 Welcome to the 21 report. I'm Frank Pesci and I'm here with speaker content creator men's coach and personal trainer I end a Gordon I end a how are you? How are you doing cancer? Appreciate you doing great What do you think of the event that Anthony put together so far? Well in the place where we are right now in society These things are absolutely necessary and they're becoming more and more scarce, right? So we need these places where men of all ages can come share interact Have an experience and learn something teach something maybe even possibly Share you know what I mean open up their minds have a different perspective I mean this is all good healthy male behavior and the fact that he incorporates the women into it is even like you know more amazing So yeah, I think it's extremely valuable And at the same time I think it's unfortunate that it's it's happening You know so little I think we need just more of this throughout our society This needs to be more of a common thing and we definitely need more guys to start coming I know that the views are great on the playback, but I feel like more guys should understand that this migration Is it's a priority? Right to come out and have that experience that's gonna last with you a lifetime And it's gonna bring you back every year. You know what I mean? You get to see these people again as more people are coming new faces are coming You also get to see Those people you met the last time around you know what I mean? Do you do you find that this environment makes it easier to build relationships new relationships establish rapport with people because you come Together under a common banner of personal growth or you know inspiration or equipping How do you feel about the relationship how the process of forming relationships happens in a place like 21 convention? Well, I think relationships have a lot to do with relating to one another obviously bringing and receiving value but I think they also have a lot to do with Continuity because if I meet you at this time in this place in this year, and we have a discussion We both are Aspiring to be better But when I see you next year, what have you done in this time? What have I done in this time? So we create an expectation through relationships or healthy relationships at least and you want to show people the growth in the progress Because part of them is counting on you because you made a verbal commitment to the other the person as well as yourself Then he am really gonna start working on those things. Yeah, that's suggestion. You made I'm gonna check I'm checking out I'm gonna look into it And each one teach when we all can learn So you're saying that in the framework of these relationships We have a system of accountability for one another not not so much that I have to worry about what I end a thinks of What I'm doing But when I see him again because I respect him and because he gave me value in the interactions that I had with him I have a duty to return value to him Which means that I need to be moving forward in my life with a value add and everything that I do thus creating a system of accountability Now as a content creator that is to say you are a speaker You are among other great speakers who are moving in this space Do you feel that you have a sense of accountability to the other speakers? I feel like I have accountability to everyone everyone that I act I interact with that I engage with because I am Meeting people right and they're giving me their time, right? And they're giving me their trust right and they believe in me So yeah, it's you use the word care, but then you use respect So it's like I shouldn't care what other people think well if you respect that person you absolutely should care what they think Because whatever you do they're guilty by association because they associate with you so to a degree They're endorsing you right you see what I mean and people use the word like support Oh, what do you think about this person because you support this person like whoa, whoa, whoa Do I support the person do I support their views? Are you sure of that and what I mean by that is just being associated with someone people view that as you support their behavior and their views So yes, that accountability is it's there. Absolutely. So with that then what what's it like meeting your fans? People who have followed your content interact and engage your content now you have the opportunity to meet them in person first hand I mean and you're the speaker and you know people come here to meet the speakers to learn from the speakers be part of that interaction But what does it feel like from your perspective to meet your fans? But to me it's informative Because I don't know who's on the other end of the screen I don't know and I don't know how they're perceiving me or how they're interpreting what I'm saying Am I fending them? Am I motivating them? I don't know when you meet them questions are answered and it gives you a better direction It helps my GPS, you know, right? I know what direction I need to be going in more. So what adjustments I might need to make Okay, and how I'm influencing people. I think that's very important So that I can better hone in on my skills because I didn't choose this you know, I kind of fell into this and it was It helping people and people coming and telling me that giving me the testimonies. I mean, so oh, oh, oh, I Think I need to You know, I got to put more into this because people are getting something out of it, right? So I need the feedback to understand is What I'm doing meaningful and can it be even more meaningful if I can touch this amount of men and help this amount of men Well, how many more can I help? So that's that's the question. I have to ask myself and the people giving me the feedback Helps me to answer it Yeah, yeah, the timing your speech was very interesting another event that was happening was there was a panel that was going on with multiple speakers and Obviously, you have to make a choice Watch who you're gonna watch. I will say in your room. There was tremendous First of all, there was a lot of people in your room. There's a tremendous amount of attention given to your speech First of all, I'd encourage everybody to go and watch it on 21 studios. I sat in on it I thought it was phenomenal But maybe as a teaser you can give the folks, you know here in the 21 report, you know a little bit about what you spoke about today and What you