 Let's face it the conversation when it comes to the dating marketplace can be very convoluted especially when this Conversation is centered around sex and I'm talking about the differences between men and women and how we view sex and also how we can Equate sex to respect so I want to lean into a conversation today based on a question that came in and Then I'd like to discuss it and then we'll go on to Q&A So one of my one of my audience members I say audience members, but someone wrote Jonathan I have a question or a comment about an observation. I've enjoyed learning from watching your video series of videos I agree women are the gatekeepers of sex and men are the gatekeepers of commitment however, I've noticed that there doesn't seem to be any emphasis on encouraging men to take Responsibility for the curtailing of the casual sex culture that is part of life these days It appears as though the attitude is boys will be boys So what I think she's addressing is there's a lot of Conversations out there in the dating marketplace suggesting that women have sex with men far too easily Especially if they've had sex with multiple men and because of this men don't have respect for women And therefore they won't choose women who are promiscuous. They call it body count by the way Now a lot of this is for the younger demographics and at the same time this can hold true for men as well I've spoken to men who say that they've had sex with a woman on the first date and they didn't respect that woman But where is the accountability as this woman is sharing about men? Where's the male accountability? Is it okay for men to be able to to sleep with women and there's no There's no recourse or repercussion for that. There's no judgment around that and and aren't they contributing to the problem when they encourage physical intimacy at an early stage in the dating marketplace now As you might have heard I said that I this is something I heard is that men or women are the gatekeepers of sex and men Are the gatekeepers of commitment? Well, it's kind of fascinating to me these days that we have sex Well before there's any significant commitment between two people In fact, a lot of times sex can happen before there's any agreement of monogamy or any agreement to exclusivity In fact, I've witnessed so many women be in a relationship with someone where they're physically intimate with them And yet they don't know where this relationship stands Some men will say i'm taking it slow. Some men will say let's not put labels on it Well, if you're going to judge women as being promiscuous and you disrespect them for that Then shouldn't you stand up and say what you stand for in a relationship? What do you stand for in your life? See, I think men have to be accountable for this as well if this narrative is going to throw women under the bus And and certainly i'm again I'm not here to judge when someone has sex or how many partners someone has But the same time I think it's a slippery slope when you judge that behavior When these men are the contributing factors to this behavior So I want us to think about this for a second Men are the gatekeepers of commitment. Isn't it fascinating that it used to be If you wanted to get laid you had to get married That was a narrative that went on for thousands and thousands and thousands of years. That's my speculation I don't know that as a fact, but that's what I infer from a lot of the historical records, if you will Television no, i'm just getting movies and such but But when you think about it, there was a commitment made by a man these days Two people can become physically intimate with each other They can enjoy some occasional companionship occasional sex occasional connection without any real Purpose associated with this See, I want you to understand something dating is a vetting process to decide if you want to explore a relationship with someone Dating is the getting to know you period Okay to develop a sense of intimacy to develop a sense of trust with someone now to me physical intimacy is a rather You know precious act if you will That's right. It's precious Because we can become emotionally attached. Well, I should say women tend to get more emotionally attached physically more so than men Men biologically speaking they can spread their seed and not get as attached to someone as a woman can Also, you know what occurs to me speaking of intimacy. We talked about physical intimacy. I'm talking about sex But what about the act of kissing? You know, it's interesting. Did you ever see the movie pretty woman with julia roberts and richard gear? She plays a sex worker and one of her rules is she can have sex with the man provided There's use of condom and yet she won't kiss a man because that's too intimate So when you think about dating today getting a kiss on the first date is almost a prerequisite these days It's almost an expectation because if there isn't some sort of Connection in that area two people rarely decide to invest in getting to know one another And then the pre that's a precursor to having physical sex with someone It's as if we've diminished physical intimacy to its lowest common denominator Meaning it has no value And yet all the things that have value is all now predicated on whether or not a man Wants to choose you Now I think it's fair to say though To commit to someone Should mean I want to take care of you. I want to take care of you Whether you're living together or getting married. That's a declaration to say, you know what? I