how you avoid hookups. Don't hook up. It takes two people to hook up, right? You meet up and somebody takes you to a spot and they have to take you to a place where you can get physically intimate. Just don't do it. That's how you do it. You don't put yourself in this situation. If you know yourself and you know that you're really bad with self-discipline, don't even allow yourself to be in a situation where it could possibly happen. That's my suggestion. Sylvia says, why buy the cow if you're getting the milk for free? Hold out until you're sure that the person is right for you. Yeah, that's what you need to do. Hold out until you make sure that he's good for you. Candace says, it is so hard as a 51-year-old woman. I am a strong woman with my own business, but I'm having a hard time finding a man not intimidated by my success. No one even asks me out. That's, you know, it's really interesting because typically men aren't intimidated by success. I mean, there are some men, right? Where they see it and they're like, ugh, I can't compete for that with that or I want to be the man in the relationship but you're so much more successful than me. Usually men are more intimidated or turned off by women that are in their masculine, which usually a lot of business women and women that are at work and really like go get our women, which if you have a successful business means that you're definitely a go getter woman are usually in their masculine, right? And that's usually what men usually say is intimidating, but they say nicer things because they don't want to offend you. And so my suggestion is that you just is that you work on it, right? Use my system, right? Cause femininity isn't the only thing that makes you valuable. And if you do intimidate men, you want to make sure that you're coming across as attainable, right? I have something called the attainability principle. And the attainability principle is for women like you who are in situations where they're coming off as a little bit too hard to get, right? Because you've got all these great things going on and a guy sees you and he might think, wow, this woman's going to be really difficult for me to get with, right? Because, you know, what do I have to compete with what she has going on? And so what you want to do when you're in that position more than anything else, when you could work on kind of shifting into your femininity, when you're around men that you're interested in dating, but another thing that you'll want to do is make sure that those guys know that you're interested and make sure that they know that they can attain you and they can pursue you and they can at least attempt to get with you if they play their cards, right? Because then what you're doing is you're dangling the carrot and you're letting them know that you're interested in them, right? And try to avoid doing any type of like manly, buddy, buddy kind of things when you're with men, things like, you know, being sarcastic and busting their balls and all that kind of stuff. Try to avoid doing that kind of stuff because that's guy talk. And you, like a lot of women that I know and I know a lot, I know a lot of business women, a lot of them are very much into guy talk, right? They're into like busting balls and watching sports on the TV and drinking beers and stuff like that. And that's great for a buddy if you're a guy but it's not great for a romantic situation. So you want to kind of avoid doing stuff like that. And instead, make sure that they know that you're interested in them and that they can pursue you. Cool spot says they call you when you are leaving the relationship and then when you call back, you are blocked. What I do is just delete his number and move on, simple rubbish. I don't have time for this line games. Yeah, that sounds pretty ridiculous. So, Eleni says, I totally get it but I messed up before I knew you existed. And now I don't know how to get back and our situation is so effed up and now family is involved. It's just, yeah. And it's one of those things where, I mean, I don't know what your situation is and you're obviously talking about like an X or something like that. And there are ways to kind of fix that kind of a situation depending on how bad the situation is, right? If things are really crazy and it's just there's no fixing it and you're like, you must tell me I'm right. And he's like, you must tell me I'm right. And you guys hate each other and you're like fighting and stuff all the time. It's possible that it's never gonna happen but it's X's like when you have an X situation there's actually a really high probability that you can get back together with them because you tend to have a foundation of a relationship there and a lot of emotional experiences together. And it just kind of went the wrong direction and things got hurt and you broke up. But a lot of times you can patch things together if it's not too bad. So Irene says, so if he's not putting in as much effort as I have is better to match his effort. Yes, something called mirroring. And mirroring says that you match his interest level. So whatever his interest level is, you match it, right? Because that keeps you out of trouble. So you never want to be doing all of the effort. You want him to be putting in more effort than you are. And if he stops