what revelations you receive for yourself after delivering it. Mm-hmm. Well, so, you know, I was aware of this event for, you know, at least a couple of years and To to be contacted and invited was Unexpected to say the least right and I you know immediately rose to the occasion. I said, this is fabulous. You know, this is this is great, you know It's my first speech Right, but you know, this is the first time for everything, right? And I look at that as an amazing opportunity because I don't know but I will know I Know I did that was your first right. I'm gonna know after this. Wow, right? I'm gonna be able to get critiqued I'm gonna be able to critique myself. So this is gonna be great, you know going into this and I said, all right Well, it's time to choose a topic, you know, so I said I want something that every man because I don't know who's gonna be there I don't know what age they are. I don't know what they've experienced I don't know what they need to hear what they want to hear So I want to hit something that's umbrella I want to hit something that every man can get under it, right and stay dry And then I also want to speak about something that is not gonna conflict with what any of the other speakers are saying But guess what? I don't know what any of the other speakers gonna be talking about, right? So, you know, God forbid that two people cover the same topic now becomes a competitive thing. Well, who's who's better? They both talked about the same thing. I'm not here to compete with any speakers. I'm here to build with these speakers, right? So I chose Sexual discipline it was a fantastic topic Right, please speak on it even more So I felt that this is something that I've struggled with and I know for a fact every man has struggled with it I know absolutely every man has struggled with this. It doesn't matter how Good you are with women or how bad you are with women. You still struggle with it You just express it differently and manifest differently and it and it manifests in what's at your disposal If you have access to beautiful women, if you're in a position of power now you struggle with Indulging because it's there. You can have it. You can have it. You're the boss, right? And if you're the you know the weasel or the loser or the incel or whatever derogatory terms you want to use You're at the other end of the spectrum But you're still struggling with it because you might not can get the women and that's stressing you out that you can't get that access and You might be reducing yourself to a poor addiction right Two guys in the opposite ends of the spectrum one with no power one with all the power Right one with no money one with all the money one with no women one with all the women, but everything in between right it's struggling with Making responsible decisions revolving around their desire for sex One of the greatest drives that any Human has never mind a man mm-hmm is the sexual drive mm-hmm It can be used for the most beautiful Consummation and communication between two people, but it can also be one of the greatest tools of destruction You talked in your speech about sexual regret And when you spoke about that I can tell you that my ears perked up because we all have life experience And you know it is something that every man must be thinking about front and center as they're pursuing their purpose their assignment how does Their sexual drive either feed into the accomplishment of that purpose or the destruction of it exactly So I'd love to hear you speak a little bit on that if you don't mind. Well, I believe you know in energy I believe in in power and drive incentive I believe in these things and The question is are you a victim of it or are you in control of it? Are you harness thing that energy? Right, or are you submissive submissive to it? Are you under it? Right, so there's been times in my life where I've said, okay, if I even get the the hint the suspicion That something is controlling me. I need to turn the tables and get in control of it so there was a time that I had to Say, you know what? I'm gonna be celibate I'm gonna practice abstinence and I did it at a time when It was in abundance for me So it's the hardest time to say no is when I chose to say no and I did that with alcohol I did that with drugs. I did that with cigarettes, right? I did that with fast money So I said, well, what's next because every time I've given up an addiction every time I've taken control of an urge I've felt stronger. I felt more empowered. I felt more focus and clarity And I'm able to accomplish things that I think are important and are valuable and can add value to other people So I was sex the last thing on that list and then it dawned on me Maybe sex should have been the first thing on that list because why do we go out drinking? Why are we using recreational drugs? Why do we pick up a habit of smoking cigarettes in a club? Well, why were we in the club in the first place? Why did we want fast money? Who are we trying to impress who are in a rush to have money for and it all kind of came back to Pursuit of women anyway and getting getting attention from women and validation and getting acceptance and access to me And it all came back to that anyway So as men we have to ask ourselves even when we're successful at things we have to ask ourselves Well, why are we so driven in this area in the first place? Why are we doing this? Who will be doing this for? Why did you buy that particular car? You know what I mean? Why did you buy that particular suit? Did you want to be taken seriously in the business world? Did you want your colleagues to respect you look up to you or you trying to impress some chick one is admirable one is Not so much So we just have to be honest with ourselves is what I'm saying We have to know ourselves and I think when it comes to the topic of sex a lot of us just accept it and accept our behavior around it And accept the behavior of other men around it without really being honest with ourselves Is is that what your friend should be doing? Is that what your your cousin should be doing? Is that what your brother should be doing? Are you not obligated to tell him? Hey, you know That's not respectable what you're doing. You know be careful So, you know, I just want guys to have that conversation with themselves because maybe they've never had it because I know I hadn't had it up until that point And I looked at how much either destruction