 It is the 4th of March 2020, a fantastic Thursday it is today and I hope that you are well, I hope that you are doing fine. Thank you very much for keeping it Y254. This is Power Talk. We have come to you each and every Thursday from 11 to 12 am. I repeat, all this show will be again every Thursday at 9.15 pm. So make sure that you tune in for that repeat and much more. This is why we give you life inspiring information, messages that can push you towards becoming a better version of yourself. My name is Ram Magukko. Thank you very much for keeping it Y254. We are broadcasting live also on our website at www.y254.co.ke. Make sure that you head over there if you want us to watch us online. We are broadcasting also on our online platforms. On Facebook and on Twitter we are at Y254 Facebook and Y254 channel on Twitter. This morning it's all about discussing the X-Factor, our access, our access for keeps. So many people normally struggle with their access finding out how to move on from them. Is it possible to move on from a long term relationship that has been there that you really had a lot of expectations from? Is it possible to move on from your ex? Why do we keep on going back to our exes? Why do we still keep on contacting them? And is it okay to just be friends? Well this morning this is what we shall be putting into focus as we answer the question. Our access for keeps. Make sure that you be part of this conversation and shall be highlighting where you can find us in a bit. But to help us in this discussion, I'm joined by none other than Virginia Afiji. Hi, thank you. She is an artist, a TV host and a radio host. It's a pleasure having you. Thank you. And to my extreme left I'm joined by none other than Edwin Erteigo, a pastor, a mentor and a trainer. Hello. And welcome. And I would like to also recognize the presence of a few individuals, University of Nairobi students who are also watching us live. And they are in studio here as our guests who are watching us live. Thank you very much. A big shout out to Faith and Bernard. I'm Bernard, depending on what you say. A big shout out to them, University of Nairobi students also with us watching the show live on studio. I don't know what to say. But a big shout out to them, University of Nairobi students, you are well represented. This is Power Talk. Power Talk starts now. The hashtag as always is Power Talk show on Twitter at Ram Aguco. You can find me at Ram Aguco and at Y254 channel. Let's get this show going. Let me start with you pastor. Yes. Our access for kips. And just to start this conversation, is it healthy to just keep in touch with the next? It depends on a lot of things. Like what? One of them being what was the expectation of the relationship when it began in the first place. What brings about the X factor? What makes an X to be called an X? The reason why you broke up. The reason why you broke up. That will inform on whether they are for kips or whether you are to move on and go. Because let's give a scenario where you're beginning a journey. When you want to go from here to Karyobangi, you take Matatu. If you want to go from here to the United States of America, you will take a plane. So it means Karyobangi and the United States of America are two different places. So if you had a relationship where you did not know where you were going, both of you, definitely the X factor will come about. Meaning one will head to where they are going, whether it's Karyobangi, and the other one will continue their journey to the United States of America. There are levels. Lens. Lens. Even when you are flying a plane from Kisumu to Nairobi, and another one is flying from Kisumu to the UK, they do not fly at the same political miles. And also the sea level is different. It's different. So what brings about the X factor in the first place? The reason as to why people break up? Depending on your destination or depending on your journey, you can say that I will stay in touch or not. Yes. Okay. Interesting. Meaning it's a 50-50 thing. It's a 50-50 thing. You can stay in touch or not. Again, it depends on the maturity of the people who are in the relationship. Okay. How do these people break up? Is it okay? Do you guys agree with what he is saying? No. Personally, according to me, I feel like a close chapter should be a close chapter. Kamaimeishaimeisha. Kamaimeishaimeisha. You know, there is a reason as to why this person is your ex. There is no way this person is going to be your friend. Your brother can be your friend. Your sisters can be your friends. You know, your cousins can be your friends, but somebody you had a relationship with. Definitely. You had dreams. You had plans. There are so many things. There is a reason as to why you had a misunderstanding and both of you had to part ways. So to me, it's a no-no. It's a no-no. So you cannot just be friends with an ex? I personally, I feel like it's unfair to the person you... Maybe you're trying to start something with. Let's say I'm a friend with my ex. What about the person I'm with right now? Let's say my ex is a friend with... This is my friend. What about the girl he's trying to pursue at the moment? Are they going to be okay with that situation? I don't think so. So according to me, it's a closed chapter. It's