 The Craft Foods Company presents the Great Gildersleeve. Yeah! The Great Gildersleeve, starring Harold Perry, brought to you by the Craft Foods Company, makers of parquet margarine and a complete line of famous quality food products. Let us descend now through the magic of atomic power to the little home of the Great Gildersleeve in Summerfield. We pass down through the weathered shingles of Gildersleeve's roof, through the attic where the dress form stands guard over trunks and boxes of forgotten summer clothes, on down through Gildersleeve's bedroom, where his niece Marjorie is posing before the full-length mirror in a ballet skirt. Down, down, down, until we come to rest at last in the Gildersleeve kitchen, where Bertie moves quietly about her kingdom. What's for supper? Mmm, smells good. If I tell you now, you won't get no surprise when you sit down and eat it. Well, all right, I'll wait. After all, Bertie, I know it'll be good. Bertie, I'd like to have something kind of special tomorrow night if we could. Company? Miss Goodwin. Can we have something extra nice, huh? How are the red points? Well, sir, we're running a little ahead of ourselves as usual, but I'll dream up something. Chicken, maybe? I'll think of something. Duck? Gildersleeve, I don't know exactly what it'll be, but it'll taste like red points even if it is. We'd better stand back now while I add a few little touches for the night. Oh, those little touches. All right, Bertie, I'll leave everything in your hand. Boy, is this telephone conversation still going on? Uh, just a sec, Uncle. Oh, Piggy, will you listen just once? It's a tea formation. The ball is snapped to the quarterback. The pullback rushes over and pretends to get the ball from the quarter. Leroy, terminate the conversation. Uncle, we have to settle this. Terminate the conversation. Call you later, Pig. Goodbye. You've been talking to Piggy for half an hour, Leroy. I can't have my phone perpetually tied up by conversations between you and your little friends. You may have caused me to miss an important call. Well, how would I know you were expecting an important call? I'm not, but there's always a possibility. And who messed up the evening paper? Now, if you weren't so careless, stop bouncing that football while I'm talking to you. Okay. You'd pay a little more attention to what you're doing, my boy. While you're doing it, didn't I tell you to get a haircut yesterday? You did? You know I did. You gave me an argument. Oh, yeah, I forgot. Oh, you forgot, eh? Hair down over your ears, you look like a teddy bear. Get it cut the first thing tomorrow morning. You understand? Saturday? I can't, Uncle. Our team has to practice tomorrow. We play the Fair Oaks All-Stars next week. Are you going to practice all day? Well, sure. We have skull practice in the morning and field practice in the afternoon. We need it. We'll start your skull practice in the barbershop. Is that clear? We asked you not to bounce that football while I'm talking to you. Oh, sorry. Go ahead, Uncle. What you've got to realize, Le Roy, is that life is not all beer and skittles. Oh, I never said it was. I never tasted beer in my life. I'm not talking about real beer. Beer and skittles is just an expression. When I say life is not all beer and skittles, I mean it's not all play and no work. Oh, that. Yes, that. Work, responsibility, my boy. You're getting older. You've got to realize you can't just play all day. Who's that? Oh, Marjorie. Le Roy, why can't you be more like your sister? She's a girl. If you'd stop spinning around for a minute, I could tell how I like it. Oh, I have to spin her. It doesn't stand out. Well, stop it or you'll make yourself dizzy. You know it doesn't. Well, it makes me dizzy. Stop. I want to talk to you. Why didn't you say so? Young lady, it's time you realize life is not just the bed of roses. Well, beer and skittles, either. Le Roy. You watch your step, young man. Don't you just love the skirt, Anki? Don't you think it looks professional, Le Roy? Yeah, it looks pretty good. It looks fine, my dear. Now go upstairs and take it off. It's time to get ready for supper. Why can't I wear this to supper? Because I don't consider it suitable. But I don't see why. Won't anybody around here do as I say? All I get is arguments. Have you children no conception of obedience? Oh, sure. Oh, Anki, when you're unreasonable. I am never unreasonable. Oh, brother. Did you say something, Le Roy? I didn't mean to. I hope I won't have to warn you again. I want both of you children to understand that what I want around here is a little obedience. From now on, when I say jump, I want you to jump. Is that clear? Yeah. Yes. Very well. Now go upstairs and change into something more ladylike for supper. Oh, all right. Le Roy, you ready for supper? Yeah, I just