putting in effort, you back away as well, right? That's how you stop yourself from getting into trouble. And then what you wanna do is when he starts coming back, which you will then that's when you come back and start doing more and connecting more, right? And so you want to be, you always want to be putting less effort in than he is in the initial dating phases. Cool spot says better to not put any effort. That is wrong. You are wrong about that, cool spot. Sorry, but you're wrong. Now, what you wanna do is you wanna make sure that you're showing interest and you can put in energy and effort. In fact, I suggest that you do, right? Because unless a guy is super aggressive and he's really confident in himself and he's like, hey, I'm gonna make this happen and I'm gonna do this. He's gonna think that you're not interested in him. And then he's gonna go away, right? And disappear on you because he's like, she wasn't that interested in me. And he doesn't wanna be in a situation where he's chasing somebody who's not really interested in him because he doesn't wanna get his heart broken. And so you wanna make sure that you are putting in some effort, right? And you both wanna be invested to some degree and so that you're both building this relationship together. Everything is a two-way street. Never put yourself in a position where you're on either extreme. You don't wanna be in the extreme of doing nothing and you don't wanna be on the extreme of doing everything. There's a middle ground. The magic is in the middle and you always wanna stay in that middle ground because that is where you build and grow a great relationship. But if you are the one that's putting in a whole bunch of the effort and he's not, which is usually what a lot of women come to me in that situation of, then you wanna back off a little bit and give him some space, right? And allow him to start moving towards you. Otherwise, like I said, you'll end up missing all the red flags. Audrey says, sit back in your feminine energy as a woman and let him pursue you while you can also show interest. Do not chase and if he does not pursue you, then he doesn't like you as much as you thought. As a lady, I learned to let him court. Masculine energy, enjoy pursuing. Exactly, Audrey. Audrey summed up everything that I said in like three sentences. That was fantastic, Audrey. Good job. Giza says, I don't want to chase no man. Well, that's what I'm talking about. Joanne says, Matt, is there a way to correct this besides stepping back, right? So I'm like, hmm, here's how you correct. So it's funny whenever this happens and this happens all the time, right? I give you advice and you're like, how do I fix this other than doing what you tell me to? How about you try doing what I tell you to? And if you have done what I told you to, tell me what the situation is so that I can actually help you. Dory says, I'll never chase a man ever again. Always know your value and add tax. Good on you, Dory. Good on you, Dory Berry. Kathy says, been talking to ex for two months. He tried to sleep with me once. I said, I won't consider it unless a serious relationship. He said, I'm 100% open to a relationship talk. How can I make him chase an issue? It sounds to me like you already gave him the clue. You said, hey, I'm interested, right? So he says, I'm open 100% open to the relationship talk. And what do you say? You say, great, let's have the relationship talk, right? And then you let him have the relationship talk with you, right? You don't need to do anything more. You literally already told him. He's trying to sleep with you and you're like, hey, I'm not considering this because I want a serious relationship. And he's like, hey, I'm 100% open to it. You're on your path, right? You're waiting for him. It's his turn. The ball is in his court. Let him take it. Don't take it for him. Kathy says, Matt's forever woman formula videos are great. Well, thank you, Kathy. I appreciate that. I appreciate that. Blessing says a man who wants me to chase him will wait forever, of course. He is disqualifying himself, right? The way that you want to look at this is you want to think about it in terms of this, right? I am a wonderful, amazing, special, precious. Here's the word sacred. You want to believe that you are a sacred being, right? And that you are incredibly valuable. And that your time is valuable. And that everything that you do is valuable. All the time that you invest in things is very important because you value your time. Just like you value your body, you value your attention, you value your life. You value your attention. You value your money. You value everything that you do, right? You value your effort. And so if he wants to be with you, right? He needs to pursue you because you are a valuable person and you have a whatever relationship you get into, you want it to be a sacred relationship just like you are sacred. And so you don't want to, if he's not going to chase you, that's fine. If he's not going to pursue you, that's fine. He's disqualifying himself from getting you, right? From being in a relationship with you, which is why you need the orbit. That's why you need to create an abundance of options for yourself, an abundance of potential to be with different men. And then they will disqualify themselves and they will