a closed chapter. Let it just be the way it is. And I'm looking at a scenario whereby you have an ex and your ex dates your best friend. Can you say that now we are friends as ladies, we are best friends. Even though he is my ex, we will not talk to him but I'll be talking to you. Isn't that a complicated scenario? How do you balance that? Let me say this. You can only be a friend to your ex if maybe there are kids involved or there is a kid involved. Because in such a situation you have to be friends for the second, the children. But if there are no kids involved, there is no child involved. Completely so. I see no point of any friendship. Even if the person, the other thing is your best friend. I'll have to lose one of them or either both of them. Complicated. I finished my point by saying it depends on the level of maturity. Any time you are leaving a room you have always said watch out on how you close that up because anything might happen. So the level of maturity of who? Both of you. You yourself, your ex, your level of maturity will determine whether that relationship can be kept. Listen first. I totally get his point. Excuse me. When you have broken up with someone, the factors which determine whether your relationship will be maintained as friends depends on what was the purpose of the relationship. In the first place, what was the purpose of the relationship? Any time that you are getting involved in a relationship they always, many people describe and they say that the end justifies the what? It justifies the means. So it means as you're beginning the relationship, look at what are the interests first of all of both of you. Then those will determine whether when you come to the end of that relationship you will say that you are getting involved in a relationship but at the same time if you are getting involved in a relationship, you might need the other. Does that mean that you cannot be able to come together? You are poking my interest now. You are getting involved in a relationship. You are getting involved. I am not saying that you are at the stage, you are in a relationship but what I am saying is you don't have to be enemies but what I am saying is what is the point of keeping staying in contact. That's the main issue. I don't see the point of communicating, you keep texting, you keep calling. How about the person you are trying to pursue at that moment? When they hear you are a friend with your ex you can call your ex when you need them. It's pointless. What are the boundaries for an ex? How do you see that these are the lines that we have and beyond this we have nothing else in common? Yeah, if let's say you had a business together or maybe you had started a business together we can talk about that but you cannot call me in the middle of the night. You cannot text me the way you want. There are things we can talk about. It's just you can't be friends with someone you are You used to be intimate with him. No, you cannot work. If you are no friends, then automatic. You can work together, you can be I don't know. What is your colleagues working together in the same place? What if you are a business partner? What if you go to the same school or church? That's where the boundary is now coming. Together we will talk about school after school. Your ex is a member of your fellowship. Interesting. I have many partners. That is why I have said it is very very much important to be mature in one way. You learn how to differentiate matters. You learn how to differentiate the different levels of relationships that you are supposed to have. Either way when you are having an ex, for example at your workplace for instance, they are your boss will you stop working simply because you are ex? Many people resign. That's where the boundary is coming. You know what to talk with this person about. There are things you will not talk about with them. So which boundaries would you set? Because you matured maturity. Yes, maturity. It means for someone who is mature he must recognize that I will deal with him in this way in this manner. Objectively, not subjectively. How? In this case, if at all you are in a working relationship let it be work and work alone. That means anything you pass through in the relationship you put it at the back and you continue with your journey. Afiji, you mentioned calls beyond a certain time at what time should you say beyond this time, no calls? I think past 11pm that's a little bit over the boundary. Is there a specific time to receive calls? 11 will mean you still have interests. True. He is right. 11 means you still have interests. You still have interests. 