 Item No. SCP-1863 Object Class Euclid Special Containment Procedures Individuals affected by SCP-1863-A are to be separated from individuals affected by SCP-1863-B. Both subgroups are to be kept at Site-28 for study, and are not to be made aware of the other party, and are to be given access to either SCP-1863-A or SCP-1863-B dependent under subgroup to ensure their continued survival. SCP-1863-A and SCP-1863-B are to be treated as Level-3, Circumstantial Level-4, Biohazard Personnel interacting with SCP-1863-A or SCP-1863-B are to praise the respective instance on various qualities such as its taste, its superiority to its competitive brand, its bouquet, and the remarkably low level of sodium benzoate. Description SCP-1863-A is the designation for two competing soft drinks sold exclusively within the town of ██████████, Alabama. SCP-1863-A is a sparkling lemon-lime soft drink with hydrogen used in places of dissolved CO2, sold as Lime Lift-off from the Citrox Corporation. SCP-1863-B is a non-caffeinated root beer and cream beverage known as Saspirilla Cream, sold by Carl's Caffeine Club. Neither of these organizations have any record of operating within the United States prior to the discovery of SCP-1863, however the Citrox Corporation reportedly operated out of the city of ████████, Deitchcurt District, Luxembourg from 1982-1999. SCP-1863-A and SCP-1863-B are both highly addictive despite having identical compositions to equivalent non-anomalous soft drinks. Both SCP-1863-A and SCP-1863-B are capable of reacting to specific phrases, mainly praises or criticisms of the specific qualities of the SCP-1863 instance, such as flavor, chemical content, appearance, etc. Praising the respective SCP-1863 variety while condemning the competing variety appears to dampen the addictive effect. However, criticizing SCP-1863-A or SCP-1863-B while in the presence of the respective instance can lead to various chemical reactions, such as pH fluctuations, combustion, or solidification when introduced to the human digestive tract. Both varieties of SCP-1863 are highly mutagenic, capable of drastically altering the functions of the human organ systems. SCP-1863-A mutates the diaphragm, causing its act like a flotation bladder. It is capable of inflating with hydrogen gas either from the atmosphere or from SCP-1863-A and allows for humans who have imbibed a sufficient quality of SCP-1863-A to float up to three meters above the ground. Failure to regulate imbibed SCP-1863-A after drinking it results in a diaphragm collapsing leading to suffocation without mechanical assistance. SCP-1863-B instead targets the respiratory and circulatory systems and removes the necessity for respiration, allowing the human body to function without the need for oxygen, instead relying on carbonation from SCP-1863-B or carbon dioxide from the atmosphere to perform bodily functions. Subjects who have drunk a sufficient quantity of SCP-1863-B are capable of indefinitely staying in environments where a human being cannot survive without a breathing apparatus, such as underwater, in gas chambers, or at high altitudes without any detrimental effects. Failure to regularly drink SCP-1863-B after drinking it for the first time results in the inability for oxygen to be used in the body, and as the body cannot intake carbon dioxide without assistance from SCP-1863-B, death inevitably results within 24 hours of last consumption of SCP-1863-B. Furthermore, SCP-1863-A drinkers will be highly aggressive towards individuals who have drunk SCP-1863-B at any point in their life, with the converse being true for individuals who have drunk in SCP-1863-B. If an individual drinks both SCP-1863-A and SCP-1863-B within an 89-hour period, an anomalous chemical reaction will recur between the hydrogen and carbon dioxide in the two drinks, causing the digestive system to inflate. Recovery Documentation Over the decade, SCP-1863-A and SCP-1863-B have been in competition within ██ several marketing campaigns have been launched with varying levels of aggressiveness. The following documents are transcriptions of various print, televised, and radio broadcast ads from the last ten years within ████████████████████, Alabama. Images from print ads have been removed for the sake of transcription. New, new, new! Hey, ya fellas and gals, why don't you come on down to your local soda jerk and ask for some sarsaparilla cream? It's super-duper good. The taste is so breathtaking you'll never take another breath, guaranteed are your money back. Don't have some new fangled fancy-smansies curvy drink. What are you, a buccaneer? Stick to good ol' root beer, a real Albanian drink. Only from Carl's Caffeine Club. Absolutely weightless. Image of a woman dressed as the 1950s housewife, floating above a kitchen floor while drinking from a bottle of SCP-1863-A. Lime liftoff will lift your spirits and you, available at all fine retailers within ████████████████████, only from Citrox, supporting schools in ████████████ since 2000. An animated anthropomorphic sarsaparilla root appears on the screen against a black background and starts talking. Heya, kids, I'm Randy Root, and there are some things you should know about lime liftoff before buying it. Did you know that the Citrox Corporation gets its ingredients through slavery? Using countries like Colombia, Chile, and Florida are forced to pick all the limes and lemons used, and the hydrogen and lime liftoff comes from the blighters of the Swedish sky moose. There are only 300 left in the wild and the rest of the 10,000 are in farms or zoos owned by Citrox. Roddy pointed the screen accusingly. People, the Citrox Corporation only exists to make their pockets deeper while screwing over the little guy, and after all that, they have the audacity to charge $1.22 for their soda. Do you want to support evil corporate empire like that? A man that enslaves thousands to make one lousy soda a flat soda? Roddy holds up a bottle of SCP-183-B and drinks from it, making an odd noise. Ahhhh. Or do you want a real Armenian