happened to wash. Look. Amazing. I want you to be careful of your table manners at supper. Miss Goodwin is coming to dinner tomorrow, and I'd like you to make a good impression on her for once. Don't worry. I always get along with her swell. Somebody calling you? Yeah, it's Donald Kelsey. Le Roy! We'll answer him. What? Oh! Shout in my face. Go to the door. Le Roy, it's too near supper time. Just play in here. He'll is ready. Only this once. My dear, you look much more suitable for the table. I better go upstairs and get ready myself. Try to stay clean. He'll supper, Le Roy. Don't worry about me. Say, Marge, you want to see the trick play I invented? It's practically a short touchdown. You want to see it? No. Oh, come on. I'll let you run the quarter. You're way out at the end of the line. See? I'm not playing. I'll be a sport for once. Look, the center snaps the ball to me. I fade back a little like this. Vase, may I ask? On the mantle piece. It was an accident, don't got it? I'm delighted to hear that. So it was not vandalism, merely an accident, eh? Do you realize that vase was a piece of genuine California pottery? It was? Yes, it was. I bought it in Chicago. It cost me two dollars and a half. How did it happen, Le Roy? Marge's fault. She just didn't catch the ball, that's all. I've told you not to play football in the Polar, young man. Well, when Donald wanted me to come out just now, you said to play inside. I told you that it would be okay. That mistake will cost you your allowance, so the vase is paid for, young man. What? Every penny. What's more, starting tomorrow you'll earn your allowance. You'll work in the backyard here every Saturday till you're dead as paid. Oh. That will do, my boy. We'll get a broom and dustpan and clean up this mess. Okay. John shall be broke the rest of my life. I'm working too. Where's the broom and dustpan, Birdie? In the closet. What happened? That little skinny John on the mantel? Yeah. I knew it would go someday. James is worth 250, and I have to pay for it. You have a lot of money. You tell on me. I have to work for it, too. That's the hardest way to get money to is. I hate it. Let's see it. 25 cents a week. I'll have to work every Saturday for 10 weeks. That's right. A couple of weeks left in October, four weeks in November, four weeks in December. I've got to work from now on on Christmas, and I won't get a cent for this. LeRoy, don't make me drag you in by the coat collar. I'm coming. Good morning, Floyd. Hi, Commissioner. Hi, LeRoy. Oh, Floyd. I want you to give this young man a haircut, Floyd. He's considerably overdue. There he is at that. LeRoy, you know it's kids like you that make it tough for barbers to make a living. I'm sorry. I'm only kidding. Climb right up in the chair. That's the boy. Well, Commissioner, did you lose any money on the series? I'm not a betting man, Floyd. Although if I had made a bet, it would have been on the Tigers. Perfectly clear they had the better team. Yeah. Well, second guessin' is cheap, as the fella says. I knew it all along. Okay, okay. I wish you'd let me in on it. Could have saved myself a bundle. Did he let you in out, LeRoy? Ha! Would you mind getting down to business, Floyd? I haven't got all day. Oh, I'm sorry, Commissioner. I didn't know you were gonna referee this thing. Why don't you sit down? I might as well. Get going though, will you? Doesn't have to be a masterpiece, you know. The boy's special, I know. That's right. With no smelly stuff on it. Okay. I'm out of here in no time. Yes, yes. Hey, Floyd, did you hear the Army Wake Forest game last week? Did I? Never missed a play. Army's got a super team this year, haven't they? Best in the country, that's all. Best football team in the country. Glenn Davis. And Doc Blanchard. Yes, sir. Those two fellas play a whole lot of football. Floyd, you haven't cut a single hair. Startin' in right now, Commissioner. I guess Navy's about the only team the Army has to worry about, huh, Floyd? Well, Navy's got a good team. Pat Jenkins plays a whole lot of football. And Clyde Scott. Yeah. Clyde Scott of Smack Over Arkansas. Yep. That's where he comes from. Smack Over Arkansas. Floyd. What's the matter, Commissioner? I'm choppin' away here all the time. Must you talk? If you must talk, does it have to be about nothing with football? What's the matter with football? About as clean a game as you'll find. Of course, there's angles to it. I've been trying to interest Leroy, and a few things I consider more important than football. Oh, why'd you say so? Read any good books lately, Leroy? Nah. Well, that takes care of that. Tracy? Read him every day. Gosh, I thought he was gonna catch up with itchy there yesterday, but now it don't look so good. But, of course, he'll get him eventually. Be a big surprise if he don't. I notice