want to take care of you and it doesn't mean, you know Even in the bad times it means in the good times too, but more importantly Yes in the tough times if you're going through A challenging physical condition Or you need some support In your life and you're there to support one another and it should be a two lane street for both people It isn't singular to a man nurturing a man and a man not Nurturing a woman and yet for a man. It's typically associated with taking care of someone is financially And so think about this we can get physically intimate with someone But to really reach that level of full commitment Is I want to take care of you How many people are experiencing years and years and years of relationship without ever knowing Does this person want to take care of me? Do we want to take care of each other? See isn't it interesting that we don't put that as on the forefront And so in doing all the things necessary to determine is this person worthy of taking care of And vice versa knowing that this person will be there through you thick and thin See at least with the marriage contract there's a consequence associated with stopping taking care of with stopping taking care of someone Discontinuing taking care of someone there might be a financial recourse Now we can just have empty words To say I care about you only to disengage from a person because there is no level of commitment And then I want you to think about this We just said that kissing and sex is a very intimate act and you bond with another human being through these experiences There's no consequence for ghosting. There's no consequence for disappearing. There's no consequence for pulling away See we are a self-indulgent Indulgent society here in the United States. It's all about my needs my needs my needs See true character is putting the other person's needs at least on par with your own needs Think about that. That's true character in a relationship That's truly building trust as you say to another person your needs matter to me your best interests are my best interest And yet to dating today is a very self-serving experience for both men and women alike Listen, I once had a woman say All right, I listened to a dating coach that said If a man doesn't pay for your valet when you go out to dinner with him don't ever see him again He doesn't pay the valet First off if he treated for dinner, that's a very generous act See we've boiled down generous acts as to expectations and god forbid he doesn't pay for the valet We should dismiss this person You know, you might be dismissing a person that will actually be there for you because just because someone has money And is willing to pay for your time doesn't necessarily mean that they'll be there for you When things are tough I'm really tired of this dating rhetoric today It's actually pitting men and women against each other And it's unhealthy and worse It's dangerous because these narratives get bled or they're seeping into our consciousness To the point where both men and women are rather jaded Towards the opposite sex and it's making making it very difficult to actually surrender So and I mean by surrender surrender in the in the getting to know you phase of someone to really determine If they're a healthy person to be with But then we've got another issue to contend with The vast majority of people particularly in midlife are wound They have childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas That make them rather emotionally dysfunctional emotionally constipated Or worse, they're incapable of actually ever committing to someone This is why I created my private coaching program By the way, there's a link right here to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you There's links below what I mean to say is I help you devise Cultivate the questions Based on your personality You need to ask someone to truly evaluate if they're a good fit for you because many human beings have terrible discernment and worse All of your discernment is based on a lot of superficial things. How tall is he? How good looking is he? How much money does he have? Oh, yeah, that's the indicator of relationship success And worse believing that chemistry equals relationship success and even worse on that Is many ladies and men and by the way everything i'm saying goes for both genders But so many human beings have codependent um, not codependent personalities, but codependent inflict or What's the word i'm looking for codependent? Behavior, let's just say that cause you to get attached to another human being in the minute you're attached It's like a drug you need this person and yet they're so terrible for you see What's what's missing in today's dating narrative is an understanding that human beings are rather dysfunctional rather messed up And they want love Both men and women want love men aren't bad people to those You know, I started this conversation by saying men are bad Or at least need to be accountable, but men aren't bad women aren't bad We're just a dysfunctional group of bodies out there trying to experience love with another human being And yet we don't know how to do it because we don't know how to love ourselves. This is why I listen I wrote a book called what the heck is self love anyway a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work And why i'm sharing this with you by the way, my book is basic It's like planting a seed But you see when you plant and it's only giving you the basics See you have to go find out what it really means to