30 will mean you still have interests. Unless you are a doctor. Unless you are a doctor. Unless you are a doctor. Yes, there is a case. Where? At this point I would like you to tell those who are watching. At what point should you say beyond this time you should receive calls because there is someone else that probably you are doing what you are pursuing. You understand? And my principle is what to maintain maturity in this essence of the ex-ex relationship. Those are calls. What about texts beyond that time? Texts. Is it okay if I text you at 11pm or midnight? No. What is the limit? I think probably at the same time 10, 11. I believe I want to twist this conversation a bit. Okay. Anytime you have been in a relationship I believe you should ask yourself like she said before. You understand? Yes. The dead can be resurrected and they be meaningful. And to you. You understand? I wonder how. So, how long should you stay away from your ex before it's okay to be friends? How long should you stay away from your ex before it's okay to be friends? I had a theory that it takes half the time to heal. Hmm. Let's say you were in a relationship for 4 years I hear it takes half the time to heal. So it will take you like 2 years to heal. So if you are dating for a year you say 6 months? Yeah, maybe 6 months. So I don't know if you've dated for 10 years if it takes you 5 years well that's a long time. But I hear it takes half the time to heal. Thanks. How long did it take before it was just okay to be friends? It took half the time. When you are interested in somebody, of course you will there are feelings that you will develop for this individual. We call it emotional investment. Emotional investment. But now after you've invested in this person you break up, now it's your ex. But now what does it mean for an individual who keeps on going back to their ex? I would presume I would presume that this is someone who does not know what they want. This is someone who does not know what they want. Because when you begin a relationship there are things that you watch and I believe as you are looking for a relationship you have a checklist together with you, everybody has this checklist together with them. So as the time is moving on they are moving on as they take on their checklist what they have found and what they have not found. You understand? So that one will depend on how much more they will continue investing in this person. So what is the reason that you are looking for a partner for your own money? Is it because of the money you are looking for? You are looking for a partner and he is getting more interested. What happens when those money are not enough? All of a sudden you are spending your time spending your time it means your partner is getting disinterested. Those are what we call the red flags. So you should avoid going out with your ex at all costs frequently? If you are having an ex definitely I will say keep it. If at all there is a relationship which has remained keep it to the reason of the relationship. Don't revisit what I said earlier in my paper if at all the reason of your relationship is not to go back to the relationship totally keep off that. Keep off. Yes. What does it mean when someone keeps going back to the ex? Let me just give an example. Let this have this attendance. It's actually men. Don't let this have this groups where they sit together and you cry on each other's shoulders. She keeps on going back to him. She keeps on going back and forth. Such thing is common amongst ladies. What has that been for that friend who keeps on going back to her ex? Each and every time it's like they never learn. I think in most situations they usually hope for maybe a change. They usually hope maybe this person is going to change their mind. We are going to rekindle what we had and maybe get back together. In most cases we are usually in denial. Most ladies are usually in denial. You've not accepted that this situation is over. This is a closed chapter. You're still hopeful this person to get back together with you. That's usually the situation. You go back once, twice, twice and you see it's the same outcome. Just a point you just have to accept and you move on. Someone won't say madness is doing the same thing in the same way. Expecting different results. But now is it possible for you to go back to your ex and they change and things get better? It is possible. If a relationship is defined you understand? You always work. You understand? In our African culture we say that you understand? You understand? That is why I mentioned the issue of the checklist. That is what may give you a possibility of giving room if at all there can be change. Going back to your ex and things change and they actually things can change but that person cannot change. Things can change but that person cannot change. Let's say you left someone because maybe they had a bad character trait they will try to change for you. Not that they will try to change they will try to please you by doing something that you didn't like but that person will still remain that person. They will never change. Let's say if he was a cheat he will remain a cheat. If he was a disrespectful person he will still remain a disrespectful person. You get it? So that person cannot change. You cannot go back to someone and expect them to be a whole different person. Now we are talking about going back to your ex. You are dating and you find yourself in a problem that your current fiance, boyfriend or girlfriend depending on the level that you are in cannot help you. And the only person who can help you is your ex. It could be maybe he is financially stable or connected. How do you do that? Do you still go back to your ex? If it's nothing to do with intimacy I will still call him and tell him I need this and this and that and I know you are the only person who can help me. So it's okay to call them? But that is the person who doesn't care their boundaries as long as I am not interfering with his situation, whatever he is it's well and good. Maybe it may be something that you get so it's okay. That is why I said it is very, very important to be careful on how you close the door. When you leave a room it might happen and you would want to do it to go back. Now what about gifts? Is it okay to still keep your ex's items? The ones that are in your house his clothes, the gifts that he bought you for your birthday. Is it okay to still continue putting on your ex's clothes? Normal. Who is it? Who is it? I would not advise to keep gifts. Which will spur which will spur memories and bring back things which you have already buried. You understand? I am a lady and this is what I will say. Ladies get gifted a lot. Because these are the fake ladies. I am sure. I don't see the issue. Gifts are sentimental so it depends on how you relate to the gift. If that gift makes you remember your ex a lot then it's definitely a distraction. I mean you get gifted today, tomorrow, you know I don't see the big deal you can keep the gift if you want to. It might be a car, you can keep it. You can keep it. Keep the gift. I don't see the big deal unless if you look at the gift you start remembering your ex maybe you get emotional then that's a whole distraction. What was the reason of the gift in the first place? Let's not mix it up. Let's divide it into two. We have the gifts that you received when you were still dating and you still have them, those items. But now you are in a different relationship but you still have those gifts. Should you throw them away? And that's the first scenario. The second scenario is you are dating and your ex sends you gifts. These gifts which are keeping on coming they should communicate something to you. They should be a communication. For the gift which you received when you are still in the relationship my friend has said that if it is a car she will keep it. No. Those gifts they meant something to you. They communicated something to you. Definitely. They will refresh your memory about your ex and definitely you will have in one way or another to remember that there is a way or there is a place where they touched you with their gift. So many times you will find in relationships So, let me cut you off. We will come back. Let's take a break. But after this break we will tell me what if your ex is really close to your family members? Okay. So, your ex is really close to your family members and now you don't know what to do because they supported him. We shall be answering this and much more questions. Remember the hashtag as always is Power Talk Show. We had asked our viewers to send in clips as always. This is what we always do each and every Thursday on each show. Tell us your thoughts on our Power Talk Show on Twitter at Ramaguku at Y254 channel. Secondly, tell us your thoughts on video. You sent us a one minute clip of yourself telling us what you think. Some of our viewers sent their clips. We shall something them up after this break. Do not go too far. This is Power Talk. Why 254? Imagine. To get Matthew chapter 7, this is Power Talk. We are getting power from this conversation. I hope you are being empowered through this conversation. The hashtag is Power Talk Show on Twitter at Ramaguku at Y254 channel. Today we are asking the question, are exes for kids? Now, let me head over to Facebook and see what people are saying. I am with a Fiji Moneve and a pastor, Karibun Nisana. To understand what people are saying on our Facebook platform. I am seeing Rodriguez at the Benz Omondi. Your ex is calling you at 11pm and you accept? Really? I am watching from Ebulwanda Buñore. Koveto or Burakwada. Apple Lops, Nikiwa LD. It is right since you let her know every part of your greatest moves. By the way, your part, is it okay to keep in touch with them just for them to know that you are moving on? Watch this space. In five years I will not be there. That is already a sign you have not moved on. Kalale Waiuna, Nikondani, Nikiwa Kitale, Kibomete, Pamoja, Haditamati. Actually, I am watching from Macha. Masinde, Kutoka Vumile I am watching from Machangichu County. Slector Davie and Songambele Kamayinjili. Songambele Kamayinjili. Faster. We shall supplement them up. Remember, we also asked our viewers to send us a clip. Those clips are coming up in a bit. But now let's move on with this conversation. And I ask the question, what if your ex has a good rapport with your family members? What do you do in that scenario? Let me start with that first. Well, I don't see the big deal if you are friends with my sister, if you are friends with my mom, if you are friends, you know, you can stay friends with them. But I think I won't be in a space where you are there with them, you know. But the family members will be putting in a pressure. They will organize events and make sure that you are on the same table. I would love to tell them whose side are you on here. Is it mine or no? That's why you want him. When the car is in the boat. When the car is in the boat. Your ex has both your mother a brand new prado or Mercedes. But you know, at the end of the day, the decision is mine, you know. There is a reason as to why that person is my ex. If he