 Hello there, my beautiful internet friends. Welcome back to my channel. Thanks for joining me here today for a quick fireside chat, except that we aren't by a fire, but I feel like that's the kind of chat that this is gonna be. I haven't recorded anything in days. I haven't picked up a camera and talked to you guys about anything because I got this idea in my head. I started telling myself when all of this pandemic stuff started that what people need, what the people need is happy joyful, friendly, sunshine and butterflies, silly, non-serious content. That's what people need and if I need to put that out, I need to give people a break from the rest of the world and that is what I want to do. And so I haven't done anything because I have not been in that mental space. I have not been in a place where I was any of those things. I've been having a hard time and so I've just been quiet and waiting for my hard time to pass. Waiting for me to figure my shit out so that I can be happy for other people again, right? I go through that mental circle quite often. It's been something I've dealt with my whole life, this idea of if I'm not happy or having a good time or at least able to pretend for other people then I don't really have much of a place or purpose or use which isn't true, but it is what I feel sometimes. And I was reminded a couple days ago, I can guess last night actually, that that's never what's helped me. Like people being happy and joyful 24-7 and upbeat constantly is not ever what has helped me really feel better. It's never ever what has helped me heal. Yes, it's great to have like outlets where things aren't serious and aren't heavy, but as far as actually feeling better, actually healing, actually getting to a better place, that's never helped me. What's helped me is people sitting with me in things being hard. It's people who don't have the answers because there aren't any answers and people who have let me not be okay, people who have acknowledged that sometimes things suck and there's nothing that we can do aside from say that they suck and do our best to get through them. It's people who have been authentic back with me and shared their stories shared where they honestly are at. That's what's actually helped me get through things. So I don't know where I get this idea that what the people need, what everyone around me needs, what anyone needs is just happiness and joy during a very difficult time in our world. So the reason I wanted to make this video and talk to you is because I wonder that many of us aren't feeling a similar way. Everyone's having a hard time and those of us who are people-pleasers or who are helpers or advocates or the person that everyone goes to or the strong one or whatever it is, I think we all have a tendency to think that we have to be something for other people. We have to be a certain version of ourselves, a palatable version of ourselves and right now everything is hard and I think it's affecting everybody. So I wanted to make this video as a reminder to myself and to you if you feel the same way that you don't have to be that, you don't have to be happy-go-lucky and upbeat and put together or have answers or whatever it is to be useful to people around you, to be worthy of love and acceptance and all of those things. You just have to be you, you have to exist, you have to you don't have to do anything to be worthy of love and acceptance. Let's just end that sentence there. But also, I think authenticity is very healing. I think it is an incredible tool. It's a very challenging one for me and for probably you too for all of us to bear our souls and let people into what we're really feeling, to what we're really experiencing, to what's really going on. But now that we're at a point in the world where, oh, you know, everybody is affected by what's happening. Everyone is feeling off to some extent. There's, I don't think that there's a person who is not affected by what is happening in our world right now in some way and that's so weird. It's so weird that no one is okay. I mean, like I'm sure there are many people who are doing just fine, but no one is not feeling the discomfort of what's going on right now. So with that being said, I wonder that maybe the best thing that we can do for each other in some moments is to share how we're really feeling, to be real with each other, to be real with your mom or your dad or your sibling or your friend or the person you always talk to or the world online or whatever it is and let them know what you're really feeling, what you're really experiencing because one of the most powerful things in the world is to feel like you're not alone, to feel like you're not the only one feeling something and one of the best ways we can do that is by speaking it out loud. So if you feel like you have to be happy, feel like you have to hold it together all the time for people in your life, you don't, you don't have to do that 24-7. I don't have to do that 24-7. I don't have to do that here. I don't have to do that with my family or my friends. It's okay to say you're having a hard time, if you're having a hard time, I think we often leave the sentence there like it's okay not to be okay, and that's true, but it's okay not to be okay, and it's okay to express it because that's connection. That's an invitation to other people to say I'm having a hard time too. Things aren't super easy, and while that isn't a solution, it is a start. It is bringing us closer together and feeling less alone and loneliness is as often felt like death to me when you feel like you're isolated and you're the only one experiencing things. And there's a lot of people isolated right now and feeling like they might be the only person feeling the way that they are feeling because it's easy for our minds to go there. So this was a bit rambling, I feel like, I always feel like I'm rambling quite a bit, but I just wanted to let you know that I am not super okay. Things are weird, things are uncomfortable. I don't know how to handle it necessarily. I don't have the answers for everything. I'm doing my best to get through things in a healthy manner and do the things I need to do to get through each day and keep my mental health in a reasonable place, but things are so uncertain that it's unnerving. I'm scared for people. And that's okay. It's a scary time. So if you're not okay, I am inviting you to sit with me because a lot of people aren't okay right now and it's all right if you're feeling weird or scared or anxious or uncertain because that's the time that we're in and you're not the only person feeling that way. So if I may invite you to sit alongside me virtually and it's okay that we both might not be doing the best right now. And that's all that I can offer you or me or anyone is just honestly where I am. So I hope you're doing okay. I hope you're hanging in there. If you're not, I get it. But we will find a way to get through this together. We'll find a way to support each other. We'll find a way to recover when it's over. I'm thinking about you guys. You all are very heavy on my mind and my heart in a good way. I am wishing good things for all of you and that you don't feel isolated alone, but I know that so many people do. If I can say so, I see you and I feel many of the same things. So with that, I'm gonna get back to work because I have things I need to do. But I love you guys. I am thinking about you. You are not alone. I promise you you are not alone and I will see you in the next video. Bye guys. So my cat comes when he's called. Louis, come here. There he is. Hi, buddy. I got a big cat. If you've been on my channel for a little while, you may have seen glimpses of this beautiful beast, but he's pretty elusive, but he felt like a cuddle today. So his tail is at least gonna join us.