you to love yourself By the way, there's a link below to get a copy of my book and jonathan recommend books When you begin to nurture your own soul, you're less resistant. You are excuse me. You're more resistant to attracting Damaged human beings or let me not say damage but unhealed human beings that are going to cause havoc in your life In your emotional life Do you realize the number one emotional health issue facing most everybody is i'm not good enough i'm not lovable and i'm not likable And dating and relationships trigger this like nobody's business So i want to invite you all to begin a path of personal development self-help and spiritual work As a as a vaccination To the chaos we're facing with to we're faced with today See Then don't lose respect for women because they've slept with a lot of people That's not a valid reason to lose respect for someone What's more important is to assess who is this person that i'm connecting with Is it only a physical relationship? Is it all based on chemistry? Or do does character matter does morals matter? Does kindness generosity matter? And today we have a very self-serving population That is using one another in the dating realm and how can respect anybody who uses people And how can you respect yourself if you allow yourself to be used? These are all questions to invite now first off folks. I am no i'm not here to preach as if I am Evolved. Okay. I am riddled with flaws. I I am I stick my foot my mouth frequently I have found myself in many a situation Where I could have done better I think the most important thing is we own our humanity and to recognize that Everybody is doing the best they can doesn't make them bad people I often say most got most men are good guys. They're just bad daters That's true for women as well so Why did I share all this with you? Because it's time for a wake-up call for both men and women alike first and foremost We are not at odds with one another. We both want to we both genders want to feel loved The tricky part is how do we find someone who's capable of love? And more importantly Are we willing to invest in our own self-love? Because whether we find a mate or not what matters most is our own individual journey And how can we wrap ourselves in a blanket of love and what I mean to say is Not beat ourselves up not sabotage relationships not not crucify ourselves Because the true miracle in life is to love How does the truest miracle all is when we can love ourselves and love others equally? And maybe just maybe we find a good partner to take this ride on together because life is better with company At the same time it's finding that partner who's willing to Hold hands with you through thick and thin and say I want to take care of you. We're teammates And so when you say I love you to each other it means i'm here You matter We are important I've got your back I'm not going anywhere. And I only want you. I'm here means I'm present You matter is Is your you matter as much as I matter on this planet? We are important is to recognize that a relationship is a separate entity I've got your back. That means we're teammates in this relationship. I'm not going anywhere means I'm fully committed And I only want you means I only want to be physically intimate with you I don't need to get the next hit On instagram to feel validation because I have it all within this great partner. I have right now. I love you That's what I think it should mean so I'm going to end on this note and we'll take questions Folks, it's not easy out there It takes work It takes intentionality I oftentimes remind you all radical honesty laying your cards on the table and pre-qualifying your prospects And if you need help with that once again, check out a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you All right. I hope you have found value in what I had to share. Please hit that like button Please share this video with your friends. Please subscribe to my channel hit that notification button All right. I'm going to take questions right now if you have a question for me There's a little chat box for those that are on live Um, write the word question then post the question there after or you can purchase the super sticker super chat It's the little dollar sign in the chat box all the monies from the super sticker super chat Goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son Conor Asley. That's a picture of him right there in the obeys shirt In his honor, I donate to causes like the Hoffman process process insight institute and seeds of love Okay, so let's see what we have in the form of questions. Oh, and if you're watching the replay, please hit the super thanks Thanks so much Hey, I want to give props to margaret for the three dollar and ninety nine cents super sticker. Thank you so much Ah Becca says Do you think guys are sensitive to the size even Even if we don't talk about it Okay, I think she's talking about penis size are men sensitive to that haps a fucking loot light Excuse the f word. Yes You know to some degree our size relates to our manhood And there's this belief that somebody who is much larger another is more masculine than another human being So just and and by the way, this can be such a deep wounded A deeply traumatic wound centered around a man's penis size Women experience this in their body size and their breast size Uh, are they wet enough vaginally? I mean, there's all there's all this kind of shame Centered around our sexual aspects of who we are Can we satisfy another partner? Are we