 My biggest fear is that I am never gonna be well and that I'm never gonna recover and I'm never gonna be able to get beyond where I am right now and I've had this fear for a very long time. I feel that I'm never gonna be stable and that I will never get back to the life that I used to have before mental illness took over. I feel really lost right now. I don't know where to turn. I feel lost. Lost in my thoughts, lost in my words, lost in everything I'm feeling right now. It's terrifying to think how quickly things have spiralled even though for a minute I thought things were gonna be okay. Recovery is scary, especially when you realise you're right at the start after years of thinking you're on the right path. Only to realise you are essentially spinning in circles that entire time. Recovery is certainly not linear. I don't know how I feel right now and you know what that's totally fine. I want to run and hide away from it all because you know what, like most people, I massively fear the unknown and truthfully that's what this journey is. What's going on, you got that? Welcome back to my channel. In case you didn't know, I was in hospital over the weekend on the basis that I had a slip-up. They thought I had an incident due soon after being discharged that it wasn't safe for me to remain at home so I was in hospital and this video was kind of just to summarise that. I wrote what I said earlier on at the beginning of the admission but I didn't know if I was gonna be in a long term, if I was gonna be heading for another short admission. I didn't know what was gonna happen and I wrote how I felt and I really really hope this video helps people feel less alone because you're not alone in whatever you're going through and that's just what I wanted to say. I'm not wearing makeup, I'm not dressed up, I'm not scripting this video, this is just how I genuinely feel. I feel a lot better now, I've had my medication so if I see him slowed down it's because I've had my evening meds. I want you to know that you're not alone and no matter what people say, you really can get through it. I'm here for you and I hope you guys are there for me. I want to do a quick shout out to my two patrons, Drunk Shop Library and Sky High Tower. Thank you for being patrons, thank you for supporting my channel, thank you for supporting me and if anyone would like to support me, my Patreon, Paypal and my Amazon wishlist, I'll all link down below. Everything helps, everything contributes and without you guys I wouldn't be able to be here right now so thank you and I hope this video helped in some way. Peace.