 Sorry, mister. You can't go in there. Can't go in. What do you mean? I can't go in. Don't you recognize me? Look, this curly hair, this lovable personality, this thief, rich voice. Oh, excuse me. Go ride in, Pallula. RCA Victor, world leader in radio, first in recorded music, and first in television presents the Philharmonus Alice Faye Show. One more enjoyment here is the Philharmonus Alice Faye Show, transcribed, written by Ray Singer, Dick Chevrolet and Ed James, with Elliot Lewis, Walter Tetley, John Hover, Janine Ruse, and Whitfield, Walter Sharpen is music, and yours truly, Bill Foreman. The title of tonight's little monstrosity is A Day at Santa Anita, or That's a Horse on You. First, however, here's a word from RCA Victor. How would you like a permanent pass to the biggest shows from coast to coast? A front row seat at exciting dramas, wonderful concerts, and top sports events? You can have all this and more through television. Through television, 80 million Americans, every other person, has the equivalent of a reserved seat for this wonderful entertainment right at home. So if you're missing the wonders of TV, buy a new RCA Victor now. RCA Victor brings you television's clearest, steadiest pictures. The famous magic monitor circuit system screens out static automatically, steps up power automatically, and automatically ties the best sound to the finest picture. And thanks to automatic tuning, one click of one knob brings in the station with virtually no fine adjustments. See your RCA Victor dealer tomorrow. He has the perfect set for your home. He can deliver your RCA Victor now, so you can start to enjoy television at once. And remember, a factory service contract for expert installation and maintenance is available to RCA Victor television owners in principal areas. Ask about an RCA Victor factory service contract. Another reason why every year, more people buy RCA Victor than any other television. And now the stars of the RCA Victor program, Alice Faye and Phil Harris. A fool and his money are soon parted. That's what they say. That's what Alice Faye says too, and she doesn't mean King Farouk. She's referring to the carefree, lovable, debonair man about town, Phil Harris. I'm walking behind you on our wedding day, a 45 in each pocket, and they're both RCA. Oh, hiya, honey. How's every little old thing? You look fine. Why? Hey, wait a minute, Alice. That's no way to talk. Now, when I came in here this morning, I felt like a million bucks. And that's the way you spend money, too. Look at these bills. Oh, well, now you ruin my whole day. Phil, you've got to cut down. Honey, you know I don't drink. Before breakfast. Phil, you've got to stop wasting money. How did I waste the money now? Well, just look here. One bathing suit, $100. Honey, I know it was for me. Baby, it was worth it. You realized that every sequin was sewn on just right. I know, but did they have to spell out, stand back? This belongs to Phil Harris. Ain't taking no chance. Phil, if you keep this up, you'll go through your money in no time. Ah, stop worrying, honey. We ain't even halfway through yours. Look, I've got to go downtown and see Ellie. I ain't seen him all day. Well, you don't have to go downtown. He's right here having his lunch. Oh, he is where? In the garage. Ellie, it's eating in the garage. Well, he ate everything we had in here. Now he's having lunch with the dog. Democratic little devil, ain't he? Ellie to the dog. Phil, what are you doing? I told you, honey, I'm going out to see Ellie. I'll be right back. Get my eyes open. I don't get a cup of coffee. She's nagging, nagging, nagging. Hi, Elliot. Hey, Ellie. Oh, excuse me, Curly. Yeah. Didn't hear you coming. Where did I take these clothespins off my ears? What have you got clothespins on your ears for? They kept getting in the dog food. Hey, you know, Curly, that's pretty good stuff. Yeah, it ought to be. The factories at Del Mar, they use nothing but winters. Hiya, Nipper. He's on fire today. He's a happy little beastie, ain't he? I'm going to make you a happy little beastie, too, Curly. How would you like to come in on a big deal with me and make a million dollars? A million, huh? Mm-hmm. Is that more than a thousand? More than a thousand? That's twice as much. What's a proposition? You remember that horse, blue blazes we saw run at Santa Anita a few times? I got a chance to buy him for 500 bucks. 500 bucks? We couldn't go very wrong, could we? I'm telling you, we'll make a fortune. We'll go partners. We'll chip in 50-50 and buy him. Yeah, that sounds fair enough. You got 250 dollars? Sure. Okay. I'll borrow that from my half. Now all you got to do is dig up 250. You mean you ain't got your 250, huh? Right. Okay, so I'm going to lend it to you. Now, where do we contact the guy that's got the animal? He's sitting out in front of his car. You see him? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I see him out there, but he... Hey, wait a minute. What's he got his motor running for? Well, since he sells the horse, he's going to leave town. Well, now look, Elliott, here's the dough. Go close the deal. Aren't you going to come along? No, no. I think I'll stay here with Nipper for a while. Right, oh, Mr. C. Whitney Vanderbilt-Harris. I shall see you in the paddock. Cheer, oh. Did you hear that, Nipper? He's going... What? You're hungry again? What for? You don't do nothing. All you do is sit around in front of that Victrola. Look, you don't know how lucky you are. Everybody else has to work hard for their money and their food. And don't talk back to me. Now, get up on your feet and tilt your head. Now, listen. This is your master's voice. I don't want to sound like I'm preaching a sermon, but I've heard people say the early bird catches the worm and there's a lot of good logic in that old cliché. There's certain obligations you just can't shirk. You've got to put the heat on to make the kettle perk. And if you want it to be a good day, you've got to do a good day's work. You've got to dig, dig, dig for your dinner. Nothing's what you get for free. Dig, dig, dig, dig for your dinner. Never was a money tree. And furthermore, my friends, I must repeat, nobody's living down on Easy Street. And if you want to go for groceries, you won't get an awful lot of noseries. You've got to dig, dig, dig for the dollar. Pay as simple as you think. You can't perl on a sirloin. All the butcher will put you in the clink. You just can't be a lazy bird. You've got to get off of your twig. So you can afford your room and your board. And it's nice to have the price of a signal. You've got to pay, old middleman, if you want to do a jig. You've got to be as busy as a bee to be a Mr. B-I-G. And if you want some dig, dig, dig to pee, dig, dig, dig for your dinner. Dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig. You just can't be that lazy bird. You've got to get off of the twig. So you can afford your room and your board. And it's nice to have the price of a signal. You've got to pay, old middleman, if you want to do a jig. You've got to be as busy as a bee to be a Mr. B-I-G. If you want some dig, dig, dig to pee, you've got to dig, dig, dig, dig for your dinner. Dig, dig, dig, dig, dig. Alice? Yes, William? Shall I take the children over to Mother's? Well... Hey, Alice! Hey, Alice! We've got something to tell you. Hello, Elliot. Hey, honey, where do you hear this? Hey, Willie, stick around. You've got to hear this, too. Look, honey, Elliot, me are now owners of a racing stable. We just bought a race horse. Oh, no. Oh, it's a great horse, Alice. Listen, it's Blue Blazes out of Honey Girl by Blue Street. What kind of a horse is it, Phillip? What does he look like? Well, I didn't see him. I mean, the guy's got him in a stall at San Anita and he didn't have time to take us out. You bought a horse without seeing him? We didn't have to see him. The owner gave us this picture of the horse. Look. Ain't he a beautiful animal? Let's see it, Elliot. Yeah, here, now. Well, all you can see is his head and tail. The rest of him is covered with a blanket. Yeah, yeah. But just look at the name on that blanket. Blue Blazes. What a G.G. We got him for $500. $500? Phillip, you've been cheated. You can't buy a good racehorse for that kind of money. What do you know about horses? I'm very familiar with horses. I ride a great deal. I'll have you know I was practically born in the saddle. Wasn't your mother uncomfortable? Listen, William, I'm telling you that this is a great racehorse. I don't break records and I don't mean RCA Victor records. What? I just threw it in. Do you mind? I just threw it in. Records, he says. I could take the most broken down animal and in any riding stable and beat this hay burner you've been stuck with. Oh, oh, you could, huh? Let me ask you something. Would you like to have a match race and make a little bet on it? All right. When would you like to hold this so-called race? Why not right now? They're not racing at Santa Anita today and I feel confident that their turf will be an adequate condition. Fine, fine. I'll get a horse from the first riding academy I come to and meet you at Santa Anita in two hours. Goodbye, Billet. Self-long sucker. Hey, Curly, are we going to take him? He's going to be a cinch especially. Especially when you're riding our horse. Who? I ain't going to ride no horse. I'm allergic to him. When I was a kid and one of them kicked me. Yeah? Where'd he kick you? In Milwaukee. I was living there at the time. Why don't you ride him, Curly? Well, I... Well, I'd love to, Elliot, but I... I... You know, I used to live in Milwaukee, too. Why don't you fellas get a regular jockey to ride in? No, they're expensive, Alice. They get a lot of dough. Jockey. Gee whiz. Wouldn't it be wonderful if my old pal, Eddie R. Carroll, came walking through that door and