capable of being satisfied? You know, sadly, so many men are so addicted to pornography that they can't even be satisfied by a woman anymore Or very difficult to be satisfied. Yeah, these are all great questions to ask But at the end of the day, yes, men can feel a sense of Sensitivity or shame centered around their size. So thanks so much for bringing that up. I appreciate it Oh margaret goes on to ask what do you think about men pressuring women for sex? First off, I don't think any woman deserves to be pressured into anything that they don't want to do Now I have an acronym around sex and that means cares C a r e s cares the c stands for don't have sex with someone unless you feel comfortable So if they're pressuring you You know You shouldn't have sex with someone you don't feel comfortable the a stands for aware Be aware of the consequences and what I mean to say is Having sex with someone you barely know means you can get attached to them And you better be aware of that Some women can be less attached to others through physical intimacy But for the most part If you have a propensity to be attached, I would be highly concerned about that the r stands for learn his real intentions his real intentions Does he want something serious or is it something casual? I'm here to suggest don't get physically intimate with someone who isn't on the same page with you with respects to commitment Because the e stands for exclusivity if you're going to have regular sex with someone I believe it should be exclusive because the s stands for safety And because I don't want to catch cooties from anyone I think everyone needs to be safe or catch cooties or or impregnate someone I think we must be as safe as possible when we have sex care c a r e s comfortable aware real intentions exclusivity and safety Hope that helps margaret. Thanks so much for that question uh Jennifer says no sex before monogamy unless you don't care. That's exactly what I just said Nicole writes My long-distance relationship ex-boyfriend. He couldn't give me a plan after 22 months together When I asked him for a plan he replied I will always love you and your children, but he still wants to be friends Um You don't have a question there nicole, but I will say this I wouldn't have engaged in a long-distance dating dynamic Or until you had a plan Don't engage folks. Hear me out. Don't engage in a long-distance dating dynamic Unless you have a plan of how to take the distance from long to short And what I mean to say is hold out being physically intimate with someone until you've had deep discussions And then I wouldn't overly now the problem with many of you doing long distance You see you see each other once every once a month Once every two months once every six months. That's not a relationship That's just an over glorified friend with benefits in my opinion Unless you're regularly if you unless you're engaged in social activities hobbies mutual interest spending time with family and friends It's going to be difficult to build the deep roots of trust to sustain a long-term loving relationship And there's no incentive when you're in long distance because guess what you can be flirting A guy could be flirting with 20 other women While he's flirting with you see flirting now is like the is like the pellet when the hamster is like Oh, I get someone to like me. I get someone to like me. Oh, I get to have sex with this person But I can be doing this with so many other people because they don't know what I'm doing Anyway, I think you get to just or where I'm going at that nicole if you do have a more concise question Please let me know Margaret goes on to say good point about codependency exactly We're going to have a video on that tomorrow Maryland says everything you're saying is so true. Jonathan. Everyone is so selfish. What has happened to us as a society sadly speaking We've been indoctrinated in a more me too Me let me retract what I just said not me too me Society it's all about my needs being met instead of actually caring about another human being before you ever engage in some sort of Connection with them. Anyways, that's my opinion anyway. Hope and I'll get canceled for that one. I didn't mean me too I just meant me Wanda goes on should a man ask to kiss a lady the first time I had a guy just smack me on the lips and it was no chemistry at the end of the meeting I gave him no vibe to kiss me. I wanted to go away You know, that's a very difficult one I I think if a man is confident He shouldn't have to ask and at the same time he should read the room. Is it safe to kiss this person? You know, I like what happened in the movie Hitch he's teaching this man how to kiss a woman and the goal is here's the woman's face And here's the man's face and he goes 90 percent of the way and waits for her to come 10 percent of the way If he goes 90 percent And she doesn't kiss him. He pulls back But if he goes 90 percent and she kisses him I I would rather men do that in the future than just Cavalierly kissing someone Or I just don't like the idea of asking All right CC says we can all do Self-work on ourselves, but that doesn't change the amount of low quality single men well, CC I want to say Low quality okay Men and women I don't like the definition of low quality. I do like the idea that there are deeply wounded human beings who are unaware Of their emotional and physical traumas And then they bleed that out onto someone else that doesn't make them low quality. It just makes them hurt human beings in my opinion