that I was causing in my own life through being irresponsible Sexually or how much risk I was taking that was it necessary I've heard a lot of talk this weekend about self-respect and for me being where I'm at in life I respect myself tremendously and because I respect myself I know what my value is and that governs the way that I make decisions interactions and engagements that I partake in You're obviously a man with a high level of self-respect. You've also spoken about having a tribe You know having systems of accountability being a people person being at the right place at the right time What advice would you give young men or anybody for that matter listening to this talk? About self-respect being in the right place at the right time and setting up systems of you know Maybe people around you to stay accountable to your purpose and assignment. Okay Well, if I can get a little quick little thing from my past when I was growing up I Had a grandfather that was like, you know, so grounded, you know and his values and his morals and everything was so like You know set in stone But in a good way, right? He was a really good disciplinarian And every time I would do something and you know, it wasn't the thing to do You know as a kid anytime I get into trouble one of the first things he would say to me is how could you be so stupid? So he would he would always relate it to an intelligence thing. You know better And it was never out of anger. It was out of disappointment. I expect more from you And I remember when I want to go play with my friends and we'd all want to jump on our bikes and go do You know the stuff that young boys do he was all for that kind of stuff But he would say listen, you need to do this first. You need to do your chores We're gonna do homework. I'll do these things first and There were so many lessons that my grandfather taught me just in a very simple response But it was so meaningful because the message he's sending and I remember there was a time when I said listen I really want to go play with my friends grandfather. Can I please just go do what I got to do? And I'll do these things later. He said listen, you need to go break those leaves. I said dad I can break the leaves tomorrow Trying to reschedule it He said to me break those leaves and then you can go play with your friends. I said, yes, but they're leaving now They're gonna leave me. They're not gonna wait for me. He said come here. Let me tell you something. I said what he said Those are your friends. I said, yeah, he said well, why haven't they asked if you have another rake? That's deep bro He had a way of putting things into perspective in a very simple subtle way He would ask a question and you answering that question to yourself honestly proved his point You said they were your friends. He set me up for that. He said those are your friends and he said well Why have they grabbed the rake? And that's how I learned how to choose friends is my point Till this day when I look at my friends Majority of them the vast majority of them are husbands. They're doing well in business the husbands and fathers That's rear in our days as it is Well, why there's such a high percentage of my friends have that situation and I myself was married, right? Don't have children on the wedlock. Most of my friends do not have children how to wedlock So the point was is by picking a responsible friends from such a young age Those people continue to have a good character. They might have been 10 11 12 at the time. Yeah, well now they're 30 something Or 40 my friends are between like 36 and 40 But they still have good character, right? They grab the fucking rake is what I'm trying to say excuse my language So, you know, so that's the kind of thing that I want guys to think about is that we choose the people that we put ourselves around And if those are good people By default, they're gonna hold this accountable by default They're not gonna tolerate things that are degenerate that are risky that are bad for business They're gonna kind of watch our back and we need that we need that in the the men that we put around ourselves And we need that in the women that that we put around ourselves So when it comes to like developing a tribe, this isn't gonna happen overnight a lot of guys right now They have these social issues or whatever and they're expecting there to be like this overnight solution Like just tell me some type of secret or cheat code. I'm sorry. It doesn't work that way Look how long ago I had to understand how to develop good friends in order to have them now So it takes time get started as soon as possible But just understand that you're building something of value run wasn't built in one day So this is this is how I look at Building a tribe and with that being said is why would valuable people want to be around you if you're not valuable So a lot of it has to start with self Because I had to have that that that set of virtues and morals in order to pick people who also had it I couldn't be holding these guys to a standard that I myself wasn't holding See what I mean. Yeah, so when people go into a relationship with baggage It obviously sets the tone for the relationship and go back can poison the relationship. Definitely For me, it's important that a man understands how to deal with regret how to build self-respect Before entering into an engagement particularly in the framework of relationships Because you want to make sure that you bring your best foot forward and that you are setting the tone that you want a viable Responsible mutually respectful relationship whereby you can do things together engage projects and do life How do you because I've heard you talk about it and you know here and there You know with those illustrations that you're so good at providing. How do you deal with regret? How have you dealt with regret? How do you advise people deal with regret? It's something that all men struggle with somewhere. I Feel like regret is information If you regretted it, that's because you shouldn't have done it That's your moral compass right there. It's working for you. It's working. You don't need to change the batteries So that regret can be useful if you harness it. I don't like this feeling. I'm not proud of myself Let's not do this again We know how this ends up. I don't need to beat myself up about it Because I already know I regret it and the way to deal with this regret It's making a promise to myself