said... Elliot! I don't think he'd say that, Curly. Please, Julie. Hey, um... Hey, Julius, come here. Have I got something to tell you? Good morning, Miss Faye. Well, ain't you going to say anything to us, pal? Yeah. Wait. Hey, Julius, you shouldn't say anything like that because today Mr. Lewis and I are going to do you one of the biggest favors you've ever had in your life. We just bought a racehorse and we want you to ride him in a big race. You mean you're going to let me be a jockey? Gee, Julius the Whip of Bruzio. You mean I'll be one of them guys that boots homeowners and them big races with the people screaming and yelling and they put a big horse shoe of roses around your neck and pay a lot of dough for doing it? That's it, kid. How do you like the idea? Well, it's not a big deal to me. Nobody. Oh, gee. Miss Faye here thought you'd do it for her. You want me to miss Faye? Well... In that case, I'll do it. With the woman I love to cheer me on, I shall ride like the wind. Deliver the mail later. Hey, we're leaving for the track now, Julius. Can you go with us? Certainly. Yours was the last order I had to deliver. Hey, Alice, would you like to see the race, too? I wouldn't miss it for the world. I'll get my coat and be right with you. Hey, boy, now you two guys own. All right, don't get nervous. Don't get nervous. He's over there and one of them stables. Now, look, Julius, you and Alice wait here, and Elliot and I'll go over and get him. Come on, Elliot. Yeah. Gosh. I can't wait to see blue blazes, Curly. Hey, Elliot, look over there. Look over there. Yeah. There he is. There he is. There's our horse. Boy, he's a beautiful beast, ain't he? He's got a lovely voice, too. Sounds like Crosby. Curly, lead him out of the stall so we can get a better look at him. Okay. Get it right, Alice. Easy, boy. Come on. Hello, boy. No, over here. Over here. Where are you going with that blanket? It belongs to my horse, Blue Blazes. That says Blue Blazes. It is not. I just loaned that blanket to a guy to put on this nag while he took a picture of it. You mean this ain't Blue Blazes? But we just bought them for $500. You paid 500 bucks for this? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Oh, we're taking that! Laughing, boy. What's so funny? Wait, I'll take the blanket off and show you. Gentlemen, glue pot the second. Glue pot. That's glue blazes out of Honey Girl by Blue Streak. It's glue pot out of frying pan by mistake. That's the most wave-backed nag I ever seen. Yeah. He's just got a front and an end. He ain't got no middle part. Take a look at him, Ellie, if there's our horse. Take a look at him. Has he ever swayed back? His stomach is touching the ground. What am I going to tell Alice? Let's turn it upside down and tell her it's a camel. Will you keep quiet? Now, listen, maybe if we leave the blanket on, we can keep her from seeing him before the race, that Alice sees it. Hey, mister, a partner, could we borrow this blanket for a while? Sure. But bring it back when you're through. Come on, horse. Get going, horsey. Hey, Curly, you don't want to move. He can't. His stomach's dragging. How are we going to get him over to Alice? If we had a pair of skates, we could put them under his stomach and roll him over. Yeah. We could also butter his stomach and slide him. Hey, he's moving, Curly. Should I clock him? What? A calendar? Get sensible, will you? Let's get this over with. Come on. All right. Elliott, this is the last time I'm ever going to listen to you. You talk me into buying the world's most broken-down match. Don't blame me. How did I know the guy was a crook? And besides, how do you know he can't run? Just because he's built funny don't mean anything. He might be a great runner. I certainly hope so, because I've got to go through with this race. Elliott, now, don't say nothing to Alice. Don't say a word with a blanket on him. Maybe she won't notice. All right, watch it. We're getting close. Hi, Alice. Hi. Here's our horse. Ain't he beautiful? Well, he has a lovely head and a nicely braided tail. Take the blanket off so I can see the rest of him. Now take it off. Now, wait a minute, wait a minute, Julius. Don't do it. I did. This is a horse? Sure it's a horse. Count his feet. Did you buy that thing? It's the most sway-backed animal I've ever seen. He ain't sway-backed. No, you could sprinkle snow on his back and use him for a ski jump. He may not look like much, but he'll beat Willie's horse. Come on, Julius, mount him. Wait a minute, Julius. Wait a minute, where are you going, Julius? Well, there goes Willie Schumacher's boy. Now what are we going to do? Curly, you'll have to ride. But I can't. Look, I can't get on a horse like you. Phil, Phil, here comes Willie. OK, OK, now I'm going to have to ride him. Now look, I want you two to defend blue pot in front of Willie, or I'll never live this down now. Help me now. Good boy. Whoa, steady, steady. Well, Phillip, I'm