still wants to be friends with my family, that's up to him. If he wants to be friends with him, that's also okay, you know. You will not go and tell someone I don't want you to be friends with him. They want to stay friends. As long as it's not interfering with me or my decisions or my plans, it's fine. Your ex has a good rapport with your family and friends. How do you work your way through that? The best way is to be able to define yourself. Let everybody understand your principle. And what you want for your own life. Again, they are friends with my family. They are not friends with me. You cannot stop anyone from being friends with whoever they want to be friends with. In this case, I would always say that it is upon you, probably let us go back to where it began. By the time you are introducing them to your family. Don't introduce to your family things which are not serious. Because you will always be having a problem. Because this family remember we love this one. By the time you are coming it will be chaotic. When you are beginning a relationship getting to the level where now you are bringing in your family, let it be something serious. Point not for everyone. To your family. Let it be something serious. Because can you imagine you are having about four exes I don't have okay that especially for believers. I also give my stand as far as faith is concerned and relationship. But can you look at a scenario where you are having three exes and they all know your parents they all know your family, they know your brothers. Your life will be chaotic. Yeah. Let me ask you another question. An ex you are dating but now in the course of you guys dating they die. How do you move on from that? Because now we can just say that is your ex now. But not that in the natural before you were thinking before you could sort things out. But now how do you handle that scenario. Let me come to you Fiji. Well that's different because that's like you still in a relationship with someone and then all of a sudden they are not there anymore. You get it. So it takes time for you to accept the situation. First of all you will have to grieve it takes time for you to accept and then now for you to move on maybe you feel because anyone who has ever lost someone who they are dating they usually feel very guilty to move on but you know it gets to a point you feel like this person has blessed you, has given you the blessing now you feel like you're okay to start seeing someone else it takes time. But will you move on? Most people do even in marriage you know you might even be married to someone still young. Maybe it was an early marriage you were still young and then you lose your partner. It happens but it takes time. It gets to a point where you feel like your partner has given you the blessing so you can now move on. Is it okay to move on? Now that you know you have his things in your house you know property everything you made plans and now death how do you do it? Death is inevitable it is a journey that each and every one of us will take at one point in life that is the first fact to accept in life wherever you are in whatever relationship be it at your workplace no one day you will die the most important thing it is the process that you undertake after that person dies of course there was closeness but now they are not here anymore once you have accepted that fact then you begin on the steps to recover from that we may call it trauma you recover from the emotions that you had and you move on from there definitely at one point you just have to but the question is how long do you give yourself before you say because you find someone people are different someone will even take 10 years so people are different take enough time take enough time to grieve and to mourn because you know mourning is a process after you grieve and mourn now begin to move on with life because it is important you do now I am told the clips already before this conversation is going up it was a sad mood let me change it again you have tattooed the name of your ex on the street Chinneke where? I don't judge people who tattooed names of their partners but I don't judge people who tattooed names of their partners but I don't judge I don't judge but I don't judge but when you get to that point because people do things you can even move in together with someone it doesn't work out you still have to strategize what to do next because at the end of the day there are things that happen so if you tattooed someone's name you just figure out maybe you go and do a cover up or something because if you are no longer together what's the essence of working around with someone's name on your body you know for them who have tattooed the names of their loved ones it is easy but don't get to a place where you worship someone you've never even tattooed the name of God or a scripture on your skin why should you tattoo someone's name on yourself I don't want to be tattooed I am here nobody's son has taken me there no it should not get to those levels love someone express your love and emotions to them but don't get to a place of worshiping them you are saying tattooing someone is actually worshiping that person that is too far tattoo them in your heart that is too far tattoo them in your heart