every time Tracy's really stuck, the crooks start to fight about the money. You ever notice that? No, but that's right. If Pressless Mahoney hadn't fall would be all plenty about the money, Tracy never would have. E-gods! Baseball, football, comic strips. I can't control your conversation, Floyd, but by George, I don't have to listen to it. Here. Here's for the haircut. No smelly stuff, remember? I won't be able to stand him around the house. Okay, but gee, Commissioner... And Leroy, you get home as soon as you finish. Remember, you got a man's work to do today. Huh. Your uncle's a nice fellow, Leroy, but he's got peculiar tastes. Yeah, I guess so. What's that about a man's work, he just said? Well, I have to work every Saturday till I get 2.50 for something I busted. Oh. So, uh, take your time, huh, Floyd? Yeah, I'll have to. You got a lot of hair. Say, um, how'd it be if we catch a little of that Michigan Army game while I'm working? Oh, boy, super! I figure that'll be the best game of the day, don't you? Yes, sir. Those Ann Arbor boys play a whole lot of football. Stuff about sports. And not just the major sports, either. You know, it's all about lacrosse and bowl scores way back to 1930. Let it be a warning to you, my boy. Fill up your brain with football scores and you may wind up a barber with one chair in your shop. Leroy Piggy called you. He did? Oh. Dunk. Yes? I guess Piggy was calling me for practice this afternoon. You don't say. Yeah. Yeah, it's awfully important, Dunk. Practically, I'll ask chance before a very important game. My boy, I don't seem to have made myself very clear to you. Yesterday, you broke a valuable and artistic vase. Did you not? Yeah. I'm trying to teach you something for which you will be grateful to me all the rest of your life. Well, I've learned it already, young. Boy, am I grateful. I'm afraid you haven't learned it or you wouldn't be asking if you could play football this afternoon. But I have learned it. I know I have to pay for the busted vase. Okay, I'll pay. The responsible man puts first things first, my boy. If you had really learned your lesson, you wouldn't dream of either rest or recreation till that debt was paid. Well, if I work this Saturday, can I have next Saturday off to play in the game? Sorry, my boy. No Saturdays till you've paid the last penny of restitution. It's for your own good. Okay. Okay, I'll go to work. But if I ever have a kid, I won't make it. Killed his slave will be back in just a moment. Mr. Lange, have you seen the new parquet module and advertisements that's in the magazines now? Have I seen it where you could frame it and hang it on the wall? It is a beautiful picture. Everything looks so colorful and appetizing. A part of steaming baked beans, two slices of luscious brown bread. And that pat of rich-looking parquet margarine. Well, of course, that's what makes the picture complete. As you probably know, parquet margarine helps to make any meal complete. Served with bread, rolls, pancakes, and waffles, parquet margarine adds the final flavor touch. Well, it's the best I ever tasted, always so fresh, so sweet, so delicate. And that's what makes parquet margarine an all-American favorite, because parquet's fresh, delicate flavor is still unmatched. And it's economical too. Only about half the price of costly spreads. Getting back to that advertisement, Mr. Lange. Oh, yes. You'll find it says that parquet margarine is preferred by millions to any other brand because it tastes so good. So treat your family to a spread that's really delicious. By economical parquet. P-A-R-K-A-Y. Parquet margarine. Made by the Kraft Foods Company. Now let's return to our story. After the exertion of eating, Gilder Sleeve usually likes to repair to the parlor, relax for a few moments, and enjoy a cigar while planning his next move. Ate too much. As often as not, the next move is one he hadn't planned. He unbuttons his vest, slides down in his chair. Time passes. An arm hangs limp. The noble head falls upon the massive chest. Cigar ashes. Cigar ashes fall upon the vest. Gilder Sleeve is at peace. But not for long. Oh, my goodness. I'm trying to get a little sleep, so I'll be bright and sparkling when Eve comes. Yes, you don't happen to be going upstairs, do you? Well, I didn't exactly have it in mind, but I guess I could arrange that. Would you tell Marjorie I'd like to speak to her, please? Yes, sir. Then never mind. Something's got to be done, Uncle Mort. Something's just got to be done. That's just what I had. It's impossible. It's simply impossible. First it speeds up and then it slows down. What does? The phonograph. We'll just have to get a new one. That's all. This one is impossible. It doesn't seem to occur to you, young lady, that it isn't as easy as all that. Phonographs cost money. Uncle