Okay, uh Steph says I don't that's why I don't date anymore sick of men and women that are selfish and yes women are horrible too Folks i'm here to say most humans are good people You know when we can actually have compassion and love For everybody We begin to become a magnetic attractor for what we want when we can actually hold space Of being compassionate loving towards all human beings Instead of coming at a place of deficit. I want everyone to come from a place of abundance. You'll attract those people in your life That's my invitation for all of you. Anyway all right Seven wonder says i'm sick sick of being a place card I understand but guess what? Stand above that and say you know what? I am a beautiful human being And I desire someone who wants to go on this journey together with me in a healthy conscious way See change the narrative. You can change the narrative. I'm sick of being a place card or you can flip it I'm a beautiful human being and I want to share this journey of life with someone who's emotionally healthy And who desires the same things I desire That's my invitation for you seven wonders Um question. Is it important for a lady to dress up look all pretty for myself? I like to dress casually. Do you think that will turn guys off? You know some men are attracted to the bright shiny object In fact, they say the color red is one of it's like why does the bull go after the red cape? Okay, so we're red on a date a lot of dating coaches will tell you that and to some degree that will be attractive There is something sexy about red But the same time you can show up on a date casual See, it's the energy of your heart That matters more in the long run. Yes Dressing sexier might Temporarily get some attention temporarily But you know what if you've got a good heart and a man is attracted to You as a person whether you're dressed up or not You can have an equally successful life. So do what makes you feel right for you Probably the guy that you're going to meet is a guy who likes to dress casual as well Okay Uh, let's keep going One of my facebook group members and by the way, if you'd like to join my private facebook group check out the link below Called midlife love mastery. This is a group where you can have direct access to me on a regular basis Asking questions we actually tonight we have a live call where you can talk to me We do a once a month call. So check out the link to midlife love mastery. Let me put the banner here Right now join my group But right and there's a link below to get a copy of that. All right. So going back to this question. Oh, excuse me What does porn have to do with a man's sex life? Okay, great question so a person that might be either addicted to porn or They've masturbated so much that they're Desensitized because they cannot really come this is this is what I've observed watching Videos ted talks about porn addiction. Okay, so this isn't my thoughts. This is what I'm regurgitating, okay A man can become very desensitized when he masturbates a lot and if he uses pornography It's kind of a twisted view of sex and relationships can be Especially if it's more The kinkier the porn the more desensitized a man come may experience within his sexual Connection within another human being. So that's what porn can do Excessive masturbation excessive porn now all men most men have watched porn I've watched porn even when Marie went out of town. I watched porn. Okay. I'm a I'm a I'm a guy, okay But I will say this um Being addicted to it or over abuse is not healthy. That's my two cents on porn Okay, all right. Let's keep going Julie writes I've been trying this radical honesty telling guys what I want which is a monogamous commitment But I meet but I'm but I'm met with people that say they feel pressure. Are these non-committals types? If Marie came to me and said I'm looking for a series by the way She did say I'm looking for a serious committed relationship and I said that's too much pressure on me well It's not you have to recognize You're not saying I want it with you Okay, I just this is what I want. What do you want? See that's the follow-up question What do you want? No, I just want a casual. I just want it easy. I just want to have a good time Do you believe you should be having then the follow-up question? Do you believe you should be having sex when you're having a good time? Oh, yeah, of course. I want sex, you know, how can I how why why I have to you know Test drive the car before I'm never going to buy it Yeah, but you can test drive a car and never commit to it See, I'm not willing to do that. I want a relationship where someone who is serious and intentional if that feels like too much pressure That's okay You can go on tinder. You can go on bumble. You can go on hands. You can go on any one of the dating apps I'm sure there's plenty of women Who will have sex with little or no requirements? This is not who I am And if that's pressure for you guess what? You're a weak man because if you can't handle that much pressure, what's going to happen when we have to really deal with pressure That's not pressure. That's called. Are we on the same page? Anyway, okay, julie. I hope that helps Bella Arranged to go away for the weekend with my boyfriend. He cut its time by a big chunk to help a friend Something I think he could have done anytime. I was hurt as was looking forward to it, but he thinks it's okay There isn't a question there, but I will say this that was an insensitive thing for him to do But at the same time sometimes