what's the essence let's take a look at what people are saying I still have so many questions that we have not covered let's take a look at what people said remember we asked the people to send a one minute clip of themselves what are acts for keeps take a look good morning Ram my name is Lame from Kembu County my contribution is that you should be able to keep your acts it is controversial but I believe that is the right thing to do because before the dating you were friends first and that friendship should be superior than that you had so after the experiment you must recondole what you had before the experiment that is friendship friendship withstands at the test of time and therefore after you fail to do what you wanted to do in your relationship you must go back to where it started and that is the friendship base you will keep your acts close but not so close to avoid some temptations that may come with some memories thank you hey so excess excess excess excess are not for keeps for me when you leave you have left you cannot have your way back into my life even as a friend it's not supposed to be that way because if that person intended to be in your life they would still be in your life and they would not have left so if they left they left and that's it being in communication you know sometimes you date someone just for a month or two months then you realize no we are not compatible that one cannot be an ex that one was just someone that you went and took coffee together and that's it that's it that on his farm he left he left I don't know let me just give you time to react to what people have said the two viewers who have given their comments do you agree with what they said Afeja I agree with that I agree with that close the chapter Songha the same way that guy said come in Jilly like he said come in Jilly in Jilly in Jilly in Jilly do you agree with what our viewers have said I still maintain my position Salimia ex so for him and Salimia ex just for his own benefit security what are you talking about what are you talking about at one point what are you talking about 10 years from now they are in the same school and they are now on a date that's it let me let me try let me try to see my words properly let's say you are dating somebody and this person does not have the same abilities as your ex and here we are talking about you know the abilities that are that normally take place indoors closed door private activities what do you do in that scenario a phage so you come in the father yeah you come in the father well I think people are different I don't have to kill a kid you get you may find maybe your ex had the ability but there is no kid like there is something he lacked and maybe this person has that factor you get so you just have to find the balance and you know what you can work with what you can't work with if it's something you can't work with I don't understand why you are dating that person if it's something you can work with people are different what is it Osama we are discussion here we are talking about now what do you do your current one doesn't have the same ability to motivate you as the previous one what made you move to what made you move to the current one you understand but these are things you cannot tell you are now inside you are in closed doors you realize oh they don't satisfy me as the previous one expectation it's a bit challenging from where I sit yes let me allow me to speak from where I sit please do as a believer we are not allowed to go about test driving you understand you are not allowed to go about test driving and therefore it means when you've set your expectation in any relationship it includes those private matters that you have highlighted yeah that's what I mean you are a person who is in a relationship who is in a relationship and you may not understand but of course someone must be well functional when you are getting into a what into a relationship you are not allowed to go to the current one and therefore it means when you find you are not allowed to Just work through it, that you make things work because the past is past. But remember, we do not advocate for doing what? Test driving. You have something to add on there? No, I just agree with what he said. If your expectations are lowered, you just have to work through what you have because there is a reason why you started dating this person. Because you're not going to tell me if you find someone is not... If you find the expectations are lowered, you're not going to tell me you will go back. Okay. You're not ready for the journey. Like, if you come here, I will buy you a car. That's what the name is. Who do you do how easy? I don't know how easy. Anyway, let's talk about something else. The ex from Bali, whether they bought your house, they bought your car. They only financed everything that you now own. I'm talking about physical materials. You now have a good house, a good car. They even got you a job. The money you earn, you owe it to them in a way. But now they're your ex. You've moved on, you're dating someone else. How do you handle such a scenario? Because now your ex will feel like they own you. It's like you are who you are because of them. I believe that when you're getting into a relationship with