qualify themselves. And the ones who want to believe that you're sacred and show you that you're sacred and give you a sacred relationship are the ones who will step up and the ones who don't will not step up. That is the situation. Natalie says, this is what exactly what has happened to me. I chased him and now I've lost him. Stop chasing men. Kim says, I like your points of view. Well, thank you, Kim. I appreciate that. Cher says, have a guy trying to get me to hook up but won't say anything about me. He is recovering addict almost a year and have health issues. And I say good things about him recovering and he loves it. I'm not sure if it's infatuation, the addiction or it's just him that has changed from years ago when I knew him. We have lived in different states, but I am with him. He showed interest in me. I'm confused. Yeah, you're confused because he values things other than you a lot more than he values you. And that's one of the biggest challenges with men who have addictions is that if a man has an addiction, he values that addiction generally speaking over everything else. And so it's really, really hard for those kinds of men to end up being in functional relationships after addictions. They absolutely can be. I've seen great guys who have recovered from alcoholism and drug abuse and all kinds of things get into great relationships afterwards. But one year, less than one year of recovering from being an addict, that's still, I mean, like if he was a real big addict, right? Like usually when you talk about addicts and addicts that are recovering, they aren't just like, I was drinking some coffee and I tried to get off a coffee because there was too much. They're like people that were doing so much drugs that they lost their job, they lost all their money, they lost their relationships to their friends and their family, some of their friends killed themselves, they thought about killing themselves, right? And so you have to make sure that you're not getting involved with somebody who's so close to still being there that he hasn't really recovered yet, right? If he's been sober for less than a year, then he probably still has a lot of things that he needs to work through before he ends up pursuing you, which is why the abundance thing is so, so important, especially in your situation. Caro says, I can't chase a man. Well, don't, don't do it, don't do it. Maria says, okay, Matthew, I got it. Thank you for your advice. You are welcome. Audrey says, Matt is one of the most valuable male dating coaches in today's society. He's so correct with everything. It's why I followed him for years. Well, thank you, Audrey. I really appreciate you saying that. I really appreciate you saying that. Thank you so much for saying that. See, I lost my place in the comments. Let me get it back real quick. Man, there are a lot of comments today. Okay. Shirley says, that what you said right now is brilliant. Find the man who wants what you want, instead of trying to mound him into, I'm guessing you meant mold, him into a guy that you want. Yes, absolutely. That's why it's so important that you switch your mindset from being about the guy to being about the relationship, right? Because it's not, if you're trying to make this guy get into this relationship, you're gonna have a really, really hard time. But if you're like, hey, this is the relationship that I want. And I want a guy that's on board with the same kind of thing that I want. It's like, it's easy, right? So much easier. Then you don't have to fight. Then you don't have to manipulate. Then you don't have to persuade, right? Because guys will show up who want the same thing as you. And you'll be like, all right, let's see if we're a good match. And if you are, then it turns into something amazing, right? Whereas if you've got a guy and you're trying to like force him into being in the relationship, he's like, I don't wanna do this. And you're like, no, but you got to. And then you start trying all these different techniques on him. And he's like, what are you doing, right? And then next thing you know he's breaking up with you and you're heartbroken. You're coming to me, asking me for advice. And I'm like, get the forever woman program. Then you get the forever woman program. Everything changes in your life. And next thing you know, you're in a relationship with the man of your dreams. That's typically how it works around here. So Jackie says, but if I date more than one guy, I feel like I'm cheating. Well, here's my advice to that, right? First off, you're not, right? You're not cheating, right? You shouldn't be one lying to guys. Two, you shouldn't tell guys that you're seeing other guys. Just don't do that. And three, it's why would you feel like you're cheating, right? Like it's one of those things. Like I've talked to women before where they've been like talking to a guy online and they're like, okay, I'm talking to this one guy and he hasn't been responding, right? And it's been like one or two messages like set between each other. And I'm like, well, are you seeing other people? And like, oh, well, no, I feel like I was cheating if I was doing that. And you're like, you're not even in a relationship. The guy's not even responding. He doesn't even like you. Like you're not cheating on the guy, right? And if