when a relationship Hasn't fully been rooted with one another see Or when I say fully rooted in other words, you might not have built the deep roots of trust in this relationship Where he would care about your feelings. That's number one or he's dismissive of your feelings because yes There are going to be times we have to make changes to a plan That's going to happen But you know be sensitive to your partner, especially if they're looking up looking forward to something So he basically it sounds like his attitude was i'm just going to do this and you've got to suffer the consequences That's not a real kind partner to be in relationship with so ask yourself And or share with me Did he do it out of kindness and love or was it dismissive of you? And then that should give you an indication of how he genuinely feels about you Okay, Karen writes Been divorced almost a year unsure about dating. How do I know it's time? See these questions are difficult because I simply ask yourself Do you want a fully committed relationship? Number one Am I capable of a fully committed relationship? Number two? Am I willing to invest in the process of getting to know someone? Number three? Those are the questions you might want to ask yourself. Do I want a fully committed relationship? Am I ready for a fully committed relationship? And lastly, am I willing to invest the time necessary to develop a fully committed relationship care? Can someone write that down for me? And then that way you can see it Am I do I want it? Am I ready? And am I willing to invest when you can answer? Yes to all three of those? That's the time Actually something that happens in my private coaching A lot of women go through my coaching program and they go, you know what? I'm not ready for a relationship They're grateful for the awareness, but they actually take a break from dating To do a little bit more personal development work so they can actually lean into a healthy happy relationship All right, this Ashley writes Do you think it's okay That both parties get tested before being intimate together just so you don't catch cooties? You know, that's a good way to slow things down Just to simply see how someone reacts to that. Yeah, I think it's quite okay You know, oh, but let me just stick the tip in that's not really dangerous Let me just stick it in for a minute, you know, we can wear condoms. No, I mean you have every right to ask that And how he responds will speak volumes as to his character C. A says too much manipulation dishonesty and treating people like commodities. There are no standards either Yes, that's why you have to become your own matchmaker You are the gatekeeper of your life. You are in charge of your relationship destiny But jonathan i'm just supposed to sit back and my feminine energy and just let men do all the work and then because they're supposed to claim me look it Not all coaches do my little My little mimicking right here and what I mean to say is not every coach believes leaning back Is about being submissive and yet so many YouTube creators out there are in telling women to be absolutely submissive As if the men have character Ladies you are in charge of your destiny. Not a guy That's my rant anyway um Anna says thank you for the great tips. I've learned so much from you and marie best wishes. Thank you so much We appreciate that becca Is white lie acceptable like lying to go to a relatives house for dinner But instead in fact going to a female co-worker place for dinner with his parents because she invited them Well, that's not a white lie. That's a downright lie A white lie might be i'll be there in five minutes and you're a half hour away. That's a white lie okay See here's the thing if something is material to the relationship It's important to be transparent See the reason why this person lied is because he knows that it wouldn't be acceptable And let me just remind everybody of this little axiom It is easier to get forgiveness than permission He was lying because he knew it wouldn't be acceptable to you So no, it's not acceptable white lies are hey, i'm a few i'll be there in five minutes when you're a half hour late That's a white lie. Hey, I had to go to the store, you know To do this when you were buying a birthday gift for them. That's a white lie white lies don't Wouldn't hurt someone's feelings Although if you did tell someone you're gonna be there and you were late that might hurt someone's feelings So white lies are usually things like hey, I went to see my brother when I was actually buying you a birthday gift That's a white lie because you didn't want to tell the person because you knew it was something That would benefit them. Okay Or at least that's one version of it. Anyway, uh Bear with me one second everyone Okay Age 65 him 57 and said he's not well endowed waited till I got married and his penis was too big For comfort Wait, he's not well endowed had marriage and all he approached the topic with a new Wait, how how do I approach the topic with a new boyfriend won't have sex before marriage? Well, I I think you know, you can be clear with someone right from the get-go that you aren't physically intimate with someone before marriage Now in the case of what happened with I I'm a little bit confused He said he wasn't well endowed and but he was really gigantic. That's confusing to me Uh, maybe you might want to at least touch the peepee before you ever marry someone Um, but I think how to approach this topic with just honesty speak your truth Just do it with kindness