someone, nobody expects that you're going to break up at some point. So the moment you're in a relationship, you usually build each other. So there's no way somebody can get to a point of buying your house, buying your car, getting your job. If you've not built him as well, you get. So it's usually a 50-50. So we've gotten to this point, we cannot go on with our relationship. We have to part ways, but whatever happened, happened. You built me, I built you. Let's go and separate ways. I'll go with the biblical principle. That do unto others what you live to be done unto you. And therefore I always say, look at life from the humane or from the humanity perspective. No matter the kind of investment you put in someone's life, just tell yourself that I'm a human being and I'm meant to do what I'm meant to help. You will move on faster. So any time you would want to help someone, the younger you become, first of all, live along the emotional part of it. Because the reason as to why people have excess, it is because, it is because when you have a relationship, aspect, remember there is no relationship with our closeness. You understand? So, But if you respect the humane principle, Ram, just a minute, first of all, if you respect the humane principle, anything will happen. First of all, as a human being, before you attach any emotion to it, you believe it will be quick. But now we have people who now cry back to you and tell you that you must return everything that I gave to you. I made you who you are. You must pay back everything that I gave to you. I think that's a bit selfish, you know. They were not doing it from akwana fanyana romoja, you know. Because initially, when you're with someone, you don't look at it in terms of it has been a fit name in your relationship, you get it. You're just being, you're being supportive to your partner the way he wants you to be supportive. You get the same way he's being supportive to you. So if things go south and the mnamoa could break up, I think it's just you accept and then when I say, where are you backing? Are you backing? It's okay, you know. I support you from where we are. You move on. You move on from there. I think the people who usually ask back for what they bought, I think it's a bit selfish. Selfish. And some of them end up insulting you. Announcing to each and everybody. They even go to some media. You had me mention. They go, come on, you're a real ex, you survive. Because you deserve it. You go to one party. And then it goes around telling everyone in the party they go, I'm not like that. I'm not like that. I'm not like that. But just as she said, it's a bit childish. Yeah, when you come back to claim back the things that you gave an ex. No matter how expensive it is. Still, I have a lot of questions. Let's talk about information. You are now dating somebody. Should your ex be aware about your current expeditions? Should you keep information from your ex? Information how? Information. What you're doing, what you're working, you know how your day is going. When you talk to your ex and you say, how are you? You know, you pour yourself. Or should you, you know, have restrictions as to your daily routine is all about. It still comes down to boundaries. The same way we spoke before. Because if we are no longer together, I don't see the essence of you knowing where I am, what I'm doing. You could be a psycho. A psycho. Yeah. I could be telling you information about what I'm doing and maybe where we left our relationship. Maybe you're still bitter. I don't see the essence of you telling your ex every single thing that you're doing in your life. It just comes down to boundaries. What are we talking about? Are we talking about school? Let's talk about school. Are we talking about work? Let's talk about work. Are we talking about, you know, it comes down to boundaries. Pastor, your ex texts you five years later or ten years or a few months later, just checking up. How are you? What are you up to? Do you say it's none of your business? You don't say it's none of your business. Remember, this is someone that you once had a relationship with. And the level of engagement here, it may be different. There's information you cannot give to them. There's the deeper information you cannot give to them. Because there are different levels of friendships. We have constituents. We have comrades. And there are those ones who are confident. So at one point probably they were you are confident. You understand? But when you parted ways, they began to move from the inner circle to the outer most circle. So you will see the information depending on where you want the relationship to remain. So yes, there are boundaries, but you cannot be able to deny them the basic information. You give them encouragement. They have to move on with the life. Encourage them in one way. Send them a devotional. Send them a script. Send them a script. Send them a devotional. But you see what can yell. Your ex sends you a text at 5 a.m. Your partner sees it. And he says, who is texting you? Maybe it could be just about some non-issue, a work related issue or something. Should you be concerned as a partner that your current person is receiving messages from the ex, even though it's completely not relationship connected