you're going on dates, that's it, right? You're not sleeping with other guys. You're not hooking up. You're not doing any of that kind of stuff, right? And if he asks you, if you're seeing other people, what you wanna do is flip it around and say, why? Are you, do you want to be in a relationship with me? Do you want me all to yourself? Are you trying to have an exclusivity talk with me? Like, what are you trying to do here, right? And if you're not ready to have a relationship and you say that to him and he says, yeah, I am. I was just expecting that we're be together and you're not ready for it. You just say, hey, until I'm in a committed relationship until I know that a guy is really right for me. And I'm, I'd love to be in a great committed relationship and I'm not sure if it would be with you, but I definitely want to be in a committed relationship. And if you're the right guy, that's awesome, but I'd like to get to know you a little bit better before we're in that situation, right? And if he starts getting all possessive and like, if you're not gonna be just with me, then, you know, like, I don't wanna date you or whatever. He's showing you his cards, right? He's showing, he's waving the red flag around and he's going, hey, I am crazy. You don't wanna be with me, I'm possessive and we hardly even know each other. I've gone on one date with you and he's trying to lock you down, you know? It's like, so it's absolutely not a problem for you to date other people at all. Cool spot says, what should you do after a breakup? I just did a live stream on that. Go check it out. I also have a problem, a program problem. I have a problem of a program. No, it's a great program. It's called the Breakup Remedy. You can go check it out, commitmentconnection.com forward slash break up, I believe. It's a great program. Aleni says, okay, I tried the orbit of men thing to essentially try and move off, I suppose, from the man I'm in love with. And yes, great guys have come along and they love and cherish me, all that good stuff, but I'm still in love with my ex. I have no feelings for any of these current men in my orbit they want to date me. I feel nothing for them. So what do I do? Here's what I suggest that you do. Start valuing them more, start valuing other people more. And there's two things that I think you should do. The first thing that you should do is start creating and solidifying your identity, right? So if you push your ex out of your mind, right? If you're not dating your ex and you're not gonna see him anymore or you're in no contact phase or whatever, what you wanna do is get him out of your mind as much as possible, get rid of anything that reminds you of him. And what you wanna start doing is solidifying your identity and do that by doing things and learning about things that make you you, right? So your passions, your work, your doing things that you love, things that are hobbies that you really enjoy, things that make you more of who you are and remind you more of who you are. And then the next thing that you wanna do is start valuing and appreciating these men more, right? And not necessarily even to them, but just to yourself, right? You can do this to yourself after you've gone on a date with a guy and just think about ways that you can appreciate him more. And when you are on dates with these guys, start getting curious, start getting more curious about who they are and what's going on with them and what's going on with their lives. And what I think you'll find is you'll start developing feelings and you'll start pulling that kind of love thing away from your ex and you'll start building it onto yourself and you'll start connecting with these other men in a different, in a better way. I also have a lot of ways to connect with men as well in some of my programs as well as on my website and on some of these videos on YouTube. Coco says, yes, women are caring on like men, which is not a healthy, that is correct. Lucinda says, so having a rotation of men is the best way, having abundance. So how do you peel your energy off the one you want to pursue without chasing them? With, you mean without chasing the new men? Well, what you wanna do is start, is like what I was talking about earlier with the last question is start investing from like a time and attention standpoint, you wanna start giving your time and your attention to something else, right? To these men, right? And like I said, when you're leaning back that doesn't mean you're only that you're never doing anything, right? You're still connecting with men, you're still asking them questions, you're still getting curious about them, you can still go home and write down a list and be like, what do I appreciate about these men that I was just spending my time with, right? And change, shift your focus over to these men and start connecting with these men and connecting with these new guys. And what will end up happening is it'll move over, right? What you have to do is you have to cut off, right? When you're in love with a guy, it's like an addiction, right? It's like being on drugs. You have to wean yourself off of your ex or this other guy, this guy that wants you to chase him or whatever situation you're in. You have to wean yourself off of him and start connecting and building that connection in