that I'm gonna do not oh, I'm gonna do better No, I'm never going to do this particular thing again. Well, how do I prevent myself from doing this particular thing again? I need to put a protocol into play How should I have dealt with this and this is how I'm gonna deal with something similar to this moving forward? Because I have plenty of other mistakes to make so I don't have time to make the same mistake twice Okay, I got other mistakes to make a first time. Let me let me let me get to those So let's nip this one in the butt and let's agree on a protocol a proper way to handle this That's what it is from now on Okay, this is how I prevent this from happening again This is what I put in place to protect me from Making this mistake that I made before out of ignorance. I'm not ignorant anymore. So there's no excuse to make the mistake Let's go. All right, you are somebody who has a prolific mind. You're very analytical You're philosophical you're deep you can tell stories you can make connections you can draw parallels But you're also at the top of your game with regard to physical fitness. Mm-hmm What how important is it for people to be physically fit in a culture today that tells you it's Okay, well There was something honest what your nigger said once and I thought yeah, that's pretty cool It's pretty simple. I think everybody can agree with that and he said body building isn't for everyone But the process and the skill set That you learn can be applied to anything And I thought that's how I explain it to people because there's plenty of people that think I don't got listen to what you're saying Cuz I'm not a bodybuilder. I don't want to look like a bodybuilder. I'm not about this Like whoa, whoa, that's not where I'm coming from where I'm coming from is your health and your fitness and your level of discipline Relax, I'm not trying to sell you on bodybuilding here, but that's what that's what they hear You know me but him saying that listen the principles that you're gonna learn and have to exercise They can help you in any area in every area of your life You can apply them everywhere else the beauty of bodybuilding is because it's so physical and Mirrors are a thing you can see the progress that you're making by Keeping self discipline at the forefront you can actually see it In other areas when you apply it, it's not as easy to see it visually So I think that that's kind of the help and the motivation that you get from Understanding that the strong body comes from a strong mind because you have to first discipline and conquer your mind and Make the right decisions to gain that strength and that fitness first Right, so it makes your mind stronger is what I'm saying. So why would you not want to have that? Why would you not want to bring that into other areas of your life and the level of discipline that comes with fitness, right? Discipline is is the groundwork of everything of being successful in any area So any issue or any problem that a man might have and come to me I already know this is gonna have some relationship to a lack of discipline I kind of already know that Because whatever it is that you need to be doing to get better in that area. You're not doing it That's a discipline issue, right? You know what I mean? So it's very valuable I think because do people look the way they want to look You should look the way you want to look because that's gonna be part of respecting yourself because you like the way you look Right and we we apply that logic to everything else Because we either buy the car that we like or we want to be able to afford the car that we like how it looks Oh that that house looks amazing. We need to go to an open house I want to see that house on the inside because it looks so good from the outside You think about this house, baby, right? The little aesthetics gets its first. Oh Wow, you have a lovely home Are you smelling my home? Oh, no, you're looking at it. So Yes, it's one of the first things that people Interpret about us is how we present ourselves and visually and then all these other things come after and I tell guys all the time You're asking me how to get girls to like you. Did you first ask why you like that girl? Exactly. She's attractive Okay, now whether or not you stay with her or what level of relationship you want with her is gonna depend on how she behaves How she acts, you know, how she treats you but initially your interest came from how she looked There's obviously a value there So put that value right when I saw you one of the first things I noticed was your suit And I said I said you have the the aura of a lawyer, you know, I mean you mean business before you even opened your mouth I knew that you were a serious person. You meant business, right? I just want to say I am not an attorney nor do I practice law No, I know but that's the vibe that I that I got from you, right? And it made me interested That's why I asked you are you a lawyer, right? So you said no, this is man's house. Okay, great But my point is that was the interest. So if you didn't carry yourself with a certain level of respect You might have been invisible to me. I might have missed you and I mean, I'm not proud or ashamed of that It's just the way it is. Of course, of course, where do you find you? Well, you can my YouTube channel is authentic alphas, you know, right the most toxic name you ever heard And I'm not really big on social media. So there's no point, you know, sending me to you to my Instagram I don't need the followers or anything. Do you have like 25,000 followers? Yeah, I know, but it's like That's like my photo album, you know, okay, but I'm not gonna tell guys to go there if there's not meaningful things there Okay, but definitely check me out on YouTube support the channel, you know leave comments Give me feedback. Let me know. It's a very small channel, but but there's so much value there guys You're just getting started. It sounds like yeah, you are a trajectory. Yeah, I'm just getting started and you know There's not a lot of bells and whistles there yet There's not a lot of great production and amazing editing, but there's a lot of value though We believe it one more time. What it where can they find you on YouTube? Authentic alphas everything spoke correctly. Perfect. Thank you for watching the 21 report I am Frank Pesci with I am day Gordon speaker Personal trainer and coach now and content creator. Thanks for watching. Thank you