drink like sarsaparilla cream? It's 100% made in the USA and only costs $0.50, to buy a bottle today. Stanley Jones, announcer for WOOT. The local national public radio station. We have something very special for our listeners today. Steven McPustadlia have released a statement exclusively to WOOT regarding the recent controversy that has been brought up regarding their Lyme lift-off product. With us now is the CEO of Citrox, Steven McPustadlia, joining us via satellite. Steven, welcome to the program. The next three minutes, twenty-eight seconds are a loud, unintelligible screech followed by an unknown female voice saying, Citrox court, elite products for elite tastes. Sorry about that folks, I've just been told to Mr. McPustadlia, CEO of Citrox that had complications with audio equipment. There is going to be a transcription of that on Citrox's website coming tonight without any audio errors. Sorry for that hiccup. Roddy Root is sitting behind a desk, looking sober and drinking from a bottle of SCP-183-B. Hey kids, Roddy Root again. Recently something bad has happened in this little Argentinian town of ████████. A bunch of kids recently mixed Lyme lift-off with good ol' sarsaparilla cream. Roddy Root indicates the bottle and then drank it with tragic results. For further details, see Incident Report 1863-05. Kids, I think this just goes to show why people who drink sarsaparilla cream and Lyme lift-off should never mix. Roddy Root stands up and angry points his finger at the audience. Children, it is your duty as citizens of this proud country to go out and store every bottle of Lyme lift-off you can find. Make sure nobody drinks it. As for the filthy Lyme drinkers who have already had it, let them burn. The backdrop turns to the was believed to be an amalgam of the Argentinian flag in American one. Now go, make sure that nobody drinks his awfulness for the sake of Carl's Caffeine Club. Hey, boys, girls, and various hermaphrodites, it's time to enter Citrox's Just Means War contest. In the course of our friendly corporate rivalry with Carl's Caffeine Club, several allegations have been brought up against Citrox, and we need your help to disprove them. There are three ways you can enter the contest. 1. Write an essay about Lyme lift-off and how it has changed your life for the better. 1. Essay equals 10 tickets into the rifle. 2. As you have had enough Lyme lift-off to gain the special lift-off power, trademark. 3. Pass out flyers and free samples to your friends. For every 20 flyers you pass out, or every 10 free samples, you gain a raffle ticket to be put in a raffle, up to 10. 3. Go out and smash some bottles of sarsaparilla cream. For every broken sarsaparilla cream bottle you sent back to Citrox's corporate headquarters, you automatically gain a raffle ticket. Just remember kids, don't drink it. Grand prize winners will receive a lifetime supply of Lyme lift-off and all sorts of great official swag, plus a PlayStation 3 and games. Drink Lyme lift-off. Your life depends on it. Footnote 2. This advertisement was released in August 2005, over a year before the launch of the PlayStation 3, and long before the release of several games included with the contest prize, including ██████. A text crawl appears across the screen. Carbonation and you, a message from Carl's Caffeine Club. Roddy Root appears dressed in a stereotypical American General's uniform. Heya kids, Roddy Root here. Y'all know by now that if we drink enough of our sarsaparilla cream, you don't need to breathe anymore. Isn't that nifty? What's even nifty is how you can use it. Scene cuts to a live-action shot of the pawn in front of the ██████ public library. Five people are walking past drinking from bottles of SCP-HCC-3A. All of the individuals are dressed in a manner to suggest financial and social well-being. The entire scene is filled in black and white. Roddy Root continues to speak in a voiceover. Like this pawn, right in front of the library, Jesse and Billy are in the pawn right now. But you can't see them, and neither can the lime drinkers. Let's see what happens. A pair of teenagers, one male, one female, suddenly emerged from the pawn wielding 9mm pistols. Both are dressed in a manner to suggest that they are lower class. The female individual jumps on an SCP-1863-A drinker, who suddenly inflates, she grabs the bottle of SCP-1863-A from his hand, smashes it against his head and stabs the drinker in the stomach with the shards. The male individual subdues and then kills two other drinkers, with the remaining two inflating and attempting to escape via flight. Because they had the element of surprise, Jesse and Billy were able to eliminate three of the targets, but two are getting away. The remaining two SCP-1863-A drinkers are shot in the stomachs causing them to fall to the ground and deflate. Analysis of the film shows the shots most likely came from the roof of the library. Good thing that Jacob was on the roof with his Carl's Caffeine Club rifle, which he'd run from a caffeinated terror contest. Now kids, how about you all take a nice refreshing drink of Saspirilla Cream? Both visible individuals drink from bottles of SCP-1863-B as the word Saspirilla Cream for the real American superimposed over the scene before the advertisement ends. A bottle of SCP-1863-A stands in the center of the image. The bottle is solely drained over the corpse of the advertisement by an unknown person. Female voice, you see all? You've taken off to the stars, and see them all below you with your family and your friends standing next to you. My second long speech. Root beer is for the unintelligent, the uncultured, the unwanted, the un. The apple is not the fruit of knowledge, it is the lime. Citrox is everywhere that it needs to be, granting knowledge to the world through our support of schools, libraries, and institutions that promote learning. Stand tall, stand above your so-called peers. The bottle of SCP-1863-A drains completely and starts floating away. From Liftoff by Citrox, Elite Products for Elite Taste