Mort, is my dancing important or not? Well, certainly. I guess so only. Well, then? Confounded Marjorie, you're as bad as Leroy. You have no idea the value of money. Kindly do not compare me with Leroy. Well, it's true, anyway. And I'll say this for Leroy. At least he isn't banging around upstairs making a racket while people are trying to get some much-needed rest. I was not banging around. At least he's outside working. That's what you think. I know he's outside working because I told him to. Well, isn't he? Boy, George, if he isn't. Why that little... Where is he? I distinctly told him, where did he go? If he's over at Piggy's playing football. Hello, Judge. He had to join the game? No. What are you doing here with those nick-a-bockers on? The boys needed a referee and I was happy to oblige. At your age. You haven't seen my nephew, have you? Leroy? No, why? Well, I suspect that he might be over here. You're sure? I told you, Gildy. I've not seen the boy. What are those kids hiding over there? They're not hiding anything. They're in a huddle. Huddle, muddle. If I find that kid, I'll fan his little tupper. Any particular reason, Gildy, or are you just feeling ugly? Certainly I have a reason. The boy broke a valuable vase. Well, boys will be boys, Gildy. You understood them a little better. Listen, you old goat, have you ever had a boy of your own? Have you? No, but I've had the use of one. Then I'd suggest you get to know him better. Get out and play with him the way I'm doing. It'll do you good. Make you feel like a kid again, and possibly improve your disposition. What? Listen, you old elderly ragamuffin. I need any advice about the care and feeding of children. Sorry, Gildy. You're holding up the game. One side, please. Tension all, recess over, resume scrimmage. Resume scrimmage. Oh, brother. Ball, please, pick it. Famous Alonzo Hooker. I wonder if there's any use asking Pee-Vee. Leroy might have sneaked in here for a soda or something. Double is, if I go in, Pee-Vee'll talk my arm off. I've wasted enough time already. No, I guess I'll just go home and wait. Oh, what's that he's got in his window? Well, I'll be darned. A regular little cannon. Oh, cute. Pee-Leroy would love that. I might just drop in and see about it. It's not so long. Christmas. What's the price of that little cannon you've got in your window? That little cannon? Yes. In your window there? Yes. It's not for sale. What do you mean? It's in your window, isn't it? Yes, it is. But it's just a display. What do you have it in your window for if it's not for sale? Just a service to our customers. People come along, they like to look at it. What kind of service is that? You get me all excited. I come in here, I want to buy it, and you tell me it's not for sale. I'll take it out of the window. Well, no, I... All I can say is, Pee-Vee, I don't know what kind of a drugstore you think you're running. Well, I don't sell cannons. Well, then don't advertise them. The whole thing is very misleading, Pee-Vee, if not unethical. It's misrepresentation. Well, no, I wouldn't say that. No decent drugstore would display anything in its window that it wasn't willing to sell. Have you seen Beckman's window? Certainly. See the big plaster foot he's got in there with the bunions that light up? Of course. Have you tried to buy that? Ye gods, who'd want to buy it? Same thing. All right, keep your salmon. I'll give you two dollars for it. It's not for myself, Pee-Vee. I want to buy it for Leroy for a little boy's Christmas, Pee-Vee. The one thing that'd make him happy. The one thing that it... Wait a minute. I forgot. I'm mad at Leroy. He was good with alcohol. Now, take it easy, Birdie. Let's keep our heads here. Marjorie, remember what I told you. You've told me so many things I can't possibly remember them. Well, just try to make a good impression. That's all. Good evening, Miss Goodwin. Good evening, Birdie. How are you? Just fine, Miss Goodwin. Take your things. Thank you. Where is that Leroy? Seven o'clock and he's not home yet. If I lay my hands on him, I'll... Hello, Eve. Good evening, Crockmorton and Marjorie. Hello, Miss Goodwin. Oh, this is so nice. It's a little chilly out, hasn't it? Yes, it has. Better come and stand by the fire, Eve. You'll warm up. Shove over, Marjorie. Excuse me, Miss Goodwin. Yes, Birdie? You want to wait any longer for Leroy? Or shall I just go ahead and put it on the table? Yes, where is Leroy? Nobody knows. We haven't seen him all afternoon. No, my dear. I imagine Leroy just went down to the public library and got so interested in some good book. He's forgotten what time it is. Well, it doesn't sound very plausible, Crockmorton. Not on a Saturday afternoon. Not if I know boys. Well, tell you the truth, Eve. I'm afraid that I'm going to face a little disciplinary problem