just say, you know, this is part of who I am and if that doesn't work for you That's okay. You don't have to hide that one. That's part of that's important to you You're gonna be rejected by 99.9 of men most likely so you're gonna have to find men who already agree with that um That um experience You know a lot of christian men are that way a lot of religious men are that way by the way Sometimes just remember You know, you don't really know someone until you physically sleep with them and you spend time with them A lot of times you don't know someone until you've actually lived with them for a while Because I've known it. I've had several women I know marry men after a short period of time only to find out the guy was a nightmare That's another thing to be concerned about Hey genies in the house from our group called midlife love mastery way to go um Coming back to that porn addiction had sex and porn addiction husband that never wanted sex with me or anyone High on endorphins and never enough. That's that's another uh adjunct to what was said earlier Stay well and be strong or strong Does a man's history of watching his parents argue loudly nightly until they split up when he was 12 Effect his ability to trust a woman. Oh my god. Yes I want you to think of the emotional effects of growing up with parents who Probably hated them so hated each other. That's a strong word but hate but disliked each other And as a child you believe this is love So it makes it difficult for a lot of people to either trust commit Or they choose women that are argumentative Because that's familiar to them if you're not familiar with the work Of harvell hendrix and helen hunt getting the love you want This is a great book to understand what's known as the amago amago. I am a go They choose partners that are familiar to them based on their parental upbringing or surrogate parents So, yes, that would deeply affect I could could deeply affect the man Um, Nicole follow up um Let's see long distance. We had 22 months no plan to date for move. He said I'll always love you and your children What do I do to make him see that what he's giving up? you know If you have to fight or argue for for a person to love you Or to commit to you Then it's not on him. It's on you see A self-respecting person And i'm sorry to say this my dear but a self-respecting person would say I respect myself too much to fight for someone to love me to commit to me See you probably didn't have a significant enough relationship and yet you're attached. Remember, I said earlier about codependency I invite you to read the book. Where is it? Uh Everyone if you haven't read this book codependent no more By melody baby. I highly recommend reading this book. You are attached to a person And it's probably in the dick. By the way, I'm going to be doing a video tomorrow with uh, mary best shooter shudder Talking about the the top addiction today is not drugs. It's not alcohol. It's not porn It's not gambling the number one addiction is romantic Codependency that's the number one addiction and we're going to talk about that tomorrow nicole I'm very sorry if it sounds like i'm throwing you under the bus But you should never fight for someone to see what he's giving up If he can't see it, then he's not your guy. Does everyone agree with me? Give me an amen Margaret goes on to add nonviolent communication is a great book. Exactly Okay, genie posted this do I want a relationship or commitment? Am I ready for a relationship? Am I ready to invest in a relationship? I think it's willing to invest or am I capable of investing Okay, well, they're all the same All right. Thank you so much Priya writes question great guy, but no chemistry ask me again and again after many months. Don't know what to say You know, it's sad that you have this great guy, but you're not feeling it I'm reminded of the movie revenge of the nerds. Okay Now this is probably a little inappropriate to share but uh in the movie revenge of the nerds There were the cheerleaders and the jocks and then there were the nerds And at one point one of the nerds finds himself in the dark room with the cheerleader Now they were physically intimate with one another And uh, which i'm not recommending but she found That she was like wow this guy is great in bed And even though he doesn't look like the jock and he doesn't look kind of corny She was attached to him now. I'm again. That's a probably a bad Scenario to suggest but the thing is you might be surprised when you open your heart up to a great guy I mean unless he's got a beer gut the size of texas and he's missing all of his front teeth You know, um, not that there's anything wrong with those types of those people Um, unless you're repulsed maybe giving a great guy a chance might yield you an amazing result Just something to put out there all right Leanne says Thank you, jonathan i've been dating a man for four months and he's currently and in he recently ended it While we were intimate he expressed that he was scared. Also granddaughters are his priority thoughts You know a lot of men are incapable to or at least at our Are deeply wounded And then they put other people's at a priority Um other people in their life whether it's their children whether it's their professional life in this case granddaughters. Okay Uh, he expressed he was scared. Okay. A lot of people are scared to commit A lot of people are scared because they can get hurt. So what do they do? They cut it off before that happens. They sabotage relationships men