other places. And once you shift your focus and shift that connection over to other people and other things, what will end up happening is you'll start to lose more and more and more desire to be with that person until all of a sudden, next thing you know, your focus is on yourself because you're building and strengthening your identity and your attention is on these other men where you're learning about them and you're appreciating them and you're valuing them and you're connecting with them. And over time, what will happen is that will go away and maybe there might still be some thing lingering in the background, but at least you will have other things that are going on and you won't be so focused on that and you won't be so addicted to it anymore. And eventually it'll end up going away if you keep kind of just going, you know what, I don't wanna deal with that, right? And if you have a lot of energy around it, my suggestion is that you release that energy, right? If you've got a lot of energy on an ex, what you can do is just release all that onto a paper or whatever and just burn it or read it out loud or yell it into the universe or do some kind of fairy dance around it and whatever, whatever we're into this day and age. So, there's a lot of issues that a lot of people are having these days, especially with the world of the hookup culture like I was talking about before, where men and women, both men and women are just hooking up with each other. They're just getting together just for casual friend with benefits, superficial type situationships that they're having together with each other. And so it's become a really difficult world for a lot of people to be in because they're like, what do I do here? And so I have a three part plan that helps you get into the kind of relationship that you wanna have while avoiding heartbreak and avoiding toxic men and avoiding, all these different situations that you don't wanna be in. And here's what it is. The first one is believing in your own value, right? Believing that you are a valuable woman who deserves to have an amazing relationship where you're loved and you're seen and you're absolutely cherished because if you believe that, then you won't get into a situation that's bad for you, right? I was just on the phone with a woman a couple of days ago who was telling me about how she goes, she's been going from one hook up friend with benefits situationship to another, right? And then she spent the last nine months not seeing anybody. And she was like, what do you think the problem is? And I'm like, you don't value yourself, right? Because she wants a committed relationship. She wants to get married, but she keeps hanging out with these guys who avoid talking about commitment, who avoid talking about marriage, who tell her that they just want to hook up and have nothing serious and she keeps getting into these situations with them. Why? Because she doesn't value her needs, her desires and who she is enough to avoid getting into one of those situations. So number one is believe in your own value. Number two is position yourself in value. And that's what we're talking about with the abundance thing and there's some other things that you need to do around that where you're putting yourself into a position the most, remember this, remember this. If nothing else, remember this. The most powerful position that you can ever be in is the position where you're willing to walk away, right? That is where you have the most power, not pretending like you're gonna walk away not using walking away as an ultimatum so you can try to get what you want. A place where you're like, hey, I am worth more than this. I'm not gonna be there. I'm not gonna do this. I'm not gonna get into a situation like that. If you do that, then you can create abundance in your life and men will pursue you and they will recognize your value immediately. And the third thing that you wanna do is communicate your value. Speak in a way that is attractive and that shows men that you are a woman of value who deserves to have a great relationship where you're valued and cherished every single day of your life. That is what you want to communicate to these men. And that's one of the things when I was talking about the boundaries earlier, that's one of the ways that you can do that. If you want more information on how to do that, you should get my program, The Forever Woman. You can go to theforeverwomanformula.com and check out the program. You just, there's a page there. It's got a bunch of text on it. You can learn about what the program is and you can get it for free. My suggestion is that you go there and get free access to that program right now. Thank you so much for being here with me today. I feel so blessed to have so many amazing, wonderful women who will trust me on their journey to having the relationship that they've always wanted to have. So thank you so much. I really appreciate you being here. We have some of the most beautiful, amazing, awesome women in the entire world as a part of our community. So thank you very much. I've got to go, I've got to go get going. There's this hedgehog park down the road and I want to go walk around and pet hedgehogs. So I got to get going, but thank you so much for being here and always remember, you are worth it.