with Leroy when he arrives. Miss Goodwin, I don't like to butt in, but... Yes, Birdie? You don't think maybe Leroy ran away, do you? Ran away? What makes you say that, Birdie? Well, I don't know. He was acting kind of strange this morning. Going to have a talk with himself and slamming doors. She's right, Uncle Mort. You know about boys. Do you think he'd run away? Of course not. Boys never run away from home without a reason. What possible reason could Leroy have for wanting to run away? Plenty. Uncle Mort bought the living daylights out of him. Marjorie, that's not true. I may have reasoned with your brother a little. Ha! After all, he was a little careless. Well, I can't imagine your uncle being harsh with a boy, Marjorie. You should hear him. Marjorie, we have company. Well, it's true, isn't it? He's gone, isn't he? And he hasn't been home all afternoon. And you don't know where he is now. My dear, I don't think it's anything to be worried about. You're not worried, maybe, because he isn't your brother. You don't know him the way I do. He may be a bum, and I could kill him most of the time. But if anything happened to him, I'd never forgive you. Never. That settles it. I'm going to call the police. I'll start a search. Crockmorton. Crockmorton, just a moment. Aren't we getting awfully excited about very little? No, she's right, Eve. I lost my head. I don't think so, the boy. I've driven him from his home. I don't blame him for running away. If he lonely come back, I'll never speak harshly to him again. Birdie, my overcoat. Hi, everybody. Where have you been? At the library? No. I don't want you to think that I allow him to hang around such places. I wasn't hanging around. You know very well that I disapprove of such behavior, young man. All right, you told me I had to pay for the vase I busted, didn't you? Well, that was to teach you the value of money, my boy. And you told me I had to earn it all myself. Two bucks and a half. I did that for your own good. I know it seems a little tough, but you've had to give up your Saturdays week after week. Perhaps you'll realize how hard it is to earn two dollars and a half. Sure, I know already. Here, I'll give you two bucks and a half. Leroy, where did you get all this money? Earned it. How? Floyd fixed me up down at the bowling alley. Pin boy. Nine cents a lion and a buck and a quarter in tips. Hi, Leroy. Well, everybody, will you say we eat? I'm starved. After you, Marge. After you, Miss Goodwin. You see, Aunt, it's not so hard to make a buck if you use your head. I give up. More from the great gilder sleeve in just a few moments. Home is just about the coziest place there is on a Sunday evening. And with our family, one of the most delightful meals of the week is Sunday night supper. I'll bet that's true with your family, too. Somebody always says, let's have waffles or French toast. And, of course, you know what I'm going to say next. The one thing that makes those waffles or slices of French toast taste so good is delicious parquet margarine. The test of a good spread, you know, is the delicacy of its flavor and aroma when served with hot foods. That's why parquet margarine is a favorite of millions because its flavor is unmatched by any other brand. So here's a friendly suggestion. If you want to make next Sunday supper of waffles or French toast, a real treat of the week, top them off with flavor fresh parquet. P-A-R-K-A-Y parquet margarine made by Kraft. Every Saturday, 52 weeks a year. That's over 150 bucks. Boy, I'll be rich. Well, you're your own boss, of course, my boy, but there's something I think you're forgetting. What's that? Well, money isn't everything. For instance, there are family ties. I'd be glad to work for your old uncle now, even if it pays less than some other things. Sorry, uncle, I can't afford it. You'll do it whether you can afford it or not. I thought you said I was my own boss. Don't you believe it. Now go to bed. Good night, everybody. The Great Gelder Slave is played by Harold Perry. It is written by John Wheaton and Sam Moore. The music is by Jack Meakin. This is John Lang speaking for the Kraft Foods Company and inviting you to listen in again next week for the further adventures of The Great Gelder Slave. A wonderful help in menu planning. It's Pabstet, the delicious cheddar cheese food that's so nourishing, so easy to digest, so easy to serve in a hundred appetizing ways. Pabstet spreads, slices, toasts to perfection for sandwiches and snacks. And Pabstet melts into a luscious golden cheese sauce all over tasty dishes of macaroni, rice, eggs, and fish. Yes, there are a hundred delightful ways to enjoy Pabstet's rich, mellow cheddar cheese flavor. So buy both varieties of this delicious cheese food, golden cheddar Pabstet and pimento Pabstet. This is the National Br...