 Hello everyone, I am Narc Survivor, welcome to my YouTube channel. Before I begin please hit that thumbs up button down below, hit subscribe and click all notifications to be notified when I upload a new video, and if you are interested in booking a one on one with me, just go to my website, it is Narc Survivor.co.uk. Narcissists hoover you for this reason. Narcissists will often return with these fake apologies and false epiphanies, as though they finally realize what they did wrong, and now they want to make amends, when that actually has nothing to do with the real reason for why they are hoovering you. Because Narcissists typically hoover to take revenge, they are very petty, they focus on things of little importance, and then they blow it out of proportion. They turn molehills into mountains, they cause commotion and uproar out of nothing, they show unnecessary and excessive concern about things that had nothing to do with them, and yet they will personalize it and find a way to make it about themselves, because in their minds they are the centre of the world, so everything revolves around them, everything is about them, and everything has something to do with them. Which is why whenever there is a disturbance or disruption, the Narcissists will always be in the midst of the chaos and destruction, because they have to be at the centre of everything, they have to make everything about them. So if they feel like they have been wronged in some way, they will be plotting to take revenge, even if you are not with them anymore, and they will do this by hoovering you, by sucking you back into the relationship so that you will have further contact and communication with them. But when you are dealing with a Narcissist, it will always run through the same repeated cycles of abuse, which includes love bombing, devaluation and discard, because they are not looking for a relationship or a friendship, all they want is for the cycle to repeat over and over again, so that they can continue to have access to you and use you for everything that you have, but just because they've hoovered you it doesn't mean that they are going to take revenge right away. They may love bomb you while they are working on sabotaging something that you are trying to accomplish or something that you have already achieved, they may try to get you fired from your job, they may try to target you financially to sabotage your attempts to slip away from their control, or they may just want to steal some of your possessions or ruin your new relationship, because it boosts their ego, it makes them feel better about themselves, when they can sabotage your life completely, which is why they are quite joyful when you lose things that are important or valuable to you, and they will plot and scheme to get you to miss out on things that you might otherwise enjoy, and then once they have gotten their hit of narcissistic supply, they will ghost you and move on to another situation while they are having a good laugh at your expense. Narcissists will usually try to love bomb you back into the relationship, and if they are successful in doing so they won't bother trying to sabotage you, because it makes no sense for them to do that if you are already within their grasp, and they have already got all of your attention, so instead they will go straight to the discard, but before they do that, they will mock and ridicule you to make you feel bad about yourself. Narcissists will normally only sabotage you if you are the one who discarded them, if they discarded you, they are not going to care so much about what you do after they are gone, because they discarded you for a reason, they threw you away like a piece of garbage, and when you believe that something is garbage, you are not going to go looking for it, you are not going to care if it is gone, but they will care if they saw you as something of value, and you will know if they valued you, because then they would have held off on discarding you, and instead you would have been the one who discarded them, which will have caused a narcissistic injury, it would have eaten away at them, because narcissists do not like losing control over something that they deemed to be valuable to them, so they will be sicker to punish you and cause you harm for leaving them, and they are not going to be questioning their own behaviours or motives, because in their minds they are always right, and they can't do anything wrong, so if you discarded them they believe that it is your fault, and for them to be right they have to win everything, which means that even if they do hoover you back, they are just going to twist it around on you and discard you, because it feeds their sense of superiority, it boosts their ego, because they are not just doing it to get average Joe or your run of the mill type of person, they are doing it to you, so they are going to be left feeling like they hold a lot of power and control, and it's really going to go to their head, because if they can get win over on you, they are going to feel like they can do anything, so it's just a potent source of fuel for them when they can get that from you, and it removes the effect of the narcissistic injury you caused when you discarded them, it even things out, because it boosted their ego and it's made them feel important, so now they've got a good hit of narcissistic supply, when the narcissist is hoovering you, they're going to do whatever they think is going to get you to react, so they're not always going to come back with fake apologies and false epiphanies, because that might not work with you, so they will try a different approach, but whatever they do, they will intend to affect you, to touch your feelings and move you emotionally, to exert their influence on you, whether it's to upset, trouble, overwhelmed, damage or hurt you, and they want it to have a lasting effect, they want to leave an imprint on you, they want to own you as their possession, because they recognize your value, so they want to feel closely connected, they want to be joined at the hip, where it's like you're inseparable and indivisible, sometimes narcissists will use real or fabricated stories of a crisis, as though they're going through a time of intense difficulty, trouble or danger, and now an important decision must be made, because they need your help, or they will come back trying to make you jealous, or to spark your curiosity in success, progress or accomplishment, they will bait you in with vague messages, to get you