or something? Yeah, Ram. One thing I want you to know is, I want everyone to know, the viewers, that there is no relationship which is absolute. Insecurities are always there. You understand? So it depends on the level of confidence you have built with the current partner you are having at that moment. If they have confidence with you, they can allow you to go and sit in a restaurant with your ex, believing there is nothing that will take place. Should you tell your partner all the exes you have? It is very important to unleash skeletons from the closet. But do it very, very carefully. Unleash one by one. You understand? That is what I tell people. Whenever you meet a new partner, make sure any skeleton you have in your closet begins to release one by one. Yes. Not all at once. Not all at once, it will be chaotic. Yeah, I feel it's necessary because what if something happens in the future and then it's going to build some trust issues. Your partner will be like, you would have told me this, you would have told me this, you would have told me this. So I feel like if you have an ex, maybe that you're still talking to, your partner needs to know. They should know all your exes. Yes. Not all your exes, but could not bring in a C exes. They should know that maybe the major people that mattered in your life, people that you really, people that were really special in your life, you know. Amongst your exes. Amongst your exes. Should you block them? If it's necessary. If they are both. Yes. Some people can just decide to make your life a nightmare. Yeah. Maybe they've not moved on. They've not moved on. So that is why I say depending on maturity, when we began the show, depending on maturity, you understand? Okay. It will determine whether you will block them or whether you will be able to continue with your engagement. I have another case scenario. I have so many. Should you be bothered when your ex move on so fast? A hundred percent. A hundred percent. Because people take time to, if somebody really was really special in your life, you're not just going to let go in a minute and hop on to the next one, you know. It takes time for you to heal. Everyone gets devastated. You might not be interested in that relationship, but the moment you realize this person is not in my life anymore, it takes you time to heal. It takes you time to accept. It takes you time to get. Which you said that's time. It's time taken depends on a person. Exactly. What if, yeah, I'm a time-yaki-mesha? That means I'll need to move on to the next one. So maybe the moment we will have to heal, you guys are still in a relationship. He had started moving on, you know. Meaning the breakup started way before you. So when you see your partner has moved on very fast? Yeah. Hey, shouldn't be bothered on your past day when your ex move on so fast? You should not be bothered, yeah. Because one is you also want to move on, yeah. If you call it both quits, yeah, then it should not bother you that they moved on so fast unless you still had some emotional attachments. One thing that I always advise people, once you've gotten out of a relationship, yeah, once you've gotten out of a relationship, take your time, first of all, because if you fail to do that, the mistakes you made in the past relationship, you are here to make them again. And then the X factor will be an issue in your life for good. So don't be offended that someone has moved on, learn a lesson from it. Learn a lesson? Yes, learn something from that. We are coming to the close of this, but let's close with you, Fiji. You are an artist. Yeah. Tell us about the song that you have so far. Yeah, I have a song in it too, I am tired. You are tired? Yes. My teacher and my ex. No. Tell us about the song. I am tired is basically a song about commitment. So I don't wait but I think in early 2020, so it's basically I'm just trying to represent the ladies who are ready to commit, ready to settle down, ready to be with one person. It's all about commitment. Okay. Yeah. All right. And you can give us a line in that song, Cindy. Yeah. So I'll give you time to sing that, but thank you very much Pastor Tiago for being with us. Today I was with Edwin Tiago, he's a pastor, a mentor and trainer with Virginia, a Fiji, a Bono, an artist, a TV and radio host. That brings us to the end of Power Talk this morning. It has been a pleasure. Our access for keeps. Well, catch a repeat of this show again tonight at 10 p.m. Every Thursday at 10 p.m. Catch a repeat of this particular show. I would like to end with this quote here that says, being friends with your ex is like keeping an empty wine bottle in your fridge. You get nothing from it and it takes up space. It's something new. Well, that brings us to the end of Power Talk. This has been Power Talk Show right here on Y254. My name is Ram Magugo. God bless you. Have a fantastic day. And thank you very much for keeping it. Y254, a Fiji. Malzaki Pindi with your song there. Hi guys. I have a brand new song. It's called Niko Chayari. It's on all platforms. So I'm just going to give you a small piece of the song. Niko Chayari Kusema Nikonawe Usiniache Moewa Kudai Thank you. Thank you very much for giving it Power Talk. See you again next Thursday right here on Y254. This is Power Talk.