do this women do this. It's a very common thing What can you do about this? You can simply express your sadness And then you go out about living your life. He'll probably come back around Men have this rubber band effect. They pull and push and pull and push for a variety of different reasons You have to ask yourself. Are you having the deeper conversations to build the deep roots of trust? Are you having those intimate conversations where you're bonding together? Are you doing social activities hobbies mutual interest so you can as I said earlier build the deep roots of trust? That can sustain a relationship even when someone is scared Thank you so much for that question. We appreciate it All right, everybody is saying amen all right We're gonna be wrapping up in a few minutes Becca says can maria. I'm not with a maria. I am with marie I Share some of her solo traveling experiences. Did she go travel all by herself or with friends? So um Marie there's a picture of my sweetheart marie with an e just like marie osman And I know Becca. That was a that was not intentional Or excuse me back. I should say So she started off. I think she found some travel group that was going to I don't know africa. It wasn't that but it was somewhere else I forget where one of our first excursions or it was maybe a cruise There was something called single cruisers and then there was this this other organization called singles and paradise I'll repeat that singles singles cruisers singles and paradise. These were all organizations that put together trips cruise ships or Land-based excursions. Okay, and then through that she developed a group of friends and they have a facebook group and they socialize together It's funny. They all they're they're all they make always plans to get together. These are 20 30 40 people give or take In these groups and she's developed some really good friendships And she's gotten to travel the world at a fraction of the cost It would be to travel. I think she went to africa for two weeks All expenses paid. I think with the airfare was $3,500 I mean to do two weeks in africa at that kind of price. That's amazing And you know a lot of people save up and they you know, they they create savings accounts They put $150 a month away for a year to do these and by the time they're ready to go It only costs them $1,500 at that point. So there are some great. There's just give you some The cliff note versions of that. So I hope that helps Becca wrote down singles cruisers singles and paradise. She has a friend now d that organizes all these trips We're thinking about going to a trip to africa actually next year We actually got a trip planned to Costa Rica. Marie is amazing at finding those bargains and a ton of bargains exist You just got to put yourself out there to find them Uh All right, you know what folks? I think this would be a great place to wrap up today I hope you found value. You know, the reality is is when I started this conversation This causes men to lose respect for women. That's bs What I shared in the beginning what I mean to say is how many women how many men a woman slept with There's a bs reason to lose respect, especially if you're engaging in sex with someone early I think men need to be take more accountability for their actions And certainly i'm a big proponent of men and women alike taking ownership and responsibility for their actions And we are we are swimming in a sea of dysfunctional human beings. Yes, it is tough out there. There's no doubt about it It's a shit show. There's no doubt about it. And at the same time if you shift your mindset God universe spirit I invite in a juicy delicious healthy happy relationship where we have amazing chemistry with one another And the communication between the two of us is off the charts And we can we can chat for hours and hours on end and we can banter through our sense of humor daily We have the compatibility with one another to blend each other's lives Because we want to spend regular time together doing shared activities hobbies mutual interests We share the same values on life health finance sharedy community family fun pleasure travel prosperity and spirituality And lastly we have created the deep roots of trust. So our commitment Is so strong that it can weather the tiny bumps or even the big bumps That occur in the dating mating relating process god universe spirit. I invite that in Ah Are you with me if you are give me an amen All right folks, uh again, thank you so much. I hope you found value in it If you did please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel Please hit that notification bell as well And if you want to connect with me check out all the links in the show notes Scheduled discovery call with me join my group called midlife love mastery find me on instagram Check out my dating vows. Check out my book midla or what the heck a self love anyway Check out the Adele program or the naked discovery naked recovery naked divorce program All right, we're going to wrap up this video as I always do first I've given myself a big gigantic shot the bearer of self love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm going to ask you to turn to someone a pet teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives I want to thank stay well and wandon anna and jannis and pamela and corny cob And janine and one of my facebook members and melena and becca And everyone Let's see who else margaret. I already said that All right, nana pamela. Have a great evening. Be well. Bye now