to ask more questions, so that they can brag and boast about whatever they're doing now, even though it's ready as great as they make it seem, but sometimes they will act as though they called or messaged you by accident, as though they meant to contact someone else, and that's actually when they just can't think of anything to say, or they can't think of a reason for why they're reaching out, or maybe they just don't want you to know that they're desiring to communicate with you again, because as we know they're so full of ego and pride, so they may not want you to know that they need something from you, and instead they will play it off as though they're just taking an interest in you, or is that they're trying to be there for you, or they contacted you by accident, they will always have some excuse, because they don't want you to know that they need you, even while they're using you and they're exploiting you, so sometimes they may just do things to trouble or offend, they may post pictures of you online just to make you angry or upset, because at least then they can get a response, while without a response they're left to their own devices, they've got to look after themselves without any help, they're left to make their own decisions about what they want to do, which is a troubling experience for a narcissist to endure on their own, which is why they have to pull you into it, so that they can share their misery and misfortune with you, and they will often do that by doing things to get your attention, because they assume that you're not going to reach out to them, but whatever route they take isn't really significant, it all comes back to one thing, which is that they're trying to take revenge, they're trying to inflict pain on you for an injury or wrong that they believe to have suffered at your hands, because they want you to feel how they feel, they want to project their feelings of misery and despair onto you, because you walked away, you didn't want anything to do with them, so they felt abandoned, they felt unwanted, or maybe you did something they didn't like, you outsmarted them, or maybe you didn't do anything at all, but they feel hurt, they feel like they were wronged by you, as we know narcissists see their feelings as facts, so if they feel wronged or hurt by you, then in their minds that means you must have done something to cause them to feel that way, so now they have to hurt you, which is why you only have to be what they narcissists for a certain amount of time, before something angers or upsets them, because they have such a weak fragile ego, so it's like trying to maneuver yourself through a minefield, and you may have had no intention or desire to inflict harm or suffering on them, you may not have had malicious intentions, so it's often all just down to their assumptions, to what they suppose, imagine, expect or believe, which means that it may never had had anything to do with you at all, it's just down to the fact that they couldn't take it, they were too fragile and weak to tolerate and endure critical treatment, or to deal with an unpleasant situation, because they felt offended, they felt resentful and annoyed as a result of a perceived insult, which was a blow to their fragile sense of pride and self-esteem, because it contradicted their false image and false identity, when you may never have intended to insult them, but they identified it as an offense, so they then worked to develop some form of interpretation, and they determined the intensity of the feeling of the offense based on their belief, while assuming that you hold the same beliefs, while in most situations it's likely that you did not hold those same beliefs, because their beliefs are distorted, if you're finding this video helpful so far please hit that thumbs up button down below, thank you, they personalize everything, they make everything about themselves, when in fact they're just extremely insecure, and it's because they have a false self, so it doesn't take much to challenge their self-concept, to the point where they will then desire to go all out on a campaign of vengeance and destruction, and although it may seem like they don't accept you, it's actually because they don't accept themselves, which is why it doesn't take much to harm their image and their relationships, they won't support or stay with you through thick and thin, because it doesn't take much to offend them, and when a person is offended it arouses self-conscious emotions, it causes them to feel undue awareness of themselves, their appearance and their actions, which is just too much for them to bear, because they don't want to have knowledge of that one existence, which is why they buried it deep beneath their false self, it's why they wear a mask, and it's why they're so resentful that they hold grudges for life, because of their own self-conscious emotions of shame, guilt and pride, rather than it having anything to do with what you're meant to have done to them, because in most situations it's not even that you actually said or did anything directly to them, and instead they chose to take it as an offence, when it may not have had anything to do with them, and in fact studies have shown that feeling offended is a complex emotional state involving personal factors such as gender and self-esteem, and outside the realm of narcissism studies have examined and proven that men have a higher threshold for what constitutes offensive behavior, the reality is that narcissists are easily offended, because they have low self-esteem, which is why they tend to feel more shame than other people, and it is the shame that then compels them to seek vengeance, while many of us may have felt offended by another person's words or actions at some point in our lives, and yet we did not feel the need to take revenge, because unlike narcissists we have a strong sense of self and an innocent of value, a self-identity that is not determined by external factors, which means that we can regulate our emotions from within, without having to inflict harm on another person in order to feel better about ourselves. Thank you for watching, if you found this video helpful please give it a thumbs up, share your thoughts in the comment section, hit the subscribe button to receive the notifications, if you would like to support the channel you can donate at paypal.me slash narc-survivor, you can book a one-on-one with me on our website it's narc-survivor.co.uk Thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon.