 Angela writes, question is overall compatibility shared values blendable lifestyles more important than feeling that spark in a long-term relationship. I'm going to repeat that is overall compatibility shared values and blendable lifestyles more important than feeling that spark in a long-term relationship. Great, great, great, great, great question. So coming back to my relationship iceberg. As you can see, the tip of the iceberg is chemistry, but below the waterline is shared values blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity what she just talked about. Here's the thing, chemistry, energetic, I'm going to differentiate chemistry because there's physical attraction, which is one component of chemistry and emotional connection, which is another component of chemistry. I'm a believer that it's important to feel emotional connection with another human being that level of connecting at an emotional level feeling like, you know what, this person gets me along with some physical attraction. Now we men need more physical attraction because we need to get the equipment up, we need to feel physically attracted and ladies, you need to feel physically attracted to get your vaginas wet to let them in. So it is important to have physical attraction a level of chemistry. I'm just here to say that's what's needed to mate to basically fuck all you need is chemistry. If you want to have a significant relationship with another human being, then you need shared values, blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity. Now, could you have a relationship with shared values blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity and no chemistry? Yes, but those relationships tend to be rather boring and worse, they tend to lead in divorce. This is why if you're not familiar with the work of Esther Perrell, she wrote a great book called mating in captivity, mating in captivity. And one of the things I love about Esther Perrell's work is she talks about the importance of erotic connection, erotic connection. And quite frankly, relationships need to be fucking on a regular basis to keep that spark, that chemistry going. And I know a lot of couples take it for granted or they haven't done it for a week or two weeks or three weeks and then turns into three months and it turns into three years. And next thing you know, it's a 30 year relationship with no sex. And I'm here to say is sexual connection with your partner is as it's not, listen, can you do without it? Absolutely. And still be in a healthy and a happy relationship. I'm here to encourage making it part of the agenda. I know one couple who has been married 50 years, they're in there. No, no, they're 60 years married. They're now in their 80s. And even to this day, they still have one day a week where it's their love making day. And this has been going on for decades. It's part of their equation. So stop being naive here. Start co-creating a relationship. I've mentioned this book before and I'll keep mentioning it. One of the chapters in the book, Eight Dates by Doctors John and Julie Gottman, centered is around sex, centers around sex. So it is a physical attraction. Sexual chemistry is an important component of a relationship. And it's time to be more intentional instead of naive and cavalier. Because as I say all the time, magic fairy dust isn't going to change your relationship. Intentionality is going to make your relationship much stronger. And don't leave it up to men because men are rather clueless. They're winging it. They're winging it. But Jonathan, I don't want to train men. Ladies, it's a lot easier to train a guy than looking for the needle in the haystack. I'm going to repeat that's a lot easier to train a guy than looking for the needle in the haystack. So start, my mother, there's a picture of my mom and dad. They were married 66 years, as I said before. My mother was in charge of the relationship destiny and my dad was a good follower. And my father was a commander of a destroyer, a ship, a 500 foot ship in World War II. He was an alpha male and yet my mom was in charge of the relationship. She just didn't take shit from anyone. And my father genuinely respected her because she spoke her mind. She spoke her mind. And men actually do value that. So long as it's not contrary to their own beliefs, but for the most part, we men are better at taking instructions and that's just an offer I'm making to you. So bring your backs full circle here. Yes, sexual connection, physical attraction, chemistry is as important. Not only for mating, but if you want to go deeper, shared values, blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity. Are you with me? Please give me an amen. Thank you so much for that question, Arlene. I really, or Angela, I really appreciate it. Coleen writes, question. After doing a lot of all you said, why is it when we mentioned wanting to be in an exclusive relationship? And put you on put on the brakes. I'm thinking he wants his cake and eat it too. Oh, so, you know what, so I have again, if you listen to the beginning of the broadcast, I said I'm a contrarian. I'm a believer of being radically honest in the very early stages of dating. In fact, one of the things about my private coaching, by the way, check out the link to a discovery call with me. In the description to see if working with a coach is right for you. My area of expertise is to teach you how to ask the right questions to determine true compatibility based on your personality. So I'm a big believer of cutting the bullshit. I know a lot of my contemporaries will tell you this. Just go out and have a good time. Just have a good time. It's all about having a good time first, second dates. Just have a good time. And then when you're six weeks, eight weeks, 12 weeks in, and you realize he's a fucking disaster, then you break up with them and then you start the process over again. That's what a lot many of my contemporaries will suggest you to do. I'm, I don't believe in that because let me tell you what happens. When you invest emotionally with someone who's emotionally unhealthy, it is an emotional nuclear bomb that goes on inside one of us. And let me just say this, dating triggers the number one emotional health issue facing everybody is I'm not good enough. I'm not lovable. I'm not likable. And this is why I'm a big proponent of being radically honest right from the get go and ask some really hard questions before you ever get too deep with someone. Folks, if you follow my work, you know, I talk about this frequently before the penis goes inside the vagina read by two copies of this book eight dates and talk about what's in this book before you ever fuck each other. And if a guy gets upset that you want to be in a monogamous exclusive relationship, then he's just not ready for a relationship. And why do you want to invest in a guy who's not ready for a relationship with Jonathan? He's cute and he drives a nice car and he owns a nice home. Listen, all of the material things in the world will not cure someone from wanting to be, you know, wanting a fully committed relationship. And let's face it, for those of us in midlife. And if you follow my work, my area of expertise is midlife, which is after baby making years and before retirement. You know, we're on our second, third, fourth, fifth, 10th go around. In other words, it might be most 75% of people over 45 years old who are single and dating are divorced. And they've had multiple relationships. So this is not we're not getting our first choice. We're not getting our second choice. We're not getting our third choice in many cases. Now, I know that sounds like a comparison and a judgment there, but I'm here to say it's time to be intentional. And again, it's this, the problem with dating today, here's the thing, these little devices, this little device, and these little apps like Bumble and whatnot has made it progressively harder, because there's this false belief that there's all these perceived choice out there with people. And I'm here to say, I'm here to say, there's a fantasy that there's there's going to be someone better around the corner. And a lot of men operate from the premises. I'll believe it when I see it, I'll believe it when I see it, I'll believe it when I see it so they're always jonesing for that next high they're jonesing for that next high they're jonesing for that next high. Instead of operating from a premise of when I understand it and believe it, I will see it when I understand and believe it, I will see it. And sadly, women are suckling on that same nipple as well. We are more, we have this belief, a lot of women, for example, you know, I'll change my lifestyle when I meet the right guy. No, change your lifestyle ahead of time so you make room for the right guy. And many women alike should be doing this and yet sadly, they're not. So my invitation for you coming back to this original question is be radically honest right from the get go because you kick the wrong guys to the curb and you make room for the guys who are genuinely serious. The problem is, a lot of men who are genuinely serious, you're not attracted to them. I know it sucks. But sometimes a nice guy is worth investing in, because you might be surprised in the long run. Alright Colleen thank you so much for that question I really appreciate it. Alright let's keep going swimming.