ready for the race. This is the horse I'm going to ride now. What's that? It's a horse. What did you think it was? Well, the way it sags in the middle, I thought it was a cheap mattress. He's so sway back. He is not. He's tired. That's all. He ain't even one inch sway back. He just happens to be the only race horse in the world whose stomach starts from a kneeling position. Phillip, surely you don't expect to beat me with that old thing? He ain't old. Of course he ain't old. You just watch him go when I get in that saddle and I say, get him. Oh, get him, girlie. Get him. Something I forgot to tell you. The owner told me when you wanted to go, you don't say get him out. What do I say? Just yell in his ear, to arms, to arms, the British are coming. Let's get the race started. OK, fellas, get on your horses. All right, Elliot, I'm on mine. Phillip, don't just stand there. Get on your horse. I am on my horse. Bill, pick up your legs. Your knees are dragging. All right, get ready, fellas. When I say go, you start. Oh, steady, boy, steady now. Now, look, old buddy, we're going to break fast and we're going to take to the rail. On your mark, get set, go. We're off. That's it, boy. That's it. Easy now. Curly. We're neck and neck easy. Curly. I just hope I don't override you. Curly. Why? Come back here and get your horse. Oh, hold it. An excitement, I guess I forgot it. I wonder why I was breathing so hard. Hold the horse, Elliot. I'll get on him again. Where'll I pick him up? Oh, Bill, Willie's way ahead of you. Why don't you give up? A Cherokee never gives up. This horse can run and I'll beat that Willie yet. Now, come on, boy. Let's go. Howdy, boy. She broke nicely. That's it, boy. That's it. Now, take it easy. Easy, boy. Save yourself for the stretch. Man, we're traveling at a nice, eddy clip now. Bill. Keep to the rail, baby. Keep to the rail. We'll catch up with Willie. Bill. Alice, stop walking alongside of my horse. Make some nervous. Come on, let's get going. Come on, buddy. Traveling, baby. Louie, we're going to win this pot. Now, come on, Louie. Come on, old baby. We're at the quarter pole already. Hey, Curly. About time you showed up, I've been waiting for you. All right, don't be funny. Where's Alice? She ran up ahead to brush some stones off the track. I'm right here, Phil. Honey, why don't you give up? Why should I? I'm not going to give up. I'm doing all right. I'll beat that brother of yours if it's the last thing I do. Come on, baby. Please, for Papa. Come on. I'd wake him up, but I believe he's going faster this way. Come on, will you, please, Louie? Come on, baby, just a little bit more. Please, come on. To arms, to arms. The prettys are coming. Nothing. Yeah, keep going, Curly. You're almost the finish line. I am. Come on, glue pot, wake up. Don't you even want to see the finish? Hey, where'd all them people come from? What is? You're just one tomorrow's third race. You won't. Back in just a moment. There is hardly a place in the world that you won't find that familiar trademark RCA. In radio stations in Australia, in ships plying arctic waters, in jeeps on the training fields of army camps, and, of course, in living rooms the world over. So it's not really surprising to see that symbol of dependability and superb performance in a new place on the glistening enamel of the beautiful new range in your kitchen. Yes, it's here at last, the RCA estate range. Naturally, this great new range has dozens of great new features. The sensational barbecue or meat oven that gives whole roasts, hands, or chickens that outdoor barbecue flavor. The hideaway griddle for top of the range grilling of meats, fruits, and vegetables. The oversized balanced heat bake oven. Yes, the RCA estate range is the last word in superb design, dependable performance, easy automatic operation. Visit your dealers now. See the cooking marvel of the century. The RCA estate gas or electric ranges. This is Phil again. I just want to remind you of our new time following Bob Hope on Friday nights. It's what we call H&H night. That stands for hope and ha... No, Harrison Hope. Good night. Good night, everybody. Included in this program, transcribe with Joseph Kerns, a part of Julius was played by Walter Tetley. This has been an NBC radio network production. It's the famous Glenn Miller theme, and the introduction to RCA Victor's complete musical biography of Glenn Miller and his music. In a single magnificent album priced at $24.95, RCA Victor brings you 70 Miller selections. Listen to this extraordinary collector's album. The Glenn Miller Limited Edition at your RCA Victor record dealers now. Here's a television program note. There's plenty of family fun, plenty of songs on RCA Victor's new Dennis Day show. Tune in every week. Check your newspapers, television listings for time and channel of the hilarious Dennis Day show. Remember, the Magic 28 starts Sunday on the NBC...